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Black.Gay.Waiting 2

Black.Gay.Waiting 2

PART 2

It was 6am in the morning, I was just standing out in the middle of the quadrangle and looking embarrassed.
Wet.
I was trying to understand how I missed it.
My clothes were on the window pane to my left. I had placed them there before I began to bathe myself as I prepared for school.
Why would someone do this to me?
This was only my first morning in boarding school.

I wanted the safety of my home.
My temperature controlled shower, consistent electricity, hot breakfast and just emotional safety!
Here I was thrust into the “wild”.
Anyone that experienced it will tell you straight up that it builds character and forces you to face a lot of the fears you will meet in life.
One thing it also does though, it awakens fears you never thought you had.

That cold morning, I stood there and wished I could teleport.
I swear I had seen my clothes there. Just a minute before.
Someone obviously moved it because they wanted to teach me a lesson.
I eventually made my way into my dorm and tried to forget that had happened, but it hurt.
That day, I prayed that I would never be in that kind of situation again.

Well, I have been in that situation 3 times since then but this had to be the most embarrassing.
My father, a renowned minister, was standing less than 10 feet away from me while I clutched my undergarments to protect my exposed genitalia.
Fuck!
How did this happen?
How did he know I was here?

“Pastor, I am sorry”

Micah said in whimpering tone.

“Shut up!”

My father barked back at him.

He looked up to me and said

“You are still at this?! After everything your mother and I have done for you?”

My head dropped.
He continued on

“You are a disgrace. A complete disgrace.”

It was at that point I dropped my clothes on the bed and I started putting my boxers on.
I was so tired of being called all sorts for being who I was.
My father turned to Micah and said

“…and you, I cannot believe you would do this. I never want to see you again.
Or anywhere near the church.”

He stormed out without saying another word.
I quickly put the rest of my clothes on and followed. Micah tried to grab me, I stopped and he said

“I’m sorry. This is my fault”

I smiled and gave him a kiss on his lips and then said

“Don’t be. You did nothing wrong”

as I wiped his lip.
He dropped his head and I patted his cheek as I walked out.

Walking into the parking space, my father said to me

“Give him the keys”

referring to his driver who was now standing outside to my left, right next to my car.
I wanted to ask why but I knew why.
He wanted us to ride together so he could berate me further.
I didn’t question it, I tossed my keys to Dimeji, our longtime family driver and the man that taught me how to drive.
He nodded, almost in apology and then entered my car.
I walked over to my father’s car and entered.
To my surprise, he did not say a single word during the entire ride home.

When we got home, I went straight to my room and stayed there most of the day.
I shuffled between scrolling through Twitter and watching season 4 of the Blacklist. I was basically trying everything to get my mind off what had just happened.
My mom was out of the country and returning later that night. One thing was for sure, my father was always going to tell my mother what happened.
They tell each other everything.
So I knew it was only a matter of time before she was brought up to speed.
And she was going to be home in a few hours.

…..

I was awakened by the buzzing of my phone.
I actually didn’t realize I had fallen asleep. As I answered, I tried to keep my eyes closed.
The voice on the other end was familiar. It said

“Are you ready?”

I wasn’t understanding. So I asked

“Ready for what?”

She said

“Drinks. I texted you and told you I was coming”

I hadn’t seen the text. Probably because I was sleeping. So I asked

“Where are you?”

“10mins away”

she replied

I sighed and said

“Aight, I’ll be out in a bit”

I quickly got up, brushed my teeth and then washed my face before heading out the room.
As I approached the living room, I could hear the sounds of the television – MSNBC.
That was one of my dad’s favourite channels, so I quickly put it together that he was in there.
I knew I had to walk past him and I was going to do it as quickly as possible.
As I entered the living room and was almost out of the main door, he said

“Ni bo lo da?” – translating to “where to?”

I stopped in my tracks, turned to my right where he sat and said

“I am grabbing dinner with a friend”

He squeezed his face and dismissed me with his mouth closed.
And out I was.

In the car waiting for me was Sandra.
One of my true best friends and one of the only few that knew my situation.
As I sat in the car, she turned and gave me a hug.
She followed it up by saying

“How are you?”

In that moment, I wanted to break down and cry but I mustered the strength and said

“I think I’m okay hun.
Like… I don’t know but I’d like to think that I’m good”

We chatted about her week and her boyfriend whom she felt was dragging his feet and not proposing.
I told her to be calm, after all, only 20 months of dating was never going to be enough time to know someone.
Sandra was extra like that.

As they cleared our table, Sandra asked for the check and brought out her wallet.
I looked at her with confusion and said

“What are you doing?”

She scoffed, smiled and said

“Paying. Or what does it look like?”

I was about to reply when she said

“Abeg hold that your machismo nonsense. I got this one.”

I just swallowed my words. She then asked

“So what are you going to do?”

I looked up to her and locked my fingers into each other as I said

“I honestly don’t know but I sure as hell know that I am tired.
I mean for crying out loud, I am almost 30!
I have never had sex and I have done everything my family has asked of me…but I cannot change who I am!
This is who I fucking am. Sandra it is soo tiring.
Is it my fault that my parents are pastors? Or that I like men and not women?
Like let’s get this straight, I am almost fucking thirty! Like is it because I moved back home or something?
Like I am just tired”

She nodded as I could see the sadness all over her face.
She said

“I am sorry hun. I really am.
Let me just say this though. Just continue to be yourself. We appreciate you for who you are.
I know for sure that I do, and I love you for being you”

“Thanks love.”

I replied.
Dinner and those drinks certainly helped me feel a bit better. As I rode home in the back of the Uber, I couldn’t help but think about how much I had wanted to break free.
For many years, nobody knew of my status and I truly didn’t need people to know.
I was always sure that I never wanted people to treat me any kind of way because of my sexuality. I was going to be great at anything I did without being treated differently.
But how come my home never felt like I was welcome?
My father would preach love and togetherness, being non-judgmental, forgiveness and unconditional love.
Yet, since I became an adult, those things have been far away from me.

The Uber pulled up to the gate and said

“Okay sir, we are here”

I looked up and noticed we were in front of my house.
I grew up in that house and I had come to hate that house. Every time I brought up the idea of me moving out, my mother scoffed at it and tried to make me feel bad for not wanting to live with them.
I heaved a deep sigh as I knocked on the gate for the gateman to open.

The house was quiet when I got in but the television was on.
I turned it off and went to my room. As I began taking my clothes off, I heard the gate open.
My parents were back.
I turned the lights off and got into my bed.
I heard them make their way into the house. I could hear my mom’s voice and even though I hadn’t see her in a few weeks, I decided against coming out of my room.

I heard them talking in their bedroom which was a floor beneath mine but when the house was quiet enough, it felt like they were next door.
I heard the water running. I figured my mother was taking a shower.
Sleep came calling and soon enough I was struggling to keep my eyes open.

I hadn’t been asleep for too long when I heard my door open quickly.
By the fruity scent left behind, I figured it was mom that came to check if I was awake.
I was, but I was not ready for the things that followed.

…..

Sunday mornings were always sluggish for me.
I think as I got older, I hated the pressure that came from being a PK (Pastor’s kid). So I became more distant from the church in many ways.
I would still go but I was always late or very detached. Only at the church, my parents pastored.
This morning, I woke up and I just lay there for a while.
I kept playing that day and my dad walking in.
As I replayed the day, I kept blaming myself.
Maybe I shouldn’t have slept over or maybe I should have rushed and put my clothes on as I heard my dad barge in.
I kept going through a bunch of maybes but I eventually settled on the fact that, it already happened and there was nothing I could do to change it.

When I made it to church, praise and worship was just about to start.
For the next twenty-five minutes, we sang and danced to the glory of God.
Then came the Liberty prayer and then the announcements.
The sermon was about to start when I noticed my father hand the microphone to my mother.
He wasn’t taking the sermon today.

I figured that it was because of everything that had happened over the weekend, he wanted to absolve himself of any ill feelings while ministering.
My mother got up there like she had many times before and began preaching.
She was firm, she was direct and told it as it was.

The title of her sermon was “Finding Your Way Home”
A lot of what she said convicted me, I felt like I had drifted from God.
I used to be active in the church and closer in my journey against sexual immorality.
I had promised that I would never have sex until I was married.
And even though I had dated women and almost got married to one, I was determined to wait until after I was married to have sex.
Now some of you may say, but what is the point in going on God, when you are already gay.
I wish I knew but it felt like the right thing to do within me.
And that was what I was going to do.

Midway through her sermon, I remember my mother saying

“Some of us have been so blessed by God that we stray. We let the blessings get to us and then we forget all that he has done.
We start to simplify his goodness and take it for granted.
Brethren, I encourage you to never let the elevation you have in life, make you think you no longer need God…”

I remember thinking

“hmmm, maybe I had turned on God and forgotten how much he had blessed me…”

I was in that thought when I heard my name over the loudspeakers.
I looked up and my mother was motioning me towards the altar.
I looked around to be sure.
Slowly, I got up and walked to the front of the church.

She stepped down from the altar and came up to me.
Placing her hand on my shoulder she said into the microphone

“An example of forgetting home and God’s blessings is my son here.
God has given him so much that he has forgotten God to the point that he is now engaging in sinful acts that made God burn down Sodom and Gomorrah.
My son has been participating in a homosexual relationship”

The entire church gasped.
I swear I thought I had died for a second.
It was like I was hearing a cassette tape played backwards. Everything in my head was scrambled. I was stunned.
My eyes quickly welled up and I couldn’t understand.

“How could she do this to me?”

I thought to myself.
I turned and people in the congregation had their hands covering their mouths in shock.
Something in me wanted to run but I couldn’t.
My mom continued and said

“It is important that when people are trying to lead you back to Christ, you take note because you can be lost in the world”

As she finished, someone got up in the second row and said

“Abeg what is all this nonsense?
Is this what we came to church for?”

My mother, microphone to her lips, said

“Excuse you?”

And the man continued and said

“Yes, is this why we came to church. So you can air your personal drama?
We come for the word, not this theatrics.
Besides, this is not news at least not to your family. Your husband always knew and he has known for a while now, so why are you here lying to us.
Please let us hear word”

My mother, surprised, turned around and looked at my father.
He rose up with his head hung low.
He took two steps forward and then he slumped. My father died that morning.

What happens next?
Come back for Part 3 next Saturday!
Please leave a comment below. Thanks for reading!

Please leave me a comment or tweet at me here@adewus4real! Feedback is EVERYTHING~Thanks!

The End.

Part Three next Saturday and ready to drop! @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated.
Thanks for the love and

#WhatTheHeckMan · African · African Fiction · African Stories · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Stories · TheRants

Black.Gay.Waiting

#BGW

Music: Unknown (To You) by Jacob Banks

“I don’t know if I am allowed to say this but I love your smile.
Ethnic people are just so beautiful”

I tried to force a smile back as I looked down to this old white lady that thought she had just paid me a compliment.

“Thanks”

I muttered back with my “professional” smile plaster across my coconut oiled face.

“You know, I have friends from Africa.
What part of Africa are you from?”

