#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African Stories · Bloggers · Drama

Am I the drama?

In this life have sense, money, and shame.

Words of Wednesday

Some friendships are only for a season,
Sometimes they come in during your harvest
Others during your drought
Some are the shoulder to lean on
Some need your shoulder
A few are like mortgage contracts
Thirty-year fixed
Others are shorter than a Netflix show
When some end
It’s like an Iroko falls in the forest
While others end with a soft block and unblock
Then you change your Netflix password
And forget they ever existed

The fear of loneliness is what makes it hard for some of us to audit our friendships because the truth is after some of those reviews, you’ll realize you were already alone.
That you had grown apart while standing next to each other.
Amazing to see that the pandemic of the last two years has brought many closer and some others completely dropped out of the picture.
When was the last time you audited your friendships? Auditing also means reviewing your own performance and input in that space – are you worthy to still be called their friend?

Over the last few days, I have been thinking about the concept of “shelf life” and the spaces we occupy. Think of it like this – remember that vase your mom or dad had on the shelf. All your childhood, it was just there, in some African or Latino homes, it may even have been the place they hid emergency monies or keys.
Notice how it was there for years and despite not moving much, it always served a purpose?
Those are your riders, they may change color, grow old but they are there and impactful.
Others are like the flowers in the vase – pretty for a while but ultimately, they “die and fade” and you hardly remember them beyond the short excitement they provided in the time they were there.

Auditing my friendships over the last few weeks, the following random thoughts jumped out to me

Don’t Stagnate,

Stagnation is scary. Not really the stagnation of you life but truly looking at the core of a man or woman.
Money doesn’t buy swag.
Houses and cars don’t hide insecurities.
And truth be told, sometimes the wealth you acquire to cover the manhole of inadequacies, only makes those flaws more glaring and sad when they rear their heads.
I realized quickly that I am very afraid of seeing my friends stagnant, emotionally to be precise.
How are you still having the same types of fights or outbursts as you did when you were 21? Where is your evolution?
Do not be stagnant. You may have more money in the bank, and more rings on your hands but has the child in you grown? Found peace?
Start within.

Am I the drama?

If you are the one constant when drama arises in a group, maybe, just maybe you should stay closer to your therapist and be more diligent in your self-improvement work. The tweet above sums it up.
At some point for your friendships and relationships to blossom, you need to find a way to self-reflect and introspect. Are you the drama?
Are you the one people need to tiptoe around?
Have you gotten those mood swings in check? Do you drift in and out of being present?
Are you still unable to see the group but only yourself?
Hmmm.

When did we become our parents?

I noticed a few months ago that I was the person that would be wronged by someone and not really feel the need to defend myself. Happened a lot.
People would say or do things that were false and I would always rely on “God knows best and my truth is mine”
I recently realized where that came from. A few years ago, there was someone in my church that was going around telling lies about my dad – the Pastor.
It was causing so much pain to me because all I wanted to do was defend him but he always told me to let it go.
For months, it raged on till the person left the church and went to another church. Still smearing his name.

A few months later, I came back home late in the evening, it must have been around 11pm. When I pulled up, there were cars I recognized around the house.
Walking in, I noticed a group of people in the second living room. They did not see me, nor did I want them to but I did peek in.
Guess what I saw?
That same woman and her husband were on their knees begging my dad.
She apologized for lying against him and such.
And my dad in typical fashion, he forgave. My mother was furious!
But my dad has always been big on forgiveness. And so am I, the only difference is that I am not one to forget, you will not do it to me twice.
IT just got me thinking, when did I become my dad?
I am super particular like him, I dress serious like him, and I emotionally approach things and conflict like him. Damn, I truly am that man’s son.
Sorry, Maury.

Are you like your parents or guardians in any way? And when did you realize that you had become like them?
Let me know in the comments below!

Thanks for reading!

Fiction

Convenient Christian 4

It’s been a minute
Since we spoke
I love how you always call
Voicemail
Redial
No fail
I love knowing you are there
All around me
But not around me
I may not call
Till my next interview
Not even before the recruiter screen
Let’s talk after the final stage
So you can work your consistent magic
Get me the best package
Fully remote
With unlimited PTO
So I can now tweet that I’m a tech bae
Tithe into your household
No way

Nobody can check me
Ignoring calls for offerings into your storehouse
Because it comes through a messenger I don’t rate
But so do my bills
Xfinity, T-mobile, and Student Loans are never late
And as you directed I do to Caesar
I give
Building fund
Who go belief
Every day between Bakare and Oyedepo
I lose
Faith in the doctrine
Their behavior is like a slap in the face
Religion no longer makes me feel like a Winner
I stand in the Chapel annoyed
But not like Jesus
Me
More rage
At a younger age
Oh Lord, why did I ever come of age?

