#WhatTheHeckMan · 6lack · African · African Fiction · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Nigerian Writers · Sex · Stories

Lipstick Stain

Part 1

6lack – Unfair

Somehow I could feel myself on the brink of consciousness.
I was a teenager trying to sneak back into the house after a promiscuous night.
I wanted more – sleep.
It felt like if I continued to hear my surroundings, I would lose out on that beauty sleep.
It had been a while since I properly slept. Weeks almost, actually, maybe even months.
And here I was enjoying this day in my 1000 thread count sheets and I was waking up.
I laid there with my eyes trying to adjust to the brightness that enveloped the room through the high windows.

Turning to the left on my side of the bed which was closer to the wall, I stretched out.
As I finished yawning, I looked to the foot of the table and I was met with a glare.

“Shush”

She said.
I smirked back and blew her an apologetic kiss before falling back into the bed.
My eyes were glued to the ceiling and for a quick moment, it felt like what I had always dreamt off.
The woman of my dreams in our home that we built together and filled with love.
I smiled and closed my eyes.
I was about to fall asleep again.

The last words I heard were

“Hi guys! Welcome to my channel…”

I smiled and my eyes closed.

…..

When I reopened my eyes, it was almost evening time.
The room smelled like fresh stew, so I assumed Lade had cooked.
A part of me was excited to eat but as I got up. She looked at me and said

“Oh thank God, you finally decided to wake up… we are going to be late, you need to start getting ready”

I reached over with my left hand and grabbed my phone. It was 4:37pm.
I had been sleeping for 6 hours.

“Babe, why didn’t you wake me?”

I whined.
She smiled and replied as she applied her concealer over her dark spots

“Akin, you needed to sleep. So I let you sleep.
Now you need to get up and get ready, so we can leave because I do not want us to be late”

I heard the reasoning in her voice but I wanted to fight it.

So I said

“But do I really have to go?”

My eyes caught hers as those final words left my mouth.
She launched that famous glare at me again and said

“Don’t even start with me tonight. You know this is important to me.
So please get up and get dressed.
Your suit is hanging in the closet and there is some rice in the microwave. Oya stand up”

Grumpily, I forced myself up and walked to the kitchen. Somehow I allowed the entire Saturday to pass me by.
I am not sure if I was really upset about going out with her as much as I was upset by the fact that I was missing Premier League games.
I was going to need to let it go though.
After all, this was a big night for my wife of 6 months.
She was nominated for the Future Awards Africa under the New Media category and I was so proud of her.
So as much as I couldn’t stand the paparazzi and just being outdoors, I decided to go with her.

The rice was so spicy but so delicious.
I kept drinking water to quell my burning taste buds, these Yoruba women.
Less than an hour later, we were out the door.

The night was typical. Red carpet, some small talk with some industry folks and then quickly the spotlight was firmly set on her as it should.
I found my way to the bar and got a drink before making it to our seat.
It actually was a decent night, now that I think about it.
But it got drastically different when my wife won.
When her name was called, I couldn’t believe it.
You never really do. As a supporter of a loved one, I think you always temper your expectations in the event that the other shoe drops.
Both of you can’t be blindsided.
I remember her “thank you” speech like it was five minutes ago.
She thanked God, her family, team, friends but not me.
I honestly didn’t think too much about it because I assumed that me being directly in front of her, made it easy to forget me.

…..

As we pulled up to the celebration dinner after the show, I noticed that she still had her drink in the door of the car.

“You’re supposed to have finished drinking that already?”

I whined.
She smiled, picked up the bottle and downed what was left of it. I knew it was going to be a good night.
We walked into the venue and I suggested that we grab drinks before the show started.
We snuck into the connected bar and sat by the bar.

I asked the bartender to surprise me with my drink and I think she ordered a Red Bull.
We took our drinks and headed into the main auditorium, the show was about to start.
As we approached the door, we got stopped and took some pictures.

I could tell how beautiful she looked by the stank eyes most of the men flashed at me. She kept beaming that smile behind me and I was all here for it.
We sat right next to each other but I turned her seat, so her back was to me? and we faced the stage.
The entire show, bar when she was on her phone, my hands were on her bum.
I couldn’t wait for us to get out of there.

The show was fun. Lots of laughs, improv nights were always my favorite.
We walked out talking about threesomes – we had seen a lady with a beautiful butt. So beautiful.
I can’t remember who suggested it but we ended up at a club, a few drinks and fist pumping, I was ready to go. I had wanted to jump her bones since she was putting her makeup on at home.

We made it to the car and I couldn’t wait to get us home. She was playing music and we were having a great time in the car and then she asked

“How far away from the house are we?”

I nonchalantly replied

“About 5 minutes”

I smiled and once we hit a red light, I leaned over and kissed her.
Then I slid my right hand up her skirt. She couldn’t concentrate.
Her legs started shaking and her breathing short. I slid her panties to the side and began rubbing her clit.
She was squirming while I was trying to keep the car steady.
What the fuck?
I could feel the chills rising up her back. I wanted to devour but we were almost home.
I remember veering out of my lane and the car beeping to alert me.
I was alert alright, her pink was ready for a beating.
To cap it off, I removed my hand, looked at her and licked her juices off my fingers.

As we pulled in the parking lot, I quickly parked.
I could hear Lil Wayne’s verse on The Motto playing in the background as I reclined her seat.
I leaned in as if I was about to kiss her. She was wrong.
I reached up her skirt and pulled her panties down.
Kissed her on the forehead and hopped out of the car.
She was soooooooo angry!
Like wtf?!

As she got closer, she realized I was holding her panties to my nose.
We entered the house and she sat down on the couch, I made her a drink and pulled down her pants.
I was ready to go.

Her moans were my favorite part. Her hands rubbing through my hair as she cursed and told me

“This is the best head ever”

My inner freak smiled.
I stroked and slurped down her pink, soaking my beard and her dripping on to my leather couch.
I wanted to be deep in her pink and in her guts.
She tried to fight it but wasn’t very successful.
She pushed me off and I walked her back to the room.

I climbed on the bed and she planted her dripping pussy on my face before leaning forward and taking in my throbbing member – 69.
It was wet on both ends of the coast as we feasted on each other.
I pushed her off as I was about to cum, there was a full length mirror at the foot of our bed, I caught a glimpse of myself.
As I laid down, I spread her legs wide, lowered my member into her and started slow.
Cupping her head in my hands and protecting it from the head board, I thrust in and out.
The pace picked up and my profanity did as well.
I gripped on her thighs as the depths my member plunged into got deeper and deeper.
I could see the love and lust in her eyes.
I was pounding it like candied yams and loving it.

I flipped her over – her pink was pulsing. It was ready.
She arched her back and tooted her cake towards me. I licked my lips as I slid in.
I could still feel how wet my balls were as they slammed into her clit.
I grabbed the shit out of her waist and I went to work. It was as if we hadn’t seen each other in 3 months.
I kept at it and so did she, throwing it back like a third draft of a senior thesis.

I could feel myself welling up and getting ready to explode.
So she wrapped her legs around my butt.
I was leaning all the way into her, she was almost falling off the bed as I pounded her pleading pussy.
I wanted it. More of it.
All of it.
I didn’t stop.
She wouldn’t let me stop.
Just as she thought was about to let go, she looked back, damn near from the floor and yelled

“Fill me up”

Boom.
I let go and pumped her full of my heated relatives.
We lay there for a few minutes as I curled up next to her panting for air.
She turned over and said

“Where are my panties?”

I smiled and said

“You’re never getting them back”

…..

“Hey Akin, did you move the money from the First bank account?”

I didn’t turn my head but I answered

“yeah. I moved it to the UBA.
Why?”

She rolled her eyes and scoffed as she said

“Why?
I was going to use it”

Her words weren’t aligning with me. I turned my head to her and with a concerned look, I said

“Use it?

What do you mean ‘use it’?
What were you going to use 3 million for?”

She snapped back

“Why are you questioning me?”

Now I was even more concerned because I wasn’t sure where all of this was coming from.
I looked at her closely and said

“Why am I questioning you about OUR money?
I’m so confused right now”

She didn’t reply and she stormed out of the room.
We had enough, money that is. In different accounts in Nigeria and even in the US and UK, so I wasn’t sure why she was upset and why she thought it was okay to spend that much money without me knowing or signing off on it.
I went back to watching the Sunday night preview of the upcoming soccer games.
A few minutes later, she stormed back in and said

“If this was for you and your boys to go and buy bottles at Quilox, you won’t be asking me who’s money it is o.
Now you are asking me stupid questions. Or if it was to go and flash it for small Lagos girls or Unilag girls, you won’t remember it’s OUR money then”

Something struck a nerve. And I was about to go off.

“Lade, what are you fucking talking about right now?
What is wrong with you? Can I just watch my games in peace?
Don’t you have something else to do.”

She looked dressed to go out but it appeared the situation had her reconsidering.
She walked up to my face as I sat on the couch and snapped the remote control. In one motion, the television was off.
I took a deep breath and I asked again,

“Lade what is all this?”

She replied

“You are a useless man with no backbone and you think you can walk all over me because you are a man”

None of this was making sense to me. So I said

“Please stop.”

It was like “stop” replaced the effect of “calm down” . She went off and began yelling at the top of her lungs.

“Stop what, stop what! You must let me say what I need to say”

I knew my wife and this conversation was only going down hill.
So I walked to the dining table, snatched my keys and I left my house. I first picked up my friend Dare in Ikoyi before we headed to Surulere.
The evening got better.
We talked and compared marriages notes while watching the games.

By the time the games were over, it was already 2am.
I don’t even remember how I got home but I did. I knew she was in the bedroom, so I went straight to the couch and I just slumped into it. She was probably still mad at me anyways, best option was to just avoid her.
The five or six bottles of Orijin I had plus what we smoked had me feeling pretty good.
I kicked off my shoes and that was the last I remembered.

The next morning, I woke up at about 7am.
Sluggishly, I walked into our bedroom. It was really quiet, I figured that she had left before I got up.
I took my clothes off and pulled my towel off the rack as I walked into the bathroom.
Stark naked, what my eyes saw felt like something out of a Game of Thrones scene.
There was blood everywhere and my wife’s lifeless body in the tub.
I was standing in it with my bare toes. I was in such shock, I couldn’t think but I noticed shell casing right outside the tub.
My mind began to race, I immediately connected one dot.
I turned and headed back into the room, bloodied feet and all. I bent down next to my side of the bed and pulled out a lock box.
My hands were shaking as I opened it up.
My gun was missing.