I was shocked that she had even continued to talk to me.
They called out my name from behind the register.

“Tall chai latte for Dee”

I excused myself from the conversation with the lady and I walked to the counter, grabbed my drink and without saying a word to her, I walked out of the Starbucks.

That night as I took a shower, my mind flashed back that interaction that morning.
I suddenly became annoyed.
That was normal, people saying inappropriate and culturally insensitive things.
That was my entire time living in Boston.

There were two schools of people – the ignorant but sometimes well meaning group and the downright racist/white supremist quarter.
Overall, I hated Boston but I understood why my Nigerian parents sent me there for school.
My father went to Law School. His brother and family that I would spend most holidays with, currently live in Boston.
My mother taught for years in central Baltimore. The only things she loved more than those white kids she taught were my siblings and I, my dad and her commute to work.
You never messed with my mothers radio or her Ebenezer Obey cds in the car.

After graduation, I moved to New York for a few years, working out of a mid level law firm.
Yes, I took after my dad.
And as some of you may be able to relate, I had no choice.

I didn’t like practicing law but I didn’t hate it either. I passed the bar on my second go and I was making good money.
The people I worked with were decent and they made the days go by.
But I knew I was only buying time.

….

“It’s 300k.”

My friend Duke tried to tell me.

“Huh?”

I replied as I didn’t hear him clearly.

“The total is 300k”

He repeated.

“Did you factor in a tip?”

I asked.

He nodded.
I pulled out my card and handed it to him.

“Put it on here”

I said to him as he took it from me and turned.
It was my birthday dinner and everyone was eating and having a good time.
I hate birthday dinners.
On one end, you can plan and people will flake or you can’t accurately split the bill.
Everyone knows that people always forget their drinks and tip.
So I had deduced that whenever I had one, I would either be blessed to have a sugar daddy that would handle the bill or I was going to do it myself.

It was the latter.
We did pictures shortly after.
I had picked up my friends Sandra and Bisoye from Ikoyi on my way to the dinner, so I had to drop them off before heading to my parents in Surulere.

My mother was the type that wanted to make sure that I attended services whenever I was in town.
She used to say “you need know God before you need God” or the line I loved so much, “how do you expect to hold your home together if you don’t have a vibrant prayer life?”
Yes, my mother was the typical Pentecostal bible believing mother.
My father wasn’t always there for direct interaction. Leading growing church and law firm can be challenging sometimes.
But fear not, he was just as influential as my mother.
Overbearing, loving, kind, annoying and everything in between.
Those were my parents and I loved them so much.

And that was how much I loved and appreciated everyone that came out to celebrate with me.
After the last set of pictures, I said out loud

“Thank you all for coming. I truly appreciate it. You guys are awesome.”

Hugs and pecks as I headed towards the car.
Sandra is obsessed with 2Face Idibia’s latest track, Gaga Shuffle and it didn’t help that she worked at one of the top radio stations.
She would never stop going on about it!
So we knew as we entered the car that she was going to start playing the song.

Together we belted out the first line “As I want craze, I want involve you for my f-ing craze”
Such a tune!
Sandra’s calling was to be in music. No doubt.
I love sharing songs with her, she knows almost every song!
If it’s on the radio or has the potential to get there, Sandra knows it.

I looked into the rear view mirror and Bisoye has fallen asleep.
It was like a curse. Once Bisoye enters a car and she is not the one driving, sleep is what happens next – always!
Sandra and I teased as Bisoye mumbled some words out of her sleep.
It is exactly as you imagine it, the cutest thing ever but also the most consistent thing whenever we all got into the car together.
About twenty minutes later, I was peeling out of their apartment complex. Sleep was creeping up on me as I got back on the Third Mainland Bridge.
I had probably gone about 5 miles when I heard a loud thud. I went another mile as I tried to guess what had happened.
At first thought, I figured I must have run over something or hit something but as I drove on, I felt my car begin to wobble.

Everyone knows that late at night in Lagos is not the time for your car to be having issues. So as I pulled over, I was very frustrated.
On one hand, this was probably money I didn’t need to spending that would be going to that repair and on the other hand, I just wanted to sleep!
Upon closer inspection as I stepped out of the car, I noticed that one of my tires had blown out.
This was going to be a short while but I knew how to change a tire from watching my father do it.
I locked the car and walked to the trunk as I opened it, I noticed that the jack that was needed to change the tire was missing.
I could scream!
I knew someone in my house must have gone in there and failed to return it, now here I was stuck on this dangerous bridge in the crack of the night.

I walked to the passengers side and unlocked the car.
Immediately, I called the person I knew would answer.

“Deacon, I need your help”

….

He showed up about 30 minutes later and very soon the tire was changed.
As I was about to get into the car, he said

“You can come to my place since I know your estate will be closed by now”

I paused and thought about it, he was right. The security team at my apartment was notorious for stressing my life out whenever I returned late.

“Okay, lets go”

He handed me an oversized shirt at his apartment while I connected to the wifi.

“you can take the bed, while I sleep on the couch”

I shook my head and replied,

“You don’t have to do that”

He quickly replied

“I just know what you said the last time and I was trying to honor that”

I nodded and said

“I remember what I said but as long as you respect yourself, we should be good”

He said

“Okay”

I headed into the bathroom to wash my face and then into the bed. He was still in the living room when I got in.
At this time, it was 3am and I was super tired.
I knocked out pretty quickly after.

I must have been asleep for about an hour when I felt a strong arm come around my midsection. He pulled me close.
His arm was strong, warm and I remember how safe I used to feel in his hold.
A part of me wanted to break away because I had warned him, but I also really liked his touch.
I stayed put and awake.
A few minutes later, I could feel his rising member between my cheeks.
I was getting turned on, even though I knew I wanted to fight it.
A few moments later, he turned me around and passionately kissed me.
I could taste the cheesecake I brought over with me on his lips.
His tongue was strong like his hands. It searched me and I got weak.

He was on his side with his right arm across my midriff.
He tasted so good and I just sunk into his arms. It was like his mattress was suddenly softer than a cloud and I was free falling.
It had been a while, a long while since someone took charge of my physical and made me lose myself.

He began to kiss my neck and I was losing it.
I was really excited now. His tongue licked behind my left ear.
It ticked and pushed me further off the ledge.
I wanted more, so I don’t know where the words “we have to stop” came from.
He pulled back and towering over me, he said

“You don’t want to?”

I closed my eyes and said

“I just don’t know… I’m just worried we will get into this space again… you know”

He pulled further back and said

“I understand. I’m sorry”

I quickly replied and said

“Don’t apologize. Its not just you. It has to be both of us”

He didn’t say anything else.
He laid on his back staring at the spinning ceiling fan with the light from the DVR partially illuminating the room.
I turned over on my left side and stared out of the window.
I won’t lie to you, I so badly wanted him to grab me again. I know what I said but I wanted the opposite at that moment.

I thought he had fallen asleep when I said

“Micah”

He didn’t even say anything, I heard a grunt.
And I turned and planted a wet one on his lips.
He ran his hand under his t-shirt I was wearing. That was it!
Our lips locked and it felt so good.
So good, I was annoyed when he turned me over and spooned me.
Until he spread my cheeks and slid into me.
He belly was cold but he breath was warm and his throbbing member was anything but.
With each thrust, he spread me wider and I grabbed a handful of the sheets in my right hand.
My moans were subdued. It was very late and his window was open.
But I wanted to scream.
It had been so long and naturally it hurt a little. And I loved it.
I could feel him pulse and I moved my hips to match his stride.
It was satisfying as he filled me up.
He pumped and grunted before panting for air.
I turned over and snuggled into his chest. I could hear his heart beating.
He wrapped his arm around me and it was only moments before he knocked out.
I placed my leg over his and that is the last I remember of the night.

…..

Thud…Thud…Thud.
I ignored it.
Thud…Thud… Thudddddd.
I thought I was dreaming but I slowly started to come into my consciousness.
Then I realized the noise was actually outside.
I sprung up, only to see Micah getting up as well. I said

“What is going on?”

He motioned with his left hand and said

“Hold on.
I’ll go check”

He grabbed his robe hanging off the inside of the open closet door and put it on.
Out the room he marched, leaving it slightly ajar.
I heard him put on his slippers and head towards the door.
I hated how he dragged his feet. It was always a pet peeve of mine.
Still surprised me how I developed feelings for a man that did something I hated so much.

I heard the front door open.
I actually thought it was someone that he owed money or maybe his car was blocking someone from leaving out the parking lot.
As the door opened I heard someone say very loudly

“Where is he?! Where is he?!
I know you have my son in here”

I recognized that voice – it was my father.
It took a second for what was happening to register, so there was a delay in my head.
Before I could jump up and put my clothes on, my father barged into the room
There was midway hunched over trying to grab my boxers. Butt ass naked.
I turned and looked straight and my father.
A lagging Micah was behind as he said

“Pastor, I can explain”

All I could say was

“Daddy”

Please leave me a comment or tweet at me here@adewus4real! Feedback is EVERYTHING~Thanks!

The End.

Part Two is already done and ready to drop! @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated.
Thanks for the love and support.

Stay up

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© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WordsofWednesday · Bloggers · Fiction · Life · Poetry

You Deserve It!

I am so blessed.
I think I just need to start out with that. I am so undeservingly blessed, it baffles me.
Before anything else, I would love to join my faith with yours and pray that whatever it is you are waiting on God for, he will come through for you.

Now to why you are really here.
Yes you, the ones who… nvm. I’ll come back to you.

On Friday March 4th last year, I got a promotion at my job.
I was so excited. I told all my friends, family and even testified at church two days later.
Less than 3 hours after I had testified that Thanksgiving Sunday at church, my apartment went up in flames.
And I was plunged into unexpected debt.
My “best friend” at the time was a Godsend who opened a GoFundMe and helped me halve the debt I would eventually pay.
Why did I put best friend in air quotes you ask?
More on that later.

Last week Friday, just like last year, I got a job.
Not a promotion, an elevation.
New level. New status. New tax bracket. New grace.
But this time around, I was hesitant to celebrate and testify. Last year, the devil tried to steal my job.
I was in so much pain from losing everything that I didn’t even enjoy the promotion high.
This year, he tried to strike again. This time coming for my emotional happiness.

This is the short of it.
I reached out to someone I cared about out of concern and they essentially tried to make me seem like I was trying to tear them down or whatever.
My friend is mad at me because she saw this coming from a mile away but I guess I gave this person way more credit.
My friend said “I don’t know how you can still talk to someone like that. Someone that has publicly bashed you, trashed your name and even done full shows about you.”
I was broken.
Annoyed.

It has always been a flaw of mine – my ability to forgive.
Like I know this person has hurt me many times and I still forgive and somehow I am the bad guy?
And do not get me wrong, I AM NOT A VICTIM OR A SAINT.
But there are levels brethren. That I would never stoop to.
So here I was sitting in church on Sunday morning, preparing to give God thanks for what he had done in my life and suddenly, I am distracted by irrelevancies.

That is the devil at work ladies and gentlemen.
Less than 48hours before, I had got a career/life-changing opportunity, now here I am typing about this nonsense!
Do you see him work?

So no!
No more.
I am too blessed, too favored, too lifted to stoop low.

……

On Saturday, I had the privilege of watching Nathaniel Bassey minister live.
I swear I was so moved.
I have never been more thankful to be in his presence.
Nathaniel is anointed but one of the songs he sang touched me. I had always known the chorus of the song but not the verse.
The name of the song is “This God is too Good ft. Micah Stampley” by Nathaniel Bassey.
It says

I know a God, who’s merciful and kind
Faithful and gracious
I’m the apple of his eyes
The thought that fills his heart
Every Morning, noon and night
He loved me when I didn’t care
And was patient till I came
Running back into his arms
Look how he turned my life around
Made me a shining star
His glory to reveal

I will worship Him forever
Love Him forever because
This God is too good oh

 

Look, the chorus is moving but lifting.
One thing I have prayed for since 2015 is that God’s will always be done in my life.
Finally, I could say that there is progress there. In me allowing him to do his thing.
This job I got, I applied on September 28th and I was offered the job on October 5th.
That literally is the fastest I have ever gotten anything!
It is not like I didn’t know that I was going to be blessed but the timing of it is impeccable.

I needed God to come through!
And he did in the most spectacular way.
So why would I let the devil steal my joy?

Sometimes God is trying to save you and you are trying to sabotage yourself.
Like God is taking certain people and things away from you and you are walking right back to it.
He only elevates. Like, believe that. He only elevates.
DO NOT DEMOTE YOURSELF.
Sometimes you are not on the same intellectual level, not in the same tax bracket, not on the same emotional level – so why interact?

Imagine loving a woman and you are talking to her about her business plans and how she wants to conquer a market, move to senior management at her job, buy a house and then you are trying to interact with someone that cannot hold employment for more than two months.
Anyone in their right mind knows where their focus should be.
DO NOT DEMOTE YOURSELF.

You deserve happiness.
You deserve peace.
You deserve community.
You deserve genuine love.
You deserve every good thing.

Now this is not to knock anyone’s hustle but when God is writing your story, do not be consumed by the footnotes or scribbles in the margins.
Focus on the big picture and his blessings for you.
Stick to his plan and uproot anything that will derail you. And if you are not strong enough to, ask him to take it away – even if that is forceful.

 

I look around me and I see God blessing me and mine.
In the space of one week, the following happened.

A hard-working nurse emerged.
An internship with potential for full-time employment at graduation was given to a sibling.
My mother celebrated another year on God’s green Earth.
My best friend got a fitting job.
I got a new job.
I was under the profound anointing and truly blessed.
Cousins and aunts celebrated birthdays.
Healing was afforded to a broken marriage.

Do you see?
That is what God did around me in the space of one week. People, when I say I am blessed, I am blessed!
So how can he be doing this around me and I want to let it be snatched from me.
I am soooooo happy for what he has done.
Even when I am faithless and unfaithful, he remains a favoring God.

Look, I am not deserving o but he chose to call me his own.
And I truly grateful.
One thing I have learned though is know your worth.
As God elevates you, it is not even arrogance but there are just certain people you should never interact with.

You are blessed beyond doubt. Move like so.
And the cool part is that even when you think you are not deserving.
You deserve his mercy.

…….

Delay is not denial
Your blessing is coming

Forever, his word is settled. In heaven it is settled and so shall it be on Earth.

Be patient but hungry in your spirit.
Know he will come through but don’t get lazy and not remind him to come through

Keep the promises you make to him.
I promised to pay my tithes more faithfully. And that is something I plan on doing.
So while you are begging him, you’re probably making promises about what you will do when he blesses you.
Well, do it once he blesses you and he surely will.

Join your faith with others around you believing God. No man is an island.
We need people and when we all go to God and lobby for a thing, he is more likely to answer.

Random Thought: The only thing worse than a curve, is someone that tries to make it seem like they curved you when they know you… nvm. Let me just be calm.
I have Yoruba demon tendencies. A horrible temper which has gotten better this year btw.
I can be dismissive, reductive and downright rude and disrespectful.
But none of that defines me. I am still a blessed kid.

I will say this though, my name is Sanmi, blessed and highly favored.
More importantly, too blessed to lose my happiness.
And that is one truth given. 😊
I remain the Wordsmith.
Check back for my new series starting this Saturday titled…
Come back on Saturday to find out and follow me on Twitter at @adewus4real to learn more about the new series.

Till next time ladies and gentlemen; its WordsOfWednesday.
Stay up!

My New Series will be out on Saturday!
Please watch this space! It will be fire!

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#WordsOfWednesday
© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · African Fiction · African Stories · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Stories · TheRants

Against Counsel – Part 4

The Last Stop…

Against Counsel
Part IV

It felt like an eternity.
I was staring out the window and watching the cars on the busy street. My eyes would fix on a particular car or person and track them till they moved out of the show.
I didn’t want to turn around.
My eyes were swollen from all the crying I had done in mere minutes.

So here I was for years, fasting and praying that God would give me something from someone who was doing everything within his power to hinder me.
Life.
Tobias broke the silence

“Adeola, let me explain”

I didn’t turn around yet.
He continued

“There is just a lot that I should have told you sooner and I am deeply sorry”

I swallowed hard.
My saliva was thick and I could feel a slight headache coming on, still looking outside the window and without turning, I said

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

He paused and then began to say

“You will never know the amount of guilt and sadness that I have held over the years. I have always wanted to tell….”

I turned and yelled

“Are you kidding me?
9 years Toby! (I called him Toby)
Nine years, I slaved, prayed and bled to give you a child and you couldn’t bring yourself to tell me?!
Are you fucking serious?”

I was barely able to get the words out as I was losing my voice

“Adeola, I promise I never planned to hurt you.
Do you know how it feels to live in a prison of life?
Pretending to be somebody else and trying to convince yourself that you are not who you think you are.
Marrying you was a mistake because I should have known who I was.. Falling in love with you was not one.
You have to believe that I wished I could tell you but I was a coward.
Afraid of what coming out to you would mean. The woman I shared sacred vows with….”

I couldn’t contain my tears but I let his words sit for a few seconds and then I said

“Those vows mean nothing because they were based on a lie.
A vey important lie.
did you always know before we got married that you were not attracted to women?”

 

His face seemed to drop.
He took a deep breath and said

“I had an idea but I was never really sure.
Some people thought it was a phase and that I would grow past it once I got married.
It subsided for a while but ultimately I wasn’t happy.
Not by any fault of ours but because I needed a different kind of love.
I should have told you and the fact that I couldn’t is all on me. Not you”

Honestly I wanted to say more but I was so broken.
This was a rollercoaster ride that I wanted to stop but I couldn’t.
But I had to know

“How long were you with him? And why did you get a vasectomy? We could have still had a child.”

 

He shook his head and said

“No we couldn’t. My count was low.
I had checked a year into our marriage. I also did not want to bring a child into this world to a life of lies and only to be confused.
That would be selfish on another level… As for the partners, I have only had two.
I was with one for about 2years until Abike threatened to expose me to you, if I didn’t stop… and then I started back up about year ago with the boy that works with you.”

I turned sharply towards Abike and screamed

“What?!… You knew he was cheating?! And you didn’t tell me?!”

She looked shell shocked.
Eyes big and wide, she froze.

…..

“Abike! Abike!”

She snapped out of her trance and muffled

“Hmmm”

“What is he saying?!!!”

I snarled back at her.
She was still frozen like a deer in headlights.

“Abike, I swear to God, if you don’t open your mouth….I will slap the shit out of you!”

I yelled at her.
Then she spoke.

“Yes!
I knew. I fucking knew and everyone knew.
We just wondered how you never knew…
….there was one evening when I came to drop something off for you. You had given me the keys because both of you were supposed to be out of town.
I walked in on your husband giving a man a blowjob. I was furious.
I wanted to tell you but you were so happy…so in love…I wasn’t going to be the one to take that away from you.
….And like he said, he apologized and promised he wasn’t going to do it again. I figured we would all move past it and it was a mistake”

 

Now I was angry!

“A mistake? A fucking mistake?
Do you think I would call it a fucking mistake if I walked in on your husband blowing another man?!
A mistake?! Wow… I have never heard anything more stupid in my life!”

She raised her hands in a pacifying motion and said

“Adeola, I said this already.
Nobody wants to be a home wrecker. I didn’t know how to say anything.”

“You are my sister! my fucking sister, Abike!
I don’t care about a stupid home if my own sister cannot tell me when the walls are crashing down.
You betrayed my trust…. I can’t even believe all of this. I just can’t.
This is too much”

I started to move towards the door when Abike said

“Sis Adeola, I am really sorry. Please believe that I am and I Want to to do everything within my power to make this better. If you will just allow me to try.”

I turned around as I grabbed my purse and I said

“You see that is your problem. You all continue to take and give nothing.
I have been there for you in countless ways, I love your children like they are my own.
Yet you have taken all of my happiness from me.
I am at a junction in my life….*tears*…. where I should be leaning on you the most and here I am finding the most heart wrenching things about my life through the lenses of other people.
You are my sister for crying out loud.
….. I am pregnant with a child that I know nothing of his father. For all I know, it could be this one or the Lord visited me in the middle of the night because I know I haven’t been with anyone else.
And I have cancer Abike!
Cancer that I only just found the strength to fight. So no, I will not be giving you any chances to do anything here.”

 

As I tried to leave, Lizzy, who had been standing in the corner started to move towards the door with me.
Tobias reached and tried to hold me.

“Don’t touch me.”

I tearfully said and then I heard Abike’s voice

“Wait!”

I stopped in my tracks.
She continued and said

“Since you are going to be leaving, there is something you should know now.”

Her husband Kunle looked at her very surprised and said

“Really, you want to tell her now?”

She bowed her head and said

“I have to.”

I was intrigued.
I shut the door and turned, holding my purse in front of me with both hands.

“What is it?”

I asked
She was already crying heavily which always broke my heart. She sniffled a few times and then she said

“I know the father of your child”

……

Pause for a second.
Have you ever been in the middle of a bad dream, and something bad was about to happen but you let it play its course, because you knew it was a bad dream?
Okay.
Now, have you ever been wide awake and watching life move right in front of you, like a bad dream?
Like everything that is happening is mortifying and you cannot stop it?

“Who?”

I finally asked
She looked over to her husband and he dropped his head.

“Abike, who?!”

She dropped her head and said

“Kunle”

Tobias charged at him and almost got physical with him.
Abike jumped in between them.
I had to sit down and then she said

“Please don’t hate me.
But Kunle is the father”

I was stunned but confused

“Abike, what are you saying?”

She started to explain

“I have seen first hand your struggle to have a baby.
After I caught Tobias with the man, I confronted him and in there, he told me that he most likely would not be able to have children because his count was low.
I watched you cry and beg God for a child and I know how much you wanted one….

….So I asked Kunle. He was initially against it and he even got angry with me for suggesting it.
But I was able to convince him.
I knew you would never step out of your marriage and I figured Tobias was the problem. So Kunle eventually did it.”

I stood up and I was the one who charged at her.
Tobias and Lizzy grabbed me as I screamed

“What?!
You had your husband rape me?!”

“Noo… nooo…. I just thought that it would be better.
To keep it in the family. I was never going to say anything.
I just wanted you to be happy. I swear that I was never looking to hurt you. I thought I was helping.”

I looked over to Kunle and I asked

“Is this true?”

He nodded.
I really felt violated. Like someone tore open my insides and had it on display for the whole world to see.
Even though it was months later, I still felt like I had been robbed of a certain innocence.
Why?
Why was this happening to me?

What did I ever do to have my life so difficult?
I believe in God and I truly felt like I was doing the right things in life.
This was too much.
I spent my life helping people put their marriages together and here I was losing everything that I built.

I didn’t even know what to say anymore.
I stood up and walked out of the room. Lizzy followed closely.
As we entered the hallway, Abike, Tobias and Kunle followed me. I heard Abike say wait but I kept walking.
She said it again.

I stopped, and tearful I asked

“How?”

She didn’t answer. The hallway had nurses and people that had been listening to all that happened in the room.
I asked her again

“How?!”

She said

“A few times when you came over, I spiked your drink and you were out cold.
I promise, I wasn’t trying to hurt you!”

With heavy tears pouring out of my eyes, I said

“I pray you all rot in hell.”

…….

That afternoon was the last I saw of those three.
Lizzy and I soon came to Atlanta together as I continued treatment.

I remember on our flight from Lagos, I kept thinking of all the signs I missed again.
The waking up sore at Abike’s house or being told not to marry him but ignoring all warnings. I blamed myself.

I went against every counsel as a young woman because I thought I was in love.
Now I am not encouraging anyone to simply accept the advice of anyone that has something to say about your romantic life but certainly evaluate everything.

I felt a certain peace in my heart that Toby was now happy with whoever he wanted to be with and he didn’t have to continue looking over his shoulder.
Love should never feel like a prison.
I felt a new dawn coming for me.
I was very uncertain about how it would all play out but I knew that this time around, I would be directing my own movie- how I wanted to.

“Are you ready?”

Lizzy asked, I nodded and smiled yes.

They wheeled me into the OR shortly after.
The doctor looked at me and said

“Are you sure you want to go through with this?
With your situation, you may never be able to have children of your own”

I nodded and said

“I’m sure”

On July, 21st 2017, I aborted the 4 month pregnancy.

For about an hour that night, I sat down in the shower and I just cried.
I cried so hard.
My hair was falling out from all the chemotherapy and I was feeling weak.
No guilt from the decision I made because I felt it was the right one.
I was never going to bring a child into this world under those circumstances.
The last few months had been nothing short of a rollercoaster ride.

I stood up and dried myself off.
Walking into the living room, Lizzy was walking out of her room as well.
In her hand, she was holding a pregnancy test stick. She had pushed back her wedding after everything that happened to come to Atlanta with me.
She looked at me, I looked at the stick, we looked at each out and my heart warmed.
I walked over to her and hugged her tight.
I couldn’t sobbing as she did the same in my arms.
If this was full circle, I’m glad.
For as long as I lived, I would love that baby like it was mine.
To love, to cherish, to counsel, to adore; against every obstacle and every odd.

The End.

Pleaseeeeeeee leave me a comment and let me know how you felt about this part and the entire series. It means a lot!

Thank you for reading the Against Counsel series with me! I throughly enjoyed writing it for you all and I hope you enjoyed the ride with me. If you hate me for how the ending panned out, I AM HERE FOR IT~ 😊

Another series by The Wordsmith is already cooking! @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated.
Thanks for the love and support.

Stay up

#SanmiSaturdays
© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · African Fiction · African Stories · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Fiction · Life · Stories · TheRants

Against Counsel – Part 3

Against Counsel
Part III

A cloud hovered over the home. There was a dreary silence that consumed the place.
It was palpable.
You could almost touch the discomfort around the house.
She barely said anything, my sister.
The evening dragged along, I couldn’t wait for the night to come.
I know my sister.
She is the type to not speak when she is upset or angry. Mostly out of the fear of being hurtful but this was different, she was hurt into silence.

We put the girls to sleep together. As we walked out of their room, she started to move faster, I lunged to grab her.
She shook off my reach and ran into her bedroom, slamming the door shut behind her.
She slid down behind the door and I could hear it.
Her tears.
My heart shattered.

“Abike, please open the door”

She didn’t respond.
I could hear her sobbing louder. Her husband approached the hallway but stood at a distance.

“Sis, I know you are upset. Please can we just talk?”

She sniffled and said

“go away! I don’t want to talk to you…”

I quickly quipped back

“I am not going anywhere until you open this door”

She went silent for a moment and then I heard her shuffle on the floor. The door opened.
I walked in and I turned to my left. There she sat on the floor, her back on the door.
She was crying.

I walked to the right of the room and sat on the bed.

“Abike, I am sorry.”

She looked up at me, almost like my words were a verified lie and said

“Sorry?
You kept all of this from me. Me????
Of all people! I come to you with everything!
Everything! I tell you all that is going on with me and my life and you keep this from me?!
And now you want to claim that you are sorry?!
How am I supposed to take that Adeola? How?!”

I was already crying when she stopped talking. I was trying to find the right words to explain everything but all I could come up with was

“I am sorry”

She stood up and said

“Stop saying that!”

I snapped and yelled as I got up

“What do you want me to say?!!!!
What do you fucking want me to say?!…. How was I supposed to pick up the phone and tell my little sister that my husband of almost a decade has been cheating on me with another man, or that I am dying?! Tell me how!

….I understand this is hard for you but come on!
I am the one who is dying here and it’s not even the cancer that has been killing me, it’s having to hide and put on a front that I am fine when I am clearly not. That’s the painful part. So cut me some slack….

 

…..I’ve lived this life and nothing to show for it. A wrecked home and I’m leaving the ones I love. Everything I worked hard for, I’m losing.”

I slumped back onto the bed and she walked up to me.
As she sat next to me on the bed, she placed her hands around me and said

“I’m sorry sis. I’m scared”

Tears down both our faces, as we leaned our heads into each other.
We just sobbed together.
Suddenly she stopped and she looked at me.
I turned my head to the right and looked at her. Both of us at eye level and then she said

“I don’t know how yet, but we are going to beat this thing”

All i could say in reply was

“Thank you”

……

I was babysitting the girls on a Saturday night while their parents attended a church event. I believe I was scrolling through Facebook – something I had done significantly less because it always reminded me of how much I didn’t have.

Wunola made a noise because her sister hit her arm. I quickly sprang up from my seat.
They quickly resolved the issue and as I sat back down, I realized that children were something I was not going to have.
There was already pain of not having children for so long. In a weird way, there was some relief.
Maybe I wasn’t meant to have children after all. Like it was all God’s plan.
Imagine a world where I had to leave a child behind?
I firmly believe that it would have hurt me even more than I was feeling in that moment.

I kept thinking about my life and my “legacy”.
For some, it is to leave a business behind that thrives and makes wealth for their children.
For some, it is to be impactful and be remembered for good things.
I think it was in that moment I really realized that there was more to do in life even without children and a husband.
I loved these little girls and I had done so much for myself already.
I looked down at them and I whispered to myself

“I’m going to beat this thing”

…..

The next morning, I was up very early.
Before everyone in the house. It was around 4am.
I was just staring at the ceiling and wondering how things could have been different.
Would it have been different if I had married someone else?
Stayed in the States?
Become a lawyer instead of a counselor?

Thoughts ran through my head.
I began to remember when Tobias and I were first picking baby names when I first thought I was pregnant.
This was two years into our marriage.
There was no way I could have seen all of this coming. Tobias was so excited. He was sure we would have girls and he would protect them.
You should have seen the way his face would light up as he painted a perfect future for our children.
I was in dreamland.
Now here I was trying to figure out if I had been played all along.

As preacher of “the signs are always there”, I felt like I had let myself down.
There was such guilt and disappointment in myself and my choices.
But then I remembered all the times I was being put down for not having children and how he held me up.
He was really there for me.
So how do you fake that?

 

I remember a night when we got into a heated fight.
It was about the fact that he went out with his boys and didn’t contact me for almost two days.
He explained that he just needed time. I started wondering why he would do that.
Was he already seeing that man then?
A part of me wanted answers, so I picked up my phone and I dialed out.
A sleepy Lizzy picked the phone on the other side.
I spoke as she muffled

“Hello”

My reply was short

“Let my clients know that I am back at work starting Monday”

She smiled and said

“Yes ma”

You are right, I changed my mind. The past didn’t deserve my energy.
The future needed all of what I had left, if I was going to beat this thing.

……

I returned to work the following week and I was crushing it.
My body was struggling to keep me up. I would randomly get weak but I couldn’t stop fighting.
Lizzy recommended treatment abroad and I was starting to consider going to stay with my cousin in Atlanta.

She drove me to my check up at the hospital.
As we were talking, I started to feel like myself in my mind but clearly not in my body.
The doctor came in and asked if I wanted Lizzy to be present as he shared the results, I told him I was fine with it.
He was about to read them to me, when we heard a knock on the door.

The door slowly opened and Abike and her husband peered into the room.
Smiles on their faces as they came in.

“What are you guys doing here?”

I asked as I kissed Abike on the cheek.
She smiled and said

“Uhh… we came to support you. Duh…”

I felt so warm inside.
The doctor, smiling, asked if I wanted him to come back to read the results, I told him no.
This was my family and my backbone.
As he again was about to start, he was interrupted. This time by Abike.
She said

“Sis, I know you are probably going to hate me for this but I think there is something you need to do before all this.
well someone you should speak to”

I rolled my eyes.
They ambushed me.
I was trying to be annoyed when the door opened and Tobias walked in with my favorite flowers.
I quickly said

“If you think a bouquet of flowers will do anything, then you are grossly mistaken”

He placed them on the bed and said

“Adeola, I am really sorry for all that has happened….

…I want to be here for you as much as I can. Please forgive me and give me the chance to fight this thing with you. Please…”

I looked up at him and said

“There is so much we need to talk about before any of that can happen and I can’t do that right now…

…Doc, please read the results. This is my ex-husband but this saves me the trip of explaining the updates to him”

Everyone in the room was quiet.
The doctor broke the awkward silence and said

“Well… from the last time you were here, we found some irregularities in the test.
That was why we had you come in again, so soon.
…Ummm from these tests that we just ran. We found out that you are 2 months pregnant.”

The entire room gasped.
My heart sunk. What was this going to mean?
What would happen to this unborn being?
I finally said

“Run the test again”

As I finished, he said

“I expected you to be shocked, which is why I had the test run three different times in our facility and one time in a neighboring facility.
Miss Adeola, you are pregnant. Congratulations”

The doctor excused himself and as the door shut behind him, I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole.
What a nightmare!
As I was trying to get back on track, life throws this at me again.

I looked around and everyone was in shock. No one was able to say a word.
A few seconds went by and then I looked up to Tobias and said

“I guess you’re going to be a daddy after all”

His face got sullen and he said

“I don’t think that’s what is going to happen here unfortunately”

I asked

“What do you mean?

He replied and said

“I am just being transparent thats all. That baby is not mine”

I got up from my seat and slapped him.

“How dare you?!”

I muttered to him.

“What do you mean this baby is not yours?

He said

“Because this is not my child. I got a vasectomy 5 years ago.
No way in hell that baby is mine”

The whole room froze and I felt my soul exit my body. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

Lizzy squealed and I asked

“Will you be here next week for the concluding part of this series?”

I hope to find you here. Don’t worry, catch your breath and I’ll meet you back here next week for the concluding part of this captivating series.
It’s WTHM and #SanmiSaturdays

Against Counsel – Part 3 by The Wordsmith @adewus4real

Thanks for the love and support.
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Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#SanmiSaturdays
© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · Bloggers · Poetry

You Ruined Our Home

The variations and the parallels are endless
The things and ways we remain similar will leave you speechless
I’ve met certain from which the encounter has left me breathless
But others I’ve met and realized that many people remain tasteless
See I’ve betrayed trust and I’ve let folks down
I’ve forgotten values and in many ways, I’ve let doubt abound
Easily it comes in and shatters relationships
It puts them in a chokehold and slowly strangles the life out of them
Now we all lay lifeless and hurt from all the drama and bullshit
Man
Hurt is one conversation I don’t want to revisit

…..

The heart of man is desperately wicked the bible says
And I swear that plays out in unique situations every day
Men stab men in their faces
Women aren’t too far behind in the races
See we can say our parents and the generation before us taught us better
But the truth is
Did anyone really bother?
From coups to stolen husbands
To deaths just to acquire more bands we are a lost few
Righteous today but we fade quickly like the morning dew

…..

Did you ever understand how easy it is to lose your way?
How quickly the plot gets lost in the day to day
Some of us camp on Twitter all day
Looking for our next prey
We stalk the TL’s
Trying to pick fights from the latest dumb shit “bae” said today
The slander is endless
A new victim every day
But the true victim most cases is you
Because it’s you who failed to stay true

…..

The person you portray to the world
Should be the same across the board
Regardless of the location
Your true identity to should have no variations
But we change
And let our morals and ethics go
As we drift out of range
I’m not immune don’t get me wrong
I wrote this with a heavy heart
But so my name could be on your tongue
I swear if I could sing my feelings I would put them in a song
But the truth remains
You’ll only hear me for how long??

…..

My heart has been broken from friends to friends
I said that twice because the difference is not clear
They are some people you’ll always go to bat for
But those are the ones you pray never ever hurt you at all
Sad to say but they are the ones that can hurt you where you can call
For help or even a reason to again stand tall
Never underestimate your influence before you mane a friend fall
Like me here crying my feelings while curled up into a ball

…..

I heard someone I loved say horrible things about me
It broke my heart
But I only blame myself because I should have known from the start
This life is not a game
But someone has to lose and it’s a shame
I only ask that you never forget my name
Because broken hearted preventing your hurt will be my only aim
I plan on remaining the same
Truthful as possible and not on the losing side in this game
Now with this feeling I might rise to fame
But please be a true friend and always help me stay the same

….

I’ve never set out to hurt anyone
But I have been hurt a lot
Repeatedly in situations when betrayal or hurt was an afterthought
I don’t expect you to understand but I know you do
But you might relate if the same things has happened to you
I write this in the dark of my heart
Waiting for a spark
It’s hard to hold faith
When your heart is repeatedly torn apart.

#WhatTheHeckMan Written in my car.
Sometimes people without warning place their hearts in our hands. It is our job to keep it safe. Guarded against the problems and trials of life as best as we can. You are responsible for many you don’t even realize. Never betray the trust of someone, no matter how minute it might be. You don’t know what door you might close forever if you open the wrong wounds.

….

All of that above the line, was written in 2014.
It is now 3 weeks shy of the exact time I posted that piece in 2014. Here I am feeling worse pain than I have ever felt before.

Tonight I got off the phone with a true friend. One that I have let down.
Greatly.
Sometimes people wonder why I write about myself so openly but I write because sometimes I can’t even find the words to speak. But more importantly that someone doesn’t make the same mistake as me.
It is damning when someone says things about you that truly make you reflect on your character.

“He asks women for money, that is his how he gets money…”
“He is an emotionally abusive person that stays in women’s lives to control them”
“He is a puppet master that have 5-6 women on rotation to use…”

Truth is none of those are even close to true. Well maybe the last one, I did have a time when I dated multiple women because I feared commitment and being vulnerable with just one. Cowardly move, I know. But those days are long gone.

What hurts the most is they are even said about me to begin with. My father always said to me, “your name will travel to places that your feet may never touch, protect your integrity and the honor in your name”
Deep within me, I know those things aren’t true but they hurt. They hurt especially when they come from someone you once loved and respected.
I had someone called a best friend and even introduced to my parents as a true confidant.
To have them turn around and use things that I told them in confidence and in varying contexts to hurt my character hurts.
Deeply.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I am writing this but I am not a saint by any stretch but I also would never go the lengths that this person has gone.
You live and you learn.
A friend said to me,

“Figure out who’s there for a good time and who’s there for a long time. No, really. Make sure you’re not expending your love and energy on people who are seasonal. As much as you want to show love to everyone you care about, sometimes you just can’t. There’s only so much you can give. You also said in your post that not everyone is deserving of this “demanding” treatment.

Outside family, I don’t have too many people I consciously put in effort to love. This allows me to love others [the general public] in a less consuming way.
God does put some people in our lives for a season (to be a blessing to them or for them to be a blessing/lesson to us) – and for that season I try to show love whichever way they need it. These people could be as random as someone who needs advice and support to start up a business or one who needs encouragement through a rough time. It is OKAY to love them from afar once that period is over.
Pray that you’re able to discern who holds what position. When I’m unable to tell the difference, I leave it to God and pray I’m okay with taking a step back when the respective seasons for the temporary relationships end.”

 

My mother always told me!
“The only people you can really trust is your family. My children and my husband are my best friends…”
I don’t think it ever truly sunk in till tonight.
As two of my closest friends berated and chastised me, my eyes welled up but I had no one to blame but myself.
I have always had a problem of blindly trusting people and allowing myself to share. Things they would later use to hurt me.

 
You live and you learn. You truly do.
I have much to work on. My temper, my discernment, my relationships – I am heavily flawed but the monster I was painted to be tonight, woke me up. I have to respect myself and know my worth. And never do things that will let my character be questioned. And also move from continuing to care for and protect people that have only tried to tear me down. It’s truly all out war to defend my character.
I have to be better for me and for the sake of my name.

So I share the words of a man I admire with every interaction.
He said –

“My life is far from perfect. The past year has made a lot of my shortcomings very evident: I’m not as smart as I would like; I’m not as wholesome a man as I would want; I’m not as financially disciplined as I should be; I’m not as good a friend as I would like to believe; I’m nowhere near as good a Christian as I claim I am; and I’m certainly not as great a dancer as I sometimes imagine myself to be. But with even greater clarity, what I have seen in the past year is that in spite of all these faults, I am loved; loved by God, loved by family, loved by friends. And to be very honest, while I work on the shortcomings that I can work on and strive to be the best version of me that I can be, that love is all I need.”

I will like to thank those that genuinely care for my growth; as a person and as someone deserving. I love you.
And with that, I will like to use my open to diary to say a big apology to a true friend.
Who has always had my back through every phase and every mistake.
I wish I had the words or things to repay you but I know God will never make you lack any good thing.

Ninzlo, you are a blessing. Thank you for being a best friend anyone could ask for.

 It’s WordsOfWednesday. I hope you have a great rest of the week everyone.
Try to be your best self today and going forward. You’ll be better for it.

Till next time, Stay up!

Follow me on Twitter and Instagram @adewus4real

Part 3 of my current series “Against Counsel” will be out on 8.5.17

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#WordsOfWednesday
© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · African Fiction · African Stories · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Stories · TheRants

Against Counsel – Part 2

I just stood there, staring at them.
Motionless.
I wanted to move, but I couldn’t.
My therapist would later say it was due to the shock I felt and I have to agree.
How could he?
How could he stoop so low?
How could he do that me after everything?

My face was blank as he covered up himself up with the bed sheets.
He stretched out his hands and said,

“Babe, let me explain!”

I didn’t let him finish, instead, I turned to the left towards the man standing there.

Right then it struck me, I knew who he was!

As I turned to him, he ducked and tried to hide his face.

I moved closer to him and said,

“Turn the fuck around!”

He failed to move.

I walked up behind him and placed my hand on the back of his right shoulder and made him turn around.

I was right. I knew him, I just wasn’t sure where from.

I squinted while I looked at him and said,

“Where do I know you from?”

His head down and turned away. As he turned, it struck me.

My eyes grew big as I gasped,

“Aren’t you Susan’s brother?!”

He turned and bolted for his clothes. Susan was one of my employees and her brother had interned for me a few years prior.

I started laughing sarcastically as my husband approached me.

“You are such a dog!
Worse than the filth of this Earth! Oh my God!
How did I ever think to marry you?”

I headed for the door as he reached for me. His left arm touched me. I turned and screamed,

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!!!”

I stormed out of the room.

On my way out of the house, I stopped by the living room and grabbed my iPhone charger.
It wasn’t until after I had been held up in traffic and driving for about 10 minutes, that I began to I broke down.
Tears were streaming down my face, I felt broken.
Shattered.

I kept asking myself  two questions, “Why?” and “What will people think of me?”

I felt like my world was crumbling around me.
I was so lost in thought that I didn’t realize when traffic started moving. The car behind me honked, and I stepped on the gas a little too hard and I bumped into the car in front of me.

…..

I called my driver who I had just dismissed earlier when I stormed out of the house.
The person I hit was yelling at me hysterically. It made sense, especially since the car he was driving belonged to his boss.

I tried to calm him down but he wouldn’t stop yelling. Cars were squeezing around us to get through.
I just wanted to get out of there.

“Madam! I no know how you go do am but you must pay me o. My oga (boss) go kill me!!”, he hysterically wailed at me.

Frustrated, I took a deep sigh and asked,

“How much will be enough to cover this?”

He stopped and looked at me,

“Madam, me I no know o but you go pay for am.”

I turned to my driver and said,

“Adamu, go with him to the mechanic. I will call my assistant to meet you there. She will handle the bill once the car is fixed.”

He nodded and said,

“Madam, you sure sey you go dey okay?”

I nodded while waving him off. I turned to the driver of the car I hit and asked,

“That one go dey okay?”

He shyly nodded as his face was washed with relief.

They both jumped into the other car and headed off.
I returned to my car and headed for a nearby hotel that my husband and I frequently used on date nights.
I just needed some quiet so I could think.

As my back touched the bed, I curled up into a ball and it felt like my mind began doing a full highlight reel of my life with my husband.
Every situation and circumstance we had experienced. I couldn’t begin to understand what was going on.
My heart began to go through different phases. There was betrayal, then anger, then I felt guilt and embarrassment.

“Maybe this was my fault for not giving him children.”, I thought to myself.
But that would not explain him being with a man.

Another wave of tears came about, I had been with a man that was a liar and a fraud.
How could I have been so stupid?
I pretty much cried myself to sleep that night.

When I opened my eyes, it was 9am.
I was typically up before 5am on most days. I was clearly exhausted.

I had my clothes from my trip to Ghana, so I freshened up and decided that I would go about my day.
The one thing I was sure of was that if I stayed balled in, I would only think about my problems.
So I decided to immerse myself into my work, with the hopes of getting better.

I showed up at the office with my sunglasses on as I walked through the building.
No one was going to see the pain in my eyes.
I met with my first clients of the day, shortly after 11am.

They were a couple going through a divorce. A huge part of providing therapy for anyone is always being able to check your countertransference.
As they discussed their issues with me, I found myself doubting every word that came out of the man’s mouth.
I could just hear the words my husband said at our last session, coming out of his mouth like it was a voice over….

“I would never leave you for another woman…”

Carefully put by a bastard who had mastered playing the lines.
Yes, he did not leave me for a man but he thought it was okay to be with another man?

My mind had wandered and I snapped back into the present.
I don’t even remember giving any advice to that couple that day, I just wanted them to be honest with themselves.

I said to both of them, “This will only work if the two of you are truly and completely honest with each other.
Not even seeing me will help if the other is still holding back.”

That was the crux of what I said before I sent them on their way.
I was responding to emails when I heard a knock on the door.

“Come in.” ,I said in an even tone.
The door drifted open and I looked up. It was my husband.

Filled with disgust, I asked, “What are you doing here?”

He shut the door behind him and he got down on his knees as he said, “Please let me explain.”

I could not believe this man.

I stood up and yelled, “Explain what…?!
How you cheated on me with another man?
How you lied to my face in months of therapy?
How long have you been taking it up your ass? Huh…?! How long have you been exposing me to diseases and disrespect…? Tell me!
Is that what you came to explain…?

…we were supposed to be in this together. To prove the world wrong and show that true love perseveres.
Everything I preach and teach my clients is a lie! All because of you and your selfish ass.
I pray you rot in hell. I have nothing more to say to you.
Get out of my office!”

He stayed on the floor and just looked up at me for mercy.
Mercy didn’t live here.
I knew no mercy and I say this to you now, if I could, I would have killed him.

He stretched out his hands like a beggar in Ojodu and said, “Please find it in your heart to forgive me.”

Those words set me off.

“Forgive you?!
Forgive you???
No, I need to find a way to forgive myself for the mistake of marrying you. Since you won’t leave, I’ll leave for you.”

I grabbed my purse, car keys and made my way for the door.
As I approached him, he stood up and grabbed me.
Those strong arms that once protected me, felt like a prison I could not break free from.

“Let me go! Tobias, let me gooooo!
Let me go.. let me goo… let meeeee gooooo!!”

I broke down in tears in his arms as he held the back of my head.
I cried in his arms and he held on to me. A part of it felt familiar and also unclean.
A few moments passed and I pushed him off.
Teary eyes, I looked up to him and said, “You fucked me over. I never did anything to deserve this!”

I stormed out of my office and caught the eye of Lizzy, my assistant as I headed out.
I paused and said, “You can reach me on my cell for any urgent matters but please reschedule all my appointments for the week and help me look into a ticket to London for next week. Thanks.”

She forced a smile as I walked out.

Lizzy was a true confidant and as I headed out, I felt like I trusted her more than I trusted myself.

As I drove away, I selected the late Fela Anikulapo Kuti’s album “Gentleman”.
Windows down, shades on, tears streaming down my cheeks – I blasted one of the truly legendary albums ever released out of Africa.
Straight to my sister’s house, I went. I needed a lifting.
I needed my nieces.

……

Nobody was home when I arrived.
I parked on the side of the street and just sat on the front steps.
Gazing into the settling evening, I must have been sitting there for about 4 hours.

I heard their footsteps as they turned the corner, my nieces ran up to me and hugged me.
Their parents followed closely behind.
As my sister approached me, she said, “How long have you been sitting there?”

I smiled and lied, “Not too long. How are you guys?!”

I redirected my attention to my nieces. Off they went!

Chattering about their day and everything colorful within it. Bliss.
As we entered the living room, they headed to their rooms to finish their homework and then come out to play.

My sister and I sat down in the living room. Her husband turned on the television and flipped through the sports channels.

She turned and asked me point blank, “What is wrong?”

A part of me wanted to lie but I couldn’t anymore.

I dropped my head for a moment, took in a deep breath. I looked up and said, “Tobias has been cheating on me”

She gasped.

Her husband turned around and looked towards us. He stepped back from the television and came to sit next to me.

She gathered herself and said, “Sis, I am so sorry to hear that…
…Are you okay?
How did you find out…?”

I smiled and fought back tears as I said, “Let’s just say I found out.”

My sister patted my back and simultaneously rubbed it as she said, “You know you are always welcome to come and stay here with us.”

I nodded and replied, “That won’t be necessary. I am already staying somewhere.”

She knew better than to argue with me.

I gave them some more updates on my trip to Ghana and the last 12 hours of my day with him coming to my office.

As I wrapped up, I asked, “Where are the girls?”

My sister replied and said, “They are finishing up their homework. They should be done soon.
…In the meantime, can I get you anything to drink? Water, juice, wine, whiskey…?”

She motioned and smiled as she walked towards the kitchen.
I smiled at her trying to cheer me up and said, “Whiskey. On the rocks.”

“Alrighty! Babe, what about you?”,she asked her husband.

“A beer is okay babe.”

She disappeared into the kitchen.

As the kitchen door closed, her husband moved closer to me and said, “I am sorry Adeola. I can’t even begin to understand how hard this must be for you”

He paused and said,“This doesn’t change much for me though, I still think you need to tell him.”

I looked at him in confusion and said, “Why would I need to tell him that? Why would I even tell anyone that right now?”

He sighed and said, “I understand that it is hard for you but you have to tell him. You need to tell the people you love. They deserve to know.”

As those words sailed off, my sister was halfway into the room.

She said, “Tell us what.”

I looked up and saw the uncertainty written all over her face.

I looked at her husband, her and then sighed before saying, “I have stage IV ovarian cancer.”

Before I could finish my sentence, the glass in her hand dropped and shattered all over the floor.

At that very same moment, from the corner of my eye, I saw my nieces burst into the living room.

It all happened like it was in slow motion but the farthest from it, my life was a rollercoaster ride at it was about to fly off the tracks.

Be back here on Saturday 7-29-17 for Part 3 of this gripping series; Against Counsel

 

Against Counsel – Part 2 by The Wordsmith @adewus4real

Thanks for the love and support.
Stay up

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#SanmiSaturdays
© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan

 

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · Life · TheRants

I F*cked a Prostitute in Amsterdam

Burna’s Rock Your Body playing….

I am sitting next to an empty boat on the water in the middle of the Red Light District.
Let’s just start by saying I hate the use of the word “Prostitutes”. Sex workers is a much classier title.
It’s late. Four minutes to eleven.
There is an outdoor male toilet about 10feet to my left.
I wandered here.
On both sides of the water, there are probably about 400 people just doing people stuff.
We are all here for similar or different reasons, after all.

I’m in a mood.
You might know it.
Somewhere in between a huge meltdown and riding a wave of optimism.
I am on probably my most elaborate and exciting vacation in my life.
Taking in culture and experiences but something feels missing.

Everyone seems to think I should have the world at my feet. Recent MBA graduate, “talented writer”, host of growing show, handsome man who should be happy in love but I can’t seem to meet this guy they speak of.

 

Graduating recently came with a well-deserved lap of honor before my family and friends but reality soon set in.
I don’t know what to do next.
I am annoyed, tired and just mostly mehhhhh.

Being on the cusp of what next has me shook.
Because I am now asking “what next?”
I know what I want to happen next career wise- an opportunity that allows me to be of service while paying me what I am now worth with the debt AND let’s not forget education that I have now acquired.
I also want to start pushing this creativity thing.
I have started working on my book and I really want to take script writing classes. I want to bring life to some of the work I have done but also tell stories of real people.

Check out my current series Against Counsel here.

Kiss Daniel’s Sofa is blasting in my ears as I wonder why I love it so much.
Today, I visited the Anne Frank house in Amsterdam. I was moved to say the least.
Sometimes I wish I didn’t “feel” as much as I do.
But her story is unique and much like mine, it was living on the fear that it may never be told.

Anne and her Jewish family hid in an Annexe in Amsterdam from the Germans that invaded the Netherlands during World War II. She and her siblings never left that house for two years.
She wrote extensively in her diary which would later become one of the most read books around the world.

The thing about Anne that I resonated with was that she found courage even without understanding how it would turn out.
She kept writing.
I have so much so why do I keep holding out on myself.

I am sitting by the water because I could feel a horrible mood coming on.
I just walked out of my hotel and left a sleeping Itafe to come here.
Because I needed something, something I couldn’t give myself.
But the moment I opened the note app and started writing this, I felt a bit better.
I have no formal writing training and I think I am a horrible writer – I am definitely my own worst critic.
So why am I not seeing me?
The boat I was sitting next to and hoping to get on to take pictures is now drifting away. It must be the wind. Smh

Have you felt like you knew what step to take but you couldn’t?
Or you wanted to do more but you are unsure how?
Or everyone wants more of you but you have not the first clue how to start?
Sigh.
Join me and take a deep breath.
Let’s figure it out together, one line at a time.

Write out your next goal.
And what you need to do to get to it.
Now exhale.
Listen, you can do it.
Will it be easy? Hell the fuck no.
But you can do it.

As I get up to leave, one of the sex workers inside one of the Red windows, opens her door and says “hey cutie”.
I only heard her because I just turned of Bruno Mars singing “Chunky” in my ear.
I stopped and she said in what sounded like a Romanian accent

“Why you no smile baby?”

I smiled instantly and she said

“Enjoy your night”

I laugh as she does.
I turn around and notice that the boat I was sitting next to has now drifted right back to being right next to me.
I’m laughing as I write these final lines.
It’s an empty boat on sight but finessed right, it has all the necessary elements for a journey.
You ready? 😊

Please leave me a comment below. Thanks!

It’s #WordsOfWednesday by The Wordsmith @adewus4real
Stay up!

Part 2 of my current series “Against Counsel” will be out on 7.22.17

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#WordsOfWednesday
© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · African Fiction · African Stories · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Stories · TheRants · Uncategorized

Against Counsel

 

“Mummy, buy groundnut?
Mummy, buy from me ma. It’s fresh one”

The little boy hawked his bottled ground nuts to me. I could see the desperation in his eyes.
This was his livelihood. He had to sell.
I so badly wanted to get him out of his reality but was that really my place?

“How much?

I asked

“tiri (three) hundred naira ma”

I handed him a thousand naira note.
He took a quick glance at it and then said

 

“Mummy, I no get change ma”

I smiled and said

“No worry. Keep am”

His face lit up and he almost jumped in place with shock written all over his face.
He tried to hand me the bottle of ground nut.
I said

“I no want”

He looked even more surprised and said

“But you just pay for am mummy..”

I nodded and said

“I know. But I no dey chop am”

He finally got it
He knelt down on the hot tar in Lagos traffic and thanked me

“God go bless you madam. Anything you day find, God go day bless you”

I smiled as I rolled up the window in the back of my car.
I looked up at the driver and the traffic still ahed of us.
This was the part I hated and loved about Lagos.
Moments like this in traffic, I could think and gather my thoughts but also get consumed by thoughts that I should avoid.

“Hello… aha aha! Can’t you hear me?”

I could hear my sister and best friend Abike speaking, through my headphones.
I replied

“Abike, why are you shouting?”

She hissed and said

“It’s your people in your family that are shouting”

We both laughed as I said

“I keep telling you I’m adopted. All of them in your family are not okay.
We are almost there sha”

She replied and said

“Okay. Jide just walked in with the kids sef.”

I smiled.
I was getting to see my babies.
My sister had two adorable little girls and I love them like they are mine.
They just bring me so much joy.

“I think we should be there in 10 minutes, I’ll call you when we are outside”

….

As I stepped out of the car, Wonuola (6) and Wuraola (4) both rushed towards my outstretched arms.
I gave them big hugs as their smiles lit up my world.
They just seemed so full of love and I needed that.
After long weeks and life draining all of what I had left, I would often stop by and just spend time with two people that saw me as a superhero.

Sitting in the living room, they ran rings around Jide and Abike. I loved every minute of it.
The two hours I spent with them made up for everything I had lost all week.
As I left, I gave Abike a hug and she handed me my gele (African Head Tie) and said

“Next week o!
I’ll come to the Island and we can go”

She was referring to a family friends birthday part that I was going to need the head tie for.
I hooped in the back of the car and my driver backed out of their house.

As we made our way to my next meeting, my mind raced.
Spending time with my nieces always reminded me of my own reality.
I am extremely happy for my sister in motherhood and watching my nieces fills me with so much joy.
But I always leave asking when will it be my turn.
I wanted to be a mother. I want to be a mother.
I’ve been married for 9 years and been waiting on God to bless my home with children.

 

I run my marriage counseling outfit and my husband is an engineer with one of the top firms in the country.
Money is not the problem but a 5 bedroom house feels empty very quickly when there is no one running through the halls.
I just celebrated my 36th birthday and I was subtly reminded that I didn’t have any children as people had to find sitters or some canceled because of children related obligations.
It’s a difficult reality.

 

I was very absent from the meeting.
Physically present but my mind was elsewhere. The meeting was just to finalize the budget for my company and get my signature.
30minutes later, I was walking out of the conference room and heading into my office.
My assistant closely followed me behind, she said

“Ma, we need to reschedule the Odufalu’s appointment”

I looked at her and said

“Schedule it and put it on my calendar. Okay?”

She nodded as I picked up some documents and headed out of the office.
Back into the car I went and on to the next stop.

…..

I snatched my purse and rushed out of the car. I was trying to be really quiet as I snuck into the waiting room.
My husband Tobias was sitting on his phone.
I sat next to him placing my purse on my lap as I said

“Sorry I’m late”

He was on a phone call but he smiled and leaned in to give me a kiss.
He ended the call a few seconds later and turned to me
He said

“How are they?”

I beamed and replied

“Beautiful as always”

as I pulled out my phone to show him a video I had taken of my nieces from earlier in the day.
We laughed together and then we got called in for our appointment.

Couples therapy.
As a therapist, I fought the idea for the longest time. I felt like it was a personal smear on my part and a sign of failure.
My husband is a good man.
The thoughtful kind.
The “I intentionally do just because shit for you” kind. A protector and a great listener.
But 9 years of childlessness can begin to take its toll. The pressures from both of our families began to weigh on us.
I went from being really vivacious and expressive to being reclusive.
He became the opposite, needing to step up and show up for me in the face of our families.
There was still a lot of love between us.
But something was missing.

 

“I just don’t always know how to talk to her anymore.
Like it feels like we recycle the same subjects that frustrate us. We want a child. But we can make one out of salt, can we?…

…I know she feels responsible and holds a lot of that on herself but I just wish she would know that I love her deeply and nothing can take that away.”

He finished as he looked over my way and the therapist turned to me to respond.
I sighed and rubbed my thighs before saying

“Yes, I do feel responsible.
I have sleepless nights and I see he is withdrawn and it scares me.
I know he loves me but we all have needs. I know he is about to be 40 and pictured being a dad years ago.
I daily feel a sense of guilt and I worry that one day, I might not be enough for him anymore.”

The therapist said

“Tobias, what do you have to say about how she feels?”

He turned to me and held my hand,

“Babe, you are one of the best things to ever happen to me.
I thank God for allowing you to say yes to me every day. I really really love you.
And I don’t want you t forget that. I know our communication has not been great lately but I guess that is why we are doing this together.
I can promise you that I will never leave you for any other woman and I will do my best to make sure our communication is much better”

I smiled and I could feel the honesty in his voice.
It was only our third session but I felt good about it as we walked out.
He pulled me in close and gave me a really big kiss.
I felt it in my spine. As I pulled away, I said

“You are lucky I am heading to the airport, otherwise, we would have for sure made a baby tonight”

He laughed and smacked my bum as I walked to my car.

“I love you”

I shouted across the way as I entered the car.
He turned and said

“I love you too…. Let me know when you get to Ghana”

……

One of my old clients, owned a school in Accra and she invited me to hold a talk for the girls at her school.
The talk was about women empowerment and being able to chase their dreams.

So that Saturday morning, we had a breakfast breakout sessions with the girls.
It was engaging and inspiring.
I felt like I was learning so much from these beautiful young women.
They spoke about their goals and dreams in a way that I hoped my nieces would, some day.

Some spoke about family pressures, the lack of representation in the fields they wanted to explore.
But I felt like I offered my story as an example of powering through and finding your voice.

I was feeling very good and while I was scheduled to stay in Accra till Monday morning, I was missing Tobias.
So on Sunday morning, I headed to the airport and luckily enough, I was able to get on a flight.
As I landed, I headed straight for the church. I was hoping to surprise my husband by joining him at church.
The second service was wrapping up when I got there but he was nowhere in sight.
I called his phone and no answer. I figured he was probably at home watching football and decided not to go to church because I wasn’t there to bother him into going.

 

As the Uber pulled into the driveway, his car was not there.
Mine was parked under the outdoor garage canopy, so I thought he must have headed out with his boys.
I opened the door and set down my suitcase at the foot of the stairway. I placed my purse next to it and kicked off my shoes.
Turning right, I headed into the kitchen when I poured myself a glass of wine. I could hear noises from our bedroom.
It was the television.
I remember chuckling and just thinking that this man was here ignoring my calls and watching football.

Hitting the landing upstairs, I heard my husband say

“Babe”

And I responded while opening the door

“Yes my King”

His eyes grew big and he said

“Shit!”

as he scrambled to get covered.
I asked

“Whats wrong babe?”

He couldn’t speak but he didn’t need to.
Seconds later, a butt-ass naked young man walked into the room with his semi hard penis dangling.
I felt my heart hit the bottom of my stomach.
My husband of 9 years with a naked man in my matrimonial bed.
WhatTheHeckMan!

Against Counsel by The Wordsmith @adewus4real

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#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · African Fiction · African Stories · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Stories · TheRants

Last Night

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Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Tick….
I was holding my head beneath my bangs with my left hand, as I stared at the clock, which punished me for each minute I had stolen every morning this week.
It was moving painfully slow and I just wanted to go home.
I was so tired.
But thank God it was Friday.

I don’t remember ever running out of the office as fast I did that day. Except for the time when I had a flight to catch.
I rushed into my car and headed home. I just wanted to slump on my bed and binge watch OINTB until I passed out.
As I neared my house, I realized that I didn’t have any more wine. I must have consumed all of it, although it was a slow week.

I turned into the Bevmo parking lot and headed for the wine.
10minutes later, I was heading home and my weekend was about to begin.
It was a struggle to pull myself up the stairs and into my bed.
I slumped into my bed, without taking my clothes off. I sipped my wine and picked the episode I wanted to watch.
I must have dozed off like I always do once the wine kicks in.

I was awoken by my phone.
“Hey girl, what are you up to… wait, are you sleeping?”
My best friend Tola asked me before I could even answer.

“Babe, I didn’t even realize I had knocked out.
What’s going on?”

She laughed and then said in a clearly distracted tone,
“Come on! Let’s go… no, please put that in a separate bag. Thanks.”

My eyes were still closed and I said,
“Come where? Where are you going?
Cause only Jesus can get me out of this bed right now!”

She was walking out of the store she was in when she said,
“It’s Mayowa’s birthday. He’s getting a few tables at Liquid. Let’s go na.”

I slightly opened my eyes, noticing the Netflix screen asking “Are you still there?”

I told Tola,
“See eh, I’m so tired right now. Before I do makeup, fix my hair and everything…” I sighed thinking about it. “Can you see if Janet wants to go? I’m tired.”

I assumed she accepted my plea and was looking for another victim for her night out.
My phone rang a few minutes later, and to my surprise, it was Janet.
She didn’t say much other than,
“You’re going. Get ready. We’ll be there in an hour.”
That was Janet; the sweetest but also the most direct person I know.

An hour and a half later, we were doing shots on my kitchen counter and then we were off!
I was still tired and sleepy. My plan was to come back and get a few good hours of sleep in before my afternoon appointment on Saturday.
The crew at the club was the same as always, mostly people I grew up and went to college with.

It was your regular event, with Snapchat filters and flashing lights that filled the section as we celebrated a dear friends birthday.
I had gotten up to powder my nose, when I felt a gentle tap on my right arm.
I swung around to see who it was and boy, was I surprised!

I found myself locking eyes with a tall and dark-skinned man, as he began to flash his beautiful white smile. He said,
“I’m so sorry to have touched you but I just had to get your attention.”

I smiled and accepted his apology, telling him, “It’s okay.”

He then said,
“I’d love to buy you a drink.”

I smiled and said,
“How about when I return from the ladies room?”

He nodded in agreement.

Tola had seen the interaction and she raced into the bathroom.
She began questioning me,
“Who is he?!
Girlllllll he is fineeee!”

I also couldn’t stop smiling! She was right, he was very easy on the eyes… even though I knew nothing about him.
I replied her, “Girl I don’t  know. I’ll let you know when I get the gist.”

I headed back out and met him at the bar. He had two drinks waiting, as he leaned on the bar.

“You ordered for me?”,I asked him.

He nodded and said,
“I hope you don’t mind. I thought you might enjoy this drink.”

He slid a cosmopolitan my way and as I picked it up I said,
“I hope you didn’t spike my drink.”

He smiled and motioned upwards with his hands, while shaking his head vigorously.
I took a sip and a dope night began.

We talked in the corner and I showed him what a proper whine felt like a few times.
He was witty and funny.
He kept his strong hands around my waist as he matched my every move, I was really feeling him.

So you can understand my frustration when the lights came on and the DJ announced that the club was closing.

I tried to play it off as we walked outside, then he asked me,
“Have you ever had a chorizo and cheese hot dog from one of those carts?”
He pointed a few yards down the street.

My face lit up!
I loved them! How did he know? He couldn’t have known!
I slapped his right arm as I said,
“Shut up! I love those!”

“Ouch!”, he squealed like I had just broken his whole arm.

We laughed and walked up to the cart. As we ate the dogs, he asked,
“I hope your friends aren’t upset that I took you away from them tonight.”

I shook my head with my mouth full, as I swallowed I replied,
“No. I bet you they are glad they didn’t have to babysit me tonight. Cause I didn’t really want to come out.”

He gasped jokingly and said,
“So you mean you wouldn’t have met my awesomeness today?”

I chuckled and said,
“I guess that’s why I’m glad I did come out tonight.”

He smiled and turned towards me as he said,
“And I’m sad I’m going to have to leave you.”

I don’t know when I blurted it out but I said,
“We can go back to mines if you want, I still some wine left over.”

He smiled and replied,
“Who’s trying to get who drunk now?”

We both laughed.

For the whole Uber ride, I kept playing back that sequence and questioning myself,
“Why did I ask him to come over?!”

I only comforted myself by saying I knew I wasn’t going back to his place. At least this way, I could kick him out if I wanted. And I wouldn’t have had to be at some random guys apartment.

We arrived at my apartment and I let us in.
My wine glass was still sitting on the kitchen counter. I emptied it and poured myself a new glass as he opened the new bottle.
He proceeded to pour himself a glass and then walked over to the couch with the bottle in hand.

We went through that bottle and another as we just sat on the floor and talked about everything.
I loved that he works as a lawyer for a group of charter schools that served disabled children and he could play the guitar.
And that smile, oh that smile!
There was a point where he spoke and I just wished he would kiss me.
I wasn’t sure I wanted that on the first meeting but I tell you, his perfect lips were so annoying because they covered that gorgeous smile.

I remember him asking if he could kiss me.
I had always talked about how I thought any man that asked that was stupid because he should know if there was a vibe and if he had the green light, he would know.
But the way he asked melted me.

I just nodded sheepishly.
As he placed his soft lips on mine, I felt chills run through my spine and down my folded legs.
As he pulled away, he licked his lips and I wanted more.

I said
“You are trouble.”

He smiled and said,
“I’ll get in trouble for you.”

I pulled him in and I kissed him. Hard.

I’m not sure how long it was but he just locked his lips on mine. When he broke, he kissed my neck.
I could feel my walls contracting and I starting to flood.
My heart was racing and my mind was trying to catch up.
His lips were wet and soft down my neck and I tried to decide if I wanted this to go any further.

He kissed his was down my blouse and I just knew I was going to.
Somewhere in my mind, I said fuck it.

He was strong and gentle at the same time.
The way he cupped my breasts and squeezed them. And how he pulled me close…I was melting in his arms.

His tongue searched my hard drive for lost files. When he arrived at my navel, he looked up at me for approval.
I just wanted him to pull them off. I thanked my stars that I had recently gotten a wax.

He slowly pulled my panties off.

I was wet.

Not one of those, I’m not sure if it’s a drizzle or rain. It was a tsunami.

He smiled as he kissed my thighs and his lips parted mine.
I squirmed as he licked and slurped.

Oh, it felt so good.
For one, I was getting my pink feasted on, two, I didn’t have to direct him.
The man knew his way around me like he had been there before.

He nibbled and sucked, as he paced himself. I moaned and squirmed underneath the panel lights from the courtyard outside, which shined into my living room.

I could feel myself nearing a climax and it was like he knew it too. He pinned my thighs to his shoulders and dug in.

His tongue carried it’s strength in strokes as it twisted and circled around my now throbbing clit.

My toes curled, my back tensed and lifted off the couch with my pink still his mouth.

And there is was, climax. I let out a satisfying moan as I pushed him off me.

He sat back with a smug smile on his face like a proud winner.

I got up, moved closer to him and lowered my lips onto his shaft.
He moaned.

The warmth of my mouth combined with the swirl of my tongue had him holding on to the back of my head.

I looked up at him as I shifted his hips to my strokes.

He got harder in my mouth. I lifted my mouth off and asked,
“Do you have a condom?”

He reached for his pants on the floor and pulled one out of his wallet.

It was on.

He lifted me in his arms and headed for the kitchen counter. He placed me down, legs over his arms and slowly slipped into my wetness.

The view was amazing, his towering shoulders, the silhouette of the lighting behind him.

He gripped unto my waist as he slapped his pelvis into mine.

I wish you understand how good it felt to have someone dominate with such skill and obviously granted permission.
He slid out of me and walked me to my room, it was dark apart from the glow of the printer in the right hard corner.

No words.

He motioned for me to turn around and I did.

Face down, you know the rest.

As he went inside me, I clutched the sheets and cursed.

“Fuck!”

He was so strong, I tell you.

With each stroke, I thought I was going to break.
I can’t remember what he was saying but he was being so dirty and I liked it.

I could feel his balls slapping into my clit as my wetness transferred on to him.

He picked up and slowed the pace as he wanted.

I turned around to look at him and that’s where I had him.

His thrust got shorter and faster. He pounded harder and harder.

And there it was, a series of very satisfying grunts and he was done.

We laid there and tried to catch our breaths and then we laughed.

He said,
“That was amazing.”

I was glad he said it before I did because it was. I ran my right index finger down his chest and I got up.

Walking into the bathroom, I looked at myself in the mirror, a part of me wanted to feel bad but it was so good. I cleaned up and returned to the room.

He had his shirt and undergarments on.
He motioned to me and said,
“Do you want to cuddle?”

Do you know how that felt?!
A man that actually offers to cuddle?
And with those strong arms of his?

I quickly jumped into the bed. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.
On my back, I could feel his gentle heartbeat.
I remember thinking “what if” as I felt asleep.

The next morning, I woke feeling fresh.
I turned and tapped behind me and there was no one there.
He must have slipped out during the night.
“Oh well”, I thought. Hopefully, we’ll talk later.

I tried to find my phone but I soon realized that I had left it in the living room.
As I got up to get it, I could hear better.
I opened he bedroom door and there he was, briefs and a semi-hard member in between his legs. He was fixing me breakfast.

With a shy smile on my face, I said,
“Gbenga, You cook too?”

He turned and with a smile on his face, he replied,
“Only for special people.”

My smile got bigger.
He looked so good in there and his package between his legs was, even more, inviting in the morning.
I said,
“Well if you cook half as good as you eat, then I’m sure it will be awesome.”

The food was above average which was fair for most men.
What he did to me on my couch before he left was way above average.
I remember a sadness as he left before being reassured when he said,
“I’ll call you.”

I shut the door and I could not contain myself.
I was so happy and bouncy.
It hadn’t felt that good in so long.

I sat down on the couch with my tongue out covering half my smile. I picked up my phone and texted Tola.
“Gurllllllllllll!”

She knew what it meant.

Her reply was,
“Bissssssssh! That good?!

I replied,
“Girl you have no idea. All the gist after this gig. Love you, babe.”

I reached for my charger around the couch and plugged in my phone.
As I looked up at the clock, I muttered,
“Shit, I’m going to be late.”

I needed to shower and get going for my weekend gig.
I worked as a photographer and I took pictures of people and families as needed.
My client was this newly engaged couple that wanted to take their wedding announcement pictures.
But they lived over an hour away.
I hopped in the shower, and within 45 minutes, I was on my way.

It was a beautiful day out.
The shoot was going to be at a historic royal garden where I had shot before.
We were using a different side but I was excited all the same.
These gigs were the extra cash I had to pay off my student loans.
So I matter how tired I was, I always gave my best.

I made my way onto the grass and there she was. The soon to be bride.
I greeted her,
“Hey Danielle.”

I loved her. She was always so sweet over the phone and was referred by another client.
Always smiling and positive.
She turned and gave me the biggest hug.

“Sorry love, my fiancé is running a bit late.
He went out with his boys last night and you know how that can be.”

We laughed and just chatted about her upcoming wedding.
Her phone rang and she looked down to answer it.

“Hey babe, where are you?”, she asked.

He responded and she replied,
“We are over by the fountain.”, before ending the call.

“He’s here!”, she said to me with a smile on her face.

I couldn’t help but think, I can’t wait till I get those similar butterflies while in love.

I was fiddling with my camera when I heard a deep masculine voice say,
“Hey, baby.”

I knew that voice. Well, I thought I did, so I turned around and received the shock of my life.

She broke a short kiss from him and said,
“Ada, please meet my fiancé Gbenga.”

I almost choked on nothing. I was shocked.

He played it off like a pro as he walked up to me, stretched out his hand to shake mine.

I was so stunned that for a second, my brain forgot to tell my hand to rise.

We shook hands and he said,
“Sorry I kept both of you waiting, I got a little lost.”

“Bullshit!”, I thought.

He sure wasn’t lost last night when he was deep inside my gut like Indiana Jones.

Ugh! I felt so stupid.

I was even more annoyed by how well he played it off.
He was playful with his soon to be bride. Whispering sweet nothings in her ears, making her laugh and giggle.

All I could think of as the shutter on my camera closed was,
“Men are Scum!”

How could he?
Here I was about to brag about him to my girls!
From the gentleman-like behavior all night, to great sex and breakfast. I felt so insulted and disrespected but it was either shut up or crush this unassuming lady.

So I did my job and just felt sick inside.
The pictures were great and I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

I regretted the night before and I just wanted to head home, rip my off sheets since they were covered in his cologne and forget the past 24hrs ever happened.

As I sat in my car, I let out a deep sigh.
Thank God I wasn’t contracted to shoot their wedding because I don’t know if I would have been able to.
That thought was just leaving my head when my phone rang.

I reached for it and answered the call.
It was my boyfriend and he said,
“Hey, babe. How are you today?”

I shook my head as I almost vomited my insides filled with regret and disgust.
I composed myself and said,
“It was low-key babe. Didn’t even do anything.
How’s the hospital, any exciting patients?”

He answered away and my mind drifted off until I heard him say,
“Helloooo babe? Are you there?”

“Yes, babe. Sorry. Yes I am.”,
I replied apologetically.

He continued and said,
“I’m off in about 30minutes, what do you say to me coming over and making you something while we drink some wine and chill?”

My head dropped as I replied,
“I already ate babe. Rain check?”

He agreed and said goodbye.

Yeah, I ate quite alright and I was full of regret and disgust.

And thinking about my last 24hrs, all I could say was #WhatTheHeckMan

The End.

Please leave me a comment and let me know if you enjoyed the story. Thank you!

Last Night by The Wordsmith @adewus4real

Thanks for the love and support.
Stay up

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#SanmiSaturdays
© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan