Don’t Stress Me

I’m currently on a walk as the idea for this post comes to me. It’s funny how, at different phases of your life, you become familiar with certain things.

I remember when I was working at Mentor House almost 10 years ago—I centered a lot of my conversations through a mental health lens. Then you move into tech, and your vocabulary changes. Your interests shift too. But most importantly for me recently has been understanding my body.

I’ve never really wanted to admit this, but this feels like a vulnerable space—and I’m grateful for the opportunity to share real experiences and hopefully inspire others to live in their truth.

For many years, I had this fear that my demise would come from a brain aneurysm. I know some people would say, “Don’t speak that over yourself,” and fair—but that was my fear. The same way some people fear they won’t get married, won’t have kids, won’t be good parents, or might fall back into poverty… that was mine.

That was until 2020, when I started feeling pain in my left side. I went to the doctor, ran tests, and was told I had diverticulitis. Essentially, it’s when small pockets form in the lining of your digestive system. If you don’t eat enough fiber, food can get trapped there, causing irritation, bloating, and pain that can travel from your lower left abdomen to your back and even downward.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve also become more aware—maybe even more anxious—about how often I see men dealing with serious health issues like prostate cancer and other illnesses. Have I been great about going to the doctor consistently? No. But I intend to do better.

Today, though, I want to talk about something else: cortisol.

It’s taken me a few weeks to be honest with myself about how I feel. And the simplest way to describe it is this—I’m stressed.

Whether it’s family issues, personal decisions, ambitions, or just feeling like my body isn’t responding the way I want it to… I feel it. A lot of that stress shows up when I wake up and look at myself. Some days, I don’t appreciate where I am physically.

What’s funny is, I went to an event last week wearing traditional Nigerian attire. When I watched the videos back, I thought, “I actually look really good.” I looked sharp. Confident. Put together.

But in the moment? I didn’t feel that way at all. I had just eaten a huge Chipotle burrito, felt bloated, and convinced myself I didn’t look great overall.

There’s a real disconnect sometimes between how I see myself and how others see me. People will describe me in ways that genuinely surprise me.

So I started paying attention to patterns.

My diet hasn’t been great the past few weeks. I never thought of myself as a stress eater, but I’ve realized I’m more of an emotional eater. Not fast food—but comfort food. Familiar meals.

I always have staples in my fridge or freezer—fada sauce, aramashi stew, spaghetti sauce. Every couple of weeks, I make big batches, store some, freeze the rest.

I can go weeks eating clean, disciplined. But let me have a rough stretch, and suddenly I’ve rearranged my diet around comfort.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with those meals—but if I’m trying to stay strict, that’s not the time for them. And because I live alone, I’m accountable only to myself. That can be a gift and a weakness.

To be fair, since the beginning of the year, I’ve been more disciplined overall. Smaller portions, more awareness around sugar—although I still enjoy a sweet treat almost every night. That’s an area I can improve.

But the real issue isn’t just food.

It’s cortisol.

I’m stressed. I have too much on my mind. I’m not sleeping well. And I’m starting to feel like it’s costing me my ability to be consistently happy.

So what’s the solution?

By the grace of God, I’ve inherited my dad’s ability to connect with people easily. I make friends all over the world without trying too hard, and it’s always genuine.

But I’m realizing that I also absorb a lot—from relationships, from interactions, from people who may not even realize what they’re carrying.

And I need to do a better job protecting myself from that.

This has become an ongoing internal conversation. Do I distance myself from certain people? Do I go home? Do I have the hard conversations I’ve been avoiding?

One thing I know for sure is this: waiting for people to reach certain levels of self-awareness on their own timeline has cost me peace. It’s left gaps in my heart and, at times, sleepless nights.

If I’m being honest, since my birthday trip in January, I don’t think I’ve woken up and felt genuinely happy. Within minutes of being awake, something creeps in—tension in my body, restlessness in my mind, or a weight on my spirit tied to something unresolved.

So how do I fix that?

I have to be honest about what I can control—and what I can’t.

I can’t save everyone. I can’t fix everything. And I definitely can’t do that while trying to keep myself afloat.

There’s a part of me that wishes I could just sit and cry sometimes. People love to say, “If you were married, things would be easier,” but that’s not real. Being married doesn’t eliminate challenges, especially when you care deeply about people across different spaces and places.

So, cortisol—we need to break up. And we need to do it fast.

Because this way of living isn’t sustainable.

I can’t only feel real joy when I’m in a different country or when my phone is on Do Not Disturb for days at a time. Sometimes people reach out asking why I’ve gone quiet. And while occasionally they’re part of the stress, most times they’re not.

I just need space to reset. To recharge. To breathe.

I’m working on getting better—not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. Yes, some of it is eating better and taking care of my body. But a lot of it is identifying what’s causing stress and learning how to remove or limit those things.

So as you think about your own life, take a moment.

What’s weighing on your heart right now?

Maybe it’s those extra 10 pounds that won’t drop. Maybe it’s your sleep. Maybe it’s the fact that joy hasn’t felt consistent in a while.

Pause. Take stock.

Ask yourself what’s heavy—and what you can do about it.

Sometimes it’s going home. Sometimes it’s telling yourself the truth. Sometimes it’s cutting people off. Sometimes it’s learning to be okay alone.

Sometimes it’s spending less. Sometimes it’s spending more. Sometimes it’s eating the meal that brings you comfort. And sometimes it’s embracing delayed gratification.

At the end of the day, I hope you’re listening to your body, your heart, and your soul.

I’m about to finish this walk. I’m trying to get back into consistency – an hour walk at least three times a week, and 30 minutes on the other days. That’s my starting point.

But more importantly, I’m learning to walk away from the things that invite cortisol into my life.

I hope you do the same.

Until next time—stay up.

What is the most stressful area of your life right now and how can you fix it?

Till next time.

Stay up.

Please leave me a comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

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