I knew I was completely fucked.

Glad to be back and writing again!
This series is going to be a lot of fun. I promise you. Please leave me a comment and share how you felt this part. Means a lot. Thanks!

 

PLEASE COMMENT. 

~Part 2 drops next Saturday! Do not miss it~

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#SanmiSaturdays

© 2018 #WhatTheHeckMan

Fiction

Monday Motivation from Genevieve Nnaji

From Naija To L.A

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I started this blog four years ago because I dreamt of a time where Nigerian entertainment, be it music or movies would be recognised on par with entertainment from the west. There has been tremendous progress over the years but finally we have our first Nigerian movie acquired by Netflix. The streaming giant purchased the worldwide rights, making Lionheart its first originals film from Nigeria.

Netflix has slowly been acquiring licences to Nigerian movies over the years and have streamed movies such as The Wedding Party, The Arbitration, Fifty and October 1st.

The movie starring and directed by Nnaji premiered at the Toronto Film Festival and was nominated for The Toronto International Film Festival Grolsch People’s Choice Award.

Lionheart is a comedy about Adaeze (played by Nnaji) trying to save her dad’s failing business. Lionheart highlights the sexism that is still rife in Nigeria and puts a spin on…

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#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday

Are You Giving?

WordsOfWednesday

Are You Giving?

There was never a time when I dated just for fun.
Maybe when I had a FWB – friends with benefits situation but even then, I wasn’t dating the person.
Since my second relationship, I have had less than 5 o! 😂
I feel like I have always dated with a purpose – long-term commitment/marriage.

As I have gotten older, that has become the case even more than ever.
Whenever I meet someone or get approached or however it happens sha, I immediately start thinking.
Do we align?
Will we be good together?
What does she have going for her?
How much has she invested into her human capital?

This year, I started with a refocus.
I am not entirely sure how it happened but it needed to happen.
I started thinking, what do I bring to others?

Have you ever decided not to let someone in or invest in someone because they didn’t have or bring enough?
That was me but then I started thinking, since you are further on your journey, why not invest?
Be a giver, a builder.
Givers never lack they say but givers are also never “sad or needing”.

I started to think back to my relationships and friendships.
In the situations where I was giving more of myself, I was happier and I felt more fulfilled.
But if you are holding your cards waiting for the other person to swipe first, you never get to invest.

I’m writing this at the barbershop right now and a barber is talking to two guys about a new girl he is dating.
He talks about how much he likes her and how she has expanded his outlook on the world- encouraged him to travel, start reading again and putting money into his 401k.
Unintentionally, she has invested in him.

One of the guys he is talking to says
“oh she works at Chevron? She a career woman,
That’s a winner-winner chicken dinner”
Suggesting that he had hit it big with getting a great woman.
That brings me back to what we are talking about – giving.

At no point in their conversation did he allude to what he was bringing to her life.
Not to say that he isn’t bringing anything but the question is, why do we always start from a place of receiving and not giving?
We always start with what we are getting and not what we are giving.
This is not limited to relationships. This goes for friendships as well.
What are you giving?

I challenge you today, in every friendship or relationship; start from a place of giving.
Think more about the love you have to give, the support, the time, prayers and everything else.
Give more of you.
And especially to God. Give your praise, your loyalty, dedication, faith and holiness.
Don’t always think about receiving first.

You are filled with amazing gifts, start with giving. Sometimes you spend all your time waiting for others to love you how you want to be loved, that you don’t even get to show how you can love as well.
Give the best of you – not foolishly.
But I have decided, I will give more than I receive.
I will love harder, be patient, spontaneous, forgiving and just feel good about giving. If I receive back directly, fine.
If not, I’ll understand it’s not a reflection of me.
Thanks for reading another #WordsOfWenesday. Till next time, stay up!

 

Thanks for reading as always!

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#WordsOfWednesday
© 2018 #WhatTheHeckMan

 

#WordsofWednesday

Midterms – The Year So Far…

#WordsOfWednesday

Midterms


I hated midterms in high school but I also loved them.

They came at the right time. When you needed a re-up or change in scenery or just a damn break!

But they also force you to look back and then look ahead.

Most importantly, they forced you to stop and think.

 

Sooo, what does The Wordsmith do when he can’t sleep?

He writes.

 

It is exactly 3:15am as my fingers strike the keyboard of my Macbook. I reference my MacBook, not to flex (trust me, some people would think that) but because the battery needs replacing. Can barely hold a charge.

It is important to get but not the most important thing in my life right now.

I’ll speak on this idea some more in a bit.

 

2018 is my Sink or Swim year. If you have not read my WordsOfWednesday about it, please do so HERE.

I decided in December last year while sitting in my cousin’s house in Lagos that I was going to change my approach to my life this year.

How you ask?

 

For starters, I was going to gamble on myself.

Since I graduated college in 2012, I have typically played it safe. Calculated moves and trying to stay on the side of not getting hurt – not just emotionally.

This year, I decided things would be different.

Thankfully, I was blessed with a great job in the last quarter of 2017. So I decided, 2018 would be the year I stop living from paycheck to paycheck.

