“It might not even bleed but it could hurt the most”
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Eyé Àdabà by Asa
I had to keep the faith that I wasn’t going to be blind. It was tough to do when I was given only a 13% chance of seeing with both eyes again. It was terrifying and I could not have gotten through those days without the help of my sister. She was everything to me throughout that period. She would leave and I could always bank on her coming back to be by my side. I still can’t count how many days she spent at my bedside while I was in the hospital. She would come in the evening and work on her own stuff while she turned on audiobooks or music for me to listen to.
In a real period of literal and emotional darkness in my life, she was a beaming light.
The days got harder and harder as they passed by.
With each passing day, I would wonder if she thought about me. I still could not make sense of it all.
Why did she not come?
Nights in the hospital were the hardest. I was slowly getting better physically and gaining more strength in my limbs but my heart still hurt and I wasn’t sure how to put a stop to it.
The surgery came and I was nervous. I remember my sister being with me and holding my hand a few hours before.
“Jerome, it’s going to be fine. I promise.
I’ll be here when you get out”
Her words were reassuring but they were still only words.
Ever been in a situation where someone you loved was telling you it was going to be okay, even when they didn’t seem to believe it?
She was scared and I couldn’t see her face but I could tell that she was terrified. She was just trying to stay strong for me like I would have for her and I truly appreciated that.
She was there till they wheeled me away into the OR, letting go of my hand right before the door. I remember lying under the lights that focused on me. I could hear the sparks inside the wires connected to them buzzing as the electricity flowed through them.
I remember feeling like I was going to see again. It felt like it was just a matter of opening my eyes wide and the pictures would come in. I began to imagine the places I wanted to go and the things I wanted to see in the world should I be able to again.
I was thinking of the Great Wall of China, being on a Safari out in Malawi or skiing the Alpines in Aspen. I wanted to take in the world!
I was taking it all in and then I felt the anaesthetic hit and then sleep followed. I was out.
I woke up about 7 hours later with my eyes still covered but the doctor was there to deliver some of the best news I had received in a long time.
“Sir, the surgery went well; better than we expected. We were able to remove majority of the pieces of glass in your left eye and we expect a full recovery there. We are not sure about your right eye just yet but it seems like there might be some vision there and it might not be a full capture of things you see but you may still be able to see out of it.”
He paused to make sure I heard everything and to let my sister take it all in.
“We are still concerned about your right eye. The most delicate shard of glass is still in a very serious position but the nerve is sending signals to your brain again, so we are sure it is functioning. In the meantime till we re-evaluate, no physical or strenuous activity. No contact sports and no outrageous manly things. Just taking it easy, okay?”
“Okay doc. Thank you”
I responded and thanked him as he left the room. My sister was dancing around the room and singing. I couldn’t help but smile. It was like God decided to have mercy on me.
I was going to see the world again. But I wasn’t ready for the scars I would see.
. . . . .
My health insurance offered me different kinds of therapy to deal with recovering from the incident.
I was still very depressed and quite upset about feeling abandoned by people I considered my family. So I began seeing a therapist.
It was in therapy that I knew how much Jacques and Tasha not being there really hurt me. Talking about my feelings helped me recognize that I was more hurt than I realized. I was convinced Tasha had another man in her life. It was the only logical explanation for her behaviour.
Jacques and I had seen things together. Like the types of things we had seen and done together were the type that if one of us snitched to the authorities, we could end up in jail. We were that close. So to find out that he only came to see me in the hospital one time was a very hard pill to swallow. One particular incident surrounding that championship game and the week leading up to it, brought us so much closer than we ever were. I was truly let down by them both but I they weren’t blood so I guess that always left the possibility that they could turn on me at some point or under the “right” circumstances.
I was leaving therapy one evening when I felt this barrage of memories shared with Tasha flooding into my head. The one that stood out the most was the day I realised I was in love with her and that I was going to do right by her no matter what it took.
It was a hot Saturday evening, I arrived at the park down the street from her house 5 minutes ahead of the time I had actually told her to be ready.
I called her feeling like she might be late and of course late she was.
“Are you ready?”
I asked with a slight tone.
she responded in her baby voice she used whenever she wanted to get away with something
“I’m just putting on finishing touches. I’ll be down in a minute”
she concluded with.
I clicked the phone and hung up. A minute turned to 20 minutes and we were now running late. I was upset. Not entirely at her but myself.
How could I think she would be ready in time?
How many of you know any women that actually get ready on time? It’s always something with them from making sure they comb the nappy hairs under their weaves to ensuring their ankles aren’t ashy; they always run late.
She walked out of her house in a stunning red dress. I had to catch myself. I was trying to stay angry that she made us late but I knew it wasn’t going to work.
She got into the car and said hi with a smile on her face. She knew I was upset.
Staying quiet for a few miles as I drove, she touched my shoulder and I turned towards her. All she did was whisper,
and I was gone. I was so weak for her. Women are experts at using their “assets” spoken and silent to get men feeling some type of way.
We arrived at the club where my friend was performing his new music. It was small and intimate. We greeted him and sat in the middle of the floor with enough space between the stage and us. We could take in the performance but not be overwhelmed by the sound.
Dinner followed shortly after the show at a restaurant down the street. It was mellow and just an open conversation as we joked and laughed through our meals. I hated what I ordered continuing my trend of ordering wrong and she was willing to share her food with me. I couldn’t stop smiling at everything she did. I kept thinking to myself about how wrong people were about her. She was amazing.
Recognize ft. Drake by PartyNextDoor
We left dinner and began driving back to her place so I could drop her off when she asked if we could stop at the store to grab some wine. And I obliged.
I was under her spell as she waltzed through the aisles and we joked in the near empty 24-hour grocery store. She knew where the wine was right when we walked in but she was just enjoying spending the night with me in the silliest way.
There was no line at the checkout and we were just being nuisances as we headed to the car.
The drive was chill. She had her legs on the dashboard as I drove and music played out the windows.
We headed to our “spot”. It was by the levy overlooking the water.
The city lights lit up the water from afar and it was always a magical sight at night. I pulled up to the side with my car facing the water.
The music was playing slowly in the background as we just talked. I can’t remember what led to it but we began kissing. In the middle of it, I saw some lights headed towards my car.
I stopped as a security guard pulled up next to my car.
The cabin of the car was dark, so I turned on the inner lights so he could see.
“I’m not supposed to let anyone park here overnight”
I smiled and responded,
“We’re not parking here overnight bro. We’re just taking in the view and talking. We’ll leave soon”
he said okay and headed on his way.
Out of nowhere Tasha grabbed my shirt and pilled me in for a very hot kiss. I was taken aback.
“What was that for?”
She looked at me with a sly smile on her face and said,
“you just looked so sexy talking to him. I had to kiss those lips…”
I smiled, thanked her for the compliment and leaned back in my seat. And then she said,
“How cool would it be if we had sex right here, right now?”
I was surprised. I thought I was the freak in the relationship
I began to respond, visibly caught off guard by the question. And then she cut me off.
“Do you still have that blanket in your trunk?”
I nodded and she continued,
“Can you please get it and fuck me on the hood of your car?”
My balls shriveled up. My shaft straightened. My senses woke up. My eyes grew bigger.
“Are you sure you want to have sex here with Tommy the Security guy driving around?
“Have I ever complained about having an audience before?”
She was referring to the night we had sex in the park by her parent’s house and some folks were playing on the play structure.
I turned off the car and opened the trunk. I hopped out and she followed.
I walked to the front of the car with the blanket in my hand and laid it on the hood, using the windshield wipers as clips to hold the two top corners down.
I turned around and she kissed me. She wanted this, I could tell.
She leaned back onto the hood of the car that was very hot at the time. It must have warmed up the blanket. She climbed up as I knelt down and spread her legs. I slowly pulled her panties down and tossed them upward onto the windshield.
I kissed her inner thighs towards her pink. I softly kissed her lower lips as they kissed me back moistly. I began to work my tongue around her clit without maintaining pressure on it. She knew what I was going for. I wanted to make her beg for it as she got super wet.
I could tell she wanted more. So I parted her lips and stuck my tongue inside. The taste of her fresh wetness had me lapping up for more. I was slurping while trying to ensure I didn’t miss anything and I was failing as her juices flowed onto my beard and drenched them.
The feel of her lips on my lips and her juices on my chin were causing my shaft to stand firm. And then she stopped me and turned around. On her fours, on the hood of my car, she poked her ass in the air and slowly said,
“I want you to eat me like this”
A woman that can ask for what she needs when it comes to sex will stay winning. She got a little wetter and just like you guys, I got much harder.
I leaned in and bent my knees to come down to her level and I grabbed her ass cheeks and spread them. I shoved my tongue into the warmth of her soaked lips. She moaned as she grabbed the blanket. I was low behind with my face shoved between her cheeks that I could not see her face. Her moans sent the message clearly though.
I was struggling to breathe as her still flowing juices covered my nostrils, my lips, my chin and all over my beard but I was not going to quit. She reached back and pushed my head inwards. I took it as a license to stick my tongue deeper inside her.
I stood up and dropped my pants. Slapping the head of my shaft on her clit, I slowly slid into her. It was so hot in there.
Covering up my shaft with each stroke, she was really wet. She grabbed onto the sheets with both hands as I slid in and out. It felt amazing and I had to use all the will power I had to not bust that early one. I began to think about random things like my phone bill and Nascar while maintaining my stroke.
Her moans continued to bring me back to the present though.
I was picking up the pace and thrusting deeper while grabbing her waist. The way she moaned made it impossible for me to even think of lasting much longer. I knew it was only a matter of time before I let loose.
The breeze blew by occasionally, freezing up my ball sack as I continued to go deeper. I leaned forward and kissed her back as I picked up the pace. She knew what was about to happen and then she said,
“Fuck me harder, fuck me!”
There was something about her saying that, that always drove me insane. I knew I wanted to give her more but her juicebox was so good, I only hoped I could get seconds. The men out there know what I mean.
I was thrusting harder now and she was moaning all sorts but what stood out the most was right before I was about to cum when she said
“Do not fucking cum! Keep fucking me! Harder!!!”
Now any guy in the world knows that hearing that is just going to send him off the edge. I clenched my butt cheeks as I thrust and hoped I could ride out that wave without cumming. I failed. A few thrusts later as her ass slapped back onto my pelvis, I pulled out. A few more tugs and it was all over the floor.
She got off and gave me this super warm kiss while stroking my shaft and then she did the craziest thing. She dropped down on her knees and took my semi hard member into her mouth. The sensation was crazy!
I wanted to push her head off but she bit gently to let me know that doing that was not in my best interest. It was safe to say she sucked me dry. Then she got up. Put her panties on and then pulled her dress up. She looked at me and said,
“We have to finish part two on the my new carpet”
I pulled my pants up and smiled. I knew I had to keep this woman for good. She had me.
. . . . . .
The boredom was the hardest thing when I returned home. I was advised to not watch too much television. I couldn’t create designs for new watches on my computer because they involved sharp colors and of course a computer screen. I was forced to continue to read books and listen to music.
I also returned to walking. I would take walks down to the creek by my house to help clear my head or just get some fresh air from being cooped up in a house all day.
This particular day, I had walked over to the creek. The sun was out and beaming down on me. My back was burning in the heat as I backed the sun and my house. The weeds over the creek were dried as the summer continued to heat up the entire place. I took in the sight of some birds and a couple walking their dog before heading back home.
I was returning from the creek and the sun, which was behind me when I was there, was now in front of me. The orange and yellow texture of the sun was strong as the sun continued to rear its head from behind the houses and refusing to set. I couldn’t see down the street but I just knew the sun was setting in front of me and blinding me.
I arrived at the front of the house and stopped for a second to check the mailbox. Nothing new. There were just a few coupons from local stores.
I let myself into the house and headed to the kitchen. I stood in front of the refrigerator with my cup and I pushed down on the lever and ice cubes began falling into my cup. They were making some noises and I couldn’t tell but I thought I heard a knock on the door. I continued putting the water into the cup.
I think I must have rushed the water I was drinking.
But my brain registered this sound. It was a knock at the door.
I walked to the door and assumed it was my sister returning and probably just being lazy and not wanting to use her key. I opened it without looking through the peephole. I held the door open with my right hand as the sunlight flooded my naked eyes. I was shocked.
It was Tasha.
It was dead silent for about a minute and then she asked,
“Can I please come in?”
I didn’t respond. I turned around and headed for the couch.
She walked in and shut the door behind her. She walked over to seat across from me in her heels and fitted black top. My pent up anger towards her suddenly turned to brief attraction. Like I just wanted to lay her across the coffee table and ravage her clit but I contained myself.
Her voice was still as silky as ever. I melted when she stated talking.
“Jerome, I want to start by saying I’m sorry”
I wasn’t accepting her apology, especially not a lame one.
“I won’t sit here and make excuses. I fucked up. I should have been by your side through it all. It was overwhelming for me. I didn’t know what was expected of me in that situation. I had never experienced a near death situation like that before. I panicked.”
I was now irritated. And I responded packed with attitude,
“You panicked for over 5 months?! That’s your excuse?
That’s a bullshit excuse and you know it because if it was me, you could bet your life I would have been right next to you when you woke up. So please spare me the fucking excuses and just stop!”
My breathing was shorter and I could feel myself sweating a bit. I was getting heated.
She bowed her head as she attempted to answer. She actually seemed sorry and for a woman who rarely apologized for anything, I was a bit surprised she was doing this.
“Jerome, you have every right to be mad at me. And to clarify, I was coming for a while till before the 3rd month off and on. I was there sometimes. A lot just happened in my life after and it was heavy stuff so I wasn’t sure how to deal with it all. You have every right to be mad at me and in fact never talk to me again. I just hope you can forgive me for not being by your side like you would have been by my side”
Like I said before, I had a huge weakness for this woman. I had been with quite a few women before but not a single one floored me like her. It was surprising that just her voice had gotten me already.
Frankly, I had forgiven her the moment I opened the door. I loved her. Like truly but I wasn’t about to give in easily, so I faked being mad some more and replied her,
“You were there sometimes?! I have always been there from day one for you and your brother. And your brother only came once too?! Like wtf? And you’re here looking for me to forgive you? Who does that?
You played your hand by not being there and I would appreciate it, i you just left me alone”
My fake performance seemed to be working. She seemed to feel like she was losing me. So she got up and walked towards me. She placed her phone, which was in her hand on the table inches in front of my legs.
She placed her hand on my lap while I held my breath.
It was that moment when you are trying to stay mad at your partner you clearly have a weakness for and they touch you. Wall of Jericho falleth!
She looked me in my eyes and said,
“Jerome there is so much we have to talk about and work on but I want you to know that I love you deeply and I am sorry”
I sighed and didn’t respond. I couldn’t. I didn’t know what to say. I was glad she was here and I knew there was more explaining to be done but I was willing to let it go for the moment. She leaned in and kissed my cheek very close to my ear. It tickled and I smiled.
She got up and walked to the bathroom.
A few seconds after the door closed behind her. Her phone buzzed and then it buzzed again. I was looking at it resisting the urge to check it but I also wanted to. What has kept her away that long? Another man?
I wanted to find out but I wanted to be secure in myself as a man. But it was right there?!
“She wouldn’t know”
I thought to myself.
I looked at it one more time. My hand itched.
I reached for it and tapped on the screen and opened it.
The messages that had come were from her brother, Jacques.
I could not believe my eyes. Was that why she stayed away? Jacques?!
What reason could he have for portraying me to be a bad guy to his sister? I might have been an asshole before but I had never shown any signs of hurting his sister. What The Heck Man!
Tasha walked out of the bathroom and towards me. She noticed a look on my face. She said,
I looked up at her and leaned back in my seat. I flashed a smile and said,
“Everything is great.”
“Revenge sometimes seems the sweetest but to get it, you might have to bleed some more first.”
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Lookout for Part 3 of Scarred next week and #WordsofWednesday on Wednesday.
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