Some friendships are only for a season, Sometimes they come in during your harvest Others during your drought Some are the shoulder to lean on Some need your shoulder A few are like mortgage contracts Thirty-year fixed Others are shorter than a Netflix show When some end It’s like an Iroko falls in the forest While others end with a soft block and unblock Then you change your Netflix password And forget they ever existed
The fear of loneliness is what makes it hard for some of us to audit our friendships because the truth is after some of those reviews, you’ll realize you were already alone. That you had grown apart while standing next to each other. Amazing to see that the pandemic of the last two years has brought many closer and some others completely dropped out of the picture. When was the last time you audited your friendships? Auditing also means reviewing your own performance and input in that space – are you worthy to still be called their friend?
Over the last few days, I have been thinking about the concept of “shelf life” and the spaces we occupy. Think of it like this – remember that vase your mom or dad had on the shelf. All your childhood, it was just there, in some African or Latino homes, it may even have been the place they hid emergency monies or keys. Notice how it was there for years and despite not moving much, it always served a purpose? Those are your riders, they may change color, grow old but they are there and impactful. Others are like the flowers in the vase – pretty for a while but ultimately, they “die and fade” and you hardly remember them beyond the short excitement they provided in the time they were there.
Auditing my friendships over the last few weeks, the following random thoughts jumped out to me
Stagnation is scary. Not really the stagnation of you life but truly looking at the core of a man or woman. Money doesn’t buy swag. Houses and cars don’t hide insecurities. And truth be told, sometimes the wealth you acquire to cover the manhole of inadequacies, only makes those flaws more glaring and sad when they rear their heads. I realized quickly that I am very afraid of seeing my friends stagnant, emotionally to be precise. How are you still having the same types of fights or outbursts as you did when you were 21? Where is your evolution? Do not be stagnant. You may have more money in the bank, and more rings on your hands but has the child in you grown? Found peace? Start within.
Am I the drama?
If you are the one constant when drama arises in a group, maybe, just maybe you should stay closer to your therapist and be more diligent in your self-improvement work. The tweet above sums it up. At some point for your friendships and relationships to blossom, you need to find a way to self-reflect and introspect. Are you the drama? Are you the one people need to tiptoe around? Have you gotten those mood swings in check? Do you drift in and out of being present? Are you still unable to see the group but only yourself? Hmmm.
When did we become our parents?
I noticed a few months ago that I was the person that would be wronged by someone and not really feel the need to defend myself. Happened a lot. People would say or do things that were false and I would always rely on “God knows best and my truth is mine” I recently realized where that came from. A few years ago, there was someone in my church that was going around telling lies about my dad – the Pastor. It was causing so much pain to me because all I wanted to do was defend him but he always told me to let it go. For months, it raged on till the person left the church and went to another church. Still smearing his name.
A few months later, I came back home late in the evening, it must have been around 11pm. When I pulled up, there were cars I recognized around the house. Walking in, I noticed a group of people in the second living room. They did not see me, nor did I want them to but I did peek in. Guess what I saw? That same woman and her husband were on their knees begging my dad. She apologized for lying against him and such. And my dad in typical fashion, he forgave. My mother was furious! But my dad has always been big on forgiveness. And so am I, the only difference is that I am not one to forget, you will not do it to me twice. IT just got me thinking, when did I become my dad? I am super particular like him, I dress serious like him, and I emotionally approach things and conflict like him. Damn, I truly am that man’s son. Sorry, Maury.
Are you like your parents or guardians in any way? And when did you realize that you had become like them? Let me know in the comments below!
It’s been a tradition for many years that on my visits to Lagos, I get incredibly inspired to create new content. Whether that is writing or pictures or even business ideas, something always pops up. The struggle always comes around taking the time to actually write or share the content created – something I hope to improve on in 2022.
But last night, I slept early. In my hotel room alone, after missing dinner plans, I ordered in some Afang (not a fan) and Eba. Because I need to watch something while I eat, I watched Zootopia. Don’t question me! I love my kid/animation movies. Shortly after, I knocked out and I woke up about an hour ago. 6:56am. I have plans today that I am very excited for but for now, I wanted to put down a few thoughts swirling in my head. 2022 is young but it already promises so much, so here are a few thoughts.
If you are like me, there are certain things that have been on your resolutions list for a few years. You keep watching it and moving it from year to year like a depreciating asset on your balance sheet. Look, life is hard. Mr Eazi lied. But one thing I have always lived by is that regret is much worse than failure. Think about the things you regret, not saying “I love you” to someone or seeing your favorite actor and not asking for a picture. Those linger longer and cut deeper than the time you burnt a recipe you tried for the first time or when you got a low mark on a test. The key here is that you tried. Me, in certain areas of my life, I am never afraid to try but in others, I hesitate.
I ask us this year to just do it. Execute on it. You really won’t “fail” because you’ll be learning from each instance. Do it now, so you can look back months from now and see progress and learnings. Not regret for never starting.
Stop Breaking Your Own Heart
Stop waiting on that apology. Stop expecting that person to treat you better. Stop overstating your importance in the lives of those around you.
Most of my heartbreak in recent times has been from over-extending my heart into areas where it had previously been scarred. For a long time, there was a person that I wanted our relationship to work so badly. The biggest stumbling block, they are the friend that never apologizes first or sees they’re wrong unless they’re completely backed against the wall. Believe it or not, there were nights I would cry because I just wished they would do better. The final nail in the coffin, they tried to gaslight me. This person said to me that they believed how I responded to them upset them and they couldn’t explain it. Plus they assumed some of my tweets were directed at them. On said day, I was working and very busy. So obviously replying the message was not a priority. Don’t get me wrong – I was fully aware that them not getting a prompt reply was a trigger for them but what happens when I am not even looking at my phone or focusing on that at all? Or when MY own world is busy. Anyways, the friendship fizzled out and I have no intentions of being the one to rekindle it because I am tired of breaking my own heart. IF all the time passes and they are not self-aware or reflective enough to realize where they messed up and own the situation, why should I keep hurting myself?
This year – say no to things or situations that keep traumatizing you and stop breaking your own heart.
You do not have a monopoly on someone else’s happiness
Less Ego, More Love – nothing related to Wizkid or Burna or Davido or Shatta “He needs a psych eval” Wale. Oftentimes, we believe that because of what we experience with certain people, their future happiness should be tied to how they made us feel. Sorry but that can’t work. Never. A previous ting of mine got engaged recently and it was beautiful to see. Truth be told, I knew it would happen someday – aside from our relationship she was a good person. But a part of me always felt slighted that she wasn’t this great version of herself while with me. Self-reflection will tell you that I probably had a part to play in that but I still felt a way.
In 2022 and beyond – please remember, you do not own people or have any influence on their short or long-term happiness. Focus on making you the greatest version of yourself and leave the rest for the universe to sort out.
If you are like me, you have been through quite a bit. It’s normal. We’ve seen things and felt things. Been hurt, hurt people and seen ourselves evolve. One thing about people is that we wear our trauma like tattoos gotten in dark alleys and reminders on our hearts like passport stamps but we fail to sit in our happy moments as if the showers of joy come with hailstones.
Much of the trauma and hurt you have faced have you cautious, closed-off, defensive, reclusive, overextending, overcompensating, unable to accept compliments or love, and so on. It’s normal and perfectly okay but this year, look into the mirror like Issa and forgive yourself. For the parts, you played and for the things you did or said, then forgive yourself and move on.
You deserve light and fluffy love like perfect pancakes. You deserve smiles that light up the room. You deserve the best YOU.
So go after that person in 2022 and truly be the best of you. The world will be better for it.
It’s barely 4pm and I just had my first meal of the day. Well if you count my smoothie, then I guess second. But my smoothie was three scoops of protein powder and half a cup of Almond milk. I’m deep in the trenches.
It’s been 3weeks since I started my Green and Grown diet (basically eating only veggies and things growing out of the ground with chicken and turkey for protein). It has been an interesting road so far. And I figured I would share some updates on how things are going. So here are some of the lessons I have learned in my 21days of changing my diet and my life
Lesson 1: Ignore the scale and the mirror for a while
You know how you, yes YOU will go to the gym once and the next morning you’re looking for the abs or the fatter ass? Yeahhhh same concept. I struggle a lot with this because on most days, I would wake up and check myself in the mirror. Mostly because I would always observe my body and make sure everything was still in place and still working. You know 30+ vibes
But there have been many days where I look at myself and because I don’t see the full sculpted version I have been working on, I briefly get discouraged. Thankfully I ultimately push through but I can’t help but notice that I struggle with it. This past weekend, I was at a birthday dinner for one of my really good friends and someone hugged me – touching my torso, they said “oh wow, your work is really showing. I be seeing you go off on IG but you’re killing it” The next day, I had another event and people again complimented my progress, despite the fact that I was wearing a sweater that hid most of my body.
There is progress – someone asked me recently after complimenting “how much weight have you lost?” I honestly don’t know and I don’t want to know. I have found that the scale has been one of the places where my joy had been stolen. So no I do not want to know. I would rather continue working on myself till I see visible changes that I want like I sleep better, not be short of breath when I run upstairs or I can go longer – hehehe if you know what I mean. So my lesson for you as well in this time, ignore the scale and the mirror – keep pushing and one day you will look up and love the way you look. I guarantee it – props to you if you got that Men’s Wearhouse reference!
Lesson 2: Love on yourself more than you want others to
Positive talk – remind yourself that you are a work in progress and frankly you are doing the work. For me, I decided that this year and this stretch would be when I change my body for the rest of my life and that means a lot to me. For who I Want to be – for my wife, my kids, my future.
I am trying to be kind to myself in any way possible because like I said, I am doing the work. I realized that my discipline is the biggest gain I can ever get – when it’s all said and done, it won’t be how many pounds lost, it will be how much I’ve proven to myself that I would never give up. And that is love. Never giving up on someone or something.
So spend time telling yourself you are awesome and you are great. Remind yourself that you will achieve all that you want to achieve.
Lesson 3: Celebrate the small wins
Last week on one of those days that didn’t feel so great at the gym, I felt annoyed. I was starting to lose faith in the work I was putting in. But from somewhere I got the nugget (oh how I miss those!) to focus on the small wins. That for me looks like in the last 9 days I have typically eaten dinner before 6pm. Some days are even closer to 4pm.
Yes. I would eat a decent-sized meal (really small – sample picture below) and just drink water later at night when I get hungry. There was a day last week when I REALLY wanted to drink Garri with Peppered Turkey but it was 10pm. I almost gave in but I forced myself to say no. I drank some water, and some green tea and I went to bed. The next morning, I had a smoothie for brunch and forgot about the night before.
I am cherishing my small wins. The compliments I have been getting from people about looking smaller and my face shrinking. Someone even told me my head was getting smaller. I NEVER knew that was possible.
I urge you to celebrate your small wins AND the big ones too. What are you currently working on that you can point to as some small wins? Please share them in the comments.
I hope you have a fantastic rest of the week and as always, please share and comment.
Written 4/5/2022 after eating the last batch of beans and chicken for dinner before a call with the Nifty Nine.
Everything was in slow motion. It was as if we moved through the scenes in the movie Inception. My mouth went dry. My heart was racing. My eyes began to water as my palms got sweaty. I was angry, very angry. Lost in my head trying to make sense of this but I couldn’t believe what I was staring at. My father’s coffin in his home? How? I was still trying to process when I heard a sharp wail from my left hand side.
My mother dropped to her knees as she was crying uncontrollably. “Ta ni mo se” “Who did I offend?”
She continued to repeat as the twins tried to console her. Inconsolable as you can imagine. My older sister snapped into action and she said
“Dejo, how did this get here?”
Genuinely confused and fearfully of being blamed, Dejo began to shake as he responded.
“Madam, I swear to you, I no know”
“You don’t know?”
She followed. Dejo tried his best to explain.
“Madam, I dey that side dey wash the cars when I hear wetin be like truck for outside. I just think sey na delivery people dem dey drop something. Na when I finish come open gate, na him I see am”
As he wrapped up a small gathering of neighbors was forming. I could see everything playing out but it was like I was and just watching everything play out and I was still.
“Oya, help us bring it inside the gate and close the gate before the whole estate knows what is happening”
My sister instructed. Dejo, the drivers of the lawyer and my brother were joined by a few other men from the neighborhood. The coffin was lifted into the compound and the gate closed. My sister said
“Do we know if the body in there?”
No one answered. No one was certain. Then she said
“Open it up”
She said. My mother who was still on the floor crying suddenly sprung up and said
“Don’t you dare!”
Huffing and puffing, she looked enraged and possessed. She said
“That our family name has been dragged through the mud is not enough? You want to dishonor the memory of your father? NO WAY! That coffin stays closed and you all go about figuring out who in the hell would do such a despicable thing”
She turned around and began walking inside when I snapped out of the trance and I headed for Ivie and Kunle. They were standing apart as you can probably imagine that the things he heard inside had rocked his world a bit.
“You did this”
I said to Ivie with conviction. I could tell she was scared.
“You fucking did this with your diabolical ass. You did this shit like you planned all this other shit”
She froze. I yelled
Kunle stepped in and put his hand across my chest I turned and looked directly at him
“Kunle if you do not remove your hand from my body, I swear to God who made this earth, I will fucking pound in your face till you bleed to death. Get the fuck out of my way”
He stepped back but not too far, he seemed a bit concerned about what I could do to Ivie.
“Ivie, tell us how you are months away from a wedding with me but carrying my brother’s child. Tell us how you planned with Adesuwa to get me killed and then killed her yourself? Or just tell us why you dug up our father’s coffin and brought it into our home? Start anywhere”
Kehinde sprung and said
“Ivie is that true? Please tell us it’s not true”
Ivie in tears, said
“I had nothing to do with this”
Pointing to the coffin laying in front of us all.
“And the other things?”
I asked. She said
“I can explain honestly”
Sobbing she began to explain.
“I am sorry for lying to you Tomiwa, I really am. You did not deserve this. I was misled but my father…”
My mother jumped in
“I was instructed to get information on Tomiwa and the family by my father. I would often listen to business conversations with Tomiwa and funnel the information to my father. He told me to marry Tomiwa and that Chief Fehintola and he had come to an agreement to merge our families. But I was also told to not have sex with Tomiwa. Under any circumstances. The plan was to marry Tomiwa and ultimately get as much money from the family. Kunle and I met before I was introduced to Tomiwa. The day we met at your family Christmas party a few years back, I actually came with Kunle. We even had sex upstairs in the twins room while everyone was downstairs because it was the only free room. Kunle and I had been seeing each other. He knew nothing about the rest of the plan. And initially, all I wanted was Kunle. But once I knew I could choose to not sleep with Tomiwa and continue having Kunle, I was fine with that. I made peace with it. I would have the man I wanted.”
Teary eyed and flushed with tears, she rubbed her belly and said
“Kunle, your son or daughter is inside of me and I love you. And I will love this child with all of my heart. I completely understand if after all I have done, you no longer want to be involved in our lives but I love you and I will love this child”
Kunle looked down and away. Clearly the words got to him but he was conflicted and then he said
“Did you try to get my brother killed?”
Ivie sobbed harder and looked away.
“Yes. Yes, I did My dad told me I had to. Something had come out that would affect our plans and frankly, it seemed like a better deal to go that route and we could have just married without issues”
I was shocked.
“You wanted me out of the way. So you decided the best way was to kill me? When you could have just asked me to leave? When you knew it was Adesuwa that I wanted to marry and she was the woman I loved??? You are evil”
I was fuming. Kunle asked
“How can I be sure the baby is mine, with all these lies?”
Those words broke her. I could tell. She sobbed harder and said
“Kunle, I have never been with any man but you from day one. Only you”
He shook his head and turned away and I spoke.
“You had everything. A family that loves you, the big wedding you wanted, the houses, cars, trips around the world. All of it. Yet you wanted me dead, as if my family had not been through enough…”
There was a honk at the gate. All our eyes immediately shifted, who was it?
The gate swung open and a black tinted Mercedes AMG drove in. The driver rushed out and ran around the car to open to the owner’s corner. Out came a man that I was familiar with. A friend of the family and someone I had watched my father spend time with as we grew up. He was someone you could consider a true pillar of our family. Chief Akpo. Ivie’s father.
As he stepped out of the car, I had every intention of jumping him. But I had to contain my rage. He smiled big as he fixed his Agbada and he said
“I know you have many questions. Let us all go inside and we can clear things up”
We all sat down in the living room. Chief glee as ever while the glum faces of all of us waited to find out what was going on. Chief spoke first.
“I had hoped we would not get to this point but in life, some things just need to be done. That is the truth”
He smiled as he continued speaking
“Before all of you came about, way back in the day, Chief approached me with a proposition. He wanted me to father all of you. I agreed out of love for the man and I wanted to make sure that he had the joy of being a father too. But then, midway through the testing process, the Chief told me that he went with someone else. He never said who for years. And I could not prove who it was. I knew that if the DNA was run, it would show Chief was not the father but as far as showing who actually was, I was sure that we wouldn’t really get that luxury. Chief asked me to join the board as one of his closest friends and when we knew international investors were coming. I agreed but this time, because I did not trust his word, I demanded security. I got him to commit in writing that my daughter if I had one, would marry his son. And as you can see, God gave us what we wanted. The deal was done. Then you…”
He pointed at me and frowned a bit
“…You started making noise about not wanting my beautiful daughter. Something about wanting to marry who you loved. Well who you loved gave you up pretty easily to protect her parents. I bought out Adesuwa’s parents and simply threatened to run them into the ground. It was difficult but eventually we were able to convince her to take you out of the picture.”
I was stunned. The whole room was dead silent.
“This was simple. If the Chief held his end of the bargain, I got a couple of legitimate grandchildren in one of the wealthiest families and life would go on smoothly. When you started your drama, I approached Chief and reminded him that I knew his secret and it could be damaging if word got out. At first he appeared to listen and then he did not. I had to take matters into my own hands. I had my team working tirelessly to get the information I needed to make a move on him at the board level and take over the company. But before I could put my plan in action, he passed away. Around that same time, he told me that he was going to tell you all the truth after his trip. I guess he never made it to that. I knew that Chief was the type to not be blackmailed, so I sensed that he may have included the true identity of your fathers in the will. Well, everyone except you.”
He pointed at me again. Everyone sat up. My mother who had now stopped crying looked on inquisitively as he spoke.
“What do you mean?”
He leaned forward in his chair and said
“Everyone knows that Kunle is not yours. No surprise. But Tomiwa is the one legitimate child of you and Chief.”
The entire room gasped. The lawyer looked away.
Chief smiled and said
“Lawyer Williams knew. Chief knew. On our trip he told us about how his health was deteriorating and he might need a marrow transplant or something of the sort. Tomiwa, remember the set of tests you went to do with your father? I was able to acquire those from the hospital. It was in those results I found out that you were his only legitimate child. The results of the others showed what we already knew. Again, I planned to release the information for the takeover but your father elected to die before the news could get out.
He stood up. Flashed a fake smile at most of the room as he smoothed out his clothes. He said
“Look, I have no ill towards Chief nor will I speak ill of the dead but he chose to try and outsmart me instead of keeping his end of the agreement we had many years ago. For that, he will not rest. Digging up his coffin is only the start…”
Enraged I snapped up and yelled
“Say another word about my father and I will finish you here”
Lawyer Williams quickly jumped up and put his hand across my chest to stop me. Chief Akpo chuckled mischievously and said
“Now wouldn’t that be so beautiful? To see our new CEO beating up a board member. I dare you to do it, do it, so I can bury this family once and for all. It’s admirable to see you have the fight chief had in him though, maybe that’s why his swimmers were able to conquer out of the many failures. He chuckled”
He smiled mischievously and waved his finger in the direction of his daughter and said
“Ivie, let’s go”
She sheepishly got up, sobbing profusely and followed him out of the room. As the door shut. My mother looked at Lawyer Williams and said
He leaned back in the seat, almost tired and replied
“Yes but the Chief wanted to confirm. And you know I was bound by confidentiality laws”
She looked back at my siblings and said
“We are not letting any of those Bastards take what your father built.”
And she stormed out of the room.
My father was re-buried and about 6months had passed by. The vote for reorganizing the board and the company was coming up fast. Most of the family had settled into their routines. Life in our new normal was going along. My siblings returned to their various homes and lives while I prepared to officially take over for my dad. My days were strictly guarded by the security team. My mother and I were basically in an enforced lockdown. Kunle had been mostly ostracized by the family but his impact was still being felt. We simply were not the same family.
Two nights before the vote, I called Kunle and told him to meet with me the following night. He asked me where and I called him to give him the address. It was a property a friend of ours was developing. I told him I wanted a fresh set of eyes on the property as I was considering buying it.
I was standing in the middle of the uncompleted building as night covered Ibeju-Lekki. The building was huge and was clearly going to make a very nice home once completed. I heard a car pull into the lot and footsteps get closer.
Kunle called out
“T, you in here?”
“Yeah, just come through the front opening here”
He walked up to me and I greeted him.
“How are you holding up bro?”
I asked him.
“I guess you can say I’ve had better days”
I shook my head and said
“I totally understand bro. Hopefully things settle soon. So I wanted you to see this place because I was thinking of buying it and using it for corporate housing for visiting executives. We fully operate the space with cleaning crews, a maid, a driver and the full home experience. It saves us the millions we spend on hotels putting them up in expensive hotels when they come to town. What do you think?”
He nodded as we walked up the stairs to the second level
“Yeah this is really nice. And we can truly curate the type of experience they have when they are here. I love the idea. Maybe we get that interior design firm to design it for…”
He paused. We both looked at each other. There was a sound. It came from the first floor. I looked at him and asked
“Did you come here with someone?”
He nodded and said
“Yeah, Ivie is in the car. We are coming back from dinner”
He called out
We both headed back downstairs. As we hit the landing area, I greeted her
“Hi Ivie, long time. How are you?”
“Fine, thank you”
“And the baby?”
“She’s doing well too”
“That’s really good”
Bang. Bang. Bang.
White noise. I could hear a loud ringing in my ears. The shock hit me like I was drowning. I felt my back hit the floor hard. Staring up at the uncompleted ceiling and gasping for air, the pain coursed through my body. I was sure I was going to die. The pain was in my lower abdomen. I placed my hand on the source of the pain and I could feel my hand wet. I was bleeding. Gasping for air, I was praying that I didn’t die and I was trying to pray but the words weren’t coming. Then a familiar voice came through. I felt someone squat next to me and say
“Breathe baby. You are going to live”
I turned my head to my right side and through the darkness, I made out her face. She smiled at me and said
“The police will be here soon and an ambulance. You will be fine”
I closed my eyes and the next time I would open them, I was in the hospital. It was also there I found out that Tunde and Ivie were dead.
It was a bright and sweltering day. The skies were clear. It felt like one of those good days for a perfect hike or lemonade on your backyard porch. The day was mostly perfect. With a gentle breeze occasionally reminding you to enjoy life. You could imagine yourself in any tropical location and it would make sense. It was the type of day for your skin and self care routine without doing much. The summer was announcing itself in style. The bell rang and the space flooded.
Stepping out, I opened the door with my right hand. They hopped in. Sitting back down in the driver’s seat and starting the car, my friend asked
“Oya finish now. Who shot them?”
I smiled and said
“Let’s just say, mother’s know everything”
“I knew it! I knew it!”
“How did she know where you were???”
I smiled and replied
“She followed me”
He exclaimed again
“Do you know if she pulled the trigger herself?”
I shook my head and said
“Fam, I don’t know and in many ways, I am grateful I don’t know anything about that night. I am just grateful for my family and continuing to grow the family business from here”
I pulled out of the school parking lot as another car sped past me almost hitting my car. I yelled out
My twin boys in the backseat both yelled out
I looked at my friend and then at the kids in the back and said
“Sorry kids. Bad habits”
We all chuckled as I turned onto the highway and drove right into Los Angeles traffic. The cars were backed up for miles. Traffic was notorious and ever present, not like the “forgotten” events in another overcrowded metropolis thousands of miles away. My friend visiting from Belgium said
“What The Heck Man, is this always how bad traffic is in LA?”
I nodded and said
He looked over to me and said
“But I bet you are glad you are far away from all that drama huh?”
Feeling the twinge from the nerve damage in my abdomen from the gunshot would I suffered that night, I looked out the window and then into the rearview mirror at my kids on their iPads and I replied
“Every. Single. Day bro Every. Single. Day”
End of the Bastards series. Please like this story, leave a comment below, and share social media!
In. Out. In. Out. In. Wow. I couldn’t see the light. Was I even supposed to see the light being that I died in sin? Has anyone figured out how that whole thing works? I obviously had not. The room was dark and everything was moving slow. I was trying to figure out what was going to happen next. Slowly opening my eyes trying to see what just happened… As I opened my eyes I looked around my body to make sure that I had not been shot. I couldn’t find any bullet wounds, so I looked over to where Adesuwa was standing. Slammed to the floor with a gun in her hand. I looked over to the door of the room and that is where I saw her standing with a gun in her hand. I was shocked. After all, she wasn’t supposed to be here till tomorrow. “How did you get here so fast?”, I thought.
“Ivie, what the fuck? What are you doing here?”
I said as I got off the bed. I slowly got up and walked over to her. As I approached, she lowered the weapon. None of it made sense. Shaking to my bones, I slowly approached Ivie.
“Ivie, let me explain.”
I opened with. I was trying to calm her down and not let her shoot me because I was cheating on her. As I approached her, I knelt down and pleaded.
“Ivie, I am sorry.”
She didn’t even look at me. Her eyes were fixed on Adesuwa’s lifeless body on the ground. A whole minute that felt like an eternity must have passed, but she eventually handed the gun to me. I took it in my hand and stood up. As I backed away from her, she said,
“We need to get rid of the body.”
My eyes grew big and I couldn’t understand why. I asked.
It was as if then she finally snapped out of a trance and she said,
“Your mistress is dead on your bedroom floor and you’re asking me why?”
“But I didn’t shoot her.”
I replied. Cold and firm, she walked over to me and said,
“Your prints are all over that gun in your hand, your semen is probably inside of her and your soon to be wife was about to walk in on you two, what do you think they would believe Tomiwa?”
I stared at the gun in my hand and then at Adesuwa’s body. Fuck! She was right.
She helped me put the body in the carpet from the living room on the second floor; we hauled the body down and outside the house. As I lifted the body into my trunk, she asked me,
“Are you going to dump it in the water?”
I shook my head and said,
“No, the body could float. I have to find an incinerator or dump it on the way to Lagos.”
She didn’t argue. I ran back into the house and got all of her things. I vividly remember putting her cellphone in my pocket. As I got into the car, I asked Ivie,
“Are you coming with me?”
She sharply said
Then she continued and said,
“I have to drive my car to Lagos. Obviously cannot leave it here. I’ll meet you at the house in Lagos”
The drive to Lagos felt like the longest in my life. I kept trying to drive fast but I was worried that if I drove too fast it would raise suspicion.
Mowe-Ibafo, Berger, and I was making my way to Oshodi. Sweating profusely, my throat was dry. I was just trying to get to the incinerator at my friend’s waste management company. It was already midday as I pulled into the parking lot, I hadn’t called him ahead of time. How would I have explained needing a professional torching chamber?
As I parked, one of the employees came up to me just as I was stepping out of the car. She curtsied as she came closer.
“Good afternoon sir.”
“Good afternoon, is your oga around?”
I asked her in response.
She replied with some disappointment.
“Will he be in today?”
I asked. She shook her her head and said,
“I don’t think so sir. Today and tomorrow, we are doing maintenance around the whole facility. So I don’t think anybody from the office side will be here. Till Thursday sir.
Do you need me to call him sir?”
I raised my hand to discourage her against that.
“No need my dear.”
I got back into the car and started it as I tried to drive off. I was turned around, trying to back out of the parking spot when I heard a light tap on the window. I turned back to my left and she was standing there. As I wound down, she said,
“Oga, it’s like blood is dripping on the floor from your boot (trunk).”
I smiled and said,
“Oh, don’t worry about it, mo se se tan lodo awon eleran ni.” “Don’t worry about it, I just left the meat sellers/meat packing.”
“Oh okay, sir. Ke ni nice day” “Have a nice day.”
As I drove out of the facility, I started to panic. The body in the trunk was dripping and it was the high of the afternoon. That meant I had to keep the body in there till night came before disposing of it. Fuck.