 

I was going to take ownership of my finances, my relationships, my faith, fitness, and creativity.

So how have I done so far?

 

Finances

 

In 2017 alone, I traveled to the following places.

Atlanta, New York (2x), Los Angeles, Houston, Nigeria, Europe (6 countries) – at least those are the ones I remember off the top of my head.

 

Without a doubt, all of my travel last year cost me no less than $10,000 – $12,000. Between flights, hotels, car, rentals, money spent on location and such.

 

So you will understand why this year, as of July 3rd, 2018 I have only been to Los Angeles and Houston.

LA to see my brother and Houston for my cousin’s wedding.

Looking at my finances, I could quickly tell that travel was where things were hurting me the most.

Now don’t get me wrong, I would not trade any of my experiences from last year for anything. I loved getting out there and seeing the world but I am going to be 28 in January, this is the year to set up the rest of my life.

 

So I decided, less travel and less credit card debt.

 

This year alone I have now:

 

Paid off in credit card debt as of June 30th – $5700

Sent my parents on vacation – $2600+

Spent fixing and registering my car – $2200

 

Honestly, I cannot tell you how I have done it so far.

Actually I can. I have obsessed over every detail. Before I buy something, I ask myself is this a “NEED” or a “WANT”

Most times, I realize that whatever I am thinking about is something I can do without.

I was so broke last year that something had to change.

 

This year, I am on a budget. Here are some ways I have improved my financial health.

 

  • I cook lunches from home. Eating out at work will hurt you. That postdates delivery charge? Total it for two weeks. Pot of stew right there.
  • I find bargains in everything. I still shop o. Don’t get me wrong (matter of fact if I didn’t shop this year, I might have even been able to pay down one more credit card but lets not loud it).

But I look through the sale section and I buy things out of season. Snatched up a coat a few weeks ago for 80% off. Look out for it’s debut in October.

  • I have a weekly budget. A weekly budget is soooooo important.
  1. it just helps to keep you in check.
  2. It allows you to prioritize what is really important.

My weekly budget is $50. This is for everything that is NOT gas or food for the house.

So if you are asking me to come out or do this or that, make sure it is in the budget, otherwise?

I am staying my ass at home.

 

  • I DON’T GO OVER BUDGET. It can be tempting but train yourself to stay within budget.
  • I set short-term goals. It can be daunting to look at your whole financial situation and think “where do I start?”

Trust me, I thought the same thing too but you have to just start.

Start with the smaller cards or debts. Knock them out. If you can prioritize one every month. Inch away at it.

Before you know it, the outlook is looking a lot better.

  • Understand that it is a marathon, not a sprint. The financial mess I got myself in was 4 years in the making. 6 months wont undo it all but it surely is a start.

One that I am making strides on and you can too.

 

Relationships

TRASH.

Yup. I have been trash.

 

I feel like I need a reboot for the year when it comes to relationships but yeah. It’s all good.

I am not happy (in this department) and I don’t even want to try.

You ever had such bad experiences that you are just like, “why bother?”

 

Yeah, that’s me right now.

 

Faith

I was mad at the church and mad at God for much of last year.

I feel the Nigerian church has a unique way of alienating young people (more on this in a few weeks). So I stayed away for most of it and gave up one thing I really love doing – praising God.

 

Late last year, someone told me “your service is for God and not them, do not let being mad at them push you away from giving God what He deserves.”

I am a lot better this year.

Not where I want to be at all but much closer. Serving, being patient and looking for new ways to improve my relationship with Him.

Things are looking up.

 

Fitness

Short and sweet – down 17lbs since I started working out and eating “better” on April 1st.

I can still do better but I’ll keep working.

Hoping to hit the 30lbs mark by the end of the summer.

 

How am I doing it?

 

Monday – No gym. I have my show in the evenings, so yeah.

Tuesday – Back and Biceps

Wednesday – Shoulders and Triceps

Thursday – Rest day

Friday – Chest and light legs/cardio

Saturday – Rest plus I have choir practice, so yeah.

Sunday – Chest and abs

 

I work abs into everyday but on Sunday, I do a full ab circuit.

 

Btw, who wants to join me for a weight loss challenge? Let’s drop 10lbs in July.

You with me?

 

Creativity

 

I haven’t done as much as I would want.

I need to expand more on this. The book I am writing though.

I will blow your mind. Simple.

 

WATCH THIS SPACE!

 

As you can see from my goals I wrote late last year/early this year, I have accomplished some but a lot is left to be worked on.

I challenge you, outline your goals, even the ones that don’t have a hard deadline and start working on them.

Start now.

It will be tough. Really tough but you can do it.

And I am here to help along the way if you need me. We are family.

 

We will all eventually get there.

I trust we will.

 

So what midterm grade would I give myself this year so far?

Finances: A-

Relationships: F

Faith: B

Fitness: A

Creativity: C+

 

Overall score: N*GGA GET YOUR ASS BACK TO WORK! With your score giving ass!

 

Lol, I am doing well. Better will come because if you know me, you know I never settle for mediocre.

Thank you for being here and holding me accountable.

 

How are you doing in 2018 so far?

Leave me a comment below, let’s work together.

 

Thanks for reading as always!

