Words of Wednesday
Some friendships are only for a season,
Sometimes they come in during your harvest
Others during your drought
Some are the shoulder to lean on
Some need your shoulder
A few are like mortgage contracts
Others are shorter than a Netflix show
When some end
It’s like an Iroko falls in the forest
While others end with a soft block and unblock
Then you change your Netflix password
And forget they ever existed
The fear of loneliness is what makes it hard for some of us to audit our friendships because the truth is after some of those reviews, you’ll realize you were already alone.
That you had grown apart while standing next to each other.
Amazing to see that the pandemic of the last two years has brought many closer and some others completely dropped out of the picture.
When was the last time you audited your friendships? Auditing also means reviewing your own performance and input in that space – are you worthy to still be called their friend?
Over the last few days, I have been thinking about the concept of “shelf life” and the spaces we occupy. Think of it like this – remember that vase your mom or dad had on the shelf. All your childhood, it was just there, in some African or Latino homes, it may even have been the place they hid emergency monies or keys.
Notice how it was there for years and despite not moving much, it always served a purpose?
Those are your riders, they may change color, grow old but they are there and impactful.
Others are like the flowers in the vase – pretty for a while but ultimately, they “die and fade” and you hardly remember them beyond the short excitement they provided in the time they were there.
Auditing my friendships over the last few weeks, the following random thoughts jumped out to me
Stagnation is scary. Not really the stagnation of you life but truly looking at the core of a man or woman.
Money doesn’t buy swag.
Houses and cars don’t hide insecurities.
And truth be told, sometimes the wealth you acquire to cover the manhole of inadequacies, only makes those flaws more glaring and sad when they rear their heads.
I realized quickly that I am very afraid of seeing my friends stagnant, emotionally to be precise.
How are you still having the same types of fights or outbursts as you did when you were 21? Where is your evolution?
Do not be stagnant. You may have more money in the bank, and more rings on your hands but has the child in you grown? Found peace?
Am I the drama?
If you are the one constant when drama arises in a group, maybe, just maybe you should stay closer to your therapist and be more diligent in your self-improvement work. The tweet above sums it up.
At some point for your friendships and relationships to blossom, you need to find a way to self-reflect and introspect. Are you the drama?
Are you the one people need to tiptoe around?
Have you gotten those mood swings in check? Do you drift in and out of being present?
Are you still unable to see the group but only yourself?
When did we become our parents?
I noticed a few months ago that I was the person that would be wronged by someone and not really feel the need to defend myself. Happened a lot.
People would say or do things that were false and I would always rely on “God knows best and my truth is mine”
I recently realized where that came from. A few years ago, there was someone in my church that was going around telling lies about my dad – the Pastor.
It was causing so much pain to me because all I wanted to do was defend him but he always told me to let it go.
For months, it raged on till the person left the church and went to another church. Still smearing his name.
A few months later, I came back home late in the evening, it must have been around 11pm. When I pulled up, there were cars I recognized around the house.
Walking in, I noticed a group of people in the second living room. They did not see me, nor did I want them to but I did peek in.
Guess what I saw?
That same woman and her husband were on their knees begging my dad.
She apologized for lying against him and such.
And my dad in typical fashion, he forgave. My mother was furious!
But my dad has always been big on forgiveness. And so am I, the only difference is that I am not one to forget, you will not do it to me twice.
IT just got me thinking, when did I become my dad?
I am super particular like him, I dress serious like him, and I emotionally approach things and conflict like him. Damn, I truly am that man’s son.
Are you like your parents or guardians in any way? And when did you realize that you had become like them?
Let me know in the comments below!
Thanks for reading!