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The Wordsmith 4

The Wordsmith 4

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⟹ ⟹ ⟹ PRESS PLAY HERE BEFORE READING

Tiff by Simi

She was standing there stark naked. Like she was being punished in the town square like in the old days.

Water was dripping off her body and her nipples hard, as she stood there just staring at me in shock.

She stepped out of the tub and said

“You went through my phone?”

I scuffed with irritation

“That’s really your first line of response?

Wow.

I didn’t even have to go through your phone. The message popped up by itself and yes I clicked it.

So tell me Asha, how long have y’all been fucking?”

I could tell she felt insulted by that statement. Asha was not the type but before Jasmine came into my life, I was never a cheater either.

So when you can’t trust yourself, you begin to question the standing of everyone else.

“Excuse you?!”

she snapped back.

“I have never done anything with Ben. And I can’t be responsible for the feelings he has or doesn’t have. That’s on him.

And yes, I was planning on hanging out with him tonight because I’m tired of being neglected by you.

You know how many times you have left my side in the middle of the night to go and have sex with Jasmine?”

My eyes grew big and my mouth opened

“Oh, so you thought I didn’t know?”

She laughed and continued

“What a joke.

I’ve known since the last time she came into town. I watched you battle between staying faithful and being with her. I can tell you love her deeply but what use was me confronting you.

Your heart was with her and I knew that until she let you go, you would never look away from her.

I was the one in a relationship but I was the other woman.

So forgive me starting to work on a backup plan”

My mouth was still open. I felt like I had been caught with my pants down. I was in shock.

All I was able to mutter to a naked Asha was

“Wow”

Before I turned around, I ran into the room and grabbed my keys before darting out of the place. I heard her call after me

“Marshall, wait!”

I wasn’t sure why she was calling me but I wasn’t going to stay to find out.

I drove a few blocks down the street and parked by the waterside, my favorite spot.

Questions swirled around my head,

How did she know?

How much did she know?

How come she never said anything?

Did she got through my phone and see messages I sent to Jasmine?

Jasmine!

It clicked.

Maybe this was the opportunity for Jasmine and I to become something without having to deal with heartbreak on Asha’s part.

I started the car and darted for Jasmine’s place.

I was sad about the Asha situation but I was encouraged by the fact that Jasmine and I would soon be able to stay together.

I pulled into the parking lot and there was a car there with a man sitting in it.

The door on the second floor to where Jasmine stayed was open, a few seconds later, she walked out, suitcase in hand.

It literally felt like I had been slapped in the face as I said

 “You’re leaving again. Wow.

Why am I not surprised?”

She cut me off and said

 “Marsh, what are you talking about?”

 I looked at her and continued

 “Asha knew. Since before your little stunt at the dinner, she knew.

She had been watching. She knew I was only giving her half of me.

And here you are running away again.

It so funny because even when I knew it was over between Asha and I, I saw it as a sign to finally focus on you with no regrets but you’re so selfish.

So fucking selfish!”

 

She walked down a few more stairs. There were now about 4 or 5 steps between her and the ground.

She stopped and looked down at me as she said

 “Marsh, you know this place isn’t for me. You know everything out here triggers me and I don’t want to slip back into my old ways.

Besides, I never ask anyone for anything.

Expectations are the mother of disappointments”

 I was stunned. What The Heck Man!

What was she saying?

I replied

 “That’s a fucking cheap copout and you know it.

You know I’ve been your biggest support through everything. Even when your family turned on you. I was there!

At the hospital. It was ME!!!

You know what, you’re a lesson to me. I can easily say you have been using me this entire time. You come and leave when you please.

Have you ever taken me into account? Me!

My life, my goals, my dreams and how they are tied to you????!”

Tears streaming down my face. I couldn’t contain myself

 “I have hurt so many women because of the “love” I had for you. Holding onto the idea of you

I basically became a cheater for you.

To think I undignified myself for you. You knew you had me, you knew…. That’s why you would come and go as you pleased knowing I would never stray too far.

But today, I give up. The tears are in my eyes but you don’t know what you have done to my heart.

I broke someone’s for you, I guess it’s only karma that you put took the dagger to mine.”

 She just stood there as she slowly began to cry.

But I saw past all that emotion, I was so beyond that. I was so broken, that I couldn’t imagine loving again.

I was turning away when she said

 “Marsh!”

 I turned and snapped

 “Shut the fuck up!

Don’t you ever call my name again in your life? You know what, I don’t even hate you. I just hope you get help. You definitely need it”

 I was walking away when I noticed the wide-eyed “guy” sitting in the car.

I looked at him as he had shock written all over his face

I stopped briefly and said one thing to him. One thing only,

 “Run”

 I got into my car and sped out of the parking lot not even glancing back to see her. My eyes were flooded with tears.

I felt so alone.

So stupid of me

How couldn’t I have seen it coming?

All those years; wasted.

And she just walked away like that!

 

My heart was crushed. I had lost everything in a split second.

In a heartbeat, everything I looked up to was gone.

I left Asha at my apartment and I clearly wasn’t returning there that night.

I drove myself to that hotel I had checked into with Jasmine the last time.

I wore my sunglasses the entire time while I checked. I could tell the lady checking me in was feeling the awkwardness of my appearance but I chose not to acknowledge it.

I knew she was even more surprised when I asked

“Is room 925 available?”

She looked up at me with some concern and I said

“It’s just that I have stayed in that room before and I would prefer to stay there again.”

 “Oh okay. Let me see….

Well, it’s available. I guess it’s your lucky day”

She said

I faked a smile and nodded.

Some lucky day indeed

.     .     .     .     .

ALSO READ “Behind The Writer” here. Behind The Writer: http://wp.me/p3GjtC-hW

.      .       .      .       .

Of course I couldn’t sleep. I just lay there staring at the ceiling and playing back everything in my head. Form the interaction with Asha in the shower to confronting Jasmine. I just played all the years back.

I was juggling regret, pain, disappointment, loss, anger and love in my head.

Slowly, I picked myself off the bed and headed to the desk in the hotel room and I began to write to Asha.

It read:

My heart is in tatters

I struggle to find the words

To help close this chapter

You put my dreams to the sword

Failing to realize that all I had was love

I should have done more

Give you my all

You deserved that and more

But I was caught

Thinking I was in love

These words might seem like mere words to you

But they are the only things that ring true

It’s taken me this long to realize it

But I only want to be with you

I think I’m in love with you

There is nothing wrong in being in love with you

I wish we could go wherever you want to

Mistakes have been made

Lies told

Dreams sold

But it’s you I know

It is not mistake that you and I are meant to be together

I know I’ve hurt you and I don’t expect anything

But if there is still something

Let us fight for it

There words are all I have at the moment

I hope they convey my message

Time hasn’t stopped still

The pain I hope to heal

But I just wanted to let you know

This is how I feel

And you are what I need

I’m sorry.

Marsh

I felt some level of relief once I was done and I placed my head on the table as I began to cry again.

Sleep came.

And even from that night going forward, my relationship with sleep was never the same again.

I sealed the letter addressed to Asha and dropped it in the mailbox as I checked out of the hotel the next morning.

I returned to my apartment. It was empty.

Well, my things were still there but Asha was gone. You could tell that love had departed from that place.

Asha took all her things; her toothbrush, sponge, clothes in the drawer and even her special brown rice in the kitchen.

I just felt the emptiness really hit me hard.

The days were manageable. When I as at work I would barely think about her. Leslie was a great support at the office. She kept me smiling and I truly wouldn’t remember my situation until the drive back home or when I returned home.

Four months had passed since that night; I hadn’t heard anything from either one of them.

My anger towards Jasmine had waned. I was truly in love with her even if I knew we would never be together. I still cared but now from a distance.

Asha, well I never expected to hear from her again. So it made sense that she never reached out to me.

One evening, I returned from work and I just didn’t feel like being in my apartment by myself. I put my coat on and headed out for a walk.

I walked my normal route and soon found myself on the same bridge where I had met Jasmine years prior.

I just stood there for a second and took in the night-lights and the view.

I was continuing my walk when I turned and noticed a lady sitting on the ledge. She raised her head and looked at me and said

“Hello Wordsmith”

The biggest smile covered my face as I neared tears. I looked up to the skies and then down at her; the right woman came back.

 The End

Which one would you like to have come back Jasmine or Asha??

End the story how you would like it to have played out.

Thank you for enjoying “The Wordsmith” with me and Happy Birthday to the father of The Wordsmith!!!! MEEEEEEEEE lol.

CATCH UP ON MY PIECE: “Behind The Writer” here. Behind The Writer: http://wp.me/p3GjtC-hW

Share what you thought about “The Wordsmith” series.

PLEASE COMMENT!!! 

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for my new series next week.

© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WordsofWednesday · Art · Drama · Life · Oakland · Poetry · Uncategorized

Behind The Writer

Behind The Writer

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     This is where I show myself to you and in return I find more of me.

                                                                                                       -Sanmi

 Follow @adewus4real on  download
⟹ ⟹ ⟹ PRESS PLAY HERE BEFORE READING

Drake Tears by DeeFaisal

                                         

24 Truths Behind the Writer

  1. I am super sensitive. Don’t judge me jare.

And I overthink everything. This right here is the source of my many heartaches.

  1. I love plantain than some people. Lol

This sounds really bad butttttttt IDFWU! So I love my dodo( plantain) more!

Like I really wont share with you. Addiction you say?

Maybe.

But go and fry your own!

  1. I studied Psychology in Undergrad and I’m currently paying out of my left pinky toe for my MBA.
  2. I am the first of 4 children.

I adore them all and I will do anything to see them great.

  1. My best friend is the only person that has seen the depths of my fears and never judged me.

My mother is also everything to me. Love her to bits.

  1. I am SCARED OF CATS. I HATE THEM. Their eyes just always look like witchcraft!
  2. I hate scary movies.

Well because they scare me but also if they are not Nigerian scary movies, I don’t believe they are real. Soooo pass please

  1. I graduated high school at 15. It’s not the age I finished that matters, its just to let you know that, it was the year struggle departed from my life under the anointing. Lol. Early that year, I had finished last in my class during the first term. Only because came late from America and joined them on the last day of October.
  2. I wear socks ALL THE TIME.
    The easiest way for me to get sick is by catching a cold from either exposing my head or my feet. So I wear a pair of socks always and my beanie is never too far away from me.
  3. I HATE soggy rice or leftovers. I cook what I need and I hate when stuff goes into the fridge.
  4. I absolutely enjoy pleasuring my partner. I will eat it all.
    Wet and soaked, moisturize my beard. Please and thank you.
  5. I sleep closest to the door whenever I share a bed with anyone I’m with. Some protective instinct jargon lol.