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#WordsOfWednesday
© 2018 #WhatTheHeckMan

 

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday

Convenient Christian 3

#WordsOfWednesday

Convenient Christian – 2014
https://wp.me/p3GjtC-l5

Convenient Christian 2 – 2015
https://wp.me/p3GjtC-nE

Convenient Christian 3

I know your word
I remember the stories
The ones I was taught as a toddler
I google verses before I tweet
My love for you is weak
Even though you love me with all my sin
I know your names
Many as they are
But sometimes I am not sure you remember who I am
It’s in the beauty of the love
That you love me regardless of what I have to give
You give me everything and I am nothing without you
So why do I treat you like an option
When you treat me like a priority

I nibble at your love
Like a child picking through their dinner plate
The vegetables are like the meat of your truth
I seem to ignore the commandments that make me feel uncomfortable
The ones that challenge me
But righteous I am on the Twitter pages
Yet finding the book is harder than finding the book of Ruth
Tithing is a pain
Vacationing is a must have
Sex is conditional
My member will rise
But my face will frown at the next church-wide fast
I know how to call on you when I truly need you
Right before that job interview
Or big board meeting

I love to love you in my bio
I display captions as testimonies of your blessings
But do I really worship you for what you give
That which doesn’t seem IG worthy
I’ll make it to the club before 11pm because it’s free
But late into your house because no one can talk to me
The things of the world that don’t love me
Get more love from me
Happiness is fleeting
Because it is not rooted in you
So I show the highlights to the world
But I crave your filling in private
I had your number
Even the password
But I tried to get in half-heartedly so many times
I’ve locked myself out
Open up, please
I may never admit it to the world
But I am in need
Of you

It is not all doom and gloom
Because believe it
Your blessings that I never truly deserve
Still make me a testimony
And that’s why I love you so much
Because you love me
Even when I am faithless and unfaithful
You stand for me
Protect me
You fight for me
Like I am your last asset
You found me
I’m so glad that you found me
Please pull me in closer
Help me focus truly on you
Fill me up
Because no matter how I try to pretend
Bo noo ni.

2016 and 2017, I did not write an edition of Convenient Christian. I started writing it as a reflection on my life, my walk and my journey.
A reminder that my flaws were glaring and my shortcomings were high.
I needed to plainly show how much I was cutting corners.

You probably read it and found yourself in there too.
Some of it stuck, some obviously not but you were in there with me. A convenient Christian.
Paul said “…that which I should do, are the hardest for me to do”
I yearn to be much better than I currently am and I find myself slipping, falling and sometimes just being too damn, yeah you guessed right – convenient.

Over the last few weeks, I have felt a heaviness in my soul.
Not just in my heart, my soul. It was so bad that it crippled my body. I would wake up heavy but empty.
Alive but feeling dead.
Broken and bleeding.

I tried everything. Writing, going out, drinking and other things that typically brought temporary happiness.
Nothing worked.
Until I turned to the surest location.
God.

I cried and felt the weight lifted.
I realized that for a few years, I had been searching for happiness in the wrong things.
My blog, my show, my friendships, follower counts, how many people like me, how much money I was making, how impactful I became.
You see, all of was fleeting. Don’t get me wrong, I would still love to prosper in all those things but after a while, they just never filled me up.

I was going into relationships/friendships/dating with the intention of becoming whole.
Trying to see what they would pour into me, but two people with half-full cups cannot conduct holy communion.
It was never going to work.
It then became a chess match, who was willing to give up their position.
Instead of tapping into an endless well of love and fulfillment.

It was weird yo.
Like I would be so high off something and then this dark cloud would set over me.
Wiping out everything. I have seen depression. We know each other but then I started to think about the last time I was actually truly happy.
Like really really happy. And that made me sad.

Because we don’t see God, it is easy to not take him as serious. Or chop and change what parts of his presence, we want to take seriously.
It is a mistake.
It is insanely important to devote all to him. ALL.
We cut corners, ignore certain parts of the bible or the truth. We fight his word because we know it robs us of the convenience that comes with being average in our walks.
Excuses for everything, I even blamed my church as annoying as they are, as the reason I want going to serve.
Pathetic.

As I write this, this year, it is a damning call to action for me.
I have fucked up.
This year was meant to be my “take back my happiness year”. It has been positive in many notes but flat on others.
This year, this piece is a call to action.
To stand up for what is right. To give up my seat and tough it out.
To be counted.
To step out of the shadows.
To stop being a fucking convenient Christian – sorry Jesus, I’m working on it. I promise.

Will you be stepping out of your convenient position? Any actionable first steps.
Share in the comment section below.

 

I’ll also leave you with this song that has been jolting my heart for a few weeks. The words are everything I love about God.
No one else but…


Bo Noo Ni (feat. Luigi Maclean) by Joe Mettle

Love always,

The Wordsmith.

Thanks for reading as always!

New series out on Saturday!
Please watch this space!

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#WordsOfWednesday
© 2018 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday

Guilty as Charged

#WordsOfWednesday

Guilty as Charged

Introspection, self reflection, growth – those are some of the popular buzz words that we have come to know.
It’s amazing how much interacting with people at varying levels of self work, can aid ones journey.

Most of those words and the actual processes that come with them, are typically explored by people during a few life altering events.
A change in the life trajectory
A “Na me fuck up” moment

None of us are perfect and you should only be down on yourself if you notice that you are not growing or better yet, evolving.

Growing up, I always watched how my parents handled their growth.
They would always spend time looking back at themselves.
I know mine was initially connected to my sense of self worth. I always wanted to make sure I was being a person that I would be proud of but as I continue to advance in life, I know sometimes you will lapse.

Today, we live in a world where we a lot of our lives are lived in the public eye of social spaces.
Things like dismantling patriarchy, feminism, and the #MeToo movement have challenged men and women to reflect on who they really are. And even more so, to be better.

So it is not alien to see the buzz words I led with. People are daily exploring their truth.
One of the things that I love about myself is that I don’t like to lie to myself but one thing I love more than that?
I come to terms with my realities quickly.
I make peace with my decisions and in places where there is room for retribution or amendments, I take them.

I find that people typically don’t want to be honest with themselves and worse, they continue to live in the wrongs they have done.
Maybe my view is somehow connected to faith as I grew up in the church but I forgive myself, seek forgiveness for my behavior and move on.

Some people want you to wallow in your wrongs until they are ready to forgive or forget those wrongs. No.
As long as you are able to hold yourself accountable (I just had to throw it in there 😂)
you do not have to dwell in the valleys of your past.

Then you have the people that have done wrong but will not forgive themselves and continue to parade their sins.
The thing about processes like growth, introspection, reflection and others is that they are solemn and lonely journeys. Their manifestation comes from improved behavior.
Some people admit their fuckups but want to use it as a reference point for the rest of their lives.
Not repeatedly tweeting “I used to be like this…”
Be new and let your behaviors be the announcement of your newness.

I know there is guilt carried for past behaviors and people you may have hurt. I also know that you cannot demand that people forgive or forget your wrongs based on your own timetable.
One thing I believe though is that you should forgive yourself before anyone does.
Forgive yourself and don’t confine yourself to a guilty verdict for life.

 

Thanks for reading as always!

New series out on Saturday!
Please watch this space!

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#WordsOfWednesday
© 2018 #WhatTheHeckMan

 

#WordsofWednesday

Fear.

#WordsOfWednesday

Fear.

I was circling the area and trying to find a parking spot. I noticed one down the way and drove up to it.
From the driver’s side of my car, I tried to gauge if my car would fit into the spot.
I decided against parking there and drove further down the street. I was so sure there was another spot open.
There wasn’t.
By the time, I came back, yup! You guessed it right?
The spot was gone.
Another car, that looked similar to mine, took the gamble and parallel parked into the spot.
There I was, with nothing.

Fear is not an alien concept to many of us.
It comes from learned behaviors. You touch fire it burns, so you learn to not touch a name flame again.
You fall for a Yoruba man, well I don’t think I need to explain any further.
Fear hinders but it also protects.
People often fail to recognize how much it allows us to safeguard ourselves from hurt.
But is it possible that you can be too guarded that you hurt yourself even more?

I have loved before and been hurt.
More than I would like to admit and more than anyone is willing to understand.
Those heartbreaks sent me into a spiral and it doesn’t help that people never want to travel down your hurt with you. They just want to know why you ungratefully never appreciate the love they have to give you.
I admire people that love freely.
Though they are gamblers. They gamble on their hearts and hope their checks balance.
Some of us, intentionally or otherwise, hold fear. That fear prevents us from gambling recklessly.
People try to act as if love is a sweet easy move.
It’s a choice. A deliberate choice.
But it is also a gamble.
A gamble that it will go right, more than it is likely to go wrong.

Fear drove me to God.
I saw the mistakes my father made and my uncles. All but one of them.
So I pray hard and I try to be careful but that fear has crippled me.
Almost like someone who is a lifeguard, now afraid to even enter the pool.
I think of every step, every angle, every possibility.
Because I am afraid.
Afraid of what love brings and what it doesn’t bring.

I recently called out some folks at a church event for singles and young adults where I said that they romanticize marriage too much.
Everyone has a “happy marriage”!
But we see them, plus the ones whose husband is trying to get in your pants or the aunty that would kill her man, if not that hell was real.
I am afraid of getting it wrong.
I am afraid of not fulfilling my potential or changing the world.
I am afraid of never jumping.
I am afraid that I will never stop being afraid.

What are you afraid of? Comment below, let’s talk.

Thanks for reading as always!

New series out on Saturday!
Please watch this space!

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#WordsOfWednesday
© 2018 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WordsofWednesday · Poetry · TheRantsShow

Past Present Woes

#WordsOfWednesday
Past Present Woes

What gets people so intrigued about the past?
I find that people as a whole obsess about what was and not what can be.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think history should be discredited in totality.
I respect that it informs patterns, gives insight into future predictions and most importantly, it can be a cautionary tale for things to come.


But I never get the fascination and obsession with it. Let’s use me as an example, I don’t like regrets. Because of that, I sometimes live my life with the handbrake on and other times, I can seem reckless with no bounds.
Either way, I try not to look backwards too often.
Read about my logic in The One that Got Away

I come to terms with my realities faster that most. “Oh I lost that opportunity because I didn’t work hard enough?”
Or I didn’t get that girls number because I delayed too long?”
Or “That friend hurt me or I hurt them?”

I make peace with it early on and move on.
More importantly, the things that are reminders of regrets are precisely the things I want to not have to think about.
Most times, people come into your life and they want a walk down your memory lane to inform how they want to live or love with you.
But have you ever thought that it is retraumatizing for the person to relive that experience?
Imagine a woman who was with an abusive man, you now come into her life and you want to talk about it and him.
But when she is not forthcoming, you think she doesn’t want to open up. No!
Sometimes opening up is letting you see into them but it means they have to reopen to the wounds.
Flies live around open wounds and more importantly, they bleed.


Another reason people don’t like talking about their pasts is that it can be extremely embarrassing.
Maybe you dated a proper asshole or you were one. Or maybe you haven’t even healed from your stupidity.
It happens.
So sometimes, people want to leave things the way they are – in the past.

If you have a good person, someone that you love and loves you, focus on the future.
What kind of friendship or relationship can we have?
As opposed to worrying about the kind they had with people they may not even be talking to anymore.
The past got them to you, whole or damaged. However you dice going back, you are losing some value in the now.

One thing people also don’t realize is that if you hang around long enough, sometimes you get a pure and honest peek into the past.
The past is what made us, but we are only as good as what we do next.
It’s like people that love to tell you their past relationships were this and that.
Brother and sister, in your past relationships you may have won gold but it counts for nothing if your current situation fails and in some cases, you are single. So who past relationship epp?

No one.
I like the past, with two rules.
1. I’ll take you into it as I please at my pace and time.
2. It should only be a marker for improvement and that itself can and should be very personal.

No one wants to be only defined by their past, so why do you obsess over that of others?

Thanks for reading as always!

New series out on Saturday!
Please watch this space!

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#WordsOfWednesday
© 2018 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · Poetry

Fuck The High Road

#WordsOfWednesday

Fuck The High Road

It’s cold, lonely and seldom traveled.
Not because people don’t know the way but many choose to not use it at all. Ignoring class, self respect and peace, some would rather muddy themselves in the lowliness of pettiness.
But it is cold, high and out of grasp – but for a select few, it is the high road.

For the longest time, I spent time living by a concept my mentor once shared with me.
“If you and a friend had a falling out and they publicly embarrassed you, you have lost twice.
Once because you have lost a friend and secondly because you had initially made a poor choice in a friend”
I always used the “na me fuck up” mentality. If someone wronged me, I’d go silent and just let it be.
I rarely speak on what people did or didn’t do to me.

One of my best friends told me that one of my biggest mistakes was considering most people as friends anyways.
It used to sting because I would make so many excuses for people.
“She is young
He is going through a lot
Maybe I caused her to be like that
They are really a good person, you just don’t understand them”
Eventually you learn, that not everyone is your friend and all.

I am also incredibly private about my life, choices and intentions. I picked that up from my mom who was an expert at protecting us from unnecessary eyes and distractions.
But here is to growth (I laughed out loud using this watered down word). My blog has seen my evolution but more importantly it has become a haven for folks to learn from me and apply things to their lives.
Let my experiences, however few or otherwise, be a guide for you and yours.

After my relationship ended in late 2014, I was so broken and hurt.
I swore that through 2015, I wouldn’t be in another relationship. I was going to be single, date and travel.
Two of those things were perfectly fine.
One of my biggest mistakes was dating while healing (DON’T DO IT PEOPLE)
I was so broken and to an extent, I was searching for peace in the women I met.
And don’t forget dating multiple women at once. Smh Sanmi. (I Lied and Cheated)
So yes, I ultimately scarred some of the people I interacted with.
I was still angry, at my ex and myself.
It was like all the accommodations I gave for her, I wasn’t willing to give anyone else.
My temper was short, I was dismissive, reductive and just sometimes a flat out dick.
Yes, that was all me.

In 2015, I met someone that made me laugh like I hadn’t in a while.
Quickly, she filled a void that I had been hiding for a while. It was her smile and just her crazy fun energy.
Yup, soon we were fucking and trying to navigate everything else, and then life hit.
To be honest, I wanted to run at that time. I felt like it was such a big responsibility and place to walk through with her.
She even asked me to leave and tried to push me away but I ain’t no punk and I really cared about her, so I decided to stay.
My first mistake was not restructuring our situation to a pure friendship.
Feelings were still there and having sex didn’t help either.
But as life settled, it was clear to me that we weren’t compatible long term.
We were in different spaces chasing different things.

I would come home from a long day of work and school and have to fight about why I tweeted first before calling her.
Or that I did this or the next thing.
Mistake number 2!
I should have been firm and walked.
But if you are dealing with someone and you have a huge fall out, you should probably completely leave them out and not respond to nudes when they send them to you.
Or a two page letter documenting how flawed they were as well and how much they contributed to the failures of your interactions.

This is by no means a tell-all but a reflective walk back down the high road.
Look people, Sanmi ain’t no saint. Far from it.
I’ve said things my Pastor would not be proud of, berated people and even just didn’t give a fuck sometimes but two things are true of me.
I apologize when needed and I never set out to hurt intentionally.
Have I hurt people? Yes.
Apologized and made amends where possible? Hell yes!
But people take a piss because you don’t speak up.

One phrase always touted is “Emotional Abuse(r)”
What do you call someone who berates you when they get mad and then apologize later and because of love, you take them back?
Or someone who gets so mad they start to throw your things into the hallway of a hotel room?
Or threaten to scream because you don’t want to have sex with them after they just called you every evil name possible?
What do you call someone who tarnishes your name in public but still claims to love you and reaches out when they need favors?

If you said an abuser, manipulator or just asshole, you would be right.
If you assumed all of the above was done by a guy, you would be very wrong.
But you see, the same person who did those things has the nerve to go on social media and circles to say negative things about me.
Now I am again not saying I am perfect but I believe in being honest with oneself.
I was good to said person and I know deep down they know that. Even with all of my shortcomings, but you would never see me on social media, trying to drag them.

I don’t think there are “good” or “bad” people. I think we all make mistakes and thrive in different ways.
Your knight today might be a villain in someone else’s tale.
That’s life.

But you see the thing with being silent for too long is that you let people walk all over you and your truth.
You start to even believe the lies they spew about you.
Fuck the high road!
Let sleeping dogs lie but if they want to be poked, let them be poked.
Defend your name when you need to.
I did some fucked up shit but I legit went back to read some transcripts I had saved or even the letter she wrote and I was amazed.
You will see how she speaks of me now and you will think I was Tristan Thompson who dipped on her while she was carrying my baby or something.
For the longest time, I thought to myself, I had something to lose and she didn’t.
I have a show I work hard on, this blog, my brand, my job!
Leave it Sanmi, leave it. But enough!

A few things: ladies and gentlemen, the moment you realize you are not going to be with someone long term, cut it off and leave it cut off.
Don’t let people walk over you because you want to be private. They will use that silence as a green light to rubbish your name if they could and since they won’t be honest with themselves about their own flaws and shortcomings.
Forgive yourself for your own mistakes and just make attempts to be better in your new dealings.
I love me so much now.
Quicker to forgive, listening more and just being more aware of my imprint in the lives of those around me.

The high road is great in theory.
But it has bad signal and sometimes sends the wrong message, that because you are not talking, you are guilty as charged.
Fuck them and their stupid road. Stand up for yourself and your name.
And pray you never come in contact with people that make you regret ever meeting them.

 

Thanks for reading as always!

New series out on Saturday!
Please watch this space!

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#WordsOfWednesday
© 2018 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · Poetry

The One That Got Away

#WordsOfWednesday


The One That Got Away

About 5 years ago, I was in a relationship.
By all accounts, it was going well. We were relatively happy, growing and people were calling us “Goals”.
Then one day, I was having a serious conversation with myself and I concluded. I wasn’t going to marry this woman.
I prayed about it for a few weeks and battled within my spirit before I finally put an end to a 4-year relationship.

It hurt.
But nowhere near knowing I couldn’t give her what she wanted – marriage.
She told me that in the first few months, she was broken and she hated me.
We were not talking for the first 6 months after the breakup.
And in that time, I was hurting too.

Here was this woman that I loved so dearly. Started dating at 17.
I became a man within her love. We found each other and even though she was older, I never felt like we were never on the same page.
For a while, I never thought I could love any like her. Well, that was until, you guessed it right, I fell in love again.

The person I was dating for 4 years at the time of the breakup, she felt like the one that was getting away.
Like how do you invest 4 years into someone and then they just walk?
“They will find someone else and be happy and you’ll have lost out”


Funny enough though, I never believed that anyone got away.
It’s important to love like it’s your last chance at love. But I have never felt like one was the one that got away and it was the last chance saloon for me.
You will date and meet great people, some will define a period in your life or even change your trajectory in life but not all are for the forever ride. And that’s okay.

Everything works out for good. That ex-girlfriend is a happily married wife and a mother now.
It’s not enough to say it but you have to believe it. Everything works together for good.
I have never felt sad like I lost out on her since that initial period. You know why?
I  believe God’s will was done and I was part of her story.
But that’s just it – a part.


I don’t believe in soulmates but I believe that God ordains your steps.
And it’s possible that the path takes you in a different route than what you expect.
The picture up there is an interesting one.
That exact stop that white car is parked, is the exact spot I parked when I spilled my heart out to someone I once loved.
I sat there for over an hour telling her all she meant to me – we never amounted to much beyond drama and stories.

I referenced that to say, I saw her this week with another man – one of many she has dated since we had our thing.
I mentioned men, not to shame her but to highlight that we moved on. But to some people, we should be together.
It’s always amusing to hear but when I saw her this week, I laughed at the idea that there was nothing left.
The feelings of old were gone.
And then I thought. Has anyone ever seen me as the one that got away?
That would be interesting to find out.

Seeing her out, she looked happy but more importantly, I was happy too.
And like my ex-girlfriend, I thought to myself, I hope she is happy there.
More than the one that got away, is the feeling that everything works out for good.
I love where my life is. How things have turned out.
Would they be different if I was with someone?
Or one of the ones that “got away”

I don’t keep an eye on what was. My happiness is current and whole. I like that.
Don’t spend time dwelling on who you think got away. Be good enough for the now and for your future self that no one ever wants to run the risk of letting you go.

There is none that got away. They just went – a different way.
But you might very well still be on track.
Stay up!

From the Macbook of The Wordsmith…

Thanks for reading as always!

New series out on Saturday!
Please watch this space!

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#WordsOfWednesday
© 2018 #WhatTheHeckMan