Past Present Woes
What gets people so intrigued about the past?
I find that people as a whole obsess about what was and not what can be.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think history should be discredited in totality.
I respect that it informs patterns, gives insight into future predictions and most importantly, it can be a cautionary tale for things to come.
But I never get the fascination and obsession with it. Let’s use me as an example, I don’t like regrets. Because of that, I sometimes live my life with the handbrake on and other times, I can seem reckless with no bounds.
Either way, I try not to look backwards too often.
Read about my logic in The One that Got Away
I come to terms with my realities faster that most. “Oh I lost that opportunity because I didn’t work hard enough?”
Or “I didn’t get that girl’s number because I delayed too long?”
Or “That friend hurt me or I hurt them?”
I make peace with it early on and move on.
More importantly, the things that are reminders of regrets are precisely the things I want to not have to think about.
Most times, people come into your life and they want a walk down your memory lane to inform how they want to live or love with you.
But have you ever thought that it is retraumatizing for the person to relive that experience?
Imagine a woman who was with an abusive man, you now come into her life and you want to talk about it and him.
But when she is not forthcoming, you think she doesn’t want to open up. No!
Sometimes opening up is letting you see into them but it means they have to reopen to the wounds.
Flies live around open wounds and more importantly, they bleed.
Another reason people don’t like talking about their pasts is that it can be extremely embarrassing.
Maybe you dated a proper asshole or you were one. Or maybe you haven’t even healed from your stupidity.
So sometimes, people want to leave things the way they are – in the past.
If you have a good person, someone that you love and loves you, focus on the future.
What kind of friendship or relationship can we have?
As opposed to worrying about the kind they had with people they may not even be talking to anymore.
The past got them to you, whole or damaged. However you dice going back, you are losing some value in the now.
One thing people also don’t realize is that if you hang around long enough, sometimes you get a pure and honest peek into the past.
The past is what made us, but we are only as good as what we do next.
It’s like people that love to tell you their past relationships were this and that.
Brother and sister, in your past relationships you may have won gold but it counts for nothing if your current situation fails and in some cases, you are single. So who past relationship epp?
I like the past, with two rules.
1. I’ll take you into it as I please at my pace and time.
2. It should only be a marker for improvement and that itself can and should be very personal.
No one wants to be only defined by their past, so why do you obsess over that of others?
Thanks for reading as always!
New series out on Saturday!
Please watch this space!
Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated.
© 2018 #WhatTheHeckMan
One thought on “Past Present Woes”
I was excited to get home from work and see a new #WOW in my inbox. This has to be one of the most triggering posts for me. I am guilty of questioning someone about certain partners/ interactions. I was told i was stuck in the past, however i questioned certain individuals, as i felt there was possibly some feelings still there. I believe if you can not talk about something, then you are not fully healed from it, which could be a red flag. It had nothing to do with “ego” but more with if he has/had deep feelings for her, he should go and fix it. Love isn’t selfish and why should i hold someone back if that’s who they really want (he never realized he made me feel this way). No1 wants to interact with someone that is conflicted or could possibly leave as soon as a past interaction resurfaces. if you are sure about being with someone, it’s only fair they are also sure about you too. No matter how much i tried, he never seemed to understand that.
I never thought too much about it being traumatizing to reopen old wounds, so i will be more understanding to my partner/partners going forward. We are not defined by our past, however it is a part of our story, a page in a book that your partner wants to be a final chapter in. To understand someone, you will have to let them in eventually.
Thanks for getting my brain in overdrive. I have some apologizing to go and do in the morning. Can’t wait for the new story.