The women bully the young girls
Forget your curves that dress must hide them
You don’t want to tempt the boys
Those ones do no wrong
They flaunt freely like gun slinging soldiers
Unhappy church women forcing marriage down the throats of young people
We know their husbands cheat
Their RN wives will never admit defeat
On the offense
Jesus is a mighty God
Another testimony
It’s my 10th anniversary with my husband this month
But it’s his 60th rent payment for mistress this month
Direct deposit
All the church does is gossip
Settle down, settle
Join the train of unhappy souls
In the place where we save lost souls

So here I sit
Disillusioned
Disconnected
Despite knowing my relationship should be with you
Not the establishment
But I need the establishment
Because within you, I am not established
Yet
Why does the church that made me love you in Bible Tales
Now make me draw my sword to protect myself from it’s absurd tales

I stay in the place of worship
Not because I hear thy voice
But because that choir hits the notes and every chord
They have the best YouTube reputation
Far and above
Nothing beats sprinkling a little legwork into my praise and worship
It’s for the kids they say
It helps us stay hip
But further lost I feel
The church no longer feels like home
When I close my eyes to pray
All I see is her on her knees
No pray
Taking deep breaths
It ain’t about faith
That wasn’t her name
This is about me and you
Honest and true
I love you
I do
But do I know you

Every day I find more ways your “word” divides people
Or those you called discriminate against your blessed people
I’m torn
I was sure that growing up
Would mean more of you
But the more they “tell me of you”
I see less of you in them
And then less of me
Because who I was before was rooted in you
Now he feels like a distant past
Long in the rearview
So here is me pouring my heart out
I hope you hear me
I’ll try to pick up when you call
Or call you back at my earliest convenience
Or when next I need you
I hope that’s still cool

I told my mom last week that I felt “tired” of my church.
Something changed – the love went out the door
It was sudden, abrupt and then just gone. I used to be the person that couldn’t wait for Sunday. Praise and worship lifted me up, even when I wasn’t singing.
I just loved being there.
It usually meant my whole day but I loved giving my time.
I am not sure what happened and I think it may just be my church because I don’t feel this when I go to others but I lost the spark.

Not just for going to church but for speaking to God – period.
It felt hard because I know I need him and he has done soooo much for me(please tell me you sang Tim Godfrey’s Nara here”
I struggle to hear him in my private bible readings but I noticed that I would always hear him in song.
In private moments of worship and praise – he would speak and I would hear.
So I know all hope is not lost, maybe I need to change my church or something in my life but I wanted to share this post with you.
It’s vulnerable, it’s not cute, it’s not Big Daddy Adewus but it is one of the layers that defines me.
I believe my faith and my upbringing in Christ has influenced a lot of the man I am.

Last week, I was trying to record a video for my IG after my workout and this song came on Oba to nja Funmi by Gbenga Akinfenwa.
I have heard it before and many times but that day, the words struck.
Despite my faithlessness and unfaithfulness, God keeps fighting for me. And he has never left me to wishes of those that do not have my best intentions at heart.
I felt vulnerable and embarrassed and I almost decided the video would never see the light of day but I see all of you that interact with the “realer” side of me. 
I know there are people the song may speak to or this caption may speak to.
So here it goes.

I hope you are happy, at peace and loved within yourself.
If any of those elements is missing and even if it is not, here is my heart to you and a hug from me to you.
I pray God keeps fighting for you and I.
Please check out my blog for my Convenient Christian series and enjoy Part 4.
It is as real as it gets.
Till next time.

Stay up!

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday

Letters from Lekki ✨

Phase 1

Written on January 2nd, 2022

It’s been a tradition for many years that on my visits to Lagos, I get incredibly inspired to create new content. Whether that is writing or pictures or even business ideas, something always pops up.
The struggle always comes around taking the time to actually write or share the content created – something I hope to improve on in 2022.

But last night, I slept early. In my hotel room alone, after missing dinner plans, I ordered in some Afang (not a fan) and Eba. Because I need to watch something while I eat, I watched Zootopia.
Don’t question me! I love my kid/animation movies.
Shortly after, I knocked out and I woke up about an hour ago. 6:56am.
I have plans today that I am very excited for but for now, I wanted to put down a few thoughts swirling in my head.
2022 is young but it already promises so much, so here are a few thoughts.

Execute, Now.

If you are like me, there are certain things that have been on your resolutions list for a few years.
You keep watching it and moving it from year to year like a depreciating asset on your balance sheet.
Look, life is hard. Mr Eazi lied.
But one thing I have always lived by is that regret is much worse than failure.
Think about the things you regret, not saying “I love you” to someone or seeing your favorite actor and not asking for a picture.
Those linger longer and cut deeper than the time you burnt a recipe you tried for the first time or when you got a low mark on a test.
The key here is that you tried. Me, in certain areas of my life, I am never afraid to try but in others, I hesitate.

I ask us this year to just do it. Execute on it. You really won’t “fail” because you’ll be learning from each instance. Do it now, so you can look back months from now and see progress and learnings. Not regret for never starting.

Stop Breaking Your Own Heart

Stop waiting on that apology. Stop expecting that person to treat you better.
Stop overstating your importance in the lives of those around you.

Most of my heartbreak in recent times has been from over-extending my heart into areas where it had previously been scarred. For a long time, there was a person that I wanted our relationship to work so badly.
The biggest stumbling block, they are the friend that never apologizes first or sees they’re wrong unless they’re completely backed against the wall. Believe it or not, there were nights I would cry because I just wished they would do better.
The final nail in the coffin, they tried to gaslight me. This person said to me that they believed how I responded to them upset them and they couldn’t explain it. Plus they assumed some of my tweets were directed at them.
On said day, I was working and very busy. So obviously replying the message was not a priority.
Don’t get me wrong – I was fully aware that them not getting a prompt reply was a trigger for them but what happens when I am not even looking at my phone or focusing on that at all?
Or when MY own world is busy.
Anyways, the friendship fizzled out and I have no intentions of being the one to rekindle it because I am tired of breaking my own heart. IF all the time passes and they are not self-aware or reflective enough to realize where they messed up and own the situation, why should I keep hurting myself?

This year – say no to things or situations that keep traumatizing you and stop breaking your own heart.

You do not have a monopoly on someone else’s happiness

Less Ego, More Love – nothing related to Wizkid or Burna or Davido or Shatta “He needs a psych eval” Wale.
Oftentimes, we believe that because of what we experience with certain people, their future happiness should be tied to how they made us feel.
Sorry but that can’t work. Never.
A previous ting of mine got engaged recently and it was beautiful to see. Truth be told, I knew it would happen someday – aside from our relationship she was a good person.
But a part of me always felt slighted that she wasn’t this great version of herself while with me. Self-reflection will tell you that I probably had a part to play in that but I still felt a way.

In 2022 and beyond – please remember, you do not own people or have any influence on their short or long-term happiness. Focus on making you the greatest version of yourself and leave the rest for the universe to sort out.

Forgive yourself

If you are like me, you have been through quite a bit. It’s normal. We’ve seen things and felt things.
Been hurt, hurt people and seen ourselves evolve.
One thing about people is that we wear our trauma like tattoos gotten in dark alleys and reminders on our hearts like passport stamps but we fail to sit in our happy moments as if the showers of joy come with hailstones.

Much of the trauma and hurt you have faced have you cautious, closed-off, defensive, reclusive, overextending, overcompensating, unable to accept compliments or love, and so on. It’s normal and perfectly okay but this year, look into the mirror like Issa and forgive yourself.
For the parts, you played and for the things you did or said, then forgive yourself and move on.

You deserve light and fluffy love like perfect pancakes. You deserve smiles that light up the room.
You deserve the best YOU.

So go after that person in 2022 and truly be the best of you.
The world will be better for it.

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday

Step Away!

Taken on April 4th, 2022

Lessons I’m learning on my weight loss journey

It’s barely 4pm and I just had my first meal of the day. Well if you count my smoothie, then I guess second. But my smoothie was three scoops of protein powder and half a cup of Almond milk.
I’m deep in the trenches.

It’s been 3weeks since I started my Green and Grown diet (basically eating only veggies and things growing out of the ground with chicken and turkey for protein).
It has been an interesting road so far.
And I figured I would share some updates on how things are going. So here are some of the lessons I have learned in my 21days of changing my diet and my life

Lesson 1:
Ignore the scale and the mirror for a while

You know how you, yes YOU will go to the gym once and the next morning you’re looking for the abs or the fatter ass?
Yeahhhh same concept.
I struggle a lot with this because on most days, I would wake up and check myself in the mirror. Mostly because I would always observe my body and make sure everything was still in place and still working.
You know 30+ vibes

But there have been many days where I look at myself and because I don’t see the full sculpted version I have been working on, I briefly get discouraged.
Thankfully I ultimately push through but I can’t help but notice that I struggle with it.
This past weekend, I was at a birthday dinner for one of my really good friends and someone hugged me – touching my torso, they said “oh wow, your work is really showing. I be seeing you go off on IG but you’re killing it”
The next day, I had another event and people again complimented my progress, despite the fact that I was wearing a sweater that hid most of my body.

There is progress – someone asked me recently after complimenting “how much weight have you lost?”
I honestly don’t know and I don’t want to know.
I have found that the scale has been one of the places where my joy had been stolen. So no I do not want to know.
I would rather continue working on myself till I see visible changes that I want like I sleep better, not be short of breath when I run upstairs or I can go longer – hehehe if you know what I mean.
So my lesson for you as well in this time, ignore the scale and the mirror – keep pushing and one day you will look up and love the way you look. I guarantee it – props to you if you got that Men’s Wearhouse reference!

Blurry but Happy!

Lesson 2:
Love on yourself more than you want others to

Positive talk – remind yourself that you are a work in progress and frankly you are doing the work.
For me, I decided that this year and this stretch would be when I change my body for the rest of my life and that means a lot to me. For who I Want to be – for my wife, my kids, my future.

I am trying to be kind to myself in any way possible because like I said, I am doing the work. I realized that my discipline is the biggest gain I can ever get – when it’s all said and done, it won’t be how many pounds lost, it will be how much I’ve proven to myself that I would never give up.
And that is love.
Never giving up on someone or something.

So spend time telling yourself you are awesome and you are great. Remind yourself that you will achieve all that you want to achieve.

Lesson 3:
Celebrate the small wins

Last week on one of those days that didn’t feel so great at the gym, I felt annoyed. I was starting to lose faith in the work I was putting in.
But from somewhere I got the nugget (oh how I miss those!) to focus on the small wins.
That for me looks like in the last 9 days I have typically eaten dinner before 6pm.
Some days are even closer to 4pm.

Yes.
I would eat a decent-sized meal (really small – sample picture below) and just drink water later at night when I get hungry.
There was a day last week when I REALLY wanted to drink Garri with Peppered Turkey but it was 10pm.
I almost gave in but I forced myself to say no. I drank some water, and some green tea and I went to bed.
The next morning, I had a smoothie for brunch and forgot about the night before.

I am cherishing my small wins. The compliments I have been getting from people about looking smaller and my face shrinking. Someone even told me my head was getting smaller. I NEVER knew that was possible.

I urge you to celebrate your small wins AND the big ones too.
What are you currently working on that you can point to as some small wins? Please share them in the comments.

I hope you have a fantastic rest of the week and as always, please share and comment.

Thank you!

Written 4/5/2022 after eating the last batch of beans and chicken for dinner before a call with the Nifty Nine.

#WordsofWednesday · Fiction

You’re Hearing Voices Again

#WordsOfWednesday

Thankfully, I have voices like yours that have cheered me into greatness. 🌹

I was standing in front of the ATM, I inserted the checks and it spat two back out.
I grumbled a bit and then I reentered them – this time around, they worked.
With a sly smile on my face, I emailed the receipt to myself and I headed out of the business/bank center.
It was one of those that doesn’t have any people – just the machines and virtual portals. I headed back to my car and before I started the car, I began to hear voices.

I know what you are thinking. What is wrong with this guy?
But it was the echoes of the songs I was playing before I went into the building. It was me singing “Ololade mi Asake” over and over in my head.
I turned on the car and the song had finished, it was now a new song but I could still hear those voices too.
We all hear those voices.

I remember one day when I was much younger, I ran upstairs to my mom and I was like “you called me?”
She frowned and said “no”
Then she added “don’t answer if you don’t see who is calling”
All my Africans or Black people in general reading this all rolled their eyes because here is a Nigerian mother telling you to be sure you see her before answering. WHERE THEY DO THAT AT????
Nope!
Mothers be wanting you to even answer while they thinking of calling you!

The whole reason I was depositing those checks is that I stopped listening to voices. The checks were some gifts given to me by members of a church I went to sing at recently.
Standing there – instead of appreciating some of the gifts that come from my gift, all I could think of was the voices that said I wasn’t good enough.
I have one friend in particular that would tell me not to sing whenever I would sing around them. So are the hundreds of people around the country that I sing, can’t they hear?
Do they not know good music?
That’s incredibly hard to believe.
The last time I sang, 4 separate people came up to me to tell me how much they loved my singing and how I carried myself.
Yet, before each time, I would hear my friend’s voice saying “no”

Truth is, we are all victims of it.
We drown out the voices of praise and amplify that of our doubters.
It is important to listen to the voices, especially the praise – you need the fuel. I am not saying doubters are always wrong, otherwise, too many people would be Soundcloud rappers. Sometimes those voices are the voice of reason and they force us to strive for better – for greatness.
So they are important in the room.
But they should not be so loud that it makes you want to stay out of the room.

There are also times that you are those voices you hear. You push yourself too hard.
You negative talk yourself. You put yourself down.
Stop it!
You are deserving of greatness, belief and the confidence of someone bound to do great things.
I am not a fan of those fake self-talk pages on IG (especially since IG is a hub for tons of negativity) but find your own source.
Pour the positive into your soul. Every chance you get.
Fill your room with enough loud voices – so the next time you are in front of a room ready to present or a church ready to sing or alone at the ATM, the only voices you hear would be of those cheering you on.

Till next time,

Stay Up!

Please COMMENT your thoughts below. Thanks for reading!

Fiction

Still Alive 🌹

Hey Smile, I pray you never leave. 🌹

It was recently brought to my attention that I haven’t written one of these audits in a while.
The last one was 2020. I think with the way the world has gone over the past few years, I can be cut some slack.
Glad to be able to pen this now and give you some insight into my world and where my mind is or has been.

I also figured I would share some of my 2022 goals with you

Big Goals for Big Daddy Adewus
1. Pray More
2. Touch more lives
3. Be kind to me
4. Enjoy life
5. Argue less, resist the urge to defend yourself


Faith:
I am a bit tired of my church. My personal relationship with God is “good” at best.
I haven’t felt too hot on certain things connected to my faith recently but thankfully I still pray and talk to God and he talks to me.
I am working on the latest edition of Convenient Christian (a piece I write, I’ll post links here for you to check them out), so look out for that. Link to the last one here.

Because I have been “running” from God a bit – I think it has affected some key things I relied on him for. Discernment, gratitude, divine guidance and so on.
The past week has been hard on my heart for various reasons but mostly because I felt I had let God down. Not in specific actions – before anyone thinks this is some “gotcha” moment but because I just wasn’t plugged in.
The lessons from the past year and this last week have been hard. But I was able to just lay it all at his feet this past Sunday. I went back home.
And while I worshipped and praised – he spoke to me.
Then the Pastor came on his sermon was EXACTLY for me.
Man, when God is with you, he is with you. I am thankful but there is still more work to be done.

2021 Final Score: D
2022 Expected Score: B+

I always felt sadness and pain detaching but looking back, God has never been wrong and my life has been better after each phase. Trust God.

Fitness:
As I write this, it has been 11days on my Green & Grown diet. Except for Chicken and Turkey – everything I have eaten over the last 11days has either been vegetables or things have grown out of the ground.
I am starting to like the way I look but I also have been going super ham at the gym lately.
I got this app called Fitbod – it basically gives you exercises every day to do and helps take away the guesswork. I love it!
At 7am every day, it tells me what workouts to do that morning and I can crush it.
All in all, I am enjoying this new phase. I decided that I want to get the body of the rest of my life, starting now.
I am tired of waiting till a week before a vacation to start detoxing or drinking smoothies.
If I want this life, I need to work at it now and I am more than determined.

2021 Final Score: C
2022 Expected Score: B+


Creativity:
I need an editor. I have so much written already.
I need to actually POST but I always get weighed down by the prospect of having to edit. If someone can help me, I will really appreciate it.
I have tons of series lined up (are you ready for the rollercoasters?!), I have the novel in motion. I want to learn how to write scripts.

