The Conversations of One

I am always interrogating myself.
Not in the “sitting in a holding area” type of way but I frequently find myself asking and trying to understand the “why” behind my thoughts and actions.

My office/team has started a slow reintegration back into the office. We are not encouraged to come in once a week – Tuesdays.
I know, I know. Boooo 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅
Honestly, it hasn’t been the worst thing ever, even though I will say I still prefer working from home.
This morning, I was folding my laundry in the laundry room and I realized that I haven’t booked my rental car for my drive into the office.
I am heading into the head office tomorrow and it’s approximately an hour’s drive.
My car has been giving signals of having an issue, so I typically try not to drive it for further trips.

My roommate and guy best friend on the other hand just bought a brand new very sexy whip.
Status car.
My brain briefly went “why don’t you just ask him to borrow you his car?” – before his new buy, he had a more rundown version.
The Nigerian in him used the last money in that car. He would sometimes borrow my car to run quick errands, so asking to borrow his car shouldn’t be weird right?
The next thought in my head was now the one that I interrogated, it went like this…
“For as close as we are (13years of friendship) and the fact that he’s used mine before, he should let me use his car and if he doesn’t, then hmmm. Maybe we are not best friends like that”
Yup.
That was the thought.
But here’s the thing, thoughts like that are not uncommon. As a matter of fact, they show you are human.
And they also lend to the biblical idea that the heart of man is desperately wicked. Despite how well-intentioned it might be on the surface.

I quickly dispelled the thought but it reminded me of why I always ask the why of people when they ask certain things.
Mostly my lady best friend tbh.
Questions like – “do you think we are still best friends or do you feel like you respect me?”
I ask the “why” because many times, those questions are not rooted in curiosity but in fear/unhappiness/insecurity.
My mind asked the question about the car in a way to almost test the strength of my relationship with my best friend and that shouldn’t be the case.
I know my position in his life, so why did I almost way to put him to a test that my mind secretly hoped he would fail?
This is why I encourage you and I to always ask the “why” within the things/questions we ask.

For me, it’s a chance to discuss the motivations and intentions behind what my mind/heart is questioning.
Sometimes, the thoughts are unhealthy and unhelpful.
It always you to objectively discuss with yourself before advancing.
Truth be told, he may not feel comfortable letting me use the car. Don’t get me wrong, I am a great driver but the car is expensive.
If you sef drop 6bands on a car, you’d feel hesitant to let anyone outside yourself drive the car like that.
I know I may feel uncomfortable as well driving the car because of the pressure, so odds are, I would actually rent one for myself to ease my stress.
But yes, stop trying to test your relationships with the hope that they fail. If they are real and genuine relationships, chances are that life will give you checkpoints to evaluate the strength of the relationships anyway.
And my bet is that in the most organic ways, you will pass.
But also if and when they “fail/falter” it won’t be because you used your hands to influence the demise of something you so carefully built.

Anyways, time to head to the gym. It’s 9:15am and I am running “late”.
Another reason I like working from home. How many times will you get the chance to actually be entering the gym at past 9am?
We move sha.

I hope this week, you are having reasons to smile and feel loved.
Don’t use your own hands to ruin the things you love. The world is already built to do that for you anyways.
Keep growing and shining – till next time.
Stay up!

Update: he let me use his car and I was terrified the whole time I drove it. For starters, it’s a German machine! And it cost a lot of money but also because I was traveling on a less traveled route. Anyway, it was a day.
And thankfully, my mind lost this battle.

See you all next Wednesday. Please share this piece with your friends and family and on social media – Twitter, IG, Snapchat and so on.
Thanks!

The Wordsmith,
Master of Cliffhangers.

Please comment, retweet and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

WordsOfWednesday

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