Category: #WordsofWednesday

#WordsofWednesday · Art · Drama · Life · Poetry · Uncategorized

My Story

adewus4real23 Comments

My Story

IMG_20141001_030715

Follow @adewus4real on  download

You’ll only regret it when I get heartbroken 

 ⟹ ⟹ ⟹ PLAY THE SONG BEFORE YOU START READING

Story by Harrysong aka. Mr Songz


20131225_132445” I grew up watching that television btw… OGTV and Channels… Sighhhh the struggle!”

Barefooted

Shirtless

Rubbing my belly as I had just consumed a ton of carbs with my rice

And don’t forget my plantain

After church every Sunday

I remember running around the compound

Nails and tetanus marred pierced feet

Scarred from playing soccer without cleats

It was the life

 

20131225_162023

“Arriving at my grandpa’s compound in the village was both exciting an nerve wrecking. It meant bangers(knockout), great food and sleeping on a mat”

I remember those long drives to the village

Stuck in the heat and traffic

Pacified with Gala and Fan Yogurt

Strawberry flavored

The Christmas rice was one we savored

I remember playing with the cow before they killed it

Shared to the community members

I felt proud to be from a family like that

 

 20131225_125538

“Believe it or not but I grew up in this room. Sometimes even slept on a mat. The coolest thing about this room, every item in that picture is older than I am.”

I remember when I used to attend primary school

With Okin biscuits in my bag

And wafers as a backup

They usually crushed in my bag

Just like my dreams when my crush completely ignored me

Tears

And then it was break time

I forgot it all

Hanging off the monkey bars with no fears at all

 

 20131225_154111

“President of Ikenne on Twitter was not by accident. I went to Mayflower for 8 years. Primary and part of Secondary. The things I learned about life here have helped shape me.”

Remember those pointless excursions

To the post office

When I never got any mail

Or to the airport

All the schools went through that same plane

But if you missed that trip

Your life was never the same

We joked about teachers

Picked on each other

Fought for our brothers

Stole boys from our sisters

It was growing up

 

20131225_153834

“Church with my grandparents was like the biggest struggle. Anglican folk, I hail thee…”

Fights over bread at the dining

To miming

At social nights

Wanting to contain my hard on with all my might

While I tried to grind on her like I was sly

But the trouble I entered

Wahali

It wasn’t worth it

I remember “The Walkman”

Or initially saving up money to go to Silverbird

We began to find ourselves

Realizing we had all out lives to mold ourselves

Danfo drivers

Okada riders

Allen Avenue partners

Mothers cheating with vulcanizers

It was all there

And slowly Mr Bigg’s faded

It was barely even there

 

 20131213_180017

I remember my first grown foray into the market

Duped into buying Nike’s

Aba made

The logo actually said Puma

Yet I paid double to that “bruha”

Times

From roll ons to dudu osun soaps

Times

Myths

Vigilantes

Faith

Great escapes

From the hands of agberos

No matter the city

They were ever present

But we got street smart

As we navigated through Walter Carrington Crescent

We battled no light

Heat

Price hikes

School strikes

Abacha died

Obasanjo cried

Obahiagbon lit our entire night

But we came through

 

1387893092405

“Do I have to state how much greatness is in this one picture? Some of it might even be the equivalent of someone’s bride price. Lmaooo I kid o. Or maybe not 👀👀”

Remember Tales by the Moonlight

You watch Super Story

Until you were crossed and your life became an episode

Times

I remember that carefree kid

Singing Trybemen’s

Not a care for the squares

Or the Bizzy Bodies

I miss that guy

I complained about that time

But here am I fairly adjusted

Grown

Taking a moment to slow down

Turning around

To go and fight the boli lady (Boli= roasted plantain. Basically food for the gods.)

She gave me boli but there is no groundnut in my hand

Ojuelegba wole pelu change e (Those going to Ojuelegba, hop into the bus with the denominations because the bus driver might not have change for you)

Remembering my childhood mehn

Mi o le change e! ( I can’t/won’t swap it for anything else!)

 

#WordsofWednesday 

I had written this piece last week as I pondered about my story of who I am and how I became this way. I thought about the different places I’ve lived in, schools I went to. People I met. All of it contributed to who I am today.

It led me to thinking about privilege and the gift we have to “dream”. For many of us, we come from families that even if they didn’t have the resources, they gave us the opportunity to dream and for some, that is more than enough. A lot of kids I work with in the mental health field today are not privileged to dream.

This is piece touched on a little bit of my experiences. Born in America and raised mostly in Nigeria, I was privileged to get the best of both worlds. The street, graft and craft from Nigeria and the confidence to hone and harness it all here in America. It has been interesting to say the least.

I thank my parents and grandparents that raised me for my childhood. They gave me the platform for where I am today. I thank my mom for forcing me to read as a kid; you guys are directly benefitting from that.

