“True love” (Anna)
Long distance friend (Fara)
The crazy one (Jessica)
The weekend girl (Zoe)
My actual woman (Sarah)
“Hey Anna… How are you?” I heard Sarah say. I was still drying myself off in the bathroom and my eyes grew big. She’d answered the call?
“Oh, I’m good. And you?” Anna responded.
“Is Zane home? I just wanted to ask him something really quickly” she continued.
“He’s just getting out the shower” Sarah said with a smile, “I’ll have him call you later.”
She turned towards me and said one word, ‘explain.’
I told her some calculated story of how Anna, now an investment banker, wanted some information about my bank because she was advising a client on investments or something like that. Sarah bought it but I could tell she was still irritated.
Sarah and Anna used to be acquaintances a while back. I was still dating Anna and around that time when a mutual friend introduced us to Sarah. They became social media and texting friends (the definition of friendships today) but when Anna and I broke up, one thing led to another and Sarah and I became involved. I don’t think Anna resents Sarah for getting involved with me, I just think she expected more from us but what is loyalty in this world today?
There seems to be an awkward tension between the two of them whenever they’re in the same area together, but they have always seemed to stay respectful and cordial towards each other.
Sarah and I finished planning our upcoming getaway, we needed one because I was carrying a lot of emotional baggage and Sarah just needed a break. Tickets bought! Time to step away from all the madness. It was going to be a busy but good week, or so I thought.
. . . . .
I was in bed on Skype with Anna on what I believe was a Tuesday evening.
“It’s going to be okay…You’ll always have me here” she said.
On face value, that sounds like the typical break up line but it was her giving me all her love as I cried my eyes out. She got me. She was the only one that I could show this side of me. Well one other person but she was thousands of miles away. She always gave me all her love, yet I broke up with her to go and “find myself.” Ladies, if a man ever says he wants to break up to find himself, tell him okay but you’ll be the one holding the flashlight trailing him as he journeys to find himself. For some men, that line is a classic cop out of whatever they have but I really wanted to find myself though… Instead I found Sarah.
Anna never left though. She had been with me through everything and I mean everything! I was not a man when I met her. I was a young boy trying to find his way. Anna was a year older than me but we got on perfectly. She knew me before the “come up.” Before the confidence, money and new-found attention from women. I was sitting there pouring out my heart to her.
Anna and I met when I was trying to come to terms with myself, and who I wanted to be in the near future. We became really close and she knew me inside out and it was only right that when I fell for someone, I fell for her.
My mother and I had been clashing; I carried a bit of resentment towards her. She was too busy doing the work of the church that she’d missed me growing up, leaving me in the care of someone that violated me for years. I remember the lady she had employed to take care of me; a much older lady at the time. She would deprive me of food and threaten to not take me places unless I did sinful things with her. I was probably about 9 or 10 at the time. I sometimes think I should have known better. I should have spoken up or did something but I was scared. I have blamed myself many times for the things that happened to me during that three-year period but could I really have known better? Wasn’t it the job of my parents to protect me?
It was the love I had for Anna that repaired my relationship with my globe-trotting evangelic mother. Anna showed me what it felt like to be loved whole heartedly and I began to warm up to my mother but every so often, I would drift back into this dark place. The one I have been in for the past few months now. Anna is the definition of the love I want in life, I’ve seen it before and felt it. I let it go with good intentions but if I could, I would get her; my one true love back and let her love envelope me again because I sure can do with it these days.
Highlighting my new dilemma, Zoe (nursing student/weekend girl) just texted me.
I was hungry, tired and frankly just being lazy skyping with Anna. I considered saying no but instead I responded with;
I asked her to text me the address of wherever she wanted to grab dinner. I sluggishly got dressed and dragged myself into my car. I sat in there for a minute, the key in the ignition and almost talked myself out of going. I eventually did and showed up at dinner that night. I think we had a salad appetizer because I remember her asking the lady to take it back and remove the dressing they had put on it. The conversation was great as usual partly because she was such a brilliant woman. Her smile was a beauty and for some reason I just loved her handbag. She carried that pink thing with her all the time and I loved it.
We talked about everything! From us, to food, our careers and much more; with her I could have a conversation about anything. Many times in hindsight, I asked myself why Zoe and I never really became an item prior to that night and I think it was because of a certain vibe that I got from her. Her parents were well off. Hardworking folks and I always felt she gave off an entitled vibe, like she always got what she needed or wanted. I didn’t have that so I felt like I couldn’t be with her because she wasn’t humble. My view on that has since changed because I’ve gotten to know her better but back then, I think that was the reason we had minimal contact and that she was busy or vice versa.
Dinner got wrapped up and I was in a much better mood. I was enjoying her company and didn’t want to go home. I remember how I somehow talked my way into us going to the Marina. We parked our cars next to each other and began walking on the side of the water. It was an absolutely beautiful sight. The lights across the other side of the lake were lit and planes flew closely over our heads to the nearby airport while we walked alongside the water talking about everything and nothing. I was really into her and from what I’ve told you so far one would think that I was into every woman, but the truth was I loved a few and could not trust many of them. The hurtful things that I’d experienced as a young boy in the hands of that lady who repeatedly raped me for three years, and later my cousin down the road would also abuse my trust in the same way which made it impossible for me to trust women anymore.
I only trusted one…Anna, and even with her I sometimes had my doubts. Zoe and I took seats on the docks; they were rocking back and forth as we sat down on them. Surrounded by water, in the dark with just enough lighting from the corner of the parking lot in a distance we held each other and talked away. Midway into our conversation, we noticed a raccoon walking on the rock and coming towards us. Zoe began to freak out. I remember telling her to calm down and sit still. We both sat still but it kept coming closer. I told her if it passed a certain point, we were both going to run off the docks and into safety as fast as we could. Luckily, it went away. We both took that as our cue from Mother Nature to leave and so we did. Hand in hand, we walked back to the parking lot and I got in her car. We sat there talking some more. It was one of those nights where you just didn’t want it to end. Somehow we got to her reading my poetry pieces off my phone and I remember her asking me to create something on the spot. I leaned in and closely placed my mouth right next to her ear, asking her to close her eyes whilst I began reciting as softly as possible. Zoe loved when I read poetry directly into her ears. I wasn’t exactly sure why but she did. The heat built up between us as I continued;
“…Bring your body over here
Lay it down
Like a burnt offering
I’ll enjoy you
Like I’ve been suffering
From your toes, to your neck
I’ll travel your body
Your moans as my compass
I’ll cover every ground
Kiss every corner
Drink all you have
I hate to waste it
Give me more baby
Take all of me inside you
Dig into my back
Whisper into my ears
Tell me how you want it
I won’t stop you
I’m here to pleasure you
But first I’ll devour you…”
Her breathing was shorter and faster as her heart paced. I was done talking but she was still breathing fast like she was expecting me to say more. I stopped talking and pulled her in close to me with my right hand. With my left hand, I moved her hair out of the way and began kissing her neck. She was moaning gently as I placed my lips on hers and began kissing her passionately. I had all my love to express. All my feelings in those kisses; her lips were soft and sweet. I tasted her strawberry lip-gloss as I devoured her lips and abruptly I pulled away. I leaned back in the passenger’s seat and motioned at her to come. She hesitated like she was not sure she wanted to do this or at least do it there but then she climbed over. She sat on my laps. Her legs were on either side of me while I continued kissing her. She was holding my head; my absolute favourite spot was behind my head. She was making me feel like ripping her clothes off her. Things were moving fast and it was getting hotter in the car.
My hands began working their way to push her panties aside. I thought to myself, she was not a ‘have sex in the car’ type of girl but this was a moment that wasn’t scripted and it felt just right. She stopped me in the middle of a kiss and looked at me as if trying to make sure we were on the same page, and then she leaned back in and kissed me. I knew it meant go. I kept kissing her as I pulled out my package from my pants. It was hard and ready to go great places. I slid her panties to the side in the process getting some of her wetness on my fingers. I moved the finger to my mouth and sucked all her juices off my fingers. The sight of it drove her wild. I proceeded to slide my manhood inside her… She gasped! Slowly, I began to work her body up and down on my member. She kept her eyes glued to me. The glass was completely fogged up. The pace gradually picked up and I began to drive all of me into her like I had told her I would. She was moaning and digging her hands into my back. I just wanted to give her everything I had. She kicked her head back and I pulled her hair just to keep her head in the same position. I thrust upwards searching her insides as her juices flowed down onto my package and subsequently my pants staining them. We kept at it for a short while and then she began riding me faster as she neared her threshold. Her moaning sounds were driving me closer to my climax but I did not want to explode yet; at least not now but she was ready. She was throwing her pussy back onto my member as she neared her climax and then it came… she came! A few seconds later I had to push her off as I spurted out all I had in me. I cleaned up as I looked over to her and we both smiled. It was hard to find the words to follow up; just smiles. It was 3am and too late for her to go home. We spent the night in that car. Don’t ask me how we slept but we did albeit uncomfortably but it was definitely a memorable night.
. . . . . .
I left that parking lot at the Marina and headed straight to work stopping by my gym to freshen up and change my shirt. I was having a great day. The type you have when you’ve had great morning sex. I was responding emails with “Splendid morning to you!” and I even let someone cut me off on the way to work without losing my temper. I swear it was great. And then…. Yes go ahead and say it. I received that call. It was from Jessica; crazy Jessica! Every bit of happiness I had seemed to have had disappeared by the end of the call.
She had a special way of sucking out all of my joy but her pussy had a way of giving me another type of satisfaction. I thought she was just calling to inform me that she was in town and wanted to have sex, but what she dropped on me was the most unexpected bit of news I’d heard since I was told Michael Jackson died. It was something serious and far from just being a booty call! Jessica told me she was in town and that she hadn’t gotten her period for a full week. Apparently from her calculations she might be pregnant and I was the last one she had sex with in the last 3 months. I knew that was a lie but I was in too much shock to argue. Yes, no one can be trusted. She said she would come over to my house that evening to talk and she hung up.
I was in shock. What the hell just happened?
I had to leave work early. I headed home… confused, angry, scared and just worried.
Was I about to be a father? What would I tell my parents?
Was my mother, the head of a church going to be given a grandchild out of wedlock?
Was I really going to ruin my mother’s ministry because of some unstable girl?
I stopped by the nearby grocery and picked up a pregnancy test and headed home. I was uncomfortable pacing around my apartment. I needed to calm down. I poured myself a glass of Jack and sat anxiously, waiting for her to show up. I clutched the pregnancy test in my hand… I was nervous. That fateful night kept replaying in my head. I remember we were having sex and I was about to cum when she held me by my tie and told me to keep going and in her words, “shoot every drop inside me.” She told me that she was on the pill. Why did I believe her? I was so angry with myself. She had me clipped in when I let my seed loose into her. I was sure that the devil was trying to get me for all the evil things I had done. Of all the amazing women in my life, why was it this one that had to become pregnant?
I needed to calm down!!
That was when I thought to call Fara. Fara was the long distance girl. She was just perfect. Everything was perfect about her except for the fact that she lived thousands of miles away. She truly cared about me. The only person that came close to how she cared about me was Anna. I would spend countless hours late into the nights talking to her and even though she was hours ahead of me, she would stay up. I told her about Jessica. It was before I met Fara so she understood and actually felt for me. She did her best to calm me down with her gentle voice and adorable giggle. I remember it being just like when we first met. We had been at the airport, our flights delayed. She looked tired and couldn’t wait to get on the plane. I remember approaching her and starting up a conversation. The rest they say is history. She has worried about me beyond my comprehension and has always been there for me even when I acted like I didn’t need her. I needed her more than ever now.
Fara was able to convince me that everything would be alright, advising me to breathe and calm down which I did. She had completely taken my mind off the issue when I heard a knock on the door. I ended the call and let Jessica in. I handed the pregnancy test to her and pointed her to the bathroom. She looked at me with a smirk on her face and said, “No hug or kiss… All because of a small pregnancy?”
I glared at her with my glassy eyes as she walked into the bathroom. The pregnancy test included two tests and I asked her to take both. It seemed like forever. Heaven only knows how many times I had died in the 5 minutes it took her to come out. I just sat there and continued to worry. My dreams? My goals? I wanted to see the world, what would happen to them now?
Why was she taking forever? I paced around the room waiting for her. My glass of Jack Daniel’s was running low, I was too tense to pour the rest. After what seemed to be as long as the Cold War, she stepped out with the first stick and it was negative. She was not pregnant! I was slightly relieved but I asked her to take the second one just to be safe. She rolled her eyes, complained that I didn’t trust her and went back to take the other one.
I was glad! I poured the emptied the rest of the bottle into my glass and began to down it. I was definitely going to be drunk now. And then it all turned, she looked at me and said “Sooo… since I’m not pregnant, can we have sex now?”
What?! With my emotions running high, I was so confused and turned on at the same time. It was an understatement to call this woman crazy. She was the definition of functionally mad. I asked her to leave. She turned and looked at me. In a controlled movement, she walked towards me and said;
“Zane, if you don’t fuck the shit out of me right now… You’ll wish I was pregnant so I could spare your life to take your child support!”
I was stunned. Tipsy but I was sure my eyes cleared up and my dick stood up. I was going to break her!
I grabbed her and pushed her up against the wall. I stood behind her leaning into her and asked her if she just threatened me. She said yes claiming she would do it again. My breath reeked of alcohol as I yelled at her. I pushed her tighter up against the wall and spread her legs apart. Ripping her underwear off, I got down on my knees and put my tongue into her now hot and wet pink. She was moaning like crazy and I loved it. I was like a hungry savage, the way I’d covered my face in her wetness. I spread her ass cheeks wider as I let my tongue search her insides with much focus. I threw her onto the bed and clumsily reached for the handcuffs. Behind her back, I cuffed both hands together. I slid my rock hard manhood inside her from the back. She let out a loud moan and tried to wiggle her way into a more comfortable position. I did not care… Even if it hurt her, she was going to feel this heat. I was thrusting in and out of her with such anger and determination to make her feel something. She was moaning and taunting me asking for more and I duly obliged. I leaned forward grabbing her hair and with a handful in my hand; I drove deeper and deeper inside her. Jessica began to yell that she was going to cum and that I should keep going but I knew I didn’t have it in me to last that much longer. I looked at my reflection in the mirror at the foot of the bed and encouraged myself to keep going. I kept going till she became completely silent and then she let out the loudest moan I had ever heard from a woman. I was partly in shock but I pulled out of her and spurted out all of my seed onto her butt right in front of me. I got up and staggered into the bathroom, leaving her sprawling in the bed with her hands still cuffed behind her back. I turned the faucet on and dabbed some water on my face. I looked up at the man in the mirror and whispered, “Who are you?”
I had begun this roller coaster ride to find myself but I had become this calculated hoe and quite frankly an Undercover Player because I knew what I was doing for the most part. I washed my eyes and head again this time looking closely into the mirror. I was never actually going to find myself if I kept letting mediocrity like Jessica find me. I returned to the room and said,
“You need to leave…NOW!”
Jessica rolled over and smiled. “Sure… right after you take these cuffs off me.” I took them off and she picked her things to leave. She got to the door and turned around saying;
I hesitated before saying, “no…”
She smiled and cunningly said, “We’ll see about that”
I sighed and closed the door. This was definitely not going to be easy at all.
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