#WordsofWednesday

“You’re Not My Person”

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How many times do you choose yourself?

This written piece has not yet been edited for grammar and spelling.

Its 11:25pm and I just got in from my big “brothers” wedding. I haven’t even taken my agbada off.
I heated up some food from the wedding and it’s sitting on the bed but I quickly wanted to write this and get my thoughts down.

I really like myself.

Not all the time and frankly, not even most times but I like me I’m becoming.
This week, I prioritized rest.
Today, I forgave myself without the long process of self-degradation and punishment.
I like me.
I like that I’m fallible. I’m coming to terms with it more and more.
Growing up and chasing perfection, I realized that it was impossible to beat myself up more than anyone else could.
I would truly berate myself for some of my actions – yes, because I wanted to hold myself to high standard but again, to what end?
I am more good than bad, as a matter of fact, I’m overwhelming better than I’m not.
So why do I define myself by my scars and not the beauty I am irrespective of them?

I’m also realizing that I appreciate people that love with grace. We all have our lines we draw in the sand and honestly, people are bound to cross them. We are human.
But with the people you love, as long as it is not intentional, I hope you love them with grace even when they may hurt you.
Chastise in love, hold boundaries with grace and find a way to stay true to your internal values.

———

A few months ago, I wrote about going on a trip with my friends and expecting them to call out that I had lost weight.
It didn’t exactly happen but this weekend, everyone could not stop talking about it.
It was an encouraging and firm reminder that when I’m dying in the gym, I’m not crazy and the results are showing.

There are some facts about life: the sun rising, gravity, taxes but the most important one is that Sanmi in a suit?
Chef’s kiss.
I looked soooo goodt this weekend.

The kicker, was I forgot my belt at home. So instead of buying another one, I had to roll up my pants all weekend because the clothes I made two months ago are now too small. Omo. 😩
I was in sifiaaaa pains last week when I took in my suit to get tailored – tailoring $60. Suit that I bought on sale for $69.99.
Problem.

I’ve switched from my green and grown diet a bit – more protein (chicken) and Shirataki noodles are my newfound love.
It’s been great, exciting, and above all – healthy.
I am liking the way I look but am excited for what’s to come.
———-

A few weeks ago, I was at the gym when I noticed a woman helping a young man on the soccer field.
She was holding his hand and talking him around the field – they were chasing a soccer ball.
It took me a few minutes to realize he was blind.
Admittedly, my first thoughts were “wow, he’s so strong to still love the game of football despite his condition” but quickly that changed.
A recent training I had at work helped influence my mind – his situation was not meant to elicit pity from me first.

How many times have people told you “it could have been worse” or “someone out there has it worse than you”?
https://www.ted.com/talks/stella_young_i_m_not_your_inspiration_thank_you_very_much#t-180612
This video changed my perspective on so much – someone’s pain does not need to be your inspiration.
In my mind, it doesn’t come from a place of genuine kindness to see someone in pain and your first thought is “wow, at least I’m better off than they are”
There are biases that always find a way to sneak into our minds. I’m calling out one of mine that I’ve been working on, hopefully, you can too.

———

A little over a week ago, I was returning from the gym and racing to catch a work meeting.
There was a guy trying to turn his car around as I rushed to find a parking spot.
He was blocking me and he was moving soooo slowly!
I was soooo frustrated.
So I honked at him to move out of the way. He moved slowly.
I was cussing under my breath as I went to find parking and as I drove past him, I noticed he had a flat tire on the side of the car that I couldn’t see before.
I felt so small.
I was like “damn, see your whole life outside”
I didn’t find parking there, so I had to drive back around and past him.
As I got close to him, I said – “hey, I am sorry I honked at you. I did not now you had a flat tire”
He smiled and said “yeah, I appreciate that”
I asked if he had someone to help him with changing the tire, he said he had the tools and he would do it himself.
I drove off and I went to park.

It was a humbling lesson for me that morning.
Many times we rush to judge people and we do not know what their flat tire is.
We do not know what they are carrying and nursing.
I felt soooo small but I also felt strong in coming back to apologize.
None of us is beyond correction and if anything, I was proud that I found a way to say sorry.
Be kind(er) today in every space you occupy. Do not be the extra needle in someone’s already flat tire.

Stay Up, Stay Safe & Stay Strong.
I LOVE YOU!

Yours always,

The Wordsmith
Master of Cliffhangers

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WordsOfWednesday

© 2022 #WhatTheHeckMan

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