As I pulled up to my house, I was trying to get in and park the car without anyone noticing me. Audu, my gateman, opened up the gate and I immediately sent him on an errand that required him to leave the house. Nkechi, the maid, was more than likely inside, preparing dinner. I quickly parked the car and I was walking to the gate when I heard sirens and the police swarmed my compound. Immediately, I was reprimanded, handcuffed and thrown in the back of a police car.
The head arresting officer marched into the compound, walked to my car, stopped and then walked back to the car I was in . He opened the door and said,
“Where are the car keys?”
“In my pocket.”
I replied. He reached into my pocket and pulled it out.
“Take him to the station.”
He said as he closed the door. And within seconds, the car was leaving. All I could think of was WhatTheHeckMan.
Sanmi here popping in to say hi! If you’re new to WhatTheHeckMan, welcome! I am not sorry for the cliffhangers and the suspense but I am thrilled to have you here. I hope you enjoy my stories – most of which I create in my head. My #WordsOfWednesday pieces are unfiltered and the purest me. Thank you for reading all of it. Please, if you are reading this, let me know how you feel about the story. Don’t assume that I don’t see it or that other people are doing it, so you don’t need to. Your support is EVERYTHING.
Missed the last series? Start here! Scar Tissue Now back to Bastards 2! Brace yourself. 😎
Sitting in that dark and cold cell, I kept thinking about how I got there. How did they know the body was in the car? I had only left Ibadan a few hours before. Did the girl from my friend’s business call him and he called the police? How did the police know where to go immediately? No fuss, no “detective” work, they just knew.
For the longest time, it never even crossed my mind that the person that helped me put the body in the trunk, may have snitched on me. It felt like an eternity sitting there trying to piece together what had happened. It had been an incredible 36 hours. No one ever thinks that you would find out that your beloved father was not your father, your childhood love would die in front of you and you would be arrested for murder, all before another moon.
There was a man wailing in the cell next to me. I could tell that he had been beaten and he was crying out for his family – essentially saying that he didn’t do whatever he was arrested for and he couldn’t breathe in that tight cell. I was thinking about what I would say. What would happen officially? Would people at the company start looking at my siblings and I differently? A wedding was in the works, but I was about to be outed as a cheat. And what would Ivie think of me? What was she thinking of me? Did she make it to Lagos safely? Did she know that I was taken? Did she know I was taken by the police and not robbed or kidnapped?
I wasn’t sure what time it was but I was starting to get sleepy. It was a weird feeling because my heart was racing like crazy but my body was tired. I started crying. As quietly as possible, all of the tears and sobs I tried to contain in the dark cell started to seep out. My asthma was starting to act up and I was begging my body to behave but my heart was shattering. It felt like my chest was closing in on my heart. I stopped crying and began trying to control my breaths. Slowly, in and out. In. Out. In. Out. I closed my eyes and tried to wiggle my toes – a grounding technique I learned back in college. As I was starting to calm down, an officer came to the cell door and shook the bars while saying,
I opened my eyes and sprung up.
“Yes, that’s me.”
“Your people dey here to see you.”
I asked to clarify.
“You no hear wetin I just talk?”
He replied rudely as he opened up the cell door. I quickly rose and headed out of the cell. The hallway was dark and tight but I just followed him towards the end of the hallway.
As I came into the waiting area, I noticed my mother, our family lawyer and the DPO (Divisional Police Officer) They appeared to have been in conversation before I appeared. As soon as my mother saw me, you could see the relief on her face.
“Oko mi, are you alright?”
She asked concernedly while throwing her arms around me. I nodded while fighting back those tears I was just shedding. I knew I would leave there deep down, but with Nigerian police, what can you really trust or guarantee?
My mother and I walked out of the police station and towards the car as she rubbed my back. We got into the car and waited as the lawyer spoke to the police. I sat behind the driver and my mother sat next to me. She asked again,
“Are you okay?”
I nodded again and said,
A few seconds after, the lawyer got into the passenger seat. The driver started the car and we drove out of the station. As we got onto the main road, the lawyer turned around and said,
“Tomiwa, I have to ask you a few questions. I know the last few hours have been hard but I need to know so we can start working.”
“Did you shoot that young woman?”
He asked. I shook my head and said,
“Did you have any intentions of killing her or having her killed?”
I shook my head again and said,
“Absolutely not. I loved her.”
My mother looked at me when those words left my mouth. She knew I did. Everyone knew I did. But it was not what my father wanted, so it never happened. It appeared that having his own children was the only thing my father didn’t have his own way.
The lawyer asked next,
“Do you have the gun or know where it is?”
“Yes, I do. It’s in the locked glove compartment of my car.”
My mother said,
“We are going to stop by my house first before we take you to yours.”
I wasn’t sure why but I replied.
A few seconds of silence and then I thought to ask,
“How did you even know where I was?”
“Tobe came back and noticed the gate was open and your car abandoned. He watched the CCTV recording and contacted me. I called around and located where you were being held. Mr. Williams and I drove down from Ibadan to get you.”
She explained. That damn CCTV finally came to use. And then it clicked. I had the same system installed in my Ibadan home. Hell, my father had us install security systems everywhere. That meant I could prove that Ivie came in when she did and murdered Adesuwa.
In a weird sequence of events, I felt quick relief and then sadness at realizing that Adesuwa was still gone. I asked my mother,
“Where is her body?”
“Don’t worry about that son. Her family has been notified and we have explained that more details will follow as the investigation develops. Like I said, it’s being handled.”
She replied with calm and confidence. I had only ever seen my mother like this once in my life – when my father had knee surgery and she had to run the business for a few months. She didn’t always flex this side of her but I always knew there was a cold blooded schemer in her. I knew there was more command, especially with the news about my father not being my father. But I was willing to wait to learn those truths.
“Tomiwa, I am sorry about Adesuwa. I am well aware that you loved her and wished you could marry her but as you will continue to find out, in life, we do not always get what we want or deserve. You will have your time to mourn her loss, but for now, I need you to be strong because we are about to be at war.”
She trailed on and I interrupted,
She looked at me and echoed,
“War. Yes, a full blown war against some bastards trying to ruin us. So brace yourself. You and your sisters need to be at full attention and stay vigilant.”
She paused and said,
“Does Ivie know about Adesuwa?”
I nodded. She sighed and said,
“Hmmm. How is she handling that with the baby?”
She tilted her head to the left as she looked at me.
“Baby? What baby?”
My mom pulled down her glasses.
“You weren’t planning on telling me that Ivie was pregnant?”
She asked almost in betrayal.
I was shocked.
“Ivie and I have never had sex. Never.”
I explained to her.
“You and Ivie have never been intimate? In all these yearsssss???”
“Yes mother. She always told me that she was waiting for marriage. And I agreed because frankly I didn’t love her anyways so having sex with her was not something that I particularly wanted.”
My mom stared straight ahead with her right hand on her chin and muttered,
“You didn’t know?”
I then asked.
“How did you know?”
“Ivie came by the house early this morning in Ibadan and told me herself. I was wondering where you were but she said you rushed to Lagos. It made no sense to me but I just assumed she was eager to share with me as she missed the funeral and all. You know…to give me good news in these dark times.”
I laughed and said.
“Ivie came to you this morning?”
I continued. She replied,
I laughed and shook my head before planting them in my hands. My head was spinning. I was out of my depth and completely confused. This woman was cheating on me as I was cheating on her but why would she try to pass off the child as mine?
My mother asked,
“So if the child is not yours and you didn’t know, then who is the father?”
Mr Williams in the front of the car responded without looking back,
“It’s his brother’s.”
I raised my head out of my hands as my mother and I screamed,
End of Part 2. I know you want part 3 ASAP but to get it, you have to comment! Go ahead and dropit below! Share with your friends and family to get us to 20!
About a month ago, I stumbled on this song. I won’t even lie to you, my first reaction was slight jealousy of how beautiful his voice was.
The lyrics of the song speak so distinctly to my life. As I write this on the ferry home from work, I had to give in to the tears.
A couple of Sundays ago, I was at church. It was offering time and as we walked up to give our offering, I noticed that I was giving a denomination much higher than I was used to. Not only that, it was now a norm for me. I asked myself, when did your offering change?
I grew up listening to pastors that preached giving. They would tell you that you had to give where it hurts and you could feel it. This space felt weird to me. Not because I was giving a crazy amount but because I had enough. More than enough.
For many, the barometer of how great God is usually gauged by financial success or wealth. And while it is not the only measurement I use, it sure is a telling one in today’s society. Being able to “financially” do more in God’s household is such a blessing.
I am grateful for my offering changing. I remembered the days where I would pray that God accepted my $1 and now I can give 10 times that without feeling like I wouldn’t see the next week. He listens. But you cannot stop giving once he gives you. That is what makes the blessings flow, even more, continuing to make God proud so he continues to give you more.
Referencing times that I didn’t have enough or realizing that my offering has changed, is a reminder that God is too faithful to fail me. At various points, I put my trust in him and when I didn’t have enough at MY time, I questioned him. I remember one year that a Pastor asked us to sow a seed at the beginning of the year. I dropped $250 for me and another $250 on behalf of my siblings. Later that year, I was out of a job. Shocked and sad, I wasn’t sure how to begin or where to begin. I kept saying “you asked me to trust you” and this happened? And then I realize something, as I tag off the ferry, there is so much I have been able to do out of this “not having enough” that reminds me that God is too faithful to fail me.
_______________________ UPDATE: It’s amazing that I wrote the piece above the line between February and March. At the end of March, I lost my job due to the effects of COVID19. Part of my offering changing and God’s faithfulness is how I have been able to stay afloat through all of this. It has been truly amazing how God has shown himself and a firm reminder that he has bigger plans for us. I wrote that without knowing a pandemic would take away my source of income and overall happiness. But God has been working hard on me as a man to not place my worth and belief in material things. God is too faithful to fail me. Also if you have not read my just-concluded series “Scar Tissue”. You can read part 4 here. ________________________
What does your growth look like to you? What are those blessings that still shock you? How is your offering different now from what it used to be? Leave your answers in the comment section below.
Thanks for reading as always! 💕 Till next time, stay up!
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I watched your video today The one we made on our fifth date When you looked into the camera and tried to pronounce my middle name The way your smile warmed my heart More than the French toast from brunch We were by the waterside All I could see were white sands and you, in a similarly beautiful dress Getting ahead of myself? I know Always my mistake But as I stored the video away that day I didn’t have to worry about storage space
The annoying reminders “Upload to your iCloud account” A telling reminder that I had no more space Useful space So I started to delete things Memories, moments, mornings Trying to find space Like those reminders, you became a nag I initially tried to make it stop But eventually, I gave in and deleted things Slowly But the reminders kept coming “Purchase extra storage space” And so I did I bit the apple as I paid and you were gone
I stumbled on that video The one that started it all Your smile, still so beautiful But this time I watched it with no sound No promises remembered I missed you for a second I reached out and dialed Then it went straight to voicemail You blocked me
When the heart feels empty, home has no warmth.
Written on October 19th, 2017 when I realized they had moved out.
I couldn’t stop looking out the window. Taking it all in, I couldn’t understand why this was happening. Denny’s was busy per usual. And my brain was trying to organize all the open tabs. Why would he send me flowers? Did he even send the flowers? Phone in hand, I crossed my arms and stared at them. I had moved the flowers to my table next to the window. The flowers deserved light. They were a beautiful and colorful rose bouquet.
I wanted to call again but my pride wouldn’t let me. I eventually took a picture of the bouquet and posted it on my instagram with the caption, “Thank you secret admirer for the flowers, I appreciate them.”
The back half of my workout was pretty weak and I think it’s because I was distracted. But thankfully I pushed through – I was taking necessary steps towards getting back to full fitness. I tell you this though, them hip thrusts? Not easy!
Later that afternoon, I would braid my hair into three big all-back cornrows and do a chemical peel and Manuka Honey mask. Ezi came over later with some wine, apple pie and ice cream. We started catching up and I told her about the fight with Denzel. She said,
“Babes, you fucked up. Like how would he tell you that and within 48hours you were using it against him? All he asked for was space!”
I chimed in,
“But honestly, you should have seen him. He went from like 0 to 200.”
“Yes! People are allowed to do that when you tell them you had an abortion for a married man! You cannot police his feelings, love. And it’s not like he called you out your name or something, man just said he needed space and you flipped.”
She clapped back at me. I froze, and without having a clean comeback, I picked up my phone and pretended to text someone. Ezi saw right through it.
“Girl, put that phone down.”
As she smacked it out of my hand.
“What are you going to do? From what you told me, he sounds like a great guy, so are you actively trying to get him back or what?”
I couldn’t contain it. It felt like the emotions of the last few weeks poured out in one as I said,
“Ezi, I have called him, multiple times. He is ignoring me. I know I fucked up. I panicked. Telling him felt very risky and made me vulnerable. I guess I did not play for a very real reaction from him. I wish I could take it back. He is such a great guy and I wish I didn’t mess this up, but I am starting to think that it’s beyond repair. Those flowers came today and I thought he sent them but there is no note. I called, and I was blocked.”
Ezi came closer and hugged me.
“It’s gonna be okay.” She said.
As I pulled away from her, she said,
“How do you know that he blocked you for sure?”
“I have called a few times and it just goes to voicemail.”
Ezi reached for her phone and said,
“Let me try calling. Let’s see if he really blocked you.”
I called out the number and she began dialing. A few buzzes and I heard his voice over the phone,
Fuck! This man blatantly blocked me. I was shook.
Ezi had an apologetic look on her. She tried to make me feel better when she said,
“It’s okay love. Just give him some space. He’ll come around.”
Ezi would stay for a few more hours before leaving for the night. As soon as she left, the sadness set back in. I desperately wanted to sleep but I couldn’t. My mind was racing and I kept trying to figure things out. A part of me felt pride, that I was a good person and I deserved to be fought for – and the other was incredibly critical and bashing me for messing up a great opportunity at a happy future. Those thoughts filled my head for hours, until Denny’s became busy that night. But there it was, the familiar loneliness and the background noise of unassuming people living their best lives, one pancake and one sausage at a time.
I was waiting for the doctor to come back with the results of my checkup. My heart was racing for some reason. Initially, I couldn’t figure it out. It felt like I was waiting for bad news. Almost like when you get the “babe we need to talk” text in the morning, but y’all can’t talk till nighttime. I was praying for good news.
I was feeling good, it was a month after the surgery. My diet had been good, I was lightly back to working out, and even started working from home on a few cases. The wait was taking a bit longer than I expected. I pulled out my phone and I went onInstagram. I am not sure if it was the universe or something but the first profile to show up was Denzel’s. I had already tapped into it too fast that I couldn’t back out anymore. The first snap was his meal from the night before, at dinner. First, his plate and then a boomerang of his group of friends taking shots. The next snap was the crew walking down Oxford street. Yes, in London!
I closed the app quickly and tried to control my breathing. A part of me felt very weak because I had been doing a good job over the past few days. I had a moment a few days before where I had to tell myself to get it right. I am still not sure why him being in London was annoying to me. But I felt cheated. I felt like I wanted him to just call me; tell me he was annoyed, tell me we could work things out. But I guess that is one of the things you want to know about someone before getting deep with them. It is important to understand how they are when happy and how they navigate conflict. The doctor interrupted my thoughts and said,
“Ms Leila, how are you? Sorry for the wait.”
I smiled and replied,
“It’s fine, doctor. I’m okay.”
He smiled and said,
“Well, I have good news for you. All your test results came back great. You are definitely trending in the right direction post surgery. I will say to continue doing what you are doing – taking it easy and not stressing yourself. In a couple of weeks, you can resume light travel and the likes. But as much as you can get people to help with things, feel free to let them do that for you. How is that young man that was by your side during surgery?”
I smiled and said,
“We broke up.”
“Oh, that’s a bummer. Well, still take it easy and try not to over exert yourself.”
“How are the meds working?”
“Everything is working well. I think it’s because I haven’t been doing too much; the side effects like dizziness have been mild. So, I would say pretty good actually.”
“That’s good to hear.”
He replied and then continued,
“Well, if anything changes or you are feeling anything, please contact me and we can alter some things. Okay?”
“Well, great. I’ll get out of your hair. You can change back to your clothes and I’ll see you at your next check-in. Have a great rest of the day.”
He said as he shook my hand and exited the room. I sat there for a few seconds before I started putting my clothes on. The results of my checkup made me happy but I was still sad inside. That was the story of my life at that point.
I was starting to forget about Denzel. Okay, that was a lie. It’s better to say that I was not being regularly triggered by thoughts of him. It had been two months since he walked out of my apartment.
I felt like I had finally moved on. After all, I had a date later that night! It was a friend of a friend that had been on my case for almost a year. He reached out to me and asked me out again, I needed to get back in the game so I said ‘yes’.
I told him that I would meet him there. It was a nice Thai restaurant that had opened about 6months prior. The ambience was really lovely and I was excited for the food if not the date. I was pleasantly surprised at how things went at dinner – the food was so good and he was actually a really good conversationalist. I didn’t realize that we were pushing almost two hours. He had an early day the next day and I had to catch up on some work. So we decided to end the night a bit earlier than I usually would like to end a date.
As we headed out of the restaurant, he asked,
“Did you drive?”
“Yeah, I parked in the garage a couple blocks down.”
“Okay, I’ll walk you to your car.”
We kept talking as we walked down the street.
As we neared the end of the walkway, we walked right past a BevMo. I just happened to glance into the store and I saw him. Yes, Denzel. I stopped for a quick second and then I continued walking. Chad asked me,
and kept on walking. As we got to the end of the street, I could feel my heart racing. I said to Chad,
“Hey, I saw someone back there that I should probably say hello to. If it’s okay, we can say goodbye here and I’ll let you know when I get in?”
He seemed a bit confused and maybe disappointed but he replied,
“Sure thing. Have a good rest of the night.” He leaned down, gave me a hug and disappeared into the night.
Till this day, I am not even sure where the courage came from but I stormed into the BevMo and looked through two aisles before I found Denzel.
“So you just decided to not pick my calls, reply to my texts and block me?”
He was startled. His first words were,
“Hey, let me call you back.”
He glanced at his phone to make sure the call had ended and I said,
“Are you going to answer me Denzel?”
He replied and said,
“Leila, I simply asked for time.”
I snarled back and said,
“And two months is not enough time? Can you confidently say that what I said deserved that?”
He looked embarrassed as he said,
“Leila, do we really have to do this here?”
I didn’t care, I truly didn’t. I was very angry.
“Yes, Denzel. I don’t care about these people. Why are you pretending like you had any intention of contacting me? If I didn’t see you today, you would not have reached out to me. So please, just answer my question.”
He paused and then he said,
“Leila, everything was just moving really fast. Not really your fault to be honest but even with what you told me, I felt like I needed time to process – which I asked for and you snapped at me. You didn’t just snap at me, you decided to use something I told you in confidence against me. Something I don’t even think you know enough about to speak on. So yes, it has taken me awhile to come around to the idea of engaging you in conversation.”
I understood what he was saying despite my ego being bruised.
“So what now?”
“We’re just done? No closure, no discussion. Nothing?”
I added. He stood straight and said,
“I had every intention of calling you, but with your reaction, I just felt I needed to protect myself first. These past few weeks have not been easy for me either. But I needed to take care of myself first.”
There wasn’t really much else to say. I turned and said,
“Well, thanks for saying that.”
“How has your recovery been?”
I snarled back as I walked away.
As I got home some 15 minutes later, I got a text message from Denzel saying,
“I am sorry about how that went. I am glad to know you are doing well. It was good seeing you and I hope you liked your flowers.”
I hissed and put the phone down. My heart melted but I was also very annoyed by the whole exchange. It was only a few seconds. and the tears came flowing down. WhatTheHeckMan.
I would spend days thinking about the entire Denzel situation. Not the fight or coming from a place of regret but more trying to understand myself and why I reacted the way I did. It was not lost on me that my relationship with my mother and past let downs with men scarred me. But, I needed to take ownership of my life. It took me a few days, but I began to see the exchange with Denzel as a learning experience.
The situation put my insecurities in full focus. The level of vulnerability that Denzel saw me in, frightened me. Because of my health situation and how things happened, we accelerated what would have normally taken months to uncover. The level of vulnerability that Denzel and I had gotten to would have come from repeated opportunities to flex the muscles of trust and safety.
I got back from a grocery run and I was putting the items away in the kitchen when my phone began to ring. I reached for it and it was Denzel.
I said with caution, not fully understanding why he was calling me. I could tell he was smiling on the other side of the line as he said,
“I’ve been wondering…”
“I’ve been wondering…how different things would have been if I had just let you win that race on our first and only date? Or how you never gave me my trophy for crushing you at that race. I’ve been wondering how many things we’ve left unasked or words unsaid. I have been thinking about how sorry I am that it’s taken this long to say I miss you. And I want to see you. I’ve been wondering if you would want to see me too.”
I didn’t even realize that I was already smiling and then I said,
“Well, technically if I didn’t pass out. I would have won but yes, I have been thinking of things as well and how it could have been different. And yes, I would like to see you.”
“Would you like to see me right now?”
I quickly replied. He asked again,
“Will you like to see me right now?”
“Where are you?”
I responded. I could almost picture his smile as he said,
“Look outside the window.”
It was one of the few times my blinds were actually covering the window but I walked over and I slowly pulled them up with my left hand. There he was. As the blinds went up, he waved at me and on the phone, he said,
“Pancakes or waffles?”
I ugly laughed like a baby and told him I would be down in a few. Mouthwash, a spritz of perfume and I fixed my wig before I darted out of the house.
The way we hugged each other was different; more different than when we hugged before my surgery and even after. It felt so intentional and I felt safe.
“You look really good.”
“Thanks. So do you.”
We sat down and started talking after we ordered our food. I spoke first,
“Denzel, I want to start by apologizing for my reactions when I shared what I shared with you. It was immature and unnecessary. You have displayed the highest level of respect and responsibility through everything, my outburst was unfair to you and I am truly sorry.”
His head dropped down, then went back up as he said,
“I am sorry too. I wasn’t expecting what you told me and I pride myself in controlling how I react to things. I have spent years in therapy and medicating to ensure that I remain present and engaged in conversations and in my relationships. That day caught me off guard and I think your approach to my feelings made me uncomfortable as well, so I chose to leave. I am sorry it has taken us this long to see each other and to talk through this.”
I was so grateful for his poise and his calmness in apologizing. I made a joke saying,
“It doesn’t look like you’ve lost any sleep since that day. Looking fine as hell.”
He chuckled and said,
“Trust me, the heart has taken a beating missing you and trying to figure out what you want going forward.”
“What do you want going forward, Denzel?”
I asked. He looked me straight in the face and said,
I felt chills run down my spine. I gathered myself and asked
“Are you sure?”
He smiled and said,
“Yes, I am.”
I looked at him with some seriousness and said,
“Even after the ‘beating’ I have given you emotionally?”
He smiled again and said,
“When you fell, I felt so many things. I worried about your life and health but something in me made me stay. Sometimes you love but you aren’t in love, and sometimes you fight the one you love, to fight for your entire idea of love.”
I started tearing and he said,
As he reached over to wipe my tears. He said,
“We have both taken a beating and through all we have seen together, the only way now is up. I would love to get to know you better and deeper. We will be stronger for all that we have been through. The beautiful thing about scar tissue is that it’s always stronger on the comeback.”
I had a few tears streaming down my face and I said,
“If you weren’t sitting so far away, I would come and kiss you.”
He smiled, got up and came over to my side. Holding my face, he planted the warmest kiss on my lips. My breathing turned slow, my muscles relaxed and I almost melted in his arms. Midway through the kiss, our waitress came and said,
“Here’s your water.”
Embarrassed, we both giggled as we moved the cups. He placed his hand on my inner thigh as I leaned on his shoulder. Then he said,
“So tell me something about you. Something simple o.”
We both laughed so hard! Then I replied and said,
“This is my first time ever in a Denny’s. It has always given me ghetto vibes.”
He looked surprised as he looked at me and said,
“Why didn’t you tell me, so we could go somewhere else?!”
I smiled and said,
“It’s okay. I just wanted to see you.”
He kissed me again, and this time, as we were kissing we heard people arguing behind us. As we turned around, it was a couple in the middle of a huge argument. From what we overheard, he was not taking care of her and he might also have been sleeping with her cousin.
We both burst out laughing so hard and lost it as he said – say it with me people…
WhatTheHeckMa……. Please leave me a comment below. Here are two questions for you. Rate the series from 1-10 and rate how likely Leila and Denzel will be successful together 1-10 (10 being happy and growing). Leave your answers in the comments below!
Thank you for coming on this ride with me. I hope you enjoyed it!
I remember when I was eight years old; my friend Ezi and I found a puppy on our way back from school. We picked him up and spent the remainder of our walk home trying to decide if we should keep him or not. Ezi and I lived in the same cul-de-sac, so as we stood between our homes, she tried to convince me to let her take him home. I was in love with him already. I even came up with the name we gave him – Rex. Ezi’s family is super religious and at the time, her Gambian mom would have seen a stray pup as an evil spirit being brought into the house. I finally convinced her to let me keep him and we would alternate every two days. She came over with me as we converted the old empty microwave box in my garage into a dog bed. Our grand plan was to keep Rex in my room during the day and then move him to the garage at night.
Things worked well for Thursday and Friday but on Saturday when I followed my mother to the women’s fellowship at church, I couldn’t wait to get home. I was incredibly annoyed by the fact that she wouldn’t just leave and take me home. I know many of you can relate to our parents lingering back in church for hours. Rex needed to eat!
By the time we got home, my father was in the living room watching TV and drinking a beer. My older brothers had not returned from their soccer games with my uncle who coached them. As the door opened, I thought I was going to die. Right next to my dad was Rex’s cage. I almost choked. My dad barely even looked up as he greeted my mom. His eyes never left the game he was watching. I wasn’t sure what to do or say about the obvious dog sitting next to my dad. I was trying to figure out what to say but before I could jump in, my mom jumped in and said
“Where did you get a dog?”
My dad glanced down at Rex who was cutely trying to get out of the box. Without even looking at my mom, he said
“I got it from a coworker moving out of town.”
“Oh, who is moving? Jim or Dorian?”
My mom followed up. He didn’t even flinch. He said
“Not them. You don’t know Chris.”
It almost seemed as if my mom did not want to get into it with my dad. Most of his projects ended up with her cleaning up after him or him abandoning it halfway. I am confident that she believed he would get rid of Rex within weeks. My brothers would also fall in love with Rex instantly once they got back home. That afternoon though, as my mother left the room, my father turned to me sitting on the couch nervously next to him, looked me dead in the eye and said
“Never hide anything from me ever again.”
I nodded as he let me play with Rex. He must have gone into my room and noticed Rex or maybe he had heard him moan. It was the first time I ever saw my dad lie. That incident made us so close, he became my best friend and my hero. A lie brought us close and allowed me to always live my truth with him. Years later, I would see him lie for the second time in my life – the day they told us about my mom’s lung cancer.
Rex would be in our family for 11 years till he and my mother would pass away within a month of each other. I used to always think that Rex kept her alive. One month after she passed, he left us too. I remember the day being cold, really cold. Somewhat like today.
My surgery was a few hours away and I was nervous. The only time I cried as much as I had in the last two days was that month I just described. Between Rex and my mom, I couldn’t breathe. In many ways, I felt like both deaths were telegraphed. I knew they would happen but I did not plan for the pain I would feel after. My dad initially hid my mom’s diagnosis from us until he couldn’t anymore and frankly, it was easier for him because they had been divorced for a bit. Well, and my mom had been cheating on him. It was as if she knew her time was up, so she decided to go back to her high-school/college sweetheart. They would live out the rest of her time together. I cried more when she moved out of the house than when she died. And when Rex was put down, I lost it.
The surgery weighed heavy on me. I was scared. All I could think of was my mother for some weird reason. I felt like it was a curse. How medical conditions would come in and snatch happiness, hope and potential away from unassuming people. I couldn’t stop crying. Denzel was right there with me. When I would stop crying and knock out, I would hear him whip out his laptop and try to catch up on work. The man was trying.
I was two hours away from surgery when my father walked into my hotel room with his new wife. Okay newish wife. He tried to marry this Ghanaian lady a few years after my mom passed and that was a bust. After my siblings and I moved out, he just stuck to teaching around the world and frankly, racking up international partners. A few years ago, he decided to settle down with Estelle and she is an angel. She rushed to my side and gave me a big hug, tears welled up in her eyes.
“Baby geh, are you okay?”
she said. You gotta say it in a Liberian accent to get the full effect. I chuckled a bit as my face lit up. Before I could respond, my dad and best friend spoke
“We got the first available flight down.”
I smiled like a kid and said
“Where are you coming from now?”
He fixed his coat as he came to give me a kiss on my forehead and said
“Kuwait… I’ve been co-directing a US exchange program there.”
I was so proud. He channeled everything into work after mom and he really took his career to the next level. He continued and said
“So, who can fill me in here, what’s the status and who is this gentleman?”
as he made his way towards Denzel, hand outstretched.
Denzel responded and said
“Hello sir, I’m Denzel, a friend of Leila”
My dad firmly shook his hand and looked over to me. It was as if his eyes said
“Is this him?”
A few seconds later, my dad said
I nodded. Denzel kept smiling, clearly embarrassed but confused about what was happening. My dad added
“I’ve heard a lot about you Denzel. Don’t worry, just enough, not too much.”
Everyone laughed. With Denzel’s help, we quickly brought my father up to speed. We were only a few minutes away when he asked if he could have the room. Everyone left us. He pulled out the chair close to me, sat down and held my hand to pray with me. Once he finished praying, he just looked me dead in the eye and said
“I’ll be right here when you get out and we’ll figure this out together.”
There are moments that define you and moments you choose to define. They are not the same but operate with the general concept. You deciding what you are willing to take and what you let take you. I don’t really know what I expected to be the case post surgery but I just prayed that I woke up.
As I woke up, my mouth tasted bitter and it felt stiff. I wasn’t really plugged in. I sort of opened my eyes and tried to find my bearings. Stumbling into consciousness, I felt a warm hand envelope my left hand. Denzel. He smiled at me and said
“Hey beautiful, welcome back.”
I rolled my eyes as I swallowed hard and replied
“I am pretty sure there is nothing beautiful about how I look right now”
He kept smiling and said
“You are always beautiful to me”
“Aren’t you so sweet?”
I gently replied.
I followed up by asking
“How long have I been out for?”
He paused as if he didn’t want to answer and then he said
I replied in shock. He nodded and said
“Yes, they had to keep you in an induced coma to make sure your body healed properly from the surgery”
I was still in shock and he said
“But you have been recovering really well though. They said your body is reacting very well to treatment and the meds.”
“Your dad and Estelle just left about an hour ago to visit a friend. I think someone just had a baby or something”
My mind flashed to my cousin Leah, we were born a few weeks apart. She was having her first child. I was so caught up in everything happening that I completely forgot about it. I asked
“Did they tell you what she had?”
I said as I smiled.
“We’ve been on a girl streak in our family for a long time. I hoped that I would break….”
I could not finish the sentence as I almost broke down. It felt unfair to get stuck on the negatives when I was just glad that I made it out alive.
Denzel picked up on it and quickly jumped saying
“Soooooo now that you are awake? What do you want to eat?”
I held back the tears and I said
“Is it weird that I want okra with goat meat?”
He smiled and said
“Okay I gotchu. I’m gonna make you some.”
I fixed my head to the right and said
“Hold up, you can cook COOK?”
He nodded and said
“Uhhhh yeah. You thought I was joking when I told you I could cook?”
I smiled and said
“Wait a minuteeee. I didn’t think you were lying. I just thought you meant you could cook basic shit like noodles and the occasional pasta. Since we know how much you Nigerian men love adding that to your Chef kit.”
He burst out laughing and said
“Nah booboo. I cook cook and I do it well. I just don’t do it enough because I travel so much. So I never want things to go bad.”
I was actually impressed because he clearly looked like he was telling the truth He got up and said
“I’m gonna head back to mines and be back soon. Luckily okra doesn’t take too long to make. I’ll make it, shower and be back before you know it.”
I quickly chimed in and said
“What’s gonna be in it? Cos I love my goat meat”
He smiled and said
“Don’t worry bout it sweetheart. Don’t worry bout it. That’s that spla, that’s that spla right there.”
He kissed my forehead and grabbed his things and walked out. I took a deep sigh. All the emotions were about to hit me. I was out of surgery, alive and somehow I had managed to keep this awesome man around. What in the world! As I was sorting through the emotions, the door opened and my nurse walked in. She checked my vitals, asked how much pain I was in and how I was feeling overall. I asked her about the details of my surgery and she said
“Overall things went well. The doctor is going to be coming around a little later though to go over all the details with you. In the meantime, do you need anything else?”
I shook my head and she began to leave. She got to the door, stopped, turned around and said
“It’s not really my business but I think you should know that man has not left your side since the first night you got here. He has slept in that chair every night. He’s a keeper.”
I couldn’t believe it. I started to cry. She walked over to me and said
“Oh no baby, don’t cry. What’s wrong? Its a good thing.”
Amidst the sniffling and sobbing, I stopped and said
“It’s not that. It just sucks to know that I finally found a good man and I’m basically about to die and he has to see me like this.”
She leaned in and gave me a hug. As she pulled away she said
“I hear you sweetie but look at the bright side. He’s still here. He is not obligated to and he could have run but he’s here. Focus on that.”
She was right. But all my mind could think of was, how much longer till he wouldn’t show up anymore.
———————————————— Enjoying Part 2? Great! Please leave a comment when you are done. It keeps me going. Thanks! ————————————————
“You made this?”
“Denzel, you actually made this???”
He nodded again and said
“I told you to stop doubting meeeee”
I was shocked. Y’all won’t believe me when I say this but it was fire. Like even better than mine.
He cooked it perfectly. The seasoning, the sliminess and the meat was soooo tender. I was truly impressed. He admitted buying the poundo yam from the Nigerian restaurant downtown, I wasn’t mad at it. I had just washed my hand off when the doctor walked into the room.
Frankly, I appreciated the fact that he wasn’t trying to make small talk because I did not even want it. He asked how I was and if the nurses had come to check on me which I told him they had.
Denzel went to sit down as the doctor began talking. He said
“So Leila as the surgery progressed, we noticed that it would have been more damaging to make the cut that we had initially discussed. So based on the recommendation of the chief of surgery, we aborted the surgery and took some tissue graft and sewed your uterus. There is no guarantee how durable it will be in the long run but I wanted to let you know that with the right diet and medication, you should be fine.”
Have you ever really had a moment where your head was spinning and all you could hear was a ringing sound? Like the sound was distant but also right there? That was where I went. I left the room. It wasn’t until I heard.
“Leila, Leila, can you hear me?”
I slowly came back into reality. My first words were
“So does that mean I can have children?”
The doctor straightened himself, glad he finally got through to me and said
“The possibility is there; although, I would advise against it because it could potentially be dangerous for you and or the child. Let’s start with getting you back to full health and then the journey of the rest of your life will continue.”
The doctor excused himself. Denzel just sat down. I think he was trying to give me space. He asked from his seat
“Are you okay?”
I quietly mumbled
“Don’t worry we’ll figure this out.”
I am not sure why but I snapped
“Figure this out? I am 28 years old. Single. Unmarried and now I may not be able to have children and everyone keeps telling me it will be okay? How is it going to be okay Denzel? How?! I want to have a family. A home. With kids running all around it.”
My voice peaked higher as I yelled to hold back the tears
“I want to be a better mother than my mom was! I want my own kids. I want mine! Don’t you want kids?”
At the exact moment he stood up to answer, the door opened, it was one of the nurses coming to check on what was going on. Denzel stood up and from his coat, a pill bottle fell and perfectly rolled towards the door. The nurse noticed it and stopped it with her foot while bending down to pick it up. Denzel’s words sailed into the room. He said
“No Leila. No I don’t want to have kids.”
I froze. My eyes turned to Denzel. Denzel was looking at the nurse. The nurse held up the pill bottle and read it. Then said out loud
“Are you giving these to her?”
Denzel shook his head. Walked up to her with his hand outstretched to collect his pills. I asked
“What pills are those Denzel?”
He turned around and said
“Don’t worry about them. You don’t need the stress.”
I persisted as the nurse stood glued in place.
“Tell me Denzel”
He looked at me with sadness in his eyes and said
“I struggle with bipolar disorder and anxiety. These are my pills that I take everyday.”
The nurse’s face said it all. What The Heck Man!
~We didn’t quite get 20 comments last week, let’s see if we can do that this week and drop Part 3 early!~
End of Part 2. Please leave a comment below or on social media!
3:36am I couldn’t sleep. The clubs had closed and the Denny’s across from my downtown apartment was full. The line typically circled the building on late nights. It was the only diner that stayed open late. The noise actually was not what was keeping me awake. To be honest, I enjoyed it most nights. From my bedroom on the 5th floor, I have watched fights break out, people make up, proposals and even someone going into labor. In my days, I had given a peepshow or two to the non-paying customers because I forgot to close my window. Oh, the late-night buns on display.
On this night, I really needed that sleep. I had an early morning and I just wanted to sleep, but it had reached that intersection where you asked yourself if sleeping was the right move. I was now worried that if I slept, I could oversleep and miss my appointment. Reluctantly, I turned around and pulled open my bedside drawer. It didn’t take long but I picked my player. I repositioned on the bed and spread my legs. Click. Buzz. 7:30am.
I forgot to brush my teeth. Looking up at the monitor, I was hoping I could get out of there as quickly as possible. I took a swig of the Listerine in my purse. A few seconds later, my client returned. It was the first time I was visiting the VA office. I never knew they were this organized and rowdy at the same time. My client, let’s call him “Jay”, leaned over and said,
“Thank you for coming with me. I hope if we can get the records here, they will help my case”
I smiled, clutched his left hand and said
“I hope so too Jay. I hope so”
He was reading a copy of the New York Times magazine and I was replying to emails from the firm when I glanced up and saw someone at the desk being attended to. My first reaction was the internal “hell nahhh” I sprung up, walked up to the desk and said,
“Excuse me sir, I think you just cut everyone here and ma’am, we have been waiting for hours”
I was clearly upset but I could not understand why he was smiling. From the moment I spoke, he had the biggest grin on his face. He did not immediately respond. I started to scan him from top to bottom. He was wearing a matching forest green tracksuit and it was soaked in sweat. It appeared that he had just finished a workout or something along the lines. The lady behind the counter spoke first
“Ma’am, he is…”
I didn’t let her finish, I asked him directly
“Is there something I said that was funny?”
The smile on his face slowly disappeared and then he said
“Hi, my name is Denzel. It is a pleasure to meet you this fine Saturday morning. I apologize if I cut in ahead of you. It was not my intention to be rude”
He then turned to the lady behind the counter and said
“Please see that she is attended to immediately”
And then he walked away.
The lady behind the counter, Anita, from her name plate, rolled her eyes and began to attend to me. She gave me a few documents and said
“Please fill this out with your client and bring it back to me. You don’t have to wait in line”
I grabbed the clipboard, my documents and pen while turning around to sit down. Then I heard her say
“Oh by the way ma’am, that man wasn’t cutting the line. His company sponsors weekend hours with the government. He is a senior manager there and our liaison.”
I wanted the ground to swallow me up. How did I make such a fool of myself? You see why I tell you I needed more sleep?! Fuck! I walked back to my seat next to Jay. As I sat down he said with a smile
“Don’t worry about it, we’ve all had embarrassing moments”
We both giggled, I did so wishing the ground would open up and swallow me.
The first hand embarrassment sat in my throat as I helped Jay complete the documents. We were rounding up when I heard a voice. It said
“Hello sir, do you mind giving me your seat for just a few minutes?”
I looked up and it was Denzel. That beautiful smile brightened up his face. I was so lost in it, I barely noticed as Jay slid over. He also had this sheepish smile on his face. Denzel sat down and said
“I hate to interrupt but as I walked to my car, I realized that I would be incredibly unfulfilled if I did not get your number and a chance to know you better. So, my name is Denzel and if you wouldn’t mind, I would love your number, please”
I wanted to blurt out the numbers but for whatever reason, these words came out next
“And what if I don’t give out my number to men I don’t know?”
Unflustered, he smiled again and said
“Well, this is our second meeting and you know my name. So technically, you know me. I just don’t know you…yet”
He wouldn’t stop smiling. It made me want to smile too, actually, I think I was smiling already. I replied
“Well since I already embarrassed myself today, I guess giving you my number won’t hurt”
He handed me his phone and I typed in my number and saved my name. He looked down at the phone and smile as he said
“Leila. That’s such a beautiful name”
He rose and stretched out his hand to shake mine
“Well Leila, it is a pleasure to meet you. I have to run now but I will text you as soon as I can”
I nodded with a smile as I shook his hand. He turned to leave and said
“Thank you sir and Leila, I have a feeling we’re going to be really good friends”
At that moment, I was so glad I didn’t oversleep.
Two weeks would go by before Denzel and I would see each other again. It turns out that right after we met, he headed to the airport and was on a work trip for two weeks.
Asides from the first two nights after that Saturday, we had talked on the phone every night and texted through most of the days. He worked for an investment firm based out of Silicon Valley with projects all over the world as a global lead. Somehow in the two weeks, he had come up with a nickname for me “Bono”. A nod to the music icon but also a reference to the fact that I led the pro-bono department at my law firm.
If there was one thing that was truly beautiful about talking to Denzel, it was how easy it was to talk to him. Nothing felt forced or pressured. He was so well versed in most topics that we had content for days. Never a dull moment. We locked in a time for our first date. It was the Saturday he got back. I wanted him to rest after his long flight from Amsterdam, but he was adamant that he wanted to see me. We set the time for 8pm.
Funny enough, I was ready. Typically late but on this day, I was ready. READY. I was on the phone with my girls when the text message came through
“Hey beautiful, I’m outside”
The girls teased me because I actually looked really excited.
“I’ll call y’all later babes”
“No you won’t. Especially if you getting it on tonight”
I giggled and said
“That ain’t happening…at least not tonight”
I said cheekily as I tapped the red circle on the screen.
Hair check. Reapplied my lip stick. Fixed my blouse. Checked to make sure I had my cards in my purse and ID. Pepper spray. Full body check. And now I was ready.
As I stepped out of the building he was standing by the passenger door, leaning on the car and pressing his phone. He looked up as he heard my footsteps. The first words out of his mouth were
“Wow, you look amazing”
I smiled and replied
He opened my door and closed it before walking around the car to hop in. As he started driving, I could feel how much I was liking him come through. There was just something about the way he gripped the wheel. I finally said
“You clean up really nice as well”
Looking at his buttoned down shirt inside his dark blue blazer. He smiled and said
“Much better than a tracksuit, I reckon?”
I smiled and mimicked him
“Reckon… who even says that?”
That was one of the jokes we had – me teasing him about growing up in London and South Africa. At various points, he sounds like a completely different man.
He chimed back. I laughed and teased him about the fact that he had now lived in America for almost 10years and he couldn’t claim to be British anymore. We laughed and he kept driving.
A few minutes later we pulled into the parking garage. It was a short walk to the restaurant where we were having dinner. Such a cute little spot by the water. You could hear the music playing out of it as we walked up. He checked us in and we were quickly sat at our table.
It was a “wine” restaurant. I feel like there is a more formal name for it but it’s escaping me right now, so that would have to do. Basically, the wines are the entrees and the bites plus meals serve as the sides. We got an 8 rack which gave us a glass each of eight wines in the category we chose. They were mostly sweet because that is what I liked but one or two were dry and crisp like he liked.
The conversation was beautiful, we talked about everything from how I decided to be a lawyer to him being a son of a diplomat and living around the world. We talked about my dog that I just had to put down, dating in San Diego, and even the Farmer’s market. Immigration and women’s rights did not get left out either. I had to make sure he did not vote for Trump.
As the night wound down, we agreed to take a walk by the waterfront and sober up while still talking. I was admiring how tall he was and how good he looked in his coat when he reached out with his left hand to hold my right hand. He walked on the side closest to the water. His voice was so calm, the night felt perfect and we got closer to each other as we walked. As we strolled, he noticed a rock right in the middle of the path. He slightly broke away from me and kicked it into the water.
He jokingly jogged and stretched out his hands like a soccer celebration while cheering himself. I said
“Oh look at you! World Cup winner eh?”
He smiled and said
“You don’t know that I scored the winning goal at the last World Cup?”
We both chuckled. I added
“Look at you soccer player. I bet I could outrun you right now”
He stopped and faced me while continuing to walk backwards as he said
“That’s unfair because you’re a runner but I am pretty sure I could still take you”
The competitor in me jumped out and I said
“I’ll take you on this lawn right now”
“In those heels?”
I stopped and started to take them off. He seemed surprised but up for it. I pulled the shoes into my hands and I pointed down the field and said
“First to that pillar over there”
“Let’s get it!”
We lined up next to each other and I counted
“On your marks, get set….. GO”
He took off! I started to wonder why I even agreed to it, he was so much fitter than me. He was gone and I was laughing while trying to catch up with him. Suddenly, it got dark. And I couldn’t feel my legs. Seconds later, I could feel the wet of the grass from the sprinklers on my hair. I heard his voice get closer as he screamed in panic
“Leila, Leila… can you hear me?”
I faintly saw him as my eyes closed. That was the last thing I remember.
I woke up in the hospital. Confused, I tried to look around and find my bearings. I couldn’t see much around me. I was too weak but I was scared that something bad had happened.
Before I could turn, Denzel was standing next to the bed – holding my hand. He whispered
“It’s okay Leila. You’re okay”
I had a tube down my throat, so I could not speak. I wanted to make sounds and ask him what had happened. Just as I motioned, the doctor and my nurse walked in.
“Hi Ms. Leila, how are you feeling? Nod if you’re feeling okay”
I nodded. He looked over to Denzel and said
“Who are you sir?”
He straightened up and said
“Ummmm… I’m her friend”
He looked around and said
“Well, if it’s okay, I have some confidential information to share with my patient, would you mind stepping outside the room?”
Denzel looked at me as if to confirm that he was stepping out. He stepped out as the nurse took out the tube from my mouth. My mouth was bitter and I was trying to swallow but it hurt too much.
The doctor looked at me and said
“I am really sorry that you are going through this at this time but I am so glad you made it in when you did. We did some scans and we discovered that you have a hole in your uterus. It led to some internal bleeding and is probably what caused you to pass out. We can try to manage it going forward but my recommendation would be surgery as soon as possible.”
It hit me like a ton of bricks. I think I just froze there. Thinking back now, I am sure that I was actually crying. He leaned in and said
“I know it is scary but I promise, you are in the best hands. Everything will be okay”
It took me a few minutes to gather myself and I said
“Can I have a few minutes to think about it?”
The doctor and nurse nodded and stepped out of the room. Denzel walked back in towards me. As he smiled at me, I broke down. He walked over to the bed and without saying anything, he just held me.
Tears. Snot. Fears. What the Heck Man!
End of Part 1. Please leave a comment below or on social media!
~Release part 2 early? 20 comments and we have a deal~