The 2025 Review

Every year I sit down to write one of these and every year I tell myself that it’s going to be shorter.
And every year I’m wrong.

There is something about taking a moment to pause and actually look back at the year you just lived that forces a certain level of honesty out of you. Not the Instagram honesty. Not the curated honesty. The real kind. The kind where you start connecting dots between things that felt random when they were happening but start to make a lot more sense when you step back.

2025 was one of those years where a lot happened, but not always in the loud or obvious ways.

There were wins. There was growth. There were a few moments that genuinely made me proud of myself. But there were also moments where I had to sit with uncomfortable truths about my life, my decisions, my relationships, and even the way I show up for myself.

I traveled. I worked out. I wrote. I prayed. I stressed. I overthought things that probably didn’t deserve that much energy. I also had moments where life felt incredibly full and other moments where, if I’m being honest, things felt a little empty.

And that’s probably the best way to describe 2025.
It was a year of contrast.

Some days I felt incredibly clear about who I am and where I’m going. Other days I felt like I was still figuring out the same lessons that life has been trying to teach me for years.

But that’s the point of these reflections.

Not perfection. Not pretending that everything made sense while it was happening. Just taking the time to understand it a little better now.

So like every year, I’m going to walk through the different parts of my life — faith, fitness, creativity, money, relationships, and everything in between — and give myself an honest assessment of where things landed in 2025.

Some grades will be generous.
Some might be a little harsh.

But all of them will be honest.

And hopefully somewhere in the middle of all of this reflection, both you and I can find a few lessons worth carrying into 2026.

Let’s get into it.

FAITH

Why did I think that in 2025 I would give myself a B when it comes to faith?

Guys, for the first time in a long time, I actually think I might have regressed. I believe my score from 2024 was a C minus. And honestly… I think I’ll keep it at that. A C minus. Which, to me, feels like regression.

Spiritually, 2025 was interesting.

I felt like I leaned on God many times. I know there was one weekend in August when I damn near called and begged God. I rushed down to Dallas assuming the worst, but praying for the best. I prayed a lot. I talked to God often.

But if I’m being honest, I don’t always know if I felt like God was listening. Sometimes I wondered if my sins or my actions had pushed me out of sight.

One thing I love about growing up in the church is that if you stay there long enough, you hear enough truth that you can pull from when life gets tough. That doesn’t necessarily mean you always remember how to tap into it. But the knowledge is there.

For example, I know that despite how rough things get, and despite how far I might drift, God doesn’t love me any less.

That truth has comforted me on many levels.

But 2025 was still complicated spiritually. I didn’t go to church very often. I didn’t fellowship much either. In fact, I’ve been searching for a men’s Bible study for a while now. Maybe I should just give in and find any Bible study to join and see what happens.

Because sometimes taking a step forward in faith is simply taking a step.

So often in life and in our relationship with God, we wait for the perfect environment. We wait for alignment. We wait for all the pieces to fall into place.

We wait for some grand sign.

We want God to show up in our dreams and tell us who our spouse is. We want a voice in the clouds telling us to forgive someone, leave someone, move somewhere, take the job, bet on ourselves.

But the truth is the sign might not come in the dramatic way we expect.

Sometimes the sign only becomes clear after you move.

After you attempt. After you step forward.

And if I’m honest, I don’t know if I did enough of that in 2025.

Another truth? I’ve been annoyed with the church for a while now.

As I get older and more observant, I see more unkindness within spaces that are supposed to represent love. It’s a strange place to be in spiritually — to believe so deeply in God, to find comfort in scripture, and yet still see how often the church fails to live up to what it preaches.

The unkindness can be intense. The misogyny can be exhausting. The suppression of women’s voices, rights, and agency is something that has bothered me deeply.

And that has made things hard.

Growing up, church was a constant in my life. As a pastor’s kid, we practically lived there. Sundays weren’t just church — they were full days of visits, prayer sessions, and community check-ins.

There was Tuesday Digging Deep.
Thursday Faith Clinic.
Friday Night Vigil.
Saturday Choir Practice.
Sunday Church.

And every month there was something else. A special program. A regional gathering. A visiting minister. Daddy G.O. in town.

Church wasn’t an event. It was a lifestyle.

So as an adult who travels frequently, it has been difficult to maintain that same rhythm. Strangely enough, one thing I sometimes look forward to about being married someday and starting a family is the possibility of routine.

Being home most of the year.
Going to church on Sundays.
Raising kids in that rhythm.

But then again, I ask myself: is that really the life I want?

Part of me still believes I could be a traveling husband. A traveling dad. A partner raising children while still exploring the world.

Maybe that life could still include faith in a different way. I don’t know.

That’s something I’ll probably need to figure out with God.

What I do know is that in 2025, I didn’t read my Bible as much as I should have. I didn’t live out my faith as intentionally as I wanted to.

And if I’m evaluating myself honestly, I know there are areas where I fell short.

My anger got the best of me sometimes.
My mouth did too.
My faithlessness showed up.

I lied to myself at times. I lied to people I care about.

That’s not the man God calls me to be.

I’m not saying this for applause or for people to comment on vulnerability. I’m saying it because self reflection matters.

I know I can be a better Christian. And I know that if I become a better Christian, I will naturally become a better man.

A better praying man.
A better giving man.
A more patient man.

And patience… God knows I need more of it.

As I get older, sometimes it feels like I have less grace in the tank for certain people or situations. That worries me. But that’s exactly why faith matters.

Faith requires conversation with God.
Time with God.
Submission.

Because if I’m doing those things consistently, maybe the connection grows stronger. Maybe the emptiness I sometimes feel begins to fade.

Because here’s the truth.

For all the countries I’ve visited…
For all the places I’ve seen…
For whatever people think I have — status, attention, movement —

There are still days where I wake up feeling empty.

Feeling undeserving. Feeling unworthy.

And I know that is not what God wants for me.

Part of that feeling comes from guilt — the sense that I’m not living exactly how I know I should.

So for 2025, my faith grade stays at C minus.

But in 2026? I’m still aiming for that B.

2025 Expected Score: B
2025 Final Score: C-
2026 Expected Score: B

FITNESS

Now let’s talk about fitness.

I loved fitness in 2025.

Ironically, I didn’t buy as many new gym outfits as I thought I would. I might need to correct that this year.

But I truly enjoyed being in the gym.

I’ve built a small community there. It’s funny because as I was writing this section today, someone at the gym stopped me to say something unexpected.

He told me I was an inspiration.

Apparently he had been watching how I work out — my form, the weights I use, the consistency — and he said it motivated him.

My first thought was: should I be concerned that you’ve been watching me this closely?

But my second thought was gratitude.

Fitness was good to me in 2025. Toward the end of the year, I made a conscious effort to change my diet. I realized I had gained a little weight and wanted to address it.

Before Thanksgiving, I managed to lose most of it.

Of course, then you travel to Nigeria. Then you keep traveling. And the holidays happen. So who knows where the scale is exactly right now.

But I do feel different.

I feel stronger.
I look a bit more toned.
The weights I’m lifting are heavier.

And that’s the best sign of progress.

What I’m most proud of is that I’ve learned to listen to my body more.

I don’t rush workouts anymore.
I don’t force them.
If my body needs rest, I take rest.

There was a time when five gym days a week felt mandatory. Now I’m more balanced about it.

But let me make something very clear.

2026 is the year I will be at the beach with my shirt off.

Yes, I said it.

Some of you who follow me on Instagram have seen the back shots. The back workouts have been putting in work.

But this year? We’re turning around to the front.

StairMaster.
Thirty minutes.
Sometimes an hour.

Outdoor walks.
Strength training.

I’m coming for it.

So prepare yourselves. Because when that beach moment comes — somewhere in Europe or the Caribbean — I will not be hearing any complaints.

The show is loading.

2025 Expected Score: A
2025 Final Score: B-
2026 Expected Score: A

CREATIVITY

Creativity… if I’m being honest, this area struggled in 2025.

I recorded a lot of content. My phone storage is constantly screaming at me. But recording and executing are two different things.

I didn’t edit or post nearly as much as I wanted to.

One thing I really wanted to do was get deeper into travel blogging. And as I write this, I’m actually planning to launch my YouTube channel.

So yes — that’s happening.

If you’re reading this, feel free to tell me what you’d want to see. Food content will definitely be there. Lifestyle content as well.

And of course travel.

I’ve also been proud of staying consistent with Words of Wednesday. And yes, I know I’ve been teasing a surprise for a few years now.

But maybe this year… the surprise actually comes.

We’ll see.

One thing I will say is that my confidence as a creator took a hit in 2025.
Losing followers can mess with your head. I know it’s normal for creators, but it still feels strange to post something and watch the numbers drop.

It made me hesitate at times.

But the truth is, I’m not posting a fake life online.

I live the life first.

Then sometimes — later — it becomes content.

Content doesn’t create my life. My life creates the content.

And that’s something I’ll always protect.

Recently I had a conversation with someone about why I continue to create content. And my answer was simple.

Because it inspires people.

I’ve seen messages from people who read something I wrote or watched something I shared and felt encouraged by it.

That’s powerful.

If simply living my life honestly can inspire someone else to live theirs more fully, then that is reason enough to keep going.

So creativity in 2025 gets a C plus from me.

Last year I gave myself a D. So technically, that’s progress.

But in 2026, the target is B territory.

More posting.
More storytelling.
More sharing.

And hopefully… you’ll all stick around for the ride.

2025 Expected Score: B
2025 Final Score: C+
2026 Expected Score: B

MONEY

I don’t think I’ve ever thought about money as much as I have in the last few weeks.

Finances have become a consuming part of my thoughts. And the irony is this: this is probably the brokest I’ve been in years in terms of liquid cash, but it is also the year where I might make some of the most significant financial decisions of my life.

That’s a strange place to be in.

But that’s where we are in 2026 so far.

Now, 2025 was good financially in many ways. I hit my savings goal for the first half of the year. The second half, though? Honestly, it’s a bit of a blur.

I don’t fully remember how I spent some of that time or where all the money went.

One major lesson I took from 2025 is this: front load your savings whenever possible.

That’s something I’m intentionally doing more of this year. If you can build your savings early in the year, it gives you breathing room when life inevitably gets busier or more expensive later on.

For me, the second half of the year tends to get chaotic. Travel picks up. Life gets fuller. Spending becomes easier.

Now, that might not be the case for you. Your financial rhythm might be the exact opposite. But the key is understanding how your year naturally flows and planning accordingly.

For me, it means tightening things up early.

And if there’s one piece of advice I’ll leave here, it’s simple:

Invest.

Invest. Invest. Invest.

Whether that’s through your Roth IRA, your 401k, ETFs, or whatever vehicle works best for you — just make sure your money is doing something beyond sitting there.

It’s very easy to keep working, earning, and spending without putting money into places where it can grow and multiply.

Emergency savings are important, yes.

But you also need your money to be making money.

That’s something I’m committed to doing more intentionally as we move deeper into 2026.
And we back on a weekly budget!

In 2018 when I was trying get my credit from the dumps of the 500s – I put myself on a strict weekly budget – $50/wk.
That was my spend on anything that wasn’t food, groceries or gas.
Not telling you what the 2026 number is but omo! We are back at it o.
So don’t ask me to go anywhere – I’m begging o because I won’t be able to say no. 😂

RELATIONSHIPS – we know this is why you are here. Big head. 😂

Relationships are… complicated.

2025 reminded me of something I already knew: my trust in people is very low.

I think I need to rebuild my faith in people. My faith in the depth of humanity. My belief that people can truly show up for one another.

Sometimes I almost don’t even want to test that belief.

And if I’m honest, I struggle with feeling alone more often than I’d like to admit.

That doesn’t mean there’s nobody in my life. That’s not the case at all. I have people around me.

But there are also a lot of complicated dynamics.

Proximity.
Availability.
Intentionality.

Each of those words represents a different relationship or friendship in my life. And carrying that complexity can feel heavy.

Sometimes it feels like you’re not getting the best version of what people could give you. Either because they’re unwilling… or because they simply aren’t capable.
That has been difficult.

Compatibility has become such a deep requirement. Not in just in romance but especially in friendship.
In depth and in-depth.
Depth in the person being such an incredible well of life that you fall and let yourself sink deeper into them while discovering layers that excite, challenge and motivate you.
One that also lets you know them more – that’s where the “in-depth” comes in.

People tell me the type of woman they think I’ll marry.
I agree – largely because they only think of who it will be based on one dimension of my life.
They all see different things but I see one thing – a discomfort with being average or ordinary.
It is the one thing that I can say with certainty she’ll have and this is from the man that likes bumbum above a lot of things o. Yes I like and I don’t care what you think because las las
Yakubu manageeee! 😂

Self-awareness is another thing that relationships have proven to be important. Not exclusive to romantic ones either.
I said this before but I truly believe that a lot of difficult conversations don’t need to be had if people had them with themselves first and as honestly as possible.
And it’s that self-awareness that brought me to the place of recognizing that I have had a history of pitching my tent with partners who expressing care or love that doesn’t come naturally to.
I had to sit down and ask – “Sanmi, why do you keep choosing partners that you have to be ‘okay’ with them not being affectionate or nurturing”. And that question was expensive in heartache and money to my therapist.

I don’t want to “teach” you how to love me. Or how to chase more in your life.
…that you should evolve and want more for yourself.
Or that your hair should be done or that you should clean up after your home.
No one should have to tell you that.
And sadly, you have to engage people that feel like they are perfect for you when they don’t even feel good enough for themselves.

Almost every free moment of mine is rooted in trying to evolve and better.
I don’t remember the last time I just said “that’s how I am” and felt good about it.
I struggle to talk about myself – writing here is easier.
It also feels easier to just pour out my thoughts vs sharing them with someone who may not be fully engaged or will personalize my pain and act like it is me trying to harm them.

I never realized how much I loved good morning messages till I stopped getting them.
Or how important it was to be with someone that you never had to question their intentions.
Nothing was passive-aggressive or a gotcha moment.
The simple.
But of course would that ever be enough for us? At the time, it was not enough for me and alas.

A few weeks ago, I looked love in the face and said “thank you for never holding back and expressing yourself to me”.
That gift is probably the best I got in 2025.
I hope you wait to open the 26th card.

In many ways, I think I became a more intentional friend in 2025.

I made an effort to spend time with people I care about. I showed up where I could. It was a difficult year for a lot of people in my life, and I’m grateful I had the opportunity to be present for them.

At the same time, it was also a beautiful year for some of my friends.

Marriages. Growth. Big life moments.
Watching those things unfold brought me a lot of joy.
But forgiveness… that part is still a work in progress.

There are a few friendships where I still feel deeply let down. And because of that, my heart has become a little more guarded when it comes to reaching out or investing energy.

