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⟹ ⟹ ⟹ PLAY THE SONG BEFORE YOU READING.
Faaji ft. OC Nicotine by Chordratic Beats
I thought Jae had missed the awkward exchange between us but apparently she hadn’t.
“Do you guys know each other?”
She said with a smile on her face clearly oblivious to what was happening or so I thought. With both of us shaking our heads, I responded
“No, we don’t. She looks familiar though”
It was a lie. A clear one that I think Jae must have seen through but I couldn’t have risked the truth at that moment.
She giggled and said to Nia
“Marcel knows just about everyone, it’s actually quite stressful.”
I knew she was only teasing but a part of me felt like she said that particular sentence to reach out for a slip up. I stood firm and smiled back. Nia looked at my father in disgust and then at me, she excused herself and walked out. My eyes had followed her as she walked out. When she was out of sight, I turned back around and caught the glare from Jae. She sensed something.
There had been something off about me since I returned from the hospital. I had been trying to keep it under wraps hoping that Jae wouldn’t find out about it. I was still in shock, replaying the face I saw at the hospital over and over. It really was her and I could not believe it. I did not know what to do and my father, the man who never thought any problem was unsolvable, admitted we had a problem. I was confused and powerless.
I remember sitting at my dining table alone thinking,
“I thought she moved?”
“I thought she lived in a different state”
“How did she get so far up in the same town and I never noticed her?”
I had to talk to her. I just had to.
Jae was scheduled to be discharged after observation that day. Due to the many times we had lost babies, we had agreed that she needed to have a therapist. Dr Yeung had been working with her for about a year now and I felt he was a sort of calming influence for her. Jae respected him and valued his help. My bank account respected the importance of the need, so it never complained.
I got to the hospital in the late afternoon after leaving work early that day. I walked in and headed to Jae’s floor. Her appointment with Dr. Yeung was scheduled to end at 5pm, so I had about 45 minutes to find Nia and talk to her. I asked for her at the floor’s receptionist desk and they called and asked for her to come down. I sat impatiently in the lobby waiting for her. I was nervous and unsure about how this was all going to go down. A few minutes later, I heard her arrive next to me.
She wore glasses now but back in the day, she didn’t. She slowly took them off and asked,
“What do you want?”
I picked up on the hint of disgust and resentment in her voice. I slowly stood up and in a lowered voice, I asked,
“Can we please speak in private?”
She rolled her eyes and sighed.
She responded as she led me towards an open hospital room down a few doors down. She walked in before me and I walked in and closed the door behind us. I stood there and she had this expecting look on her face to urge me to start talking. I took a deep breath in and began to speak;
“Nia, I don’t even know where to start. It’s been so long and I don’t know what happened between us after that night. I had so much to explain. One moment we were something and the next we were gone….”
She cut me out mid statement and said,
“Look Marcel, you look like you have done well for yourself and that’s great but after what you and your family put me through back then, I don’t want to have anything to do with you. And I have nothing to say to you. I will be as professional as possible with your wife but I do not want to speak to you. So if you would excuse me, I have patients to attend to”
She stormed out of the room and slammed the door shut. My biggest fear had been realized. This encounter had gone sour and now she was mad at me. Nia from back then held grudges and that obviously hadn’t changed. I deserved every bit of it though; I had messed up back then big time. And I obviously hadn’t been forgiven. It’s not only the sins of the father’s that live on after them, sometimes it’s the sins of the man himself that will haunt him.
My heart sunk into my stomach and a cloud of darkness seemed to cover the room. I took a deep breath and opened the door, walking into the bright lights in the hospital hallways.
I entered Jae’s hospital room and Nia was already there. Jae still unassuming to my understanding, Nia was talking to her about ways to continue to take care of herself. Jae was already on a strict diet and on a bunch of pills to support the process and the help with the constant blood loss she had. Dr Yeung said his goodbyes, shook my hand and walked out. Nia finished up as Jae who was sitting at the foot of the bed, thanked her and got up. We walked out together, Nia walking behind us. We stepped outside the room, headed to the left and down the hall. I turned around and caught a glimpse of Nia standing in the hallway behind us. She had a look of sadness in her eyes. She quickly turned around with her head bowed. I was sure I had hurt that woman.