Thinking about my story, I thought about how I actually started writing. It was because I liked a girl named A.O in high school. Arts class. Her Twitter handle has “cranberry” in it. I really liked this girl and was willing to do anything for her. I wrote about her extensively and then she curved me. Chai!

It’s okay tho, I dished it right back to her years later as the curve came full circle. But most importantly, you all have her to thank because the feeling I got from that “heartbreak” sparked me to start writing at a young age and here we are. Now she wants me write about her again… Ummmm say it with me!!! What The Heck Man!!! LOL

I never expected to be a writer but 16,000+ views later. I want to thank you all for being so supportive and putting up with my cliffhangers and surprises. I APPRECIATE YOU ALL.

Today, is my Nigeria’s 54th birthday and I feel happy, I fell grateful and I feel fulfilled. LMAOOOO Deadest!

But I want that to motivate us. We are 54 but there is so much work to be done. Yes, many of us have been through struggles growing up but we have become fairly adjusted. It is our job to give back. Write a positive story into a kid in need’s life. Do not be selfish with the great story your parents, friends and country contributed to.

Remember the songs you grew up with, the first cars you rode in, the first time you had Gala or a Christmas where Nepa didn’t take light.

Today, I challenge you to review your story in a more light hearted sense and challenge yourself to write a great story for someone else. It is your #What The Heck Man duty.

Screenshot_2014-09-30-10-16-41

“You ALL know you ate one of these at least once if you grew up in Nigeria. Don’t lie or rat meat will be in your next Gala!”

I want to thank Nigeria for being the amazing place that it is. Even with all its flaws, it is a strong country that is dear to my heart and I hope to one day create a great story for some other children out there.

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, talk to me. Tell me about some of your experiences. Share something you could relate to. And remember to give something back to better the next generation.

Happy 54th birthday Nigeria! I wish you all the best and so much more.

And to all my #WhatTheHeckMan family., I do this for y’all everyday. Thank you for validating me and making me feel grounded and important doing this. YOU ARE ALL AMAZING!

Till the next time you read from me, Blurred 4 on Saturday,

Stay Up!

PLEASE COMMENT.

The End

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for part 4 of Blurred; this Saturday.

© 2014 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WordsofWednesday · Art · Life · Poetry · Uncategorized

Recovery

adewus4real13 Comments

Recovery

IMG_20140317_103420

Follow @adewus4real on  download

You’ll only regret it when I get heartbroken 

 ⟹ ⟹ ⟹ PLAY THE SONG BEFORE YOU START READIN

Conqueror by Mali Music

“I don’t need them”

I truly don’t need them

I can do it all by myself

I tried to continue to convince myself

I was my own island

But even an island is supported by a body of water

Is anyone ever truly alone?

Don’t we all need someone?

 

 

I changed

I lied

I stole

From hearts

I told lies behind people’s backs

I remained difficult

I saw no sense in anyone’s report

I messed up

But I’m not here to make excuses

I’m here to discuss fixes

 

 

I broke relationships

Repeatedly ignored the warnings

That I was a sinking ship

Stubborn

I tried to navigate the waters alone

But all it did was hurt me

Deep

Till I felt it in my bones

Some threw stones

And some left me alone

But you never left me on my own

 

 

You reached out

You took my hand and told me it would be okay

You asked me to have faith and only listen to your word

And the promises that came with your grace

I could feel you pull me up

Suddenly I could feel my heartbeat

After many people pounded it till it stopped

You gave me hope

I found solace in the words you spoke

 

You told me to fix things

And with your redirection

With your mercy

Here I am

Restituting

As crazy as it seems

I’ve found peace

So for many reasons

I want the spirit in me to be perceived right

Because I’m leaving the darkness and walking back to the light

I know temptations will come

And people will try to pull me down

But that’s alright

He’s on my side again

And for their sakes

It’s not even a fair fight

 

 

I knelt at his feet and asked him to forgive me

Like I have many times without ever truly meaning it

And he always has

Like he’s promised

He always will

So today

I’m reaching out to you

To say I’m sorry

Forgive me like a mother would

I changed and now I’m back

I’m not without flaws

And that’s a fact

This is my new journey

My new road

My new direction

With guidance from above

I can’t ask for you to love me

But I want you to know

That I truly love you

 

Every single week, I have the #WordsofWednesday written out and stored in my computer with all my other pieces. But sometimes, I feel something and it changes the direction I want go and the topic I want to post about.

 

Many of you, don’t know me personally but we have similar struggles. About two years ago, I changed. From the super sweet carefree, people loving person. I changed.

I became closed off to new relationships and struggled to forgive as I battled hurt, depression, insecurities, lies, deceit, pain and disappointment. Don’t forget a complete slip in my walk with God. Somehow, he stayed faithful. He always stays faithful, even when I am faithless and unfaithful. I could feel emptiness inside me that I shored up with fake friendships and vain dreams. I could feel myself drift deeper and deeper into a dark place and I truly reached for the wrong people to help me up. I particularly hurt a few people that I know truly cared about me and tried to reach out and help me up. But they are only human.

