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Black.Gay.Waiting

#BGW

Music: Unknown (To You) by Jacob Banks

“I don’t know if I am allowed to say this but I love your smile.
Ethnic people are just so beautiful”

I tried to force a smile back as I looked down to this old white lady that thought she had just paid me a compliment.

“Thanks”

I muttered back with my “professional” smile plaster across my coconut oiled face.

“You know, I have friends from Africa.
What part of Africa are you from?”

I was shocked that she had even continued to talk to me.
They called out my name from behind the register.

“Tall chai latte for Dee”

I excused myself from the conversation with the lady and I walked to the counter, grabbed my drink and without saying a word to her, I walked out of the Starbucks.

That night as I took a shower, my mind flashed back that interaction that morning.
I suddenly became annoyed.
That was normal, people saying inappropriate and culturally insensitive things.
That was my entire time living in Boston.

There were two schools of people – the ignorant but sometimes well meaning group and the downright racist/white supremist quarter.
Overall, I hated Boston but I understood why my Nigerian parents sent me there for school.
My father went to Law School. His brother and family that I would spend most holidays with, currently live in Boston.
My mother taught for years in central Baltimore. The only things she loved more than those white kids she taught were my siblings and I, my dad and her commute to work.
You never messed with my mothers radio or her Ebenezer Obey cds in the car.

After graduation, I moved to New York for a few years, working out of a mid level law firm.
Yes, I took after my dad.
And as some of you may be able to relate, I had no choice.

I didn’t like practicing law but I didn’t hate it either. I passed the bar on my second go and I was making good money.
The people I worked with were decent and they made the days go by.
But I knew I was only buying time.

….

“It’s 300k.”

My friend Duke tried to tell me.

“Huh?”

I replied as I didn’t hear him clearly.

“The total is 300k”

He repeated.

“Did you factor in a tip?”

I asked.

He nodded.
I pulled out my card and handed it to him.

“Put it on here”

I said to him as he took it from me and turned.
It was my birthday dinner and everyone was eating and having a good time.
I hate birthday dinners.
On one end, you can plan and people will flake or you can’t accurately split the bill.
Everyone knows that people always forget their drinks and tip.
So I had deduced that whenever I had one, I would either be blessed to have a sugar daddy that would handle the bill or I was going to do it myself.

It was the latter.
We did pictures shortly after.
I had picked up my friends Sandra and Bisoye from Ikoyi on my way to the dinner, so I had to drop them off before heading to my parents in Surulere.

My mother was the type that wanted to make sure that I attended services whenever I was in town.
She used to say “you need know God before you need God” or the line I loved so much, “how do you expect to hold your home together if you don’t have a vibrant prayer life?”
Yes, my mother was the typical Pentecostal bible believing mother.
My father wasn’t always there for direct interaction. Leading growing church and law firm can be challenging sometimes.
But fear not, he was just as influential as my mother.
Overbearing, loving, kind, annoying and everything in between.
Those were my parents and I loved them so much.

And that was how much I loved and appreciated everyone that came out to celebrate with me.
After the last set of pictures, I said out loud

“Thank you all for coming. I truly appreciate it. You guys are awesome.”

Hugs and pecks as I headed towards the car.
Sandra is obsessed with 2Face Idibia’s latest track, Gaga Shuffle and it didn’t help that she worked at one of the top radio stations.
She would never stop going on about it!
So we knew as we entered the car that she was going to start playing the song.

Together we belted out the first line “As I want craze, I want involve you for my f-ing craze”
Such a tune!
Sandra’s calling was to be in music. No doubt.
I love sharing songs with her, she knows almost every song!
If it’s on the radio or has the potential to get there, Sandra knows it.

I looked into the rear view mirror and Bisoye has fallen asleep.
It was like a curse. Once Bisoye enters a car and she is not the one driving, sleep is what happens next – always!
Sandra and I teased as Bisoye mumbled some words out of her sleep.
It is exactly as you imagine it, the cutest thing ever but also the most consistent thing whenever we all got into the car together.
About twenty minutes later, I was peeling out of their apartment complex. Sleep was creeping up on me as I got back on the Third Mainland Bridge.
I had probably gone about 5 miles when I heard a loud thud. I went another mile as I tried to guess what had happened.
At first thought, I figured I must have run over something or hit something but as I drove on, I felt my car begin to wobble.

Everyone knows that late at night in Lagos is not the time for your car to be having issues. So as I pulled over, I was very frustrated.
On one hand, this was probably money I didn’t need to spending that would be going to that repair and on the other hand, I just wanted to sleep!
Upon closer inspection as I stepped out of the car, I noticed that one of my tires had blown out.
This was going to be a short while but I knew how to change a tire from watching my father do it.
I locked the car and walked to the trunk as I opened it, I noticed that the jack that was needed to change the tire was missing.
I could scream!
I knew someone in my house must have gone in there and failed to return it, now here I was stuck on this dangerous bridge in the crack of the night.

I walked to the passengers side and unlocked the car.
Immediately, I called the person I knew would answer.

“Deacon, I need your help”

….

He showed up about 30 minutes later and very soon the tire was changed.
As I was about to get into the car, he said

“You can come to my place since I know your estate will be closed by now”

I paused and thought about it, he was right. The security team at my apartment was notorious for stressing my life out whenever I returned late.

“Okay, lets go”

He handed me an oversized shirt at his apartment while I connected to the wifi.

“you can take the bed, while I sleep on the couch”

I shook my head and replied,

“You don’t have to do that”

He quickly replied

“I just know what you said the last time and I was trying to honor that”

I nodded and said

“I remember what I said but as long as you respect yourself, we should be good”

He said

“Okay”

I headed into the bathroom to wash my face and then into the bed. He was still in the living room when I got in.
At this time, it was 3am and I was super tired.
I knocked out pretty quickly after.

I must have been asleep for about an hour when I felt a strong arm come around my midsection. He pulled me close.
His arm was strong, warm and I remember how safe I used to feel in his hold.
A part of me wanted to break away because I had warned him, but I also really liked his touch.
I stayed put and awake.
A few minutes later, I could feel his rising member between my cheeks.
I was getting turned on, even though I knew I wanted to fight it.
A few moments later, he turned me around and passionately kissed me.
I could taste the cheesecake I brought over with me on his lips.
His tongue was strong like his hands. It searched me and I got weak.

He was on his side with his right arm across my midriff.
He tasted so good and I just sunk into his arms. It was like his mattress was suddenly softer than a cloud and I was free falling.
It had been a while, a long while since someone took charge of my physical and made me lose myself.

He began to kiss my neck and I was losing it.
I was really excited now. His tongue licked behind my left ear.
It ticked and pushed me further off the ledge.
I wanted more, so I don’t know where the words “we have to stop” came from.
He pulled back and towering over me, he said

“You don’t want to?”

I closed my eyes and said

“I just don’t know… I’m just worried we will get into this space again… you know”

He pulled further back and said

“I understand. I’m sorry”

I quickly replied and said

“Don’t apologize. Its not just you. It has to be both of us”

He didn’t say anything else.
He laid on his back staring at the spinning ceiling fan with the light from the DVR partially illuminating the room.
I turned over on my left side and stared out of the window.
I won’t lie to you, I so badly wanted him to grab me again. I know what I said but I wanted the opposite at that moment.

I thought he had fallen asleep when I said

“Micah”

He didn’t even say anything, I heard a grunt.
And I turned and planted a wet one on his lips.
He ran his hand under his t-shirt I was wearing. That was it!
Our lips locked and it felt so good.
So good, I was annoyed when he turned me over and spooned me.
Until he spread my cheeks and slid into me.
He belly was cold but he breath was warm and his throbbing member was anything but.
With each thrust, he spread me wider and I grabbed a handful of the sheets in my right hand.
My moans were subdued. It was very late and his window was open.
But I wanted to scream.
It had been so long and naturally it hurt a little. And I loved it.
I could feel him pulse and I moved my hips to match his stride.
It was satisfying as he filled me up.
He pumped and grunted before panting for air.
I turned over and snuggled into his chest. I could hear his heart beating.
He wrapped his arm around me and it was only moments before he knocked out.
I placed my leg over his and that is the last I remember of the night.

…..

Thud…Thud…Thud.
I ignored it.
Thud…Thud… Thudddddd.
I thought I was dreaming but I slowly started to come into my consciousness.
Then I realized the noise was actually outside.
I sprung up, only to see Micah getting up as well. I said

“What is going on?”

He motioned with his left hand and said

“Hold on.
I’ll go check”

He grabbed his robe hanging off the inside of the open closet door and put it on.
Out the room he marched, leaving it slightly ajar.
I heard him put on his slippers and head towards the door.
I hated how he dragged his feet. It was always a pet peeve of mine.
Still surprised me how I developed feelings for a man that did something I hated so much.

I heard the front door open.
I actually thought it was someone that he owed money or maybe his car was blocking someone from leaving out the parking lot.
As the door opened I heard someone say very loudly

“Where is he?! Where is he?!
I know you have my son in here”

I recognized that voice – it was my father.
It took a second for what was happening to register, so there was a delay in my head.
Before I could jump up and put my clothes on, my father barged into the room
There was midway hunched over trying to grab my boxers. Butt ass naked.
I turned and looked straight and my father.
A lagging Micah was behind as he said

“Pastor, I can explain”

All I could say was

“Daddy”

Please leave me a comment or tweet at me here@adewus4real! Feedback is EVERYTHING~Thanks!

The End.

Part Two is already done and ready to drop! @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated.
Thanks for the love and support.

Stay up

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© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · African Fiction · African Stories · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Stories · TheRants

Against Counsel – Part 4

The Last Stop…

Against Counsel
Part IV

It felt like an eternity.
I was staring out the window and watching the cars on the busy street. My eyes would fix on a particular car or person and track them till they moved out of the show.
I didn’t want to turn around.
My eyes were swollen from all the crying I had done in mere minutes.

So here I was for years, fasting and praying that God would give me something from someone who was doing everything within his power to hinder me.
Life.
Tobias broke the silence

“Adeola, let me explain”

I didn’t turn around yet.
He continued

“There is just a lot that I should have told you sooner and I am deeply sorry”

I swallowed hard.
My saliva was thick and I could feel a slight headache coming on, still looking outside the window and without turning, I said

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

He paused and then began to say

“You will never know the amount of guilt and sadness that I have held over the years. I have always wanted to tell….”

I turned and yelled

“Are you kidding me?
9 years Toby! (I called him Toby)
Nine years, I slaved, prayed and bled to give you a child and you couldn’t bring yourself to tell me?!
Are you fucking serious?”

I was barely able to get the words out as I was losing my voice

“Adeola, I promise I never planned to hurt you.
Do you know how it feels to live in a prison of life?
Pretending to be somebody else and trying to convince yourself that you are not who you think you are.
Marrying you was a mistake because I should have known who I was.. Falling in love with you was not one.
You have to believe that I wished I could tell you but I was a coward.
Afraid of what coming out to you would mean. The woman I shared sacred vows with….”

I couldn’t contain my tears but I let his words sit for a few seconds and then I said

“Those vows mean nothing because they were based on a lie.
A vey important lie.
did you always know before we got married that you were not attracted to women?”

 

His face seemed to drop.
He took a deep breath and said

“I had an idea but I was never really sure.
Some people thought it was a phase and that I would grow past it once I got married.
It subsided for a while but ultimately I wasn’t happy.
Not by any fault of ours but because I needed a different kind of love.
I should have told you and the fact that I couldn’t is all on me. Not you”

Honestly I wanted to say more but I was so broken.
This was a rollercoaster ride that I wanted to stop but I couldn’t.
But I had to know

“How long were you with him? And why did you get a vasectomy? We could have still had a child.”

