Mad Over You by Runtown

Standing over the kitchen sink and looking outside the window into the small backyard of the condo, my head was spinning.

Why was this my luck?

Why couldn’t I just fall for a man who would treat me right and not come with added stress?

You know when you are consumed by so much anger and you  want to cry it out?

Like shed the tears before you act and do something you would regret.

I am not sure how long I had been standing there but I heard Tabitha walk into the room.

She said

“Bella, is everything okay?”

I smiled and tried to play it off but in my mind, I was

“asking how in the hell could everything be okay?!

You just sprung a baby on me!!!!”

“How are you ma?

How was your trip?”

I deflected.

She smiled and walked up to. Complete disregard for personal space.

She stood a mere two fee away from me and said

“I see you trying to be strong and thats commendable. It is okay to be angry or disappointed.”

There was a sudden comfort in knowing she understood what I was feeling. She continued and said

“From what I am gathering, you didn’t know that Darrell had a child?..”

I nodded.

She then smiled and said

“If it is any consolation. Neither did he.

He doesn’t even know yet. So it is up to us, you and I, to figure out how to break it to him”

Suddenly, I didn’t feel like the focal point.

It wasn’t about me.

This man didn’t even know that he had fathered a child out in the world. He was only a few hours away from returning home and I had to figure out how to tell him that he would be a daddy…to two children.

….

“So Tabitha (she insisted I call her that), how do you know that it is Darrell’s and who is the mother?’

She sipped from her tea and set it on the coaster.

She leaned back in her seat and started

“I came back from a funeral about 3days ago. I was in the shower when I heard a knock on the door.

It took me a few minutes to make it out but when I did, there was no one at the door. Just this beautiful baby boy.

I could tell he was Darrell’s just from how draw I was to him. His eyes.

There was a birth certificate in the car seat and it was signed by Darrell’s ex wife but had his name listed as the father.

I pondered on what do but there was no way in hell that I was going to tell him that kind of information over the phone.

So I spoke to my pastor and booked a flight. And here we are.

I tried to contact her but she did not answer. She and Darrell never had a bad divorce, so I don’t know why she did this but here we are”

She sighed and picked up her tea again while she glanced over to the baby peacefully sleeping on the couch. He was beautiful.

Tucked behind a wall of pillows, he was just safe.

“How old is he?”

I asked.

“7 months.”

She replied

“His name is Devon”

I sat back in my chair and rested on my right side while my left hand rubbed my bulging stomach.

“I don’t know what to do Ms. Tabitha. I don’t know how to tell Darrell.

This is a lot”

She smiled and said

“There is nothing we cannot conquer under the sun. Besides, that is why I am here.

You will not be doing this alone”

I will be here with you”

There truly was something comforting about her. I knew there was a reason her son was so amazing.

She smiled and sipped from her tea again and then placed the cup down.

…..

I was talking to my cousin on the phone up in our bedroom when I heard Darrell’s car pull up in the driveway.

My heart started to beat really fast.

I remember glancing at my Fitbit on my left wrist and exhaling.

Heading down the stairs, I caught a glimpse of Ms. Tabitha.

She was standing by the front door.

She smiled as I approached and she stretched out her right hand and squeezed my left hand.

I was nervous.

The door opened and Darrell stood shocked in the doorway.

It was as if he couldn’t believe that his mother was standing there.

She moved closed to him and opened her arms.

He leaned in and took in her hug.

“Mom, what are you doing here?”

She smiled and said

“I came to see my son”

as she patted him on his cheek.

He placed his bag by the bookshelf to the right of the door and kissed me on the lips as he said

“Hey baby”

I forced a smile and he caught it.

He said

“Whats wrong babe?”

Before I could respond, his mom said

“D, come sit down. I need to talk to you”

He looked at me with a slight frown and said

“Okay…”

as he took his seat on the couch.

I sat on the loveseat closest to his mother as she started talking.