Na lie! I just love being close to the door, incase a bush baby comes. I will be first one out of the door!

  1. I love writing. I write all the time.

And I love creating new material for you all.

  1. My favorite color is burgundy. But my favorite color to wear is black.
  2. I hate borrowing people money. I would rather give it to you than borrow you the money. Because I hate having to ask for it back. Even though its mine.
  3. I have had sex in a plane before. Lol.
    Don’t try this at home. Well, you would need a plane to make that happen. Lol
  4. I love strawberry flavored products but fresh strawberries themselves?

Not the biggest fan of. Well unless I’m feeding it to… lol nah never mind. J

  1. I am hopeless romantic. I go the extra mile to make my woman feel special.
    I can sometimes over do it. #StopTheBashingOfNigerianMen as not being romantic!
  2. I am the 36th grandchild on my mother’s side and they used to tease me for being a king bedwetter. One time, I wet the bed and it literally made the map of Africa! As my cousins, they can verify.
  3. I am a MANCHESTER UNITED fan.
    Next level stuff. I take their statuses personal. When they win, I’m winning. When they lose, well, don’t talk to me.
  4. I love wearing suits. It’s just a problem lol.
    Blame my father. The man has impeccable taste.
  5. I went to Mayflower School in Nigeria and then Redeemer’s High School.
    My juniors punished me on my first day of school. I still want to kill those boys!
  6. I am extremely impatient.

But I am trying in 2015 to be slower to anger and a better listener.
Try not to dismiss people that I care about.

BEING MORE PRAYERFUL.

  1. My birthday is on the 31st. I will be accepting boxes of plantain, shoes from Aldo, suits from anywhere with nice fitted suits. And I don’t mind being flown out to cities with warm weather. 

 

 

 

Top Songs

  1. Deeper by Marvin Sapp

This song speaks life to me and to my situation. Only one that is in a fixed spot

  1. Gbono Feli Feli (Dbanj Sample) by M.I Abaga

When Ifeanyi and I start with this song! Too hype!

  1. The Box by Tay Aiwar

Just takes you to a place.

  1. Sing by Ed Sheeran

You just can’t sing this song without being happy! Broda mi Ed, is such a happy fellow!

  1. Beautiful by Mali Music

A daily reminder to keep you head up and remember you are Beautiful in your own way.

  1. Do I Move You? by Nina Simone.

Nothing left to say.

  1. Feeling Good by Nina Simone.

I think you get the sense of how I feel about her now.

  1. Blackbird Cover (Live in the Studio) by Jordan Rakei

The man sounds nothing like he looks but his voice is magical.

  1. I See Fire by Ed Sheeran

Such a subtly emotional song.

  1. Surulere Remix by Dr Sid ft. Don Jazzy, Wizkid and Phyno

This is the song with my niggaz!

  1. Selfish by Jordan Rakei

When she broke my heart

  1. Ba’ye Molla by Femi Naija

Such a feel good song. You can’t listen without smiling!

 

 

 

Favorite Artist

 

M.I Abaga. The man doesn’t know it but his “Talk About It” album spoke to me. I admire him a great deal.

But I have close followers in Ed Sheeran (he is my brother btw, I don’t care what you think), Jordan Rakei, Nina Simone, Marvin Sapp and a very close last is a young kid on the block but with writing skills beyond his years; his name is Tay Aiwar.

 

Do you have fears?

 Yes. Being seen as worthless or not good enough. Or the people I love giving up on me.

 Are your stories about you?

 Nope! I write very little about myself. I might write about certain emotions in my life, fusing them in the story but almost all my stories are fictional.

I would go as far as saying that the breakdown of the stories is
25% real life elements and 75% created and fictional elements. Besides it is hard to write about myself, some people on here know my mother before they go and report me and I get grounded or have my computer taken away.

 

Have you ever been or are you in love?

Sigh. Yes and yes I am.

Why “#WhatTheHeckMan”?

Simple and short, my mother would never stand for me saying “WhatTheFuck”, What The Heck Man, is the musings of a young man navigating life and along the way, I get to points where I want to scream “What The Heck Man”.

I also love making you all say it at the end of a story when there is a cliffhanger.

 The pictures u use in writing most of your series, do u just take them for that purpose, or you happen to take off guard sort of pictures and it ends up coming in handy for you when you start to put your words together?

 I started taking my own pictures for my stories because my audience grew. I formerly used to just get pictures off Google but I began to worry about copyright issues. So I take my own pictures now. I take pictures all the time, most times for stories but sometimes, random pictures come in handy for stories; especially when I am too lazy or busy to go out and take new ones.

I also really love photography. The same way I want my stories to elicit emotions, I love watching pictures send a message and stir up whatever emotion. I hope this question leads to me getting a camera for my birthday. I want to take this photography thing to the next level.

 What would you consider to be the biggest strengths of your personality?

 Being able to connect with people over different things.

Last time you had sex?

It’s been a while. Help me fix it? Please.

 Do you have a special woman in your life?

 Yes na! She is kind, warming, loving, PRAYERFUL, HARDWORKING and she never burns my plantain. She’s my beautiful mother.

 How do u get to convince whoever is ur photographer to take a pics of you in the slumpy areas?

I take 95% of my pictures by myself. Hard to believe, but true. Shout out to my trusty shoebox and soon my tripod. J

How do you joggle with work, writing and your M.Sc Program?

 When you love something as much as I love writing and creating stories, it is easier to make time. But let me be very honest, I work 40+ hours a week, I write for another 10ish documenting my work and then school work is another full time job on it own. Lol

But I love bringing stories to you guys. I LOVE THE INTERACTION WITH YOU ALL. That’s why when people don’t comment, it truly gets to me It does.

I watch the views go up but the comments struggle to match up.
I READ EVERY COMMENT. I TAKE ALL YOUR FEEDBACK INTO ACCOUNT. It is one of the easiest ways for me to get better.

Some of you want a book from me but I need the complete confidence in my art and that comes from hearing it from you guys. You all the sample demographic, I am to write to. So if you all approve, I feel better about trusting my art with the whole world.
You are the fuel to have me share my work. You, yes YOU!

Are you as sexual as your stories are?

Even more but don’t loud it.

 When did you discover your talent as far as writing and creating stories?

 I would say I discovered it when I was 13. More or less, stumbled on it through heartbreak. But as far as creating stories, that came from constantly creating drama scripts for my youth groups. They came natural to me. Tell me the story line you wanted and I would come up with it in minutes.

They would always not choose my story first but eventually, it was mine they would still perform.
I could not contain the ideas I had again, so I started writing.

How do you feel about a woman making the first move?

Done right? Sexy AF!

 When did it dawn on you that it isn’t something everyone possesses and what got you to just put pen to paper, or fingers to your keyboard whatever the case is and just write?

 It still hasn’t dawned on me to be honest. I started writing out of frustration but I put my pen to paper because I realized that my words meant something to people; my family, girlfriends or just friends.

I saw my mother cry from a poem I wrote in 4 minutes and my girlfriend get soaking wet and horny from a short story I wrote while I was in the bathroom. I put my mind to writing when I noticed my own words could elicit emotions.

 What are you getting your Masters in and what is your first degree about?

 I am getting my MBA in International Marketing. My undergraduate degree was in Psychology.

 When will you marry……..me?

 God’s appointed time. Lol. When he finally perfects your plantain frying abilities.

What inspires you?

 I know it sounds cliché but EVERYTHING inspires me. I create stories from everything. Empty from a friend losing his aunt or the piece Homeless from my interaction with a homeless man. It can range from anything to anything lol.

I saw a pilot buying coffee at the airport today and I got a story line from that. Look out for that piece.

Pet peeve when it comes to your blog or readers?

 PEOPLE THAT DO NOT COMMENT!!!! Especially Nnenna!

Like I can see you read it! Leave me flipping comment! Lol
Also people not sharing the pieces, tell people about them. Share the art.
People that favorite the tweets about the story on Twitter and don’t RETWEET the links.

No be everybody dey look your favorites!!!!

Can we have sex?

Maybe. But probably NOT.

Has your family ever read your blog?

Are you the devil?? No!!!!!! lol

 

3 things that inspire you the most

  1. Life
  2. Emotions I see
  3. My experiences


Your biggest role model

This is a cross between Pastor Adeboye and my father. I aspire to be humble like Pastor Adeboye and I look up to my father. Everyone that meets him loves him and he cares deeply about everyone. He went from being a millionaire to losing everything. Yet, he never changed or compromised his character or integrity for anything. I admire that.

Favourite author / book

 The Adventures of The Old Wishing Chair by Enid Blyton

One of the first books etched in my memory. I read it as a kid.

I am sentimental. I know.

If you could meet anyone tomorrow, who would it be? Why? What would you do/say?

 Every single one of you guys. I would host a party to finally meet all the people that carried me through 2014 without even really knowing it.

And all I would say is “Thank You” and then get mad at all of you that don’t consistently comment! Lol. Especially Nnenna!!!!

Are you a boob or butt guy?

I like butts. One in particular. Even when she’s mad at you, they’ll still talk back to you.

If you had one day to do and say whatever you wanted with no repercussions, what would you do?

 I would ask for more days. Omo I can talk o! I would need more days but I would probably tell the truth about certain pains I have kept hidden all my life.

And call out some fake people.

 How do you suggest I help given the circumstances. In hindsight on your own situation, what would you have loved for those in your life to do to help out more?

 Never stop letting him know you love him. In whatever way possible. Small or big.

DO NOT MAKE IT ABOUT YOU AND HOW YOU WOULD FEEL.

Try to understand why he feels so hopeless and give him hope.
PRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would have hoped people in my life, were somewhat more patient and they prayed more for me. God and only God gives peace.

He will calm the storm.

I know your passion for writing came from heart break, but what else motivates you to write?

