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Swim Good – Frank Ocean
It was hard to make out the emotions on her face for sure. She just stood there; shocked. It seemed like a mixture of disgust, sadness and anger. She looked at me like a child who was hell-bent on not fulfilling their potential and wanted to sabotage growth as much as possible. I saw the brief emotion of pain flash over her face. It was personal.
Her husband Darius had returned from the war in Afghanistan hurt and soon became addicted to anti depressants and pain killers. She had taken care of an addict close to her. It broke her and very quickly after, it shattered her home. He had been gone for 3 years now, she still had no kids, no clear direction of her love life. She was all alone after her husband had chosen to find solace in addictive substances instead of with her. He would sneak off and get high in motel rooms around the city and be gone for days on end without caring to contact her. She worried about him all the time and the risk of her losing him was torture for her. She had held on for as long as she could and then had to part ways with him. Even after the break up whenever he had an episode, she would run over to help. It took a while for her to finally break off from him but even then, he had robbed her of a part of her. More importantly, he stole the trust they built together.
She looked at me like I had betrayed her trust. She was right too. I had lived with her for many months now and I wasn’t talking to her about my true feelings. I wasn’t sharing my problems and struggles with her and didn’t mention when it all fell apart with Sally, I just broke down and never used her. In many ways I felt she was hurt because she wasn’t there for me.
Slowly she helped me onto my feet and into the bedroom. Now my body was in full effect. I was shaking and breaking into a cold sweat. The rest of the night was horrible as my body tried to resist this “evil” that returned to take over me. I barely slept that night and Juliet didn’t either. She was up most of the night coming into the living room to check on me frequently, I felt awful. I think it was about 4am when I finally passed out on the couch and that night has remained vivid in my head.
. . . . . .
It had been a few weeks of doing nothing and there was a significant amount of boredom in my life as I juggled my time between applying for a new job, watching episodes of the Maury show and attending my group meetings for support. The group had been amazing welcoming me back with opened arms and my sponsor was now more involved than ever. The Maury show was the Maury show as young men and women came to embarrass the full existence of their parents on the show. The job hunt was the worst. Everywhere I applied to seemed to be a dead end until one day, I stumbled on a forwarded email from a distant friend about a potential job opening in a company he had connections in. I immediately applied.
A few days later, I got a response from the company asking me to come in for an interview. I quickly told Juliet who was happy but reserved. I was still in the process of rebuilding trust with her after the incident.
I was very nervous when I showed up for the interview. But I realized the interviewer was a lady and how I loved those. I practically charmed my way through the interview, answering her questions while remembering to flash my smile. I was confident. At the end of the interview, she looked up at me and said
“Andy, I definitely want to thank you for coming in for the interview. It was nice to chat with you…”
I already knew what was coming, I prepared myself for the worst but she continued,
“From what I have gathered from this interview and experience, you are over qualified for this position and it won’t be best served for this company if I offered you this job that someone more appropriate would be missing out on”
I was down. My heart sunk and I felt defeated and then she said,
“But there is an opening in our parent company that suits you perfectly. I would like to offer you that position.”
My eyes lit up!
“You will be in charge of branding and restructuring our newer acquisitions as the company expands and completes mergers. You have already interviewed with me and I would have had to do the other one too, so you don’t have to worry about re-interviewing. I’ll have HR send you the details as the pay is significantly higher than this position you came in for as is the workload. Look over it and get back to me with an answer by Thursday. Sound good?”
“Yes. Very much so! Thank you”
I said as I wrapped up and walked out. I finally caught a break. A huge one out of nowhere, I was stoked and ready for business.
. . . . . .
I decided to go out that night to celebrate, so I hit up a bar. A few drinks and some dancing with my buddy Spencer and I was feeling good. The night was great and the ladies were swarming. I was a bit tipsy by the end of the night. Walking out of the bar with Spencer, I turned the corner as I walked my car when I heard a lady call out to me. I walked up to her and she said,
She was not my type of girl. Not the kind I would go for. Some would consider her “ratchet” but hey, she just wanted to have a conversation, right?
“Hey, what’s up”
“I want to suck your dick”
She said bluntly and directly. I was taken aback and began to smile.
“Nothing. I just was caught off guard”
“He’s a wimp.”
She said to her friend in the passenger seat. They laughed together.
“It’s okay. You’re a weak one” she continued
I immediately got defensive.
“No I’m not” I chimed back.
She reached out and grabbed my package. As she jumped out of the car and in one swift motion she opened the back door and pushed me in. Pulling my pants down she reported to her friend in the front seat who was the lookout. Taking my hard member into her mouth, she began to suck; hard. I was still in shock. What the hell was going on? My level of shock graduated to a new when her friend asked her to let her hop on that too. Her friend moved to the back seat and started on me while her friend was now the lookout. Wait? Let that sink in. I was having a blowjob threesome and I didn’t have to beg for it to happen. Can you beat that?
My luck was from another planet. I finally let loose in the mouth one of the girls; I can’t remember which one but it was amazing. They asked me to come back to their apartment with them but I declined politely. My moral compass might have been fucked up but it for sure was not that bad.
. . . . . .
Thinking that my weekend was the best I had in a long time, it was fantastic to be starting my new job on Monday morning. I was thrown right into it as the firm was in the middle of closing a merger. My training was on the job and my formal training was to begin after the public holiday in two weeks. By the evening of that Monday, the merger was completed as we bought out this other company. I received the email on my phone on the train ride home.
It was not until the next morning when I showed up at work that I pieced together the company in question was the one I used to work at and I was in charge of restructuring the company. And yes, I was now Sally’s boss! It took me a minute to let that sink in. I was overwhelmed with happiness and a sense of revenge. And I wasn’t sure which way I was leaning.
It was only a matter of days before the news got to Sally that I was the new boss and she sent me a text message trying to reconnect.
Sally: 12:04pm: “Hey, Andy. How have you been? Congrats on your new job. I was just wondering if you were free sometime and wanted to catch up. Grab some lunch or something like old times. Let me know! XoXo”
I stared at the phone for a while before responding. It was cold direct and straight for the gut..
Andy: 12:43pm: “Hey Sally, thanks for the wishes but definitely a no on the lunch or any type of contact. Do your job like I know you can and we all stay in business. See you at the new management meeting next week.”
Call that message mean but I didn’t care, I had to make sure she knew we would never be cool. She cut me deep and caused me to relapse. I was not going to fire her but she dare not expect anything from me. No way.
A few of the managers I didn’t like were fired and I relocated all of Sally’s team at her company putting them in new departments and isolating her. It was only a few weeks in when she tendered her resignation letter with the request for a transfer for personal reasons. I think you call can imagine how I responded to that. Gladly accepted it!
That week ended on a high when I received a text from the Queen who said she was coming into town on June 22nd. I definitely could not stop buzzing as I moved out of Juliet’s into my new place; Audrey was coming home.
. . . . . .
Audrey being back was just what I needed. The kind of man I am, I begin to hate the end of a vacation right when it starts because I knew it would have to come to an end at some point. I left work early that Friday evening and rushed home to change. I was about 30 minutes early and I remember sitting in my car in the parking lot trying to figure out how the night was going to go. Nervousness and excitement bundled into one. Some called those butterflies; I called them wanting to puke my insides out.
I finally walked up to her friend Nancy’s apartment and knocked on the door. I heard footsteps and then, she opened the door. Standing about 5 feet behind her was Nancy but I only saw her and she was beautiful. It was a simple outfit; blue heels, black pants and a grey blouse. She had her braids up in the most beautiful way I had seen them, they looked like a crown the way they sat gently on her shiny forehead.
“You look beautiful sweetie”
“I really like your scarf”
She added referring to the red scarf I had around my neck. That was big because she was always critical about my choice of clothes to wear until I put it all together and she saw what it looked like. Women, right?
I carried her weekend bag as we walked down the stairs and all I could do was walk behind and stare at her backside. Each step she took was like a Queen walking down the hallway. She was just elegantly poised. I was crippled by the beauty of this woman. In the car ride to dinner we talked about our times, my setbacks and my new job. She was filling me in on her life and how her younger sister was considering moving home to take care of their father while she moved again for work. It really was a beautiful night and it was one of the best I had experienced in a long time.
Dinner was amazing. It was at this Asian cuisine at a local chain of restaurants called F.A.T.S. All I could do all night was to stare into her eyes and marvel at how amazing she was. I reached across the table for her hand and looked into her eyes and said
She smiled at me and responded alike. My words said it but my heart wanted to yell it out at the top of my lungs. At one point at dinner she asked if I was seeing anyone and I said no. She had this hidden smile on her face that sort of reflected satisfaction as she knew she still had me. She kept fiddling with her infinity sign necklace around her neck while trying not to smile too hard. I began to wander about a future, we had gotten so close to being together once and it fell through, could it be great the second time? We had this amazing serving of Tiramisu for dessert as we snuggled up next to each other and laughed. It was perfect.
Heading out to the hotel I asked her to drop me off, she seemed confused but she did it anyways. I asked her to stop at the creamery down the street to pick up an apple creampie for me (This one is for you Twitter nasties)
I rushed into the hotel and poured the rose petals on the floor, dimmed the lights and turned the music on. There were candles all over the room, it was a similar look like the last time we were in a hotel together but this time around, I wanted out fireworks to burn the place before the candles did. She got up to the hotel room about twenty minutes later and I let her in. Audrey had already figured out what I was up to and apologized to me as she walked in. She said
“Baby, I have plans for you first. You might, emphasis on might be allowed to touch me later”
I was instantly turned on and taken aback. Excitement overruled all the other emotions as my member was at attention.
“You went all out I see”
She said pointing to the grapes, strawberries whip cream, baby oil and ice cubes sitting on the side table. I smiled back at her, curious to see what she was about to do to me. She asked me to lay on the bed and wait for her as she entered the bathroom. I had a feeling a show was coming on and I was right. She emerged from the bathroom about 5 minutes later with an overall coat on. She would soon drop the coat to reveal her corset, black stockings, a whip and black heels. I was even more turned on now. She walked over to the computer and a few seconds later changed the song.
Joe – Somebody Gotta Be On Top
She moved to the foot of the bed and slowly moved her body to the music sexually. Inviting me to come in and devour her. I slowly began to get up and moved towards her at the end of the bed. Very quickly she used the whip on my bare back and motioned her finger to tell me; no. I was not getting any of her until she was ready to let me. Like a defeated lion in a battle for territory, I slowly retreated and returned to my laying position on the bed and lay on my back. She continued her show as she turned around to show me her perfectly shaped ass. I wanted to bite it. I lay there trying hard to converse with my package, pleading with it to stay down and not embarrass me as it just wanted to stand upright. Audrey climbed on the bed and came on top of me, putting the whip in my mouth to stop me from talking she advised that if I tried to talk or touch her, she would bite me where it hurt. I gulped hard and nodded in submission. She was grinding on me for a short while and then she moved down. Keeping eye contact, she pulled off my briefs with her teeth; no hands. Now my erection was visible and right in front of her face, she smiled. Hard; like a lady does at the store when she runs into shoes she loves and they also happen to be 65% off. She looked at me like she was about to attack her prey and she went in.
Taking all of me into her mouth, I clutched the sheets and cussed under my breath. Her mouth was warm. I must confess, I wanted to explode right then but I held it in. Slowly, she worked her mouth on my shaft, keeping her hands behind her back. Up and down she slurped as pit flowed out of her mouth on my balls and she went after. I was on cloud nine. Clutching the sheets, I saw her get pleasure from watching me squirm. I wanted to jump up and grab her. She began to remove her panties, leaving her stockings on, she got up and rubbed the head of my member gently and slowly lowered herself onto it. She let out a soft moan as her wet juicebox got acquainted with my hard dick. Up and down she controlled the motions as she placed her hands on her thighs. Her breasts bounced up and down as she floated into her own world. There was a connection as the pleasure coursed through her and onto me. I felt her juices drip slowly down the bottom of my shaft onto my sack, I tried to place my hands on her bouncing breasts and she flashed me this glare. I retreated and continued to get ready to explode as the ride continued. She picked up the pace as if she was driving for me to explode inside her. I could feel it coming too! I had been holding it for a while, I snapped her off me and on to the bed. She had this smirk on her face because she knew she had been dominating me, I hated it!
I walked over to the table and grabbed the grapes, and the whip cream. I returned to the bed and fed a few grapes to her. Shaking the can of whip cream, I sprayed it on her. Covering her breasts, down her navel and making the “V” sign directing me to her kitty. As she finished the grapes in her mouth, I stuffed her mouth with a few more and began to lick the whip cream off her body. Nibbling on her nipples, my tongue continued downwards towards her dripping juicebox. I couldn’t wait to taste it all. I stretched my arms to the side table and reached for the melting cup off ice cubes. I picked two, placing one on her belly button, it began to melt fast and I placed the other on my tongue. Slowly, I began kissing her lower lips. Her juices flowed onto my chin and over my nose as I worked my face into all her juices. I slowly slipped the ice cube into her. The contrasting effect as it melted and the heat emanating from her pink was amazing. The melting cube was flowing out onto my welcoming tongue as the cube on her stomach melted. It was cold and she had her tummy sucked in. I have never had her wet like this before. Reaching for the baby oil, I squirted it all over her chest. In circular motions, my hands rubbed the oil all over her body. Squeezing her breasts and rubbing her clit, I worked the oil to every inch of her. I continued to rub the oil on her as I turned her over. With her chest to the bed, I pulled her waist up and slowly slid into her. She grabbed the sheets and moaned. The lubrication was intense, it was wet and slippery. In and out, the oil, water and her juices mixed together provided the easiest ride into her juicebox. In and out I thrust, the mixed the sensation inside her was making me take it slow to avoid exploding, it seemed like she knew I was holding back so she began to rile me up.
“That’s all you’ve got? ”
“Youuuu… haven’t seeeenn mmeee in months and this is all youuu cannn dooooo”
She moaned as I picked the pace up
“Fuck me like you want me to stay”
She moaned as I began to pound harder. My hands were slippery as the oil made it impossible to grab her fully. I clutched tighter and pounded harder, my balls slamming into her clit with every motion.
“Come on baby, fuck me. Cum for me baby, Come on! ”
She begged and growled. I couldn’t take it anymore. Exploding soon was inevitable and she knew it too. She poked her ass up just a bit more to give me deeper thrust, I pushed down on her waist as my hands slipped all over and
“Bam, bam, bam!”
I grunted as I let out a full load into her wanting box. My member was throbbing hard inside her. I pulled out of her and slumped next to her, ready to pass out after that workout when she reached up and took me into her mouth. With her left hand massaging my ball sack, she slurped on my member and sucked out every last drop I had in me. I moaned in falsetto. Not proud to say it but Climax needed to be re-recorded once I was done. It was that good. I looked her with a mixture of disbelief and shock as she cleaned up her mouth with the back of her right hand.
“Thank you, Papi”
She leaned into say
“That was amazing”
“Sorry I went back for more. I couldn’t help it. I just needed to taste my juices off you”
I couldn’t smile but my package responded for me. I tried to hide it, in the mood she was in, she could have wanted more.
I blew out the candles as I walked behind her, stopping to call the front desk to request new sheets. I asked them to drop it in front of the door. We hopped in the shower to clean up. She got her way again in there. It was her way and her body caused me to respond accordingly. I was screwed; I definitely couldn’t let her go.
. . . . . .
The rest of the weekend was fun as we went to the batting cages, the museum, shopping and I was even more convinced that I was in love with this woman. I had to keep her. We had just left the Mongolian BBQ restaurant on that Sunday when I asked Audrey where she saw her life in the next 3 years. She responded hopefully with the man I would spend the rest of my life with. I got this sense of nervousness and encouragement because I knew she loved me but I had never asked her if she was with someone. I learned very early on that a man would never put himself in a position to get burned.
We were taking a walk around Miwok Park where I was about to drop her at her friends place when I stopped talking. She was telling me a story about something and she noticed that I was not actively listening any longer; she turned to me and asked me what was going on.
“I’m sorry sweetie; I just have a lot on my mind”
“Talk to me babe”
She said with the look on her face that asked me to confide in her
“I have wanted and contemplated how much I needed you for a long time. I was not 100% sure till this weekend. This weekend showed me that I needed to make you mine. I still have a lot of work to do but I need you in my life. I don’t know how everything will work out but I don’t want to be with anyone else but you.”
I breathed a sigh of relief as I told her everything. She looked at me like she was glad I told her and placed her hand on my shoulder.
“Andy, I love you. I truly do…”
“But I don’t think you’re ready. I don’t think you’re where you want to be and I can’t knowingly put myself in a position to get hurt. I can’t. Let’s just take it slow and see where it goes”
I told her I understood even though I know I didn’t. I was heartbroken. This was the second time that she turned me down. Why? I tried to stay strong for the evening and I hugged her tight before I left not knowing when next I was bound to see her again. Let down, I drove home. Confused, I felt all alone.
. . . . . .
The next morning, I wasn’t sure what to feel. I knew her flight was that evening and being a public holiday, I had no work to sink my teeth in. I lay at home watching Disney channel like real men do and watched the hours go by till it was time for her flight to leave. Somehow, I wished she would stay. I wished she would not leave me again. It was an hour to her flight and I couldn’t sit within myself. I was hoping for a miracle; that she’ll change her mind and decide to stay with me. But nothing happened.
I got into my car and drove up to the shoreline. Standing outside my car overlooking my favorite spot, I looked out into the world and wondered what had become. This time I was hurt but not broken. I was hurt but strong enough to not relapse again. But I wanted her. Hell, I need her! And a few minutes from now, she would be gone.
I stood on the big rock and thought to myself about how far, I had come in the last year. I had seen many ups and down and I had come through it all. Who would have thought right? I just felt I had done so much yet I felt so empty. Cars kept driving slowly on this isolated shoreline road as I drifted farther into my thoughts
“I remember the night we came out here to watch the stars. It was magical”
A soft voice said approaching me from behind. It was Audrey.
“I let you go once because someone else got to you first. I won’t let you go again because the next one might not be stupid enough to let you go. You’re mine.”
She continued with my head still stationed ahead.
I had the biggest smile on my face, it had been a rollercoaster year of pain, sadness, happiness, sex, friendships, betrayals and love. I turned back around and there was my Amnesia moment, she was all I wanted and needed and I remembered nothing else.
“How did you know I would be here?”
“This has always been your spot”
She was right. This was where I always came to be free. I walked straight towards her and she jokingly said #WhatTheHeckMan I thought you were going to turn me down for a second. I planted a kiss on her forehead as I wrapped my hands around her and looked into her eyes,
“Never again” And I knew it too. She was everything I ever needed.
Sym19 – God Sent
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