“So a few days ago, it came to my attention that you have a son.

You ex wife dropped him off at my home and here I am…

There is a lot more to the story but I am sure you know it better than either one of us.

The child is here with me because I wanted you to know and meet him. I can fully step up and raise him like I did you.

I totally understand wanting to start afresh with Bella. But I wanted to make sure I let you know”

Darrell looked stunned.

It took him a moment to process and then he said

“So she lied when she said she miscarried…

Wow”

I wanted to get up and go to him but I also knew that he needed space.

He looked like he was angry and shocked at the same time.

But true to character, he took a deep breath and said

“Where is my son?”

His mother pointed to the guest room.

The way Darrell held him, I could tell. I could tell that through all the mistakes I made with Mfon, this was the man.

Tears began to roll down his cheeks as he kissed Devon on the forehead.

He turned and looked at me and before he could speak, I said

“Devon”

A wry smile and the tears streamed down.

He was proud.

There was going to be an aftermath to this event but in that moment, all that mattered was the moment.

He loved that child from the moment he set his eyes on him.

And I loved him even more.

Ms. Tabitha returned home and then came back to stay with us.

As I neared delivery and Devon moved in, I needed extra hands and she was truly my rock.

A perfect mother in law and I couldn’t be more thankful.

A new chapter was upon us and my structured story seemed like it was being written on a fresh page, filled with color and love.

…..

Everything was happening fast.

I was so excited for my future and the challenges to come.

I essentially was raising two new borns at the same time.

I think it was shortly after my sister had posted my pictures from the maternity shoot, but I received a call that shook me.

It was Mfon.

He called that afternoon and we spoke for a little while.

In that conversation, he apologized.

He told me that he saw my pictures with Darrell and he could tell I was happy.

Him not signing the papers was only because he could not come to terms with the fact that he let things get bad between.

I urged him to seek help and follow his heart.

If he wanted to be loved by the same sex, he should live his truth.

He told me that he had sent the papers over.

Signed.

And that I could come and take whatever items I wanted from the house, as Darrell and I moved into our new home.

It made me chuckle because that was how he was. Trying to do the sweet thing.

But it was unnecessary.

My life had moved forward and I didn’t want anything from the past to follow on.

Our chapter closed and that was the last time we spoke.

Darrell was facing his own challenges with his ex wife. She was being very difficult and trying to start a custody battle with him over Devon.

Even after she dropped him off!

I was furious but Darrell always told me not to stress.

One evening I heard him yelling on the phone to her

“…you just want Devon because Bella is being a better mother than you would ever be!

You gave him up! and now you want him back?!

No way… take me to court!

I will fight this with every bone in me! I can promise you that!”

When he came up to bed that night, I didn’t say a word.

I kissed his forehead and told him I loved him.

I knew it wasn’t the solution he sought but it was the best I had.

….

PLEASE DON’T FORGET TO SELECT MY NEXT SERIES BELOW.

….

A few days later, my life changed.

My status changed and my world began to orbit around another. My daughter and heart; Daisy.

I will never forget the pain and strength it took to arrive there.

Everything I had been through to that point was a precursor to where I needed to be.

Divorce, heartbreak, betrayal, restarting.

None of it came close to those moments when they asked me to push and I had past my limit of pushing.

But somehow as a mother, you dig deep.

Deeper.

Deeper than you have even gone.

You get lost in the love and life you bring that you forget the pain the world tries to make you see.

I fought for Daisy.

But I had fought for her before she was conceived.

This was Mfon’s child as well but she was all mine.

So here I was through all I stayed through, trying to hold my last marriage together.

I was about to start a family with a man who fathered a child with another and I was bringing a daughter that shared another father.

Life.

But it was my story and as I lay in that recovery room with Daisy in Ms. Tabitha’s hands, I was content.

Gathering my strength back, Darrell came up to me and sat next to me.

He leaned in and kissed my forehead as I forced a smile.

He smiled and then got serious as he said

“Bella, I am proud of you.

Through everything you have been through

You have been a rock

From every turn

And how life tried to make you stop

You conquered all

You are woman

My woman

A fighter and a warrior

A  beaming torch in dark world

You are a mother to these kids and to me

And I promise to love you like its the first time

I swear I will”

My eyes filled up.

I couldn’t say much but

“Darrell, I fucking love you”

He smiled and said

“Shhhh…we have kids now!

You can’t be using that kind of language”

I laughed.

A few minutes passed and then he said

“Oh babe, I noticed there was a huge purchase on the Chase credit card, was that you?”

I laughed even harder.

He smiled but looked surprised and then he said

“Whats funny babe?”

I continued to chuckle and then I stopped and said

“Let’s just say that someone’s ex wife will be receiving a huge delivery of expired baby food”

Still confused he said

“Who?”

I squeezed his hand and said

“Don’t worry my love. Don’t worry”

It clicked for him and he said

“Bella!

You are so petty!”

I smiled, shrugged and said

“At least, I’m still beautiful right?”

He nodded and leaned in for a kiss as he said

“Yes you are. Oh yes you are”

The End.

Bella is a story of triumph and glory. A thank you to women.

To those that stand firm and fight hard. For what they believe in and what is right.

There is a Bella in all of us. She went through so much. Life threw curve balls at her and she stayed strong. Think of your life, your 2016 and how many times you have falled but gotten back up. How many times did people do you wrong and expecte you to fail?
You are a fighter and a winner.

I wrote Bella for the women I know in my life that have been through one battle or another and those who are striving for better each day.
Your strength is life and life will favor you.
Never give up.
Be less petty.
And always happy.

Bella is my gift to you. Your true beauty is a gift to the world.

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Part 3

“You stupid bastard!”

I yelled as Darrell held me back.

Mfon clutched his face as he recovered from the heat and shock that just slapped him.

I wanted to strangle him.

“You stupid piece of shit. You really had me out here crying over your sorry ass!”

I was spewing all sorts of curses on his head.

All I remember was being carried out of the restaurant.

My fingers were sticky from some of the coffee. I was dripping in rage as the once sweet syrup that soaked our love, now tasted like stale burnt bread.

As I waited for Darrell to come out of the now chaotic restaurant. The police showed up.

They walked right past us and into the restaurant. Darrell, came out and we got into the car.

He didn’t speed or anything.

He just drove.

We arrived back at the house and he turned off the engine.

Mine was still running-overdrive.

I was filled with so much anger.

It truly felt like I had been injected with a cocktail of emotions. At an alarming speed, my brain was combing through emotions.

He quietly exited the car and walked into the house.

I just sat there; thinking and scheming.

I wanted to get him back.

I wanted to make him pay. This man put his hands on me.

And left marks that scarred beyond the physical. There was a mixture of failure and a resolution to make him pay, in the worst ways.

I considered telling his family members and the entire Nigerian community.

If only I was truly that wicked but I knew I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I almost felt cuffed by the institution. But I only had myself to blame.

After all, I went in there and asked them to join me to this worthless being.

I hated the church.

I hated my family.

Questioned my own instincts and suddenly I arrived at it; I blamed Bella.

I must have been in the car for a minute because when I walked in Darrell was asleep.

I headed straight for the shower after I placed my purse down.

The water was really hot. I lowered myself to the floor of the shower and just allowed the water to beat my skin.

Each drop burned but not as much as every memory that floated into my mind.

I really wanted to not think about him. I thought of the two years wasted.

Of all the things I put on hold for the betterment of this man.

I swear, I felt used.

My mind went back to our wedding night.

How handsome he looked in that tuxedo. How his smile lit up the room and tickled my pink.

How I couldn’t wait to be his wife. How I couldn’t wait to cook for him. Pray for and with him. Hold him up.

How I couldn’t wait for him to enter me in the worst ways. And then he threw it all away for someone else. Much less another man.

I started crying and I didn’t know I was loud until I heard Darrell come in.

He said,

“Babe, are you okay?”

I didn’t bother to stop crying.

He came in closer and said,

“Bella, are you okay?”

“I’m okay. I just want to be by myself”

I replied through water.

He stopped in his tracks and said,

“But Bella, I am here for you.”

I could feel his helplessness but I truly just wanted to be alone.

I heard him exit the bathroom.

The shower was not refreshing. I walked out feeling physically clean and emotionally soiled.

I dried myself off and walked into the room.

He was sitting upright in the dark on his phone. As I walked into the room, he placed his phone down and the room was pitch black except for the lighting from the DVR beneath the television.

I hit the light switch and the room lit up.

Standing by the bathroom door with a glum face, I opened my mouth and tried to speak but the words didn’t come out.

I could see the anticipation in his eyes, he wanted to know what he could do to fix it for me.

But there was no short fix.

I stood there and tried again.

This time the words came out.

“Darrell, I’m pregnant.”

His eyes grew big and he seemed excited for a brief second and then it vanished.

He then said,

“Is it mine?”

My head dropped.

I replied,

“No, its not.”

He got up and walked to me.

His arms provided the warmth and his heart the safety I needed. He wrapped them around me and kissed my forehead.

I wasn’t sure how things would play out but in that moment I felt safe.

……

The weeks slowly added up and I fully moved in to Darrell’s place. He was still shuttling between both cities and I would stay in the house when he was gone.

I was still in love with this man.

It was happening with each passing day.

I would find myself picking up the nuggets from my last experience and trying to apply them with Darrell.

He was so sweet and considerate. I could see him going the extra mile for me and wanting to take care of me.

My belly was growing and my anger towards Mfon was reducing.

I was feeling myself allowing him back in.

I really did not want to forgive but I could not hold my anger.

The days were long as I worked part time and mostly from home. I had too much time on my hands.

Mfon would call and try to explain himself. Our families also wouldn’t take their foot off the gas.

Everyone wanted me to forgive him for the sake of the baby.

You see my view was that I had always hesitated around bringing a baby into the world. And now I was going through with it, with a man I could not trust. So I had to be sure, I protected my child and most importantly my own life.

One evening, I was in the worst of moods.

In limbo, I hated where I was. Mid divorce, pregnant and living in the house of another man.

I think when I envisioned my life as a woman, none of those things came to mind as possibilities.

So I felt unfulfilled and behind schedule. Angry at myself and some of the decisions that got me there.

I was in my feelings as Darrell returned from a long shift.

In my mind, I knew that it was the best time for the kind of conversation I was about to start with him. But somewhere in there, I needed that validation. I needed to hear him say the things I wanted to hear.

“How was your day?”

I asked him as he unbuttoned his shirt.

Without looking at me, he replied,

“It was good. Just really long”

I went quiet for a bit and then I said,

“I was thinking today…what are we doing here?”

He glanced at me and said,

“What do you mean?”

“I just want to know what we are doing here. This baby, getting the divorce, living with you. I just want to know. What are your plans?

Why am I here?”

He looked confused as he slid on his shorts. He said,

“We have talked about this before and I think you know my intentions. So why is this coming up?”

I scoffed and said,

“You know what, never mind.”

He growled in frustration and said,

“Bella, you know thats mad annoying. Can you please just tell me whats going on?”

I knew I had him. But I couldn’t just bring myself to speak up then.

“Darrell its nothing really”

He was trying so hard to not lose his cool. He sighed as he came and sat next to me.

He asked me again,

“Bella, if something is the matter, can you lets just talk about it now.

There is no reason to start something and then say nothing.”

I still didn’t respond.

He waited a few minutes and then he sighed really loudly and got up.

As he was about to talk, I spoke,

“So what am I to you?

This version of a wife in your home. Am I just here so you can feel good about yourself?

