A Mother’s Love
Fifemayo by Pepenanzi
For the first time
Our stages coincided
Into your eyes I found love
Before self discovery
You would hold my hand as I wrote my story
Being in love with you was all the history I had
Like an vhs cassette
I have ejected myself out of your love
Pretended like being in your care wasn’t home
Rebelling against you and hurting myself
A stubborn young man
I tried to navigate life without the safety of your love
Like a trusty navigation system
You helped me avoid potholes
Re routed around traffic
You alerted when the storm was near
And gave me reason to go out in the world without fear
I pray love on you mother
Times have changed
My beard is now flourishing
And I get too busy
But I am still no one without your touch
I still crave the warmth in your love
Even as your words chasten me
They have moulded me
Into a version I can be proud to say is yours
I know I have hurt you
It must have hurt more
Like hitting your pinky toe on the corner of your new settee
The screams are internal
Like when I moved inside of you as a fetus
No one will understand a mothers pain
And sometimes I act like you are the pain
But without your love
My life is not the same
I didn’t just realize all this today
But I’ve been trying to find the right words to say
I love you
In a meaningful way
Needing you is not something I can deny
And fear of you pushing me aside
Breaks my heart
I cannot imagine a day without a prayer from you
I owe much of me to you
Everything in truth
I sometimes fail to show you how much I love you
Or how much you mean to me
But what I am here trying to say today is
Mother, you are everything
There is nothing
So today and everyday I forget to say or show it
Please know that I love you
More than anything I can ever find
Thank you for loving me
Written in June 2015.
People have sometimes joked and called me a “mama’s boy”. I find that term very interesting to understand considering that I feel like she’s mad at me half the time.
Like she is right now.
But I wrote this to remind her of the love I have for her. My journey with her.
Her influence in me.
My realization that only one person can love me more than she does. Ever.
I started to think of the idea of “unconditional love”.
There is a bond between a child and a mother that withstands much of life’s tests. But what prevents that love from being recreated within different interactions and relationships.
The love a mother has is one that never gives up and even if it does, it has to be in the most extreme of circumstances.
Today, we are so quick to give up. On people, relationships, dreams and love.
I have been extremely frustrated with my friends or situations before but I find it hard to give up. Like the pull within me to give up on someone I love is so hard.
I always ask, would I want someone to give up on me?
And the answer is always a resounding NO.
I have a forgiving personality. I let things go. But I realized over the last few months that I havent always truly let things go.
When a child offends, a mother chastises and then moves on. It may be slow but eventually, she moves them along.
I feel like people need more of that.
What is that thing that is holding you from giving love that stands the tests of situations?
Understand that thing and work on it.
It seems trivial but letting someone know that you will never give up on the love you have for them, is a helpful step in them loving themselves.
This concept of love can be discussed from now till Jesus comes but make it your duty to love everyone like they are your own.
Forgive when you can, admonish when necessary, support always, pray without ceasing and love unconditionally.
Look out for Faded 4 on Saturday and PLEASE SHARE!!!!!!
Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated.
Lookout for Part 5 of Pains; this Saturday.
© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan