Fallen Heights 4

Follow @adewus4real on  
⟹ ⟹ ⟹ PRESS PLAY HERE BEFORE READING

Dead Again by Asa 

It all felt like a dream.

I felt like I was staring down the wrong man. I felt like I was in the wrong place.

I must have been dreaming, I thought to myself.

My Pastor?

He just stared at me, as the shock all over my face was impossible to hide. I couldn’t muster the words to speak. This was the Pastor I had just seen in church a few hours ago!

Here he was looking at me expecting me to perform sexual acts on him. I just sat there; speechless.

He smiled and didn’t say my name; all he did was pull his zipper down. I knew what it meant. I gathered myself and tried to imagine him as any other client.

With each moan, I felt something deep inside me die a painful death. I almost wished I could stab him with an ice pick.

This man was a disgrace to everything but who was I to judge him?

After all, I was part of the same worship team at the church and here I was. But this was a married man with a spiritual flock of children to lead towards holiness.

I began to see the world for what it was on a different level.

All the things I went through growing up with my mother were hard and I always assumed that it was just how things were supposed to go but this, this made me terrified of humanity.

This same man would stand in front of a congregation the same weekend and preach to the people. A liar. A total liar.

 

But I continued to suck. Nibbling and sucking harder than I normally would, I wanted him to just cum so I could get out of there.

I was sucking hard and he neared his climax. I was not going to allow any of his seed in my mouth. Somehow that just felt like a graduated level of stooping low.

I rolled his balls in my hand as he neared and then I pulled my lips off him as he ejaculated all over his pants. He seemed angry that I didn’t catch it all in my mouth. I pulled the door open and bolted out of the car. I didn’t run.

This time I was too shocked at what had happened to run.

I heard the door slam behind me and then his car drove past me into the night. I could not believe it.

I sat down at a table a Denny’s restaurant open 24hrs and just tried to replay all that I had seen in the last few days.

 

.       .       .           .         .           .

 I had ordered some food at the Denny’s but I couldn’t eat it.

I had stayed there till sunrise. When I got home, I snuck into my room and lay down on my bed.

I never felt so dirty in my life. I could not believe how much I hated myself.

Not because I followed through with it but because there was not a second while he got in the car where I considered stopping.

I kept replaying it back in my head. This was supposed to be the father of our church; the leader of the flock. I just couldn’t understand all that had happened and how I had allowed myself to be involved in that.

I could have gotten out of the car but I didn’t. I could have confronted him but I didn’t. More than anything I felt like I had fallen so far beyond morals.

Why was the pastor on the street at that time of the night and in that neighborhood?

 

Nothing was making any sense but I was old enough to know that I couldn’t say anything especially since I was the “hooker” girl in the town and he was the revered man of God in the town. I was trying to navigate all of the last 12 hours in my mind. I was trying to make some sense of everything.

I was so tired.

My mind was replaying everything. Somehow I kept going back to my phone call with Ms. Lecia the night before. Why didn’t she come to get me?

I suddenly felt like I couldn’t trust her. I knew what Ms. Lecia was capable of.

Over the years, I had seen it first hand. Girls suddenly being moved, losing their government services, out on the street. I knew that if I went up against her over this issue, I could end up on the losing side.

 

I was stepping out of the shower when Ms. Lecia knocked and let herself in before I got a chance to respond. She walked in as I stood there in my towel and water dripped down my face.

I was looking at her as she sat down on my bed and said,

“Jade darling, how are you?”

I felt her words tickle down my spine. I swallowed hard and said,

“I’m fine Ms. Lecia”

 “How was last night?”

she asked as she scanned the room.

“It worked out”

she smiled and said,

“So you have something for me?”

 “Yes ma’am. It’s in the bag”

I pointed to my bag sitting on the table. She got up and walked up to it. Picking it up, she unzipped it and began to fish inside for the money. I stood there frozen as my body air-dried.

She pulled out the bundle of money I had placed in there. I made no money the night before. The Pastor hadn’t paid anything and I was too nervous to ask.

I had placed some of my money there. My stash had taken a significant hit but at least she was getting her money.

 

She turned around and said,

“Aren’t you going to put your clothes on?”

I moved and headed for my closet. I had my back turned to her as she counted the money and then I heard her say,

“So, anything interesting happen after I spoke to you last night? Anything noteworthy?”

I knew exactly what she was talking about but I didn’t turn around as I tried to put on a flat affect. I slowly turned around and said,

“No ma’am”

I turned back around as I heard her inch closer towards me. A few seconds later, she was breathing down my neck behind me. I tried to steady myself and then she said,

“That’s good and let’s keep it that way. You know Jade, sometimes interesting things happen to people and they feel the need to share and then it can hurt them. We wouldn’t want anything to happen to you, right?”

 

I nodded. But I knew it was a direct threat.

I knew exactly what she meant. It was a “rock the boat and I’ll pull the rug out from under your feet” threat.

The Pastor had obviously spoken to her and it was clear to me that if our interaction ever came to light, I was going to be the fall person. Ms.Lecia was going to protect herself and the Pastor.

In those short sentences she uttered, it was clear to me that in everything she did, I was always collateral damage and sacrificing me was always possible to her.

She would do it in a heartbeat.

“You’re going to church tomorrow right?

I need you to give some money to the Pastor. Tell him it’s a donation to the church building fund”

 

I said okay.

She rubbed my back and walked out of the room. I knew in that moment that I had to get out and I had to get out fast!

I put my clothes on. Reached for the rest of the money in my stash.

A few clothes together and my computer in my backpack and then I waited.

 

About an hour later, I heard her leaving the house. I rushed out the door and headed down the stairs. I went by the dining table and there was an envelope addressed to the Pastor. I picked it up and rushed into my car.

My next stop was a coffee shop about 15 minutes away from the house. I needed to talk to someone. And I knew just the person.

It was about an hour later when I had finished writing one of the longest emails I had written in a while. It was addressed to my therapist. I had been banking on her confidentiality.

Most importantly, I was banking on forcing her to break her confidentiality. I had detailed all the events of the last two days to her and in there, the final few lines in my message forced her to break her professional silence. It read,

“…… I have always teetered between what was right and would keep a roof over my head but with the events of the last 24 hours and my conversation with Ms.Lecia this morning, I am fearful for my life and my safety. I don’t know what she is capable of at the moment but I am also not hoping to have to find out the hard way. I don’t feel safe in her home, so I am leaving.”

 

I closed my laptop. My hope was that with everything I had told my therapist over time, she would talk to the police who would put out a protective detail for me and force the social services department to protect me.

My drive to the hotel I would lodge in was short. About 30 minutes later, I was settling into my room. I had some candles on the shelf and I bought a ton of alcohol.

I needed to alter my state and I needed sleep. The first glass was Hennessey and Apple Juice with Gatorade. I felt the first kick.

And then I looked at the time, it was a little after 5pm. I wouldn’t wake up till the morning.

 

.       .       .         .         .

Life by Efya

 My plan had backfired. It blew up way more than I had ever intended.

Overwhelm was on another level.

I had spent the entire day trying to comprehend the magnitude of what was happening.

I could not breathe.

Wherever I turned seemed to have my face on the screen.

My cry for help had set in motion a thorough examination of the system from Ms. Lecia to all the other foster homes in the area.

Everyone was being looked at, Ms. Lecia was being paraded on the television as she was arrested and the home was closed. The Pastor was also taken into custody while there were scenes of protests outside the church with people calling for it to be shut down.

One news station said that my case could potentially render many girls homeless as they began to explore their placement arrangements. Girls would be pulled from homes that they felt were not providing the most care.

I never intended for any of this. I truly just needed their support and a safe place to live. I was still trying to figure out how I got to this scary and lonely place.

My Facebook and twitter pages were flooded with hate. People called me names and compared me to the scum of the earth. I somehow felt like I was in a fish bowl and everyone was looking in on me.

I could feel the walls closing in on me.

There was no one to turn to.

Zoey had sent me this nasty text message that really got to me.