Do you even care about me?… Like wtf happens when this baby comes?

You’ll just be over me”

I looked at his face as I stopped talking. Shock, anger, disappointment and disgust all mixed in one.

He took a step back and said,

“Bella, are you fucking serious right now?”

I looked away. He didn’t say much after that.

“Bella, you know better and you are just wrong for all that. I have nothing to say.

I’ll sleep in the other room.”

He exited the room and I think that sent me over the edge.

Now I was so angry at myself because I didn’t get what I wanted and there was no hope of me getting it.

I cried that night as I felt empty.

He never left that room all night.

The next morning, he was gone before I woke up.

I went into the room, hoping to apologize and he wasn’t there.

I tried to go about my day, hoping to apologize for my childish behavior later that night.

So when I heard a knock on the door around midday, I was nervously excited. I thought he had come back from work early and we were going to squash things.

I made my way to the door and opened it up without looking through the peephole and there he was.

Mfon.

….

“Mfon, what are you doing here?”

I was surprised and certainly taken aback.

He tried to smile.

“I had to see you, Bella”

He replied.

“How did you get this address?”

I asked,

“I just asked the right questions. Can I come in?”

I replied with a sharp,

“No”

He nodded and continued,

“Well I just wanted to let you know that I want your forgiveness and I am willing to work for it.

But more importantly, I am not letting go. I want to be in the life of my child, so I will do everything possible”

I nodded and said,

“I have nothing against you being in the life of our child but I just want to be clear that we are over.

I would really appreciate if you just signed the papers and allowed the courts to do their job.

This whole year has been stressful enough. I just want to move on”

Still standing at the foot of the stairs, he looked up to me and said,

“I’m not signing those papers”

I couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth. I wanted to jump on him and bite his neck off.

“Are you fucking kidding me? After everything!

You better sign those papers or I will make your life a living hell Mfon, a living hell!”

I was fuming and yelling at the top of my lungs when I noticed Darrell’s car pulling up.

He parked in the driveway and hopped out.

Mfon turned and started to back away.

As he walked away, he said,

“I’ll be in touch”

Darrell walked past him as he nodded.

As he got close to me and said,

“What did he want?”

I turned around and walked into the house.

Darrell followed me in and said,

“Bella, are you okay?”

I turned and said,

“No!

No I’m not okay!

He’s not letting me move on”

Darrell moved closer to me and then he took my hand.

He looked down at me as I looked up to him and very softly, he said,

“Marry me”

I couldn’t believe the words. I stepped back and said,

“What?”

He didn’t bat an eye.

He repeated himself,

“Marry me Bella”

All I could think was WhatTheHeckMan.

…..

I was on a cloud.

In a different planet to be very honest.

The stars were beneath my toes and I felt so happy.

The way Darrell took care of me, ladies would understand. He checked the boxes and I could see a great father in him.

The lawyers were doing their work and the divorce process was nearing a close.

We had started looking at homes in the area and preparing for our next chapter.

Everything was falling in place.

I was returning from the grocery store that Sunday evening. As I emptied the trunk and I was taking the groceries into the house, a car pulled up and an older woman came out.

She stopped me and said,

“You must be Bella”

I nodded and said,

“Yes and you are?”

She smiled and said,

“My name is Tabitha and I am Darrell’s mother.”

I felt a twitch. I had heard so much about her and I was very sad that we hadn’t properly met.

“Oh my God!

It’s so nice to meet you ma. Come in!”

She smiled really big and took in my hug before pulling away and becoming very serious.

She looked at me and said,

“So are you ready to be a mother?”

I smiled and nodded as I said,

“Yes ma. I am excited”

She shook her head and then pointed to the back seat of the car she had just exited. Then she said,

“Not to the baby inside of you. A mother to that child.

Darrell’s son”

She looked at me and I looked at her.

No words were said but there was something deep I felt.

Oh Lord, say it with me y’all What The Bloody Heck Man!

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