 My urge to build stories and push creative boundaries. Everything aids this.

 Ever been heartbroken?

 Self induced and afflicted.

 What’s your favorite dish? (Doesn’t have to be Nigerian)

 White rice and efo (stocked with smoked turkey, chicken bites, shrimp and gizzard, PLANTAIN, chicken and a can of Arizona iced tea (Kiwi Strawberry flavored).

I plan on eating cleaner in 2015 but my rice is not up for debate. Thank you and God bless you for coming!

What would you say is your sexiest asset?

My way with words.

 Where are some places you hope to travel to in 2015?

 Mexico, London, Dominican Republic and Nigeria. Might throw in another African country in there but we’ll see.

Woman Crush?

Sofia Vergara and Yemi Alade.

When did you move out of your parent’s home?

18.

 When did you last feel proud of yourself?

 Returning from volunteering in Mexico.

Last impulsive thing you have done?

Flew in the love of my life. In under 24 hours.

Will you marry me? Lmbooo 😋😏

 Yes! Wedding will feature Arbor Mist and Mongolian BBQ. Let’s do it now!

What can we expect from #WhatTheHeckMan in 2015?

Newness. A new approach.

2014 was a trying year for me personally. I have stories to tell you all!
But on the blog, more definition in pieces and obviously same consistent amazing content! J

 

There will be #WordsOfWednesday, where we navigate this life together. My poems to share my thoughts and views with you.
Titles of upcoming stories and previews for next parts maybe dropped on here.

The first Wednesday in the month will feature a video where I recap the story for the month before.

The #WhatTheHeckMan playlist will updated and constantly revamped. Share my musical taste with me.

There will be #WTHMAfterdark; randomly dropped but with that hastag. Well, I wanted to call them #WetWednesdays but we will say. Anyway, they will be short pieces to open the floodgates.

Our main showpiece #SanmiSaturdays will be everly present. More exciting stories to stimulate all sorts of feelings and new lessons for everyone to learn.

I want to grow my skills and I want to grow with you all. I want to make you laugh, cry, think, pray, forgive, work better, fight harder. I want my words to serve as a medium between fictional reality and tangible emotions. I always want you to “feel” something.

My wish in 2015, I REALLY WANT A WEB SERIES FOR #WhatTheHeckMan people. Pray for it and if you know anyone in the area that is interested.

 

Thank you all for being part of the “Behind The Writer” process with me. It opened my eyes to a lot!

Thank you sooo much for all your love, support and feedback. Please comment and let’s chat, I would love to hear what you think about me

 

Art · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Sex

The Wordsmith 3

The Wordsmith 3

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 Follow @adewus4real on  download
⟹ ⟹ ⟹ PRESS PLAY HERE BEFORE READING

 

The rest of dinner couldn’t go fast enough. I just wanted to get out of there.

Jasmine was being so tempted. Giving me dirty looks across the table whenever she got the opportunity.

My member was rock hard and not behaving. Asha was so oblivious to the whole thing and just chatting away.

We all took pictures and shared some cake.

About 45 minutes later, we were bolting out of the place.

I was driving home as quickly as possible and trying to play it cook with Asha and not be suspicious.

 

We arrived at the house and I reckon that Asha must have been really tired. I went into the bathroom and returned. Asha was fast asleep on the bed. I climbed the bed with one of her wipes and cleaned off her lipstick.

She hated sleeping with makeup on and she definitely was not going to smear my bed.

I waited a few minutes and then I left.

 

I slowly knocked on the door and waited for it to open. I leaned on my right hand.

My mind was racing.

I was having a quick conversation with myself on whether or not, I was going to do anything.

I knew what would happen if Jasmine opened the door but I tried to convince myself that it was just going to be me talking to her.

After all, I still needed answers for the last time she left.

 

I didn’t knock again the door slowly opened and there was Jasmine.

Black lace panties.

Candles.

Heels.

A cool breeze coming in from her balcony

I just stood there and stared at her. This woman was beautiful as always. I felt a twitch between my legs and I immediately began to regret coming down.

She sipped from her glass of wine and said

 

“Are you just going to stand there?”

I walked into the apartment and she closed the door behind me.

I never left that 10 feet radius.

I asked

“So what happened to you the last time Jasmine?”

No answer.

She came close and slid her hand down behind my belt and into my pants. Her hand was cold but the heat down there was rising.

She leaned in and kissed me hard. It was hot. Her lips were initially cold from the wine she was drinking but it quickly warmed up. She sucked on my lips so hard my bottom lip bled on the inside.

“No talking.”

 

She said

“Just fuck me”

I stopped and looked into her eyes. I had a split second there where I could have pulled out and made it home safe but I opted not to.

My eyes searched hers looking for answers.

For truth, for security, for new

But I found nothing and I still kissed her.

I turned her and pinned up against the back of her door.

The glass cup slipped out of her fingers and smashed on the floor.

 

I began to kiss down the back of her neck and then down her back. I spread her legs with my hands as my right index finger drenched itself in her wet.

I pulled my pants down with my left hand. Dropping to my knees, my member dangled in the air.

Ready.

I so wanted to hear her moan. I wanted her to beg me.

For the sleepless nights she continued to give me. For making me feel like I was not good enough.

 

I slid into her. She gasped and scratched the back of the door.

It was rough and her being in her heels was a huge help in bringing her up off the ground and closer to me.

I continued to go as fast as I could and then she did that thing.

One of the few things that drove me into overdrive whenever she and I had sex.

She looked back as she moaned and said

 

“Fuck me, fuck me till I cry!

I know, I’ve been bad. I know Ive been a very bad girl.

I left and didn’t say by….

Fuck me!

Harder…”

 

Of course you know I went harder. Steadying her waist, I just kept going.

“Pull my hair Marsh!”

She yelled

 

I reached for it and continued to thrust.

She knew I was cumming as I began to grunt and I pulled out of her. You would expect that she would be tired but instead, she dropped into a squatting position.

She grabbed my member before I had a chance to run away and she slowly took it into her mouth, while she fingered herself.

I held my moans inside as she slurped and worked her way from tip to base.

I got my second wind shortly after and she didn’t let me out of her mouth until I continued to spray my seed into her mouth.

 

I staggered back and sat on the kitchen island, my pants still at my knees. She got up and fixed her panties while she licked off her fingers. I felt chills travel down my spine.

 “I know you have to get back to your woman.

So we’ll talk tomorrow”

She said as she picked up her dustpan to sweep up the broken glass.

I finished putting on my pants as I said

“Yeah, I do”

I walked to the door and she gave me a hug and for lack of a better word, she dismissed me.

I felt so used. I knew I had lost my leverage.

She wasn’t going to call me but something in me, made me believe that she would.

 

The drive home was short and I smoked a cigarette outside before crawling into bed with Asha. Incase she asked where I had been, I would lie that I took a long walk and smoked.

The smell of smoke masking that of sex.

I lay there awake till sleep visited me that night. I was a slave to Jasmine.

Something had to give.

 

.       .       .         .         .

 Everyone has that Leslie. That work confidant or gossip buddy. She was always there to listen to me and well talk about her problems whenever she had them.

Leslie was older and her advice proved invaluable time and time again.

“Leslie, you have to understand that she is also adopted. That might have played a factor, you know”

Leslie briefly lifted her head up and through the top of her glasses, she looked at me square in the face and said

“That’s just you making excuses for her as always.

How many years have you been doing this for

Women come into your lives. Great women. Women other men would give everything for. Yet you push them away because you are holding out for someone who clearly doesn’t have their stuff together to be everything for you”

I bowed my head and tried to not seem like the words hit me but they did.

“You know you’re family to me.”

Leslie continued

“But this situation with her is unhealthy. You can’t put your life and happiness on hold because of her. Neither should you be hinging your happiness to a person other than yourself anyways.

It’s time and I think after all these years, you know it too”

 

The truth they say is bitter.

I disagree. I believe that the truth is palatable but our taste buds want to hang to the familiarity that “lies” bring.

Leslie was not the first one to tell me all that she had just said but for some reason. It stuck that day.

That day, I connected with what needed to happen and I was prepared to do it.

Many beautiful and wonderful women had come into my life and I would continue to push them away.

It won’t like Jasmine was giving me anything. She was actually taking more from me.

I was now a man that thought it was okay to be unfaithful and not give my all to a woman who adored me.

It all needed to change.

I was sure of at least that.

How much things needed to change?

Well, I wasn’t sure about that yet.

I truly loved Asha and maybe I didn’t give myself enough time to explore her beauty.

And I was at least ready to give my heart to her.

It might be hard for some to understand how that single conversation with Leslie changed everything but it did.

But I remembered when I was younger and I would go on evangelism trips with my local church in the community.

I remember I would get frustrated when people that I gave flyers to, would throw them away right in front of me after I gave it to them. It was extremely difficult to watch.

But one Saturday afternoon, I was complaining to my pastor about the same thing and then he pulled me aside and said

 

“When you buy a car and you get a great deal, do you thank the people in the assembly line that put the car together?

Or do you remember the guy who actually handed you the keys?”

I pondered on it and said

“no one remembers the assembly line workers. I’ll only remember the guy”

My pastor smiled and said

“Exactly”

“You are part of the assembly line. So keep on doing your part and hope that the last person in the line does their part.

Because your foundation work is just as important as them closing the deal at the end.”

 

That analogy stuck with me. Leslie was the last important piece in the chain. She closed the deal and she didn’t even know it.

I finally packed up to head out of the office.

Leslie looked at me and said

 “You okay over there hunny?”

I smiled and nodded. I said

“I’m okay Les.

I just know what I need to do now.

Thanks as always”

She smiled and nodded

.     .     .       .       .

 There was heaviness in my heart the whole ride home.

I pulled up in front of my apartment and I found parking a little down the street.

I parked my car and grabbed my laptop bag out of the passenger’s seat and headed towards my place.

I reached the door just as Asha was walking up.

She smiled and said

“Hey baby, how are you?”

as she placed her right hand on my cheek.

I forced a smile as I said

“It was good babe”

I asked how hers was and she said it was good too.

I opened the door and we walked towards the elevator to take us up to the 4th floor. Randomly Asha said,

“Oh babe, I can’t spend the night. They just called me in to work”

I was actually disappointed and a bit sad because the heaviness in my heart was because of the loaded conversation I wanted to have with her.

The plan had been for her to spend the night and we would eat dinner and talk but now I had to change things up a bit.

We got into the apartment and I sat on the edge of the bed as I began to take off my socks.

“Are you at least still spending the weekend here?”

I asked a bit salty

She smiled and sat next to me as she said

“Yes baby. Yes I am”

as she kissed the side of my face. Her lips so soft and warm I wanted more.

I turned and looked straight into her eyes and then I leaned in for another kiss and then another followed.

 

The strokes were long. The moans were longer. There were very few words being said. The complete opposite to what I had been hoping for when I arrived.

Unlike many men, that night was one of the few where I actually wanted to talk.

I won’t lie and say the sex wasn’t a good release. It was a short distraction from what I wanted to talk about. I didn’t last long either way.

 

She rolled over and began heading for the bathroom as I laid on the bed. I said

“Asha, I love you”

I think that must have been the sincerest I had ever been in saying that. That day, I just saw her in such a different light. I saw all her beauty and all her grace.

I felt something pull in my heart.

That statement might carry a bit more weight if I wasn’t explaining it to you after we had just had sex but it was so true in my heart.

 

She looked back and had the cutest smile on her face. Naked, she walked back towards me and said as she planted a kiss on my forehead

“Aww… baby. I love you too. You know that”

I nodded and she walked into the bathroom

And then she said

“Babe, did you remember to send me your measurements for Sue’s wedding so my aunt can start working on your tux at the shop?”

I realized I had forgotten to send them to her as my eyes grew big and I went silent.

She knew me and she knew I had forgotten

With a smile on her face from inside the bathroom, she said

 “Marsh, pick up your laptop now and send it to me”

There was even a slight chuckle as she finished up her statement. About a minute must have passed when she said

“Oh babe, go to the recent pictures on my phone and check out some of the designs my aunt sent to me earlier.

See which ones you liked”

 

I finished sending the email to her and then I reached for her phone on her side of the bed, pulling it up, I swiped right.

I was looking through the various designs when the top of her iPhone lit up and a message came through, it was from Ben.

 

The message scrolled through the top of the screen and it read

“I can’t wait to see you tonight.”

My heart skipped a pump. I felt my lungs close in.

I knew a Ben. It couldn’t be my Ben.

Fuck that! It shouldn’t be any Ben at all!

 

So I clicked on the message and without reading the details of other messages, I clicked on the contact icon.

I checked the number for the contact “Ben” and then I picked up my phone to see if the numbers corresponded.

“8…3…2…. 4…4…4”

Fuck!

The numbers matched.

I returned to the message on Asha’s phone and began reading through their conversation.

I am pretty sure I shed a tear when I read the text from Ben to her saying

“I think I’m in love with you”

And she responded with these emoji’s

“🙈😍❤️”

I felt like I was being gutted in my stomach as I gasped out loud.

Asha heard it and said

 “Babe, what’s wrong?!”

I swallowed hard, got up and walked into the bathroom and said

“I’m just wondering why my friend Ben is saying he loves you”

The water went off in the behind the curtain at exactly the same time she yelled out

“What….”

 

Asha, Marshall, Jasmine, Ben???? How does it all go down? Who will make sense of it all? Return for PART 4.

Now I know you want part 4. So comment and let’s get this going. It’s ready and waiting but YOU gotta give me something too! 

So comment away!

 

PLEASE COMMENT!!! 

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Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for my part 4 on SATURDAY

© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan

Uncategorized

The Wordsmith 2

The Wordsmith 2

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⟹ ⟹ ⟹ PRESS PLAY HERE BEFORE READING

The A Team by Ed Sheeran

“Babe, you know how the end of the month gets with work documentations.

I’ve been working”

I told Asha over the phone as I began cleaning up the hotel room.

“Oh sorry babe. Didn’t mean to disturb.

Just wanted to make sure you were okay and tell you that I miss you”

“I miss you too baby.

Trust me, I’ve been thinking about you all day too”

I lied to Asha as I got out of having to explain my whereabouts of the night before.

It was a regular thing.

Whenever Jasmine was in my life, I somehow had to lie to Asha.

It was killing me but I couldn’t help it.

Jasmine’s disappearance was not unusual.

Upsetting?

Yes.

Surprising?

No.

This was somewhat the routine and I was the fool for not breaking out of it.

If there is one thing that my job allows me to do, it’s compartmentalize.

I have to remain attentive to everything that is being said and have it written down. My job is to capture the words.

Not the emotions.

I remember walking into the office that Monday. I had still not heard from Jasmine.

From days past, there have been incidents where Jasmine has been gone for days without anyone knowing where she was.

There was one particular incident that tugged on my heartstrings. I remember being called at 4am in the morning one night. I was sleeping next to Asha when the phone rang. I remember the police officer saying

“is this Mr. Marshall Walters?”

I answered as I cleared my throat;

“Yes”

“This is the San Diego police department; we need you to come down to the Highland hospital to identify a person”

I cleaned my eyes with my left hand as I sat up straight and asked

“Is the person dead?”

My voice laced with concern.

He clarified

“No. they are alive but currently really out of it”

I got some more details from him and I ended the call. I began to get out of bed when Asha rolled over and asked

“Where are you going baby?”

My back was turned to her as I said

“I have to rush to the hospital to help one of my friends at the emergency room”

“Oh! Who is it?

Are they okay?”

She asked as she got up

“It’s no one you know babe. They are okay.

I’ll be back soon”

I tried not to make any eye contact as I made my way out of the room. Something kept ringing in my head.

I had lied.

That was the process. I was always stepping in for her.

I was lying to do things for her.

I was in a relationship but my heart was committed to another. The connection I felt with Jasmine was one that I couldn’t replicate with anyone else.

Asha was great and I loved her but I wasn’t in love with her.

I was still stuck in love with Jasmine.

I arrived at the hospital and they let me in after I identified myself.

I went to the police officer as he said

“Mr. Walters?”

I nodded.

“Thanks for coming in under short notice. We got a call from the motel staff that the door had been locked from the inside 3days past the time paid for.

We broke in and found her passed out inside the bathtub. She has lost a lot of body fluid and was very weak. She is stable now.”

I was shocked and all I could say was

“Wow”

“Yeah, it seemed pretty bad. She is lucky to be alive.

We noticed that your number had been calling consistently for the past 4days. So we called you first.

There were no family indicated numbers in there. So yeah, she’s in there”

The police officer wrapped up as he pointed to the room where she was laying.

I thanked the officer as I walked in there.

I was actually terrified that she would have either been dead or hurt herself. I sat next to her bed; she was patched up with bruises all over her hands.

There were bandages on her left arm and the iv passed into her left wrist.

It was clear that she must have done some drugs that weekend. I just sat there and wondered if she knew how the people that loved her felt when things like this happened.

I just imagined how my mother or father would react if something bad happened to me.

That was the difference right there. My parents would care and many parents would, even hers but Jasmine somehow did not connect with her parents.

She was adopted six days after she was born. Her birth mother had passed away during childbirth. You could essentially claim that her adopted mother birth her.

She admits that she was given the most love and car by her adopted parents. She was raised like she was their own.

Honor roll student, dean’s list in college, studied abroad and all that good stuff but things went sour after she graduated from college.

She moved from Sacramento down to Los Angeles to “find herself” but she was not able to find anything.

She fell in love with a guy there who had promised to give her the world and help her find a job but only led her into drugs. They became romantically involved and when they broke up, she just spiraled out.

The drugs she cut back on but she turned full fledged into alcohol. And it only got worse over time.

Being so far away from her family, there was no one to keep an eye on her.

She just plunged deeper into her sadness. Her days were dark and filled with alcohol when she was awake. She would drink, pass out, wake up and then drink some more.

When she was fed up with her life in Los Angeles, she moved down to San Diego which was only a couple of hours away but it served as a fresh start for her.

Let’s just say that things didn’t go that well over their either and it was only a matter of time before she returned to her previous behaviors and vices.

The problem with Jasmine is that when she is on the up, not a single soul can tell she is an alcoholic.

No signs at all.

But if she is nearing a relapse, she withdraws and pulls herself away. I strongly believe that she must have felt another coming on before she left that night from the hotel room.

I woke up to the sound of the charge nurse asking me who I was

“I’m her boyfriend”

I responded before I had time to think. I was not her boyfriend but I just blurted it out and it actually felt right to say.

“She’s very low on fluids and her body needs time to recover. That’s why she has the drips running through her.

It may take a couple of days for her to recover but she will. She should be fine”

The nurse said as she filled her chart.

I was grateful and relieved that she had not done any lasting damage.

“Thank you for everything. 

If possible can someone keep an eye on her, she has a habit of leaving unannounced.”

I told the nurse as I began to leave. It was a little past noon and I had been there since 5am. I needed to get home.

I gave her a kiss on her forehead as she muffled a moan out. Heading down the hallway, my phone began to buzz.

I looked down at it.

Asha.

“Hey babe, what’s going on?”

I asked

“Nothing love. I just wanted to check on you and make sure your friend was okay”

I sighed heavily and responded

“Yeah, he’s doing okay.

Stable now.

How are you love?”

“I’m okay baby. Just finishing up at the store.

When will you be home?

Do you want me to come and cook you something?”

I shook my head as I politely declined and told her I just wanted to sleep.

She took it without saying much back but I knew that was hard for her to hear.

Problem was that it was also hard for me to say.

Imagine having to say

 “I’m your boyfriend but I’m her soulmate”

I was in love with Jasmine and while I had love for Asha, I felt stuck.

I didn’t want to hurt Asha but I couldn’t count on Jasmine enough to leave.

I don’t even have the words to explain it all.

 .     .     .       .       .

I’ve always been good with words but how was I supposed to break up with a woman who clearly loved me.

Asha gave everything to and for me. Not sound like an ingrate or something, I truly appreciated her.

But you know in your heart. You just know.

When you sleep and your dreams are filled with the thought of someone else. We all have that one person we would rather be with but sometimes we go into situations that aid us going through the motions.

Jasmine had my heart.

I’m not sure if it was how we met and connected or the fact that I felt like I always needed to protect her. Something had drawn me into her.

On one of the last times Jasmine left. I think it must have been the 6th or 7th and it hit me hard. We had been coasting and growing for almost 6 months. She wasn’t entirely sober but her alcohol intake was at an all time low. We were actually making progress and then she just left.

Vanished again.

She just stopped calling and wasn’t answering my calls. I went over to where she was staying and all her stuff was intact but she was nowhere to be found.

I tried not to make it about me but I couldn’t help but wonder if I was truly loveable.

Like I understood things were hard for her but why didn’t she reach out to me.

Why couldn’t she stay?

I was so devastated that I withdrew. It was work, school and home.

I remember Asha was someone I thought was attractive but I was so focused on Jasmine that I think, she just stayed in the “friendzone”.

One of those depressed nights I had I got a message from her where she invited me out to dinner and a boat tour by the Bay. I couldn’t say no that night for whatever reason.

We went out and a few months later, we were in a relationship.

It was great.

A positive distraction for me but it was a mistake at that time.

Emphasis on that time because I had just gotten out of a situation involuntarily and my heart was still holding on to her.

It was unfair to Asha because I wasn’t giving all of me. I was hiding some of myself from her.

Truth is, I thought I was over Jasmine but I had known her for three years by that time.

People like that are hard to let go, especially if you truly loved them.

Things had been going well with Asha and I. Slowly, I was growing very fond of her and I was truly convinced that I was over Jasmine.

I was happy or at least I had more happy days than sad.

One day, I had actually convinced myself that I didn’t have to attend one of my best friends birthday dinner. I just wanted to be left alone.

Cozy inside my house and under my bed sheets, I just wanted to stay home.

Asha came over and convinced me to go.

It took a while but soon, we were at the restaurant.

As soon as we were seated with the celebrant and the rest of the dinner party, I felt a wave of uncertainty come over me and I became very uncomfortable.

Something felt off.

An hour had gone by and I was feeling a bit calmer.

I just thought that I was thinking things up in my head earlier. Everybody was eating, having fun, vibing and conversing.

The celebrant was seating at the head of the table to my left and I was seated at the middle point of the table. The door to the private room in the restaurant was behind the celebrant. I was looking to my right and talking to a friend with other smaller conversations going on all around the table.

And then all of sudden, it all stopped and everyone looked up towards the celebrant. I turned and noticed that even the celebrant had a look of surprise written on their face.

She turned around too, to catch a glimpse of whatever had caused everyone to go dead silent and there it was in.

In a fitted red dress to about knee length with black Temptation pumps that I had purchased.

You guessed right.

It was Jasmine.

You know that uncomfortable feeling I had told you about? Well, it wasn’t so baseless after all right?

The celebrant Cindy and Jasmine are mutual friends of mine. But I never expected Jasmine to be there. Hell, I hadn’t seen or heard from her in over two months.

She looked amazing as always as she made her way around the table, giving out hugs and dishing out greetings.

Then she got to me, she gave me a big hug and kiss on the cheek as she whispered the words

“I want you”

into my ears.

She stood up straight and stretched out her hand to Asha. With the brightest smile on her face, she  said

“You must be Asha. Hi, I’m Jasmine.

I have heard so much about you”

My heart sunk. My tongue went dry. I felt like I was about to die.

#What The Heck Man

PLEASE COMMENT!!! 

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for my part 3 on SATURDAY

© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan

Art · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Poetry · Sex · Uncategorized

The Wordsmith

The Wordsmith

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⟹ ⟹ ⟹ PRESS PLAY HERE BEFORE READING

Waiting by Adrian Marcel

The words are easy to say

How you led me on my way

To fall for you each day

I have loved you in every single way

As a man

I’ve put down my pride

To keep the hope of you and I

Alive

But somehow you drift

Like a sinking ship at see

A lost cause

You choose this path that leaves pain

You came into my life and its never been the same

Twenty-three time I have asked why

I have drained all my tears

Looking upward

Far into the sky

One more time I had hope for you

But you left and made me feel

Like a glorified fool

Today, I take back me

I fight what I know will be true

The sad thing is you know me well

And no matter all the lies I tell

You own my heart

And it’s where I truly want you to dwell

I hope I wake up soon

From this coma filled with pain and darkness

Because you continue to leave with me heart

And one day

You’ll leave me truly heartless.

Signed,

The Wordsmith

 

.     .     .     .     .

 

Everyday, I spend hours typing away watching a colorful variety of people visit the courthouse to appear before the job.

My job as a stenographer not only allowed me to fall in love with words but with people’s stories on a daily basis.

I saw anything from the 16-year-old juvenile who crashed his mom’s car on a drunken joyride night to a 69-year-old lady who had too much to drink at Bingo the night before.

I saw them all and for the most part, I ignored them all.

 

I consider myself a fairly attractive young man. This was my job during the day while I finished my public health management degree with a host of night classes.

I ran into my fair share of women as a result of work and my school. From hot Spring breaking 22yr olds to the hot newly crowned 32 yr old nurses.

I had my way with them. I have my way with words but what I have come to find is that once the words depart from you heart, they carry life and you cannot always control their effects on people.

 

I remember the day I met Jasmine. She was 5’4 with a gorgeous smile and a perfect booty. Don’t judge me.

Like almost any man out there, those were the things I noticed first.

I made it a point to never approach any woman I met through work. Well for one, it was messy. But it almost meant, they knew where and when I worked and how much I made (I work for the state and my salary is public record).

But that day, it must have been fate.

 

It was two years ago. Jasmine was there for a DUI case that involved five other cars. She was the passenger in the seat that caused the crash.

Normally, the crash wouldn’t have even concerned her but she was drunk and had an open container of alcohol right in her hands when the police showed up.

So she was ordered into AA classed, drug court and her license was suspended for a year.

She took it on the chin though and things kept on going. The next case came in after her but I remembered her smile very clearly.

 

Later that evening, I was making my way from my Chemistry class which had gotten out a full hour early. I was walking across the walk bridge by the levy when I heard a group of people laughing loudly through my headphones.

I took on ear out and turned around as they neared me and then one of them said

“Hey!

Aren’t you the guy from court!”

You guessed right. It was Jasmine.

Drunk.

Well, maybe tipsy.

.       .       .        .        .       .

I remembered her smile and well, she was still wearing the same clothes. I looked at her as I smiled and said

 “I’m pretty sure the judge told you to stay away from alcohol”

She laughed and then her friends joined as replied

“Yes. Yes, she did but are you going to arrest me”

I shook my head as I smiled at their foolishness and then she said

“You’re cute, you should come out with us. We’re going to hit a couple more bars….

And I promise, we will we walking the whole time.

No cars!”

Like I said, she was hot and remember the thing I said about fate?

Well, I followed the out that night.

And like the rest of out time together would be, I would continue chasing her because before the night was over, she had disappeared.

But she had left her phone in my blazer pocket, which she had used as a coat at one point during the night.

Her leaving her phone was my in.

Two years later, she’s still disappearing.

 

I hadn’t spoken to her in 6 months.

But to tell you I was in love with this woman was lie. I was in love with all of her existence.

She claimed to have been carted off to some out patient rehab facility in San Diego.

We had been through things over the last few years. A lot that I would share with you over time, but none more compelling than her disappearing acts.

It was like clockwork.

She would come into my life, establish herself and then when my hope would rise.

Poof!

Gone.

I wondered what I loved about her at one point but see it was the way she talked, how she swayed, how we played, the plans we made but the only problem was that she never stayed.

I stared at the computer screen while she finished her cereal. I giggled as she drained the milk out of her bowl before each bite. Such a waste, I thought to myself as I smiled and then she said

 

“What?”

with a smile lighting up her face as she referred to the cereal.

“You know I don’t like milk”

she continued.

I nodded as she covered her mouth and chowed her Fiber One cereal down.

I just didn’t know what to say but I was happy. Finally being able to talk to her. The happiness couldn’t be contained and then I said

“I wish I was there with you”

She smiled and said

“I wish I was there with you… curled up in your arms”

I smiled and sat up straight in my bed.

Moving my computer from my left onto my lap. I looked at her and said

“What if you can?”

she didn’t catch what I said as she responded with a confused

“Huh?”

I laughed and repeated myself.

“What if I buy your ticket and you can come here tomorrow?

Well later tonight?”

It was past midnight and in the early hours of Friday.

She still looked confused as she said

“Are you serious?”

I nodded and said

“I’ll buy your ticket and you can come here after work later today.”

Her face got serious as she noticed I wasn’t joking around.

“You know it’s going to be expensive right?”

“I want you here. That’s all that matters.

Don’t worry about the cost right now”

I replied.

She paused for a second and then a huge smile covered her face as she said

“Wow.. Okay!”

And that moment, I got on it

I opened a new tab and found the right flight with the return that would have given her enough time to make back for work on Monday with enough time.

There was an element of shock, excitement and surprise all written all over her face.

 

The whole process took about 45minutes but halfway through the planning was complete. There were two one-way tickets with her flying in from Chicago to San Diego and then back out on Monday. The hotel was booked and everything was ready to go.

I think the speed at which it all happened made her feel very connected. I could see it in her eyes. She put her bowl of cereal down and began packing.

I couldn’t contain my excitement either, I would have the woman that owned my heart in my arms by the end of the day and it felt so good.

 

.       .       .       .        .        .

Lost by Tay 

There was nothing I could focus on at work. I even sat down in front of my computer attempting to log on and that took me almost five minutes because I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

You know when you feel a connection with someone where your every thought aligns with him or her. You cannot seem to contain yourself or your excitement for the things that you would do together. That was exactly how I felt and trust the time to move as slowly as possible that day.

I remember a few times where she texted me and said

“Is this real?”

The experience was one of those few that would be etched in ones memory for a long time

I could tell that she was just as excited as I was.

That day, I left the courtroom and packed up my stuff into the back of my car.

I just couldn’t wait to have her in my arms.

 

I remember feeling so excited that I began to worry that if something went wrong, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I was only a few minutes away from the airport when I ran into traffic, I knew her flight had landed and I didn’t want to keep her waiting.

That area was notorious for traffic and I began to get upset.

“Why was this happening right now?”

I continued to ask myself. I truly just wanted to ram my car straight into the back of the car in front of me like an army tanker.

But I noticed the car pool lane was moving along just fine. I glanced at my phone and the time read 6:48pm.

Dinner reservations were at 7:30pm and there was absolutely no way I was going to make it in time if I stayed in the traffic.

So I checked my mirrors and moved over to the carpool lane.

I waited till I noticed a bus coming. My theory was that if I got into the lane before a bus. Then a police officer would not be able to go around me to catch me because the lanes next to the carpool lane were stagnant.

My thinking.

So I merged into the carpool lane. I must have gone about 6 miles at about 70 miles per hour and I was just a few exits shy of the airport when I noticed a bike cop, go around the bus

My heart skipped various beats and I was sure that I was about to die.

A ticket on a night like that!

Why?????

I slowed down because I was not about to get a ticket for speeding and violating the carpool laws.

I was expect his lights to go off when the cop on the bike slowed down behind me.

I thought it was over at that point.

I was for sure getting a ticket.

Sad because I was also driving past another one of the signs that reminded folks that carpool was “TWO OR MORE PEOPLE during the hours of 3pm-7pm”

I had done this many times but why did this have to happen today.

A few seconds as I continued driving and the cops lights went on.

I cannot say I never esperred it because I did and at that point, it was all over Jackie.

But right then, the cop sped past me!

 

I was stunned with my heart still racing. He kept on going.

I couldn’t thank my stars enough. I was so shocked that I didn’t even realize when I had come up to my exit. I quickly signaled and merged to get off the highway.

I was still thanking my starts when Jasmine called my phone.

The next 6 minutes would be spent on the phone trying to direct her to the proper gate where I could pick her up.

You know how annoying it can be circling the airport waiting for the person you were there to pick up to finally make their way out. But I had to keep my feelings in check and not lose it today.

 

I was circling around for what must have been my 4th time when she said

“I think I see you”

I replied snottily

“It’s about time your big eyes saw something”

I pulled up to the curb and got out of the car and there she was.

Chocolate goodness.

In a white dress with teal shoes to match, her skin glowed. She was killing the dress and it was not asking for mercy.

Slayed.

I gave her a hug and squeezed her tight with my right hand making a point to take a handful of her soft buttocks on its way down.

She smelled heavenly and I could not stop smiling but we were going to be late.

I put her back on the back seat as she sat down and we took off.

We just laughed and talked about how crazy this was that she was here already.

We both knew that we had serious things to talk about but those would have to wait.

Tonight, it was just us two.

 

Dinner was amazing. And as you can imagine, I couldn’t stop staring.

The way she laughed. The way she looked at me.

I had missed her.

She chowed down her slice of plain cheesecake; her favorite. And then we headed home. She thought that I was taking her home but the real reason I was stuck in traffic earlier was because I was coming from the hotel.

I had checked in earlier and had the room set up. The music playing over my portable speakers, scented candles lighting up the room and the chocolate covered grapes were sitting on the bed side cabinet.

 

The bath was set and I walked her into the room. She could not stop smiling.

I told her to close her eyes as I walked her to her seat.

She gently sat down and her eyes remained closed. I placed a few of the chocolate covered grapes in her mouth and I planted a kiss on her lips. I pulled away and returned quickly to place some headphones over her ears.

She smiled and looked confused as to what was happening. I pulled away and sat down on the couch and I began to talk into the microphone. Her face lit up as my voice travelled between her ears.

 

Slowly, I gave her directions of how the night was going to go. The things I would do her and I gave her my warning for the night

“I won’t stop, no matter how much you beg”

 I sensed the chills travel through her spine as I said that. I placed the microphone down and walked over to her. Helping her off the seat, I had her standing as I slowly took off every piece of clothing on her bar her underwear.

Unlatching her bra with my teeth, I travelled further south to help her panties off with my tongue as the heat from my nostrils burned on her flesh.

Fully naked, I asked her to lie on the bed face down.

I opened the bottle of baby oil and sprayed it all over her back. She let out a moan as the warm oil covered her.

My strong hands went to work as I oiled her body up and massaged it into her already glistening skin.

It wasn’t helpful because I knew I wouldn’t last.

Her bare body in front of me and in my arms after all these months and I couldn’t contain myself.

The massage was deep as I worked my hands into the knots around her shoulders and in her lower back. She was almost falling asleep when I turned her over.

A very wet kiss followed and she wanted me to continue, I pulled her up and told her to follow me.

Into the bathroom we went and she was surprised at the candle lit bathroom and the bubble filled tub.

In she went and the warm water caressed her skin. I sat on the outside of the tub like a nurse washing up a wounded soldier. The washcloth helped as I washed the oil off her body.

She looked up at me with love and want. Like she just wanted to pounce on me for all I had done.

She was about to talk when with my free hand, I asked

“Grapes?”

As I shoved a couple down her mouth

She knew what I was doing and I wasn’t hiding it either.

 

I carried her out of the shower after rinsing her down and onto the bed.

My kisses were long and short. I wanted to enjoy every moment of taking her in.

There was a pause as I neared her waist and I looked up at her.

I could see her eyes closed, biting her lower lip as I loved so much. Her moans were still stifled but she belted out as I slowly kissed her pink.

She was turning slowly as my tongue explored the depths of her.

There was a way my face was drenched in her wetness that I had no other reason but to go for more as my beard soaked.

My licks like strokes of a painters brush over his canvas covered her clit as I picked up and slowed the pace at will.

Her echoes of “Yes and More” sailed into the room.

She clutched the sheets for dear life and I went in search for more, lapping up every drop as she flowed onto my tongue

 

Our fingers locked into each other’s as I rested over her. Sliding in, my thrusts were slow and I gazed into her eyes. The connection was one I cannot translate to you.

I just appreciated the beauty in her eyes as every inch of me was covered by her juices. Majority of the night was in that position and I felt no urge to force.

The night and the experience with her again was far more than any thing at that point. This was the woman I loved and her body, I had missed.

No words were exchanged.

And climaxes were duly shared. When I lay next to her with her head on my chest before we invited sleep between us, I placed a kiss on her forehead and whispered.

“I love you”

I looked down at her and as usual, she was fast asleep. No complaints from me.

She was in my arms again and that was enough for me.

I turned my head to the left and blew out the last candle. The darkness lit the room but my night with her had brightened up my world.

 

BEFORE YOU CONTINUE, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO CHECK OUT MY VOLUNTEER PROJECT. YOU INPUT IS GREATLY APPRECIATED for Sanmi’s Volunteer Mexico Trip.

http://www.gofundme.com/SanmiInMexico CHECK IT OUT

.        .        .        .          .         .

The blinds were still closed as I opened up my eyes. I had smile on my face that didn’t reflect my tiredness. I turned to my right where Jasmine had slept and she was gone.

A very familiar feeling covered my heart and I knew what was coming next.

The rollercoaster of emotions as I sat up straight, I stretched to flick on the lights.

On they went and I noticed her things had been packed and she was gone.

I couldn’t believe it but I think I was more upset that I had been fooled again.

To give the benefit of the doubt, I reached for my phone.

Unlooking it, I dialed her number and of course it went to voicemail. I was beginning to get angry because I had expected this time to be different. I thought we had gotten over her leaving me but I guess I had not gotten the memo.

 

I slid my legs out from under the covers and placed them on the ground and my phone buzzed. I briefly got excited as I thought it was her.

I looked down at the phone and it was Asha.

I answered it and said

“Hello”

She laughed on the other end and said

“Do we have to start begging you for you to call your girlfriend again?”

I placed my left hand on my head as I said

“#WhatTheHeckMan”

 

I’m excited for this series, so let’s enjoy this ride together! Pleassseeeeee COMMENT

PLEASE COMMENT!!! 

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for my part 2 on SATURDAY

© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan

Uncategorized

Homeless 4

Homeless 4

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⟹ ⟹ ⟹ PRESS PLAY HERE BEFORE READING

My second daughter had been born. I was so grateful and happy to have her.

I imagined co-parenting.

The whole hospital fiasco really got me shaken up but I tried to convince myself that I would bounce back.

I knew I would. The jobs would eventually come in, somehow. I always had that belief but the thought of losing a family I spent so much trying to build was devastating.

The things that I lost and would never regain, the look in her eyes. I just continued to wonder, how things go so bad, so quickly.

I couldn’t sleep for nights after being denied entry at the hospital. I just imagined a world where I was treated like a second-class citizen because I had no shelter.

The people at the hospital had a point but my ego was bruised.

How could they not see past that?

It was impossible for them to recognize the standing of the man I was before I lost everything. How I lost everything from one of the most shocking situations still baffled me.

But through everything, I couldn’t imagine a life without Kim, Daisy and Diamond.

Think of the people that make your life worthwhile, how would you feel if they were not there, present and involved in your day to day happiness.

Hard?

My exact sentiments

 .      .      .      .      .

I realized that I loved her too much to give up on her like that.

So one day, I hopped on the bus and snuck into a Fitness SF gym, I took a shower put in some clean clothes that I had picked up from the local Ross.
Just a shirt and jeans but I looked clean. When I had my car, the trip was only 35 minutes and now it was just so long. Almost two hours using the bus. I remember that day and it just continued to humble me as I missed my old life.
I finally arrived at the bus stop and I got off.
I was down the street from her mother’s house. I was second-guessing myself. I hadn’t called ahead of time. I began to wonder and question,
“What if she’s not home?”
“What if she asked me to leave?”
I somehow continued down with the courage I had gathered up and I finally got to the door and knocked.
There was no answer.
I knocked again.
Still no answer.
I began to get this sinking feeling in my lower belly. I just felt defeated.
I felt like one of my fears was being realized square in front of me and I couldn’t do anything about it.
I knocked one more time.
My heart pounding as my bare and chapped knuckles kisses the mahogany of the door.
Nothing.
I swallowed hard and I turned around. Out the driveway and onto the sidewalk. I had no way to tell time because I had no wristwatch or phone. I just figured I would go to the bus stop and wait for the next bus before heading towards the shelter.

I must have been about 50 yards out the driveway when I heard my name

“Darius”

it was Kim.

I immediately, turned around and smiled. There she stood, waving and motioning at me to come towards her. I just felt lucky.

Like a huge burned was lifted from me.

I could not imagine the ride back from there without seeing her.

I walked towards her and simply said

“Hi Kim”

She smiled back and said

 “Hi Darius”

She just looked so beautiful. I couldn’t imagine another day without her and my daughters. She responded

“I’m sorry I didn’t come to the door, sooner. I was putting her down for a nap.

She had been fussy all day. Kinda like her daddy”

She reached out and gave me a hug.

It just felt so good holding her again. It had been a while.

I could smell the citrus in her hair. Her silky skin, welcoming the warmth from my body.

My heart was racing uncontrollably.

“Come in”

She said as she pulled away slowly.

She led me into the house. It was tidy but there were some toys and baby formula lying around.

We sat down at the dinner table as I began talking

“Kim, you look great. How are the girls doing?”

 “Thanks Darius. You know, there are great days and then there are okay days but they are pulling through it all”

I felt a pull in my heart. These were my daughters and I should have been the one to take care of them.

“That’s good.

I just wish I could give them more.”

I paused

“Kim, I know you left to find yourself but I am lost without you. The man I was, is no longer here and I need my wife and my home back”

She reached her out towards me and held my hands in her hers

She looked me dead in the eyes and said

“I’m sorry I left but I had to, the stress we were going through and being there for a new baby was hard. I just needed space.

I want you to know that I never stopped loving you and I want us to work on us. Our daughters need their father and I need my best friend back”

I almost cried as she finished her words. I moved off my seat and gave her a huge hug.

“We will work on us. I know I have lost so much but we will rebuild. We will never give up.

And we restore our footing. With your love, we will do much more. ”

That was all that was needed and I knew in my heart that my life would have meaning again.

Darius stopped and

Darius looked up at me and then back at the dashboard clock.

It was 11:03pm.

He looked at me as if grateful for the opportunity to share and then he said

“I need to go James. The doors to the shelter close in 2minutes.”

Sometimes, we put people in corners and they feel like their stories are irrelevant.
He sighed and I stretched out my hand to shake his. Darius is a good man, one of the very few.

And I was lucky to have met him.

I gave him my office information and asked him to contact me if he needed anything.

He said

“James, you have been a great blessing today and I thank you. I pray you never know such pain

Keep your head up and in the right place. You will definitely make it”

I smiled and said

 “Thank you Darius.

Meeting you and hearing your story has been the highlight of my last few months. Thank you for sharing with me. I appreciate it.”

I watched him walk into the shelter. And I turned as I looked at the dashboard.

It was late.

And it just sat there for me. I didn’t sleep all.

.       .       .       .       .

Like many people like me, Darius’ story must have struck a cord but would many do anything about it. Sometimes we experience certain things and we either feel like there s nothing we can do to change the situation or we are just not bothered to affect the situation.

I spent the rest of that weekend after my encounter with Darius just pondering on life. Every story being different, every learning process unique; the ups and downs of life and love are hard to explain to others.

I returned home that Sunday night and typed the whole encounter up. In actual fact, I was just going to store it as one of those encounters that one has and one can and should not forget.

I battled it in my heart on how life could just easily turn a family around and change the whole outlook a person had towards life.

People are often expecting the “normal” things that break homes and changes lives. The defenses towards the other things are not always focused on. A simple accident changed the life of Darius and his family, even his kids.

It was certainly a lot to think about but it left me thinking. How much can people really take?

Showing up to work the next morning, I was the first one there. I had spoken to my mother very early that morning.

I was sitting at my desk at work while the staff all filtered in. Some in ties and others dressed up, fancy cups of coffee and croissants; everyone ready for the day.

From my vantage point, all I thought about was “What is each person’s story?”

Aside from the fact that they all came from various homes, I wondered about the state of their lives. Like how many actually had homes?

Many live today, two paychecks away from homelessness.

Some with empty hearts or even folks that are surrounded by many but alone.

If I had met Darius in the first few months when the issues were piling up, I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t have been able to tell what was really going on.

Many of us walk around like perfect models of life and happiness but not many know why I left Columbia or what people are really going through. I immerse myself in work and try not think about my life but I know it’s empty.

Mine had been empty because I hadn’t been able to figure out my purpose.

And it didn’t occur to me that sometimes people run into their purpose or calling in the most unexpected way.

To think that I ran in Darius at the Laundromat and the story he was walking around with, was so different from anything I had ever heard, it opened my eyes.

That situation taught me not to look down on people. The back-story is always different and the circumstances that get people into situations are just as different.

For Darius, life came at him unexpectedly and strained his marriage. For the next person, it could take their life.

.      .      .       .       .

PLEASE USE THE HASHTAG #SanmiSaturdays on Twitter when you’re done. Thanks!

.       .        .       .       .      .

It’s been roughly a month since that encounter.

The manager for the shipping department is Darius.

Yes.

I finally couldn’t sit on his story any longer. So I sent it to my boss.

Anonymously, I placed it on his desk and it got published a week later.

I think my boss knows that I was the one that placed it there but he never approached me directly.

Darius’s story moved so many people reached out to the paper and they began a fundraiser for him.

Every time I think about it, it makes me smile but I am also realistic in knowing that not every story will have a positive outcome. Darius and Kim are in couple’s therapy and working on their relationship. The love is still there, I personally think he and Kim will be back together in a few weeks but as usual Kim is making him “earn her”.

I’m still here, working my neck off but I know for sure now that this is what I want to do. Find the stories and share them with the world. Inspire people and motivate them.

But I’m racing against the clock here, I need to be out of the office in 25 minutes. It’s almost 2pm and I’m leaving work early.

I’m meeting up with Darius and Daisy as he is spending time with her today, we are grabbing lunch and looking at a few apartments and Daisy is adamant that she gets her own room too. So she’s coming along.

Honestly, being alone in your heart is scary and a home can be made by the people in your life that make your life worth it. We met at a Laundromat through a woman Darius doesn’t even know anymore but meeting him and then his family has made my life feel whole.

Darius’ life is on a track.

However fast it moves, only God knows but I said I was looking for purpose, and if I died today, I can be thankful that I was useful for one thing in life.

Helping bring home back together

The real life “Darius” still lives on the streets of Oakland.
He is not married to a Kim. He did work for the city of Oakland and he has 5 kids.

I learned that life can test you and yours in the most unique ways. Always stay alert, have faith and pray. So you’re not the prey.

I learned from this story that first impressions can need second evaluation to arrive at a concrete idea of a person.

Realizing that there is a call to action but not answering the call, is as good as openly ignoring the existence of the problem.

There are many Darius’ in various ways in today’s world.

Be a chapter in their book.

Thank you for reading the Homeless Series 1-4. Please comment. My new story comes out on Monday!

 

The Wordsmith

#WordsofWednesday · Art · Fiction · Life · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Uncategorized

The Will

The Will

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⟹ ⟹ ⟹ PRESS PLAY HERE BEFORE READING

Blind Man’s Guitar Song by Kenny Kore

 

Let me talk to you about this thing

This thought that came and left like a summer fling

My way

This narrow and dark

And even sometimes scary way

You see I saw the signs

The directions in hand

And I ignored them all

I ended up here

In the midst of a crowd and a friend to no one

I was lost

And my inheritance I had traded for little to no cost

 

I once heard that you are the bright morning star

But I elected to stand and observe your greatness from afar .

Instead of standing on your promises

I went to battle defenseless

And I came out with bruises and scars.

So now I am sitting on this nurse’s table

Hoping time nurses me back to health

Pleading for mercy,

Returning from this empty search for worldly wealth

 

Experience

They continue to say i get

But that all stands for nothing,

Compared to the emptiness I feel in my chest

So much I have lost,

When he had actually given me all

By paying for it

With his life on the cross

 

 

He says bring all the tithes and offering in to the store house

But inside that house is a place where peace and happiness should abound

So listen to me when I tell you this

Don’t go searching for worldly pleasures

So your inheritance doesn’t go to waste or go amiss

So the likes might pile up

The comments will stack up

But what happens when your happiness is dried up

You are filled with regret and emptiness

And then you come back crawling like a prodigal’s son

Begging for newness

Begging for one more opportunity to taste of his mercies and goodness

Don’t give up your throne to join a pointless battle over who gets what stone

Because many will sing and chant for you

But to what glory is it,

When they sit there adoring you

 

 

He left it all for you and me

Blessings enough for the entire world to see

But many of us have elected to forsake our entitlements

And only settle for the crumbs

The world drops at our feet

He wrote your name in bold to enjoy from his will

But only if you follow his will

To the letter

His promises are to make your life and mine

Better

So don’t settle for what’s left

Don’t sit to be second best

He knows East from West without the help of a GPS

Now don’t for once believe that following his will

Won’t propel you to greatness

To be honest with you

This is a message really for me

I tried to live my way

And got lost in the wind

You are not second best

You’re heir to his throne

Crowned with his blessings

With joy beyond the unknown

Live like you know your purpose

Live for him

And watch your life turn around

If you just obey his will.

 

 

Have you ever listened to your parents regarding something and still decided your way was better?

We all have.

But have you ever done something your way and ended up wrong?

Yeah, much harder to admit but we all have.

 

When someone wealthy dies, they usually leave behind a will. A will is a document filled with directions and instructions on how the wealth should be distributed or shared. But do people always follow “The Will”.
Some even make promises to follow the will while the person is alive but once they pass, it’s like they were never said those words.
God’s Will is superior to any view or notion you have or have ever had. Today, many of think we have it all figured out. The world is so interconnected, we think we can learn whatever we need by ourselves and that is true to some extent. But take it from me, I spent the last two years trying to find myself and I swear I had the best intentions but I did it by myself. I tried to use my knowledge to do it by myself.

I slipped. I can even go as far as saying I backslid. I let my morals drop and I began to be “okay” with mediocrity. It was actually really sad.
The sad thing is, if you’re falling towards mediocrity and you are surrounded by it, no one will warn you that you are fallen until your back breaks as you hit the ground hard.
Mediocrity certainly does not mean in career or intellect but I mean in your purpose for life.

The advantage to following The Will is that the preparer had spent time behind the scenes, creating it. The loopholes and obstacles are all things they would have taken into account.
You can attempt to solve the same issues on the fly but it will be harder.

My life, ladies and gentlemen was a mess. I lost my happiness, my connections with some friends, my verve and even my relationship. I was filled with regret and suicidal thoughts as they chased out the happiness in me.
I put my purpose on the backburner. Now I was so broken the last quarter of last year that I had to go back to God on my knees; begging for his mercy.
Don’t feel bad for me, it has only served to make me stronger and better man. BUT I still had to go back to his will, after doing it my own way.

 

Today on the first #WordsOfWednesday of 2015, I urge you to be happy but DO HIS WILL. Find out what he wants from you. I’m referring to your purpose in life and then ask him how to get there.

My number ONE prayer this year is “Lord, let your will be done in my life and even when my flesh does not want to accept it, force me to”.

Begging for increase is a different proposition to begging for mercy. Do it his way.
The easiest way to take control of your life, is to give all control to God.

God bless you all. Welcome to #WhatTheHeckMan 2015. It is going to be an exciting ride, I have sooooo much planned for all of you.

Please comment as usual but also use the hashtag #WordsOfWednesday on Twitter and share our posts on Facebook.

My stories and poems this year will make you cry, laugh, excited, angry, reflective, inspired, determined, focused, peaceful and they will be different.

#WhatTheHeckMan is my life, my words are my ministry and you all are my family. Read with me, grow with me and I pray this time next year, happiness will be in all our hearts.

Thank you for reading again.

 

Welcome to #WhatTheHeckMan 2015.

Art · Drama · Fiction · Life · Oakland · Uncategorized

Homeless 3

Homeless 3

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⟹ ⟹ ⟹ PRESS PLAY HERE BEFORE READING

Hope by Jordan Rakei

I must have been sitting on the floor outside her door for almost thirty minutes. Kim was still in the living room as I continued to beg a sobbing Daisy to open her bedroom door.

I could hear her curled up on her bed and crying her little eyes into her “Dora The Explorer” bedspread.

“Daisy, please open the door. It’s daddy”

 she went quiet for a few seconds and then picked right back up.

I knew I just had to be patient. This was my daughter and I was going to raise her the right way. I was going to be there however long it took for her open the door.

A few minutes later, the sobbing stopped.

Everything went silent and I thought she had fallen asleep. She occasionally did that after fighting for something and eventually not getting it.

She would go to her room and cry until she fell asleep. I was beginning to get up when I heard the door begin to cackle and there she was.

Looking up to me, she hugged my left leg so tightly. I knelt back down and squeeze her in my arms.

I whispered so lightly to her while kissing the back of her head as I held her close

 “I am sorry baby. Daddy loves you, okay?”

 She nodded, as she said nothing.

That interaction provided security for me. In letting her know that I would always be there to protect her. But I was not ready for the rest of the things that would eventually come at me.

 

.     .       .       .       .

 I looked up at Darius as I pulled up in front of the shelter where he was meant to be spending the night with his lady friend. She came up to the car and collected the food that we had bought and she headed back inside.

I looked at him and said

 “You and her?”

 he looked at me and said

 “No, no no

She’s just a friend”

 I smiled and he continued.

 “Seriously James, she is just a friend on this long journey. My wife and I maybe be separated but I still love her and respect our union. She is a friend”

 I nodded to give him approval and let him know that I believed him.

I asked him quickly

 “Do you have to leave?

Because if you do, we can link up some other time if you want to talk”

 He said no and continued his story.

 “James”

 Darius called my name and said

 “I’m actually glad you touched on my wife and our separation because it still haunts me till this day”

 She had been out of the wheelchair for about two months and slowly finding her feet. Her job was kind enough to set her up with projects she could do at home and not need to be in the office. Or maybe they just did it because it would have been a lawsuit if they fired her.

But everyday, when I returned from work as I had now returned back to full time, she would be so flat.

She was no longer her old self.

The kind of person Kim was, she was outgoing and personable. She wanted to be out and she loved the world.

I believed that being confined in the house was taking out of her essence. She would be cold to me, there was no happiness in her eyes. There was no joy in our home.

 

The arguments were petty and not constructive. We weren’t trying to build ourselves up anymore. It sincerely felt like everything we did was to pull the other down.

Progressively things became really bad and we never really dealt with it. I am not a victim either nor was I a saint. I added to the problem with my drinking. Well to be clear, my drunken outbursts.

 

Things were already difficult between us. There was no intimacy. No sex.

No laughter. The speed at which we went downwards was alarming.

We forgot that we were friends to begin with and the meaning of it was lost between us. I tried to salvage it as best as I could but nothing seemed to work.

 

The reason why I say, it was shocking was because we had one night where we got into an argument. It was pretty bad.

We both said some hurtful things to each other but I think I went a bit too far. Actually, I man up and say, I went too far.

Kim eventually ended up on the bathroom floor and she was crying. Filled with tears and just sadness. Somehow I failed to connect with her pain in the moment and I think that was where I was began to lose her.

That night, I went in there and talked to her.

She eventually left and spent the night in a hotel.

James, it was bad but I never knew it was bad enough for her to give up on our love.

 

I returned that next day from work and we talked about it. But as usual, we only grazed the surface of our problems. Kim was giving her all I believe and I think I was too but we were not really dealing with out problems. Like to the roots of it.

I remember saying

 “Kim, I’m sorry about last night and the last few months. But something needs to change. We can’t keep doing this to ourselves”

 She sighed and said

 “I agree.”

Darius, our relationship is hanging by a thread and I don’t want it to snap. We are here now. We need to rekindle the fire between us”

She got up and walked to the edge of the bed and sat down next to me. Stroking my beard, she said

 “I am going to give this my all. This is our chance. I’m tired but I am going to give this one more chance. Because I love you”

 I swear a vulnerable Kim was the sexiest thing to me. She might not remember it but that night, we didn’t have sex, we just cuddle all night with her tucked away in my arms.

 

I woke up the next morning with a dead arm. She had slept on it all night.

It was actually really cute even with as much pain as I was in.

I got up and got dressed for work.

All I could think about while I was at work was how I would return home to spend time with my two favorite ladies.

The day was going slowly but I was especially calm because it was going to be a good weekend.

 

I had texted Kim’s cousin to babysit for us for two days while I booked a getaway in San Francisco for Kim and I.

It was the last hour off my working day when my supervisor arrived. He called me into my office I was not sure why he was there but I wanted to find out.

I finished up with an order and walked into my office. He was sitting in one of the two seats in front of my desk.

 

“how’s it going Darius?”

 he asked me as we shook hands and I prepared to sit down.

 “Same ol’.

Just making sure everything runs smoothly”

 I sat down and straightened up as I said

 “So, Rye, what can I do for you?”

 He looked down at the ground and then at me as he began to speak

 “So, I spoke to the higher ups and you know we’ve been getting hit hard with the eco meltdown. Money is tight for the state and cuts are being made.”

 I knew where he was going before he even finished. I sat back in my seat and all I could think of now was Kim, Daisy and our new baby on the way.

How was I going to provide?

How was I going to be there for her? To maintain my household

I keyed back into what he was saying as he said

 “I tried to fight for you. You know I would.

But it’s been decided. Effective today, your position has been terminated.”

 I sat up and shook his hand.

He said

 “I’m sorry, Darius”

 I nodded in response as he left. I sat back down and I was confused.

Right when I was trying to save my marriage, I lost my job.

At least I still had my home. I was hardworking, so there was a confidence in me that even through the economic meltdown, I would still stand strong and get another job.

 

.       .       .       .       .

 The other car wasn’t there.

The clothes were gone. Daisy’s clothes were gone.

Kim was gone.

I couldn’t understand it. On my side of the bed, there was a note that read

 

IMG_20150103_155714 

 I just sat there.

Blank.

Imagine the day I had just had.

I had the hotel booked for the night. A romantic weekend planned. Everything planned out.

And she left?

Before I even got a chance?

 

James, it haunts me till this day. To be promised a chance and never get. The words she said to me the night before continue to ring in my head.

Like why tell me, she would fight for us and then pull the rug out from under my feet.

I was left asking “why?”

For months, I struggled with that. In those months, I saw Daisy maybe 3 of 4 times in that period.

Everything literally fell apart so quickly.

I am not a man to not take responsibility for my actions but this confused me.

Kim was not seeing it but my whole world was built around her.

She was the love of my life and the mother of my children.

How could she leave so easily?

Like why give me hope and then dash it away from me.

I tried to rationalize it by saying she was hurt and she needed to heal but

James, I hope you never have to experience that feeling but I felt empty in my heart.

 

I was consumed by rage and frustrations.

Trapped behind what was expected of me as a man. I was vulnerable and alone.

Continuously trying to navigate how to fight for my better half or whether to give up on our love.

That evening, I just sat there.

No words. Tears and silence.

Alone.

The house would normally be filled with voices of Daisy running around while everyone else tried to stay out of her way.

And now it was gone.

I was in that same spot until Kim’s cousin knocked on the door to begin babysitting. I had forgotten to cancel with her.

She left shortly after and in the darkness of the house, it dawned on me clearly.

I had a house but I was actually homeless.

.       .       .       .       .

Darius’ story moved me, like how could someone go from being happily married with great jobs and children to just losing everything that they valued?

The mood in the car was sad and I wanted to know more. So I asked him

“how come you guys never worked it out and got back together.

At least from what you said, you never actually got divorced?”

He sighed heavily and continued.

It just went from bad to worse actually. As my savings began to deplete, mind you, they weren’t that loaded because we had spent a lot on Kim’s treatment.
I went in search of a job, the economic climate was so bad that I found nothing. And before I knew it, 3 months had passed and the bank had the court order me out.

I was on the couch of a few friends around town before I ended up in the shelters. And to be very honest, I never gave up. I still went to interviews and applied for job positions at the local FedEx spot.
Some people think that being homeless is rock bottom.
but the day I hit rock bottom was when Kim went into labor for our second daughter, Diamond and I rushed down to the hospital after taking 4 buses over a two hour journey. I arrived at the hospital and they wouldn’t let me in.

I identified myself as the father but they wouldn’t let me in. The charge nurse said to me

“Sir, your current physical state can be a threat to a new born. You have to wait outside sir”

I scanned myself. Because of my dirty clothes and my being prone to infections on the street, I understood what she meant but it was hard.
It was in that moment that I realized what rock bottom felt like.
And it hurt more than words can even describe.

PART 4 ON MONDAY with 20 comments. 

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