 

He shook his head and said

“No we couldn’t. My count was low.
I had checked a year into our marriage. I also did not want to bring a child into this world to a life of lies and only to be confused.
That would be selfish on another level… As for the partners, I have only had two.
I was with one for about 2years until Abike threatened to expose me to you, if I didn’t stop… and then I started back up about year ago with the boy that works with you.”

I turned sharply towards Abike and screamed

“What?!… You knew he was cheating?! And you didn’t tell me?!”

She looked shell shocked.
Eyes big and wide, she froze.

…..

“Abike! Abike!”

She snapped out of her trance and muffled

“Hmmm”

“What is he saying?!!!”

I snarled back at her.
She was still frozen like a deer in headlights.

“Abike, I swear to God, if you don’t open your mouth….I will slap the shit out of you!”

I yelled at her.
Then she spoke.

“Yes!
I knew. I fucking knew and everyone knew.
We just wondered how you never knew…
….there was one evening when I came to drop something off for you. You had given me the keys because both of you were supposed to be out of town.
I walked in on your husband giving a man a blowjob. I was furious.
I wanted to tell you but you were so happy…so in love…I wasn’t going to be the one to take that away from you.
….And like he said, he apologized and promised he wasn’t going to do it again. I figured we would all move past it and it was a mistake”

 

Now I was angry!

“A mistake? A fucking mistake?
Do you think I would call it a fucking mistake if I walked in on your husband blowing another man?!
A mistake?! Wow… I have never heard anything more stupid in my life!”

She raised her hands in a pacifying motion and said

“Adeola, I said this already.
Nobody wants to be a home wrecker. I didn’t know how to say anything.”

“You are my sister! my fucking sister, Abike!
I don’t care about a stupid home if my own sister cannot tell me when the walls are crashing down.
You betrayed my trust…. I can’t even believe all of this. I just can’t.
This is too much”

I started to move towards the door when Abike said

“Sis Adeola, I am really sorry. Please believe that I am and I Want to to do everything within my power to make this better. If you will just allow me to try.”

I turned around as I grabbed my purse and I said

“You see that is your problem. You all continue to take and give nothing.
I have been there for you in countless ways, I love your children like they are my own.
Yet you have taken all of my happiness from me.
I am at a junction in my life….*tears*…. where I should be leaning on you the most and here I am finding the most heart wrenching things about my life through the lenses of other people.
You are my sister for crying out loud.
….. I am pregnant with a child that I know nothing of his father. For all I know, it could be this one or the Lord visited me in the middle of the night because I know I haven’t been with anyone else.
And I have cancer Abike!
Cancer that I only just found the strength to fight. So no, I will not be giving you any chances to do anything here.”

 

As I tried to leave, Lizzy, who had been standing in the corner started to move towards the door with me.
Tobias reached and tried to hold me.

“Don’t touch me.”

I tearfully said and then I heard Abike’s voice

“Wait!”

I stopped in my tracks.
She continued and said

“Since you are going to be leaving, there is something you should know now.”

Her husband Kunle looked at her very surprised and said

“Really, you want to tell her now?”

She bowed her head and said

“I have to.”

I was intrigued.
I shut the door and turned, holding my purse in front of me with both hands.

“What is it?”

I asked
She was already crying heavily which always broke my heart. She sniffled a few times and then she said

“I know the father of your child”

……

Pause for a second.
Have you ever been in the middle of a bad dream, and something bad was about to happen but you let it play its course, because you knew it was a bad dream?
Okay.
Now, have you ever been wide awake and watching life move right in front of you, like a bad dream?
Like everything that is happening is mortifying and you cannot stop it?

“Who?”

I finally asked
She looked over to her husband and he dropped his head.

“Abike, who?!”

She dropped her head and said

“Kunle”

Tobias charged at him and almost got physical with him.
Abike jumped in between them.
I had to sit down and then she said

“Please don’t hate me.
But Kunle is the father”

I was stunned but confused

“Abike, what are you saying?”

She started to explain

“I have seen first hand your struggle to have a baby.
After I caught Tobias with the man, I confronted him and in there, he told me that he most likely would not be able to have children because his count was low.
I watched you cry and beg God for a child and I know how much you wanted one….

….So I asked Kunle. He was initially against it and he even got angry with me for suggesting it.
But I was able to convince him.
I knew you would never step out of your marriage and I figured Tobias was the problem. So Kunle eventually did it.”

I stood up and I was the one who charged at her.
Tobias and Lizzy grabbed me as I screamed

“What?!
You had your husband rape me?!”

“Noo… nooo…. I just thought that it would be better.
To keep it in the family. I was never going to say anything.
I just wanted you to be happy. I swear that I was never looking to hurt you. I thought I was helping.”

I looked over to Kunle and I asked

“Is this true?”

He nodded.
I really felt violated. Like someone tore open my insides and had it on display for the whole world to see.
Even though it was months later, I still felt like I had been robbed of a certain innocence.
Why?
Why was this happening to me?

What did I ever do to have my life so difficult?
I believe in God and I truly felt like I was doing the right things in life.
This was too much.
I spent my life helping people put their marriages together and here I was losing everything that I built.

I didn’t even know what to say anymore.
I stood up and walked out of the room. Lizzy followed closely.
As we entered the hallway, Abike, Tobias and Kunle followed me. I heard Abike say wait but I kept walking.
She said it again.

I stopped, and tearful I asked

“How?”

She didn’t answer. The hallway had nurses and people that had been listening to all that happened in the room.
I asked her again

“How?!”

She said

“A few times when you came over, I spiked your drink and you were out cold.
I promise, I wasn’t trying to hurt you!”

With heavy tears pouring out of my eyes, I said

“I pray you all rot in hell.”

…….

That afternoon was the last I saw of those three.
Lizzy and I soon came to Atlanta together as I continued treatment.

I remember on our flight from Lagos, I kept thinking of all the signs I missed again.
The waking up sore at Abike’s house or being told not to marry him but ignoring all warnings. I blamed myself.

I went against every counsel as a young woman because I thought I was in love.
Now I am not encouraging anyone to simply accept the advice of anyone that has something to say about your romantic life but certainly evaluate everything.

I felt a certain peace in my heart that Toby was now happy with whoever he wanted to be with and he didn’t have to continue looking over his shoulder.
Love should never feel like a prison.
I felt a new dawn coming for me.
I was very uncertain about how it would all play out but I knew that this time around, I would be directing my own movie- how I wanted to.

“Are you ready?”

Lizzy asked, I nodded and smiled yes.

They wheeled me into the OR shortly after.
The doctor looked at me and said

“Are you sure you want to go through with this?
With your situation, you may never be able to have children of your own”

I nodded and said

“I’m sure”

On July, 21st 2017, I aborted the 4 month pregnancy.

For about an hour that night, I sat down in the shower and I just cried.
I cried so hard.
My hair was falling out from all the chemotherapy and I was feeling weak.
No guilt from the decision I made because I felt it was the right one.
I was never going to bring a child into this world under those circumstances.
The last few months had been nothing short of a rollercoaster ride.

I stood up and dried myself off.
Walking into the living room, Lizzy was walking out of her room as well.
In her hand, she was holding a pregnancy test stick. She had pushed back her wedding after everything that happened to come to Atlanta with me.
She looked at me, I looked at the stick, we looked at each out and my heart warmed.
I walked over to her and hugged her tight.
I couldn’t sobbing as she did the same in my arms.
If this was full circle, I’m glad.
For as long as I lived, I would love that baby like it was mine.
To love, to cherish, to counsel, to adore; against every obstacle and every odd.

The End.

Pleaseeeeeeee leave me a comment and let me know how you felt about this part and the entire series. It means a lot!

Thank you for reading the Against Counsel series with me! I throughly enjoyed writing it for you all and I hope you enjoyed the ride with me. If you hate me for how the ending panned out, I AM HERE FOR IT~ 😊

Another series by The Wordsmith is already cooking! @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated.
Thanks for the love and support.

Stay up

#SanmiSaturdays
© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · African Fiction · African Stories · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Stories · TheRants

Against Counsel – Part 2

I just stood there, staring at them.
Motionless.
I wanted to move, but I couldn’t.
My therapist would later say it was due to the shock I felt and I have to agree.
How could he?
How could he stoop so low?
How could he do that me after everything?

My face was blank as he covered up himself up with the bed sheets.
He stretched out his hands and said,

“Babe, let me explain!”

I didn’t let him finish, instead, I turned to the left towards the man standing there.

Right then it struck me, I knew who he was!

As I turned to him, he ducked and tried to hide his face.

I moved closer to him and said,

“Turn the fuck around!”

He failed to move.

I walked up behind him and placed my hand on the back of his right shoulder and made him turn around.

I was right. I knew him, I just wasn’t sure where from.

I squinted while I looked at him and said,

“Where do I know you from?”

His head down and turned away. As he turned, it struck me.

My eyes grew big as I gasped,

“Aren’t you Susan’s brother?!”

He turned and bolted for his clothes. Susan was one of my employees and her brother had interned for me a few years prior.

I started laughing sarcastically as my husband approached me.

“You are such a dog!
Worse than the filth of this Earth! Oh my God!
How did I ever think to marry you?”

I headed for the door as he reached for me. His left arm touched me. I turned and screamed,

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!!!”

I stormed out of the room.

On my way out of the house, I stopped by the living room and grabbed my iPhone charger.
It wasn’t until after I had been held up in traffic and driving for about 10 minutes, that I began to I broke down.
Tears were streaming down my face, I felt broken.
Shattered.

I kept asking myself  two questions, “Why?” and “What will people think of me?”

I felt like my world was crumbling around me.
I was so lost in thought that I didn’t realize when traffic started moving. The car behind me honked, and I stepped on the gas a little too hard and I bumped into the car in front of me.

…..

I called my driver who I had just dismissed earlier when I stormed out of the house.
The person I hit was yelling at me hysterically. It made sense, especially since the car he was driving belonged to his boss.

I tried to calm him down but he wouldn’t stop yelling. Cars were squeezing around us to get through.
I just wanted to get out of there.

“Madam! I no know how you go do am but you must pay me o. My oga (boss) go kill me!!”, he hysterically wailed at me.

Frustrated, I took a deep sigh and asked,

“How much will be enough to cover this?”

He stopped and looked at me,

“Madam, me I no know o but you go pay for am.”

I turned to my driver and said,

“Adamu, go with him to the mechanic. I will call my assistant to meet you there. She will handle the bill once the car is fixed.”

He nodded and said,

“Madam, you sure sey you go dey okay?”

I nodded while waving him off. I turned to the driver of the car I hit and asked,

“That one go dey okay?”

He shyly nodded as his face was washed with relief.

They both jumped into the other car and headed off.
I returned to my car and headed for a nearby hotel that my husband and I frequently used on date nights.
I just needed some quiet so I could think.

As my back touched the bed, I curled up into a ball and it felt like my mind began doing a full highlight reel of my life with my husband.
Every situation and circumstance we had experienced. I couldn’t begin to understand what was going on.
My heart began to go through different phases. There was betrayal, then anger, then I felt guilt and embarrassment.

“Maybe this was my fault for not giving him children.”, I thought to myself.
But that would not explain him being with a man.

Another wave of tears came about, I had been with a man that was a liar and a fraud.
How could I have been so stupid?
I pretty much cried myself to sleep that night.

