Subway by Asa
All I could do was stare at her
It was a Saturday
And my friends had forced me to go out that day
I just wanted to stay in and play video games
And then I saw you walk along the way
I started to come and say hi
But many men swarmed you
So many other eyes
You smiled and greeted
My confidence slowly depleted
And then I began to compare
What made them better than me?
Taking the risk to step up to you and get turned down
Was one so huge I couldn’t bare
Making night rounds
I “stumble” on to his page
I know I shouldn’t go through
But I’m already here and I can’t help it
So what would you have me do?
Give me a second
Let me catch my breath
I’m scrolling down his timeline while I clutch my chest
Who is this bitch with her boobs hanging out her shirt?
Favorite tweet one
Retweet tweet two
Subtle signs to let him know that he should only be tweeting about you
I could ignore
When we argue
I wonder who he’s talking to
I hope it’s not one of those
One of those that won’t leave him alone
And try to stay under the radar
Like camouflaged drones
Blending in the shawdows
The have it drawn
Their bows and arrows
But the attention you give them only brings me sorrow
But I swear
You would never know
I don’t want to watch them talk to you
But I gotta play it cool
I can’t be all sweaty on my palms while hanging with my crew
I have to be honest when I say this
All I want is you
But you’re out there and what can a brother do
I hate your Instagram page
The comments are nice
But they feel like needles thru my viens
Knowing others see your beauty can be stressful
I want to be the only one that tells you
Am I twisted?
I turned and sat up in bed
Thoughts of you running crazily through my head
What if you’re with another man
Truly then I’d rather be dead
I’m shaking at the thought of losing you
If you weren’t mine
What would I do?
There is so much I want to do
Such heights I want to attain with you
But I can’t fathom how to be vulnerable enough to let you know
That I don’t want to be without you
She just started a new job at the law firm
I’m proud of her
I truly am
But there s something within me
That makes me want to scream
I’m better than
Somehow I feel like I’m in the shadow from afar
And then resentment begins to set in
Going out with her becomes a thing I’m dreading
They said pray for your own
Do some fasting
But nobody ever said
I would feel like the one who always has to be in the back seat
It comes into you and eats
Jealousy creeps in and defeats
Stay on your feet
The battle should be within
To be the best person you can be
Because the truth of the matter is
There is someone out there hoping to be you
And have what you have
So I say to you
Be content with what you have indeed
Don’t succumb greed
Jealousy only comes to defeat
Life should encourage you
Not force you to always want to compete
Over the last few weeks, I have been reevaluating the definition of this thing called love.
The same love will force you to move mountains for someone but could also have you heartbroken and in tears because you love someone and they don’t love you.
I have wondered about the strength of the word love.
Personally, I feel like our generation has not grasped the true meaning of it.
“Love is selfless”
Selfless in what sense, you ask?
Selfless in the sense that it can fend off so much from hurt to insecurities to life to pain. Today we allow love to be replaced by so many other unappealing emotions.
That’s how things like jealousy arise. You begin to find men and women who cannot stand or appreciate each other and would do anything to pull the other down because they do not truly love them
Loving selflessly is important. It is “okay” to feel a pinch when your friend gets a job you wanted but it should immediately be replaced with love.
Love in wanting the best for them.
Love in seeing their growth and letting it inspire you. As opposed to filling you with disgust, resentment and anger.
I had a friend this past summer, be put in a situation where he did not realize the truth about how he felt about me, would come out.
In hanging out, with some girlfriends of ours, he got upset about something and basically said he thought I was always putting him down because “Sanmi gets all the girls”
Everyone around was shocked and I was hugely disappointed because I have always had mad love and respect for the dude. It took me aback and led me to not trust him and most people.
I had the MOST HONEST AND OPEN conversation I have ever had with my mother a few days ago where she talked about what true love means.
Loving someone so much more than you love yourself.
Being willing to go through it all for their happiness.
Never letting your heart be consumed by anything but love. I wrote specifically about jealousy today but that is only one form of how a lack of pure and true love for another manifests itself.
I have friends and people I admire and aspire to be like but I never allow it to become jealousy. Never.
The feelings may start to creep in but it is your job to shut it out SUPER EARLY.
Never let yourself become envious or jealous of your brother/sister, be it about their relationships, jobs, belongings and even physical state.
Instead let what they have inspire you to be better always.
Today, I challenge you to love selflessly. Be happy for the people around you. Let lifting them up be your way of lifting yourself up.
Tonight, pick up the phone and pray for someone you love. Tell them you love them. Keep your heart pure from “unclean” thoughts.
Jealousy is only one way a lack of love shows. True love only has one way of showing itself. It grows.
Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated.
Lookout for part 4 of Fallen Heights; this Saturday.
© 2014 #WhatTheHeckMan