#WhatTheHeckMan · African Stories · Fiction · Nigerian Writers · Stories · TheRantsShow

Bastards 4

PART 4

Everything was in slow motion.
It was as if we moved through the scenes in the movie Inception.
My mouth went dry.
My heart was racing.
My eyes began to water as my palms got sweaty.
I was angry, very angry.
Lost in my head trying to make sense of this but I couldn’t believe what I was staring at.
My father’s coffin in his home?
How?
I was still trying to process when I heard a sharp wail from my left hand side.

My mother dropped to her knees as she was crying uncontrollably.
“Ta ni mo se”
“Who did I offend?”

She continued to repeat as the twins tried to console her.
Inconsolable as you can imagine.
My older sister snapped into action and she said

“Dejo, how did this get here?”

Genuinely confused and fearfully of being blamed, Dejo began to shake as he responded.

“Madam, I swear to you, I no know”

“You don’t know?”

She followed.
Dejo tried his best to explain.

“Madam, I dey that side dey wash the cars when I hear wetin be like truck for outside.
I just think sey na delivery people dem dey drop something. Na when I finish come open gate, na him I see am”

As he wrapped up a small gathering of neighbors was forming.
I could see everything playing out but it was like I was and just watching everything play out and I was still.

“Oya, help us bring it inside the gate and close the gate before the whole estate knows what is happening”

My sister instructed.
Dejo, the drivers of the lawyer and my brother were joined by a few other men from the neighborhood.
The coffin was lifted into the compound and the gate closed.
My sister said

“Do we know if the body in there?”

No one answered. No one was certain.
Then she said

“Open it up”

She said.
My mother who was still on the floor crying suddenly sprung up and said

“Don’t you dare!”

Huffing and puffing, she looked enraged and possessed.
She said

“That our family name has been dragged through the mud is not enough? You want to dishonor the memory of your father?
NO WAY! That coffin stays closed and you all go about figuring out who in the hell would do such a despicable thing”

She turned around and began walking inside when I snapped out of the trance and I headed for Ivie and Kunle.
They were standing apart as you can probably imagine that the things he heard inside had rocked his world a bit.

“You did this”

I said to Ivie with conviction.
I could tell she was scared.

“You fucking did this with your diabolical ass. You did this shit like you planned all this other shit”

She froze.
I yelled

“ANSWER ME”

Kunle stepped in and put his hand across my chest
I turned and looked directly at him

“Kunle if you do not remove your hand from my body, I swear to God who made this earth, I will fucking pound in your face till you bleed to death.
Get the fuck out of my way”

He stepped back but not too far, he seemed a bit concerned about what I could do to Ivie.

“Ivie, tell us how you are months away from a wedding with me but carrying my brother’s child.
Tell us how you planned with Adesuwa to get me killed and then killed her yourself?
Or just tell us why you dug up our father’s coffin and brought it into our home?
Start anywhere”

Kehinde sprung and said

“Ivie is that true?
Please tell us it’s not true”

Ivie in tears, said

“I had nothing to do with this”

Pointing to the coffin laying in front of us all.

“And the other things?”

I asked.
She said

“I can explain honestly”

Sobbing she began to explain.

“I am sorry for lying to you Tomiwa, I really am. You did not deserve this.
I was misled but my father…”

My mother jumped in

“Chief Akpo???”

Ivie nodded.

“I was instructed to get information on Tomiwa and the family by my father. I would often listen to business conversations with Tomiwa and funnel the information to my father.
He told me to marry Tomiwa and that Chief Fehintola and he had come to an agreement to merge our families.
But I was also told to not have sex with Tomiwa. Under any circumstances.
The plan was to marry Tomiwa and ultimately get as much money from the family.
Kunle and I met before I was introduced to Tomiwa. The day we met at your family Christmas party a few years back, I actually came with Kunle.
We even had sex upstairs in the twins room while everyone was downstairs because it was the only free room.
Kunle and I had been seeing each other. He knew nothing about the rest of the plan.
And initially, all I wanted was Kunle.
But once I knew I could choose to not sleep with Tomiwa and continue having Kunle, I was fine with that. I made peace with it.
I would have the man I wanted.”

Teary eyed and flushed with tears, she rubbed her belly and said

“Kunle, your son or daughter is inside of me and I love you. And I will love this child with all of my heart.
I completely understand if after all I have done, you no longer want to be involved in our lives but I love you and I will love this child”

Kunle looked down and away. Clearly the words got to him but he was conflicted and then he said

“Did you try to get my brother killed?”

Ivie sobbed harder and looked away.

“Yes. Yes, I did
My dad told me I had to. Something had come out that would affect our plans and frankly, it seemed like a better deal to go that route and we could have just married without issues”

I was shocked.

“You wanted me out of the way. So you decided the best way was to kill me?
When you could have just asked me to leave? When you knew it was Adesuwa that I wanted to marry and she was the woman I loved???
You are evil”

I was fuming.
Kunle asked

“How can I be sure the baby is mine, with all these lies?”

Those words broke her. I could tell.
She sobbed harder and said

“Kunle, I have never been with any man but you from day one.
Only you”

He shook his head and turned away and I spoke.

“You had everything. A family that loves you, the big wedding you wanted, the houses, cars, trips around the world. All of it.
Yet you wanted me dead, as if my family had not been through enough…”

There was a honk at the gate.
All our eyes immediately shifted, who was it?


The gate swung open and a black tinted Mercedes AMG drove in.
The driver rushed out and ran around the car to open to the owner’s corner.
Out came a man that I was familiar with.
A friend of the family and someone I had watched my father spend time with as we grew up.
He was someone you could consider a true pillar of our family.
Chief Akpo. Ivie’s father.

As he stepped out of the car, I had every intention of jumping him.
But I had to contain my rage.
He smiled big as he fixed his Agbada and he said

“I know you have many questions. Let us all go inside and we can clear things up”

We all sat down in the living room. Chief glee as ever while the glum faces of all of us waited to find out what was going on.
Chief spoke first.

“I had hoped we would not get to this point but in life, some things just need to be done.
That is the truth”

He smiled as he continued speaking

“Before all of you came about, way back in the day, Chief approached me with a proposition.
He wanted me to father all of you.
I agreed out of love for the man and I wanted to make sure that he had the joy of being a father too.
But then, midway through the testing process, the Chief told me that he went with someone else.
He never said who for years.
And I could not prove who it was. I knew that if the DNA was run, it would show Chief was not the father but as far as showing who actually was, I was sure that we wouldn’t really get that luxury.
Chief asked me to join the board as one of his closest friends and when we knew international investors were coming.
I agreed but this time, because I did not trust his word, I demanded security.
I got him to commit in writing that my daughter if I had one, would marry his son.
And as you can see, God gave us what we wanted.
The deal was done.
Then you…”

He pointed at me and frowned a bit

“…You started making noise about not wanting my beautiful daughter.
Something about wanting to marry who you loved. Well who you loved gave you up pretty easily to protect her parents.
I bought out Adesuwa’s parents and simply threatened to run them into the ground. It was difficult but eventually we were able to convince her to take you out of the picture.”

I was stunned. The whole room was dead silent.

“This was simple.
If the Chief held his end of the bargain, I got a couple of legitimate grandchildren in one of the wealthiest families and life would go on smoothly.
When you started your drama, I approached Chief and reminded him that I knew his secret and it could be damaging if word got out.
At first he appeared to listen and then he did not.
I had to take matters into my own hands. I had my team working tirelessly to get the information I needed to make a move on him at the board level and take over the company.
But before I could put my plan in action, he passed away.
Around that same time, he told me that he was going to tell you all the truth after his trip.
I guess he never made it to that.
I knew that Chief was the type to not be blackmailed, so I sensed that he may have included the true identity of your fathers in the will.
Well, everyone except you.”

He pointed at me again.
Everyone sat up.
My mother who had now stopped crying looked on inquisitively as he spoke.

“What do you mean?”

She asked.

He leaned forward in his chair and said

“Everyone knows that Kunle is not yours. No surprise.
But Tomiwa is the one legitimate child of you and Chief.”

The entire room gasped.
The lawyer looked away.

Chief smiled and said

“Lawyer Williams knew.
Chief knew.
On our trip he told us about how his health was deteriorating and he might need a marrow transplant or something of the sort.
Tomiwa, remember the set of tests you went to do with your father?
I was able to acquire those from the hospital. It was in those results I found out that you were his only legitimate child. The results of the others showed what we already knew.
Again, I planned to release the information for the takeover but your father elected to die before the news could get out.

He stood up. Flashed a fake smile at most of the room as he smoothed out his clothes.
He said

“Look, I have no ill towards Chief nor will I speak ill of the dead but he chose to try and outsmart me instead of keeping his end of the agreement we had many years ago.
For that, he will not rest.
Digging up his coffin is only the start…”

Enraged I snapped up and yelled

“Say another word about my father and I will finish you here”

Lawyer Williams quickly jumped up and put his hand across my chest to stop me.
Chief Akpo chuckled mischievously and said

“Now wouldn’t that be so beautiful? To see our new CEO beating up a board member.
I dare you to do it, do it, so I can bury this family once and for all.
It’s admirable to see you have the fight chief had in him though, maybe that’s why his swimmers were able to conquer out of the many failures. He chuckled”

He smiled mischievously and waved his finger in the direction of his daughter and said

“Ivie, let’s go”

She sheepishly got up, sobbing profusely and followed him out of the room.
As the door shut.
My mother looked at Lawyer Williams and said

“You knew?”

He leaned back in the seat, almost tired and replied

“Yes but the Chief wanted to confirm. And you know I was bound by confidentiality laws”

She looked back at my siblings and said

“We are not letting any of those Bastards take what your father built.”

And she stormed out of the room.


My father was re-buried and about 6months had passed by.
The vote for reorganizing the board and the company was coming up fast.
Most of the family had settled into their routines.
Life in our new normal was going along.
My siblings returned to their various homes and lives while I prepared to officially take over for my dad. My days were strictly guarded by the security team. My mother and I were basically in an enforced lockdown.
Kunle had been mostly ostracized by the family but his impact was still being felt.
We simply were not the same family.

Two nights before the vote, I called Kunle and told him to meet with me the following night.
He asked me where and I called him to give him the address.
It was a property a friend of ours was developing.
I told him I wanted a fresh set of eyes on the property as I was considering buying it.

I was standing in the middle of the uncompleted building as night covered Ibeju-Lekki.
The building was huge and was clearly going to make a very nice home once completed.
I heard a car pull into the lot and footsteps get closer.

Kunle called out

“T, you in here?”

I replied

“Yeah, just come through the front opening here”

He walked up to me and I greeted him.

“How are you holding up bro?”

I asked him.

“I guess you can say I’ve had better days”

I shook my head and said

“I totally understand bro. Hopefully things settle soon.
So I wanted you to see this place because I was thinking of buying it and using it for corporate housing for visiting executives.
We fully operate the space with cleaning crews, a maid, a driver and the full home experience.
It saves us the millions we spend on hotels putting them up in expensive hotels when they come to town. What do you think?”

He nodded as we walked up the stairs to the second level

“Yeah this is really nice.
And we can truly curate the type of experience they have when they are here. I love the idea.
Maybe we get that interior design firm to design it for…”

He paused.
We both looked at each other.
There was a sound. It came from the first floor.
I looked at him and asked

“Did you come here with someone?”

He nodded and said

“Yeah, Ivie is in the car.
We are coming back from dinner”

He called out

“Ivy?”

She replied

“Yes”

We both headed back downstairs.
As we hit the landing area, I greeted her

“Hi Ivie, long time. How are you?”

“Fine, thank you”

She replied

“And the baby?”

“She’s doing well too”

“That’s really good”

I responded.

Bang.
Bang.
Bang.

White noise.
I could hear a loud ringing in my ears.
The shock hit me like I was drowning.
I felt my back hit the floor hard.
Staring up at the uncompleted ceiling and gasping for air, the pain coursed through my body.
I was sure I was going to die.
The pain was in my lower abdomen. I placed my hand on the source of the pain and I could feel my hand wet.
I was bleeding.
Gasping for air, I was praying that I didn’t die and I was trying to pray but the words weren’t coming.
Then a familiar voice came through.
I felt someone squat next to me and say

“Breathe baby. You are going to live”

I turned my head to my right side and through the darkness, I made out her face.
She smiled at me and said

“The police will be here soon and an ambulance.
You will be fine”

I closed my eyes and the next time I would open them, I was in the hospital.
It was also there I found out that Tunde and Ivie were dead.


It was a bright and sweltering day.
The skies were clear.
It felt like one of those good days for a perfect hike or lemonade on your backyard porch.
The day was mostly perfect. With a gentle breeze occasionally reminding you to enjoy life.
You could imagine yourself in any tropical location and it would make sense.
It was the type of day for your skin and self care routine without doing much.
The summer was announcing itself in style.
The bell rang and the space flooded.

Stepping out, I opened the door with my right hand.
They hopped in.
Sitting back down in the driver’s seat and starting the car, my friend asked

“Oya finish now. Who shot them?”

I smiled and said

“Let’s just say, mother’s know everything”

“I knew it! I knew it!”

He exclaimed.

“How did she know where you were???”

I smiled and replied

“She followed me”

“Wow”

He exclaimed again

“Do you know if she pulled the trigger herself?”

I shook my head and said

“Fam, I don’t know and in many ways, I am grateful I don’t know anything about that night. I am just grateful for my family and continuing to grow the family business from here”

I pulled out of the school parking lot as another car sped past me almost hitting my car.
I yelled out

“Bastards!”

My twin boys in the backseat both yelled out

“Daddy language!”

I looked at my friend and then at the kids in the back and said

“Sorry kids. Bad habits”

We all chuckled as I turned onto the highway and drove right into Los Angeles traffic.
The cars were backed up for miles. Traffic was notorious and ever present, not like the “forgotten” events in another overcrowded metropolis thousands of miles away.
My friend visiting from Belgium said

“What The Heck Man, is this always how bad traffic is in LA?”

I nodded and said

“Everyday.”

He looked over to me and said

“But I bet you are glad you are far away from all that drama huh?”

Feeling the twinge from the nerve damage in my abdomen from the gunshot would I suffered that night, I looked out the window and then into the rearview mirror at my kids on their iPads and I replied

“Every. Single. Day bro
Every. Single. Day”

The End.

End of the Bastards series.
Please like this story, leave a comment below, and share social media!

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated.

#SanmiSaturdays

© 2020 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WordsofWednesday · Life · Nigerian Writers

Start to Finish: Deciding to Win at life!

#WordsOfWednesday

Start to Finish

Written by @adewus4real

When was the last time you were truly in love?
And it blossomed into a beautiful garden?
When was the last time you started and finished something?
For most people, you are still reading but passively trying to remember the last thing you saw till the end.
The last time you stuck to a diet or finished a project.
What about that thing that you promised to learn how to do?

I’ve been thinking about the idea of completion and how it fosters confidence and growth.
Thinking about my life, I realized there weren’t many things that I have truly seen through.
Of course, I can count my two degrees and such but how many goals over the years have I been committed to all the way?
How many times have I decided to lose weight and quit once I started seeing some progress or life trials came knocking?
How many times did I decide to jump back in and once I dipped my toes in, I got flustered and ran?
Continuously, we fail to follow through.
It doesn’t make us bad people or people without integrity, sometimes life is just – hard.

But over the course of the month of June, I decided to take up ONE thing and crush it.
And that was my fitness.
I committed to going to the gym/working out at least 4-5 times a week.


From the picture above, you can see that I did it.
The confidence I got from that is what I am now transferring to my daily routines – skincare, teeth hygiene, prayer and daily devotion.
I used to get weary about being able to continue something for a long time or the rest of my life.
A part of me realized that it was because I was trying to build steady routines in 5 conflicting areas of my life at once.
I had to step back and carefully reassess.

I started the #75HardChallenge on Sept 1st and I am not just looking at it to be a physical transformation but a reminder that I truly can do this.
Completely reset my whole thinking and tap into a level of grit that I have never really tapped into.

Today I’m writing this to encourage myself and you as well. Select ONE thing, one muscle that you can strengthen over the next month or so. Once you complete that, you can translate it to something else and then another and another.
For me, I kept thinking about how relationships are and how I have some anxiety about being stable for long periods of time.
I had to remind myself to stay small.
Conquer a month, then two and then six before you know it, you know how to do it.

So pick up that book, go on that date, hit the gym again or just take time out to love yourself each day.
There is beauty in completion. There is strength in perseverance.
One of my favorite quotes says “there is no fatigue felt on the day of victory.” I agree completely.
So what are you committing to over the next month?

Please leave a comment below. (can you do that? lol)

Stay up!

Thank you for reading!

Please comment, retweet and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated. 

#WordsOfWednesday
© 2019 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · African Fiction · African Stories · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Stories · TheRants · TheRantsShow · Uncategorized · Wirting

The Fixer

The Fixer

“I am so tired.
I am tired. I don’t need any encouraging words or “it will get better”
I am tired.
For the last 10 days, I have been dealing with family stuff as someone has been unexpectedly and worryingly sick in my immediate family.
Putting on a strong face and trying to keep it all together but dying inside.
I am so stressed. I want to cry every day but I feel like I am too strong. I need to be strong to hold it all together.
Parking was a fucking shit show this morning because of stupid construction happening in the fucking high of the day!
Took me over an hour to park. I hate everyone and everything.
My parents lied!
They promised me, forced me to get stupid degrees and promised to pay my student loans.
I make enough but the costs never stop.

Like that was money I was still thinking I would use to buy the rest of the shit I need for Nigeria or even pay for lodging!
I just want to close my eyes and everything ends.
I am tired.

I don’t want to feel all this pain.
I don’t want to be strong.
Don’t fucking know why I am typing this to you but idk.
FUCK THIS SHIT!”

I hit send on the text message, placed my phone to the side of my bed and I closed my eyes.
Seconds later, my mind was racing. I was filled with remorse and regretting even opening up.
I wanted to pick up my phone but this was not WhatsApp, this message was not getting deleted or erased.

The sunlight beamed through the blinds as I woke up. I picked up my phone and looked at the notification panel.
1:38pm.
Fuck! How did I sleep for so long?

I sluggishly got up, weaving through my notifications and apps, I ignored my bible app reminder and went straight for my iMessage.
As I pulled it up, I noticed that my message from the night before had been read four hours prior but no reply.

Fucking Kamal.

……

“Tobi, where are you?”

I heard him chuckle over the phone and he replied

“Chill, I’m coming”

I growled and snapped back

“Tobi, you said you have been coming since morning. If you couldn’t come, you should have just told me and I would have found a way to come and get it.
Where are you now, so I can come and get it?”

I could tell my anger took him by surprise as he said

“I’m already on my way to you. I’m bringing it”

I replied

“How long?!”

“15minutes”

He snarled back.

Click. The call was over.

The next roughly 15minutes were sooo annoying!
One thing I hate more than anything else is being made to wait.
I needed that bag and what is more annoying is that I gladly would have gone to get it myself.
But here I was waiting on someone who didn’t see the urgency in what I needed.

When he pulled up, I opened the door and let him in.
His first words didn’t help because I was doing everything within my power to not snatch my purse from him.
He smiled and said

“Why are you so angry?”

I took a deep breath and said

“Tobi, give me my purse”

He started trying to play hookie with me by running around the coffee table in the center of my living room.
I was so angry and I charged at him.
He ducked and turned around the couch, he was now standing between the couch and my dining table.
I stopped to catch my breath and I said

“Tobi, please give me my purse. I am tired abeg”

He smiled and started walking towards me with his hands behind his back, both on my purse.
I walked towards him and we were soon standing within inches of each other.
He leaned in and tried to kiss me.
I weaved and moved my head as I said

“Tobi stop. Just please give me my purse. I’m really tired”

He smirked and said

“Not giving it to you until you give me a kiss”

I turned around to walk away. I was boiling inside.
He tried to grab my forearm as I turned away. In one swoop, I swung around and smacked his hand.
There was a look of pure shock on his face, he clearly didn’t think I was going to hit him that hard.
He pulled his hand out and stretched my purse towards me.

I collected it and sluggishly walked into the room.
I opened the bag and began shuffling in the purse for what I was looking for.
I couldn’t find it.
I couldn’t fucking find it!
My eyes were getting cloudy and my heart was racing. I turned the contents of the purse on to the bed.
A parking ticket I had been putting off was amongst the contents. I hissed as I rummaged through the bag still looking for the item.
No luck.

I could feel my breath leaving me.
I got up and went towards my bedside desk. Opening the drawer, I started looking for it there.
Nothing.
I walked back to the bed and sat down.
At this point, the tears were coming down my face.
I was afraid.
My mind went blank. The last time I saw it, I was putting it into my purse.
So where could it have gone?
I stood up to head into the living room. As I stood up, I felt my legs give way and I slumped with the back of my head catching the corner of my bed.
The last thing I heard was Tobi bursting into my room.
I saw his legs as he bent next to me and lifted my head into his arms.

He kept calling my name.
I was slowly forgetting mine.
My eyes shut.

…..

“Do you know when the last time she took her medication was?”

Those were the first words I heard as I was getting wheeled into the emergency room. There was no way Tobi could have known.

As they parked the bed, the doctors tried to ask me some questions. I roughly remember what I said.
Soon there was a drip going into my forearm and I felt myself drifting off again. The last thing I remember was motioning weakly to Tobi who was sitting next to me, he rode up and stood over me.
I sheepishly whispered

“Kamal.”

He looked confused. I whispered again

“Call Kamal”

When I woke up about 5hours later, Tobi and Kamal were sitting on opposite sides of the bed, flanking me.
I could feel the tension between them. It was like a cloud over the open bed space.
Tobi must have used my Face ID to get into my phone which was what I expected anyways and Kamal, while worried about me, must have not understood why Tobi was there.

I slowly sat up and said

“Have you two met?”

Tobi shook his head and said

“I just called him like you asked”

My lips were chapped and my throat was dry. I swallowed hard and said

“Thank you”

I looked over at Kamal and smiled before continuing

“I told you to call Kamal because he knew my medication and would have been able to tell the doctors”

Kamal jumped in and said

“Yes, I told them already and they gave you a drip and a refill, you should be good to leave here later tonight or tomorrow if you want”

I slid back into the bed.
I could tell that Tobi was dying inside, I could see it on his face. He didn’t know why I fainted and here I was asking another man to come and meet us at the hospital. But, I was not about to explain at that time. I was too weak.
He tried to hold it together for a bit and then he said

“Hey- So I have to go and take care of some work stuff.
Will you let me know when you get discharged?”

I nodded.
He leaned in gave me a hug and then that “man” nod to Kamal before walking out.

As he walked out, I turned to look at Kamal.
He smiled without saying anything. I asked

“What?”

He smiled and said

“Nothing o. You just know how to pick them”

Slightly embarrassed, I replied

“I didn’t even do anything”

He smiled even more and said

“Yeah right, you never do”

He continued and said

“How are you feeling? I was worried when I got the call”

I looked down on the bed and said

“I’m fine to be honest, I just didn’t take my meds because I couldn’t find them.
But I’m good honestly”

He said

“Are you sure?”

I nodded and said

“You know me, I’m good”

He said okay and then he asked

“Are we still on for this weekend, now that you have decided to put me in a death scare”

I replied

“Ori e” – translates to “Your head” before continuing to say

“Honestly, I should be good with a day of rest and icing my head. I think I hit it on the bed when I fell.
Hurts like a MF”

He replied and said

“Lmaooooo its because your head is so big”

If I could have punched him, I totally would have.

…..

As we pulled up to the venue, I noticed that he still had his drink in the door of the car.

“You’re supposed to have finished drinking that already?”

I whined.
He smiled, picked up the bottle and downed what was left of it. I knew it was going to be a good night.
We walked to the venue and I suggested that we grab drinks before the show started.
We snuck into the connected bar and sat by the bar.

His eyes kept wandering as he was amazed by the setup. There were video games everywhere.
We ordered our drinks and I saw him googling “Mario Kart games on PlayStation 4”. Such a big kid.
I asked the bartender to surprise me with my drink and I think he ordered a Red Bull.
We took our drinks and headed into the venue, the show was about to start.
As we approached the door, we got stopped and were told to get our tickets at the box office. So we walked all the way back to the front, got the tickets and then headed in.

I could tell how handsome he looked by the stank eyes most of the ladies flashed at me. He kept beaming that smile behind me and I was all here for it.
We sat right next to each other but he turned my seat, so my back was to him and we faced the stage.
The entire show, bar when he was on his phone, his hands were on my bum.
I couldn’t wait for us to get out of there.

The show was fun. Lots of laugh, improv nights are always my favorite.
We walked out talking about threesomes – we had seen a lady with a beautiful butt. So beautiful.
I can’t remember who suggested it but we ended up at a club, a few drinks and fist pumping, I was ready to go. I had wanted to jump his bones since I picked him up at the airport.
As we walked out, I noticed this white girl who had come up to me in the club.

She was sitting down on the floor with a cup of ice.
I asked

“What happened? You left me in there”

She was so drunk and even attempting to respond to me, she knocked over her cup of ice and she looked so distraught. I felt bad but I rushed out of there so quick!
We made it to the car and I couldn’t wait to get us home. He was playing music and we were having a great time in the car and then he asked

“How far away from the house are we?”

I nonchalantly replied

“About 5 minutes”

He smiled and once we hit a red light, he leaned over and kissed me.
Then he slid his left hand up my skirt. I couldn’t concentrate.
My legs started shaking and my breathing short. He slid my panties to the side and began rubbing my clit.
I was squirming while trying to keep the car steady.
What the fuck?
I could feel the chills rising up my back. I wanted to close my eyes and let go but we were almost home.
I remember veering out of my lane and my car beeping to alert me.
I was alert alright, my pussy was ready for a beating.
To cap it off, he removed his hand, looked at me and licked my juices off his fingers.

As we pulled in the parking lot, I quickly parked.
I could hear Lil Wayne’s verse on The Motto playing in the background as he reclined my seat.
He leaned in as if he was about to kiss me. I was wrong.
He reached up my skirt and pulled my panties down.
Kissed me on the forehead and hopped out of the car.
I was soooooooo angry!
Like wtf?!

I gathered myself, pulled my skirt down and hopped out of the car.
There he was standing in the middle of the parking lot, all 6’3 260lbs of him. His left hand was to his face.
As I got closer, I realized he was holding my panties to his nose.
We entered my apartment and he sat down on the couch, I made him a drink and pulled down his pants.
I was ready to go.

His moans were my favorite part. His hands running through my hair as he cursed and told me

“This is the best head ever”

My inner thot smiled.
I stroked and slurped down his shaft, soaking his balls and drinking on to my leather couch.
I wanted all of him deep in my throat and in my guts.
He tried to fight it but wasn’t very successful.
He went silent as I stroked his dick with my left hand and juggled his balls with my right hand.
He pushed me off and walked me back to the room.

He climbed on the bed and laid on his back.
I climbed on the bed and planted my pussy on his face before leaning forward and taking in his dick – 69.
It was wet on both ends of the coast as we feasted on each other.
He pushed me off as I came and was about to lean into me, there is a full length mirror at the foot of my bed, I caught a glimpse of myself.
As I laid down, I spread my legs wide. He lowered his member into me and started slow.
Cupping my head in his hand and protecting it from the head board, he thrust in and out.
The pace picked up and my profanity did as well.
He was hitting it right.
His grip on my thighs was as hot as the depths his dick was exploring.
I could see the hunger in his eyes.
He pounded me like candied yams. I was loving it.

When he flipped me over, I was ready.
I arched my back and tooted my ass towards him. He smiled and slide into me.
I could still feel how wet his balls were as they slammed into my clit.
He grabbed the shit out of my waist and he went to work. It was as if we hadn’t seen each other in 3 months.
He kept at it and so did I, throwing it back like a third draft of a senior thesis.

I could feel welling up and getting ready with his canon.
So I wrapped my legs around his butt.
He was leaning all the way into me, I was almost falling off the bed as he pounded my pleading pussy.
I wanted it. More of it.
All of it.
He didn’t stop.
I wouldn’t let him stop.
Just as he was about to let go, I looked back, damn near from the floor and yelled

“Fill me up”

Boom.
He grunted.
Moaned and pumped me full of his warm seed.
I lay there for a few minutes as he curled up next to me panting for air.
I turned over and said

“Where are my panties?”

He smiled and said

“You’re never getting them back”

It was going to be a long weekend and I was going to enjoy every minute of it.
I rolled over in the bed as he got up and headed to the bathroom.

The lights went on and then he said

“The condom broke”

 

Welcome to my first series of 2019! Expect a lot more this year. That’s all I’m saying.
Oh also, please leave me a comment and share your thoughts. Thanks!

 

PLEASE COMMENT. 

~Part 2 drops next Saturday! Do not miss it~

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#SanmiSaturdays

© 2019 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · 6lack · African · African Fiction · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Nigerian Writers · Sex · Stories

Lipstick Stain

Part 1

6lack – Unfair

Somehow I could feel myself on the brink of consciousness.
I was a teenager trying to sneak back into the house after a promiscuous night.
I wanted more – sleep.
It felt like if I continued to hear my surroundings, I would lose out on that beauty sleep.
It had been a while since I properly slept. Weeks almost, actually, maybe even months.
And here I was enjoying this day in my 1000 thread count sheets and I was waking up.
I laid there with my eyes trying to adjust to the brightness that enveloped the room through the high windows.

Turning to the left on my side of the bed which was closer to the wall, I stretched out.
As I finished yawning, I looked to the foot of the table and I was met with a glare.

“Shush”

She said.
I smirked back and blew her an apologetic kiss before falling back into the bed.
My eyes were glued to the ceiling and for a quick moment, it felt like what I had always dreamt off.
The woman of my dreams in our home that we built together and filled with love.
I smiled and closed my eyes.
I was about to fall asleep again.

The last words I heard were

“Hi guys! Welcome to my channel…”

I smiled and my eyes closed.

…..

When I reopened my eyes, it was almost evening time.
The room smelled like fresh stew, so I assumed Lade had cooked.
A part of me was excited to eat but as I got up. She looked at me and said

“Oh thank God, you finally decided to wake up… we are going to be late, you need to start getting ready”

I reached over with my left hand and grabbed my phone. It was 4:37pm.
I had been sleeping for 6 hours.

“Babe, why didn’t you wake me?”

I whined.
She smiled and replied as she applied her concealer over her dark spots

“Akin, you needed to sleep. So I let you sleep.
Now you need to get up and get ready, so we can leave because I do not want us to be late”

I heard the reasoning in her voice but I wanted to fight it.

So I said

“But do I really have to go?”

My eyes caught hers as those final words left my mouth.
She launched that famous glare at me again and said

“Don’t even start with me tonight. You know this is important to me.
So please get up and get dressed.
Your suit is hanging in the closet and there is some rice in the microwave. Oya stand up”

Grumpily, I forced myself up and walked to the kitchen. Somehow I allowed the entire Saturday to pass me by.
I am not sure if I was really upset about going out with her as much as I was upset by the fact that I was missing Premier League games.
I was going to need to let it go though.
After all, this was a big night for my wife of 6 months.
She was nominated for the Future Awards Africa under the New Media category and I was so proud of her.
So as much as I couldn’t stand the paparazzi and just being outdoors, I decided to go with her.

The rice was so spicy but so delicious.
I kept drinking water to quell my burning taste buds, these Yoruba women.
Less than an hour later, we were out the door.

The night was typical. Red carpet, some small talk with some industry folks and then quickly the spotlight was firmly set on her as it should.
I found my way to the bar and got a drink before making it to our seat.
It actually was a decent night, now that I think about it.
But it got drastically different when my wife won.
When her name was called, I couldn’t believe it.
You never really do. As a supporter of a loved one, I think you always temper your expectations in the event that the other shoe drops.
Both of you can’t be blindsided.
I remember her “thank you” speech like it was five minutes ago.
She thanked God, her family, team, friends but not me.
I honestly didn’t think too much about it because I assumed that me being directly in front of her, made it easy to forget me.

…..

As we pulled up to the celebration dinner after the show, I noticed that she still had her drink in the door of the car.

“You’re supposed to have finished drinking that already?”

I whined.
She smiled, picked up the bottle and downed what was left of it. I knew it was going to be a good night.
We walked into the venue and I suggested that we grab drinks before the show started.
We snuck into the connected bar and sat by the bar.

I asked the bartender to surprise me with my drink and I think she ordered a Red Bull.
We took our drinks and headed into the main auditorium, the show was about to start.
As we approached the door, we got stopped and took some pictures.

I could tell how beautiful she looked by the stank eyes most of the men flashed at me. She kept beaming that smile behind me and I was all here for it.
We sat right next to each other but I turned her seat, so her back was to me? and we faced the stage.
The entire show, bar when she was on her phone, my hands were on her bum.
I couldn’t wait for us to get out of there.

The show was fun. Lots of laughs, improv nights were always my favorite.
We walked out talking about threesomes – we had seen a lady with a beautiful butt. So beautiful.
I can’t remember who suggested it but we ended up at a club, a few drinks and fist pumping, I was ready to go. I had wanted to jump her bones since she was putting her makeup on at home.

We made it to the car and I couldn’t wait to get us home. She was playing music and we were having a great time in the car and then she asked

“How far away from the house are we?”

I nonchalantly replied

“About 5 minutes”

I smiled and once we hit a red light, I leaned over and kissed her.
Then I slid my right hand up her skirt. She couldn’t concentrate.
Her legs started shaking and her breathing short. I slid her panties to the side and began rubbing her clit.
She was squirming while I was trying to keep the car steady.
What the fuck?
I could feel the chills rising up her back. I wanted to devour but we were almost home.
I remember veering out of my lane and the car beeping to alert me.
I was alert alright, her pink was ready for a beating.
To cap it off, I removed my hand, looked at her and licked her juices off my fingers.

As we pulled in the parking lot, I quickly parked.
I could hear Lil Wayne’s verse on The Motto playing in the background as I reclined her seat.
I leaned in as if I was about to kiss her. She was wrong.
I reached up her skirt and pulled her panties down.
Kissed her on the forehead and hopped out of the car.
She was soooooooo angry!
Like wtf?!

As she got closer, she realized I was holding her panties to my nose.
We entered the house and she sat down on the couch, I made her a drink and pulled down her pants.
I was ready to go.

Her moans were my favorite part. Her hands rubbing through my hair as she cursed and told me

“This is the best head ever”

My inner freak smiled.
I stroked and slurped down her pink, soaking my beard and her dripping on to my leather couch.
I wanted to be deep in her pink and in her guts.
She tried to fight it but wasn’t very successful.
She pushed me off and I walked her back to the room.

I climbed on the bed and she planted her dripping pussy on my face before leaning forward and taking in my throbbing member – 69.
It was wet on both ends of the coast as we feasted on each other.
I pushed her off as I was about to cum, there was a full length mirror at the foot of our bed, I caught a glimpse of myself.
As I laid down, I spread her legs wide, lowered my member into her and started slow.
Cupping her head in my hands and protecting it from the head board, I thrust in and out.
The pace picked up and my profanity did as well.
I gripped on her thighs as the depths my member plunged into got deeper and deeper.
I could see the love and lust in her eyes.
I was pounding it like candied yams and loving it.

I flipped her over – her pink was pulsing. It was ready.
She arched her back and tooted her cake towards me. I licked my lips as I slid in.
I could still feel how wet my balls were as they slammed into her clit.
I grabbed the shit out of her waist and I went to work. It was as if we hadn’t seen each other in 3 months.
I kept at it and so did she, throwing it back like a third draft of a senior thesis.

I could feel myself welling up and getting ready to explode.
So she wrapped her legs around my butt.
I was leaning all the way into her, she was almost falling off the bed as I pounded her pleading pussy.
I wanted it. More of it.
All of it.
I didn’t stop.
She wouldn’t let me stop.
Just as she thought was about to let go, she looked back, damn near from the floor and yelled

“Fill me up”

Boom.
I let go and pumped her full of my heated relatives.
We lay there for a few minutes as I curled up next to her panting for air.
She turned over and said

“Where are my panties?”

I smiled and said

“You’re never getting them back”

…..

“Hey Akin, did you move the money from the First bank account?”

I didn’t turn my head but I answered

“yeah. I moved it to the UBA.
Why?”

She rolled her eyes and scoffed as she said

“Why?
I was going to use it”

Her words weren’t aligning with me. I turned my head to her and with a concerned look, I said

“Use it?

What do you mean ‘use it’?
What were you going to use 3 million for?”

She snapped back

“Why are you questioning me?”

Now I was even more concerned because I wasn’t sure where all of this was coming from.
I looked at her closely and said

“Why am I questioning you about OUR money?
I’m so confused right now”

She didn’t reply and she stormed out of the room.
We had enough, money that is. In different accounts in Nigeria and even in the US and UK, so I wasn’t sure why she was upset and why she thought it was okay to spend that much money without me knowing or signing off on it.
I went back to watching the Sunday night preview of the upcoming soccer games.
A few minutes later, she stormed back in and said

“If this was for you and your boys to go and buy bottles at Quilox, you won’t be asking me who’s money it is o.
Now you are asking me stupid questions. Or if it was to go and flash it for small Lagos girls or Unilag girls, you won’t remember it’s OUR money then”

Something struck a nerve. And I was about to go off.

“Lade, what are you fucking talking about right now?
What is wrong with you? Can I just watch my games in peace?
Don’t you have something else to do.”

She looked dressed to go out but it appeared the situation had her reconsidering.
She walked up to my face as I sat on the couch and snapped the remote control. In one motion, the television was off.
I took a deep breath and I asked again,

“Lade what is all this?”

She replied

“You are a useless man with no backbone and you think you can walk all over me because you are a man”

None of this was making sense to me. So I said

“Please stop.”

It was like “stop” replaced the effect of “calm down” . She went off and began yelling at the top of her lungs.

“Stop what, stop what! You must let me say what I need to say”

I knew my wife and this conversation was only going down hill.
So I walked to the dining table, snatched my keys and I left my house. I first picked up my friend Dare in Ikoyi before we headed to Surulere.
The evening got better.
We talked and compared marriages notes while watching the games.

By the time the games were over, it was already 2am.
I don’t even remember how I got home but I did. I knew she was in the bedroom, so I went straight to the couch and I just slumped into it. She was probably still mad at me anyways, best option was to just avoid her.
The five or six bottles of Orijin I had plus what we smoked had me feeling pretty good.
I kicked off my shoes and that was the last I remembered.

The next morning, I woke up at about 7am.
Sluggishly, I walked into our bedroom. It was really quiet, I figured that she had left before I got up.
I took my clothes off and pulled my towel off the rack as I walked into the bathroom.
Stark naked, what my eyes saw felt like something out of a Game of Thrones scene.
There was blood everywhere and my wife’s lifeless body in the tub.
I was standing in it with my bare toes. I was in such shock, I couldn’t think but I noticed shell casing right outside the tub.
My mind began to race, I immediately connected one dot.
I turned and headed back into the room, bloodied feet and all. I bent down next to my side of the bed and pulled out a lock box.
My hands were shaking as I opened it up.
My gun was missing.

I knew I was completely fucked.

Glad to be back and writing again!
This series is going to be a lot of fun. I promise you. Please leave me a comment and share how you felt this part. Means a lot. Thanks!

 

PLEASE COMMENT. 

~Part 2 drops next Saturday! Do not miss it~

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#SanmiSaturdays

© 2018 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WordsofWednesday · Art · Bloggers · Nigerian Writers · Poetry

I Deserve Forgiveness

#WordsOfWednesday

I Deserve “Some” Forgiveness

There are few moments in life where things make you take a beat.
Sometimes after a beating. Other times, after realizing that you need to truly stop and breathe.
For years, the phrase “na me fuck up” was all too familiar.

Stupid decisions, trusting wrongly, not speaking plainly and sometimes falling blindly.
I would sit down and cry while beating up myself.
“Sanmi, you should know better”
“How could you?”

I was mostly burned and forced to write pieces like Fuck Your Friendship.
Burned by “friends” or “love interests”. I was always a feeler – I allowed myself to see the best in people.
I get it from my dad.
There was once someone that dragged my father’s name in public. I knew he was in the right but he kept his cool and kept encouraging us to be calm.
One evening, I came back from school and I noticed a few extra cars outside.
As I made my way in, I heard voices.
The person had come with their family and friends to beg my father – they were on their knees asking for forgiveness.
I wanted him to publicize it but he said no.
The words he left me with have stuck.

“In certain situations, you will learn lessons that you truly wish you could have avoided but they will shape you. Peace within you is a higher grade than public validation”

It never really clicked for me until I became a man.
I would sit down and beat myself for poor decisions. Why didn’t I listen to my friends about this person or why did I stay in that situation?
Why did I let them back in?

All that and more.
But here is the truth, you will make mistakes and with all the lessons I have learned, I still make them.
The best you can do is continue to improve as you go along.
Have a short memory for the fuckups but cherish the growth points and the future you will have with those lessons.

So 2018 has been filled with less “Na me fuck up” moments.
People will always try to drag you back and remind you of your fuckups but stay focused.
Seriously.
It will be hard and you may be down on yourself. But don’t let it linger.

I used to say there was no one I regretted being friends with or dating but there is one person.
While we shared some great times, they make me regret ever knowing them.
And it is easy to wallow.
You want to continue to kick yourself! But to what end?

Oh, he was playing you?
She never really loved you and she used you?
Okay, it has happened and you have learned.
Now stand up and forgive yourself.
Yes, not them. Forgive yourself for the guilt, pain, shame, and rage you feel.
You are amazing and you will continue to live and learn.
You will still make more of those mistakes and you will scale challenges with ease – you are evolving.e
Every single day.

And yes, you deserve some accolades!

What are some things that have had you saying “na me fuck up” lately? Comment below and let’s talk.
Thanks for reading as always!

Black.Gay.Waiting Part 4 out on Saturday!
Please watch this space!

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#WordsOfWednesday
© 2018 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · African Fiction · Art · Bloggers · Life · Nigerian Writers · Poetry · TheRantsShow

Intent vs. Impact

Intent vs. Impact

I was sitting in a sexual harassment refresher about 5 years ago. My job at the time made it mandatory that everyone within the company took the training once a year.
It was the very first time I heard the phrase “it is not your intent, it’s your impact”.

Now, believe me, the first time I heard that I was like “that is selfish!”
If I’m not trying to hurt you and you get hurt, that’s your problem. Not mine!
But as he explained it further, I began to understand the responsibility placed on us as people and as people who have others we love.

Now the initial discussion was about sexual harassment right?
An example of how intent vs. impact works was imagine showing up to work tomorrow and you see Sally on your way in.
You tell Sally “I love your dress, it really brings out your figure”
In your mind, you have done something nice. Most of us would think like that. Start Sally’s day with a compliment right? Make her feel good a bit?
What happens when you find out that Sally took offense to that. Imagine for a second that Sally was having a crappy morning and her mother had criticized her weight earlier that day.
Your comment reawakening the crappy feeling she already had – impact.
Intent vs. Impact.

Since that day, I have always tried to apply the same logic to my friendships and romantic relationships.
I understand that it is human to offend but more importantly, how I approach something is the only thing I can account for.
How someone receives it, is their choice as well.
They are entitled to that.
And even when it annoys you and you feel like they are taking a piss, you have to still look at things from their end.

It is also important to be aware that while someone may offend you and that was their impact, it may not have been their intention.
The best way to look at this is how you want to be loved.

Anyone that knows me well enough knows that I hate talking about things I cannot change.
Things that aggravate me are words with no action and feeling powerless in a situation.
I used to date someone in a long distance situation that would say, “you never come to see me or even talk about it”
In their mind, my lack of dialogue around it has impacted them into thinking, I don’t care.
But that is not my intention. For one, like I explained earlier, I hate empty talk. I am a doer, if I want something, I wait till I can execute till I bring it up.
Until we had a conversation about it, she always thought I just didn’t care.
5years ago, I would have said she was being selfish for not understanding my intent but you have to communicate it.

It is also your responsibility when you love someone to afford them the benefit of the doubt.
One of my partners used to be horrible with the public display of affection and love.
I host a radio show and I expect that a woman that loves me, would listen and support weekly.
But she was one of those people in the background.
Listening but never using the hashtag or commenting. It bothered me for a while. But I had to understand that her intent was not to seem uninterested or absent.
Did it annoy me? Hell yes, but I had to see the big picture.

This also brings me to the concept of how you love people.
You have to understand your past successes in relationships count for nothing if the current one you are in is failing.
Nobody wants to be in a failed relationship or friendship but it takes work to make all of that tick.
I am pretty confident that nobody likes the idea of repeatedly saying, “that’s not what I meant”
That is part of where the work comes in. You have to be able to align your intentions and your impact.
That is one of the ways relationships/friendships are successful.

I have a friend that gets mad at me all the time for my response times to text messages. They assume that I must not care or that I am just absent.
Totally untrue but I understand where there are coming from.
I get busy, absent-minded, distracted or forgetful but at no point does any of that translate to not caring.
But it happens and people feel things.

If you love them, tell them.
Fight for them.
Support them.
Be available and
Try to be sensitive to their needs. Their concerns, frustrations.
Also, try to give them the benefit of the doubt. Do not start every thought with assuming that they are doing everything to hurt you.
If there is anything you need to remember today from this, make sure your intent and impact are as closely aligned as possible.

You won’t always get it right but you can try.
Now, if you don’t get me a gift for my birthday, the impact is that I will be very upset and NO, I don’t care about your bloody intent. 😂
Okay, just kidding.
Go out there this week and be great. Until next week, it has been WordsOfWednesday from the desk of The Wordsmith.

Bless.

Follow @adewus4real and please LEAVE ME A COMMENT BELOW! Thanks!

#WordsOfWednesday
#WTHM
#TheRantsShow

Black.Gay.Waiting Part 3 out on Saturday!
Please watch this space!

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#WordsOfWednesday
© 2018 #WhatTheHeckMan

 

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Poetry · TheRantsShow

Sink OR Swim

#WordsOfWednesday
Sink or Swim

Head first in the deep,
I may sink or swim
Learning how to breathe
I end as I begin
Oh, I don’t know if I can do it, do it
I’m not sure I can do it, do it
I know I wanna do it, do it
Fuck it, I’m gonna do it, do it

Cos I gotta feeling…
(Deep inside of me)
Telling me to do it…
(Deep inside of me)

Sink or Swim by Jacob Banks

The very first time I heard the song, it was at the Jacob Banks concert. I had been slacking as a fan because I had never properly listened to the song even though I had the EP on my computer.
So the night before the show, I was watching videos to a lot of the songs I had listened to and I played it.
Very easily liked it but it still did not register.

When I got to the concert and he played the song, he had changed it.
He changed the pitch, the melody was tweaked a bit and everyone was singing along except me.
And it was in that moment I realized how much I liked the song.

So I went back home and just binged on it and that was how I fell in love.
I knew standing in that crowd and mouthing off that this song was going to define my 2018; Sink or Swim.

Many of you reading this, started this writing/blogging journey with me.
In many cases, you have watched my evolution as a writer, creative, host, and most importantly, as a man.
I think with that evolution, comes a sense of ownership.
People think I should believe in myself more and it should be reflective. They are right.

I think I am a pretty decent everything listed about. But most times, people around me see more.
More than I can and more than I am sometimes willing to admit.
I think I am a pretty good writer but not great. Same goes for hosting my show or being a big brother or anything.
I mostly operate in the above average range.
That is about to change.

2018 is my sink or swim year in many senses.
One, it is the year I venture out of my comfort zones and tell the stories that I keep locked away.
It is the year where I approach discussions and creative platforms that scare, challenge and motivate me.
It is the year I tell myself “do it” and damn the consequences.
It is the year I take the love I deserve and settle for nothing less. I have written many times about the fear of being alone. Like even in the times I was single, I was never alone.
And out of the fear of not having to walk alone, I have settled for less than I deserve. No more.
It is the year of creative exploration on a more spiritual level (Check out my current series Black.Gay.Waiting here). When I wrote Black Gay Waiting, people freaked out. Some thought I was gay, some called me gay.
But it was mostly because the story was so believable but also because I wrote it, expect more.

2018 is also the year that I allow myself to be more vulnerable spiritually. I have always hidden behind the bare minimum. “Oh just enough that God knows I love Him and I do His work” but never truly pushing the envelope like I should. Change.

WhatTheHeckMan, TheRantsShow and I have all grown over the years but in a way, I feel like we stagnated last year.
The numbers say we didn’t but maybe because I am the force behind all of those things, and I’m never content with what I have, I want to push for more and more is what we are getting.
In 2018, everything should feel like a jump off a cliff.
You obviously have a parachute in your bag but no plans to use it. You’ll jump and soar.
Glide into your victories and be miles above your enemies.

Too often, we are okay with okay.
“Okay, I think if I hit this level, I’ll be okay”
“What I have done so far, is okay jare
All very fair but there is more. There will be more. And it is okay to chase it.
2018, do not be okay with being above average because if the entire world is above average, then technically, you’re average.

I remember when I moved out of my parent’s house, what is now 9 years ago.
The plan was to split my rent.
I had gotten a part-time job and for the first 6 months, my parents were going to support me.
8 days after moving out, I lost the job.
My girlfriend at the time, bless her heart was the rock that held me through as I waited four months for another job.
It would be as a lifeguard.
I didn’t even know I could swim, until one day there was an emergency in the pool and I had to dive in and save a kid.
That is how I am approaching this year.
I don’t know if I can do it,
I am not sure if I can do it,
But I know I want to do it,
So fuck it, I AM GOING TO DO IT!

My name is Sanmi Adewunmi. You may know me as Adewus4real or The Wordsmith.
I create and I do a damn good job of it.
In 2018, I am pushing myself to the limits and challenging every person that is reading this to do the same.
Here is what will happen.
Not trying to be negative but we will fail at some things – but we will gather learnings to improve new approaches and we will succeed at many things and thrive in our best lives.
None of which won’t happen if you don’t jump in the water.

Write those goals out.
If you are religious, pray about them.
Religious or not, work hard at them.
Success will come.
It has to.

Say it with me, “In 2018 and beyond, I will thrive in everything I set my heart, my mind, my body and my soul to”
In 2018, we swim!
So get in the water.
And if you think you are going to drown, don’t worry, I gotchu.
After all, I was a lifeguard for all of 5 months!

Let’s go out there and take 2018; spiritually, financially, romantically, creatively, professionally, physically and any other kind of “cally”
This is the first WordsOfWednesday for 2018 and I promise to be more consistent with these this year.
Please retweet, comment, share and let me know if you plan to Sink or Swim this year.
Come back next Wednesday for another piece and make sure you catch the next episode of @TheRantShow before that. Also find the track that inspired my approach to 2018 below~
I appreciate you all.
2018 is ours. Part 3 of Black.Gay.Waiting will be out this Saturday! I promise! ❤️

LEAVE ME A COMMENT BELOW! START THE NEW YEAR RIGHTTTTTTT! lol

Bless & Happy New Year!

#WordsOfWednesday
#WTHM
#TheRantsShow

Black.Gay.Waiting Part 3 out on Saturday!
Please watch this space!

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#WordsOfWednesday
© 2018 #WhatTheHeckMan

 

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · African Fiction · African Stories · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Stories · TheRants · TheRantsShow

Black.Gay.Waiting 2

Black.Gay.Waiting 2

PART 2

It was 6am in the morning, I was just standing out in the middle of the quadrangle and looking embarrassed.
Wet.
I was trying to understand how I missed it.
My clothes were on the window pane to my left. I had placed them there before I began to bathe myself as I prepared for school.
Why would someone do this to me?
This was only my first morning in boarding school.

I wanted the safety of my home.
My temperature controlled shower, consistent electricity, hot breakfast and just emotional safety!
Here I was thrust into the “wild”.
Anyone that experienced it will tell you straight up that it builds character and forces you to face a lot of the fears you will meet in life.
One thing it also does though, it awakens fears you never thought you had.

That cold morning, I stood there and wished I could teleport.
I swear I had seen my clothes there. Just a minute before.
Someone obviously moved it because they wanted to teach me a lesson.
I eventually made my way into my dorm and tried to forget that had happened, but it hurt.
That day, I prayed that I would never be in that kind of situation again.

Well, I have been in that situation 3 times since then but this had to be the most embarrassing.
My father, a renowned minister, was standing less than 10 feet away from me while I clutched my undergarments to protect my exposed genitalia.
Fuck!
How did this happen?
How did he know I was here?

“Pastor, I am sorry”

Micah said in whimpering tone.

“Shut up!”

My father barked back at him.

He looked up to me and said

“You are still at this?! After everything your mother and I have done for you?”

My head dropped.
He continued on

“You are a disgrace. A complete disgrace.”

It was at that point I dropped my clothes on the bed and I started putting my boxers on.
I was so tired of being called all sorts for being who I was.
My father turned to Micah and said

“…and you, I cannot believe you would do this. I never want to see you again.
Or anywhere near the church.”

He stormed out without saying another word.
I quickly put the rest of my clothes on and followed. Micah tried to grab me, I stopped and he said

“I’m sorry. This is my fault”

I smiled and gave him a kiss on his lips and then said

“Don’t be. You did nothing wrong”

as I wiped his lip.
He dropped his head and I patted his cheek as I walked out.

Walking into the parking space, my father said to me

“Give him the keys”

referring to his driver who was now standing outside to my left, right next to my car.
I wanted to ask why but I knew why.
He wanted us to ride together so he could berate me further.
I didn’t question it, I tossed my keys to Dimeji, our longtime family driver and the man that taught me how to drive.
He nodded, almost in apology and then entered my car.
I walked over to my father’s car and entered.
To my surprise, he did not say a single word during the entire ride home.

When we got home, I went straight to my room and stayed there most of the day.
I shuffled between scrolling through Twitter and watching season 4 of the Blacklist. I was basically trying everything to get my mind off what had just happened.
My mom was out of the country and returning later that night. One thing was for sure, my father was always going to tell my mother what happened.
They tell each other everything.
So I knew it was only a matter of time before she was brought up to speed.
And she was going to be home in a few hours.

…..

I was awakened by the buzzing of my phone.
I actually didn’t realize I had fallen asleep. As I answered, I tried to keep my eyes closed.
The voice on the other end was familiar. It said

“Are you ready?”

I wasn’t understanding. So I asked

“Ready for what?”

She said

“Drinks. I texted you and told you I was coming”

I hadn’t seen the text. Probably because I was sleeping. So I asked

“Where are you?”

“10mins away”

she replied

I sighed and said

“Aight, I’ll be out in a bit”

I quickly got up, brushed my teeth and then washed my face before heading out the room.
As I approached the living room, I could hear the sounds of the television – MSNBC.
That was one of my dad’s favourite channels, so I quickly put it together that he was in there.
I knew I had to walk past him and I was going to do it as quickly as possible.
As I entered the living room and was almost out of the main door, he said

“Ni bo lo da?” – translating to “where to?”

I stopped in my tracks, turned to my right where he sat and said

“I am grabbing dinner with a friend”

He squeezed his face and dismissed me with his mouth closed.
And out I was.

In the car waiting for me was Sandra.
One of my true best friends and one of the only few that knew my situation.
As I sat in the car, she turned and gave me a hug.
She followed it up by saying

“How are you?”

In that moment, I wanted to break down and cry but I mustered the strength and said

“I think I’m okay hun.
Like… I don’t know but I’d like to think that I’m good”

We chatted about her week and her boyfriend whom she felt was dragging his feet and not proposing.
I told her to be calm, after all, only 20 months of dating was never going to be enough time to know someone.
Sandra was extra like that.

As they cleared our table, Sandra asked for the check and brought out her wallet.
I looked at her with confusion and said

“What are you doing?”

She scoffed, smiled and said

“Paying. Or what does it look like?”

I was about to reply when she said

“Abeg hold that your machismo nonsense. I got this one.”

I just swallowed my words. She then asked

“So what are you going to do?”

I looked up to her and locked my fingers into each other as I said

“I honestly don’t know but I sure as hell know that I am tired.
I mean for crying out loud, I am almost 30!
I have never had sex and I have done everything my family has asked of me…but I cannot change who I am!
This is who I fucking am. Sandra it is soo tiring.
Is it my fault that my parents are pastors? Or that I like men and not women?
Like let’s get this straight, I am almost fucking thirty! Like is it because I moved back home or something?
Like I am just tired”

She nodded as I could see the sadness all over her face.
She said

“I am sorry hun. I really am.
Let me just say this though. Just continue to be yourself. We appreciate you for who you are.
I know for sure that I do, and I love you for being you”

“Thanks love.”

I replied.
Dinner and those drinks certainly helped me feel a bit better. As I rode home in the back of the Uber, I couldn’t help but think about how much I had wanted to break free.
For many years, nobody knew of my status and I truly didn’t need people to know.
I was always sure that I never wanted people to treat me any kind of way because of my sexuality. I was going to be great at anything I did without being treated differently.
But how come my home never felt like I was welcome?
My father would preach love and togetherness, being non-judgmental, forgiveness and unconditional love.
Yet, since I became an adult, those things have been far away from me.

The Uber pulled up to the gate and said

“Okay sir, we are here”

I looked up and noticed we were in front of my house.
I grew up in that house and I had come to hate that house. Every time I brought up the idea of me moving out, my mother scoffed at it and tried to make me feel bad for not wanting to live with them.
I heaved a deep sigh as I knocked on the gate for the gateman to open.

The house was quiet when I got in but the television was on.
I turned it off and went to my room. As I began taking my clothes off, I heard the gate open.
My parents were back.
I turned the lights off and got into my bed.
I heard them make their way into the house. I could hear my mom’s voice and even though I hadn’t see her in a few weeks, I decided against coming out of my room.

I heard them talking in their bedroom which was a floor beneath mine but when the house was quiet enough, it felt like they were next door.
I heard the water running. I figured my mother was taking a shower.
Sleep came calling and soon enough I was struggling to keep my eyes open.

I hadn’t been asleep for too long when I heard my door open quickly.
By the fruity scent left behind, I figured it was mom that came to check if I was awake.
I was, but I was not ready for the things that followed.

…..

Sunday mornings were always sluggish for me.
I think as I got older, I hated the pressure that came from being a PK (Pastor’s kid). So I became more distant from the church in many ways.
I would still go but I was always late or very detached. Only at the church, my parents pastored.
This morning, I woke up and I just lay there for a while.
I kept playing that day and my dad walking in.
As I replayed the day, I kept blaming myself.
Maybe I shouldn’t have slept over or maybe I should have rushed and put my clothes on as I heard my dad barge in.
I kept going through a bunch of maybes but I eventually settled on the fact that, it already happened and there was nothing I could do to change it.

When I made it to church, praise and worship was just about to start.
For the next twenty-five minutes, we sang and danced to the glory of God.
Then came the Liberty prayer and then the announcements.
The sermon was about to start when I noticed my father hand the microphone to my mother.
He wasn’t taking the sermon today.

I figured that it was because of everything that had happened over the weekend, he wanted to absolve himself of any ill feelings while ministering.
My mother got up there like she had many times before and began preaching.
She was firm, she was direct and told it as it was.

The title of her sermon was “Finding Your Way Home”
A lot of what she said convicted me, I felt like I had drifted from God.
I used to be active in the church and closer in my journey against sexual immorality.
I had promised that I would never have sex until I was married.
And even though I had dated women and almost got married to one, I was determined to wait until after I was married to have sex.
Now some of you may say, but what is the point in going on God, when you are already gay.
I wish I knew but it felt like the right thing to do within me.
And that was what I was going to do.

Midway through her sermon, I remember my mother saying

“Some of us have been so blessed by God that we stray. We let the blessings get to us and then we forget all that he has done.
We start to simplify his goodness and take it for granted.
Brethren, I encourage you to never let the elevation you have in life, make you think you no longer need God…”

I remember thinking

“hmmm, maybe I had turned on God and forgotten how much he had blessed me…”

I was in that thought when I heard my name over the loudspeakers.
I looked up and my mother was motioning me towards the altar.
I looked around to be sure.
Slowly, I got up and walked to the front of the church.

She stepped down from the altar and came up to me.
Placing her hand on my shoulder she said into the microphone

“An example of forgetting home and God’s blessings is my son here.
God has given him so much that he has forgotten God to the point that he is now engaging in sinful acts that made God burn down Sodom and Gomorrah.
My son has been participating in a homosexual relationship”

The entire church gasped.
I swear I thought I had died for a second.
It was like I was hearing a cassette tape played backwards. Everything in my head was scrambled. I was stunned.
My eyes quickly welled up and I couldn’t understand.

“How could she do this to me?”

I thought to myself.
I turned and people in the congregation had their hands covering their mouths in shock.
Something in me wanted to run but I couldn’t.
My mom continued and said

“It is important that when people are trying to lead you back to Christ, you take note because you can be lost in the world”

As she finished, someone got up in the second row and said

“Abeg what is all this nonsense?
Is this what we came to church for?”

My mother, microphone to her lips, said

“Excuse you?”

And the man continued and said

“Yes, is this why we came to church. So you can air your personal drama?
We come for the word, not this theatrics.
Besides, this is not news at least not to your family. Your husband always knew and he has known for a while now, so why are you here lying to us.
Please let us hear word”

My mother, surprised, turned around and looked at my father.
He rose up with his head hung low.
He took two steps forward and then he slumped. My father died that morning.

What happens next?
Come back for Part 3 next Saturday!
Please leave a comment below. Thanks for reading!

Please leave me a comment or tweet at me here@adewus4real! Feedback is EVERYTHING~Thanks!

The End.

Part Three next Saturday and ready to drop! @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated.
Thanks for the love and

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · African Fiction · African Stories · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Stories · TheRants

Against Counsel – Part 4

The Last Stop…

Against Counsel
Part IV

It felt like an eternity.
I was staring out the window and watching the cars on the busy street. My eyes would fix on a particular car or person and track them till they moved out of the show.
I didn’t want to turn around.
My eyes were swollen from all the crying I had done in mere minutes.

So here I was for years, fasting and praying that God would give me something from someone who was doing everything within his power to hinder me.
Life.
Tobias broke the silence

“Adeola, let me explain”

I didn’t turn around yet.
He continued

“There is just a lot that I should have told you sooner and I am deeply sorry”

I swallowed hard.
My saliva was thick and I could feel a slight headache coming on, still looking outside the window and without turning, I said

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

He paused and then began to say

“You will never know the amount of guilt and sadness that I have held over the years. I have always wanted to tell….”

I turned and yelled

“Are you kidding me?
9 years Toby! (I called him Toby)
Nine years, I slaved, prayed and bled to give you a child and you couldn’t bring yourself to tell me?!
Are you fucking serious?”

I was barely able to get the words out as I was losing my voice

“Adeola, I promise I never planned to hurt you.
Do you know how it feels to live in a prison of life?
Pretending to be somebody else and trying to convince yourself that you are not who you think you are.
Marrying you was a mistake because I should have known who I was.. Falling in love with you was not one.
You have to believe that I wished I could tell you but I was a coward.
Afraid of what coming out to you would mean. The woman I shared sacred vows with….”

I couldn’t contain my tears but I let his words sit for a few seconds and then I said

“Those vows mean nothing because they were based on a lie.
A vey important lie.
did you always know before we got married that you were not attracted to women?”

 

His face seemed to drop.
He took a deep breath and said

“I had an idea but I was never really sure.
Some people thought it was a phase and that I would grow past it once I got married.
It subsided for a while but ultimately I wasn’t happy.
Not by any fault of ours but because I needed a different kind of love.
I should have told you and the fact that I couldn’t is all on me. Not you”

Honestly I wanted to say more but I was so broken.
This was a rollercoaster ride that I wanted to stop but I couldn’t.
But I had to know

“How long were you with him? And why did you get a vasectomy? We could have still had a child.”

 

He shook his head and said

“No we couldn’t. My count was low.
I had checked a year into our marriage. I also did not want to bring a child into this world to a life of lies and only to be confused.
That would be selfish on another level… As for the partners, I have only had two.
I was with one for about 2years until Abike threatened to expose me to you, if I didn’t stop… and then I started back up about year ago with the boy that works with you.”

I turned sharply towards Abike and screamed

“What?!… You knew he was cheating?! And you didn’t tell me?!”

She looked shell shocked.
Eyes big and wide, she froze.

…..

“Abike! Abike!”

She snapped out of her trance and muffled

“Hmmm”

“What is he saying?!!!”

I snarled back at her.
She was still frozen like a deer in headlights.

“Abike, I swear to God, if you don’t open your mouth….I will slap the shit out of you!”

I yelled at her.
Then she spoke.

“Yes!
I knew. I fucking knew and everyone knew.
We just wondered how you never knew…
….there was one evening when I came to drop something off for you. You had given me the keys because both of you were supposed to be out of town.
I walked in on your husband giving a man a blowjob. I was furious.
I wanted to tell you but you were so happy…so in love…I wasn’t going to be the one to take that away from you.
….And like he said, he apologized and promised he wasn’t going to do it again. I figured we would all move past it and it was a mistake”

 

Now I was angry!

“A mistake? A fucking mistake?
Do you think I would call it a fucking mistake if I walked in on your husband blowing another man?!
A mistake?! Wow… I have never heard anything more stupid in my life!”

She raised her hands in a pacifying motion and said

“Adeola, I said this already.
Nobody wants to be a home wrecker. I didn’t know how to say anything.”

“You are my sister! my fucking sister, Abike!
I don’t care about a stupid home if my own sister cannot tell me when the walls are crashing down.
You betrayed my trust…. I can’t even believe all of this. I just can’t.
This is too much”

I started to move towards the door when Abike said

“Sis Adeola, I am really sorry. Please believe that I am and I Want to to do everything within my power to make this better. If you will just allow me to try.”

I turned around as I grabbed my purse and I said

“You see that is your problem. You all continue to take and give nothing.
I have been there for you in countless ways, I love your children like they are my own.
Yet you have taken all of my happiness from me.
I am at a junction in my life….*tears*…. where I should be leaning on you the most and here I am finding the most heart wrenching things about my life through the lenses of other people.
You are my sister for crying out loud.
….. I am pregnant with a child that I know nothing of his father. For all I know, it could be this one or the Lord visited me in the middle of the night because I know I haven’t been with anyone else.
And I have cancer Abike!
Cancer that I only just found the strength to fight. So no, I will not be giving you any chances to do anything here.”

 

As I tried to leave, Lizzy, who had been standing in the corner started to move towards the door with me.
Tobias reached and tried to hold me.

“Don’t touch me.”

I tearfully said and then I heard Abike’s voice

“Wait!”

I stopped in my tracks.
She continued and said

“Since you are going to be leaving, there is something you should know now.”

Her husband Kunle looked at her very surprised and said

“Really, you want to tell her now?”

She bowed her head and said

“I have to.”

I was intrigued.
I shut the door and turned, holding my purse in front of me with both hands.

“What is it?”

I asked
She was already crying heavily which always broke my heart. She sniffled a few times and then she said

“I know the father of your child”

……

Pause for a second.
Have you ever been in the middle of a bad dream, and something bad was about to happen but you let it play its course, because you knew it was a bad dream?
Okay.
Now, have you ever been wide awake and watching life move right in front of you, like a bad dream?
Like everything that is happening is mortifying and you cannot stop it?

“Who?”

I finally asked
She looked over to her husband and he dropped his head.

“Abike, who?!”

She dropped her head and said

“Kunle”

Tobias charged at him and almost got physical with him.
Abike jumped in between them.
I had to sit down and then she said

“Please don’t hate me.
But Kunle is the father”

I was stunned but confused

“Abike, what are you saying?”

She started to explain

“I have seen first hand your struggle to have a baby.
After I caught Tobias with the man, I confronted him and in there, he told me that he most likely would not be able to have children because his count was low.
I watched you cry and beg God for a child and I know how much you wanted one….

….So I asked Kunle. He was initially against it and he even got angry with me for suggesting it.
But I was able to convince him.
I knew you would never step out of your marriage and I figured Tobias was the problem. So Kunle eventually did it.”

I stood up and I was the one who charged at her.
Tobias and Lizzy grabbed me as I screamed

“What?!
You had your husband rape me?!”

“Noo… nooo…. I just thought that it would be better.
To keep it in the family. I was never going to say anything.
I just wanted you to be happy. I swear that I was never looking to hurt you. I thought I was helping.”

I looked over to Kunle and I asked

“Is this true?”

He nodded.
I really felt violated. Like someone tore open my insides and had it on display for the whole world to see.
Even though it was months later, I still felt like I had been robbed of a certain innocence.
Why?
Why was this happening to me?

What did I ever do to have my life so difficult?
I believe in God and I truly felt like I was doing the right things in life.
This was too much.
I spent my life helping people put their marriages together and here I was losing everything that I built.

I didn’t even know what to say anymore.
I stood up and walked out of the room. Lizzy followed closely.
As we entered the hallway, Abike, Tobias and Kunle followed me. I heard Abike say wait but I kept walking.
She said it again.

I stopped, and tearful I asked

“How?”

She didn’t answer. The hallway had nurses and people that had been listening to all that happened in the room.
I asked her again

“How?!”

She said

“A few times when you came over, I spiked your drink and you were out cold.
I promise, I wasn’t trying to hurt you!”

With heavy tears pouring out of my eyes, I said

“I pray you all rot in hell.”

…….

That afternoon was the last I saw of those three.
Lizzy and I soon came to Atlanta together as I continued treatment.

I remember on our flight from Lagos, I kept thinking of all the signs I missed again.
The waking up sore at Abike’s house or being told not to marry him but ignoring all warnings. I blamed myself.

I went against every counsel as a young woman because I thought I was in love.
Now I am not encouraging anyone to simply accept the advice of anyone that has something to say about your romantic life but certainly evaluate everything.

I felt a certain peace in my heart that Toby was now happy with whoever he wanted to be with and he didn’t have to continue looking over his shoulder.
Love should never feel like a prison.
I felt a new dawn coming for me.
I was very uncertain about how it would all play out but I knew that this time around, I would be directing my own movie- how I wanted to.

“Are you ready?”

Lizzy asked, I nodded and smiled yes.

They wheeled me into the OR shortly after.
The doctor looked at me and said

“Are you sure you want to go through with this?
With your situation, you may never be able to have children of your own”

I nodded and said

“I’m sure”

On July, 21st 2017, I aborted the 4 month pregnancy.

For about an hour that night, I sat down in the shower and I just cried.
I cried so hard.
My hair was falling out from all the chemotherapy and I was feeling weak.
No guilt from the decision I made because I felt it was the right one.
I was never going to bring a child into this world under those circumstances.
The last few months had been nothing short of a rollercoaster ride.

I stood up and dried myself off.
Walking into the living room, Lizzy was walking out of her room as well.
In her hand, she was holding a pregnancy test stick. She had pushed back her wedding after everything that happened to come to Atlanta with me.
She looked at me, I looked at the stick, we looked at each out and my heart warmed.
I walked over to her and hugged her tight.
I couldn’t sobbing as she did the same in my arms.
If this was full circle, I’m glad.
For as long as I lived, I would love that baby like it was mine.
To love, to cherish, to counsel, to adore; against every obstacle and every odd.

The End.

Pleaseeeeeeee leave me a comment and let me know how you felt about this part and the entire series. It means a lot!

Thank you for reading the Against Counsel series with me! I throughly enjoyed writing it for you all and I hope you enjoyed the ride with me. If you hate me for how the ending panned out, I AM HERE FOR IT~ 😊

Another series by The Wordsmith is already cooking! @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated.
Thanks for the love and support.

Stay up

#SanmiSaturdays
© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · African Fiction · African Stories · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Stories · TheRants

Against Counsel – Part 2

I just stood there, staring at them.
Motionless.
I wanted to move, but I couldn’t.
My therapist would later say it was due to the shock I felt and I have to agree.
How could he?
How could he stoop so low?
How could he do that me after everything?

My face was blank as he covered up himself up with the bed sheets.
He stretched out his hands and said,

“Babe, let me explain!”

I didn’t let him finish, instead, I turned to the left towards the man standing there.

Right then it struck me, I knew who he was!

As I turned to him, he ducked and tried to hide his face.

I moved closer to him and said,

“Turn the fuck around!”

He failed to move.

I walked up behind him and placed my hand on the back of his right shoulder and made him turn around.

I was right. I knew him, I just wasn’t sure where from.

I squinted while I looked at him and said,

“Where do I know you from?”

His head down and turned away. As he turned, it struck me.

My eyes grew big as I gasped,

“Aren’t you Susan’s brother?!”

He turned and bolted for his clothes. Susan was one of my employees and her brother had interned for me a few years prior.

I started laughing sarcastically as my husband approached me.

“You are such a dog!
Worse than the filth of this Earth! Oh my God!
How did I ever think to marry you?”

I headed for the door as he reached for me. His left arm touched me. I turned and screamed,

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!!!”

I stormed out of the room.

On my way out of the house, I stopped by the living room and grabbed my iPhone charger.
It wasn’t until after I had been held up in traffic and driving for about 10 minutes, that I began to I broke down.
Tears were streaming down my face, I felt broken.
Shattered.

I kept asking myself  two questions, “Why?” and “What will people think of me?”

I felt like my world was crumbling around me.
I was so lost in thought that I didn’t realize when traffic started moving. The car behind me honked, and I stepped on the gas a little too hard and I bumped into the car in front of me.

…..

I called my driver who I had just dismissed earlier when I stormed out of the house.
The person I hit was yelling at me hysterically. It made sense, especially since the car he was driving belonged to his boss.

I tried to calm him down but he wouldn’t stop yelling. Cars were squeezing around us to get through.
I just wanted to get out of there.

“Madam! I no know how you go do am but you must pay me o. My oga (boss) go kill me!!”, he hysterically wailed at me.

Frustrated, I took a deep sigh and asked,

“How much will be enough to cover this?”

He stopped and looked at me,

“Madam, me I no know o but you go pay for am.”

I turned to my driver and said,

“Adamu, go with him to the mechanic. I will call my assistant to meet you there. She will handle the bill once the car is fixed.”

He nodded and said,

“Madam, you sure sey you go dey okay?”

I nodded while waving him off. I turned to the driver of the car I hit and asked,

“That one go dey okay?”

He shyly nodded as his face was washed with relief.

They both jumped into the other car and headed off.
I returned to my car and headed for a nearby hotel that my husband and I frequently used on date nights.
I just needed some quiet so I could think.

As my back touched the bed, I curled up into a ball and it felt like my mind began doing a full highlight reel of my life with my husband.
Every situation and circumstance we had experienced. I couldn’t begin to understand what was going on.
My heart began to go through different phases. There was betrayal, then anger, then I felt guilt and embarrassment.

“Maybe this was my fault for not giving him children.”, I thought to myself.
But that would not explain him being with a man.

Another wave of tears came about, I had been with a man that was a liar and a fraud.
How could I have been so stupid?
I pretty much cried myself to sleep that night.

When I opened my eyes, it was 9am.
I was typically up before 5am on most days. I was clearly exhausted.

I had my clothes from my trip to Ghana, so I freshened up and decided that I would go about my day.
The one thing I was sure of was that if I stayed balled in, I would only think about my problems.
So I decided to immerse myself into my work, with the hopes of getting better.

I showed up at the office with my sunglasses on as I walked through the building.
No one was going to see the pain in my eyes.
I met with my first clients of the day, shortly after 11am.

They were a couple going through a divorce. A huge part of providing therapy for anyone is always being able to check your countertransference.
As they discussed their issues with me, I found myself doubting every word that came out of the man’s mouth.
I could just hear the words my husband said at our last session, coming out of his mouth like it was a voice over….

“I would never leave you for another woman…”

Carefully put by a bastard who had mastered playing the lines.
Yes, he did not leave me for a man but he thought it was okay to be with another man?

My mind had wandered and I snapped back into the present.
I don’t even remember giving any advice to that couple that day, I just wanted them to be honest with themselves.

I said to both of them, “This will only work if the two of you are truly and completely honest with each other.
Not even seeing me will help if the other is still holding back.”

That was the crux of what I said before I sent them on their way.
I was responding to emails when I heard a knock on the door.

“Come in.” ,I said in an even tone.
The door drifted open and I looked up. It was my husband.

Filled with disgust, I asked, “What are you doing here?”

He shut the door behind him and he got down on his knees as he said, “Please let me explain.”

I could not believe this man.

I stood up and yelled, “Explain what…?!
How you cheated on me with another man?
How you lied to my face in months of therapy?
How long have you been taking it up your ass? Huh…?! How long have you been exposing me to diseases and disrespect…? Tell me!
Is that what you came to explain…?

…we were supposed to be in this together. To prove the world wrong and show that true love perseveres.
Everything I preach and teach my clients is a lie! All because of you and your selfish ass.
I pray you rot in hell. I have nothing more to say to you.
Get out of my office!”

He stayed on the floor and just looked up at me for mercy.
Mercy didn’t live here.
I knew no mercy and I say this to you now, if I could, I would have killed him.

He stretched out his hands like a beggar in Ojodu and said, “Please find it in your heart to forgive me.”

Those words set me off.

“Forgive you?!
Forgive you???
No, I need to find a way to forgive myself for the mistake of marrying you. Since you won’t leave, I’ll leave for you.”

I grabbed my purse, car keys and made my way for the door.
As I approached him, he stood up and grabbed me.
Those strong arms that once protected me, felt like a prison I could not break free from.

“Let me go! Tobias, let me gooooo!
Let me go.. let me goo… let meeeee gooooo!!”

I broke down in tears in his arms as he held the back of my head.
I cried in his arms and he held on to me. A part of it felt familiar and also unclean.
A few moments passed and I pushed him off.
Teary eyes, I looked up to him and said, “You fucked me over. I never did anything to deserve this!”

I stormed out of my office and caught the eye of Lizzy, my assistant as I headed out.
I paused and said, “You can reach me on my cell for any urgent matters but please reschedule all my appointments for the week and help me look into a ticket to London for next week. Thanks.”

She forced a smile as I walked out.

Lizzy was a true confidant and as I headed out, I felt like I trusted her more than I trusted myself.

As I drove away, I selected the late Fela Anikulapo Kuti’s album “Gentleman”.
Windows down, shades on, tears streaming down my cheeks – I blasted one of the truly legendary albums ever released out of Africa.
Straight to my sister’s house, I went. I needed a lifting.
I needed my nieces.

……

Nobody was home when I arrived.
I parked on the side of the street and just sat on the front steps.
Gazing into the settling evening, I must have been sitting there for about 4 hours.

I heard their footsteps as they turned the corner, my nieces ran up to me and hugged me.
Their parents followed closely behind.
As my sister approached me, she said, “How long have you been sitting there?”

I smiled and lied, “Not too long. How are you guys?!”

I redirected my attention to my nieces. Off they went!

Chattering about their day and everything colorful within it. Bliss.
As we entered the living room, they headed to their rooms to finish their homework and then come out to play.

My sister and I sat down in the living room. Her husband turned on the television and flipped through the sports channels.

She turned and asked me point blank, “What is wrong?”

A part of me wanted to lie but I couldn’t anymore.

I dropped my head for a moment, took in a deep breath. I looked up and said, “Tobias has been cheating on me”

She gasped.

Her husband turned around and looked towards us. He stepped back from the television and came to sit next to me.

She gathered herself and said, “Sis, I am so sorry to hear that…
…Are you okay?
How did you find out…?”

I smiled and fought back tears as I said, “Let’s just say I found out.”

My sister patted my back and simultaneously rubbed it as she said, “You know you are always welcome to come and stay here with us.”

I nodded and replied, “That won’t be necessary. I am already staying somewhere.”

She knew better than to argue with me.

I gave them some more updates on my trip to Ghana and the last 12 hours of my day with him coming to my office.

As I wrapped up, I asked, “Where are the girls?”

My sister replied and said, “They are finishing up their homework. They should be done soon.
…In the meantime, can I get you anything to drink? Water, juice, wine, whiskey…?”

She motioned and smiled as she walked towards the kitchen.
I smiled at her trying to cheer me up and said, “Whiskey. On the rocks.”

“Alrighty! Babe, what about you?”,she asked her husband.

“A beer is okay babe.”

She disappeared into the kitchen.

As the kitchen door closed, her husband moved closer to me and said, “I am sorry Adeola. I can’t even begin to understand how hard this must be for you”

He paused and said,“This doesn’t change much for me though, I still think you need to tell him.”

I looked at him in confusion and said, “Why would I need to tell him that? Why would I even tell anyone that right now?”

He sighed and said, “I understand that it is hard for you but you have to tell him. You need to tell the people you love. They deserve to know.”

As those words sailed off, my sister was halfway into the room.

She said, “Tell us what.”

I looked up and saw the uncertainty written all over her face.

I looked at her husband, her and then sighed before saying, “I have stage IV ovarian cancer.”

Before I could finish my sentence, the glass in her hand dropped and shattered all over the floor.

At that very same moment, from the corner of my eye, I saw my nieces burst into the living room.

It all happened like it was in slow motion but the farthest from it, my life was a rollercoaster ride at it was about to fly off the tracks.

Be back here on Saturday 7-29-17 for Part 3 of this gripping series; Against Counsel

 

Against Counsel – Part 2 by The Wordsmith @adewus4real

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