I started a food IG and I now have more than 250 followers. @chefadewus
Please follow and support me if you can. AND my Pinterest page!

My podcast is back and SmallChops is a perfect fit. We need a woman to join us consistently though – preferably someone in Canada or the US. Hit me up if you know someone or you are interested.

I also need to restart my French classes + piano.

2021 Final Score: C-minus
2022 Expected Score: A


Finances:
I changed jobs in the summer of 2021. One of the biggest companies in the world came after me, aggressively. It was so humbling and validating.
Better pay, better company, sign-on bonus, better everything sha. By the end of 2021, I had hit all of my savings goals for the year – I ended up Detty Decembering some of that money away but that is not the point.
Last year, I proved to myself that I could save and I am already on my way again this year.
So I am very excited. I have big BIG goals in 2022 and 23. So man must save – I am even on a budget right now. And if you know me, you know I stick to my budget!
2022 is the year of big bags and sometimes that just means closing the big bag already in your hand.

2021 Final Score: B+
2022 Expected Score: A+


Relationships:
This is where the most learnings are for me.
Romantically, I am satisfied and happy.
Butterflies. Boarding passes. Boba Tea.

In friendships though, it has been a rough year.
March 2021 brought a friendship breakup of a friendship that was 12+years old.
When I still think about it, it stings deeply but it is what it is.
I was already nursing a difficult week and then I walked into church and this was the Pastor’s sermon (when I told you God was talking to me, I was not joking)

This past Sunday’s sermon highlighted a few different things – I actually took notes.
Watch me sing and listen to the full sermon here

Friendship is a choice
Choose friends that fill you up.
Friendship is loving
Friendship is trusting
Friendship is loyalty

This past week for me was another reminder to remember the difference between acquaintances and friends.
It sucks to think through that feeling but it is necessary.
One of the things I struggled with growing up and being bullied was that I wanted to be loved by everyone*
As I get older and wiser, I continue to realize that wanting that is toxic and actually having that is fake.
To make some relationships work, you find yourself pushing and doing more than you ever would need to. And then you find yourself empty and resentful.
Unnecessary.

I took stock recently and I should be proud. I have friends like Seyi that I have had since 2003 and people like Anthony that I have been brothers with since 2006 – 16years.
We started what is now our crew called Nifty Nine. 3 out of the band is married with kids, people are in committed relationships thriving.
I have my PDG crew expecting our next baby, two weddings are upcoming.
And I have the Ninz’s of my world, the Nnenna’s, the Renny’s, the true Brethren, and more.
I have never been one to say “No New Friends” but Omo, my squad is already deep.
So I was grateful for the reset because it allowed me to look around and appreciate what I have that is solid and these people ACTUALLY love me.
They show up for me.
They care about my person and my growth. My soul and my heart.
So while these recent times have been hard, I am thankful for my true friends.

No one gets you like your own tribe.

I am also freshly inspired to be a better friend to the ones I hold dear.
Excited for all our growth, love, accountability and friendship.

2021 Final Score – F
2022 Expected Score – B

2021 was rough in many ways – a medical diagnosis that I reject in Jesus’ name, pandemic, soaring prices of everything.
But it was also a year of newness, growth and love. I am super excited for 2022.
It already started off so great – engagements, birthdays, babies, new jobs, leaving toxic things and people. It will only get better and I am sooooo excited for it.
Thank you for reading my review and catch me in early 2023 by God’s grace for a recap on this year. In the meantime, check out my current content (below if you are on your phone and on the right side of the screen if you are on your computer).


Til next time,

Stay Up!

Thanks for reading as always!
Thank you for commenting. Here is to a fun and blessed 2022!
You are highly appreciated.

Fiction

The Musings of a Dodo Addict

WordsOfWednesday on a Thursday. 🌹

How could that even happen?

Tonight, I cried.
I was listening to the song above and I became overwhelmed with gratitude to God for everything he has done for me.
A few days ago after a long day of errands, I came back home and I was actually about to go to sleep when I heard a loud and obnoxious knock on the door.
It was late but I walked to the door and opened it.
It was my neighbor.
He came to tell me that I had left my car running for 4hours.
Can you believe that?
I completely forgot to turn off the engine. I do not know what would have happened if it kept running for more hours (about to Google it).
I was grateful that nothing catastrophic happened plus I am thankful to God for using my neighbor whom I have never spoken to beyond hi and bye, to come and ensure I didn’t lose my vehicle.

Yeahhhh, right there… on the head

If you follow me on Instagram, you will probably have seen videos of me at the gym.
I am always dancing in my recordings.
Most times to gospel music.
A few days ago, I walked up to an equipment and I bumped my head because someone shorter than me had lowered the bar.
It hurt – I see you short people, or maybe not.

But as I massaged my head, I went back to working out and dancing, people kept staring and I thought o myself, I am the weird person in their own gym life.
But I love God and singing his praises anywhere, I was not going to stop that.

Mask Off

I was in line at the grocery store when the cashier said “you know you don’t have to wear that anymore?”
He was referencing the recent mask mandate that had passed in California – we don’t have to wear masks anymore.
It felt weird hearing that. For almost two years straight, we had gotten used to wearing this thing everyday, now you are saying we don’t need to?
Can people go back to “normal”?
Do they even want to?
I kept my mask on because I still feel the panini is not over but it got me thinking, even after COVID is finally under control, will I stop wearing a mask?
Most likely not.
I will probably end up wearing it every flu season as well. Just to stay protected.
Some try to act like the masks are evil or something but guess who hasn’t had the flu in two years? Exactly.
I’m keeping ‘em on.
Will you keep wearing masks or have you already thrown them away?

Tiredness

I am tired.
Physically for the most part.
About a month ago – I was in Los Angeles and on my first night there, I laid down in my hotel bed. I had plans to link with my younger brother.
I placed my head on the bed at about 6:30pm.
I woke up at 2am – the whole night was gone.

Before I slept, I felt dizzy and like the room was shifting – I have known it for a few weeks but I struggle to rest.
Most weekends are filled with a birthday party here, a brunch there, church on this side, DIY projects on that side. It’s made for a tired me.
I need to rest and as a full adult, I am scheduling it for next weekend. Isn’t that bizarre that we now have to schedule rest?
What happened to being a child and just not going to class or sleeping and ignoring your chores?
S M H

I watched a talk the other day about relationships that said as you get deep into it and kids come into play, you have to schedule sex.
At first, listen, I thought it was bizarre but seeing how busy I am now with all I have going on and no wife and kids yet? Nah, I completely agree with that person.
Heck, I have been trying to make an appointment with my left hand for months now and no luck.
S M F H

My best friend called me a Nigerian parent because I keep finding things around the house to work on. First off all, “and soooooo”.
Secondly, “even thoughhhhhhh”
I truly am always working on something but frankly, I need rest.
In the meantime though, please follow my latest thing, my Pinterest account. Every follow, like, and share counts. Thank you!

Be Kind

Recently, I was driving and this person in front of me was moving so slowly.
I maneuvered around them and began yelling, I was so annoyed.
Then it hit me.
Why was it so hard to be kind in that moment?

I remember the first time I was ever let go from a job. I was so heartbroken that day that I drove home so slowly, I was crying and confused.
What if someone honked at me as I drove?
Would I have been able to hold it together?
Maybe, maybe not.
It was a timely reminder to be kind always. That person could have gotten word that their health was poor or just been having a bad day – you never know.
Spread kindness, not continue a chain of the hard in a world already hard enough.

Run oooooo!

10:48pm – I had been on this wave of eating earlier in the evening, in my attempt to not eat late. So I would eat my first “big” meal around 6pm and if I was up late, like on this day, I would snack on something.
The choice this night was the super delicious sausage rolls from @AllIDoIsCook.
They get shipped to my house and I get to feast on such goodness. They come in air-tight packaging. That night I decided to use a knife to open the sausage roll pack.
As I picked up the knife, my mind told me to use the scissors instead. You probably already know how this ended.
Yes, I cut myself.

I was staring at my hand and I just burst out laughing, I knew. I flipping knew and most of us know. We feel it, we see it.
The signs are clear and glaring but we go into it anyways.
The last time I dated a woman that had poor communication skills and couldn’t express herself, I knew I would eventually get hurt.
But she was soooo fine and yes, she had/had bum bum and I went inside head first. Omo _, she just made me catch feelings and started making me return to my toxic ways.
As hard as they may come, run from the things that will bring you hurt.

Stay Up, Stay Safe & Stay Strong.
I LOVE YOU!

Yours always,

The Wordsmith
Master of Cliffhangers

Please leave a comment below.

Please comment, retweet and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

WordsOfWednesday

© 2022 #WhatTheHeckMan

Fiction

Do It Anyway!

#WordsOfWednesday

Did you know the city of Abeokuta gets its name from the literal meaning “under the rock”?

As I write this, I’m sitting in the owner’s corner of a 2001 or 2002 Toyota Camry heading for Olumo Rock.
For those of you that don’t know Olumo Rock is one of the major sights to see in Nigeria. Olumo Rock

Olumo in all it’s glory. During slavery raids in 1833, local residents hid in caves under the rock for 3years.

I faintly remember visiting there as a child a couple of times. Nothing that is etched in my memory or incredibly significant.

Hold on- we just got stopped by the Federal Road “Safety” people. (Watch this handoff, I haven’t seen smoother baton passing since Usain Bolt and his counterparts dominated the 4×4 relay)

Election 2023 – get your PVC.

This trip started off with 7 people interested and the plan was to rent a van to make it a fun group trip down to Ogun State and back.
But here I am, solo in the back of this ride, and as fate will have it, it’s Tems over the radio singing “you don’t need no other body”

Life has a way of teaching you subtle lessons every now and then, this one is a lesson I learned before but the reminder was great for this new chapter of my life.
Sometimes you will want to get things done and no one will follow you or be as eager as you.
Not because they don’t love you or believe in you but because oftentimes the vision you have is yours and yours alone. You see it clearer than anyone else.

The Great Mosque – it was built in 1924. Still standing.

It can be incredibly disheartening because you want your tribe to run through each experience with you.
But life is about knowing that some of those stories will be experienced and written in the back seat of a car on a dusty back road into the state capital of your home.

The key piece for me here is, do it anyway!
It may seem daunting or incredibly tasking but do it anyway. Not only will you deepen your belief in your self but you also prove to yourself that when those solo phases of your life come, you’ll be ready to brave them alone.

We just pulled up to Olumo.
It’s not busy. It’s beautiful and I’m glad I came.
Catch my full experience on my Instagram stories and highlights. @adewus4real

Till next time,

Stay Up!

Fiction

How We Show Up

For a while now, I have been thinking about the idea of things that make us who we are, things that help us show up how we do.
“That’s just how I am” is never just a stand-alone idea. We have things conscious or unconscious that shape who we become.

Some of these have similarities or bleed into each other but most are also standalone topics that should also be explored.
I thought I would write about how we (me) show up.

Promising and failing/not showing up

Most of us can relate to the world-famous phrase “if you get all A’s or do well in school, I will get you (insert incredible gift that would have made your childhood)”
All through the school year, you are busting your ass, working hard, trying harder to be the best student or child you can be with the hopes that your parents/guardians would keep their word.

Then the end of the school year rolls around, you did great but nothing. NOTHING.
Instead of getting what you were promised, you hear things that make you feel guilty for wanting what you set your mind to. Suddenly, the game changes and you were expected to be a good student anyway. Expected to be a good child anyway.
So why are you sulking?
I never knew it but it stuck with me for a while. It reinforced the idea that there was no real reward for doing good, aside from whatever you chose to reward yourself with.

So now as an adult, I take people at their word seriously. Don’t make promises you cannot keep to me.
It may seem small to you but to me, it is another nail in the coffin of mistrust and disappointment.
And as much as I have grown to expect and understand that people may mean well but will always fail, I can’t help but see the strong feelings related to being let down by the people who’s words mean a lot to you.

Going Solo

How many times have you planned a birthday trip? Or an event and expected a certain number?
Many of us know that the group chat always starts with 35 people but only 6 will end up on the trip – if you are lucky.
Quickly, you start to realize that the moments that will bring you the most happiness or joy are sometimes on the other side of lonely street.
You end up experiencing life in some ways, by yourself.

For me, this becomes problematic when you have people who genuinely would love to show up for you but because you are used to being let down, you plan without them.

Self sabotage

This can be birth out of childhood relationships or even adult friendships. I always say that the easiest person to lie to is yourself but also, no one can hurt you more than you can hurt yourself.
In anticipation of people hurting you, you push them away first. Sabotage.

A part of me knows it’s rooted in a deep sense of unworthiness. Like the love you are getting from that relationship/friendship is not deserving, so you throw it away before they can realize you are not deserving and they take it away.
It can sometimes feel like you are watching an outer body scene – like you are outside of your own skin as you watch yourself knock shit over. What is incredible is that sometimes you can feel your subconscious battling to tell you no, to tell you that you are indeed deserving but sometimes your villain streak wins.

It takes a lot of unpacking and affirming that you are deserving. I hope that we can both work on reminding ourselves that we are fully deserving of loving relationships.

Being afraid of things going right

I remember a time in my life when I would buy gas at Shell using the “credit” option on Monday, fill my tank and then pray that I came into money before the transaction would post on Thursday. 
On some cases, I would only have $1 in my account just to initiate the transaction.
It was like that for a while but as I progressed in my career and I began to make “more”, I realized that some of those habits didn’t change.

Don’t get me wrong, they are not all bad because some of those habits helped me save so far but sometimes the fear of going back to being broke prevents us from living.
We are so consumed with “what if it all goes bad?” and it prevents us from truly maximizing when things are going well.
I know some afraid to spend out of fear of being broke again. Life is about a balance, save and prepare for the worst but live for the life you want right now.

Expecting people to leave

I remember waking up one morning and my girlfriend at the time was not next to me. I checked the bathroom, the living room and the kitchen. Nothing.
I began hyperventilating.
I could feel my heart pumping out of my chest. I later found out she left in the morning without wanting to wake me up as she left to work.

Unpacking that feeling/episode, I connected it to the first time I feel abandoned.
I couldn’t have been more than 10 when my cousins who had lived with us in Nigeria for a few years were heading back to America. My parents told me I was going with them, so all day, I packed with them. One sleep later, I work up and they were gone.
I had been scammed.
It hurt.
It stung.
Still does.
I couldn’t believe that I was lied to on that scale. All I kept asking was why?

So as an adult, friends or lovers leaving would really mess with my head and my self-esteem.
Abruptly leaving or not saying bye?
Even worse.

I was able to recognize it and I have now shared it with friends and lovers, letting them know what my deep triggers are.

I understand that many of you may be able to relate to some of the personal ways that some of my trauma shows itself in my everyday.
I wanted to write this to validate US, I see you and I feel you.
Here is to seeing and addressing the situations and our realities.

Thanks for reading and please share with someone out there who may need it. Comment your thoughts below!

Til next time,

Stay Up!

Written on the flight back from London to San Francisco.
Listening to Monalisa by Lojay. Someone walking around with their child in their arm is annoying me, I know I shouldn’t care but every time I see them creep up behind me, I freak out.
Ugh.

#WhatTheHeckMan

A Detty December (18+)

A diary entry of a converted Yoruba angel.
4-PART SERIES

“Yes Daddy”

“Fuck”

“ Smack my ass.”

*thack whack*

“Harder” 

She said.

I slapped her right and then left cheek. Softer than fresh Agege bread, they rippled as I continued to slide in and out of her dripping wet.

My balls slapping into her clit with each movement. 

I leaned forward and put her in a headlock with my right hand, lifting her upper body to my bare chest. 

Before I spoke she said,

“Yes, Daddyyyy. Choke meeee!”

I swear everything in me welled up. My balls tensed, my ass clenched and I was ready to let go.

Muffled from my arm choking her, she muttered more words I couldn’t make out.

I turned her face to the left and planted the sloppiest kiss on her lips. She licked my tongue and my bottom lip as she stole her juices back off my lips. 

I let her down and pinned her head in the bed, slapping her cheeks again as I thrust harder. 

Still muffed, she let out

“Fill me up daddy”

And that was it for me.

One, two and I pulled out spraying my seed on her left cheek and she twerked in approval.

She slumped into the bed as I stood up and staggered to the bathroom. 

I grabbed a shirt and walked back to clean her up.

It had dribbled down her cheek like icing on a fresh donut. Each line tracing her stretch marks on her beautiful black skin. 

As I walked out of the room she said,

“So you’re just gonna fuck me like that and just leave?”

I chuckled and she added

“I wish you could stay longer”

Striding out, I said

“You’ve had me for 3 days now. You want my mother to kill me?”

She twisted, turned and grumbled like a teenager not getting to spend the day at the mall with their friends. I head back to the bathroom.

Leaning over the sink and staring into the mirror, I was trying to catch my breath. 

It was when I stopped that I realized that my heart was still pounding really fast. I started taking breaths from the base of my belly. 

A few breaths in and my Apple Watch buzzed, I looked down to my right hand as I lifted it up towards me.

It was an Uber notification. My ride was arriving in 8minutes.

I quickly hopped in the shower and washed down. 

Drying myself as I walked into the room, she asked me

“When do you come back from Ghana?”

“The 7th”

I replied.

I leaned in and kissed her. 

She smiled and said

“Your bags are downstairs by the door and some food”

“Thanks hun”

I said.

We both walked downstairs and hugged before I got into the Uber. I patted down my coat to make sure I had my passport and my wallet. Both intact, I pulled out AirPods and stuck them in. 

One more deep breath as the 44minute ride to the airport began. 

…loading…loading….

————

My flight from London City was delayed 3 times. I began to panic about my connecting flight from Rome to Cape Verde. 

It was one of the first flights that airline was running. 

After painfully waiting, we eventually boarded and headed to Rome. 

Once we landed, I rushed and grabbed my bags. 

Running to the airline checkpoint, I was praying I didn’t miss my flight because we were so late. 

As I approached the gate, I noticed there wasn’t anyone there. 

I immediately began to panic but I tried to keep it together. As I got the gate, it was completely empty and all the screens were blank. 

I had missed my flight. But how?

It was still an hour and 20minutes before the departure time. How could they close the gate so early?

Annoyed, I headed up to the airline customer service area. 

Walking up to the counter, the lady already looked irritated that I was coming with my problems.

I came up and said

“I was supposed to be on a flight to Cape Verde and Lagos but the gate was closed”

She rolled her eyes and said 

“The flight has left”

And I replied

“How can it have left? The flight leaves in an hour and 15minutes plus the board shows the flight is delayed.”

We spent the next 5minutes going back and forth about getting on another flight. She told me that I would not be able to fly out of Rome heading to Nigeria that day.

I was fuming because I was meant to go on a family vacation starting the next day. 

Everything within me wanted to fight. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a lady that appeared to be in the same predicament as me. 

I walked up to her and said

“Hi, were you meant to be on that the Cape Verde Airlines flight too?”

Confused and somewhat relieved she said

“Yes, I was”

We would quickly share stories of how annoying the whole situation was. 

I got up and went back to the counter and said

“So you are really not going to help out my wife, you plan to have us stranded here?”

Again, the lady did not budge. 

I walked back to the woman and sat next to her

“What’s your name?”

She looked up from her phone and said

“Dania”

I smiled back and said

“Hi Dania, my name is Tare. Pleasure to meet you, given the circumstance”

We both chuckled and I began calling the company that I bought my ticket from. 45minutes later, we were in a van taking us to a hotel where we would spend the night.

We would not get to Lagos for another two days and before that, we would fly to Instabul, Port Harcourt and then Lagos. All because of a missed flight.

Dania was on the phone to her mom, giving her an update on the what had happened as we made out way to the hotel.

I was exhausted and I truly just wanted to sleep. 

It was late and most restaurants were closed. I kept thinking of what I would eat and needing sleep but somehow, being with her made the situation easier.

We got to the hotel and quickly exchanged numbers. Sitting at the lobby while the rooms were readied, we talked about where we coming from and how excited we were to get to Lagos.

She shared about her family and I talked about mine as well. 

It was very clear that she was extremely talented and very beautiful. Our energies were in sync and I began to forget the pain of missing the flight. 

Our rooms were on separate sides of the hotel. I remember the man at the front desk asking if we were a couple and would like one room together. We laughed and told him we were not.

We finally headed to our rooms. I was in mine watching some Italian show after showering and waiting for my food.

It was McDonald’s and I was really annoyed that it was option while in Rome.

The food arrived, it was half decent, I ate and prepared for the morning. Bags ready and clothes outlined for the early and long haul to Nigeria.

I was starting to drift off in bed when I heard a knock.

Sluggishly, I got up and opened the door. There she was, smiling and looking refreshed.

She said

“I couldn’t sleep and I brought some wine.”

I smiled and stepped to the side as she walked in.

I said

“You smell really good”

She turned around and said

“Taste even better…”

I almost choked. It was about to be a memorable trip and we had no idea what was coming.

End of Part 1. Come back next Saturday for Part 2!


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#SanmiSaturdays

© 2021 #WhatTheHeckMan