. . . . . .
Lust or Love – Tay
It had been two weeks since the hospital and I hadn’t been able to shake the thought of Nia out of my head. This particular day I was in my office, it was a Saturday when the rest of my staff was gone. The way I was, whenever I had something not work related weighing on my mind, I would immerse myself in work till it was all I thought about. I just couldn’t leave the room to think about other things that continued to depress and confuse. I had left many texts on Nia’s phone, a number I had illegally retrieved online. There were no replies.
I turned my chair around deep in thought, papers all over my conference table with a jug of water I had been drinking from. It was full when I walked in, now almost empty. I stared out the window into the hills. The day was beautiful outside but my heart; covered in darkness.
I met Nia in my freshman year of college in one of my sociology classes. It was filled with girls but she stood out to me. She was smart, witty and she had an amazing sense of humor. I gradually moved seats as class sessions went by until I was seated close enough to her. I would eventually talk to her and even had the final group project with her which we obviously smashed out the park. We rocked together. We were both young and new to it all. Enjoying the experience with her was fun.
When I decided to pledge, she thought it would be a good idea to join a fraternity with connections post-graduation to set me up in the future. She was a little disappointed when I ended up picking what was notoriously known to be a party house.
Nia and I weren’t together officially at the time I found I was going to be accepted to join the fraternity. Part of the pledging process was that I had to come up with money to throw a huge summer party and by the end of the night; I had to have sex with a girl on the bed they gave me on top of the fraternity’s custom made sheets. It seemed fairly simple and straightforward, my father was well to do and I had Nia. We had been having sex for about a month and feelings were already there, it was just a matter of the right time to make it official.
The night of the pledging, they blindfolded all of us. They drove us to a spot approximately 12 minutes away from campus to a causeway. We got out of the cars and the blind folds were lifted. We were directed to use some big rocks on the ground to write out the name of our fraternity. It was noticeable from the freeway next by. We then returned downtown in the city where our school was located. We tagged some buildings with graffiti and then headed back to the house.
It was around midnight and people were beginning to fill up the house. I headed to my room and showered. I came down about 30 minutes later and Nia showed up soon after. After the step show, chanting and the speech by the “brother” (the head of our fraternity) welcoming us all, the party was on. Drinks were everywhere, drugs were everywhere, girls were everywhere and sex floated in the air. About an hour later, Nia and I were high and drunk, her a bit more than I. We headed towards my room. A high five from one of my fellow pledges and we were soon on my bed. I was fondling her, nervously kissing her and laughing midway through.
I cupped her breasts in my hands and squeezed while my mouth searched her body. I was nervous and naïve. I didn’t even wonder if they were recording the whole thing. The sex was average at best. I don’t know if it was because we were under the influence but it was done in mere minutes. Not two, a prime number greater than five and less than 11.
I got up and stumbled to the bathroom to take off the condom. I had this weird check I performed back then with condoms to ensure they never broke. I would fill them with water and squeeze the water around it. Think water balloons. I was going to make sure I wasn’t at risk of anything. This particular one wasn’t leaking.
It must have been when the water was running that they came but the sight I came out of the bathroom to would later haunt me for a long time.
I returned from the bathroom and noticed two of my frat brothers on the bed. One was kissing on Nia and the other playing with her privates. I was taken aback. I couldn’t believe it.
One of the head “brothers” came up to me after obviously noticing the shock and confusion on my face. He put his arm around me and said,
“This is not a problem… right?
We all share here. We are all brothers”
I wanted to fit in so bad and that night I made the most cowardly decision I have ever made as a man. As one of the guys wanted to violate Nia with his privates, the “brother” still standing next to me with his hand on my shoulder said,
“This shouldn’t be that bad. She’ll enjoy it. He’s good. After all, she isn’t your girl right?”
There was a window right there for me to stop this all. I looked up at him, it was as if my answer had to be perfect. I looked down and said nothing, just shook my head conveying “no”.
Nia was under the influence but I knew she could feel things and she knew it wasn’t right but she couldn’t fight back. There I was, worried about the wrong things. Vain things and I was hurting the woman that I cared about. That wasn’t me, it was the man I was becoming and I had to stop that guy but I didn’t quickly enough.
They made me stand there and watch the whole thing. I stood there and fought back tears. Nia was turning and would make out a period to keep her eyes open to look at me. It was a begging look. Pleading with me to make it stop but I did nothing. I just watched. I watched just to fit in. I let my morals slip away.
When it was over, a short but damaging 16 minutes, another set of brothers came in and cleaned Nia up. It seemed like they had been used to this. It felt like a cleanup to prevent the drugged girl from knowing what had happened. The rest of the night was a horrible blur. I never heard from Nia again. She dropped out of the school shortly after and I heard she moved out of the country about two months later. The other cowardly thing I did was not attempt to find her before she left. She wasn’t staying at her parents but I should have still tried harder.
The sins of a man. This secret had me trapped for years. I never thought it would surface and now it was breaking my heart. The things that happened that night to me and to Nia had weighed so much on my current life and I didn’t know it.
National Sexual Assault Hotline – 1.800.656.HOPE
“A bystander to evil that does nothing is just as responsible for the evil. Do something. Speak up”
I thought to myself as I came back from my memories and my cell phone buzzed again. It was Jae. I wiped the tears off my face, cleared my throat and answered.
. . . . .
Jae was outside my office building. She had returned from her wedding and decided to surprise me. This was the worst day that this could have happened.
I straightened myself out and headed for the front door. Letting her in, I gave her a hug as she gripped me tight. Her red covered lips planted a huge kiss on my lips. She looked amazing. She was a wearing a white and black stripped dress, knee length, with pink pumps and her blue clutch. I was pretty sure a few years back, I would have feasted her up before she left the house looking that good.
“How’s the work going my hardworking superman?”
She smiled as she sat on the conference table.
“It’s going baby. How was the wedding?”
“Oh the wedding was fine but forget the wedding. I had an idea while I was waiting outside. We haven’t had sex at this new office since your company moved some years back. I want you to fuck me all over this table”
This was the freaky Jae talking. She was going for it.
She seemed very up for great sex at the moment but I was worried in my head that I would not be able to get my member up.
There was just something about her in heels. I scanned down at her legs and I somehow got turned on. My member slowly began to rise. She leaned back and pulled her dress up, revealing her dark blue lace panties. I knew it was about to go down. She spread her legs, licked her fingers and slowly moved them from her mouth to her lips down south.
“Are you going to take them off or…?”
She snapped the lining of her underwear. I reached in, still seated and pulled off her panties. Wet.
I licked my lips and looked up at her. She had this look of anticipation, waiting for my warm tongue to touch her wet pussy.
This was crazy! But it was happening and anyone that has ever had sex at their workplace would tell you the same. Well you should never tell anyone that before your ass gets fired. Back to #WhatTheHeckMan series…
I leaned in and French kissed her lips. They kissed back. Wet, they covered my lips with their juices. My tongue went searching inside their cabin and my beard was now getting covered in her showers. Her back was arched all the way; her braids hitting the table. She scratched the table looking for a grip. Nothing.
I absolutely enjoyed feasting on her body. My left fingers still playing with her right nipple as my tongue paced back and forth on her clit. I stuck two fingers into her. It was hot in there. My fingers as they worked in and out like an oil rig shaft continued to get covered in wetness.
I was ready and about to get up when she rose and pushed me down. She got on her knees and took me into her mouth. There was something about the way she sucked on the rod, working both her lips and hands at the same time. It was perfection.
She made it wet. Nasty wet.
Slobbering all over it. Spit covered, my member throbbed hard. I was clutching the handles on the seats trying to maintain composure as best as I could. She was getting me close and I wasn’t afraid either. I wanted to get this first one out of the way, so we could enjoy the rest of the party together.
I placed my right hand on her head, holding it down as I neared that climax. It was going to be a full load, I could feel it in my balls.
“Yess… Yess… Arghhhh!!!”
I let out the grunts as I shot my load into the back wall of her wanting mouth. She swallowed.
Licked her lips and got up. She pulled my chair that had been moved back while I came close to the desk, she turned around and before my member had time to drop its head and go sad she got it happy and slid on it. It was so warm in there!
I could feel my shaft throbbing as she worked her way up and down. She was moaning loudly. There was just something about this encounter. She wanted this bad!
She placed her hands on her head and she bounced up and down on my dick. I held her at her waist to help guide her along. I could tell she was nearing her climax. I got up, without pulling out of her, bent her over the desk and gripped her waist really tightly.
My thrusts were harder, you could almost say angrier. I was hitting it hard. In and out. Her moans were now many times louder and here we were in my office, windows open and asses hanging out.
“Cum for me dadddyyy… Shooot that shit inside me!”
Thrust. Thrust. Thrust.
“Oh shit!. Oh shit”
Was mostly what she was saying and then it happened. The full load.
All inside her, I clutched her waist really close and empty my barrel into her warm wetness. She turned around with the biggest smile on her face. Half of it was surprise at the fact that we just did that at my place of work and the other half was that it was amazing.
She leaned into me and kissed me on the cheek and then whispered in my ear while grabbing my shaft and rolled my balls in her hands,
“He should get ready for round two when we get home”
I smiled. It was on.
Because of her, I had forgotten about all my other problems. It felt great to just have her. She led the way out as I watched her sway from left to right while I armed the building’s alarm system. She always looked like a Queen. Part two was definitely going to happen.
. . . . . .
Our lives had finally settled down after the last miscarriage or so it seemed. I had begun to worry less about Nia. I was resigned to the fact that I just might not have been able to fix that. And she barely told me much so what was I even trying to fix?
I pulled into the drive way that evening and there was a car parked in my parking spot next to my wife’s car. I was a bit irritated because it meant that I had to park my car on the street and I would have to come back outside to move it again before the garbage trucks came by in the morning. I was tired.
I stepped out of the car and headed for the rear of the car. The trunk was already opened; I reached for laptop bag and grabbed my running shoes with my index and thumb fingers on my left hand. Using the base of my left hand, I closed the trunk and headed towards the house. I arrived at the door and struggled to let myself in with all the things in my hands. I eventually got in.
The second living area was the first thing you saw when you walked into our house and then her kitchen, after turning the corner, you then had a clear sight towards the main living room in the house with most of the bedrooms upstairs. I could hear Jae talking to someone but couldn’t really make out who it was and I really didn’t care. I just wanted to hit the shower, eat some dinner and knock out.
I let out my usual phrase when Jae didn’t physically see me when I came home. Coming around the corner, headed for the living room, I said,
“Hey mama, I’m home”
I turned into the living room. I stopped in my tracks. My brain went into overdrive. The television was on; food network. There were glasses of water on the coffee table on top of coasters like Jae always wanted. The perfectly lit and spaced room suddenly felt smaller. I could feel my heart playing catch up with the rest of my body. I felt like I was going to faint. I hated being blindsided, I still do. I noticed her handbag leaning on the couch next to her. I noticed her blue pumps, crossed over each other. My eyes were picking up on everything as they searched for answers. My eyes had torn the whole room about apart but I had not moved a single inch. And then Jae broke the silence. She stood up and almost fighting back tears, she said,
“You’re a rapist?! You raped her?!!”
The tears started to flow. My heart began to shatter into tiny little pieces. I could feel them drop onto the floor with all the tension in the air and silence in the room. I wasn’t exactly sure what to say. I know I needed to say something but nothing came out.
I was in shock… Double shock! I was still holding it together until Jae said these next words which snatched out my heart and crushed it.
“You are a sick bastard and I never want to have anything to do with you.”
Nia had gotten up at this point; bag in hand and was ready to leave. Jae walked her towards the door and a few minutes out. I was glued to the spot; literally. So many questions raced through my head and I struggled to find answers. It felt like a movie or a very bad prank that was perfectly executed. I finally was able to move. My mouth was dry, heart racing and palms sweaty.
I tried to make sense of it all. I tried to find the words, all that came to mind was….
Help me say it!!!!!!!!!!, #WhatTheHeckMan!!!!!
Come back for the concluding Part 4 next week. It promises to be epic. Trust me! Leave me a comment….
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Lookout for Part 4 of TRAPPED next Saturday
© 2014 #WhatTheHeckMan