I could feel the man I wanted to become seem more and more like a distant fantasy. But I held on to hope.

I intentionally broke relationships because of the pain I held. I didn’t punch at a 100% in places I should have. I tried to lie to myself. The easiest person to lie to is you. I say that a lot.

 

Slowly as I continued to feel alone amongst a crowd, I asked him to re-arrest my heart. Put me back on track. I’m thankful to say he did. About a month and half ago, I was heading home from work. The song on the iPod (on shuffle rotation) changed and the song a version popular song struck a cord. Tears.

I felt naked as I pulled over to the side of the freeway. I couldn’t contain it. I could feel his hand peer into my heart and open me up slowly lifting all my pain and hurt away. The tears wiped away the memories of sadness. I could smile again.

I felt like a baby welcomed back by their parent out of love after being grounded for bad behavior.

I tried to fight the feeling but I noticed old habits and feelings trying to weigh me down. Like subs, they came from below and tried to drag me down. I had to stay strong and continue to build the new version of me.

One key thing that came from the “new” me was the need to restitute and fix some of the relationships I broke; intentionally or unintentionally. So I reached out to people, some answered and some didn’t. Some forgave where others held on to the pain I caused them BUT I FELT TRUE PEACE.

 

Today I challenge you, more than ever to search you. To search the depths of you heart. I ask you to be honest with yourself. Are there grudges you’re still holding on to? People you cannot forgive? Friends you don’t want to be the one to apologize to?

Think of the weight it places on you. I had to reach deep and forgive someone who took my innocence at a very young age. Huge for me but each person is unique.

 

Who do you need to call? What Facebook requests do you need to accept? Who do u need to unblock on your phone so you can accept their apology? Oh he broke, your heart? Let him go. She left you for your friend? Let her go. Let it go in your heart. He gave me another opportunity to feel “free”. You deserve one too or deserve to give them one too.

 

I ask you to view both sides of the coin, who do you need to forgive and who needs to forgive you?

It is very easy to remain a victim to hurt, pain and sadness. Restitute where you can or facilitate forgiveness where you can.

 

Today I ask you to take a stance, and not be a victim to hurt, pain or darkness anymore.

 

PLEASE COMMENT.

The End

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for part 3 of Blurred; this Saturday.

© 2014 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WordsofWednesday · Uncategorized

Reflections

adewus4real6 Comments

Reflections

BxyLk4PCUAAZzEK

Follow @adewus4real on  download

You’ll only regret it when I get heartbroken 

 ⟹ ⟹ ⟹ PLAY THE SONG BEFORE YOU START READING

Photograph by Ed Sheeran

When we started it was you

When I had you

My dreams came true

Step by step

I fell for you

Before I knew it

My world was only you

Soon you became the reasons for my smile

Whenever I came around you

My self-doubt died

We grew closer and closer

Attention from other folks

I told them not to bother

Our love grew stronger

My heart grew fonder

All I wanted was you

All I saw when I looked at me was you

Even now the mirror got smeared

The picture tainted

We began to fight instead

I could look at you and want peace

But slowly we became selfish

Nobody really gave a shit

Time and time again

We claimed to put each other first

Fact of the matter is

We’re innately selfish wanted out agendas

First

Zone to a time when I held my tongue

There was a time when our love was so strong

We feared no one

Now we’re getting ready for a wedding

And can’t agree on our song

We’ve changed

The things about myself I used to see in you

I now hate

Your feelings of sadness

Choose to not engage or relate

Now you can’t stand me

You don’t even want the free food on our date

Zeal to be better

You used to forgive

I used to forget

Now you’re sitting all alone

Full of regret

Our fights lasted a day

Now I’m out picking my mail

And we haven’t spoken for two Saturdays

My heart aches

Sleepless nights and regular headaches

I miss you

But I’m too stubborn to admit

That I need you

You know I love you

But whenever you upset me now

I want nothing to do with you

I have one foot out of the door

I complain and I don’t put in any effort

Not enough

Not anymore

My heart is sore

And I don’t want to cry or argue anymore

But I’m stuck on you

I’m in love with you

I want no one but you

But why do you want to leave me so much

When you know you’re the only reflection that true

You love me

But you don’t truly forgive me

You say mean things to me

You only remember the hurt I’ve made you feel

Unhealthy

You’re the reflection of me

When I’m happy you are too

When I’m sad

Now It’s because of you

Petty arguments you let divide us

Fights are what define us

If you wanted and truly loved me

You’ll wake up

Now paper over the cracks with make up

You make me happy

But why is it that you want to leave this

So eagerly

Our mirror is cracking

I can no longer see me

My vision is blurred

I can hardly see “we”

I wrote the reflection thinking about you. Yes you.

I was thinking about relationships and how a partner begins to reflect you. You both come into as “individuals” and slowly over time, you become closer and closer. You begin to share experiences, dreams, views and then before you know it, the person becomes a reflection of you. You used to enjoy watching your shows alone but then you meet them and now you have more fun enjoying it with them. You used to buy shoes and clothes by yourself but now all of a sudden, the ones he buys for you carry so much more value.

You were always a go-getter but now you are thrilled by the prospect of building and empire with your partner.

Without consciously asking you or requesting permission, they become your reflection. You go out without your partner and they don’t ask how you’re doing. They ask “how/where is so so and so?”. Completely ignoring your identity. Believe it or not, it’s because they have merged you two into one because you know reflect each other.

Over time the arguments get longer. Pettier.

You used to want to make up that night and you couldn’t imagine your partner mad at you. Now there is a lot of “I don’t care”, “Why am I still here?”

I know a woman who has broken up with her boyfriend 22times!!!! There are deeper issues there but let’s focus on the task at hand instead.

It’s because you’ve forgotten. You’ve forgotten that your partner is a reflection of you. How many of you can lay in bed next to raging partner and be at ease?

When your boyfriend has a long day at work that stresses him, he comes home unhappy. You become his source of happiness pulling from the things that he has shared with you that makes him happy.

You couldn’t stand to see your woman cry before, now she’s in tears and you act cold. Because you have forgotten how much the happiness you derive from her being happy and what it means to you.

Why do we do that? To our best friends, to our parents, to our partners.

Why do we discount the relationships and act like we don’t care anymore?

Especially when we really do. Do not lose the value of the people that love you. Do not forget how much of yourself reflects through them.

I ask you today to be slow to anger, be quick to remember what it is about them that you love. Remember what it is that made you one. Friends, lovers, life partners. Do you think they’ve changed? Honestly, it’s almost always because some element of you has changed too. Have you changed?

I noticed in my relationships that I changed, certain factors influence me and then I start to act out. I start to pull back or not give enough effort. But I sometimes have to check myself.

Are you the same “base” of the person you were when y’all became friends? Lovers?

What do you now reflect?

Who do u need to call? What do you need to fix?

Any relationships hanging in the balance that you have to fix? Don’t stay angry. Fix it. Or at least clean the mirror. Help both of you see a clear picture

Love them and communicate, don’t lose something you truly love. All that comes next is regret.

PLEASE COMMENT!!!! I NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING

The End

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for part 2 of Blurred; this Saturday.

© 2014 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WordsofWednesday · Art · Drama · Life · Poetry · Uncategorized

Think With Me

adewus4real6 Comments

So take a break from what you’re doing for a second and Think With Me. Here’s brief insight into the mind of #WhatTheHeckMan’s guest writer Dr. K aka @bmorenigerian Follow @bmorenigerian on Twitter. It got me thinking and I’m curious to find out what you’re thinking… so hey, would you “Think With Me”

Swim Good by Frank Ocean

Here’s Dr. K

So I was having a dope iMessage conversation with an old friend I respect. She’s a huge woman’s rights activist in the DMV & great at what she does. In the midst of our conversation, she asked, “Kay, give me your honest, professional opinion of how you feel about a man hitting a woman? Do you agree with lifetime bans? ”
We’ve already established that hitting is a no-no. The abuser is completely wrong & should deal with the consequences to his stupidity. (Wow, I said “his”. Hmm). In my reply, I questioned why we immediately condemn everyone, without giving opportunities for rehabilitation… & I addressed a little bit of society’s hypocrisy.
Don’t kill me, please. This is me losing my blogpost virginity.

Here’s my response to a friend:

I challenge myself to understand others, & not immediately condemn actions. And even doing that & saying this, there are still things I feel are reprehensible…especially when it comes to the violation of others. I can’t stand preying on the weak. I’ve seen it up close, & seen what it can do to someone’s psyche. Taking your frustrations out on others… It’s heinous. But it’s hard for me to give a black & white reaction in a world we know nothing really is (black & white).
The ones I DETEST are the ones that are stuck in their sick ways. The ones that don’t see the wrong or fault in the way they view women or the way they treat women, & are unwilling to get help. The ones that terrorize the weak. Deceive us that they’re great people, but are secretly performing sordid acts. One with a history of violence, repeat offenders. They sicken me. Like an addict who sees no wrong in doing drugs. Or an addict that tells you they’ve quit, but secretly shoots up. They need to be awakened & taught a lesson.
But, I think it’s ok to believe some people are open to growth, learning, & rehab. I believe you can attest to the fact that people make mistakes, especially when inebriated (benefit of the doubt here). Some people do wholeheartedly want help. Do we abandon them at their time of need? Do you think it’s wise to throw an addict to the curb? Do you believe in punishment without showing the culprit the error of their ways? Believe it or not, not all of us grew up with the same ideals, lessons, experiences, beliefs. And how one is as an adult can be a manifestation of that upbringing that was filled with mis-education. Some need an education, a proper education. Some people only learn fire is hot by grabbing the frying pan.
Sometimes in life, you need to lose something to win. Really wish we didn’t have to go through something to grasp the magnitude of a lesson fully, but we’ve all been there; in a situation where we didn’t listen & PAID badly for finding out firsthand what everyone already warned us about, & it’s helped us grow.
If someone is willing to admit they have a problem, & are willing to genuinely get help & get better, I’m all for it. Let’s kill the cancer before it spreads further.
I think it’s ok to condemn an action & also root for a person to change their life around. I’ve seen the “hopeless” go clean, & subsequently help others turn their lives around. I’ve seen criminals discover the wrong in their behavior, learn there’s a better way to approach life, learn responsibility, change their attitude & become helpers, doctors, lawyers, pastors, heroes…upstanding citizens, publicly & privately.
I’m questioning myself as I write, because again, I feel deeply for victims of deplorable exploits, and my first thought is the death penalty. But is that really fair? Who is my sinning ass to make that call?
I don’t have all the solutions, Sway. I do think all this conversation is great though. Silver lining. We get to slowly bring attention & awareness to the bigger issue, domestic violence, including all forms of abuse. Meaning bad treatment & verbal abuse, & the damage it leaves that may not show in your IG pics. Not just DV/DA, but also our violent culture as a whole. We need to get to a point where we’re frowning at men beating men, women beating women, & even women beating men with the same level of dissatisfaction. Zero tolerance clears the blurred lines, rids scenarios & circumstances.
*Goes off topic* Is it ok for a woman to attack a man because she may have an excuse *coughs Solange*? Is it ok for women to beat on each other, & for us to find entertainment in that *coughs ratchet TV*? Are the bruises they leave on each other not as important? I get that there’s a psychological factor that makes the situation different. Getting beat up by someone who is supposed to love & protect you, is a violation of trust & safety. That’s why I mentioned that we’d hopefully get to the bigger issue one day.
*Back to the issues/questions at hand*…
Does a despicable act make you a despicable person? Can you be a “good” person & make a bad decision? Is everyone that fucks up big deserved of being judged (forever) by their past discretion? Is everyone that fucks up incapable of genuinely getting better?
Why the hell are we here if we don’t believe no one can be saved?

Think with me.
Oh by the way, while you’re saying no to second chances, could you turn that new CB album a little bit so I can hear you clearly? Also, can you be sure to post your “MCM Ochocinco” when everyone goes to bed? Wait, how much did you say those Solange tickets were again?

 

 

Engage in the conversation with feedback. How did this make you think? COMMENT!!! We’ll talk back… 

The End

Follow @bmorenigerian

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#WordsofWednesday · Art · Life · Poetry · Uncategorized

Doubted

adewus4real9 Comments

Doubted

IMG_20140910_213943

Follow @adewus4real You’ll only regret it when I get heartbroken 

 ⟹ ⟹ ⟹ PLAY THE SONG BEFORE YOU START READING

Ready Aim by Mali Music

There was a time when our dreams aligned

You and I wanted to be great

I remember when you wanted me to be your best man

I remember when you were the best man

Your drive motivated me to be a better person

But you professed that your confidence was low

It surprised me because I wanted to emulate it

I didn’t want to be you

But I wanted to be just like you

 

That awkward phase

We wanted the same type of women

We had the same pick up lines

We failed woefully at living beyond our years

Laughing together as we plotted our greatness

We failed to factor in life

It can change things

We fought like friends do

And made up like we were supposed to

 

And then life woke us up

We started to want different things

Challenges started to strain things

It took longer to make up

We disagreed within ourselves

I tried to fight you off but I couldn’t

Then slowly

My sadness turned to depression

My dreams became oppressed and drowned

My outlook was bleak

The same dreams we built together seemed to die and crumble away

I tried

I really did to hold on

But the more I pulled

The more people pulled us apart

 

I knew where I should be

I knew I needed to stand with you

It was you and I against the world

People talked about us

They tried to pull us down

They laughed at our dreams

They told us we could not stand tall

Some waited on us to fail

Even the same people with whom we used to pray

I began to waver

My head bowed

And I began to wonder

Maybe they were right

Maybe I wasn’t good enough

Maybe I didn’t deserve love

Maybe I couldn’t hold onto things I loved

Because I couldn’t be loved

Maybe

Maybe I was just wrong

 

But then you spoke to me

Inside my heart

The real me

Spoke to me and reminded me

That I am talented

Dedicated

Beautiful beyond words

I could do this

I clutched my dreams

Held them close

I put my head up

I wasn’t going to give up

I have a purpose to fulfill

I am focused on me and my goals

My dream is to be great

To be the best version of myself

And I had to come that agreement with the real me

 

Over the course of time people change. Things change. Dreams change. Lives change.
From people you had similar goals with to you changing within yourself it happens. And then people get involved to pull you down and tear you apart. The backstabbers, the liars, the false lovers; they all come out. The closer you get to become the true version of who you want to be, they start to nudge and tug at you to bring you back down. Then self doubt creeps in.
all these people saying all these things about you. Certain situations start causing you to doubt yourself. People telling you that you’re unlovable and you begin to believe it. Your heart is broken too many times you don’t think you can every truly love. You fail so many times on the road to your dreams and you begin to believe you need to wake up and forget about them.

I’m here to tell you to hold on. Sometimes you can’t see it but I believe that you’re lovable. You’re great in your own way. You have to talk to yourself. No! Not the one you show the world. Not the one on social media. I need you to talk to your true self. How badly do you want this? How hard can you fight?
Life will throw everything at you from messing with your mood to even your crew. Planting the seed of doubt in your heart and making you question things.

I’m not perfect and I have doubted myself many times. I changed and thought I had to regret being a different person. Life came at me strong with depression, heartbreak and hurt but you have to keep your head up and focus on the real you. Truth is, when it’s all said and done, your happiness is your responsibility. Never let anyone take it away from you; ever.

 

“Know the real you. Trust the real you. Be you. Be HAPPY”

Give me feedback, please. COMMENT!!! 

The End

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for new series, Hooked; this Saturday.

© 2014 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WordsofWednesday · Art · Drama · Fiction · Life · Poetry · Uncategorized

Sit… Breathe…Think

adewus4real10 Comments

 IMG_20140616_065829

Follow @adewus4real You’ll only regret it when I get heartbroken 

 ⟹ ⟹ ⟹ PLAY THE SONG BEFORE YOU START READING

Royalty by Mali Music

Start by taking a seat

Deep breath

Relax

Release the air

Try not to think

It’s finally here

The beginning and end of another journey

Full of ups and downs

Twists and turns

Bumps and bruises

But yet

Here you are above it all

 

It is very easy

And quite natural

To want to forget the mistakes we made all along

But I urge you not to

Instead let them remind and teach you

Of the decisions you should make

Or some you should avoid

Use them as a teaching tool

Everything is a learning process

 

To some

This time brings excitement

To some

This time brings fear

The sense of doubt creeps in

About whether or not you can do it

I ask that you let that fear and doubt

Burn inside you and let their fumes blow out

And give you the space to believe

Believe in you

Because the truth of the matter is

You made it thus far

And you are going to make it farther

 

Excitement or fear

Belief or doubt

You have a decision to make

You’re staring down the route of another potentially amazing journey or pathway

You’ve worked hard to this moment

Those rough days you fought through

Or those lonely nights you toiled alone

You’re here

And there might be many more to come

But do not forget how you got here

Instead remember who and why you got to this place

And be thankful

This chapter is a new beginning to define greatness

The new journey is about to begin

Equip yourself and prepare for the journey

Work hard and fight harder

Stay true to yourself

In all don’t forget who you are

And never give up

Remember

There is no fatigue felt on the day of victory

 

Now take another deep breath

Breathe out

Get up

And suit up

Reach out to the people you love

Your support system

And hold them close

Give love and get love

Brace yourself

It’s going to be another fun ride

See you at the finish line

By his grace.

 

This piece practically wrote itself today during my break at school. I was in what I would consider the worst  class I have ever taken in my life. It’s an Enterprise Info Class in my MBA program. I left that class after 4hrs, close to tears. Not because I didn’t know what I was doing or what was being said but because it just felt hard. It just felt like a struggle. It felt like I couldn’t do it. It felt like I would fail. And the truth is that fear is healthy IF you can harness it. I left that class with tears in my eyes but I knew I was going to make sure I leave with smiles at the end of the class. This class made me challenge myself but also reevaluate why I was getting this degree and my future goals. I even briefly considered not writing #WhatTheHeckMan anymore. Sigh. I was sad.
There are things in your life, do they challenge you anymore?
Do you have fears? Do they push you or cripple you?
Contingency plan?
I ask you today to think of your fears, think of they ways you might fail and harness them. Turn them into motivations. Own them.
I ask you today to envision greatness and you celebrating. From difficult jobs, to family situations, relationships and even balancing your crying bank account. YOU GOT THIS. I GOT THIS. WE’VE GOT THIS.

Please push harder. Fight harder. Pray harder.
Remember you are great. In everything you do.

“There is no fatigue felt on the day of victory”

You Are Royalty.

Give me feedback, please. COMMENT!!! 

The End

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for Scarred 4 this Saturday.

© 2014 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WordsofWednesday · Art · Drama · Life · Poetry · Uncategorized

Try

adewus4real11 Comments

TRY

#WordsofWednesday

IMG-20140818-WA0043

Follow @adewus4real You’ll only regret it when I get heartbroken 

 ⟹ ⟹ ⟹ PLAY THE SONG BEFORE YOU START READING

Try by TAY

I should have fought harder

I messed up

My intentions were good

And I never meant to fuck up

Now I’m standing at this crossroad

My heart making it’s final distress call

I’ve shed all the tears my eyes were willing to give

They’ve swollen from how much they’ve had to bawl

You are my heart

My world

I always expected that you and I would weather every storm

I am vulnerable and humble

Because watching you leave would see my whole world crumble

I changed and got carried away

I look at this new guy and it drives me insane

I had my hand on the pulse of what made you happy

I couldn’t believe a day I wouldn’t be able to call you baby

There is still hope

However little left

I’m willing to keep on the fight till my last breath

You might not understand what it means to have you

But understand this

Till tomorrow I haven’t found anyone like you

It’s taken me this long to realize you are the one

But I’m willing to do everything in my power to let the fire burn

I’m asking for one last chance to say yes

My pride and my fears

I’ve seen are baseless

You found me out when no one knew me

You pissed me off without warning

And it was cool to me

I don’t want to lose you

I hope you know

And if I ever failed

It was because the true love I have for you

I didn’t show

Here I am

Freezing in this cold

The only thing burning are the candles that spell your name in bold

Forgive me and let me make you happy again

Forgive me for the horrible things I said

I’m ready to be the one you truly adore

But please don’t let this fire burn out

One by one

Everything won’t be easy

If I said it would

That would be a lie

All I’m asking from you

Can you please try?

#WordsofWednesday

Sometimes it’s not forgetting or failing to realize how important what you have is that can be the problem but not doing enough to hold on to it when it’s slipping away.

“Try” was written by me to speak to the struggles of relationships I have that are either toxic or invaluable. We all have a variety of those but which ones can you not live without and what are you doing to keep them. I have let many “leave” my life this year because I was dealing with a significant amount of depression and the consequences of some of the mistakes I made but time passed and I held on to that which is important to me. I don’t know what you have right now in your life that needs the extra push, it’s needs a bit more effort, more dedication, it needs that “I’m sorry”. Reach out and TRY. It’s the best you can do and the only way to ensure regret doesn’t ruin you.

Thank you.

Give me feedback, please. COMMENT!!! 

The End

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for Scarred 3 this Saturday.

© 2014 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WordsofWednesday · Art · Life · Poetry · Uncategorized

Betrayal

adewus4real7 Comments

Betrayal

 Follow @adewus4real the writer on Twitter 

The variations and the parallels are endless

The things and ways we remain similar will leave you speechless

I’ve met certain from which the encounter has left me breathless

But others I’ve met and realized that many people remain tasteless

See I’ve betrayed trust and I’ve let folks down

I’ve forgotten values and in many ways I’ve let doubt abound

Easily it comes in and shatters relationships

It puts them in a chokehold and slowly strangles the life out of them

Now we all lay lifeless and hurt from all the drama and bullshit

Man

Hurt is one conversation I don’t want to revisit

 

The heart of man is desperately wicked the bible says

And I swear that plays out in unique situations everyday

Men stab men in their faces

Women aren’t too far behind in the races

See we can say our parents and the generation before us taught us better

But the truth is

Did anyone really bother?

From coups to stolen husbands

To deaths just to acquire more bands we are a lost few

Righteous today but we fade quickly like the morning dew

 

Did you ever understand how easy it is to lose your way?

How quickly the plot gets lost in the day to day

Some of us camp on Twitter all day

Looking for our next prey

We stalk the TL’s

Trying to pick fights from the latest dumb shit bae said today

The slander is endless

A new victim everyday

But the true victim most cases is you

Because it’s you who failed to stay true

 

The person you portray to the world

Should be the same across the board

Regardless of the location

Your true identity to should have no variations

But we change

And let our morals and ethics go

As we drift out of range

I’m not immune don’t get me wrong

I wrote this with a heavy heart

But so my name could be on your tongue

I swear if I could sing my feelings I would put them in a song

But the truth remains

You’ll only hear me for how long??

 

My heart has been broken from friends to friends

I said that twice because the difference is not clear

They are some people you’ll always go to bat for

But those are the ones you pray never ever hurt you at all

Sad to say but they are the ones that can hurt you where you can call

For help or even a reason to again stand tall

Never underestimate your influence before you mane a friend fall

Like me here crying my feelings while curled up into a ball

 

I heard someone I loved say horrible things about me

It broke my heart

But I only blame myself because I should have known from the start

This life is not a game

But someone has to lose and it’s a shame

I only ask that you never forget my name

Because broken hearted preventing your hurt will be my only aim

I plan on remaining the same

Truthful as possible and not on the losing side in this game

Now with this feelings I might rise to fame

But please be a true friend and always help me stay the same

 

I’ve never set out to hurt anyone

But I have been hurt a lot

Repeatedly in situations when betrayal or hurt was an afterthought

I don’t expect you to understand but I know you do

But you might relate if the same things has happened to you

I write this in the dark of my heart

Waiting for a spark

It’s hard to hold faith

When your heart is repeatedly torn apart.

#WhatTheHeckMan Written in my car.

Sometimes people without warning place their hearts in our hands. It is our job to keep it safe. Guarded from the problems and trials of life as best as we can. You are responsible for many you don’t even realize. Never betray the trust of someone, no matter how minute it might be. You don’t know what door you might close forever if you open the wrong wounds.

PART 2 OF SCARRED BELOW… Comes out on Saturday. Watch OUT!!!

Give me feedback. How did this make you feel? COMMENT!!! 

The End

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

© 2014 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WordsofWednesday · Art · Life · Poetry · Uncategorized

I Fell Off

adewus4real12 Comments

 Follow @adewus4real the writer on Twitter 

 ⟹ ⟹ ⟹ PLAY THE SONG BEFORE YOU START READING

Higher by Mali Music

There was a time when looking up to God was how I solved my problems

Now friends have to camp at my house and go on in long conversations to address issues

There was a time when I wasn’t so vain

There was a time when my heart wasn’t in so much pain

I fell off

And life hasn’t let me go

It hasn’t let up

I write this at the moment with a huge headache

Realizing that I drifted too far away

And my new “loves” are causing me heartache

Heartbreak

Sweet is the lure of the world

But in it’s heat we burn

And slowly bright futures bake

I won’t say that I’ve become fake

But I have to admit

Realizing I’ve slipped is much harder to take

It’s nice to know now before I self-destruct

Because for the longest time

It felt like a mission I couldn’t abort

Validations I seek from the wrong people

Some might even say I’m in the wrong circle

People and their minds can be so fickle

But you only give them reason to talk

When your backbone seems so brittle

I used to pray more

I used to yearn

For his word and his wisdom

Now I sit in church yawning consumed by boredom

I tithe when it’s convenient

Forgetting it is an essential ingredient

The last time I went to church was because I visited home

I can’t even ask God to abide in me

This is not his home

I used to be humble

Now it seems my pride has caused me to stumble

I learn new things about me everyday that I never expect

I just want God to speak to me again

Live and direct

This journey is not for the weary

And I’ve grown faint

Forgetting the intensity needed to score points in the paint

I realized a while back that I let him down

And now I’m hoping he can take me back

And turn my life around

I cannot predict the future

But I remember his promises for sure

I have fallen off

But I know he never wrote me off

Humbly I come back to you

Cleanse me and start me anew

It doesn’t matter how far you think you’ve fallen

He’ll still hold your hand and take your burden

Will I sin again after this?

Probably yes

But this was my cry for help to him

I had to get this off my chest

Have your way with me Lord

You know what’s best

Give me the grace to follow whole-heartedly

I know you’ll handle all the rest.

Part 2

Recently, I was touched by the amazing story of a friend. The things said person had gone through, made me appreciate my life and the way things have panned out for me. I did not write this latter piece to mock their struggles but to empower them and anyone else out there. No matter what your situation or story is, you are Beautiful.

Beautiful 

Beautiful by Mali Music

The days get harder

Plans get cloudy

The future seems father

And you’re more doubtful than when you first planned it

You start to panic

And end up looking manic

Don’t forget the backbone

And cling on tighter to your cornerstone

Cry to him louder

Go francophone

Your time is now

Your frown is about to turn upside down

Believe it

I’m urging you to key into it

Visualize

To Actualize

We spend so much time trying to strategize

Did factor in how much time God took to analyze

You

Prioritize

All those plans might never come to pass if your faith dies

So stoke that fire

I bet you

He hears your cry

I’ve see your drive

In any situation

I know you’ll thrive

Forget not your humble beginnings

Let them remind you of what all of this truly means

I’m not a preacher

I’m a sinner

With self doubt

But I know this struggle

And I know what it’s about

His mercies endless about

And your strength and sheer will

Will you pull you through?

NO doubt

The days might get gloomy and wet

But the sun in your life will never set

His eyes are on you

You’re a superstar

Believe it with me

He’ll show you how great you are

Stand strong and have faith

On him alone

Should you wait

Your time is now

His blessings, favor, grace and divine direction

On your life

Will always abound

Time and time again you surprise me

Your dedication to who you are is phenomenal

The pureness of your heart makes you the envy of many

The fact that in the middle of adversity

You let the good in you shine through

Over time I have come to know you

The real you

The one that seeks the best out of every situation

Always optimistic and full of belief

That attitude has propelled you to where you are today

On the cuff of greatness

Talented

Beautiful

Inside and out

You have captivated me

You know exactly when to evolve

Taking your all around beauty to the next level

You are the true meaning of beautiful

Because like fine wine

You get better with time

And you remain beautiful inside out.

Without a shadow of doubt

Give me feedback. How did this make you feel? COMMENT!!! 

The End

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for New Series starting this weekend.

© 2014 #WhatTheHeckMan