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Trapped 3

Trapped 3

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 ⟹ ⟹ ⟹ PLAY THE SONG BEFORE YOU READING.

                                                    Faaji ft. OC Nicotine by Chordratic Beats

 

I thought Jae had missed the awkward exchange between us but apparently she hadn’t.

“Do you guys know each other?”

She said with a smile on her face clearly oblivious to what was happening or so I thought. With both of us shaking our heads, I responded

“No, we don’t. She looks familiar though”

It was a lie. A clear one that I think Jae must have seen through but I couldn’t have risked the truth at that moment.

She giggled and said to Nia

“Marcel knows just about everyone, it’s actually quite stressful.”

I knew she was only teasing but a part of me felt like she said that particular sentence to reach out for a slip up. I stood firm and smiled back. Nia looked at my father in disgust and then at me, she excused herself and walked out. My eyes had followed her as she walked out. When she was out of sight, I turned back around and caught the glare from Jae. She sensed something.

There had been something off about me since I returned from the hospital. I had been trying to keep it under wraps hoping that Jae wouldn’t find out about it. I was still in shock, replaying the face I saw at the hospital over and over. It really was her and I could not believe it. I did not know what to do and my father, the man who never thought any problem was unsolvable, admitted we had a problem. I was confused and powerless.

I remember sitting at my dining table alone thinking,

“I thought she moved?”
“I thought she lived in a different state”
“How did she get so far up in the same town and I never noticed her?”

I had to talk to her. I just had to.

Jae was scheduled to be discharged after observation that day. Due to the many times we had lost babies, we had agreed that she needed to have a therapist. Dr Yeung had been working with her for about a year now and I felt he was a sort of calming influence for her. Jae respected him and valued his help. My bank account respected the importance of the need, so it never complained.

I got to the hospital in the late afternoon after leaving work early that day. I walked in and headed to Jae’s floor. Her appointment with Dr. Yeung was scheduled to end at 5pm, so I had about 45 minutes to find Nia and talk to her. I asked for her at the floor’s receptionist desk and they called and asked for her to come down. I sat impatiently in the lobby waiting for her. I was nervous and unsure about how this was all going to go down. A few minutes later, I heard her arrive next to me.

She wore glasses now but back in the day, she didn’t. She slowly took them off and asked,

“What do you want?”

I picked up on the hint of disgust and resentment in her voice. I slowly stood up and in a lowered voice, I asked,

“Can we please speak in private?”

She rolled her eyes and sighed.

“10 minutes”

She responded as she led me towards an open hospital room down a few doors down. She walked in before me and I walked in and closed the door behind us. I stood there and she had this expecting look on her face to urge me to start talking. I took a deep breath in and began to speak;

“Nia, I don’t even know where to start. It’s been so long and I don’t know what happened between us after that night. I had so much to explain. One moment we were something and the next we were gone….”

She cut me out mid statement and said,

“Look Marcel, you look like you have done well for yourself and that’s great but after what you and your family put me through back then, I don’t want to have anything to do with you. And I have nothing to say to you. I will be as professional as possible with your wife but I do not want to speak to you. So if you would excuse me, I have patients to attend to”

She stormed out of the room and slammed the door shut. My biggest fear had been realized. This encounter had gone sour and now she was mad at me. Nia from back then held grudges and that obviously hadn’t changed. I deserved every bit of it though; I had messed up back then big time. And I obviously hadn’t been forgiven. It’s not only the sins of the father’s that live on after them, sometimes it’s the sins of the man himself that will haunt him.
My heart sunk into my stomach and a cloud of darkness seemed to cover the room. I took a deep breath and opened the door, walking into the bright lights in the hospital hallways.

I entered Jae’s hospital room and Nia was already there. Jae still unassuming to my understanding, Nia was talking to her about ways to continue to take care of herself. Jae was already on a strict diet and on a bunch of pills to support the process and the help with the constant blood loss she had. Dr Yeung said his goodbyes, shook my hand and walked out. Nia finished up as Jae who was sitting at the foot of the bed, thanked her and got up. We walked out together, Nia walking behind us. We stepped outside the room, headed to the left and down the hall. I turned around and caught a glimpse of Nia standing in the hallway behind us. She had a look of sadness in her eyes. She quickly turned around with her head bowed. I was sure I had hurt that woman.

. . . . . .

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                                                                                   Lust or Love – Tay

It had been two weeks since the hospital and I hadn’t been able to shake the thought of Nia out of my head. This particular day I was in my office, it was a Saturday when the rest of my staff was gone. The way I was, whenever I had something not work related weighing on my mind, I would immerse myself in work till it was all I thought about. I just couldn’t leave the room to think about other things that continued to depress and confuse. I had left many texts on Nia’s phone, a number I had illegally retrieved online. There were no replies.

I turned my chair around deep in thought, papers all over my conference table with a jug of water I had been drinking from. It was full when I walked in, now almost empty. I stared out the window into the hills. The day was beautiful outside but my heart; covered in darkness.

I met Nia in my freshman year of college in one of my sociology classes. It was filled with girls but she stood out to me. She was smart, witty and she had an amazing sense of humor. I gradually moved seats as class sessions went by until I was seated close enough to her. I would eventually talk to her and even had the final group project with her which we obviously smashed out the park. We rocked together. We were both young and new to it all. Enjoying the experience with her was fun.
When I decided to pledge, she thought it would be a good idea to join a fraternity with connections post-graduation to set me up in the future. She was a little disappointed when I ended up picking what was notoriously known to be a party house.
Nia and I weren’t together officially at the time I found I was going to be accepted to join the fraternity. Part of the pledging process was that I had to come up with money to throw a huge summer party and by the end of the night; I had to have sex with a girl on the bed they gave me on top of the fraternity’s custom made sheets. It seemed fairly simple and straightforward, my father was well to do and I had Nia. We had been having sex for about a month and feelings were already there, it was just a matter of the right time to make it official.

The night of the pledging, they blindfolded all of us. They drove us to a spot approximately 12 minutes away from campus to a causeway. We got out of the cars and the blind folds were lifted. We were directed to use some big rocks on the ground to write out the name of our fraternity. It was noticeable from the freeway next by. We then returned downtown in the city where our school was located. We tagged some buildings with graffiti and then headed back to the house.

It was around midnight and people were beginning to fill up the house. I headed to my room and showered. I came down about 30 minutes later and Nia showed up soon after. After the step show, chanting and the speech by the “brother” (the head of our fraternity) welcoming us all, the party was on. Drinks were everywhere, drugs were everywhere, girls were everywhere and sex floated in the air. About an hour later, Nia and I were high and drunk, her a bit more than I. We headed towards my room. A high five from one of my fellow pledges and we were soon on my bed. I was fondling her, nervously kissing her and laughing midway through.

I cupped her breasts in my hands and squeezed while my mouth searched her body. I was nervous and naïve. I didn’t even wonder if they were recording the whole thing. The sex was average at best. I don’t know if it was because we were under the influence but it was done in mere minutes. Not two, a prime number greater than five and less than 11.
I got up and stumbled to the bathroom to take off the condom. I had this weird check I performed back then with condoms to ensure they never broke. I would fill them with water and squeeze the water around it. Think water balloons. I was going to make sure I wasn’t at risk of anything. This particular one wasn’t leaking.
It must have been when the water was running that they came but the sight I came out of the bathroom to would later haunt me for a long time.

I returned from the bathroom and noticed two of my frat brothers on the bed. One was kissing on Nia and the other playing with her privates. I was taken aback. I couldn’t believe it.
One of the head “brothers” came up to me after obviously noticing the shock and confusion on my face. He put his arm around me and said,

“This is not a problem… right?
We all share here. We are all brothers”

I wanted to fit in so bad and that night I made the most cowardly decision I have ever made as a man. As one of the guys wanted to violate Nia with his privates, the “brother” still standing next to me with his hand on my shoulder said,

“This shouldn’t be that bad. She’ll enjoy it. He’s good. After all, she isn’t your girl right?”

There was a window right there for me to stop this all. I looked up at him, it was as if my answer had to be perfect. I looked down and said nothing, just shook my head conveying “no”.
Nia was under the influence but I knew she could feel things and she knew it wasn’t right but she couldn’t fight back. There I was, worried about the wrong things. Vain things and I was hurting the woman that I cared about. That wasn’t me, it was the man I was becoming and I had to stop that guy but I didn’t quickly enough.

They made me stand there and watch the whole thing. I stood there and fought back tears. Nia was turning and would make out a period to keep her eyes open to look at me. It was a begging look. Pleading with me to make it stop but I did nothing. I just watched. I watched just to fit in. I let my morals slip away.
When it was over, a short but damaging 16 minutes, another set of brothers came in and cleaned Nia up. It seemed like they had been used to this. It felt like a cleanup to prevent the drugged girl from knowing what had happened. The rest of the night was a horrible blur. I never heard from Nia again. She dropped out of the school shortly after and I heard she moved out of the country about two months later. The other cowardly thing I did was not attempt to find her before she left. She wasn’t staying at her parents but I should have still tried harder.

The sins of a man. This secret had me trapped for years. I never thought it would surface and now it was breaking my heart. The things that happened that night to me and to Nia had weighed so much on my current life and I didn’t know it.

National Sexual Assault Hotline – 1.800.656.HOPE

“A bystander to evil that does nothing is just as responsible for the evil. Do something. Speak up”

                                                                  -@adewus4real

I thought to myself as I came back from my memories and my cell phone buzzed again. It was Jae. I wiped the tears off my face, cleared my throat and answered.

“Hello…”

. . . . .

Jae was outside my office building. She had returned from her wedding and decided to surprise me. This was the worst day that this could have happened.

I straightened myself out and headed for the front door. Letting her in, I gave her a hug as she gripped me tight. Her red covered lips planted a huge kiss on my lips. She looked amazing. She was a wearing a white and black stripped dress, knee length, with pink pumps and her blue clutch. I was pretty sure a few years back, I would have feasted her up before she left the house looking that good.

“How’s the work going my hardworking superman?”

She smiled as she sat on the conference table.

“It’s going baby. How was the wedding?”

I responded,

“Oh the wedding was fine but forget the wedding. I had an idea while I was waiting outside. We haven’t had sex at this new office since your company moved some years back. I want you to fuck me all over this table”

This was the freaky Jae talking. She was going for it.
She seemed very up for great sex at the moment but I was worried in my head that I would not be able to get my member up.
There was just something about her in heels. I scanned down at her legs and I somehow got turned on. My member slowly began to rise. She leaned back and pulled her dress up, revealing her dark blue lace panties. I knew it was about to go down. She spread her legs, licked her fingers and slowly moved them from her mouth to her lips down south.

“Are you going to take them off or…?”

She snapped the lining of her underwear. I reached in, still seated and pulled off her panties. Wet.
I licked my lips and looked up at her. She had this look of anticipation, waiting for my warm tongue to touch her wet pussy.
This was crazy! But it was happening and anyone that has ever had sex at their workplace would tell you the same. Well you should never tell anyone that before your ass gets fired. Back to #WhatTheHeckMan series…
I leaned in and French kissed her lips. They kissed back. Wet, they covered my lips with their juices. My tongue went searching inside their cabin and my beard was now getting covered in her showers. Her back was arched all the way; her braids hitting the table. She scratched the table looking for a grip. Nothing.
I absolutely enjoyed feasting on her body. My left fingers still playing with her right nipple as my tongue paced back and forth on her clit. I stuck two fingers into her. It was hot in there. My fingers as they worked in and out like an oil rig shaft continued to get covered in wetness.
I was ready and about to get up when she rose and pushed me down. She got on her knees and took me into her mouth. There was something about the way she sucked on the rod, working both her lips and hands at the same time. It was perfection.
She made it wet. Nasty wet.

Slobbering all over it. Spit covered, my member throbbed hard. I was clutching the handles on the seats trying to maintain composure as best as I could. She was getting me close and I wasn’t afraid either. I wanted to get this first one out of the way, so we could enjoy the rest of the party together.
I placed my right hand on her head, holding it down as I neared that climax. It was going to be a full load, I could feel it in my balls.

“Yess… Yess… Arghhhh!!!”

I let out the grunts as I shot my load into the back wall of her wanting mouth. She swallowed.
Licked her lips and got up. She pulled my chair that had been moved back while I came close to the desk, she turned around and before my member had time to drop its head and go sad she got it happy and slid on it. It was so warm in there!
I could feel my shaft throbbing as she worked her way up and down. She was moaning loudly. There was just something about this encounter. She wanted this bad!
She placed her hands on her head and she bounced up and down on my dick. I held her at her waist to help guide her along. I could tell she was nearing her climax. I got up, without pulling out of her, bent her over the desk and gripped her waist really tightly.
My thrusts were harder, you could almost say angrier. I was hitting it hard. In and out. Her moans were now many times louder and here we were in my office, windows open and asses hanging out.

“Cum for me dadddyyy… Shooot that shit inside me!”

Thrust. Thrust. Thrust.

“Oh shit!. Oh shit”

Was mostly what she was saying and then it happened. The full load.
All inside her, I clutched her waist really close and empty my barrel into her warm wetness. She turned around with the biggest smile on her face. Half of it was surprise at the fact that we just did that at my place of work and the other half was that it was amazing.

She leaned into me and kissed me on the cheek and then whispered in my ear while grabbing my shaft and rolled my balls in her hands,

“He should get ready for round two when we get home”

I smiled. It was on.
Because of her, I had forgotten about all my other problems. It felt great to just have her. She led the way out as I watched her sway from left to right while I armed the building’s alarm system. She always looked like a Queen. Part two was definitely going to happen.

. . . . . .

Our lives had finally settled down after the last miscarriage or so it seemed. I had begun to worry less about Nia. I was resigned to the fact that I just might not have been able to fix that. And she barely told me much so what was I even trying to fix?

I pulled into the drive way that evening and there was a car parked in my parking spot next to my wife’s car. I was a bit irritated because it meant that I had to park my car on the street and I would have to come back outside to move it again before the garbage trucks came by in the morning. I was tired.
I stepped out of the car and headed for the rear of the car. The trunk was already opened; I reached for laptop bag and grabbed my running shoes with my index and thumb fingers on my left hand. Using the base of my left hand, I closed the trunk and headed towards the house. I arrived at the door and struggled to let myself in with all the things in my hands. I eventually got in.

The second living area was the first thing you saw when you walked into our house and then her kitchen, after turning the corner, you then had a clear sight towards the main living room in the house with most of the bedrooms upstairs. I could hear Jae talking to someone but couldn’t really make out who it was and I really didn’t care. I just wanted to hit the shower, eat some dinner and knock out.
I let out my usual phrase when Jae didn’t physically see me when I came home. Coming around the corner, headed for the living room, I said,

“Hey mama, I’m home”

I turned into the living room. I stopped in my tracks. My brain went into overdrive. The television was on; food network. There were glasses of water on the coffee table on top of coasters like Jae always wanted. The perfectly lit and spaced room suddenly felt smaller. I could feel my heart playing catch up with the rest of my body. I felt like I was going to faint. I hated being blindsided, I still do. I noticed her handbag leaning on the couch next to her. I noticed her blue pumps, crossed over each other. My eyes were picking up on everything as they searched for answers. My eyes had torn the whole room about apart but I had not moved a single inch. And then Jae broke the silence. She stood up and almost fighting back tears, she said,

“You’re a rapist?! You raped her?!!”

The tears started to flow. My heart began to shatter into tiny little pieces. I could feel them drop onto the floor with all the tension in the air and silence in the room. I wasn’t exactly sure what to say. I know I needed to say something but nothing came out.
I was in shock… Double shock! I was still holding it together until Jae said these next words which snatched out my heart and crushed it.

“You are a sick bastard and I never want to have anything to do with you.”

Nia had gotten up at this point; bag in hand and was ready to leave. Jae walked her towards the door and a few minutes out. I was glued to the spot; literally. So many questions raced through my head and I struggled to find answers. It felt like a movie or a very bad prank that was perfectly executed. I finally was able to move. My mouth was dry, heart racing and palms sweaty.

I tried to make sense of it all. I tried to find the words, all that came to mind was….

Help me say it!!!!!!!!!!, #WhatTheHeckMan!!!!!

Come back for the concluding Part 4 next week. It promises to be epic. Trust me! Leave me a comment….

 

PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK

Lookout for Part 4 of TRAPPED next Saturday

© 2014 #WhatTheHeckMan

Uncategorized

Trapped

Trapped 

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A Huge Birthday Shout to my biggest fan and motivator F.M.S, you are truly everything. Thank you for the push to start #WhatTheHeckMan. We are truly grateful. Enjoy!

⟹ ⟹ ⟹ PLAY THE SONG BEFORE READING. START THE SONG FIRST AND PLAY ALL THE SONGS

                                                Afire Love by Ed Sheeran

We lay there backs to each other. Something wanted me to reach over but I couldn’t. This was becoming our story. This was becoming what we were identified with. But this situation only made us one thing; better actors to fit into the society because when we were out, all we had to do was put on a smile and make the whole world think that everything was fine in the Davidson home.

I could feel the sleep coming over me and I wanted to turn around and tell her I love her. I wanted to turn around and plant a kiss on her lips like I had done many times from our fornicating days till when we decided to get married. I wanted to go back to the old us. I really did.

It was about 8:30am in the morning when I woke up, she was already up. I could hear some movements in the kitchen and her space in the bed was empty. She was either doing the dishes from the dinner she made the night before or just cleaning up like she normally did.

I got up and turned around, reached for my phone. Flipped it over and looked at my emails, messages and texts. I placed the phone down.

I got up and sluggishly made my way into the bathroom. I caught a glimpse of my boner as I walked past the mirror and my small brain wanted me to put that to work.  But no, that wasn’t going to happen.

Standing over the toilet bowl, I began to pee. I realized about halfway through that I forgot to lift up the toilet seat. I knew how much she hated that, she was soo going to lose it. But I finished, turned around, cut a piece of paper towel and threw it into the bowl.  I washed my hands then walked out and went to the kitchen.

“Good morning baby…” 

“Good morning”

She responded in her ever so polite and quiet voice. There was something missing; the smile, the spark. Our pain had taken all of that from her. Now she settled for mere days of happiness. I asked of her plans and she said she had none except seeing her sister and stopping at the bank.

“Dinner at Sophie’s tonight?”

I asked.

“I’ll let you know later. Is that okay?”

I nodded and took a sip of my coffee.

Tax season was over so I was home more and traveling less. I had been traveling a lot recently, not because I didn’t love her or want to be home but because I felt like things were changing between us and I wasn’t ready for that and tax season is the busiest time for an accountant.

I headed back to my room and walked by the room. Untouched and hardly opened. I remembered last night when she had snapped at me. I was disappointed and sad because I knew that the fight against the pain that was tearing us apart was winning and we were giving in.

I stood in front of the room and looked at the closed door. Everything in that room was vividly registered in my mind. I knew where every detail was. I stood in the doorway of our bedroom and she came into the hallway and saw me standing there.

Tears began to flow down her eyes and I turned away and walked into our bedroom without doing anything. Sad, I know but it was where we were now. Love used to reside in our home. Used to.  Now we were cuddled in the arms of heartbreak and unhappiness and it was like home.

.    .    .    .    .    .

 It was my junior year in college and I was in a fraternity, working at a coffee shop and making up community service hours at the local library affiliated with my school down the street from campus.

That beautiful Friday morning I was restocking the books we had received overnight into their respective positions and I happened to glance at the door when a local day program for autistic kids came into the building to use our community playroom. Their program assistant was just beautiful. Like you could tell from afar that she had a great heart. I just wanted to get to know her instantly.

I stood off in between two shelves and watched her care for and direct the kids. It was so heartwarming. I must have been staring for about 20 minutes when my co-worker came up behind me and said, 

“Are you going to talk to her or just stare like a creep?”

I joked and blew it off like she wasn’t my type or anything but she really was. She was the perfect foil to me; crazy and loud at the same time. She would bring so much calm and focus to my life but not until after she made me work to even get her attention.

The first time I ever talked to her, was just bad. I messed up so much. I used to think I had game but my own tongue humbled me. I had never seen it so tied and twisted as it was that day.

Towards the end of my shift, I got radioed to come and clean up a mess a kid made in the playroom her group of kids were using that day. I walked into the room with my broom and mop heading straight for the spilled bag of hot Cheetos on the floor. I wasn’t angry that it had been spilled on the floor, in fact I was more upset that I had to do that “dirty job” in front of her.

I made the mistake of being myself instead of trying to impress her by rushing to sweep it all off the ground, the crackers crumbled under the broom and further stained the carpet. Confused, I jumped down to the ground and tried to use my brush to scrub it all off and I was doing okay until, I got up and realized my blue jeans were covered in yellow cheese from the knees downwards. Wet cheese.

I looked down at my pants with the kids laughing at me and I looked up at her, she had a smile on her face; a little one. I don’t know where the words came from but in my embarrassment, I coughed up,

“What are you looking at that’s funny?”

and rushed out of the room. I noticed the smile on her face disappear and turn to surprise as I turned the corner of the tempered glass window and walked away.

I played that incident in my head many times and wished I could take it all back and re-do it. I felt I could have been smoother than I was that day. Ugh! I hated myself. It didn’t help that she would then travel for the entire summer to London for a wedding and studying abroad. I was so angry I didn’t get a second shot. But after all, they say you don’t get a second chance to make a first impression or at least something along those lines.

A few months had passed and I was running through campus one evening when I noticed her sitting down reading on the field. I was taken aback and immediately approached her. This chance was not passing me by. I came up to her and tried to chat her up but I walked away from that conversation shut down.

I remember starting with,

 “Hey, how’s it going? My name is Marcel. What are you reading there?”

She responded with,

Impact of Vicarious Trauma on Social Workers”

Obviously having no idea on what she was talking about, I tried to play it off and continued the conversation,

“Oh, that must be from the Sociology class about social problems, right?”

She looked at me, smiled with pity and said,

“No. but if you don’t mind, I have to finish this chapter”

Like a dog with its tail between my legs, I walked away till I got far enough and started running. I didn’t want to start running after I left her because I was so surprised at the exchange. I felt so little that it felt like I would have tripped over my own feet if I’d attempted to run.

I could not understand why she would not give me a chance to chat her up or get to know her. I was guessing she knew I was part of a fraternity and maybe she didn’t like them or something. I was confused and intrigued. And she never even gave me her name.

I would later run into her and her best friend one day. I immediately began chatting up her friend as a way to not get blown off. Her friend liked me. It was working. And then I invited them to a party the guys at the house were throwing.

We had been throwing parties for a while. I was always in charge of the food and at the time I was neighbors with Chad, the guy in charge of the guest list; he decided who came and who wasn’t invited. I knew that I wanted her to be there, so I walked into his room one evening and asked him that I wanted her to get a special invite for the next party.

The way our crew rolled on campus each party was unique in the way we promoted or even themed it. There was a schedule for how we threw parties; one in March, July and one usually in late September or early October. Whether, she knew it or not, she was coming.  Speaking with Chad, the invites for this party were Masquerade masks. If one got delivered to you by one of the freshman pledges, you were in.

I specifically wanted to invite her to this party, so I had Chad give me her specific invite along with that of her best friend. I walked into her Sociology class during lecture and walked straight to her seat. I stood in front of her and dropped it on her desk. With a smile on my face, I said,

“Party is on Saturday, you’re the special guest. It won’t be epic without you. Don’t let everyone else down”

and began to walk away. I turned around right at the door to a startled professor and an embarrassed smile on her beautiful face. I knew I got her; I just knew it.

A few days had gone by and I had still not heard anything from her. It was crazy how I went from being extremely confident to beginning to doubt myself. I wondered why she didn’t respond and what that meant.

“Did she think I was obnoxious?”

“Full of it?” 

“Too out there?”

I wasn’t sure and the silence was making it so much harder for me to think straight. I needed to see her. I needed an answer.

.    .     .     .     .     .

 The party was halfway through and it was about midnight. I had not heard from her or her friend and I still kept looking out for her hoping she would show up. A few rounds of beer pong, spin the bottle and a couple hits off the rotating blunt out on the porch. I was starting to forget about the disappointment of her not coming that I was actually starting to have fun.

And then backing the door, I was talking to a friend and I heard my name. It was her voice. It was her gentle voice. Funny to say gentle because it was deeper than most women but it always seemed to soothe my heart and comfort my ears. I turned around and there she was; beautiful.

She had her hair up in brown braids. She was wearing a blue blouse with brown shorts and some heels. I swear I just wanted to take a bite off her smooth cheeks as she smiled at me.

“You came!”

I began with sporting a huge smile on my face

“Where is your friend?”

I continued,

“Bathroom”

She responded while pointing to the corner of the house.

“Well thank you for coming. I’m glad you could make it”

I yelled over all the blasting music.

She nodded and pulled me in close and yelled into my ears

“For that stunt you pulled, you owe me dinner. My pick and I’d like a drink, please…”

I pulled back from her as she shoed me away like a little child.

I smiled and turned around. She was hooked. She was mine.

Our initial few months were different from the norm. The honeymoon phase came months later into us knowing each other. We used to argue over the pettiest shit and for no actual reason except that we were both stubborn and no one wanted to cede control or get hurt. It was ruining us from building anything solid. And we knew it too.

Months would pass by and we would begin to understand each other better. Since we began to get serious my biggest issue with her was probably that whenever it got seriously bad with us or we were in a rough patch, she would pack up and be so eager to leave the relationship. Instead of rolling up her sleeves, taking the reins like she first did when I tried to woo her and impacted the relationship. She always wanted to go. It made me feel extremely inadequate and like I could not love her right. She barely complimented me and even if she did, it was always twisted to not highlight me in some way. I felt powerless whenever we argued because it would always be turned into how much I was needy, selfish and inconsiderate.

But she had a way, oh she had a way to make me happy; possibly the happiest man in the world.

It was the way she smiled, the way she talked, the way she snored. The way she looked into my eyes and drank all my bottles of water whenever she came to visit. Even the way she said, “what you ma call it?” or her obsession with Indian movies; she endeared herself in my heart.

Those were the reasons why I loved her so deeply. She motivated me to be a better man everyday.

She curbed my wild ways and helped me understand what it truly meant to love and be selfless. Out of nowhere, this woman captivated my heart and I was completely fine with it.

One night, we had been going through a rough period and walking on eggs shells, it was frustrating.  A few days prior, I had accidentally hit her in the middle of trying to de-escalate an argument we were having. She knew it was an accident but she was still holding on to it much to my irritation and frustration.

This evening, I could not remember what was said, I believe it had something to do with a post I put up on Facebook. Usually something I wrote or posted to some girl. She didn’t like it and she called to confront me about it. I blatantly told her it was not about her even though I was pissed off at her for another matter. She became angry and attempted to blow me off that night. I wasn’t having it.

I got up and put my clothes on. It was past midnight. I got into my car and headed for her house. About a few minutes away, I texted her saying I was on my way and I wanted her to come down stairs but we were both only allowed two sentences each.

I got there and a few minutes later, she was in the passengers seat. No words exchanged.

                                      Nishike by Sauti Sol 

We drove to a quiet and dark empty parking lot and I parked the car. Motioning to her, we hopped in the back seat of the car.  I pulled her in close and said nothing. Just holding her tight. I knew she needed to be held. She was stubborn but she was my baby. She was my Queen. I kissed her gently as I stroked her shoulder. She looked at me like she felt safe. I hadn’t done enough of that lately. Making her feel safe. I was caught up in all I wanted and how I wanted it that I would sometimes run right over her feelings and lead us into another fight before realizing what was happening. I felt bad because I didn’t want her to be frustrated or fed up. I was madly in love with her.

I motioned to her that I wanted to make love and not have sex with her. Important difference. She said okay. She actually used up her two sentences very quickly in attempting to convince me to say more words. I didn’t budge.

I laid her down and slowly took off her clothes. Kissing her softness along the way. There was something about loving this woman, it was easy. Even through all the things we had been through, there was no one else I would rather love.  I took off her panties and lowered myself on her pink. It was a very direct approach. I slurped my tongue into her wet pink and slowly began to suck on her clit. It was warm, even hotter when I allowed my tongue to go inside of her to feel her walls. Both her hands were on my head directing it along the tracks. I was getting my beard covered in her wetness and it felt good. I didn’t spend too much time down there, I came up. For a brief moment, I stopped and looked into her eyes. I just could not imagine being any other place but in the back of this car with her. I hated the car, my blue Nissan Sentra that was starting to fall apart but I loved her and I loved the space we occupied. It was all I needed.

I could feel her breathing pick up pace as I lowered my member into her. Slow thrusts until my entire shaft was covered in her wetness. I held her close with my right hand behind her back for support and my left hand on the fogged window. It was hot, steamy and sweaty. The thrusts were not fast; deep but not fast. Controlled and gently paced, I could hear her moans travel through my ears and into the empty parking lot as it sailed and faded before reaching the residential homes behind us. I could feel her wetness begin to touch my balls as they gently slammed into her. Deeper and deeper, I ploughed. She dug her hands into my ass and squeezed tight pushing my hard package into her. Her right leg placed on the back of the passenger seat, her sandal had fallen while that on the other leg stayed high along with the leg on the back seat. My name was not mentioned but I could hear her loud and clear. I could feel a reconnection between us. I could feel her heartbeat on my chest as her right fingers dug into my back. It was not a matter of how much I loved her but more of how much I was connected to her. The pace never changed. It was like our body parts carried the message of the heart through each other. We held on to each other, tight. It was the safest place.

I remember we finished and lay there on top of each other. Looking out of my moon roof, talking about our journey. It was beyond a doubt that I wanted to be with this woman. I lay there and wandered if there was anything that could break us without us letting it. She was my one true love. She was my only love. I had so many names for her to ensure that she remembered she ruled my heart.

On my chest she laid, peacefully and slowly starting to fall asleep like I was and then it happened, in the dark of the empty parking lot, it happened.

We heard a knock on the glass.

Shit!

It was the police and we were both naked…

I was confident that he was going to write us a ticket for indecent exposure or something but he asked for our ID’s and checked them.

Returning the cards back to us as we had rushed to put our clothes on

“It’s not safe out here”

He said

 “Go home.”

We thanked our stars and rushed into the car. I drove slowly to her house whilst holding her hand. I glanced over a few times to her and still said nothing. I pulled up in front of her apartment. She stepped out and I did too. I walked around the car and hugged her. Wrapping her in my arms, I whispered in her ears my only two sentences

“I love you, mami”

“I’m sorry”

She pulled back and looked up at me from her 5’5 place, into my eyes she searched as if to validate the apology. I leaned in and kissed her. I was sorry and she knew it. I hugged her tighter and let go to walk to my car.

“Drive safe!”

She yelled into the night as I drove off. I had the biggest smile on my face. I was in love. I knew I was in love with that woman. My heart was hers.

.    .     .     .     .     .     . 

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Those were the memories we shared. That man and that woman had disappeared; gone. We had changed. Life had changed us and we had no means of making it stop.

It had been a long and draining day and I just wanted to go home and relax. I was pulling into the driveway when I remembered that we were supposed to be having dinner with Sophie and her family.

I was too tired but I was willing to do it for her. I just wanted to go to bed but I walked into the house. She was sitting down on the floor. She didn’t even acknowledge my entrance.

“Jae, how are you?”

Silence. She said nothing and took another sip from her glass. It was filled with win and there were not just one but two bottles sitting next to her.

 “You’re not going to answer me? How much have you had to drink?”

I began to get angry.

I knew this. I knew this mood. I knew what this meant. This usually happened when she had been thinking a lot and wanted to get out of her head. But it wasn’t always civilized. Sometimes she would get stupid drunk and attack me emotionally with words and sometime physically.

I walked closer to her and bent down to pick up one of the bottles.

 “Put it down!”

She snarled at me as she charged up at me. She stumbled as she found her feet. It was empty and she was drunk.

 “Calm down baby”

I tried to lead her to the couch.

 “No! No! Nooooo!!! Don’t tell me to calm ,… down..sShhh. That’s how you’ll go and marry someone else! No! Not happening! Put a fucking baby in me Marcel!!!!”

I was already at my limit; tired and frustrated. I didn’t know when I snapped back and said

 “I did! 3 times already! Not my fault they never stayed!”

I looked at her. Her eyes cleared. There was a deafening silence as her heart shattered. I knew I had messed up as the words left my mouth.  Fuck!

Without saying a word, she headed for the bedroom. I turned around and picked up my briefcase and my coat. I walked out of the house and into my car.

About 30minutes later, I was letting myself into my room. I sat on the perfectly laid bed and stared at the in house menu. I had no appetite but I knew I had to eat as I hadn’t all day. I reached for the phone and placed my order. Dropping the phone, I sat back on the bed and stared at the fridge while my mind raced.

“How did I get here? How did I become this guy?”

I thought to myself and then I was covered in anger and disappointment. I got up and emptied the mini bar in my fridge into my system. I was now buzzed. I was heading to my bed to lay down when I heard a knock on the door. I stopped in my tracks and stared at the door for a bit while my body tried to stay still.

I made my way to the door and slowly opened it. It was Cynthia.

 “What took you so long?”

She asked as she pushed me into the room. She came up close to me and gently whispered.

 “Did you miss me?”

I said yes as I lay on the bed and she climbed on me…. I placed my hands on her catching a short view of my wedding ring… Sigh.

It all got hot, really hot, really fast.

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Lookout for Part 2 of TRAPPED next Saturday

© 2014 #WhatTheHeckMan

 

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Undercover Player 2

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@adewus4real #WhatTheHeckMan

“Cast”

“True love” (Anna)

Long distance friend (Fara)

The crazy one (Jessica)

The weekend girl (Zoe)

My actual woman (Sarah)

“Hey Anna… How are you?” I heard Sarah say. I was still drying myself off in the bathroom and my eyes grew big. She’d answered the call?

“Oh, I’m good. And you?”  Anna responded.

“Is Zane home? I just wanted to ask him something really quickly” she continued.

“He’s just getting out the shower” Sarah said with a smile, “I’ll have him call you later.”

Called ended…

She turned towards me and said one word, ‘explain.’

I told her some calculated story of how Anna, now an investment banker, wanted some information about my bank because she was advising a client on investments or something like that. Sarah bought it but I could tell she was still irritated.

Sarah and Anna used to be acquaintances a while back. I was still dating Anna and around that time when a mutual friend introduced us to Sarah. They became social media and texting friends (the definition of friendships today) but when Anna and I broke up, one thing led to another and Sarah and I became involved. I don’t think Anna resents Sarah for getting involved with me, I just think she expected more from us but what is loyalty in this world today?

There seems to be an awkward tension between the two of them whenever they’re in the same area together, but they have always seemed to stay respectful and cordial towards each other.

Sarah and I finished planning our upcoming getaway, we needed one because I was carrying a lot of emotional baggage and Sarah just needed a break. Tickets bought! Time to step away from all the madness. It was going to be a busy but good week, or so I thought.

.   .   .   .   .

 

I was in bed on Skype with Anna on what I believe was a Tuesday evening.

“It’s going to be okay…You’ll always have me here” she said.

On face value, that sounds like the typical break up line but it was her giving me all her love as I cried my eyes out. She got me. She was the only one that I could show this side of me. Well one other person but she was thousands of miles away. She always gave me all her love, yet I broke up with her to go and “find myself.” Ladies, if a man ever says he wants to break up to find himself, tell him okay but you’ll be the one holding the flashlight trailing him as he journeys to find himself. For some men, that line is a classic cop out of whatever they have but I really wanted to find myself though… Instead I found Sarah.

Anna never left though. She had been with me through everything and I mean everything! I was not a man when I met her. I was a young boy trying to find his way. Anna was a year older than me but we got on perfectly. She knew me before the “come up.” Before the confidence, money and new-found attention from women. I was sitting there pouring out my heart to her.

Anna and I met when I was trying to come to terms with myself, and who I wanted to be in the near future. We became really close and she knew me inside out and it was only right that when I fell for someone, I fell for her.

My mother and I had been clashing; I carried a bit of resentment towards her. She was too busy doing the work of the church that she’d missed me growing up, leaving me in the care of someone that violated me for years. I remember the lady she had employed to take care of me; a much older lady at the time.  She would deprive me of food and threaten to not take me places unless I did sinful things with her. I was probably about 9 or 10 at the time. I sometimes think I should have known better. I should have spoken up or did something but I was scared. I have blamed myself many times for the things that happened to me during that three-year period but could I really have known better? Wasn’t it the job of my parents to protect me?

It was the love I had for Anna that repaired my relationship with my globe-trotting evangelic mother. Anna showed me what it felt like to be loved whole heartedly and I began to warm up to my mother but every so often, I would drift back into this dark place. The one I have been in for the past few months now. Anna is the definition of the love I want in life, I’ve seen it before and felt it. I let it go with good intentions but if I could, I would get her; my one true love back and let her love envelope me again because I sure can do with it these days.

Highlighting my new dilemma, Zoe (nursing student/weekend girl) just texted me.

“Sushi?”

I was hungry, tired and frankly just being lazy skyping with Anna. I considered saying no but instead I responded with;

“Sure”

I asked her to text me the address of wherever she wanted to grab dinner. I sluggishly got dressed and dragged myself into my car. I sat in there for a minute, the key in the ignition and almost talked myself out of going. I eventually did and showed up at dinner that night. I think we had a salad appetizer because I remember her asking the lady to take it back and remove the dressing they had put on it. The conversation was great as usual partly because she was such a brilliant woman. Her smile was a beauty and for some reason I just loved her handbag. She carried that pink thing with her all the time and I loved it.

We talked about everything! From us, to food, our careers and much more; with her I could have a conversation about anything. Many times in hindsight, I asked myself why Zoe and I never really became an item prior to that night and I think it was because of a certain vibe that I got from her. Her parents were well off. Hardworking folks and I always felt she gave off an entitled vibe, like she always got what she needed or wanted. I didn’t have that so I felt like I couldn’t be with her because she wasn’t humble. My view on that has since changed because I’ve gotten to know her better but back then, I think that was the reason we had minimal contact and that she was busy or vice versa.

Dinner got wrapped up and I was in a much better mood. I was enjoying her company and didn’t want to go home. I remember how I somehow talked my way into us going to the Marina. We parked our cars next to each other and began walking on the side of the water. It was an absolutely beautiful sight. The lights across the other side of the lake were lit and planes flew closely over our heads to the nearby airport while we walked alongside the water talking about everything and nothing. I was really into her and from what I’ve told you so far one would think that I was into every woman, but the truth was I loved a few and could not trust many of them. The hurtful things that I’d experienced as a young boy in the hands of that lady who repeatedly raped me for three years, and later my cousin down the road would also abuse my trust in the same way which made it impossible for me to trust women anymore.

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I only trusted one…Anna, and even with her I sometimes had my doubts. Zoe and I took seats on the docks; they were rocking back and forth as we sat down on them. Surrounded by water, in the dark with just enough lighting from the corner of the parking lot in a distance we held each other and talked away. Midway into our conversation, we noticed a raccoon walking on the rock and coming towards us. Zoe began to freak out. I remember telling her to calm down and sit still. We both sat still but it kept coming closer. I told her if it passed a certain point, we were both going to run off the docks and into safety as fast as we could. Luckily, it went away. We both took that as our cue from Mother Nature to leave and so we did. Hand in hand, we walked back to the parking lot and I got in her car. We sat there talking some more. It was one of those nights where you just didn’t want it to end.  Somehow we got to her reading my poetry pieces off my phone and I remember her asking me to create something on the spot. I leaned in and closely placed my mouth right next to her ear, asking her to close her eyes whilst I began reciting as softly as possible. Zoe loved when I read poetry directly into her ears. I wasn’t exactly sure why but she did. The heat built up between us as I continued;

“…Bring your body over here

 Lay it down

Like a burnt offering

I’ll enjoy you

Like I’ve been suffering

From your toes, to your neck

I’ll travel your body

Your moans as my compass

I’ll cover every ground

Kiss every corner

Drink all you have                            

I hate to waste it

Give me more baby

Take all of me inside you

Dig into my back

Whisper into my ears

Tell me how you want it

I won’t stop you

I’m here to pleasure you

But first I’ll devour you…”

 

Her breathing was shorter and faster as her heart paced. I was done talking but she was still breathing fast like she was expecting me to say more. I stopped talking and pulled her in close to me with my right hand. With my left hand, I moved her hair out of the way and began kissing her neck. She was moaning gently as I placed my lips on hers and began kissing her passionately. I had all my love to express. All my feelings in those kisses; her lips were soft and sweet. I tasted her strawberry lip-gloss as I devoured her lips and abruptly I pulled away. I leaned back in the passenger’s seat and motioned at her to come. She hesitated like she was not sure she wanted to do this or at least do it there but then she climbed over. She sat on my laps. Her legs were on either side of me while I continued kissing her. She was holding my head; my absolute favourite spot was behind my head. She was making me feel like ripping her clothes off her. Things were moving fast and it was getting hotter in the car.

My hands began working their way to push her panties aside. I thought to myself, she was not a ‘have sex in the car’ type of girl but this was a moment that wasn’t scripted and it felt just right. She stopped me in the middle of a kiss and looked at me as if trying to make sure we were on the same page, and then she leaned back in and kissed me. I knew it meant go. I kept kissing her as I pulled out my package from my pants. It was hard and ready to go great places. I slid her panties to the side in the process getting some of her wetness on my fingers. I moved the finger to my mouth and sucked all her juices off my fingers. The sight of it drove her wild. I proceeded to slide my manhood inside her… She gasped! Slowly, I began to work her body up and down on my member. She kept her eyes glued to me. The glass was completely fogged up. The pace gradually picked up and I began to drive all of me into her like I had told her I would. She was moaning and digging her hands into my back. I just wanted to give her everything I had. She kicked her head back and I pulled her hair just to keep her head in the same position. I thrust upwards searching her insides as her juices flowed down onto my package and subsequently my pants staining them. We kept at it for a short while and then she began riding me faster as she neared her threshold. Her moaning sounds were driving me closer to my climax but I did not want to explode yet; at least not now but she was ready. She was throwing her pussy back onto my member as she neared her climax and then it came… she came! A few seconds later I had to push her off as I spurted out all I had in me. I cleaned up as I looked over to her and we both smiled. It was hard to find the words to follow up; just smiles. It was 3am and too late for her to go home. We spent the night in that car. Don’t ask me how we slept but we did albeit uncomfortably but it was definitely a memorable night.

. . . . . .

I left that parking lot at the Marina and headed straight to work stopping by my gym to freshen up and change my shirt. I was having a great day. The type you have when you’ve had great morning sex. I was responding emails with “Splendid morning to you!” and I even let someone cut me off on the way to work without losing my temper. I swear it was great. And then…. Yes go ahead and say it. I received that call. It was from Jessica; crazy Jessica! Every bit of happiness I had seemed to have had disappeared by the end of the call.

She had a special way of sucking out all of my joy but her pussy had a way of giving me another type of satisfaction. I thought she was just calling to inform me that she was in town and wanted to have sex, but what she dropped on me was the most unexpected bit of news I’d heard since I was told Michael Jackson died. It was something serious and far from just being a booty call! Jessica told me she was in town and that she hadn’t gotten her period for a full week. Apparently from her calculations she might be pregnant and I was the last one she had sex with in the last 3 months. I knew that was a lie but I was in too much shock to argue. Yes, no one can be trusted.  She said she would come over to my house that evening to talk and she hung up.

I was in shock. What the hell just happened?

I had to leave work early. I headed home… confused, angry, scared and just worried.

Was I about to be a father? What would I tell my parents?

Was my mother, the head of a church going to be given a grandchild out of wedlock?

Was I really going to ruin my mother’s ministry because of some unstable girl?

I stopped by the nearby grocery and picked up a pregnancy test and headed home. I was uncomfortable pacing around my apartment. I needed to calm down. I poured myself a glass of Jack and sat anxiously, waiting for her to show up. I clutched the pregnancy test in my hand… I was nervous. That fateful night kept replaying in my head. I remember we were having sex and I was about to cum when she held me by my tie and told me to keep going and in her words, “shoot every drop inside me.” She told me that she was on the pill. Why did I believe her? I was so angry with myself. She had me clipped in when I let my seed loose into her. I was sure that the devil was trying to get me for all the evil things I had done. Of all the amazing women in my life, why was it this one that had to become pregnant?

I needed to calm down!!

That was when I thought to call Fara. Fara was the long distance girl. She was just perfect. Everything was perfect about her except for the fact that she lived thousands of miles away. She truly cared about me. The only person that came close to how she cared about me was Anna. I would spend countless hours late into the nights talking to her and even though she was hours ahead of me, she would stay up. I told her about Jessica. It was before I met Fara so she understood and actually felt for me. She did her best to calm me down with her gentle voice and adorable giggle. I remember it being just like when we first met. We had been at the airport, our flights delayed. She looked tired and couldn’t wait to get on the plane. I remember approaching her and starting up a conversation. The rest they say is history. She has worried about me beyond my comprehension and has always been there for me even when I acted like I didn’t need her. I needed her more than ever now.

Fara was able to convince me that everything would be alright, advising me to breathe and calm down which I did. She had completely taken my mind off the issue when I heard a knock on the door. I ended the call and let Jessica in. I handed the pregnancy test to her and pointed her to the bathroom. She looked at me with a smirk on her face and said, “No hug or kiss… All because of a small pregnancy?”

I glared at her with my glassy eyes as she walked into the bathroom. The pregnancy test included two tests and I asked her to take both. It seemed like forever. Heaven only knows how many times I had died in the 5 minutes it took her to come out. I just sat there and continued to worry. My dreams? My goals? I wanted to see the world, what would happen to them now?

Why was she taking forever? I paced around the room waiting for her. My glass of Jack Daniel’s was running low, I was too tense to pour the rest. After what seemed to be as long as the Cold War, she stepped out with the first stick and it was negative. She was not pregnant! I was slightly relieved but I asked her to take the second one just to be safe. She rolled her eyes, complained that I didn’t trust her and went back to take the other one.

Same result.

I was glad! I poured the emptied the rest of the bottle into my glass and began to down it. I was definitely going to be drunk now. And then it all turned, she looked at me and said “Sooo… since I’m not pregnant, can we have sex now?”

What?! With my emotions running high, I was so confused and turned on at the same time. It was an understatement to call this woman crazy. She was the definition of functionally mad. I asked her to leave. She turned and looked at me. In a controlled movement, she walked towards me and said;

“Zane, if you don’t fuck the shit out of me right now… You’ll wish I was pregnant so I could spare your life to take your child support!”

I was stunned. Tipsy but I was sure my eyes cleared up and my dick stood up. I was going to break her!

I grabbed her and pushed her up against the wall. I stood behind her leaning into her and asked her if she just threatened me. She said yes claiming she would do it again. My breath reeked of alcohol as I yelled at her. I pushed her tighter up against the wall and spread her legs apart. Ripping her underwear off, I got down on my knees and put my tongue into her now hot and wet pink. She was moaning like crazy and I loved it. I was like a hungry savage, the way I’d covered my face in her wetness. I spread her ass cheeks wider as I let my tongue search her insides with much focus. I threw her onto the bed and clumsily reached for the handcuffs. Behind her back, I cuffed both hands together. I slid my rock hard manhood inside her from the back. She let out a loud moan and tried to wiggle her way into a more comfortable position. I did not care… Even if it hurt her, she was going to feel this heat. I was thrusting in and out of her with such anger and determination to make her feel something. She was moaning and taunting me asking for more and I duly obliged. I leaned forward grabbing her hair and with a handful in my hand; I drove deeper and deeper inside her. Jessica began to yell that she was going to cum and that I should keep going but I knew I didn’t have it in me to last that much longer. I looked at my reflection in the mirror at the foot of the bed and encouraged myself to keep going. I kept going till she became completely silent and then she let out the loudest moan I had ever heard from a woman. I was partly in shock but I pulled out of her and spurted out all of my seed onto her butt right in front of me. I got up and staggered into the bathroom, leaving her sprawling in the bed with her hands still cuffed behind her back. I turned the faucet on and dabbed some water on my face. I looked up at the man in the mirror and whispered, “Who are you?”

I had begun this roller coaster ride to find myself but I had become this calculated hoe and quite frankly an Undercover Player because I knew what I was doing for the most part. I washed my eyes and head again this time looking closely into the mirror. I was never actually going to find myself if I kept letting mediocrity like Jessica find me. I returned to the room and said,

“You need to leave…NOW!”

Jessica rolled over and smiled. “Sure… right after you take these cuffs off me.” I took them off and she picked her things to leave. She got to the door and turned around saying;

“Call me?”

I hesitated before saying, “no…”

She smiled and cunningly said, “We’ll see about that”

I sighed and closed the door. This was definitely not going to be easy at all.

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