If I’m being honest, I entered this year with a certain mindset.

A “people will receive exactly what they give me” type of mindset.

I wasn’t planning to go out of my way for people who don’t reach out. Not attending events. Not spending extra money to show up if the effort isn’t mutual.

No birthday messages.
No checking in.
No responding to messages.

All of that stuff adds up.

And while I still feel some of that energy, I’m also trying to be better about how I express those feelings and how I respond to them.

I’m still figuring that part out.

There are no guarantees.

Because truthfully, there are still moments where I’m very upset with certain people for certain reasons.

But life is about learning. Growing. Evolving.

And one thing I do want to be more intentional about this year is saying “I love you.”

Saying it more often.

Living more openly in that space.

There’s also another thing I’ve been thinking about lately: peace.

There have been moments in my life — sometimes when I’m traveling, sometimes when I’m in a quiet place in another country — where I feel this incredible sense of bliss.

It might last a week. Maybe a few days.

But in those moments, everything feels aligned.

I want that feeling more consistently in my life.

Not once or twice a year.

Every day.

Or at least something close to it.

I know that kind of peace requires work. Internal work. Emotional work. Spiritual work.

But I’m excited about the possibility of building toward that. Planting in The Garden and hopefully it brings fruit.

2025 also delivered a few surprises in the friendship department.
For example, I discovered that someone I care about — actually two people — had been speaking negatively about me behind my back.

In one of those situations, I had already apologized for something that caused them any inconvenience.

So learning that they were still harboring resentment and discussing me publicly hurt more than the gossip itself.

But again…

You live.
You learn.
You grow.

And one thing I’m confident about is this: if I apologized sincerely and my intention was never to hurt someone in the first place, then I’ve done my part.

That’s where my responsibility ends.

Moving forward, my focus is simple.

I want to be better about not putting myself in situations that lead to regret. I also want to be quicker about walking away from situations that don’t serve me.

Sooner rather than later. Because at the end of the day, life is still good.

2025 had its challenges, but overall it was a strong year in many ways.
And I’m genuinely looking forward to seeing what the next chapter brings.

What part of this resonated with you the most? Let me know in the comments.

Till next time.

Stay up.

Please leave me a comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

© 2026 #WhatTheHeckMan

How Many Times Are You Going to Ignore Your Intuition?

So how many times are you going to ignore your intuition? How many times are you going to silence the most consistent voice that has occupied your head for all these years?

I know it’s the hope that gets you. It’s the hope that makes you think this one will be different. This time won’t be like the last.

But at some point, you have to become responsible for understanding the threads within your life.

I’ll come back to that in a second.

As I write this right now, there is a throbbing sensation on the left side of my head. It has been there on and off since Saturday. Initially, when it started, I made the usual joke about how once you cross 30, any slight physical inconvenience makes you wonder whether you just need more sleep and water… or whether you’re somehow entering the final phase of your life.

After observing it closely — and trying to diagnose my life — I’ve come to understand that this particular pain is stress-driven.

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The Threads We Chase

Work is the busiest it’s been in a long time. And emotionally, I feel like I’ve been all over the place.

I truly believe that as people get older, one of the things they chase is a predictable balance across all areas of their lives.

But where I stand right now, there are so many threads to manage.

My friend’s mom having surgery.
Big next-life decisions concerning my health.
People getting engaged.
People falling in love.
People growing their families.

And in the middle of all of that, you find yourself asking:

How did I get here again?
How did I let these triggers get me to this point?
How did I take my eyes off the prize?

I’ve said it before: maturing is understanding what your highs look like, what your lows feel like, and how much of that you can control.

A lot of the stress I feel emotionally right now is either self-inflicted or the result of ignoring very blatant signs that I’ve always known.

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Mutual Interest Is Not Compatibility

One of the main reasons I’ve ended up in certain situations is this: earlier in my romantic life, I felt like people I loved gave up on me — or on what we were building — too easily.

Because of that, I developed this instinct to never give up on anyone I care about.

Friends.
Partners.
Even people I work with.

But here’s the problem.

If you’re not strict about protecting your happiness and your peace, eventually that peace gets altered. All you’re doing is punting the problem from affecting you in March to affecting you in August.

And if you’re mature and self-aware enough, you’ll feel the discomfort early. That subtle misalignment. That unease in your spirit.

You know when you’re being breadcrumbed.
You know when you’re focusing only on the positives.
You know when, if you forensically analyze it, this person may not actually be right for your life.

Mutual interest — and even mutual alignment — does not mean compatibility.

Liking someone doesn’t mean they’re good for you.

Caring about someone doesn’t mean they should occupy your space.

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The Rain Analogy

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again.

If it’s raining outside and you see kids playing in the rain, and you decide to join them while dressed in white, the mud that splashes on your clothes is your fault.

But the mud that hits you just from being outside? That’s not your fault.

When you ignore the early signals — whether it’s the throbbing on the left side of your head or the unease you feel in certain conversations — and you override that for the reward of hope… you are choosing to step into the rain.

Old triggers don’t always come back in the same form. Sometimes they reincarnate slightly modified.

And I’m tired of making similar mistakes.

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Accountability Isn’t Always Comfortable

I hate 5 a.m. flights. I will only take them if they’re the last resort or the only option to get me where I need to be.

There are things I cannot tolerate. And frankly, should not.

Recently, I thanked one of my favorite people in my life for being someone who openly shares how they feel about me and the space I occupy in their life.

That gratitude was only possible because I was able to forensically analyze my life — my friendships, my romantic decisions.

I have a very functional fear of certain types of people, especially certain types of women in relationships. But I also had to hold myself accountable.

For a stretch of my life, I attracted the:
“Oh, I’m much better in person.”
“Oh, I’m nonchalant and cold over the phone.”
“Oh, I light up only when we’re in the same room.”

But I also had to admit: I know I don’t want to be with someone who can’t articulate their feelings.

I know I’m not comfortable being with someone who is overly emotional about everything.

And you have to be brutally honest about why you do what you do.

Was I lonely and didn’t know it?
Did I just like the attention?

An ex-friend once told me, during a reconciliation attempt with someone I loved:

“Sanmi, you’re only doing this for your ego. You want to be the one who ends it before they end it with you.”

That hurt. But it was true.

Recognizing that made it easier to let things be.

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Protection Can Still Cause Harm

People create mechanisms to protect themselves.

But it is entirely possible for someone to protect themselves in a way that harms you.

You’re trying to connect with someone who is evasive because they’re guarding against heartbreak. But in their protection, they’re hurting you.

Maturity is understanding that both things can be true.

Growth is realizing that sometimes holding your tongue to keep the peace doesn’t create peace. It creates misunderstanding.

At the same time, being quick to push someone away isn’t always strength. Sometimes it’s fear.

“I don’t want to get too close so I don’t get hurt.”

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Finding Your Way Back to Yourself

As I write this, I’m about to get on a flight to Miami.

The last time I was at that airport, my heart was heavy. I felt unseen. Unappreciated. Uncared for.

Two completely different seasons. But I can track the similarities between how I felt then and how I feel now.

And I say all of this to say:

You deserve grace.

And in this case, that “you” includes me.

Understanding where I’ve gone wrong is growth. Understanding why the left side of my head is throbbing is growth.

But the next level is learning to mitigate the things that lead to that pain in the first place.

There’s no perfect science.

The best thing we can do is improve every single day.

Be honest with yourself.
Be kind with yourself.
Be strict with yourself.

Know when the negatives are creeping in.
Know when to close the door.
Know when to leave it open for what is good.

But most importantly — find your way home.

Till next time.

Stay up.

Please leave me a comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

© 2026 #WhatTheHeckMan

I’m coming from my friend’s wedding as I get these thoughts in my head, heading back to my hotel. In my mind, there are many things that we as human beings want and need to keep us fulfilled, engaged, inspired, motivated, and so on. As I head home, it could be because I’ve just spent all this time around love and celebration.

There’s still a part of me that feel somewhat saddened by the emptiness of not having my person in that specific regard, like not having love, but having the secured love, and like the secured forever love, the marriage dotted line, and all that. I’d open up this piece by just saying, get you someone who polishes your shoes and irons your clothes. Now, for my women followers, I know you’re probably freaking out because you just heard ironing, but the polishing of the shoes and the ironing are both metaphors for what I’m exactly speaking about.

What I’m more speaking about is someone with the intense, whoa, whoa, whoa, what the heck is wrong with you? What I’m most speaking about is someone who considers you in the purest, most organic and non-influenced ways. I think you get to a certain point of your life where there’s an intangible that you hope that you get from your partner and the communities that you are a part of. I remember thinking about myself as I was evaluating and trying to better understand my life, decisions that I’ve made, and things of that nature.

I was exploring the things that I think I am great at and the things that probably need a bit more work. I think I am the lover that polishes your shoes and irons your clothes. I don’t know if it was an upbringing thing or if it was how I have just come to be as a man, but if we’re on vacation or we’re in, not even on vacation, if we’re in my house and we’re getting ready for date night and I intend to iron a shirt, I’m more than likely, I’m almost 100% confident that I would ask, what are you wearing so I can iron it? More importantly, one thing I’ve noticed and observed about myself is I typically would iron theirs first before mine.

It’s not lost on me why that is and it’s because I feel like if you have the skill set to alleviate stress for your partner, that is exactly what you should do. I find that one of the ways that I’ve probably felt the most let down in relationships, romantic relationships particularly, is someone who considers my shoes and my clothes first. It feels rare.

It feels like something that is not even common anymore, but a part of me still believes it possible for folks to still enjoy that reality of being able to have someone that prioritizes you and puts you first. A lot of us haven’t experienced that in a while and I think it’s important that whenever people hear things like that, they don’t automatically jump into the defense mode of, no, I definitely am that partner. I think the depth of what I’m describing is in it being a lived action where this person just shows up loving you in that particular way.

It’s not just on a good day or on the day that they’re responsible for managing you. The home or the relationship, that is who they are naturally and who they show up to be with you. Something really, really beautiful about that.

Please leave me a comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

© 2026 #WhatTheHeckMan

Dancing in Rio

1:12 a.m.
Don’t ask me why I’m outside right now, because I really should be asleep, especially since I have an early morning. I’m going to see the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio, Brazil. That tells you where I am, but it doesn’t fully capture how excited I am to see another wonder of the world. I am very, very excited about that.

Someone asked me what my next travel goal would be, seeing as I’ve now been to 40 countries just before my 35th birthday. I said I want to see the remaining wonders of the world before my 40th birthday. The old and the new wonders of the world before the next decade of my life feels like the right challenge.

Right now, I’m walking back to my hotel room holding food from McDonald’s and a place called Fat Guys. I couldn’t fully trust either one of them to deliver exactly what I wanted, but considering how cheap it is to get food here, I figured McDonald’s is dependable to a certain degree. You usually know what you’re going to get with them. Fat Guys had great ratings online and seemed cool, so I decided to give it a shot. Between the two of them, I’m hoping this turns into a solid midnight meal.

I also stopped by the pharmacy to grab some water. What feels most interesting about tonight isn’t the wandering itself, but the reminder that I truly enjoy finding time to connect with myself when I travel. Mostly when I’m outside the country. I get excited about trying new things and new foods, and while I didn’t fully lean into that tonight since I ended up at McDonald’s, I’m glad I still made the effort to explore.

Travel has a way of humbling you. At the restaurant, I was trying to communicate with the staff, and everyone was speaking Portuguese. I knew absolutely nothing. I just stood there trying to explain what I wanted. At one point, I was desperately trying to get this guy to understand that I wanted extra sweet and sour sauce. Eventually, I realized he wasn’t refusing me. You simply have to pay for the sauce, and even if you’ve already purchased some, you still have to pay for more.

It was such a small moment, but it made me pause. As well-traveled and adaptable as I like to think I am, I’m still a stranger in someone else’s world. In their minds, they might be wondering why I don’t know their language or why I can’t communicate more easily. Meanwhile, I’m standing there trying to figure out how to express myself clearly just to get what I need and move on.

If you know me, you know I believe there’s no point in complaining about things you have the power to change. So I’ve decided I’m going to learn Spanish this year. I’ve heard it transfers well to Portuguese. I’ve also done some groundwork with French, which might be easier to pick back up, but Spanish feels more practical, especially since I plan to explore more of South America.

It’s actually wild to think that out of the 40 countries I’ve visited, most have been in North America and Europe, with a handful in Africa. I really haven’t explored South America much, and I’m genuinely excited to change that. Brazil is just the beginning. Chile, Peru, and more are definitely on the list. It’s shaping up to be a good year.

I’ll probably continue this blog post before I publish it… or maybe I won’t. For now, I just wanted to get these thoughts down while the moment is still fresh.

Manufacturing Happiness and Choosing Peace

Is it impossible to imagine that you’ve used the phrase “fake it till you make it” before? Most of us have. In many cases, we’re told to fake it till we make it as a way to influence our subconscious to believe something that isn’t yet our reality. Today, we call it manifesting, the cooler and more modern label.

But I can’t say I ever manifested this moment.

Walking through a park less than 100 yards from the beach in Brazil, listening to children play and watching families spend quality time together, I feel at peace. I feel happy.

I’m floating on a cloud right now, figuratively, of course. I’m not actually on a cloud, but you get the point. Truthfully, I feel blessed to be in this space and to have the ability to choose to be here. Now, that Amex Platinum bill next month might be a different conversation, but for this moment, there’s comfort in simply enjoying where I am.

It makes me think about happiness and how many of us misunderstand it. I believe a certain type of person has to manufacture happiness from within. You have to decide what happiness looks like for you and then actively pursue it. It won’t be handed to you, and it rarely comes easily. You have to determine the type of life you want and what is required for you to feel fulfilled.

Yes, sometimes you have to fake it until you make it, but more importantly, you have to be intentional about it. Intentional to a fault. Not just calculated in how you move toward happiness, but laser-focused on creating pockets in your life that make you feel alive.

That’s something I want to do more of this year. I’ve improved at it as I’ve gotten older. I’ve become better at recognizing the spaces that make me feel happy and grounded. But I still have moments where I lose focus. I wait until I’m overwhelmed before I act. I wait until my back is tight before I schedule a massage. I wait until I feel claustrophobic before booking a trip. I wait until guilt creeps in before calling certain friends or family members, even though I know those connections bring me joy.

It’s in my best interest to build happiness into my daily life and create routines that allow me to experience it more often.

As I watch people move around while preparing to ride up Sugarloaf Mountain in Rio de Janeiro, I want you to think about the top three things that make you happy. Look at your life and identify those three things. Then ask yourself how intentional you are about building at least one of them into your daily life and all three into your weekly or biweekly routine.

Maybe it’s spending time with friends, family, or your community. Maybe it’s going outside, working out, or simply carving out time for yourself. Whatever it is, make space for it regularly.

I hope to feel as happy as I do in this moment throughout this year and beyond. How realistic that is, given adulthood and the state of the world, is debatable. But what is within my control is scheduling time that prioritizes me and keeps me connected to my core. I hope you do the same this year.

I also want to take a moment to say thank you. Thank you to everyone who reads this blog and shares space with my thoughts. An even bigger thank you to everyone who sent birthday wishes last week. I pray that we all experience happiness and joy in good health and sound mind throughout this year.

This is our third post of the year, and we’re only about five and a half weeks in. We’ve missed a couple of weeks, but we’re doing well. I do want to get better at scheduling posts ahead of time, though that’s challenging because I often wait to see if a new or more pressing thought surfaces that I want to share.

There are things I’ve tweeted about that I considered expanding on here, but honestly, I’m choosing to focus forward. I haven’t been perfect in any phase of my life, and I know there is always room for growth. What I have decided, however, is to prioritize spaces that make me feel safe and keep my nervous system at ease.

It has also reinforced something I’ve quietly believed: most people operate with some form of self-interest. That may sound cynical, but it feels realistic. Still, I want this post to remain rooted in happiness, so I’ll save that deeper conversation for another time.

What I will say is this: be good and do good because you genuinely want to be good. If the good you do is tied to an expectation of return, whether internal or external, it often stops being genuine. It might feel good in the moment, but if the outcome doesn’t match your expectations and you feel the need to remind people of what you did for them, that says more than the original act ever could.

How you respond when things don’t go your way is often more revealing than how you behave when everything is perfect.

Maybe I’ll revisit that topic later. Or maybe this version of me leaves it here because I’d rather bask in the peace, joy, and serenity I’m experiencing right now. That feels far more important.

With that, I’m closing this post by saying welcome to my new year and my birthday season. I’m officially celebrating my birthday for the entire month of February. I’ve never done that before since my birthday falls at the end of January, but we’re evolving. Starting next year, I’m extending it even further. January becomes my birth month, beginning January 2nd because I’ll respectfully leave January 1st for gratitude and reflection. From January 2nd through the first week of February, it’s my season.

I’ll hopefully see you next week with my 2025 review. Saying that out loud might help me commit to actually writing it. I’ll also be sharing photos from my trip to Brazil. If you want to see more, head over to my social media.

Until next time, stay up.

Please leave me a comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

© 2026 #WhatTheHeckMan

I’ve always wondered about the concept of your life flashing before your eyes. I never understood it.
It didn’t seem feasible or likely that, at the exact moment of impact, our mind has the capacity to immediately deliver a perfected carousel of your life’s highlights.

A few hours before I started writing this, someone asked me, how would you describe your 2025?
I honestly and simply replied, “It was a good year. Good things happened to people I love around me, and for me, that was a good year.”
Almost verbatim.
It was a good year.

I have never had a year where I beckoned the coming year. I’ve just never been that type of person.
And I am still not that person as I write this. But as I worshipped in church today, my hands lifted up and tears streamed down my face, it flashed.

Not every single moment, but a handful of pivotal ones.
I remember driving from Austin to Dallas in record time because the person I love the most in the world was being rushed to the hospital.
Or when I knew I shouldn’t have gone to Houston and was microseconds away from being T-boned.
Did I forget the numerous moments that could have easily become a Final Destination moment?

Sometimes you have a “good year,” and sometimes you have a GOD year.
I won’t mislead you with a faux deep breakdown about how it was this year that I found God more and what not, but His hand was all over the year.
I would randomly walk out of the house and just say, “Thank you, God.”
The year felt like a constant opportunity to give gratitude, to be in gratitude.

I don’t know how I could have done this year without God, and I simply couldn’t have.
The grace was constant, the blessings evident, the mercy consistent, His kindness present, and His forgiveness never distant.
I am grateful for the sound of reconcilable love and the recognizable voice of God.
There is something about knowing that God’s love is secure.My life has been a big thank you for fighting my battles for me and thank you for not leaving me to the wishes of my enemies or my own bad decisions.

So how was 2025?
It was moving. It felt fast but full.
The spaces that filled me with love and laughter. Celebrations that required short drives and TSA lines.
The ability to love on the people that I care about and hold space.

I’m in church, seated next to the person I came into 2025 with, and that itself is the grace of God.
It is not by our power, because we have seen people more careful than us, but He continues to find grace for us.
I am grateful for 2025.

2026 is what you make it to be.
Ask for grace. For favor.
Alignment.
Mercy.
If you are reading this right now, you’re either at church, a club, or back in the US or Canada, waiting for time for church.
In 2026, we don’t go again.

We grow again.

We stay rooted and committed to what we have been commended to.

For every single person that read a line of my heart this year, thank you.
You made the year so much easier to flow in.
Is this the year I return to full consistency with sharing my art?
I think so.
We have so much to take ownership of in 2026, and I shall have what I decree.

Here’s to an amazing year. I’ll see you soon.

I love you all.
Till next time, stay up!

The Wordsmith.❤️

⸻

I’ve just gotten off a call that took me almost 30 minutes to end.
I’m currently sitting at the edge of my bed, staring down at my white socks covering my black knee-length socks.
Yes, I wear two pairs sometimes — especially in the winter.
I get cold easily. My feet, that is, not my heart. That one stays warm. Sometimes lukewarm, but never cold. And when it gets hot, it gets hot.
But this particular post isn’t really about my heart… maybe a little bit, maybe a lot. I don’t know. We’ll find out together.

It’s another Wednesday.
I believe this might be my third Wednesday in a row posting on my blog, which makes me very happy. I need to cook — finish cooking, actually — because I have some travel coming up and I need to pack. Normally I’d have started packing early, but since it’s a short weekend trip and the outfits are already decided by the events, it’s easier to pack later.

But I wanted to talk a little about my heart and what I’ve been feeling — not in the way you may expect. So pay attention, stay close, and welcome to another Words on Wednesday with your gracious host, The Wordsmith. Writing that out actually made me think… huh, I really need to bring my podcast back.
So is that a 2025 thing I can still make happen, or will it be early 2026?

I’ve been thinking — especially on International Men’s Day — about what it means to be a man. People love to throw out terms like “provider” and “protector,” but I think there’s so much more to being a man, and even more to being a good man. So let’s go through some of the things I’ve been reflecting on.

The heart can carry so much. I’ve realized I hold in a lot in the name of protecting or caring for those around me. My voice is often silenced, and that’s an incredible burden — carrying the weight of other people’s feelings because of their behavior. How come no one thinks about how unfair that is?

So yes, I bite my tongue when I should speak, because sometimes it doesn’t feel worth the aftermath. A few weeks ago, I wrote that people often want to “talk things out” simply because they don’t want to do the work of thinking on their own. People pour out energy because someone else refuses to sit with themselves and say, “Maybe I’m the one messing up.”

A lot of men, like myself, are required to be silent about what we truly feel. It’s expected — you’re supposed to just eat it. I’ve never understood this idea that men are meant to move through the world as if we’re always wrong. Maybe some people believe that, maybe there’s a little truth in it, but it’s not something I’m accepting as fact.

As I go into this next year, it’s important that I approach the world with a sense of duty — not just to others, not just to people I care about, but a duty to myself. A duty to say, “No, I will not burden myself with this or that.” I deserve that. I truly do.
I want to pour more energy into that in the coming year, to make sure I’m approaching this phase of adulthood differently.

Being a man, to me, is also understanding your triggers — the obvious ones and the quiet ones that creep in. It’s being able to acknowledge where the world has hurt or failed you, but also choosing to be more than what the world gave you. We owe that to ourselves. I owe that to me. You owe that to you.

Being a man is nurturing healthy relationships, creating healthy communities, and building spaces where you can be the best kind of man you can be. It’s standing on your integrity even when challenges come. It’s saying, “This is who I am,” and not wavering at your core.

It’s also recognizing where responsibility is required of you — not to be silent, not to be passive, not to simply accept what’s handed to you, but to step into the void and be more for those around you. Many of you are gifted, blessed in ways you see and in ways you don’t. But many of us wait for the perfect moment to be impactful.

People tell me all the time, “Oh, what you’re doing with your give-back is so cool. I’d love to do something like that, but I haven’t found the opportunity.” And I always say: the first year, we started with five kids. Five. Now we stand in rooms with dozens. It wasn’t from chasing perfection — it was from starting. One day became two, two became three, and suddenly we were impacting kids across cities, across levels of life.

There’s a kid in your YMCA. There’s a kid in your church. They could use your insight, your confidence, your lens. Why hold that back?

Being a man is about kindness — not just kindness to the world, but kindness to yourself. Many of us were raised to be extremely critical of ourselves. We need to remind ourselves that we are not just worthy, but deserving. You deserve someone who sees you, who cares for you, who holds space for you. You deserve that. We deserve that.

Being a man is not just about the small pockets you occupy — it’s also about the big ones. It’s about stepping into spaces that remind you that you are valuable, important, and defined.

Please don’t believe that being a man means carrying all the weight alone. One thing I intend to work on next year is asking for help. Asking for help has been extremely difficult for me — not because I don’t want help, but because I’ve been let down so many times, even by well-intentioned people.
It’s caused heartache to realize I couldn’t rely on people I cared about. But it’s something I can improve on. Something I should do better with. I need to ask for help.

This is the busiest, most demanding period of my life so far — and I don’t even have kids. What happens when I do? I don’t want to think about that right now, but you get my point. We can do more for ourselves. We should do more with ourselves.

So before this month ends, do something fun for you. Get a massage. Take a walk. Buy yourself something nice. Black Friday is around the corner — take advantage.
Do something that reminds you your existence is not just to provide and protect.
It is to live.
It is to laugh.
It is to be hugged and to hug.
It is to love and to be loved.
It is to give and to be received.
It is to build, expand, deepen, strengthen, amplify.
Your existence is for joy.

You are a man. And today, and every day, I salute you for doing your part — for doing just a little more to become the man you want to be and the man beyond that.

Till we speak again, keep your head up. My heart is with you. My thoughts are with you.
You fully deserve to be happy.

Happy International Men’s Day. ❤️

Please leave me a comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

© 2025 #WhatTheHeckMan

“Ki lo n wa kiri?”

— What Are You Looking for All Over the Place?

Growing up, you would hear your mom, caregiver, auntie, or uncle say, “Ki lo n wa kiri?” — which in Yoruba means, “What are you looking for all over the place?” It’s usually said when you’re being scattered, disoriented, or not paying attention.

That phrase applies deeply to this moment in my life — as I think about the pain, heartbreak, and frustration I’ve experienced in adulthood, whether romantically or in platonic situations.

Recently, as I approached the end of my yearly self-review — which I highly encourage everyone to do — I began reflecting on my goals, ambitions, and the conversations I’ve had with myself. While heartbreak, frustration, pain, joy, and loss have all been recurring themes this year, I’ve realized that much of my heartache came from ignoring my inner voice.

I’m at an age now where I know myself well. I can tell quickly if someone or something deserves a place in my life. I can also tell when something or someone is just a placeholder — a distraction from doing genuine healing.

There were seasons in my past where I stumbled from one situation to another, more focused on staying busy than getting better. But this year, I’ve truly embraced solitude. I’ve learned to sit with myself, to reflect deeply on who I am and who I want to become.

It’s not enough to write down goals or talk about growth — execution matters. You owe it to yourself to give your future self the best chance possible. As I reviewed this year, I realized I don’t need to apologize for certain interactions or spaces. If anything, I owe it to myself to step away from places and people that don’t uplift me or bring me closer to my goals.

If you take one thing away from this blog, let it be this:
Whatever action you’re about to take, ask yourself —
Does it get me closer or farther from my goals?
Does it give me clarity, confirmation, or guidance?
If not, maybe it’s time to start healing and pulling yourself out of that space.

It’s so easy to just exist — to tolerate “good enough.” But I did a personal audit recently and realized there’s an area of my life where I’ve settled. I’ve tolerated situations that didn’t bring me comfort or care because I felt I wasn’t good enough. That ends now.

As I move into the summer of 2026, I’m holding myself even more accountable. I’ve noticed how often I’m tired — stretched in directions I don’t need to be. I need to be in spaces that pour into me and remind me of my worth.

I’m currently on a weight-loss cut — part of a journey I’ve been on for a few years. It’s had its ups and downs, but one truth has remained: I’m committed to my evolution. I’ve said it before — discipline is one of the greatest acts of self-love. Discipline is a love letter to your future self. It’s saying, “I love you enough to sacrifice today’s comfort so you can thrive tomorrow.”

Someone recently asked if I’d ever consider surgery or weight-loss aids like Ozempic. Honestly, I’ve had moments of temptation — it’s hard not to when you see others take shortcuts. But there’s something powerful about proving your love to yourself through the work.

This week alone, two strangers complimented me — saying I’m slimming down and looking stronger. External validation is nice, but internal confirmation is everything. When I look in the mirror, I know I worked for this. I prayed, sacrificed, and stayed disciplined to become who I am today.

That’s what I mean when I talk about love letters to your future self.

I’ve said before (I think I have) that I want my kids to have the most well-rounded dad possible. I love my father deeply — he’s one of the smartest, most grounded men I know. He taught me what depth looks like. I always say, drop my dad anywhere in the world and he’ll connect with people instantly. I love that about him — and I’ve picked that up too.

But I want to take it further. I want my kids to inherit a graduated version of that. As I write this, I’m approaching 40 countries visited in 34 years — something my dad never had the chance to do. That’s progress.

My dad’s stories are about sourcing materials in Argentina, managing production lines in Italy, and building a business from the ground up after sending himself to school in Manchester. He also passed down our shared love for Manchester United — and yes, we’re starting to win again. You’ve all been warned.

This journey — of growth, travel, and self-reflection — is my love letter to my wife, my kids, my extended family, and my community. I love when people call on me for knowledge or support. It’s important to keep investing in myself so I can continue to pour into others.

What is one way you are writing a love letter to your future self?

So back to the surgery conversation — I thought about it, I considered it. But I’m committed to doing the work. The only “surgery” I’ve joked about is maybe something cosmetic down the line (a little platelet boost so the abs show faster), but truthfully, I’m too dedicated to this process to skip steps.

I want to look back one day and say, “I built this.”
I want my wife and kids to see me and believe they can conquer anything — because their father did.

This isn’t just about having the best body or money or stamps in my passport. I want it all to be authentic.

This morning, as I got ready for the gym, I burst into praise and worship. I thought about how much I love my parents and how that ritual — morning worship — shaped me. Growing up, we’d all sing together, and as we got older, we each took turns leading. It taught me confidence, gratitude, and reverence.

I can’t wait to give that same experience to my own kids — to raise them in love, faith, and self-awareness.

So today, ask yourself:
What kind of love letter are you writing to your future self?
What conversations will your future self thank you for?

Remember, this is a process. Evolution takes time. Don’t cut corners. Don’t forget — you deserve the best version of you, even before the rest of the world meets that person.

Till next time, stay up.

Thank you for reading!



Please leave me a comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

© 2025 #WhatTheHeckMan

Morning Thoughts: Procrastination, Self-Conversation, and the Weight of Being “The One”

Good morning, y’all — or maybe good afternoon, good evening, or hello from wherever in the world you’re reading this. I sometimes forget that I’m blessed to have people who read my work or watch my content from all over the world. I need to start acting like it again because, for a second, I think I forgot.

Anyway, it’s morning as I write this. I’m trying to decide what to wear to work. I hadn’t planned to go into the office today, but there’s a company-wide event being televised locally, and I figured I’d go in to support.

Truth be told, I haven’t been going in much lately. Between meetings, reports, and projects, I’ve been swamped. And if you’re anything like me — social, popular, or just someone people like catching up with — your productivity drops when you’re in the office. I get so much done in terms of community-building and connection, but I end up back home in the evening catching up on actual work, which isn’t ideal.

Most days I prefer my rhythm: gym, then work, then unwind. But today’s different.

Don’t Let Procrastination Win

Last night before bed, I debated whether to wash the dishes. I was exhausted — hadn’t eaten all day (don’t judge me). I wanted to skip it and just do them in the morning. And sometimes, that’s okay. I’m not here to preach absolutes.

But I told myself: “Yes, you could do it in the morning… or you could just do it now and wake up with one less thing to do.”
You can probably guess which option I chose.

Ten, maybe fifteen minutes later, the dishes were done. I didn’t feel like it mattered at the time — I was just doing it, slightly annoyed. But this morning? I woke up thankful. That little act of not giving in to procrastination changed the tone of my morning.

Small wins matter.

Sometimes the thing you’ve been avoiding takes way less time or energy than you think. I’ve learned to apply that same mentality to work — to just start, even when it feels inconvenient.

So here’s my word for you today:
Look around your space. Is there something you’ve been punting down the road? Do it. Start small. Get it off your list. Clear the weight of “later.”

The Lost Art of Talking to Yourself

I’ve noticed that a lot of people love talking about things — not necessarily to understand them, but because they don’t know how to have conversations with themselves.

Now, don’t get me wrong — talking things out is healthy. But sometimes people rely on external conversations to do the internal work they’ve been avoiding.

Me? I talk to myself about everything. Decisions I make and don’t make. What I said, what I didn’t say. How I show up. Why I react the way I do. I interrogate my own mind constantly.

So when some people want to “process” something with me, I sometimes find it exhausting — not because I don’t care, but because I’ve already had that conversation internally. I already know my blind spots, my lapses, my growth edges.

Too often, people use conversations as the first real time they’re confronting their truth. And that’s why those conversations feel so heavy — because they haven’t done the pre-work with themselves.

So before you start another long “we need to talk” session, ask yourself:
Have I already said everything I need to say to myself?
Have I sat with the root — the why behind the feeling — or am I outsourcing my self-reflection?

True conversations are powerful when both people have already done their inner work. Otherwise, you end up talking in circles with someone who’s still discovering what you’ve already processed.

The Weight of Being “The One”

Yesterday, I was on a call with a close friend and felt this wave of anxiety and irritation wash over me. Lately, I’ve noticed I’m not as excited to interact with people. Human interaction feels… heavy.

It’s not that I don’t love people — I do. But I’m tired.

I was talking to another friend about their family situation, and a thought crossed my mind: Who’s going to save you?

Because honestly, sometimes God is all we have. And that’s not just a phrase — it’s reality.

I’ve had countless conversations about my career and future, but at the end of the day, I always circle back to the same truth: if something goes wrong, it’s on me to fix it.

That realization is both sobering and motivating. It saddens me because I know I don’t have that safety net that some people have — the family that pays for college, buys the first car, funds the first business. I used to envy that.

Now I just want to make sure my future kids don’t feel that same void.

Still, it’s exhausting. It feels like every time my phone rings, it’s someone needing something — help, advice, money, support. Rarely do people call to pour into me.

And that’s not bitterness speaking; it’s just honesty. Two things can be true: I can love being there for people and still feel drained by the imbalance.

I’ve watched how men — strong, capable men — end up in strange, painful situations, and I get it now. Sometimes we just want to feel seen. We crave spaces that recognize us. And when the people we love don’t see us, we drift toward environments that do — even if they’re not healthy ones.

I’m grateful I’ve learned to recognize that need before it traps me. I never want to chase being seen in the wrong place just because I’m unseen in the right one.

Final Thought

Have you ever dated someone who seemed to be pushing you to break up with them?
They go cold, stop engaging, stop building, ignore your messages, your effort, your energy — almost like they’re daring you to call it quits?

If you’ve ever been in that situation, I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

Anyway — it feels good to be back. Sorry this one ran long; clearly, I had a few things on my mind. I need to get better at scheduling posts because when I try to write on the day of, real life always catches up.

But until I figure that out — here’s another submission from my brain.

Take care of yourself.
Prioritize your mental health.
You deserve a love that’s loud, intentional, and rooted in care — not convenience.
And I hope you find it. But more importantly, I hope you are that kind of love for others too.

Till next time,

Eniiwaju.

I am currently sitting on my couch in my living room and have spent the better part of the evening here. It is 1:38 a.m., and I’m about to have a scoop or two scoops of ice cream and a cookie—one of the best cookies I’ve ever had in my life.

They’re from Sweet Charlie’s in Austin, Texas. I love them. I specifically go to the farmer’s market every week, or every couple of weeks—because sometimes I buy in bulk—to grab them.

Anyways, the reason why I brought up the cookies is because it’s late.
I had dinner probably at about 8:30. It was a late dinner because I was working, plus I had to make dinner.

I had Indomie and a very random thing. For as much as I can cook and as much as I’ve been cooking for years, Indomie and frying eggs have not been my strong suits—up until recently. My egg game is so much better than it used to be.

My best friend seems to think that his eggs are the best, but he needs to try my new and improved version. We stopped living together a little over 18 months ago, and in that time, I’ve gotta say, I can give him a run for his money. But you know, he doesn’t want to see me out on these streets. That being said, I am about to have dessert—a very late dessert—but before I do that, I’m going to post on my blog. That’s part of the reason why I am staying awake.

I was working, but right before I was about to go to sleep, I realized that it is Wednesday. Even though I have been posting on my blog for the last few weeks, if you haven’t read them, you can read them here.

A lot has happened in the last couple of weeks that I haven’t shared with you guys, so I figured I’d do that before I go to bed. Hopefully, if you get a chance to read this, you’ll let me know your thoughts, share them with me, and we can talk.

The first thing that I want to touch on is the absolute importance of taking care of your light. For a lot of people, that light is in the people we surround ourselves with. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not here to say that there’s no light in us directly—I believe there is—but I also believe that there is magic in the people we keep around us.

Something happened in my family in the last couple of weeks that threatened to take away my light. I actually watched myself become a shadow of who I am, and in many ways, it’s given me better perspective for some of what— and I use that word loosely—some of what my closest friends have experienced in the last couple of years.

I worried. I could not sleep. I prayed. And even that comes with another layer—being faced with trials and tribulations, calling on God, and almost feeling guilty for doing that because then the devil wants you to question yourself and ask: “Did you call on God this frequently when everything was smooth?”

Even that reality, or that challenge, is not something I had fully anticipated going into adulthood, going into this year, and it definitely was something that I had to navigate in the last couple of weeks.

I won’t say much, because honestly there’s not much to say here, and I think for those of you that are sensitive enough—either in mind or in spirit—you can read between the lines and figure out what I’m referencing.

With that, I have to devote more time and more energy to carefully and consistently loving on my people. So, if there’s anything that I can take away from this entire post this week, it’s this: intentionally love your people. Call more. Make more time. Linger more with them. Hug a little bit tighter. Smile back. Send pictures. Take pictures. Keep them alive in your heart and keep them alive in all the things that you do on a daily basis.

Yes, it has been a challenging couple of weeks, but I want to thank those who are close to me—those that knew what was going on, those that remembered to check in, those that care but, you know, life is life-changing for them as well. So thank you to those that remember to check in. I see you. I care. I hope you’re doing well, and I hope that we continue to do well on this side of the aisle as well.

——-

Well, that was fun! I clocked four years at my job a few weeks ago.

If you had told me when I was getting this job four years ago that I was going to be at this company for four years, I probably would have said yes. I think I’m a loyal person. I have a sense of loyalty, even though I wouldn’t sit here and promise you that I was deeply loyal to any company. But if you add my sense of loyalty to my quest for stability, you can probably understand why I’m the type of employee that, if happy, stays at a company for a while.

It’s also just an added bonus that I really like the people that I work with. The work is fun, the work is challenging, and the work is at the forefront of what is happening in the world today with AI, with improvements and innovations. So it’s an exciting time to do what I do.

It’s an exciting time to be afraid, to be concerned, to lean into AI, to learn more—and that’s what I’m trying to do. I hope that you are doing the same for yourself in the pockets that you occupy as well.

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Hmmmmm. So the heart is very interesting. It’s very complex. It’s so interesting how the heart is just a ridiculously complex contraption. Because not only does it, in a small way, do everything to keep you alive and ticking, it also has a way of humbling you and making you pause for a second.

I did something unintentionally—I don’t know if it was early this week or mid last week, probably late last week. In an attempt to explore something, I posted something that may have given someone—or some people—the wrong impression or the wrong message. It was interesting to me to watch the reactions after that.

But then it got me thinking: Why does the heart do what it does? Why does it know that you deserve so much more than what you have been given, but still connect with certain things or certain people? Why does the heart look at you and say, “Hey, I know you’re afraid, and I know it took you courage to run from here, but oh, how much you miss that space or that place”?

One thing I’m trying to appreciate more and give myself grace for is allowing myself to make mistakes. I’m in the last half of the first half of my thirties. And there’s such a crippling fear of getting it wrong.

I feel like I don’t have time to get it wrong. I don’t have time to make the wrong career move, relationship move, or spiritual move. And it’s not always a case of feeling like I’m going to let God down. Sometimes it’s a case of worrying that I would let myself down—that I would drop all my standards or forget who I am and what I stand for.

Some of it is unfounded, my anxiety. Some of it is my need—not necessarily to be perfect—but my need to not default to imperfection, or be comfortable with imperfection.

So yeah, I put a lot of pressure on myself. And in that instance, I realized there are still parts of my life that I miss. Parts of my life that I wish made more sense. Parts of my life that I wish I could sit down and talk about—with past friends, past lovers, past people.

Life is interesting.

While we’re on this topic, a story I’ll tell you is of a time when I once fell out with a friend, and we didn’t speak to each other for years—only for us to finally speak and the person said, “Oh my God, I’ve been yearning to talk to you for years, I’ve been wanting to say something, I’ve just been afraid.”

And I was sitting here, also crippled with my fear of rejection, not being able to say anything. You know, it shouldn’t have been an email.
It really shouldn’t.
It should have been a sit-down conversation, and maybe my heart wouldn’t have been able to take it. Maybe my heart would have burst out of my chest, or maybe it would have just stopped working.

I don’t know. Maybe I have to forgive myself and tell myself that I did try to communicate, I did try to express, I did try to forgive.

It’s crazy to feel so deeply hurt by someone that you care about or someone that you once held in high regard—and maybe you still hold them in high regard—but you’re just unable to see a pathway to healing.

Maybe I’ve said enough for you to pick your own message in there, because everything I’ve talked about has included platonic relationships, deep romantic relationships, or friendships that I thought would transcend youth, move into wisdom, and blossom into generations. But life happens—and it’s beautiful, chaotic, sad, and painful all in one.

The heart is weird because it maps, it connects, it wants, it longs for the connectivity to the past and the idea of what the future might look like. But none of it is smooth. None of it makes perfect sense. And sometimes you just have to wing it and hope that you’re going to get it right more times than you get it wrong.

Such is life. We meet people, we love them, they love us.
And then they block us or never like our posts for a whole year.
Oddly specific huh? Mind ya businesssss!

_________

I met a woman recently. And it’s interesting that I say that—for those of you who thought you were about to have some kind of “gotcha” moment or whatever, relax, you’re not.

But I met a woman I have been curious about for years, intrigued by for years, and somehow fearful of for years as well—only to meet her and find that not only does she seem to be a truly great person, she just seems like cool vibes.

You ever meet someone you were so sure you wouldn’t get along with, and then you meet them and you’re almost disappointed—not in the person, but in yourself—for being so basic in assuming that you wouldn’t get along with them or that it wouldn’t be a mutually beneficial experience?

We had a conversation, we had some quality time—again, not where you’re going with your mind—but someone to converse about life with, about work, about hobbies, about things like that.

It’s funny that even in that same interaction, to spend time with someone, to be intrigued by the person, they can still remind you that we’re still evolving and learning each other in our own ways. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone genuinely say to me that I was full of myself.

This person said that I give off the vibe that I’m full of myself—either because I “have it together” or appear to have it together. I find that hilarious because, one, I don’t feel like I have it together, and two, where is that coming from?

I strive very, very hard to have it together. It’s the reason I work so hard. It’s the reason I’m up late. It’s the reason I’m trying to deliver this blog post to you before I go to bed. I try not to let my standards drop in terms of the greatness that I show or how I present in the world.

But even in that time—even in having an amazing time and an amazing experience meeting this person and sharing space with them—it’s still a subtle reminder of life: we’re always learning.
We’re always learning each other, always learning ourselves, always evolving.

It was beautiful to have that experience all in one. On one hand, the person was talking and I thought, “Oh my God, we’re so alike on this and this and this.”
Then they said something else and I thought, “Oh yeah, we’re definitely different on that because I’m not thinking like that.”

I like experiencing life like that.

I think the biggest lesson to take away from meeting this person is: don’t let your fears or your perceptions of people hinder you from experiencing new things, new people, new domains. But at the same time, understand that you are evolving artwork.

You’re an evolving masterpiece that won’t look the same to everyone, won’t feel the same to even you sometimes, but you must continue pressing on with who you are and who you’re going to continue to be. Only you know who you truly are and who you’re designing your life to feel and look like.

In the journey you go along, make friends, make lovers, make memories, make time, make space, and be yourself. Enjoy yourself—because you are all you have.

Till we speak again, keep your head up and stay up.

Thank you for reading!



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