Look What You’ve Done

I just sang a Yoruba hymn in front of 100’s of people live and thousands online at one of the biggest companies in the world today.

Sanmi – Tuesday, October 26th, 2023

It’s 8:33 pm
I am parked in my Tesla on the side of the road across from my apartment.
I finally give in.
Tears.
I am talking full snot, wheezing, throat clamping eye bawling session.
I broke.
In gratitude.
This was easily one of the best days of my life and my soul is drenched in thanksgiving.
Let me tell you how we got here.

I should start this story from way back in June but I’ll come back to that. Let’s go back to just yesterday.
I was meant to pick up my car rental at 10am and drive to my office HQ which was about an hour away.
How can it be Monday morning with 11 customers in line and only one person at the counter of the car rental pickup?
I was already so frustrated.
I needed to get to HQ for a couple of meetings and I also had soundcheck for the event I was participating in on Tuesday.
I finally picked up my car after almost an hour of waiting and headed to the office.

At the end of every year, typically in my hotel room in Lagos, I review my goals for the year.
I grade myself and give myself marks which I eventually share with you all, while prepping and outlining my goals for the coming year.
Coming into 2023, one of my business/professional goals was to speak in front of the company or on behalf of the company.

On Tuesday, that goal became a reality.
Back in April, there was an email about being part of an annual event at my company.
I kinda brushed it off but then I remembered a Black woman who led the same event last year, so I decided to apply.
I specifically wanted to make sure you all note that I chose to apply because I saw another black person like me doing something and thought I could too. This is for those of you out there worrying instead of doing it afraid – the next person you could be inspiring to greatness is waiting for you. Do it.

Anyway, back to my event.
I applied when the entries were 200 words or less. And so you can imagine my shock when my application to be the key speaker was chosen.
I was stunned.
I spent the following months working with a couple of coaches and an amazing team that prepped me for the big day.
I was going to tell a story about my life in front of my entire company. Huh????
I couldn’t believe it. As we fine-tuned the content of the event, we finally got to a place where they wanted to see if I could sing at the event.
I would sing a favorite hymn of my grandma’s in Yoruba.
Yes, I walked out on stage singing one of my favorite hymns in Yoruba at one of the biggest companies in the world.
Chills.

As I walked through soundcheck and got mic’d up. I just remember asking for the Holy Spirit to take over. I was so nervous and worried about failing that I just kept praying.
I am so thankful for God but also for my relationship with him. The praying and deep breathing brought me calm.
I would need that calm in abundance the next day as well.

On the day of the speech, my parents were running late due to traffic and I was very worried that they would miss the event and my speaking segment. My anxiety was out of this world.
I was constantly needing to remember to breathe.
They would eventually make it there.
Right before I went on stage, I went to the bathroom.
Got down on my knees and just blessed God, I thanked him and then asked him for the grace to deliver.

I felt he was going to deliver that day from the morning at the gym.
My playlist was hitting. Look What You’ve Done by Greatman Takit came on and I knew it was so apt because look at what God has done.
My tailor started calling me Irawo Agbaye in 2019, I met a woman who started calling me Sunshine in 2019, and my mother started calling me Eniiwaju in 2020. Today, I shone bright.
Everything I touched felt magical and ordained.
Standing up there and just telling my truth in my own way, was everything.
It felt good to see all the layers of me interact with each other.
My faith didn’t take a back seat at my workplace. My creativity put me front and center and my God no dey wear flip flops.
It felt magical.

So as I sat across from my apartment in my soon-to-be-returned Tesla, you can understand why my heart was filled with gratitude and I was bawling my eyes out.
The mighty one came through and I’m forever grateful.
Even before this week, I had been getting word of the Holy Spirit taking me into a season of shifting.
I randomly stumbled on a sermon about there being a shifting in this season.
I didn’t know exactly what it meant but I felt it.
It stuck with me.
And all through last week and even as I put the finishing touches to this post at 2:55 am – I feel it.

The last time I felt this type of move in my spirit was in 2018 and that year my life changed for good.
It’s amazing to see what God has done especially because I have been feeling very unworthy.
Not only by how I have been within myself but also by how I feel like my heart has been responding to life around me.
It’s been truly beautiful to see that God has not forsaken me or his promises for me.
I find myself in awe of what he has done for and through me this year.
I am excited for what is to come and for the testimonies to be complete but before it all becomes “perfect”, just take a moment to see what God has done and Look at What You’ve Done.

Update: I came back to add this part at 3:25 am. I truly believe this part may help somebody.
Oftentimes, we see the highlights of people’s lives and we try to base our lives on that. We see someone appear to be shining and we believe that our lives should mirror that, even without knowing what that person is going through in the background.
For example, the picture below on the left is me maybe 5 minutes after bawling my eyes out inside that Tesla outside and the one on the right is me opening my phone to change a song while I cried and I caught what I looked like.

One of the reasons I love writing this blog is that I give you all my real perspective on things but most importantly, I don’t hide things from you all. That day, I was a mess. Completely.
If not for God, I would have folded.
But you see, I only posted the picture to the left on my IG, I know how many people would have thought my life was perfect and I was so happy.
Yes, it was an overall happy day but it had ups and downs.
Like life always does.
I pray you share the full you in every space you can, and let people know that one of the reasons your light shines so bright, is because you are not afraid of the dark.

Keep the lights on, in everything you do.
Soon your light will be so bright, you won’t even be able to hide or contain it.
Till next time, keep your head up.

Oh, and I have a surprise for you soon. Stay tuned.

Song of the Week is very easily:
Look What You’ve Done Already – I miss you and I always think of you when I hear this song. You’re always in my heart.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOPwjTxgcKY

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You are highly appreciated.

WordsOfWednesday
#WhatTheHeckMan © 2023