I tried to shake it off but it really got to me. I know she said it because she was hurt by the developments but her words really cut. I began to question all of me.

All my life, I had searched for my identity. For someone to love me completely and now, this life I had, however messed up was the closest thing I had to that.

And now it was being taken away from me.

In secret, my life had been difficult, people had turned me down and I had no one but the hope of a sister in another home, the hope that one day we would be reunited.

Life had dealt me a difficult hand after the other but I tried to remain strong but there was only so much more I could hold out for.

There was not a single place that wasn’t talking about the social services scandal that I had uncovered. Every thing was magnified.

They had my tweets online, some of my friends from school gave interviews about me. There were speculations about my person and everyone seemed to have an opinion.

No one was talking about the real me. The loving side of me or the resilient side of me, the fighter in me. Nothing of that sort was discussed.

I slowly watched any hope of me building a life in my community vanish. But there was something in me that continued to believe that it would pass. So I tried to stay strong.

 

I was staying in a hotel on the outskirts of town, somewhat away from all the media coverage around the house. I had returned from a walk where I had cried my eyes with no answers to all my problems.

I walked into the Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant to pick up some food. I was sitting on the couches at the front of the restaurant scrolling through my phone when a family walked in. The daughter looked at me while her family waited to be seated. She kept glancing over at me like she recognized me from somewhere and then right when they returned to call them to be seated, she looked at me in the face and pointed at the television as she said,

“I know you. You’re the girl on the T.V”

I turned around and true to it, there I was. In full high definition, my face graced the cover of the community’s resource for gossip and empty digest. I looked back at the girl with my face flushed with regret. She didn’t know exactly why I was on there; she couldn’t have, as she didn’t seem more than 7 years old.

But I knew and her mother knew as she shielded her away from me. I felt my heart crumble into tiny little pieces. This was not what I deserved.

A part of me died in that moment. The walk back to my hotel was the longest ever.

I knew I had given up. I just had nothing left to give.

I had lost my appetite for the chicken wings I bought and more importantly, I had lost my appetite for life.

For whatever reason, that interaction with the girl had gotten to me. It had cut deeper. I think in her innocent eyes, I felt myself as part of the evil in the world. Stories like mine would affect her. And then all I could think of was my younger sister, how could I ever face her again?

How could I ever try to tell her what was right from wrong?

I couldn’t take it anymore. My heart was racing. My head was pounding.

I could feel the cold hitting the back of my ears. My stomach was in knots.

My knees wobbled.

My palms became sweaty.

My gulps became harder. My breathing became shorter.

My eyes began to water. The tears began to flow.

I stopped right at the overpass. Looking down as cars disappeared, I pictured every hope I had of a normal future vanishing. Suddenly I was filled with rage, towards my mother and towards God. I knew what I was about to do was not right but why was he allowed to put me through all this?

It was often said that he only tested you with that which he felt you could handle but this was too much. It wasn’t fair. This wasn’t fair.

The hand I was dealt wasn’t fair.

The tears began to flood my eyes. I couldn’t breathe. I just wanted it all to be over. I placed the food down and climbed on the ledge.

My mind flashed back to 72 hours ago when this particular chain of events started and I reached for my phone. I typed out the message to my sister;

“No matter what, remember I love you. You are everything and so much more. I love you and I’m sorry”

I dropped the phone over the ledge and heard it smash on to the ground. And then I let go.

The lights went out shortly after.

The End

To some it can seem somewhat unfair that Jade eventually paid with her life after everything she had been through. In a way, I wrote this story to give credit to those that life deals the hardesr hands but try each day to make the best out of it.
There are many people like Jade out there, backs against the wall and having to do whatever possible to just stay afloat. Be thankful for your journey but also take it as a lesson to appreciate that of others. There will be Ms Lecia’s trying to use you and people like the “Pastor”, publicly screaming for your success but secretly only another tool to pull you down.

This story highlights resilience, determination, pain, struggles, hopelessness and above all, it shows that no matter what it is you build up, it can all crumble quickly so try to live right.

Jade might have jumped but you dont have to. Reach out to someone who loves you and together, reach for greater heights.

COMMENT!!! 

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Fallen Heights 3

Follow @adewus4real on  

 ⟹ ⟹ ⟹ PRESS PLAY HERE BEFORE READING

Her Past by Mar 

A couple hours later practice was over.

The way people always fled the church once we were done was actually fascinating to watch. I sat in the back just trying to compose myself.

I had just spent the last two hours belting out gospel tune after the other and trying to sell a perception of myself that I didn’t believe in.

I knew I had a good heart but I wasn’t a holy person.

I should have never been on that stage let alone leading them in worship. I would repeatedly feel sick to my stomach as I thought about all the things I had done.

But I would remind myself that I was hoping to get out soon enough; that I was a good person deep down and then.

 

I was busy booking the Uber ride when I heard my name. I looked up and the saw the Pastor of the church walking towards me.

I immediately remembered Ms Lecia’s tithe that I was meant to pay into the church’s coffers. I had almost left without doing it.

The Pastor walked up to me and sat next to me.

 

“Jade, my dear, how are you?”

 

he said.

 

I bowed my head in a mixture of shame and respect as he spoke.

 

“You have not been coming to church lately. What has been going on with you?”

 

he continued.

 

“I’ve just been really busy with work and school sir.”

 

I responded quietly.

 

He looked at me and smiled,

 

“You cannot be too busy for God”

 

he said and then continued on,

 

“God has a purpose for you. Everyday you are out in the world sinning, you diminish his plans for you. You have a light on you and a gift of a beautiful voice. You are meant to use it to glorify him not the world.

I heard from MsLecia that you’re sometimes out late and keeping questionable friends. That should not be heard of with a child of God. You need to decide on who you want to represent; God or the world. The world will only give you fleeting attention and lead you to sin. The wages of sin is death.

You need to live a life closer to God my dear.”

 

He turned and looked at me as I forced a smile and thanked him for his words. I truly felt empty.

 

.     .     .       .     .

 There was something about the ride. It was smooth but my heart continued to jump off the walls. I desperately wanted to make it stop but I could hear the words of the pastor playing over and over like a Vine looped without someone to stop it.

I just wanted to feel like I didn’t deserve all that but I knew I did.

There were no excuses to be made and I couldn’t conjure valid rebuttals. The truth was that I needed to get my life right and that meant getting out. I was thinking about it all and I just imagined my mother and all she went through for me to have a good life.

No matter what my mother went through, I always felt comforted by the fact that she had my best interests at heart. Even when she was selling drugs. I think that might have been what caused me to continue to tell myself that what Ms. Lecia was having me do was okay.

I knew it was wrong and I was getting tired of it but I had no way out.

 

Ms. Lecia and the pastor are siblings. Well half siblings.

They grew up together for years after their parents who had them separately got married. They divorced again but the kids Ms. Lecia and Pastor Clark stayed in contact.

Ms. Lecia was well known in the neighborhood. She was the last stop for girls that no one else in the system would take. So if you left her house without being adopted out or getting your own place, you were most likely going to end up on the street.

I was not going to let that happen to me. I was not going to be my mother.

I was not going to struggle with the same things she did but my means of security had to change. Being trapped by staying with Ms. Lecia was not healthy.

I still never understood why she had us doing that kind of work but I had heard from one of the girls that she had been assaulted in college and she basically was too traumatized to continue that eventually she dropped out and disappeared for two years.

She returned to the neighborhood she grew up in and has lived there since. She was said to be a different woman from when they last saw her.

Colder and more focused on her growth as a woman.

She got into various ventures and began to make a name for herself as a businesswoman.

For whatever reason, a lot of people were fearful of Ms. Lecia. Not many people wanted to approach her and even when she attended council meetings, what she said would go.

I realized later that she used us, the girls, as a way to control the city. She sent us to various men who we could then bring down if we chose to. That way she had them in her pocket, a lot of men in her pockets.

That was one of the things that scared me about quitting and running away. I always felt like I was trapped in a horribly negotiated contract. I was thankful to Ms, Lecia for taking me in but I was beginning to think about being more for sister and just for myself but what was I going to do.

 

.     .       .       .       .

The Uber driver David told me that I had arrived at my destination. It was an Old Victorian home that was very well lit in front. I thanked the driver as I shook the heaviness out of my heart and headed towards the house.

Up the stairs I began to wonder what the client would be like. I know I was doing something wrong but I still said a prayer before I walked into every space asking God to protect me.

I arrived at the door and I slowly opened it up.

The house was very tidy. Everything looked like it had its place and would seem completely off if moved around.

I had been told to head straight into the bedroom and wait for him. This was meant to be a short transaction. Give him what he was paying for and leave once he fell asleep.

I walked up the stairs inside the house. I gathered that he was a Caucasian male with two daughters. Probably divorced I figured as I let myself into the bedroom. I placed my bag on the bed and headed for the bathroom.

It had been a long day and a shower was in order.

I turned the shower on and headed back into the room to grab a shower cap. There was no way water was getting in my hair.

I returned a few minutes later to hot water spraying out of the showerhead.

 

The shower was short but again calming. I felt my troubles leave my shoulders.

Briefly forgetting my problems, I was now in work mode as I exited the shower. I dried myself up and headed in the room.

One foot on the bed; firmly on the bed, I began to lotion my entire body. Covering all the reachable inches of my body.

I slipped into my all white lingerie as had been requested. A few daps of my perfume around my neck, between my thighs and I was ready.

I sat down on the edge of the bed and I was actually scrolling through my Twitter timeline when I heard the door unlock. He was on the phone.

His voice grew as he approached the room. He ended the call shortly before he walked in.

The way he looked at me was the way you looked at a new pair of shoes at the mall. He had that

“I must have you” look as he headed towards me.

I was standing up to introduce myself when he grabbed me off the ground and dropped me on the bed.

My first thought was that he was rough but I think he was just built up. He wanted to get all of the aggression inside him out.

His hands were strong and his grip was safe. Weird to say but I was beginning to get turned on by how he was holding me.

He was kissing my neck and working his way towards my breasts. My eyes closed as I was starting to get into the groove.

And then the door opened.

I couldn’t believe my ears. I opened my eyes and caught the expression of shock boldly written all over his face. The front door had been opened.

“You gotta go”

He whispered as he hurriedly jumped off me and pushed me towards the closet door. He grabbed my bag and threw it in there after me.

He seemed pretty affluent and the closet was huge. But there I was living one of my worst nightmares; half-naked in a married man’s home.

“Baby, I’m home”

I heard her say as she walked up the stairs. She must have returned early from some sort of trip.

I just hoped I would not get caught.

They began to talk for a bit as I heard her take her clothes off. Oh shit!

What if she needed to grab something from the closet?!

I turned around and noticed that both their closets were connected.

For a few seconds, her voice died out while he spoke and then I heard hers pretty close. She was in her closet!

I freaked out and gasped.

She heard me and said,

“Who is that?”

I didn’t give her a moment to ask her follow up question. I grabbed my bag and bolted out of the closet. Barefoot and ass cheeks hanging out of my clothing items, I ran.

I ran for my life as I headed down the stairs towards the front door. I could hear her screaming at him.

I yanked the front door open and continued running. I don’t think I stopped until I was about half a mile away from the house.

I must have looked like a lunatic running in lingerie during the dark of the night. But I had to do it.

I stopped with my hands on my knees as I began to catch my breath.

It all seemed like I was going to die only moments prior. I could not understand what had just happened.

 

I walked into a dark corner and put my clothes on. I needed to get home.

I picked up my phone to call Ms. Lecia.

The phone rang a few times and then she answered.

“Ms. Lecia… Ms. Lecia”

I said as I tried to contain myself.

“His wife walked in!”

She paused for a second as she sounded like she was waking up and then she said,

“Did she see you?”

She didn’t ask if I was okay. Her asking me if she saw me did not register initially. But then I put it together later.

“No I don’t think she saw my face”

I replied now feeling somewhat irritated.

“That’s good”

“Can you please come and pick me up? I’m uptown”

I asked her. She again went silent and then said,

“Did he pay you?”

The expression on my face changed as I said

“No…. I ran out remember before we did anything”

She wasn’t silent this time as she said,

“You know the rules Jade. You have to make your allotted amount on the night you’re given a client. I can’t come and pick you up unless you have full payment ready”

I hung up.

I didn’t even let her finish. I was so angry.

How could she?!

After all the money I had made for her!

I was furious but I also knew what going up against her meant. I had seen another girl shipped to Utah because she disagreed with Ms. Lecia over what school she should attend. Now with her money?

Who knew what lengths she would go to.

I picked up my bag and knew I had to head downtown.

International Blvd was my stop. My heart had dropped. I was in shock.

 

.         .         .         .         .        .

Kneva Know by Iman Europe

 

11:28pm.

I certainly didn’t feel like I belonged here. Trust me when I say I knew I wasn’t right or righteous enough to even attempt to judge anyone but I was not a streetwalker.

The cold was harsh. I could feel my nipples harden like frozen grapes.

It was dark as I approached the corner of the street.

There were some other girls gathered there. I just kept my composure as I entered their territory.

I did not want to be targeted or cause any sort of trouble. After all, I didn’t know how this night was going to go and if I was going to make any money.

The kind of money I was expected to bring home from the initial job was 20 times more than what I would have made on the streets in one night but I still had try.

My plan was to find the best looking car and take them for all they had.

Ms.Lecia had enforced that all the girls in the home took a self defense course on Saturday every year to sharpen our skills but we were also instructed to carry a pocket knife and some pepper spray.

 

The street light wasn’t too bright.

Enough to obscure faces from people looking from afar. Police or otherwise.

Customers had to come close enough to see the “merchandise” they were going to be paying for. It was so cold.

I kept trying to distract myself from the cold but I couldn’t help but notice how scantly dressed the other girls were and they didn’t seem cold at all.

I was wearing a pencil skirt that stopped right above my knees but I still felt sexy enough. I had managed to stay fit all through that summer. And for the work I did, it was a plus if everything was firm and perky.

 

There I was trying to convince myself that this was a good idea. I had considered just returning home and giving Ms.Lecia some of the money I had stashed inside my mattress.

But that money was important to me. It was for rainy days or for the day I eventually summoned courage. How glad would I be that I stayed on the streets that night.

One car pulled up and a girl got in without saying a word and I panicked for a second.

“What if he hurt her?”

I thought to myself as one of the other ladies walked up to me and stood right beside me. She looked a bit older. I guessed maybe a couple of years or more.

She scanned me from top to bottom before she inched closer and spoke in a low tone,

 

“You need to loosen up and act like you’ve done this before. If not, these girls will eat you alive”

I looked at her with surprise written across my face. She smiled and nodded,

“How did you know? That it’s my first time that is”

I was able to muster.

She looked straight ahead and smiled and then turned towards me and said,

“Because you look just like I did on my first night out here. Young and terrified. You’ll be fine. Just breathe and be yourself”

 

She patted me on my back and less than a minute later, a car pulled up and she hopped in. I just stood there.

One after the other, the number of girls decreased.

Soon enough it was just two of us left. I was standing closer to the curb as I looked at the time; it was a few minutes after midnight.

I was beginning to think that I was going to strike out for the night when a Grey sedan parked right in front of me. The car was shiny and I heaved a sigh of relief as I felt I would finally make something of the night.

Not meeting Ms.Lecia’s demands was a terrifying prospect and so I was going to do everything to make sure I got all the money.

I straightened my shirt and walked towards the car.

The windows were tinted.

I reached for the door handle and pulled it open.

There was a very inviting scent that hit me as the lights in the car went on. Somehow the scent set off this calming feeling in me. The passenger side on first glance looked clean.

I sat down and turned to greet the person. The inner lights in the car hadn’t gone off as I turned and looked at him.

The man I saw stunned me and I must have done the same as his mouth was wide open. I never esperred it but I did not realize when I blurted out,

 

“Pastor?!!”

 

There were no other words needed.

 

COMMENT!!! 

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated.