I am currently sitting on my couch in my living room and have spent the better part of the evening here. It is 1:38 a.m., and I’m about to have a scoop or two scoops of ice cream and a cookie—one of the best cookies I’ve ever had in my life.
They’re from Sweet Charlie’s in Austin, Texas. I love them. I specifically go to the farmer’s market every week, or every couple of weeks—because sometimes I buy in bulk—to grab them.
Anyways, the reason why I brought up the cookies is because it’s late.
I had dinner probably at about 8:30. It was a late dinner because I was working, plus I had to make dinner.
I had Indomie and a very random thing. For as much as I can cook and as much as I’ve been cooking for years, Indomie and frying eggs have not been my strong suits—up until recently. My egg game is so much better than it used to be.
My best friend seems to think that his eggs are the best, but he needs to try my new and improved version. We stopped living together a little over 18 months ago, and in that time, I’ve gotta say, I can give him a run for his money. But you know, he doesn’t want to see me out on these streets. That being said, I am about to have dessert—a very late dessert—but before I do that, I’m going to post on my blog. That’s part of the reason why I am staying awake.
I was working, but right before I was about to go to sleep, I realized that it is Wednesday. Even though I have been posting on my blog for the last few weeks, if you haven’t read them, you can read them here.
A lot has happened in the last couple of weeks that I haven’t shared with you guys, so I figured I’d do that before I go to bed. Hopefully, if you get a chance to read this, you’ll let me know your thoughts, share them with me, and we can talk.
The first thing that I want to touch on is the absolute importance of taking care of your light. For a lot of people, that light is in the people we surround ourselves with. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not here to say that there’s no light in us directly—I believe there is—but I also believe that there is magic in the people we keep around us.
Something happened in my family in the last couple of weeks that threatened to take away my light. I actually watched myself become a shadow of who I am, and in many ways, it’s given me better perspective for some of what— and I use that word loosely—some of what my closest friends have experienced in the last couple of years.
I worried. I could not sleep. I prayed. And even that comes with another layer—being faced with trials and tribulations, calling on God, and almost feeling guilty for doing that because then the devil wants you to question yourself and ask: “Did you call on God this frequently when everything was smooth?”
Even that reality, or that challenge, is not something I had fully anticipated going into adulthood, going into this year, and it definitely was something that I had to navigate in the last couple of weeks.
I won’t say much, because honestly there’s not much to say here, and I think for those of you that are sensitive enough—either in mind or in spirit—you can read between the lines and figure out what I’m referencing.
With that, I have to devote more time and more energy to carefully and consistently loving on my people. So, if there’s anything that I can take away from this entire post this week, it’s this: intentionally love your people. Call more. Make more time. Linger more with them. Hug a little bit tighter. Smile back. Send pictures. Take pictures. Keep them alive in your heart and keep them alive in all the things that you do on a daily basis.
Yes, it has been a challenging couple of weeks, but I want to thank those who are close to me—those that knew what was going on, those that remembered to check in, those that care but, you know, life is life-changing for them as well. So thank you to those that remember to check in. I see you. I care. I hope you’re doing well, and I hope that we continue to do well on this side of the aisle as well.
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Well, that was fun! I clocked four years at my job a few weeks ago.
If you had told me when I was getting this job four years ago that I was going to be at this company for four years, I probably would have said yes. I think I’m a loyal person. I have a sense of loyalty, even though I wouldn’t sit here and promise you that I was deeply loyal to any company. But if you add my sense of loyalty to my quest for stability, you can probably understand why I’m the type of employee that, if happy, stays at a company for a while.
It’s also just an added bonus that I really like the people that I work with. The work is fun, the work is challenging, and the work is at the forefront of what is happening in the world today with AI, with improvements and innovations. So it’s an exciting time to do what I do.
It’s an exciting time to be afraid, to be concerned, to lean into AI, to learn more—and that’s what I’m trying to do. I hope that you are doing the same for yourself in the pockets that you occupy as well.
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Hmmmmm. So the heart is very interesting. It’s very complex. It’s so interesting how the heart is just a ridiculously complex contraption. Because not only does it, in a small way, do everything to keep you alive and ticking, it also has a way of humbling you and making you pause for a second.
I did something unintentionally—I don’t know if it was early this week or mid last week, probably late last week. In an attempt to explore something, I posted something that may have given someone—or some people—the wrong impression or the wrong message. It was interesting to me to watch the reactions after that.
But then it got me thinking: Why does the heart do what it does? Why does it know that you deserve so much more than what you have been given, but still connect with certain things or certain people? Why does the heart look at you and say, “Hey, I know you’re afraid, and I know it took you courage to run from here, but oh, how much you miss that space or that place”?
One thing I’m trying to appreciate more and give myself grace for is allowing myself to make mistakes. I’m in the last half of the first half of my thirties. And there’s such a crippling fear of getting it wrong.
I feel like I don’t have time to get it wrong. I don’t have time to make the wrong career move, relationship move, or spiritual move. And it’s not always a case of feeling like I’m going to let God down. Sometimes it’s a case of worrying that I would let myself down—that I would drop all my standards or forget who I am and what I stand for.
Some of it is unfounded, my anxiety. Some of it is my need—not necessarily to be perfect—but my need to not default to imperfection, or be comfortable with imperfection.
So yeah, I put a lot of pressure on myself. And in that instance, I realized there are still parts of my life that I miss. Parts of my life that I wish made more sense. Parts of my life that I wish I could sit down and talk about—with past friends, past lovers, past people.
Life is interesting.
While we’re on this topic, a story I’ll tell you is of a time when I once fell out with a friend, and we didn’t speak to each other for years—only for us to finally speak and the person said, “Oh my God, I’ve been yearning to talk to you for years, I’ve been wanting to say something, I’ve just been afraid.”
And I was sitting here, also crippled with my fear of rejection, not being able to say anything. You know, it shouldn’t have been an email.
It really shouldn’t.
It should have been a sit-down conversation, and maybe my heart wouldn’t have been able to take it. Maybe my heart would have burst out of my chest, or maybe it would have just stopped working.
I don’t know. Maybe I have to forgive myself and tell myself that I did try to communicate, I did try to express, I did try to forgive.
It’s crazy to feel so deeply hurt by someone that you care about or someone that you once held in high regard—and maybe you still hold them in high regard—but you’re just unable to see a pathway to healing.
Maybe I’ve said enough for you to pick your own message in there, because everything I’ve talked about has included platonic relationships, deep romantic relationships, or friendships that I thought would transcend youth, move into wisdom, and blossom into generations. But life happens—and it’s beautiful, chaotic, sad, and painful all in one.
The heart is weird because it maps, it connects, it wants, it longs for the connectivity to the past and the idea of what the future might look like. But none of it is smooth. None of it makes perfect sense. And sometimes you just have to wing it and hope that you’re going to get it right more times than you get it wrong.
Such is life. We meet people, we love them, they love us.
And then they block us or never like our posts for a whole year.
Oddly specific huh? Mind ya businesssss!
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I met a woman recently. And it’s interesting that I say that—for those of you who thought you were about to have some kind of “gotcha” moment or whatever, relax, you’re not.
But I met a woman I have been curious about for years, intrigued by for years, and somehow fearful of for years as well—only to meet her and find that not only does she seem to be a truly great person, she just seems like cool vibes.
You ever meet someone you were so sure you wouldn’t get along with, and then you meet them and you’re almost disappointed—not in the person, but in yourself—for being so basic in assuming that you wouldn’t get along with them or that it wouldn’t be a mutually beneficial experience?
We had a conversation, we had some quality time—again, not where you’re going with your mind—but someone to converse about life with, about work, about hobbies, about things like that.
It’s funny that even in that same interaction, to spend time with someone, to be intrigued by the person, they can still remind you that we’re still evolving and learning each other in our own ways. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone genuinely say to me that I was full of myself.
This person said that I give off the vibe that I’m full of myself—either because I “have it together” or appear to have it together. I find that hilarious because, one, I don’t feel like I have it together, and two, where is that coming from?
I strive very, very hard to have it together. It’s the reason I work so hard. It’s the reason I’m up late. It’s the reason I’m trying to deliver this blog post to you before I go to bed. I try not to let my standards drop in terms of the greatness that I show or how I present in the world.
But even in that time—even in having an amazing time and an amazing experience meeting this person and sharing space with them—it’s still a subtle reminder of life: we’re always learning.
We’re always learning each other, always learning ourselves, always evolving.
It was beautiful to have that experience all in one. On one hand, the person was talking and I thought, “Oh my God, we’re so alike on this and this and this.”
Then they said something else and I thought, “Oh yeah, we’re definitely different on that because I’m not thinking like that.”
I like experiencing life like that.
I think the biggest lesson to take away from meeting this person is: don’t let your fears or your perceptions of people hinder you from experiencing new things, new people, new domains. But at the same time, understand that you are evolving artwork.
You’re an evolving masterpiece that won’t look the same to everyone, won’t feel the same to even you sometimes, but you must continue pressing on with who you are and who you’re going to continue to be. Only you know who you truly are and who you’re designing your life to feel and look like.
In the journey you go along, make friends, make lovers, make memories, make time, make space, and be yourself. Enjoy yourself—because you are all you have.
Till we speak again, keep your head up and stay up.
Thank you for reading!
Please leave me a comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.
#WordsOfWednesday
© 2025 #WhatTheHeckMan
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