When I opened my eyes, it was 9am.
I was typically up before 5am on most days. I was clearly exhausted.

I had my clothes from my trip to Ghana, so I freshened up and decided that I would go about my day.
The one thing I was sure of was that if I stayed balled in, I would only think about my problems.
So I decided to immerse myself into my work, with the hopes of getting better.

I showed up at the office with my sunglasses on as I walked through the building.
No one was going to see the pain in my eyes.
I met with my first clients of the day, shortly after 11am.

They were a couple going through a divorce. A huge part of providing therapy for anyone is always being able to check your countertransference.
As they discussed their issues with me, I found myself doubting every word that came out of the man’s mouth.
I could just hear the words my husband said at our last session, coming out of his mouth like it was a voice over….

“I would never leave you for another woman…”

Carefully put by a bastard who had mastered playing the lines.
Yes, he did not leave me for a man but he thought it was okay to be with another man?

My mind had wandered and I snapped back into the present.
I don’t even remember giving any advice to that couple that day, I just wanted them to be honest with themselves.

I said to both of them, “This will only work if the two of you are truly and completely honest with each other.
Not even seeing me will help if the other is still holding back.”

That was the crux of what I said before I sent them on their way.
I was responding to emails when I heard a knock on the door.

“Come in.” ,I said in an even tone.
The door drifted open and I looked up. It was my husband.

Filled with disgust, I asked, “What are you doing here?”

He shut the door behind him and he got down on his knees as he said, “Please let me explain.”

I could not believe this man.

I stood up and yelled, “Explain what…?!
How you cheated on me with another man?
How you lied to my face in months of therapy?
How long have you been taking it up your ass? Huh…?! How long have you been exposing me to diseases and disrespect…? Tell me!
Is that what you came to explain…?

…we were supposed to be in this together. To prove the world wrong and show that true love perseveres.
Everything I preach and teach my clients is a lie! All because of you and your selfish ass.
I pray you rot in hell. I have nothing more to say to you.
Get out of my office!”

He stayed on the floor and just looked up at me for mercy.
Mercy didn’t live here.
I knew no mercy and I say this to you now, if I could, I would have killed him.

He stretched out his hands like a beggar in Ojodu and said, “Please find it in your heart to forgive me.”

Those words set me off.

“Forgive you?!
Forgive you???
No, I need to find a way to forgive myself for the mistake of marrying you. Since you won’t leave, I’ll leave for you.”

I grabbed my purse, car keys and made my way for the door.
As I approached him, he stood up and grabbed me.
Those strong arms that once protected me, felt like a prison I could not break free from.

“Let me go! Tobias, let me gooooo!
Let me go.. let me goo… let meeeee gooooo!!”

I broke down in tears in his arms as he held the back of my head.
I cried in his arms and he held on to me. A part of it felt familiar and also unclean.
A few moments passed and I pushed him off.
Teary eyes, I looked up to him and said, “You fucked me over. I never did anything to deserve this!”

I stormed out of my office and caught the eye of Lizzy, my assistant as I headed out.
I paused and said, “You can reach me on my cell for any urgent matters but please reschedule all my appointments for the week and help me look into a ticket to London for next week. Thanks.”

She forced a smile as I walked out.

Lizzy was a true confidant and as I headed out, I felt like I trusted her more than I trusted myself.

As I drove away, I selected the late Fela Anikulapo Kuti’s album “Gentleman”.
Windows down, shades on, tears streaming down my cheeks – I blasted one of the truly legendary albums ever released out of Africa.
Straight to my sister’s house, I went. I needed a lifting.
I needed my nieces.

……

Nobody was home when I arrived.
I parked on the side of the street and just sat on the front steps.
Gazing into the settling evening, I must have been sitting there for about 4 hours.

I heard their footsteps as they turned the corner, my nieces ran up to me and hugged me.
Their parents followed closely behind.
As my sister approached me, she said, “How long have you been sitting there?”

I smiled and lied, “Not too long. How are you guys?!”

I redirected my attention to my nieces. Off they went!

Chattering about their day and everything colorful within it. Bliss.
As we entered the living room, they headed to their rooms to finish their homework and then come out to play.

My sister and I sat down in the living room. Her husband turned on the television and flipped through the sports channels.

She turned and asked me point blank, “What is wrong?”

A part of me wanted to lie but I couldn’t anymore.

I dropped my head for a moment, took in a deep breath. I looked up and said, “Tobias has been cheating on me”

She gasped.

Her husband turned around and looked towards us. He stepped back from the television and came to sit next to me.

She gathered herself and said, “Sis, I am so sorry to hear that…
…Are you okay?
How did you find out…?”

I smiled and fought back tears as I said, “Let’s just say I found out.”

My sister patted my back and simultaneously rubbed it as she said, “You know you are always welcome to come and stay here with us.”

I nodded and replied, “That won’t be necessary. I am already staying somewhere.”

She knew better than to argue with me.

I gave them some more updates on my trip to Ghana and the last 12 hours of my day with him coming to my office.

As I wrapped up, I asked, “Where are the girls?”

My sister replied and said, “They are finishing up their homework. They should be done soon.
…In the meantime, can I get you anything to drink? Water, juice, wine, whiskey…?”

She motioned and smiled as she walked towards the kitchen.
I smiled at her trying to cheer me up and said, “Whiskey. On the rocks.”

“Alrighty! Babe, what about you?”,she asked her husband.

“A beer is okay babe.”

She disappeared into the kitchen.

As the kitchen door closed, her husband moved closer to me and said, “I am sorry Adeola. I can’t even begin to understand how hard this must be for you”

He paused and said,“This doesn’t change much for me though, I still think you need to tell him.”

I looked at him in confusion and said, “Why would I need to tell him that? Why would I even tell anyone that right now?”

He sighed and said, “I understand that it is hard for you but you have to tell him. You need to tell the people you love. They deserve to know.”

As those words sailed off, my sister was halfway into the room.

She said, “Tell us what.”

I looked up and saw the uncertainty written all over her face.

I looked at her husband, her and then sighed before saying, “I have stage IV ovarian cancer.”

Before I could finish my sentence, the glass in her hand dropped and shattered all over the floor.

At that very same moment, from the corner of my eye, I saw my nieces burst into the living room.

It all happened like it was in slow motion but the farthest from it, my life was a rollercoaster ride at it was about to fly off the tracks.

Be back here on Saturday 7-29-17 for Part 3 of this gripping series; Against Counsel

 

Against Counsel – Part 2 by The Wordsmith @adewus4real

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#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · African Fiction · African Stories · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Stories · TheRants · Uncategorized

Against Counsel

 

“Mummy, buy groundnut?
Mummy, buy from me ma. It’s fresh one”

The little boy hawked his bottled ground nuts to me. I could see the desperation in his eyes.
This was his livelihood. He had to sell.
I so badly wanted to get him out of his reality but was that really my place?

“How much?

I asked

“tiri (three) hundred naira ma”

I handed him a thousand naira note.
He took a quick glance at it and then said

 

“Mummy, I no get change ma”

I smiled and said

“No worry. Keep am”

His face lit up and he almost jumped in place with shock written all over his face.
He tried to hand me the bottle of ground nut.
I said

“I no want”

He looked even more surprised and said

“But you just pay for am mummy..”

I nodded and said

“I know. But I no dey chop am”

He finally got it
He knelt down on the hot tar in Lagos traffic and thanked me

“God go bless you madam. Anything you day find, God go day bless you”

I smiled as I rolled up the window in the back of my car.
I looked up at the driver and the traffic still ahed of us.
This was the part I hated and loved about Lagos.
Moments like this in traffic, I could think and gather my thoughts but also get consumed by thoughts that I should avoid.

“Hello… aha aha! Can’t you hear me?”

I could hear my sister and best friend Abike speaking, through my headphones.
I replied

“Abike, why are you shouting?”

She hissed and said

“It’s your people in your family that are shouting”

We both laughed as I said

“I keep telling you I’m adopted. All of them in your family are not okay.
We are almost there sha”

She replied and said

“Okay. Jide just walked in with the kids sef.”

I smiled.
I was getting to see my babies.
My sister had two adorable little girls and I love them like they are mine.
They just bring me so much joy.

“I think we should be there in 10 minutes, I’ll call you when we are outside”

….

As I stepped out of the car, Wonuola (6) and Wuraola (4) both rushed towards my outstretched arms.
I gave them big hugs as their smiles lit up my world.
They just seemed so full of love and I needed that.
After long weeks and life draining all of what I had left, I would often stop by and just spend time with two people that saw me as a superhero.

Sitting in the living room, they ran rings around Jide and Abike. I loved every minute of it.
The two hours I spent with them made up for everything I had lost all week.
As I left, I gave Abike a hug and she handed me my gele (African Head Tie) and said

“Next week o!
I’ll come to the Island and we can go”

She was referring to a family friends birthday part that I was going to need the head tie for.
I hooped in the back of the car and my driver backed out of their house.

As we made our way to my next meeting, my mind raced.
Spending time with my nieces always reminded me of my own reality.
I am extremely happy for my sister in motherhood and watching my nieces fills me with so much joy.
But I always leave asking when will it be my turn.
I wanted to be a mother. I want to be a mother.
I’ve been married for 9 years and been waiting on God to bless my home with children.

 

I run my marriage counseling outfit and my husband is an engineer with one of the top firms in the country.
Money is not the problem but a 5 bedroom house feels empty very quickly when there is no one running through the halls.
I just celebrated my 36th birthday and I was subtly reminded that I didn’t have any children as people had to find sitters or some canceled because of children related obligations.
It’s a difficult reality.

 

I was very absent from the meeting.
Physically present but my mind was elsewhere. The meeting was just to finalize the budget for my company and get my signature.
30minutes later, I was walking out of the conference room and heading into my office.
My assistant closely followed me behind, she said

“Ma, we need to reschedule the Odufalu’s appointment”

I looked at her and said

“Schedule it and put it on my calendar. Okay?”

She nodded as I picked up some documents and headed out of the office.
Back into the car I went and on to the next stop.

…..

I snatched my purse and rushed out of the car. I was trying to be really quiet as I snuck into the waiting room.
My husband Tobias was sitting on his phone.
I sat next to him placing my purse on my lap as I said

“Sorry I’m late”

He was on a phone call but he smiled and leaned in to give me a kiss.
He ended the call a few seconds later and turned to me
He said

“How are they?”

I beamed and replied

“Beautiful as always”

as I pulled out my phone to show him a video I had taken of my nieces from earlier in the day.
We laughed together and then we got called in for our appointment.

Couples therapy.
As a therapist, I fought the idea for the longest time. I felt like it was a personal smear on my part and a sign of failure.
My husband is a good man.
The thoughtful kind.
The “I intentionally do just because shit for you” kind. A protector and a great listener.
But 9 years of childlessness can begin to take its toll. The pressures from both of our families began to weigh on us.
I went from being really vivacious and expressive to being reclusive.
He became the opposite, needing to step up and show up for me in the face of our families.
There was still a lot of love between us.
But something was missing.

 

“I just don’t always know how to talk to her anymore.
Like it feels like we recycle the same subjects that frustrate us. We want a child. But we can make one out of salt, can we?…

…I know she feels responsible and holds a lot of that on herself but I just wish she would know that I love her deeply and nothing can take that away.”

He finished as he looked over my way and the therapist turned to me to respond.
I sighed and rubbed my thighs before saying

“Yes, I do feel responsible.
I have sleepless nights and I see he is withdrawn and it scares me.
I know he loves me but we all have needs. I know he is about to be 40 and pictured being a dad years ago.
I daily feel a sense of guilt and I worry that one day, I might not be enough for him anymore.”

