deep breaths
“Come on Sanmi, you go this!”
deep breaths
I could see stars for a second – it reminded me of how Tom would see them floating around his head at least once every episode while Jerry smirked in the corner.
I slumped to the ground and I tried to catch my breath.
I kicked my head back and began thinking to myself, this was not failure but it sure made me feel “human”.
I turned my head to the camera and smiled.
“One more set, Sanmi”
I said to myself as I got up and pushed through.
We go again.

As I left the gym that day, I kept thinking to myself, how did I get here?
Last week, I wrote about discipline and I love how people reference that as some of the traits or things they like about me.
But I firmly remember a time when I never thought I would be a disciplined person.
I may already have shared with y’all about how my grandfather was absolutely certain that my cousins and I would be lazy people. All because we did not want to sweep the compound at 7am on a Saturday. LOLGod rest his soul.

But this post is not entirely about discipline (it kind of is).
It is more about coming to the realization that here is nothing I’ve super cherished that I’ve never had to work hard for, even if that work was just to appreciate what I had.
Not a job, friendship, relationship, or even hobby.
I realized a few years ago and my 2022 made it abundantly clear – anything good you want in this life, you have to work for it.
Now, I most certainly do not believe that you should have to lose yourself to draining or painful work for you to enjoy life, but I most definitely believe that the best things require intentional effort.

Relationships are hard. Being true to you is hard.
Friendships are hardwork. Like I said before, none of those should be draining work but it is hard work.
I have some friendships turning almost 20years in the next few months. While I love and cherish them, I realize that those relationships have been filled with ups and downs.
And pretending it’s not so, does nothing for me.
It’s the lows that make me appreciate the highs more – and knowing that it took intentional work to get there, makes me hold on to it even more.
Interacting with people can be hard but make sure you invest in people that are worth it.
With the understanding that even if it seems easy or hard, you have to choose them every single day.

What Do You Mean You’re Getting Old?

My father turns 70 this September.
For a few years, I have been terrified of the prospect and the reality of my parents getting older.
I typically do well challenging irrational fears in may head but this one has only grown over the years.
I think there is something about the inevitable that rings true but also knowing fully well that you do not control anything.
I love my parents dearly as you may know but yeah, it scares me.

My parents also live a world away from me. So we do not get to talk everyday.
Sometimes when I get a call or message from them, I panic.
The panic became clear in my voice as they would call me.
One day recently, my mom snapped at me on the phone because I sounded super concerned as I picked her call.
I get it. No one wants to feel like every time they call someone, they induce fear but what can I say?!
I love my parentssss!
I even had to make it clear to them to never lie to me about anything, especially their health.
Too many times, I have heard of people who’s parents hid critical conditions from them till the very last minute.
Not only robbing them of time with their families but also creating a shock reaction when the inevitable loss happens.
May we never experience that in our lives and for those that have, I pray healing for you.
More importantly, the feelings I have continue to remind me to be intentional about loving my parents as aggressively and intentionally as I can. I hope you do the same for you and yours.

Anyway, I just wanted to sound this out because it is something that has been weighing heavily on me lately.
Can you relate to any of the areas I spoke to this week?
IF you can, let me know in the comments section or on Twitter/Instagram.

What If I Left?

What would happen if I wasn’t here anymore?
Not dead.
Just not actively present for your interaction or consumption.
Lately, I have been feeling the intense urge to disappear.
Like leave everything behind and just go. I have begun to understand the people that leave everything and start over.
It may seem irrational to some people and even crazy but I get it.
Most people would never have the courage to make that choice but I am not most people and I believe in putting my peace first.
So hmmmm.
It’s not something I have planned out…yet but I am curious to find out if other folks feel the same way.
Let me know in the comments as well.
Till next time, stay up!

Here are my Top Songs I have been listening to this week

Look What You’ve Done Already by Greatman Takit


Winner by Laolu Gbenjo


Out of My Belly (Live) by Prospa Ochimana


You Are the Most High (Tungba) – BisiManuel


Miracle No Day Tire Jesus by Moses Bliss, Festizie & Chizie


Please comment, retweet and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.


© 2023 #WhatTheHeckMan

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