Fiction

You’ve Changed O

I’ve been taking pictures of the sky a lot lately.
Every morning for the past two weeks, I’ve taken pictures of the sky and the sun as I make my way to the gym.
I love pictures of the sun. Sunrises or sunsets. Even random pictures of the sky just warm my heart.
Forget God in the heavens for a sec (never forget God o) but I love the sky because it signals hope.
I remember growing up either staying at my grandparents or at my uncle’s and aunt’s – when I missed my parents or my family, I would just look up into the sky.
Sometimes in the star filled night and rest easy on the promise that the sun always rises in the morning to brighten up the sky.

My heart has been heavy for a few days now – many conflicting workflows battling for the little bit of happy I have left. Like kilode?!
Anyway, my birthday is in a less than a week and I am actually pretty excited this time around. For various reasons but one really important one, I feel seen.
I enjoy me.
I like me.
On most days.
But I also like that I am evolving and rediscovering who I am and who I want to be. I confirmed something I always knew about myself recently.

LOS ANGELES — FOX Sports personality and Pro Football Hall of Famer Shannon Sharpe had to be escorted from the Crypto.com Arena floor Friday night after an altercation with several Memphis Grizzlies players.
The incident happened shortly after the halftime buzzer when Sharpe yelled at Ja Morant after the final possession of the first half. As Morant was walking off the court toward the locker room, he paused and walked in the direction of Sharpe at his courtside seat.
Before Morant could get any closer, teammate Steven Adams stepped in front of him and approached Sharpe.
Other team personnel, including Morant’s father Tee Morant, got involved as Crypto.com security separated the crowd.
“I bet you won’t!” Sharpe yelled at Tee Morant as the two were pulled away from each other.
Sharpe and Tee Morant are both back in their seats for the second half.


Basically Shannon Sharpe got out of character.
A few days later he apologized on his TV show. I happened to catch the apology and it resonated with me.
You can see the full apology here but something he said stood out to me.
He said – “I’m not going to say that wasn’t Shannon Sharpe because it was, it was just me getting out of character”
Whew!
Many times we apologize for our truth. We see our flaws as something that makes us less but it doesn’t.
I love that I am never too big to apologize when I am wrong and if you are my friend, I would almost always seek to fix things first.
It’s important to be responsible for all of yourself, but it’s even more important to place yourself around people and in spaces that bring the best out of you and not the worst.
If you are constantly around someone and you walk away feeling drained – maybe you need to stop being around them.

I like my evolution but sometimes the growth you have experienced will cause you “pain”.
Because you find yourself standing firmly around people you once knew and they are still in the same emotional spaces. The gap your growth afforded you will also have you feeling sad for them and that is hard.
Lastly, I’ll leave you with this – evaluate all areas of your life and be truthful to yourself.
Peel back some of the layers and you’ll see that some people in your life are just placeholders and sometimes you are one too.

You’ve Changed o
“Sanmi just over here mad all the time”
“If this is who you have become after all these years, then I guess I didn’t miss out on much”
“You’re just like all the other guys out there”


First let me start by saying that you should never let anyone’s perception of you become your reality.
For me, what you think or see as being mean or selfish is choosing to no longer be a people pleaser and putting myself first.
I used to live for validation and external acknowledgment, the moment you start putting yourself first, everyone thinks you’ve changed.
I’ll admit that I wish I heard more voices announcing and validating my worth as a young boy.
I simply didn’t.
As an adult, you can affirm those voices yourself or continue to accept instances, spaces and people that validate your lack of self worth.

Those hard relationships?
The ones that make you write long un-replied essays, make your heart race not into the sunshine but to duck and cover? Those are you reaffirming spaces that make you feel less than you actually are.
You should leave.

——

You’ve become an “influencer” – why do we try to clown people for living the lives they want while living the ones we don’t want.
Being up close to an influencer, you realize it’s not easy.
Delivering and inspiring in an industry that is still finding itself, is hard work and I respect people that do it.
I also respect the fact that these people make their living by living out their creativity and truth.
I don’t think I’m an influencer.
I believe I have talents that I feel grateful and privileged to share with the world but never anything beyond that.
If that leads to influence and bag someday, then so be it.

But I am not a fan of the underhanded compliments or slights at what you do.
It actually brought up something for me regarding a “friend” – I realized that after thinking about all my interactions with said person, I don’t think I have heard them give me a straight forward compliment in years.
It’s wild.
They won’t directly engage your content or work but will say things like “na wa you’re big now o”.

Cracks me up because what if I wanted to become an influencer true true.
There is money there o!
Like serious money and you don’t want me to us the talent I already have to chop from there?
Yeah, you definitely hate me.

Live your life. For you.
Enjoy it.
Make that reel.
Post that pic.
Start that page. You may not think it but you are a true influence. Even if its not to the people closest to you.

——

It’s my birthday next week. I have been working on a special post that I cannot wait to share!
Next week’s post will come out on Tuesday (my birthday) and not Wednesday.
Also, some of you have been asking for my birthday wishlist.
If you are a gift giver and you typically get gifts from your friends, I encourage you to make a list during your birthday period.

It cuts out the tedious guesswork of people trying to figure out what you want or need for your birthday.
For someone like me, my birthday wishlists are basically EVERYTHING I need in this time.
No gimmicks.
So if it’s there, I need it and if you didn’t get it for me, I would have had to use my money to get it.
And why do that?

Anyway, for those that asked for my list here it is – https://www.thingstogetme.com/620500a76b96
PS: If you know me personally and you want to get something but not pay the reservation fee – please message me directly. Thank you!

Please comment, retweet and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

WordsOfWednesday

© 2023 #WhatTheHeckMan

One thought on “You’ve Changed O

  1. Ppl sometimes view putting yourself first as “selfish” but it isn’t. It’s putting your “self”- love , self-respect, your needs, desires, integrity first which in whole makes you feel fulfilled but then I do believe some people take putting themselves first as an excuse for negative conduct. It’s crazy when a person justifies being rude or disrespectful as it being self love. Self- love doesn’t hurt others. So the question is how is one manifesting their self love. I have a friend who believes saying or doing whatever she wants is her speaking her truth but the reality is being rude, dismissive etc then translates to a toxic expression of self love. We have to be careful because they are not the same things. Thus, by so doing we push people away, ppl may be meant to be in your space at this season of your life. Then because one doesn’t identify with this human one has become, it’s translated to they are not for you. I leave with this, we should all posses self love, it’s okay to be selfish at times. Our tribe should allow that grace but also it’s necessary for one’s tribe to also let them know when unhealthy behaviors develop. If your actions of self love start hurting those relationships around you, I am sorry that isn’t self love because when the act of self love is done , you feel bad about yourself. If self love doesn’t allow change , it isn’t self love. Everything in life has its good and bad , so does self love. These days some people use self love as an excuse for negative behaviors. The question is what does self love look like to you? How do you approach self love? For me how I practice self love is by becoming a better version of myself, being respectful of others, showing empathy, being considerate. That’s good energy.

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