The therapist said

“Tobias, what do you have to say about how she feels?”

He turned to me and held my hand,

“Babe, you are one of the best things to ever happen to me.
I thank God for allowing you to say yes to me every day. I really really love you.
And I don’t want you t forget that. I know our communication has not been great lately but I guess that is why we are doing this together.
I can promise you that I will never leave you for any other woman and I will do my best to make sure our communication is much better”

I smiled and I could feel the honesty in his voice.
It was only our third session but I felt good about it as we walked out.
He pulled me in close and gave me a really big kiss.
I felt it in my spine. As I pulled away, I said

“You are lucky I am heading to the airport, otherwise, we would have for sure made a baby tonight”

He laughed and smacked my bum as I walked to my car.

“I love you”

I shouted across the way as I entered the car.
He turned and said

“I love you too…. Let me know when you get to Ghana”

……

One of my old clients, owned a school in Accra and she invited me to hold a talk for the girls at her school.
The talk was about women empowerment and being able to chase their dreams.

So that Saturday morning, we had a breakfast breakout sessions with the girls.
It was engaging and inspiring.
I felt like I was learning so much from these beautiful young women.
They spoke about their goals and dreams in a way that I hoped my nieces would, some day.

Some spoke about family pressures, the lack of representation in the fields they wanted to explore.
But I felt like I offered my story as an example of powering through and finding your voice.

I was feeling very good and while I was scheduled to stay in Accra till Monday morning, I was missing Tobias.
So on Sunday morning, I headed to the airport and luckily enough, I was able to get on a flight.
As I landed, I headed straight for the church. I was hoping to surprise my husband by joining him at church.
The second service was wrapping up when I got there but he was nowhere in sight.
I called his phone and no answer. I figured he was probably at home watching football and decided not to go to church because I wasn’t there to bother him into going.

 

As the Uber pulled into the driveway, his car was not there.
Mine was parked under the outdoor garage canopy, so I thought he must have headed out with his boys.
I opened the door and set down my suitcase at the foot of the stairway. I placed my purse next to it and kicked off my shoes.
Turning right, I headed into the kitchen when I poured myself a glass of wine. I could hear noises from our bedroom.
It was the television.
I remember chuckling and just thinking that this man was here ignoring my calls and watching football.

Hitting the landing upstairs, I heard my husband say

“Babe”

And I responded while opening the door

“Yes my King”

His eyes grew big and he said

“Shit!”

as he scrambled to get covered.
I asked

“Whats wrong babe?”

He couldn’t speak but he didn’t need to.
Seconds later, a butt-ass naked young man walked into the room with his semi hard penis dangling.
I felt my heart hit the bottom of my stomach.
My husband of 9 years with a naked man in my matrimonial bed.
WhatTheHeckMan!

Against Counsel by The Wordsmith @adewus4real

Thanks for the love and support.
Stay up

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Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#SanmiSaturdays
© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan

 

 

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · African Fiction · African Stories · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Stories · TheRants

Last Night

Follow Me on Twitter @adewus4real

Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Tick….
I was holding my head beneath my bangs with my left hand, as I stared at the clock, which punished me for each minute I had stolen every morning this week.
It was moving painfully slow and I just wanted to go home.
I was so tired.
But thank God it was Friday.

I don’t remember ever running out of the office as fast I did that day. Except for the time when I had a flight to catch.
I rushed into my car and headed home. I just wanted to slump on my bed and binge watch OINTB until I passed out.
As I neared my house, I realized that I didn’t have any more wine. I must have consumed all of it, although it was a slow week.

I turned into the Bevmo parking lot and headed for the wine.
10minutes later, I was heading home and my weekend was about to begin.
It was a struggle to pull myself up the stairs and into my bed.
I slumped into my bed, without taking my clothes off. I sipped my wine and picked the episode I wanted to watch.
I must have dozed off like I always do once the wine kicks in.

I was awoken by my phone.
“Hey girl, what are you up to… wait, are you sleeping?”
My best friend Tola asked me before I could even answer.

“Babe, I didn’t even realize I had knocked out.
What’s going on?”

She laughed and then said in a clearly distracted tone,
“Come on! Let’s go… no, please put that in a separate bag. Thanks.”

My eyes were still closed and I said,
“Come where? Where are you going?
Cause only Jesus can get me out of this bed right now!”

She was walking out of the store she was in when she said,
“It’s Mayowa’s birthday. He’s getting a few tables at Liquid. Let’s go na.”

I slightly opened my eyes, noticing the Netflix screen asking “Are you still there?”

I told Tola,
“See eh, I’m so tired right now. Before I do makeup, fix my hair and everything…” I sighed thinking about it. “Can you see if Janet wants to go? I’m tired.”

I assumed she accepted my plea and was looking for another victim for her night out.
My phone rang a few minutes later, and to my surprise, it was Janet.
She didn’t say much other than,
“You’re going. Get ready. We’ll be there in an hour.”
That was Janet; the sweetest but also the most direct person I know.

An hour and a half later, we were doing shots on my kitchen counter and then we were off!
I was still tired and sleepy. My plan was to come back and get a few good hours of sleep in before my afternoon appointment on Saturday.
The crew at the club was the same as always, mostly people I grew up and went to college with.

It was your regular event, with Snapchat filters and flashing lights that filled the section as we celebrated a dear friends birthday.
I had gotten up to powder my nose, when I felt a gentle tap on my right arm.
I swung around to see who it was and boy, was I surprised!

I found myself locking eyes with a tall and dark-skinned man, as he began to flash his beautiful white smile. He said,
“I’m so sorry to have touched you but I just had to get your attention.”

I smiled and accepted his apology, telling him, “It’s okay.”

He then said,
“I’d love to buy you a drink.”

I smiled and said,
“How about when I return from the ladies room?”

He nodded in agreement.

Tola had seen the interaction and she raced into the bathroom.
She began questioning me,
“Who is he?!
Girlllllll he is fineeee!”

I also couldn’t stop smiling! She was right, he was very easy on the eyes… even though I knew nothing about him.
I replied her, “Girl I don’t  know. I’ll let you know when I get the gist.”

I headed back out and met him at the bar. He had two drinks waiting, as he leaned on the bar.

“You ordered for me?”,I asked him.

He nodded and said,
“I hope you don’t mind. I thought you might enjoy this drink.”

He slid a cosmopolitan my way and as I picked it up I said,
“I hope you didn’t spike my drink.”

He smiled and motioned upwards with his hands, while shaking his head vigorously.
I took a sip and a dope night began.

We talked in the corner and I showed him what a proper whine felt like a few times.
He was witty and funny.
He kept his strong hands around my waist as he matched my every move, I was really feeling him.

So you can understand my frustration when the lights came on and the DJ announced that the club was closing.

I tried to play it off as we walked outside, then he asked me,
“Have you ever had a chorizo and cheese hot dog from one of those carts?”
He pointed a few yards down the street.

My face lit up!
I loved them! How did he know? He couldn’t have known!
I slapped his right arm as I said,
“Shut up! I love those!”

“Ouch!”, he squealed like I had just broken his whole arm.

We laughed and walked up to the cart. As we ate the dogs, he asked,
“I hope your friends aren’t upset that I took you away from them tonight.”

I shook my head with my mouth full, as I swallowed I replied,
“No. I bet you they are glad they didn’t have to babysit me tonight. Cause I didn’t really want to come out.”

He gasped jokingly and said,
“So you mean you wouldn’t have met my awesomeness today?”

I chuckled and said,
“I guess that’s why I’m glad I did come out tonight.”

He smiled and turned towards me as he said,
“And I’m sad I’m going to have to leave you.”

I don’t know when I blurted it out but I said,
“We can go back to mines if you want, I still some wine left over.”

He smiled and replied,
“Who’s trying to get who drunk now?”

We both laughed.

For the whole Uber ride, I kept playing back that sequence and questioning myself,
“Why did I ask him to come over?!”

I only comforted myself by saying I knew I wasn’t going back to his place. At least this way, I could kick him out if I wanted. And I wouldn’t have had to be at some random guys apartment.

We arrived at my apartment and I let us in.
My wine glass was still sitting on the kitchen counter. I emptied it and poured myself a new glass as he opened the new bottle.
He proceeded to pour himself a glass and then walked over to the couch with the bottle in hand.

We went through that bottle and another as we just sat on the floor and talked about everything.
I loved that he works as a lawyer for a group of charter schools that served disabled children and he could play the guitar.
And that smile, oh that smile!
There was a point where he spoke and I just wished he would kiss me.
I wasn’t sure I wanted that on the first meeting but I tell you, his perfect lips were so annoying because they covered that gorgeous smile.

I remember him asking if he could kiss me.
I had always talked about how I thought any man that asked that was stupid because he should know if there was a vibe and if he had the green light, he would know.
But the way he asked melted me.

I just nodded sheepishly.
As he placed his soft lips on mine, I felt chills run through my spine and down my folded legs.
As he pulled away, he licked his lips and I wanted more.

I said
“You are trouble.”

He smiled and said,
“I’ll get in trouble for you.”

I pulled him in and I kissed him. Hard.

I’m not sure how long it was but he just locked his lips on mine. When he broke, he kissed my neck.
I could feel my walls contracting and I starting to flood.
My heart was racing and my mind was trying to catch up.
His lips were wet and soft down my neck and I tried to decide if I wanted this to go any further.

He kissed his was down my blouse and I just knew I was going to.
Somewhere in my mind, I said fuck it.

He was strong and gentle at the same time.
The way he cupped my breasts and squeezed them. And how he pulled me close…I was melting in his arms.

His tongue searched my hard drive for lost files. When he arrived at my navel, he looked up at me for approval.
I just wanted him to pull them off. I thanked my stars that I had recently gotten a wax.

He slowly pulled my panties off.

I was wet.

Not one of those, I’m not sure if it’s a drizzle or rain. It was a tsunami.

He smiled as he kissed my thighs and his lips parted mine.
I squirmed as he licked and slurped.

Oh, it felt so good.
For one, I was getting my pink feasted on, two, I didn’t have to direct him.
The man knew his way around me like he had been there before.

He nibbled and sucked, as he paced himself. I moaned and squirmed underneath the panel lights from the courtyard outside, which shined into my living room.

I could feel myself nearing a climax and it was like he knew it too. He pinned my thighs to his shoulders and dug in.

His tongue carried it’s strength in strokes as it twisted and circled around my now throbbing clit.

My toes curled, my back tensed and lifted off the couch with my pink still his mouth.

And there is was, climax. I let out a satisfying moan as I pushed him off me.

He sat back with a smug smile on his face like a proud winner.

I got up, moved closer to him and lowered my lips onto his shaft.
He moaned.

The warmth of my mouth combined with the swirl of my tongue had him holding on to the back of my head.

I looked up at him as I shifted his hips to my strokes.

He got harder in my mouth. I lifted my mouth off and asked,
“Do you have a condom?”

He reached for his pants on the floor and pulled one out of his wallet.

It was on.

He lifted me in his arms and headed for the kitchen counter. He placed me down, legs over his arms and slowly slipped into my wetness.

The view was amazing, his towering shoulders, the silhouette of the lighting behind him.

He gripped unto my waist as he slapped his pelvis into mine.

I wish you understand how good it felt to have someone dominate with such skill and obviously granted permission.
He slid out of me and walked me to my room, it was dark apart from the glow of the printer in the right hard corner.

No words.

He motioned for me to turn around and I did.

Face down, you know the rest.

As he went inside me, I clutched the sheets and cursed.

“Fuck!”

He was so strong, I tell you.

With each stroke, I thought I was going to break.
I can’t remember what he was saying but he was being so dirty and I liked it.

I could feel his balls slapping into my clit as my wetness transferred on to him.

He picked up and slowed the pace as he wanted.

I turned around to look at him and that’s where I had him.

His thrust got shorter and faster. He pounded harder and harder.

And there it was, a series of very satisfying grunts and he was done.

We laid there and tried to catch our breaths and then we laughed.

He said,
“That was amazing.”

I was glad he said it before I did because it was. I ran my right index finger down his chest and I got up.

Walking into the bathroom, I looked at myself in the mirror, a part of me wanted to feel bad but it was so good. I cleaned up and returned to the room.

He had his shirt and undergarments on.
He motioned to me and said,
“Do you want to cuddle?”

Do you know how that felt?!
A man that actually offers to cuddle?
And with those strong arms of his?

I quickly jumped into the bed. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.
On my back, I could feel his gentle heartbeat.
I remember thinking “what if” as I felt asleep.

The next morning, I woke feeling fresh.
I turned and tapped behind me and there was no one there.
He must have slipped out during the night.
“Oh well”, I thought. Hopefully, we’ll talk later.

I tried to find my phone but I soon realized that I had left it in the living room.
As I got up to get it, I could hear better.
I opened he bedroom door and there he was, briefs and a semi-hard member in between his legs. He was fixing me breakfast.

With a shy smile on my face, I said,
“Gbenga, You cook too?”

He turned and with a smile on his face, he replied,
“Only for special people.”

My smile got bigger.
He looked so good in there and his package between his legs was, even more, inviting in the morning.
I said,
“Well if you cook half as good as you eat, then I’m sure it will be awesome.”

The food was above average which was fair for most men.
What he did to me on my couch before he left was way above average.
I remember a sadness as he left before being reassured when he said,
“I’ll call you.”

I shut the door and I could not contain myself.
I was so happy and bouncy.
It hadn’t felt that good in so long.

I sat down on the couch with my tongue out covering half my smile. I picked up my phone and texted Tola.
“Gurllllllllllll!”

She knew what it meant.

Her reply was,
“Bissssssssh! That good?!

I replied,
“Girl you have no idea. All the gist after this gig. Love you, babe.”

I reached for my charger around the couch and plugged in my phone.
As I looked up at the clock, I muttered,
“Shit, I’m going to be late.”

I needed to shower and get going for my weekend gig.
I worked as a photographer and I took pictures of people and families as needed.
My client was this newly engaged couple that wanted to take their wedding announcement pictures.
But they lived over an hour away.
I hopped in the shower, and within 45 minutes, I was on my way.

It was a beautiful day out.
The shoot was going to be at a historic royal garden where I had shot before.
We were using a different side but I was excited all the same.
These gigs were the extra cash I had to pay off my student loans.
So I matter how tired I was, I always gave my best.

I made my way onto the grass and there she was. The soon to be bride.
I greeted her,
“Hey Danielle.”

I loved her. She was always so sweet over the phone and was referred by another client.
Always smiling and positive.
She turned and gave me the biggest hug.

“Sorry love, my fiancé is running a bit late.
He went out with his boys last night and you know how that can be.”

We laughed and just chatted about her upcoming wedding.
Her phone rang and she looked down to answer it.

“Hey babe, where are you?”, she asked.

He responded and she replied,
“We are over by the fountain.”, before ending the call.

“He’s here!”, she said to me with a smile on her face.

I couldn’t help but think, I can’t wait till I get those similar butterflies while in love.

I was fiddling with my camera when I heard a deep masculine voice say,
“Hey, baby.”

I knew that voice. Well, I thought I did, so I turned around and received the shock of my life.

She broke a short kiss from him and said,
“Ada, please meet my fiancé Gbenga.”

I almost choked on nothing. I was shocked.

He played it off like a pro as he walked up to me, stretched out his hand to shake mine.

I was so stunned that for a second, my brain forgot to tell my hand to rise.

We shook hands and he said,
“Sorry I kept both of you waiting, I got a little lost.”

“Bullshit!”, I thought.

He sure wasn’t lost last night when he was deep inside my gut like Indiana Jones.

Ugh! I felt so stupid.

I was even more annoyed by how well he played it off.
He was playful with his soon to be bride. Whispering sweet nothings in her ears, making her laugh and giggle.

All I could think of as the shutter on my camera closed was,
“Men are Scum!”

How could he?
Here I was about to brag about him to my girls!
From the gentleman-like behavior all night, to great sex and breakfast. I felt so insulted and disrespected but it was either shut up or crush this unassuming lady.

So I did my job and just felt sick inside.
The pictures were great and I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

I regretted the night before and I just wanted to head home, rip my off sheets since they were covered in his cologne and forget the past 24hrs ever happened.

As I sat in my car, I let out a deep sigh.
Thank God I wasn’t contracted to shoot their wedding because I don’t know if I would have been able to.
That thought was just leaving my head when my phone rang.

I reached for it and answered the call.
It was my boyfriend and he said,
“Hey, babe. How are you today?”

I shook my head as I almost vomited my insides filled with regret and disgust.
I composed myself and said,
“It was low-key babe. Didn’t even do anything.
How’s the hospital, any exciting patients?”

He answered away and my mind drifted off until I heard him say,
“Helloooo babe? Are you there?”

“Yes, babe. Sorry. Yes I am.”,
I replied apologetically.

He continued and said,
“I’m off in about 30minutes, what do you say to me coming over and making you something while we drink some wine and chill?”

My head dropped as I replied,
“I already ate babe. Rain check?”

He agreed and said goodbye.

Yeah, I ate quite alright and I was full of regret and disgust.

And thinking about my last 24hrs, all I could say was #WhatTheHeckMan

The End.

Please leave me a comment and let me know if you enjoyed the story. Thank you!

Last Night by The Wordsmith @adewus4real

Thanks for the love and support.
Stay up

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#SanmiSaturdays
© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · African Fiction · African Stories · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Stories · TheRants

The Man, The Shadow: Diary of A Lost Soul 4

The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul

The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul 2

The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul 3

Part 4

It rained during the entire ceremony, in some parts of the world, that might be seen as good luck but where I am from, well you can imagine.
Anything that stops Nigerians from having a full blown party out in the sunshine with jollof and dancing, is obviously an evil darkness.
I was totally unconscious as I was transported to Lagos.
I would later find out that I was in a coma.
When I opened my eyes, it was 4 days after the wedding and I was awoken by my friends who had come to check up on me.
I pestered one of the nurses into telling me if my mother and family had been over. My mother and some of my cousins had been the only people that had stopped to check on me.

Playing back that evening, I was trying to play detective and see if I had noticed anything about the men that attacked me.
Who called the hit?
My mind was racing but my heart slowed – It had gone cold.
It was very cold in the morning as I stood looking out of the window.
The sun had already risen and Lagos was already hours into its hustle.
There was a gentle knock on the door, before I could turn around to answer, my mother walked in.

“Oh you are awake?”

She said attempting to act surprised.

“Yes I am”

She smiled and said

“I just wanted to bring you some breakfast”

“I am not hungry”

I snapped back.
She placed the bowls of food on the table and said

“Well, hunger is not a stable guest. It doesn’t always announce it’s arrival.
The food will be here”

“Mummy, I don’t think you are hearing me. I do not want anything from you.”

I replied.
Her smile was gone now.
She lifted her head and looked my way as she said

“Who are you talking to in that tone?”

I walked over to her and looked her dead in the eye and said

“You.”

It was only a split second before she swung and almost slapped me across my left cheek.
I grabbed her hand mid-air.

She gasped and said

“So Meji, you want to fight me?
You want to hit your mother?”

I gently placed her hand back down by her side and replied

“I would never do that to you but I would like for you to leave and never talk to me”

She began to walk away, stopping right in front of the door. Turning around, she said

“I see you haven’t learned your lesson. Remember that I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it.”

I smiled and replied

“I would love to watch you try.
You already failed once”

…..

I signed the discharge papers as the doctor went on about me taking it easy with my broken ribs.
I hate hospitals and I just wanted to be out of there as quickly as possible.
I was hauling my clothes to the parking lot outside the private hospital that my family was known to use.

Making my way into the parking lot, I didn’t see the Uber I had called.
As I looked down at my phone to determine it’s whereabouts, I heard a familiar voice call out my name.
I slowly lifted my head, it was Monsurat.

I wasn’t sure how to feel towards her.
A part of me was angry but another wanted answers to the questions that troubled me.

“Can I talk to you please?”

she quietly asked

“My ride is almost here but sure”

I replied. she began to talk when I cut her off and said

“Just tell me why you ran. Why did you run when I stepped up to express my feelings for you to the world? Why then”

She dropped her head and sighed. Then she said

“I was confused and I didn’t know what to do. My feet clicked and I just kept running”

“That’s not good enough Monsurat. It’s obvious that I was the only one in this and you couldn’t have the decency to tell me that you didn’t love me”

I snarled back.
She fired back and said

“That is the farthest from the truth and you know it!
I have never loved anyone like I love you. I only know what love is from loving you.
So you know that is not true. I just….I just didn’t see it coming and everyone was there. It was just a lot to take in”

I walked up to her and I placed my hand on her chin, lifting it up.
She leaned into my chest and said

“I have something to tell you…”

“Go ahead”

I whispered back to her.
She stepped back and said

“…but I can’t. I’m afraid”

I believe that for most people, that is one of the most annoying things ever.
I tilted her head upwards again and said

“It’s just me. Talk to me”

“Meji…I will love to spend the rest of my life with you but…but there is something I need to tell you first. I don’t want any secrets between us.

….I got an abortion.”

I stepped back as those words sailed into the open space between us.
There was a mixture of shock, confusion, and disappointment across my face.

“What are you saying Monsurat?”

She was already close to tears as she stretched out her hands and said

“Mj, wait, let me explain”

I stepped back away from her reach and said

“Tell me what you are saying…”

A single tear rolled down her left cheek as she said

“Please don’t get mad. Promise me you won’t get upset?”

I rolled my eyes as I sighed and said

“I promise”

“I didn’t want to. I promise you I would never do that to you.
Once I knew I was pregnant….I knew I couldn’t keep it. I had to go and take care of it…”

She cried as she forced the words out.
I didn’t let her finish her next sentence as I turned and headed out of the hospital parking lot.
I heard her shout

“Meji, you gave me your word…”

Well the word stood for nothing as I hopped into the back of the Uber.
I asked to change the address.
I knew exactly where I needed to be.

…..

It had been three days since Monsurat came to the hospital to drop that bombshell on me.
I needed time to think, so I stayed with my friend Kamir on the Island.
Hiding and not answering my phone, I tried to make sense of everything that happened.

It made sense when I finally called Sola my cousin and asked who could have been responsible.
He initially didn’t say much because he wanted to stay out of it.
As we spoke and he realized what I was making, he let the cat out. It was a matter of setting the right dominos in motion.

I placed a call to the village and spoke to Baba Agba.

As the day broke, I was ready. A new direction for our family beckoned.
It was time to do the right thing.
Driving that morning, I became nervous as we got closer. With each kilometer, I could feel my heart racing faster.

We pulled up and I stepped out of the vehicle.
The gate was already open, so I walked up to the door and knocked.
As it opened up, it was Monsurat.
She immediately tried to slam the door shut. I placed my right leg in the doorway.
The door rammed into my foot and I let out a subdued moan.
She totally ignored my leg and said

“What do you want?”

I tried to speak and she said

“You know what? I don’t even give a fuck about what you have to say. I told you to promise me you wouldn’t react and the moment I told you, you went off to God knows where.
Only God knows what you have done. I told you and you went against everything I said!
So what the hell do you want from me?!”
I dropped my head and then said

“I am sorry.
I just felt very guilty. I had to take a step back.
I didn’t want to react harshly….I realize I could have handled it better. I am sorry”

I moved in closer and pulled her in.
My hands around her waist, she kept her head down as she tried to keep her scowl.
I lifted her head up and gave her a kiss on her lips.
I smiled and said

“I am sorry….and…I love you”

She sheepishly smiled and tried to wriggle out of my grasp. I hugged her tightly.
As I let her go, she moved back and said

“How did you know where to find me?”

I smiled and replied

“I think you underestimate how much people like me…”

She rolled her eyes and said

“Come in, let me fix you something to eat”

I pulled her left hand and said

“We can’t stay.
We have to be somewhere shortly”

“We?”

She inquired as she turned around.
I nodded and she knew.

“Are you sure Mj?”

she queried me.
I again nodded and then I said

“I am sure but I am not sure about that morning breath of yours tho. Whew!”

She shyly turned to scurry off but not until she said

“You know you are not okay right?”

Smiles on both our faces. She disappeared up the stairs.

…..

In the back of Sola’s car, she pressed me about where we were headed but I told her to drop the subject.
As we waited outside a gate in Ikoyi, she asked again,

“who lives here?”

The gateman came to open the gate and let us in, as we parked, she scanned the compound and it clicked.

“This is Aunty Bunmi’s house”

I smiled but said nothing.
As we exited the car, she seemed nervous. I motioned to her, as she neared me, I whispered,

“I got this.”

I turned to the gateman and said

“A Previa van will be coming in about 15 minutes, let them through”

He nodded and said

“Yes sir”

As we made our way into the house, it was clear what was happening.
A family meeting had been called.
Baba Agba who made the trek that morning was seated amongst other elders. My mother and aunt to my right and Juwon standing closest to the door in the far left.
Jola was already on her honeymoon.

I greeted everyone and thanked them for coming before I said

“I reached out to the elders to call this meeting because there are few things that I want to address and end once and for all.
I will do most of the talking but feel free to stop me if you have any questions…

…Aunty Bunmi, let me start by again apologizing for what I did during the wedding. My outburst was irresponsible and ill timed, I hope you can forgive me.
Mummy, thank you so much for showing me the true value of family. It means a lot that I have a telling picture that shows me what families should always look like

To the bigger family, this is an announcement, I will be getting married to Monsurat here. She joined our family years ago and she has never left my heart. So I will make our hearts a home and I would love to eventually share that with some of you.”

Baba Agba and a few others clapped in acknowledgment.
And I continued

“The real reason we are here is to put some things to bed. As you may all know, on the eve of Jola’s wedding, I was attacked and badly beaten.
We thank God for recovery but it put things in perspective for me.
The man I am and who I want to become…

…As a family and culture, we are accustomed to accepting secrecy as loyalty and it is not so.
In many cases, we see the evil within our homes and we turn a blind eye.
Cheating, infidelity, rape, incest… to just name a few that we are familiar.
In this family, I have been able to experience most of that up close.

As a child, Juwon and his siblings would make Monsurat and I have sex with each other for pleasure.
It didn’t make sense then but the scars have stayed on decades later.
So today as a family, I urge us to forgive each other and move forward to a brighter day…”

I stopped talking as 5 bulky men walked into the sitting room.
Immediately two stationed next to Juwon.
He seemed confused and so I continued

“These men as my friends, just her to support me as best as possible but back to what I was saying.
I want you as a family to know that I have forgiven you all.
And to make that clear, I called this meeting.

Monsurat is my fiancee and this animal Juwon raped and impregnated her. And did not have the decency to ensure she was well after she completed an abortion that he requested.
Now I know I just let you know that I forgive you all but even the most forgivable acts have consequences.

I know who called the hit on my life and I know how much you have tried to break me.
I once heard a saying that a man without a shadow has no soul.
But for a man to not cast a shadow, you must be illuminated from all angles. I have a shadow and a dark past and an even brighter future without a family like that who pulls one down.

So here is what is going to happen, in your own home Juwon, these 5 men will dish out double of what I went through last week.
And your blood will stain your home.
Your mother will shed tears, not for your pain but for the sins she has allowed over the years.
I cannot get rid of my mother because God chose her for me, but she can rest assured this is the last we will ever speak.

If you have any questions in the near future, please email me.
Or don’t.
Thank you all for being here. It’s been a pleasure”

Baba Agba rose to stop the men as they grabbed Juwon, one of the elders pulled him back to his seat.
As I began to walk out, I stopped right in the doorway, turned and said

“In case you were wondering, these men as special forces members of the Army.
Don’t bother calling the police, they hold jurisdiction here.

Oh and Juwon, fuck you”

As I sat in the back of the car driving out of the compound, Monsurat reached for my hand and cupped it.
She smiled and I smiled before putting my sunglasses on.
It was a bright day for a new journey. A new dawn for a lost soul.

I looked back to the left as a the driver turned the corner, straight into Monsurat’s eyes. The driver tried to press the brakes and caught air, he gasped and called the name of Jesus.

That was the last time I saw her.

……

I was inspired to write this series after a conversation with a friend who had a story like Meji’s. As we talked, I saw parallels in my life. My inability to let go of certain things I had experienced as a child. From bullying to watching and experiencing abuse, we are “asked” to turn the other way and let certain things go for the sake of the family.
Well, family is meant to uplift and not diminish. And as you see in this series, this family was heavily flawed and they caused a lot more damage than good to the entire body.

In Meji also standing up for Monsurat, you saw love but selfishness. Whenever hurt is shared with you, the reaction the person seeks is not always that you run and jump to their rescue. Sometimes we just need someone to hear us out and hold our truth with us.

I enjoyed writing this series and taking it in all the different directions I could. Thank you to everyone that commented and supported.
If you are reading this on Twitter and you actually haven’t read the series yet, check it out at http://www.adewus4real.com
I promise you won’t regret it.

Till the next one, Stay Up and catch my #WordsOfWednesday this Wednesday.
Thankful for this talent and blessed to share it with you. Please READ and SHARE with anyone that loves good content. Bless!

The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul 4 by The Wordsmith @adewus4real

Thanks for the love and support.
Stay up

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#SanmiSaturdays
© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · Art · Bloggers · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Stories · TheRants

Good Kid, Bad Intentions

 

I Swear I Thought It Was You

I cried tonight
Because of you
Well mostly me
But you
Tonight I let go
I finally did it
For so long I held on
I tried
To make it work
To stop the slide down the slopes
She was an imitation of you
A project
Something to save
To make me come alive
But it was doomed anyways
I remained stubborn and arrogant
Anything could work if I put my mind to it
Or so I thought
But I soon realized
That anything could burn
Even without taking a match to it

The Wordsmith
11/29/16
@adewus4real

Also check out my current series The Man, The Shadow; Diary of a Lost Soul. Part 3

Good Kid, Bad Intentions

Ever sent a message and you got the reply but the person on the other side completely misunderstood whatever you sent to them?
You’re grabbing your head, sighing, wondering why you have to then type a follow-up text to explain yourself.
Have you ever wondered why you buy a brand new car and one of the headlights or brake lights goes out before the other over time?

Like you can’t use one brake light without the other. So why does one seem to blow out before the other?
Now I am sure there is a mechanical or electrical reason for that but let’s just explore that surface idea for a second.

I truly believe you don’t need to figure out why that happens with cars but just understanding that it happens in all facets of life.
The bible asks in Amos 3:3 “Can two walk together without agreeing?”
The answer is yes but of course, their directionality will be off.

That brings me to the concept of “good people, good intentions”.
You see because we are emotional beings, often fallible, fickle and mostly selfish; there is a tendency for us to offend.
Even “good” people do it.
I have joked but with a hint of seriousness that there are only a handful of truly “good” people in the world.
Alter a scenario or situation, and you can bring out extreme “bad” out of someone.

I was sitting in my sexual harassment training at my job once when I first heard the phrase “It is not your intent, it’s your impact”.
It stuck.
It let me see that no matter how much good you have in you, you can still offend.
Let me give you an example.

YOU: You walk into your aunt’s house and you see your cousin Sarah. Sarah is wearing a form fitting yellow skirt that hugs her curves in the right places. You like Sarah’s skirt and how it hugs her waistline and thighs.
You wish you had thighs like Sarah. So you say out loud “girl these your hips can kill person. Loving that skirt. Just give dem softly sha”
Sarah smiles, and you walk away without really registering the interaction.
SARAH: Hearing your statement/compliment reminds Sarah to look at the skirt.
She was already self-conscious about wearing it. But wanted to try the whole “love your body idea”. Your comment undid that.
Now Sarah is hating the attention that your compliment brought to her hips. She hasn’t even put on weight like that but she just has a lot down there that she is working with. And your intent to compliment that, just put it all on display. Bringing a discomfort that she is all too familiar with.

Now if Sarah called you aside and said your comment made her feel “some type of way about herself”, you’ll be surprised but you’ll most likely understand.
The point is, good people have off days.
Mostly unintentional or when they become “human” but they do.
And that is okay.

The issue arises when you spending more time making people feel like Sarah, instead of lifting them up.
After every interaction, I evaluate and ask myself, have I added value to someone’s life or taken away from it.
I once dated someone where I thought complete honesty was the way forward. Until she told me that my bluntness was sometimes abrasive and carried a condescending air with it.
I had to change my approach even though my intent was never to offend, my impact left someone feels unhappy.
Lately, I have been exploring the concept of “do people really change?”
Will I become less detached? Less of an asshole (unproven statement btw!)
Will I lose other friends in the future because I am a horrible person?
Do people who have done “bad” things to you, have it within them to be “good”?

Something happened recently where I had to sit and explore my intention and impact. And I was left thinking, maybe some people just don’t know how to be good or happy for others.
Part of recognizing your impact is emotional maturity and humility.
It takes those things to hear someone out and realize how you made them feel even if it wasn’t your intention.

I don’t think we are immune to offending. Like the analogy with the car, in the beginning, two people might hear the same compliment and not receive it as such.
It takes a level of responsibility to go into every situation and be intentional and aware of your impact.
Even those with the best of intentions offend and because some want to be good to you, they never express those feelings.

 

It’s #WordsOfWednesday by The Wordsmith @adewus4real
Stay up!

Part 4 of The Man, The Shadow will be out on 4.29.17
Please watch this space!

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#WordsOfWednesday
© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · African · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · TheRants

The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul 3

Catch up on Parts 1 & 2

The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul

The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul 2

“Meji, what in the world was that??”

My mom yelled at me as the whole compound was in chaos. Everyone was trying to figure out what was happening after the bomb I had just dropped.

“Why are you yelling at me?
What did I possibly do wrong here?”

I asked in response.

“Are you serious?
You could have picked any other time in the world to say this and you chose now?
That is so selfish!”
I couldn’t believe the words that I was hearing.
I was enraged and I fired back

“You are telling me that because I called out my cousins for something that they have been doing that is clearly wrong, I am selfish?
Or because I did at the wedding?
Because I don’t know how you hear something like that and I am what you are focusing on. Not the lies and secrets we continue to keep as a family.”

My mom took a deep breath and then said

“do you think they didn’t know?
Do you think the whole family is stupid? that nobody saw it all along?
We did but to keep the peace, you learn to mind your own business…to shut up.
Families protect each other to the core. You stand for your family and to the outside world, you give your best impression of your family”

I scoffed and said

“Well, I am sorry mother but our family unit is fucked up. We are liars and abusers and we need to be held accountable, not sweeping it under the rug”

As my last words trailed off, I walked out of the room and slammed the door.
There were people outside, in the hallway, listening to everything that was just said.
I can’t remember exactly where I went but I kept on walking till I was out of the compound.

…..

“Bring one more bottle”

I had downed 5 full bottles of Star, an alcoholic beverage popular in the Nigeria.
The lady serving me was beginning to look concerned that I would not slow down.

“Uncle, śe sure?”
(Uncle, are you sure)

I waved her on and soon she emerged with my drink. As she opened it, it foamed out and I stared at the bottle as the foam trickled down the sides.
I suddenly felt a huge sense of regret and sadness.

I was all alone.
And that moment, I was clothed in style and value but lacking the true substance that made me important.
There was so much that I was angry for that I had channeled the anger at the wrong parties.
Jola deserved her wedding weekend to be spectacular regardless of what had happened years before.

I motioned to the lady and asked for a glass of water.
I downed that very quickly.
And I quickly rose to head back towards the house. As I approached the compound, I noticed cars leaving and people walking out.
It was soon very clear that the traditional proceedings for the wedding had been canceled.

Walking into the house, I began to look for Monsurat. People that were not super close to my family, avoided eye contact and barely said anything as I walked through.
it was as if I was bringing the darkness.

I finally arrived at the living room. It was filled with senior members of our family.
One of my grandmother’s brothers, motioned to me and said

“Meji, joko sibi”
(Come sit down or sit down here)

I dragged my feet and I sat.
My mother would not make eye contact with me. I could tell she was disappointed. My aunt, Bunmi, had stopped crying.

My granduncle, also known as Baba Agba opened with a Yoruba proverb

“Eyin kule lota wa, inu ile laseni ugbe”
(The enemy is in the backyard but the executor of his plan lives in the house)
“It is very clear that the devil is trying to steal the joy of this family on what should be a glorious occasion. And sadly, we almost allowed him to succeed.
I have heard some of the details of the accusations and they are grave, very grave. In some parts of this country, people are killed for such things.
But today, Mjwe will speak to truth and speak to unity as a family.
Jolade, tell us what happened”
Since I had walked into the room, Jola had stayed silent.
I am not sure what emotions she was juggling but she finally opened her mouth and said

“I am deeply saddened by what has happened here.
Not just today but within our family. We let this happen. Not the devil.
….My family has always walked around like it was better than all of the others in this family and that is clearly not the truth. We are much more broken than we are ever willing to admit.”

She paused and lifted her teary eyes up. Her makeup was ruined and she sniffled then continued

“Mj, did not lie. He spoke on the truth he knows about.
One thing is for sure MJas a lot to be angry about. Juwon and I did some despicable things as children. Some out of naivety but others frankly out of evil and jealously for Mj.
But one thing Juwon and I never did was have sex with each other.
That never happened but we forced Mj and someone else to have sex with each other, while we watched and laughed”

Gasps across the room.
Jola cried harder.

“there is not much I want to say further but humbly as for your forgiveness Mj.
It is all I can ask for and I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me and my brother”

I didn’t realize it but I was already in tears.
I wanted to walk over to Jola and give her a hug but I chose not to. There were more tears around the room and then I responded and said

“Hola, I am sorry also for how I acted this weekend in taking the focus away from a beautiful union.
You deserve love and peace and I am hoping that we can get you married to start the next chapter of your life”

She rose and walked over to me.
As we hugged, my eyes closed and I heard applause around the room.

As she walked back to her seat, I cleared my throat and said

“I am somewhat glad this came out. It has been a burden on my chest and weighed me down for years.
But there is something else I would love to share with you all, now that I have all our family here…. I am in love with Monsurat”

The gasps this time were louder.
Monsurat, standing closest to the door, was shocked and rightfully so. I had not informed her that I was going to do that and frankly I didn’t know I was going to do that either.
I looked at her with her mouth ajar and in one move, she turned and bolted out of the room.
I mean, she ran so fast. I couldn’t believe it.
I was shocked and so was everyone else in the room. And in true asshole fashion, I heard someone snicker.
I turned to my right and it was Juwon.
I don’t know what happened but something snapped in me, I noticed a bottle of Mirinda on the table, I grabbed it and smashed it on Juwon’s head.
He was knocked unconscious and everyone in the room stood up and ran away from me.
The bottle broke and the butt of it was still in my hand, everyone cleared out of the way as I stormed out of the living room and into the back house.

As I sat in one of the rooms, I cried.
Hours passed by and people tried to come and console me.
I couldn’t believe it.
Why did she run?
How could she run then?! After all we had been through?

I must have cried for 5hours straight because when I finally opened my eyes, it was nighttime.
I had been awoken by a sound of keys, someone trying to enter the room I had locked myself in.
The door flung open and with the rays of fluorescent light coming through the blinds, I noticed for big men walk into the room.
The grabbed me and proceeded to punch and kick me.
They beat me till I was bleeding and almost unconscious. And then they left but not before locking the door back.

I sat there coughing up blood.
But knowing fully well that it was my blood that had called the hit on my life.
Who?
We’ll you’d have to come for Part 4 to find out. 😊 LEAVE ME A COMMENT & ANSWER THE POLL!!!!

It’s Part 3 of The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul by The Wordsmith @adewus4real
PART 4 drops next Saturday!
Stay up

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Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#WordsOfWednesday
© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · African · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Fiction · Life · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Stories · TheRants

Zuliha 4

Zuliha 4

Hello!

Some of you are probably wondering where this random story came from. Well it is not random, but a series I started out in 2016 and never ended.
So here is the concluding part!
I truly hope you enjoy it and leave me a comment. Catch up on part 1-3 here.

Zuliha 1

Zuliha 2

Zuliha 3

Check out Part 3 of my current series The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul 3 

….

The struggle to be honest with myself was beginning to overwhelm me.
Yes, there were secrets that were out but if the words never reached the right person, then the lies remain.

With everything that had happened with my sister, my dad, and even Cole, I needed to find a new balance.
A new equilibrium.
I wanted to pack my bags and leave.
Cole was being so good to me, I felt completely undeserving of his love and patience.

Maybe this was my cross to bear. I was beginning to feel guilt that Cole, a man who just wanted to love me, was dragged into this.
So that Saturday afternoon, I packed my bags and I was headed out.
My plan was to Uber to the car rental pickup, get a car and head to the facility my mom was being held at.
I was dragging the bigger suitcase with my right hand, my backpack on my back and my laptop case in my left hand.
Standing in front of the elevator on the 5th floor, I waited for the car to reach me. As it dinged, the door flung open and my damn luck, Cole was standing there.
Covered in sweat and returning from the gym, he looked confused.

“Where you going Zuliha?”

He asked.
I couldn’t run back and to get into the elevator, I had to get past him.

“Cole, please just let me go”

“What do you mean?”

He asked as he stepped out and stood right between the carriage doors.

I ran around him and into the elevator.
He followed me in as I tried to force my bags in. I didn’t realize it but I slumped to the floor and began to cry.
Cole put his gym bag down and sat down next to me.
He didn’t say anything but he put his hands around me and held me close. I just sat there and sobbed.

A few minutes had gone by and someone had called the elevator, the doors opened. It was an older lady.
She saw me crying with Cole holding me, and she quietly backed away and left.
He finally spoke and said

“Zuliha, I am totally fine sitting right here with you but I want to make sure you are okay.
Is there anything I can do?”

The pureness of this love towards me actually made me uncomfortable.
I tried to wriggle out of his hold and he clutched me tighter.
He kissed my head and said

“I am not letting you go”

I kept my head down and continued crying as I said

“Cole, before I leave here there is something you should know”

“What is it?”

he asked
I sobbed some more and said

“I am just afraid to tell you now because you will leave me but you are the best thing that has ever happened to me”

I could almost hear him smiling. He kissed my head again and said

“Nothing is going to make me leave you. I love you.
And if you are worried about what happened between you and your sister’s husband, I am not here to judge you for that.”

I jumped out of his hold and said

“What?!
how did you know that? How could you possible know that???”

He looked up at me in this cramped elevator and said

“Your father told me a while back. I guess in an attempt to keep me away from you”

I couldn’t believe it but most importantly, I couldn’t believe how calm he was being.
He got up and gave me a hug.
The last thing he said on the issue was

“I got you”

And it was true.

……

As we drove towards the facility, I tried to stay awake but it was around 4 am.
We had a few hours to cover and I hadn’t gotten enough sleep before we left.
I had been so anxious.
I imagined what she would smell like. I hoped she would smell nice.
Like flowers on a hillside as the blossomed.
I imagined what her voice would sound like.
Would I sound like her?
Or would she have a rasp in her voice that I found so sexy?

I wanted answers and I think the thoughts racing through my mind, weakened my body.
I eventually knocked out.
As I startled out of sleep, Cole was still driving. I looked out the window to my right as I cleaned the drool off the corner of my mouth with my left hand, I couldn’t tell where we were.

“Babe, how long was I out for?”

I asked as I tried to plot our geographical Location but assessing the distance we had covered.

“Over an hour babe”

It was closer to two hours and I know he was just being modest.

“How you feeling babe?”

He asked before I could even compose my next sentence.
The day was brightening up and the sun was rising on the horizon.
I felt my heart palpitate and I caught myself as I responded to Cole

“I think I’m fine but I’m not sure. Maybe a bit nervous but mostly just excited”

He reached out his hand and I placed it in his.
I thought I was going to stay awake again but I fell asleep again.
I woke up as we pulled up to the facility.
As I opened my eyes, I caught Cole smiling again. It looked like we had been parked for a few minutes.
I smiled again as he leaned forward and kissed my forehead,

“You ready?”

He said into my hair
I didn’t respond but gently nodded my head.

We stepped out and headed into the facility. The security seemed tighter than the last place.
I still wished I had answers to why she was here but I was just going to settle with knowing who she was.
As they checked us in, Cole asked if they had her there and they said

“She’s here”

That was more than enough but just the tip of the iceberg. I now wanted more.
We couldn’t go through security fast enough.
They finally led us into a waiting room.
Cole sat down but I couldn’t sit still. I stood up and paced the room.

“Babe, we already here. Sit down.
She’ll be out in a second”

He tried to calm me down. I was so nervous.

“I just don’t know babe. What is she doesn’t know me?
What if she has forgotten me?”

He leaned back in his seat and said

“I don’t know a lot about motherhood but one thing I know is that a mother always remembers her own”

I smiled.
He was so smart and those words temporarily soothed me.

But then 12 minutes had passed and she had not shown up.
I was pacing the room faster now.

“She’s not coming Cole.
I’m so stupid. How would I think she would come to see me?”

I was so overwhelmed and I bent down and began to cry when I heard a gentle voice behind me.
It said

“Zuliha”

And in that moment, I felt my throat dry up and I swallowed hard.
I finally got the words out and said

“Mom?”

She began walking towards me and outstretched her hands.
she said

“My baby”

I swear I had never heard something so random, soothe me like those words.
She pulled me in and I melted in her arms.

….

There were a few minutes where we just sat there with Cole just watching.
Nothing was being said.
She was mom and her eyes scanned me like a TSA machine, making sure she didn’t miss any details.

“You’re so grown”

She said.

“A woman”

I smiled shyly as she continued to look at me.
I was glad to see her and feel her but I had so many questions. My eyes were scanning her so quickly and I wasn’t surprised when she said

“I bet you have many questions..”

I looked down at my fingers that I had been fiddling with. A tick I had whenever I became uncomfortable.

“I just want to know what happened”

my voice shook like a child asking a parent to go and play outside without their chores being complete.
She smiled and said

“There is a lot that happened that I don’t want to rehash but I will tell you this, there is nothing that happens that doesn’t happen for a reason”

I think she knew that I wouldn’t be content with that answer.
As she finished her sentence, I was about to speak when she continued and said

“I know you want to know how things happened with your father. But Zuliha, I will invite you to focus on the future. Don’t you think it is Interesting how one of the keys to a fulfilling future is to balance our past with the present?
I will never ask you to let go of all that happened but I want you to know that holding on to the past will never get you anywhere”

I was now upset and snarled back

“What do you mean?
He put you here! He put a baby inside Irene! He repeatedly threatened my life.
How are you asking me to let that go?”

She never moved in her seat or changed her posture. Even though Cole was visibly nervous in the corner.

“Zuliha, I am who I am because of you and your father. People don’t always see it but your identity can hinge on certain people coming or leaving your life.
I made a mistake being with him. I picked the wrong man.
And he was so overwhelming that I drowned, I wish I had no children for him but you are a blessing.
…Ending up here is irrelevant. I had demons that I had to deal with aside from being a mother. Things I never sorted out as a young woman.
Do not spend time searching for a part of yourself that you lose who you already are.
The love you think you will find in people will never be enough…like your sister’s husband. You have to fill yourself with your own self-love and navigate the world as such.”
By the time she stopped talking, I was crying
She rose and came to sit next to me. she said

“Don’t cry. Life is meant to be a rollercoaster. You don’t know how you get on it but you know eventually it will slow down and it will stop.
Make the best of the ride”

Struggling to speak underneath the tears, I replied and said

“I want that but I am just so sad that I missed most of my life with you. So much time has gone by.
I feel like my life would have been different if I had you in it all this time”

She chuckled and replied

“Or it could have been worse. There are men and women in the world today that are silently watching the lives of their loved ones fall apart with no ability to save them.
We have now. You know where I am and I am getting the help I always needed. Let us make good use of our time going forward.
I at least want to be alive to watch you marry this fine young man sitting here…”

We all smiled as Cole looked the most assured and uncomfortable in the same breath.
We chatted for a few more minutes as we caught up on each other’s lives.
Then as we were about to leave, she pulled me back and said

“I know he is not your favorite person but he is going to need you.
Lung cancer. It’s really bad.”

I sighed and nodded.
There was a smile in my heart. Even though I know it wasn’t a good thing to think.

…..

It had now been 3 years since my father passed. It was mere months after my mother had told me had cancer.
We talked once before he died. I tried to get him to take responsibility for what he did but he was stubborn and unapologetic.
I did not attend his funeral and I am frankly glad that chapter closed forever.

Every second Sunday of the month, Cole and I would drive up with David, our son to see my mother.
She was getting worse but giving so much love. She was still unhappy that Cole and I had David out of wedlock.
But this particular Sunday, we had news.

As we sat watching a movie together, I leaned over to her and flashed a ring!
She jumped out of her seat and squealed, startling a laser focus Cole and a napping David.
She hugged me and said

“I am so happy!”

We danced briefly and she beamed the rest of the evening.
She would not attend my wedding to Cole a year later.
She passed in her sleep that night.
And she was right about time, the short amount we had was priceless.
She met David and I, while she gave her blessing to marry Cole.
I shed a tear because I selfishly wanted to keep her longer but I was grateful that I found and loved my mother.

 

The End. 

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Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

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© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Stories · TheRants

The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul 2

the-man-the-shadow-part-2

The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul Part 2

The morning sun was beaming through the window pane as I jumped out of bed. I noticed that my shorts were on as I grabbed my T-shirt from the chair it was rested on.

I turned to my left and made eye contact as I whispered to her

“When did you come here?”

She whispered back

“You came in here last night. Buzzed”

Oh no!
I had fallen victim again to my own body. Fuck!

I slid my slippers on and whispered as I gestured

“did we fuck last night?”

She nodded.
And we both smiled simultaneously.

“You’re bad”

I whispered again with a wry smile.
She beamed as she said

“Only for you papa”

As I took a few steps towards the door, I heard a knock

“Meji”

The person from the other side called. It was my aunt.
I waved Monsurat to sit on the bed but away from sight. As I opened the door, I stepped out and into the hallway.

“Meji, have you seen Monsurat? We can’t find her anywhere”

I placed my right hand on my head and scratched it. I finally said

“Ooh! I sent her to the market. I need some black soap”

“Black soap?

My aunt looked confused. She then said

“Why didn’t you ask me, I have some”

I shrugged and said

“Oh sorry aunty, I didn’t know.
She should be back soon”
As I turned around to head back into the room, I caught the look of Jolade from the corner of my eye. It was filled with judgment.
She knew. But she was never going to say a word.

I reentered the room and said

“She is gone but how did you end up in here.”

She smiled and slowly walked to me. She planted a kiss on my cheek and whispered

“You should be thanking me for not being loud last night”

I slid my hand down her back and squeezed her bum while I said

“You were loud the last time though”

She smiled and said

“Only because you were trying to prove a point…. I’m going to wait a few minutes before I head out. This one that your aunt is looking for me”
I left the room and heard the door lock behind me. I remember chuckling to myself as I walked out into the yard.
I was quickly met with my uncles and aunts seated in a circle gisting and catching up. Preparations for the traditional part of the wedding were under for later that afternoon.
The cow was been slaughtered. Goat meat being cooked under firewood stoked pots beneath the mango tree.

It was truly amazing to see the family all coming together. When you looked at the entire family from a birds eye view, we truly looked like we had it all together.
Working professionals, creatives, entrepreneurs and folks on the verge of fulfilling their potential; my family was beautiful but broken and I just prayed we would get through the entire weekend without any issues.

Someone called my name and I turned around. It was Chukwuka, my best friend from high school, in town for the wedding.
I shook his hand and said

“Long time no see”

He smiled back and said

“No be you dey run from me?”

…..

If you have ever been in a part of a traditional Nigerian wedding, you can tell that time is a concept that is is lost to Yoruba people. Well Nigerians as a whole if I am being honest.
It was one thing after the other, there was one point when they had all the single men in their entire family, come and beg for Jola’s hand in marriage.

A beautiful experience without a doubt but just looooong.
As I sat next to Sola, I began to scan the room.
My mind started to wander.
I was reevaluating what had happened to us. Don’t get me wrong, every family has their own drama but I always felt like that at every turn, we were only a few wrong words from an explosion.

My life mirrored that of my family; put together on the outside but very broken on the inside.
Uncles and aunts that didn’t talk, cousins that would never see eye to eye and just an all round tension that floated around the family.
I noticed Monsurat walk by, I loved her but she was in love with me.
She had been for years. The circumstances that made it so were cleared at play during the ceremony.

I wanted her to leave and come to Lagos but the loyalty she showed towards my grandmother was commendable.
It actually made her more attractive.
There were times when I would come into town and stay at a hotel, she would come over and spend time with me.

I get what you are thinking. That I am the entitled child from wealth that is taking advantage of the help.
In actual fact, it’s been the other way around. Well not exactly.
Monsurat is beautiful, one of those that you will adore the first time and her looks just captivate you.
She has such a warm smile with that darker chocolate skin tone that suggests that she might be from the northern parts of Nigeria.
All in all, she is beautiful and smart and for the last two years, I have trying to make the relationship official.
I wanted to shout it out to the whole world but she asked me not.
She invited me to see the world in her shoes and how she will be viewed as “the help that got the child to fall in love” or as a gold digger.
I totally understand how she felt and knowing how judgmental my family can be, I am glad we never said anything.

I was tired of living in the shadows.
My depression and anxiety were two of the things I battled with but I was never able to share with my family.
I also temporarily battled with sexually acting out.
From one dangerous act to the other, I kept pushing the envelope because I wanted to feel something, even if it was pain.

But some of the people that contributed heavily towards my present state, were people that I had been promised that they would love me. Because we were family.

I was getting bored and actually annoyed that they were wasting time, so I got up and headed into the house to top off my Jack and Coke.
As I headed back outside, I realized that the ladies were in the living room helping Jolade fix her gele which is a traditional head-tie.

I peeked into the room and said

“Heyyyy, I just wanted to come and say congratulations before all the second round stuff starts”

Jolade smiled at me said

“Meji, thank you so much”

she reached up and planted a kiss on my cheek.
I smiled at the other ladies in the room and turned around to leave. As I exited the room, I noticed Sola walking towards the room.

“What were you doing in there?”

He rudely asked.
I smirked and said

“None of your damn business”

As I tried to walk past him, he pushed me in my chest and said

“Who the hell are you talking to?”

I stepped back and looked him square in the face.

“Juwon, if you know you want to fucking get killed today, touch me one more time”

He stepped up to me and tried to push me, at this point, the ladies helping Jolade with her makeup and outfit, ran into the hallway and got in between us.

“Juwon, what the fuck is your problem ,huh?
Why do you fucking have a problem with me? Is everything okay with you?”

I yelled.
He reached around some of the women and poked me again and said

“You are my fucking problem, you damn snake”

I was livid and boiling inside as I yelled back

“You called me a snake?
From you???!!! Are you fucking kidding me??”

He gestured at me as he continued to be held back.
I blurted out and said

“You definitely don’t want to go there with me here because if I start talking here…”

“You don’t have shit to say like always! Always making shit up, stop fucking lie”

He yelled back to me.
I kid you not, my chest must have jumped out of my heart. Yes, you read that correctly.
I wanted to jump over all those people holding me back and rip his throat out.
As I tried to push them off saying

“E fi mi le”
“Leave me alone”

His mother, my aunt, my mother and some other family members had now filled up the room.

“Aunty, tell your son to stop trying to start problems wherever he goes. We are tired of it”

My mom frowned and said

“What do you mean? What did he do?”

“Ask him!”

He shouted back.
His mother jumped in and said to him

“You will speak to your aunt with respect. Now what is wrong with both of you?!
This is Jola’s special day and you are both doing your best to ruin it. What is going on?”

I relaxed a bit and said

“There won’t be any problems if Juwon just stays in his lane and leaves me alone”

He got riled up again and said

“And if I don’t leave you alone? What will you do? Cry like a little pussy that you are. You are weak and thats why you are fucking alone. Your life is sorry and no one is able to tell you!”

I won’t lie, upon reflection, those words cut deep because there was some truth to it, I didn’t realize what was like a defense mechanism when I blurted out

“At least it is better than brother and sister fucking each other!”

Everyone gasped and the entire room went silent. All eyes turned to a fully clad Jola and then to Juwon and then back to me.
A few awkward moments and suddenly Jola ran out of the room and into the living room. There was another door that led to the front of the house and I think she left through there.

Some tried to follow her and Juwon again tried to launch at me before people grabbed him. My aunt, teary eyed, walked towards me and said

“You just wanted to tear my family apart?”

I replied without a flinch and without any remorse,

“They broke me first”

Thank you for READING. PLEASE COMMENT and answer the poll below. 3 lucky readers will get a first look on Part 3.

 

It’s Part 2 of The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul by The Wordsmith @adewus4real
PART 3 drops next Saturday!
Stay up

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Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

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© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan