It is 7:03pm.
I just walked into the house. I flicked on the lights with my right hand, turned to my left and headed into the hallway. There, I turned on the heater and set my knee brace down in my room.

I wonder where my ring is. I usually wear it on the middle finger of my right hand but I haven’t been able to find it for about two days now.
Oh well.

Sooo… now I am sitting on the floor of my living room. The heater is blowing too loud to my left.
My feet are crossed.
The next words are being typed and here we are.

Something I have enjoyed about writing is it allows me to talk , spill my heart even when my mouth is shut.

Christmas is in a few days and I don’t feel the spirit nor do I feel festive but it will be nice to have a long weekend.
Every year for the last few years, I have sat down and written who and what I have been thankful for.

This year was harder.
I wrote about most of it in my last piece but I think I finally realized what I was thankful for.
By losing so much, I realized how much I gained.
There is a similar feeling I have right now, to the one I had at the end of last year.
So yes, I have told myself, that I let myself down.

But I realized, you don’t have to please anybody but your family and God.
Truly.
I spent so much time trying to be politically correct and “right” for folks that won’t deserve it.
Also, realizing that you are all you’ve got. At the end of the day, when the chips are down, all you really need is you.
So 2017 is about getting better with self, purpose, art and God.
Focus and channel your strength into all those things.

One thing I realized was that, intentionally or unintentionally, the things I channeled the most effort into are the things I succeeded at this year.
Keep your circle small. Keep your head down. And just be the best you.
Those goals you have lined out for 2017, chase those harder than anything out there.
Pray about them. Chase them. Pursue those goals.
2016, I am thankful for painful lessons.
I tried to love this year. I did.
Infant, I might have loved or at least what felt like it.
Truth is this, if you are not totally ready in 2017 and beyond, stay single. Tattoo it to your forehead and enjoy your time.
If you are not filled up, you will have nothing to give.
Ultimately you will hurt yourself and those you might even have intentions of loving.

Be true to you.
Protect your peace.
Cherish your happiness.
Do your best to show the people you genuinely love AND those that truly LOVE YOU, the best care you can.
Never give up on yourself. Even when others give up on you.
Cry if you have to and then get up.

It is okay to be alone, as long as you are happy and fulfilled.
Stress should be a thing of the past.
Do not deal with folks that hover for chaos.
Let your passions and purpose direct your path.
I know this piece is a bit all over the the place but it’s reflective of my mood right now.

2016. What a bloody wawuuuuu….

Parents
Thank you for always reminding me that I have you and I have God.
My mom would always redirect it back to place of safety in Christ. It was so hard to admit to her that I felt like I lost a bit of my way but truly grateful for the unconditional love parents show.

Ninzlo
There is a gift of foresight that God has given you. It is amazing.
So many times this year, you could have justifiably said
“Sanmi, I told you” or “I warned you”
I know you sometimes desperately want to but thank you for not.
Thank you for being a listening ear for holding me up. Praying for and with me.
Standing by me even when I have doubted my art, my truth, myself.
You are real one and I pray for a bigger 2017 for you.
It’s already loading anyways. Baba God no dey sleep! But you are still very annoying!

 

BeingBola
Man, so much of this year, you were everything. The aftermath of the fire.
When I felt depression creeping back in, even when I couldn’t verbalize. The thankless things you did. The morning voice notes of prayer.
When you would fight for me and pull me up.
This one is hard because of where things are now. But I trust God and I trust his word.
I pray for a better 2017 for you. And I pray he truly grants all your hearts desires. And I pray you find love.
And someone that you will feel safe to let go. And someone that will never give up on you.

 

Echeme
You are like a silent pillar.
2016, you were a bit scarce. More than you have been in recent years. A lot happened for you too but life in general was a challenge that we overcome. I always feel a sense of warmth and grounding when I talk to you.
We haven’t had one of those “hit your core” talks in a min. Now you ran and went to Nigeria. Useless.
I am happy for you and your love. It reminds me of a time and now inspires me back to a place I once knew.
Thanks brother.

 

AyoB
Man!
There is a level of vulnerability that came with meeting you and beginning to know you.
You are truly a gift. Somehow you have your way. The way you challenge me, I don’t get to slouch or have the easy route. I truly appreciate that.
And you steady giving them!
You have brought so much light to my path this year and I pray the same for you in 2017. Thank you so much.

 

Itafe
Yoooooooooooooooo. Where would I be without you?
You are just a pleasure in my life. A true definition of a brother.
A blessing.
You make me laugh effortlessly and you ALWAYS put a smile on my face.
Your advice, your humility and your honesty is so refreshing. You are truly one of the good guys.
And I am thankful for you. Like gahhh.. aint gonna cry but I love you bro.

 

D-O
I don’t think you have decided if you want to stay in my life and stop stressing me out or stay and keep stressing me out. Lol
But make up your damn mind!
Me I don tire o.
You were an unlikely confidant, one that I would sometimes even forget to thank but you have been truly amazing. Thank you for all of the times you weren’t fighting me lol

Mallamsawyer
There is an energy you bring. Genuineness in interactions that I admire.
You make people around you feel really good. And that is what I aspire to be always. We met on July 2nd and every interaction I have had with you since then has been positive. You might not even have realized it.
So thank you for your telling mark. It has been a blessing.
And to everyone new that I have met that is becoming more important in my life as the days go by, I appreciate you all. OO, TJ, Pepe, Jua,

For a long time, I spent 2016 trying to feel sorry for the things I lost but I had to become thankful for so much more.
For lessons, perspective, growth and the love of those that matter.
You won’t believe that it can get better but it does.
it really does.

Let thanksgiving never depart from your mouth.
There will be tears of overwhelm and of joy. But amongst all things, give thanks!
There is so much to look forward to in 2017!
No jokes!

I will be back to giving you monthly series. #TheRants will only be more impactful.
The book will finally come out. And that web series is definitely being worked on.
So trust me when I say 2017 is mine. It’s ours.
Its for #TheRants. Its for positive and powerful people.

It is for #WhatTheHeckMan

Check out my weekend offering. I will be releasing a one part story this Saturday. See the flyer below.

Till next time ladies and gentlemen!
Bless Up!
7:38pm

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Mad Over You by Runtown

Standing over the kitchen sink and looking outside the window into the small backyard of the condo, my head was spinning.

Why was this my luck?

Why couldn’t I just fall for a man who would treat me right and not come with added stress?

You know when you are consumed by so much anger and you  want to cry it out?

Like shed the tears before you act and do something you would regret.

I am not sure how long I had been standing there but I heard Tabitha walk into the room.

She said

“Bella, is everything okay?”

I smiled and tried to play it off but in my mind, I was

“asking how in the hell could everything be okay?!

You just sprung a baby on me!!!!”

“How are you ma?

How was your trip?”

I deflected.

She smiled and walked up to. Complete disregard for personal space.

She stood a mere two fee away from me and said

“I see you trying to be strong and thats commendable. It is okay to be angry or disappointed.”

There was a sudden comfort in knowing she understood what I was feeling. She continued and said

“From what I am gathering, you didn’t know that Darrell had a child?..”

I nodded.

She then smiled and said

“If it is any consolation. Neither did he.

He doesn’t even know yet. So it is up to us, you and I, to figure out how to break it to him”

Suddenly, I didn’t feel like the focal point.

It wasn’t about me.

This man didn’t even know that he had fathered a child out in the world. He was only a few hours away from returning home and I had to figure out how to tell him that he would be a daddy…to two children.

….

“So Tabitha (she insisted I call her that), how do you know that it is Darrell’s and who is the mother?’

She sipped from her tea and set it on the coaster.

She leaned back in her seat and started

“I came back from a funeral about 3days ago. I was in the shower when I heard a knock on the door.

It took me a few minutes to make it out but when I did, there was no one at the door. Just this beautiful baby boy.

I could tell he was Darrell’s just from how draw I was to him. His eyes.

There was a birth certificate in the car seat and it was signed by Darrell’s ex wife but had his name listed as the father.

I pondered on what do but there was no way in hell that I was going to tell him that kind of information over the phone.

So I spoke to my pastor and booked a flight. And here we are.

I tried to contact her but she did not answer. She and Darrell never had a bad divorce, so I don’t know why she did this but here we are”

She sighed and picked up her tea again while she glanced over to the baby peacefully sleeping on the couch. He was beautiful.

Tucked behind a wall of pillows, he was just safe.

“How old is he?”

I asked.

“7 months.”

She replied

“His name is Devon”

I sat back in my chair and rested on my right side while my left hand rubbed my bulging stomach.

“I don’t know what to do Ms. Tabitha. I don’t know how to tell Darrell.

This is a lot”

She smiled and said

“There is nothing we cannot conquer under the sun. Besides, that is why I am here.

You will not be doing this alone”

I will be here with you”

There truly was something comforting about her. I knew there was a reason her son was so amazing.

She smiled and sipped from her tea again and then placed the cup down.

…..

I was talking to my cousin on the phone up in our bedroom when I heard Darrell’s car pull up in the driveway.

My heart started to beat really fast.

I remember glancing at my Fitbit on my left wrist and exhaling.

Heading down the stairs, I caught a glimpse of Ms. Tabitha.

She was standing by the front door.

She smiled as I approached and she stretched out her right hand and squeezed my left hand.

I was nervous.

The door opened and Darrell stood shocked in the doorway.

It was as if he couldn’t believe that his mother was standing there.

She moved closed to him and opened her arms.

He leaned in and took in her hug.

“Mom, what are you doing here?”

She smiled and said

“I came to see my son”

as she patted him on his cheek.

He placed his bag by the bookshelf to the right of the door and kissed me on the lips as he said

“Hey baby”

I forced a smile and he caught it.

He said

“Whats wrong babe?”

Before I could respond, his mom said

“D, come sit down. I need to talk to you”

He looked at me with a slight frown and said

“Okay…”

as he took his seat on the couch.

I sat on the loveseat closest to his mother as she started talking.

“So a few days ago, it came to my attention that you have a son.

You ex wife dropped him off at my home and here I am…

There is a lot more to the story but I am sure you know it better than either one of us.

The child is here with me because I wanted you to know and meet him. I can fully step up and raise him like I did you.

I totally understand wanting to start afresh with Bella. But I wanted to make sure I let you know”

Darrell looked stunned.

It took him a moment to process and then he said

“So she lied when she said she miscarried…

Wow”

I wanted to get up and go to him but I also knew that he needed space.

He looked like he was angry and shocked at the same time.

But true to character, he took a deep breath and said

“Where is my son?”

His mother pointed to the guest room.

The way Darrell held him, I could tell. I could tell that through all the mistakes I made with Mfon, this was the man.

Tears began to roll down his cheeks as he kissed Devon on the forehead.

He turned and looked at me and before he could speak, I said

“Devon”

A wry smile and the tears streamed down.

He was proud.

There was going to be an aftermath to this event but in that moment, all that mattered was the moment.

He loved that child from the moment he set his eyes on him.

And I loved him even more.

Ms. Tabitha returned home and then came back to stay with us.

As I neared delivery and Devon moved in, I needed extra hands and she was truly my rock.

A perfect mother in law and I couldn’t be more thankful.

A new chapter was upon us and my structured story seemed like it was being written on a fresh page, filled with color and love.

…..

Everything was happening fast.

I was so excited for my future and the challenges to come.

I essentially was raising two new borns at the same time.

I think it was shortly after my sister had posted my pictures from the maternity shoot, but I received a call that shook me.

It was Mfon.

He called that afternoon and we spoke for a little while.

In that conversation, he apologized.

He told me that he saw my pictures with Darrell and he could tell I was happy.

Him not signing the papers was only because he could not come to terms with the fact that he let things get bad between.

I urged him to seek help and follow his heart.

If he wanted to be loved by the same sex, he should live his truth.

He told me that he had sent the papers over.

Signed.

And that I could come and take whatever items I wanted from the house, as Darrell and I moved into our new home.

It made me chuckle because that was how he was. Trying to do the sweet thing.

But it was unnecessary.

My life had moved forward and I didn’t want anything from the past to follow on.

Our chapter closed and that was the last time we spoke.

Darrell was facing his own challenges with his ex wife. She was being very difficult and trying to start a custody battle with him over Devon.

Even after she dropped him off!

I was furious but Darrell always told me not to stress.

One evening I heard him yelling on the phone to her

“…you just want Devon because Bella is being a better mother than you would ever be!

You gave him up! and now you want him back?!

No way… take me to court!

I will fight this with every bone in me! I can promise you that!”

When he came up to bed that night, I didn’t say a word.

I kissed his forehead and told him I loved him.

I knew it wasn’t the solution he sought but it was the best I had.

….

PLEASE DON’T FORGET TO SELECT MY NEXT SERIES BELOW.

….

A few days later, my life changed.

My status changed and my world began to orbit around another. My daughter and heart; Daisy.

I will never forget the pain and strength it took to arrive there.

Everything I had been through to that point was a precursor to where I needed to be.

Divorce, heartbreak, betrayal, restarting.

None of it came close to those moments when they asked me to push and I had past my limit of pushing.

But somehow as a mother, you dig deep.

Deeper.

Deeper than you have even gone.

You get lost in the love and life you bring that you forget the pain the world tries to make you see.

I fought for Daisy.

But I had fought for her before she was conceived.

This was Mfon’s child as well but she was all mine.

So here I was through all I stayed through, trying to hold my last marriage together.

I was about to start a family with a man who fathered a child with another and I was bringing a daughter that shared another father.

Life.

But it was my story and as I lay in that recovery room with Daisy in Ms. Tabitha’s hands, I was content.

Gathering my strength back, Darrell came up to me and sat next to me.

He leaned in and kissed my forehead as I forced a smile.

He smiled and then got serious as he said

“Bella, I am proud of you.

Through everything you have been through

You have been a rock

From every turn

And how life tried to make you stop

You conquered all

You are woman

My woman

A fighter and a warrior

A  beaming torch in dark world

You are a mother to these kids and to me

And I promise to love you like its the first time

I swear I will”

My eyes filled up.

I couldn’t say much but

“Darrell, I fucking love you”

He smiled and said

“Shhhh…we have kids now!

You can’t be using that kind of language”

I laughed.

A few minutes passed and then he said

“Oh babe, I noticed there was a huge purchase on the Chase credit card, was that you?”

I laughed even harder.

He smiled but looked surprised and then he said

“Whats funny babe?”

I continued to chuckle and then I stopped and said

“Let’s just say that someone’s ex wife will be receiving a huge delivery of expired baby food”

Still confused he said

“Who?”

I squeezed his hand and said

“Don’t worry my love. Don’t worry”

It clicked for him and he said

“Bella!

You are so petty!”

I smiled, shrugged and said

“At least, I’m still beautiful right?”

He nodded and leaned in for a kiss as he said

“Yes you are. Oh yes you are”

The End.

Bella is a story of triumph and glory. A thank you to women.

To those that stand firm and fight hard. For what they believe in and what is right.

There is a Bella in all of us. She went through so much. Life threw curve balls at her and she stayed strong. Think of your life, your 2016 and how many times you have falled but gotten back up. How many times did people do you wrong and expecte you to fail?
You are a fighter and a winner.

I wrote Bella for the women I know in my life that have been through one battle or another and those who are striving for better each day.
Your strength is life and life will favor you.
Never give up.
Be less petty.
And always happy.

Bella is my gift to you. Your true beauty is a gift to the world.

PLEASE COMMENT. 

~New series drops on Saturday! Do not miss it~

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Part 3

“You stupid bastard!”

I yelled as Darrell held me back.

Mfon clutched his face as he recovered from the heat and shock that just slapped him.

I wanted to strangle him.

“You stupid piece of shit. You really had me out here crying over your sorry ass!”

I was spewing all sorts of curses on his head.

All I remember was being carried out of the restaurant.

My fingers were sticky from some of the coffee. I was dripping in rage as the once sweet syrup that soaked our love, now tasted like stale burnt bread.

As I waited for Darrell to come out of the now chaotic restaurant. The police showed up.

They walked right past us and into the restaurant. Darrell, came out and we got into the car.

He didn’t speed or anything.

He just drove.

We arrived back at the house and he turned off the engine.

Mine was still running-overdrive.

I was filled with so much anger.

It truly felt like I had been injected with a cocktail of emotions. At an alarming speed, my brain was combing through emotions.

He quietly exited the car and walked into the house.

I just sat there; thinking and scheming.

I wanted to get him back.

I wanted to make him pay. This man put his hands on me.

And left marks that scarred beyond the physical. There was a mixture of failure and a resolution to make him pay, in the worst ways.

I considered telling his family members and the entire Nigerian community.

If only I was truly that wicked but I knew I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I almost felt cuffed by the institution. But I only had myself to blame.

After all, I went in there and asked them to join me to this worthless being.

I hated the church.

I hated my family.

Questioned my own instincts and suddenly I arrived at it; I blamed Bella.

I must have been in the car for a minute because when I walked in Darrell was asleep.

I headed straight for the shower after I placed my purse down.

The water was really hot. I lowered myself to the floor of the shower and just allowed the water to beat my skin.

Each drop burned but not as much as every memory that floated into my mind.

I really wanted to not think about him. I thought of the two years wasted.

Of all the things I put on hold for the betterment of this man.

I swear, I felt used.

My mind went back to our wedding night.

How handsome he looked in that tuxedo. How his smile lit up the room and tickled my pink.

How I couldn’t wait to be his wife. How I couldn’t wait to cook for him. Pray for and with him. Hold him up.

How I couldn’t wait for him to enter me in the worst ways. And then he threw it all away for someone else. Much less another man.

I started crying and I didn’t know I was loud until I heard Darrell come in.

He said,

“Babe, are you okay?”

I didn’t bother to stop crying.

He came in closer and said,

“Bella, are you okay?”

“I’m okay. I just want to be by myself”

I replied through water.

He stopped in his tracks and said,

“But Bella, I am here for you.”

I could feel his helplessness but I truly just wanted to be alone.

I heard him exit the bathroom.

The shower was not refreshing. I walked out feeling physically clean and emotionally soiled.

I dried myself off and walked into the room.

He was sitting upright in the dark on his phone. As I walked into the room, he placed his phone down and the room was pitch black except for the lighting from the DVR beneath the television.

I hit the light switch and the room lit up.

Standing by the bathroom door with a glum face, I opened my mouth and tried to speak but the words didn’t come out.

I could see the anticipation in his eyes, he wanted to know what he could do to fix it for me.

But there was no short fix.

I stood there and tried again.

This time the words came out.

“Darrell, I’m pregnant.”

His eyes grew big and he seemed excited for a brief second and then it vanished.

He then said,

“Is it mine?”

My head dropped.

I replied,

“No, its not.”

He got up and walked to me.

His arms provided the warmth and his heart the safety I needed. He wrapped them around me and kissed my forehead.

I wasn’t sure how things would play out but in that moment I felt safe.

……

The weeks slowly added up and I fully moved in to Darrell’s place. He was still shuttling between both cities and I would stay in the house when he was gone.

I was still in love with this man.

It was happening with each passing day.

I would find myself picking up the nuggets from my last experience and trying to apply them with Darrell.

He was so sweet and considerate. I could see him going the extra mile for me and wanting to take care of me.

My belly was growing and my anger towards Mfon was reducing.

I was feeling myself allowing him back in.

I really did not want to forgive but I could not hold my anger.

The days were long as I worked part time and mostly from home. I had too much time on my hands.

Mfon would call and try to explain himself. Our families also wouldn’t take their foot off the gas.

Everyone wanted me to forgive him for the sake of the baby.

You see my view was that I had always hesitated around bringing a baby into the world. And now I was going through with it, with a man I could not trust. So I had to be sure, I protected my child and most importantly my own life.

One evening, I was in the worst of moods.

In limbo, I hated where I was. Mid divorce, pregnant and living in the house of another man.

I think when I envisioned my life as a woman, none of those things came to mind as possibilities.

So I felt unfulfilled and behind schedule. Angry at myself and some of the decisions that got me there.

I was in my feelings as Darrell returned from a long shift.

In my mind, I knew that it was the best time for the kind of conversation I was about to start with him. But somewhere in there, I needed that validation. I needed to hear him say the things I wanted to hear.

“How was your day?”

I asked him as he unbuttoned his shirt.

Without looking at me, he replied,

“It was good. Just really long”

I went quiet for a bit and then I said,

“I was thinking today…what are we doing here?”

He glanced at me and said,

“What do you mean?”

“I just want to know what we are doing here. This baby, getting the divorce, living with you. I just want to know. What are your plans?

Why am I here?”

He looked confused as he slid on his shorts. He said,

“We have talked about this before and I think you know my intentions. So why is this coming up?”

I scoffed and said,

“You know what, never mind.”

He growled in frustration and said,

“Bella, you know thats mad annoying. Can you please just tell me whats going on?”

I knew I had him. But I couldn’t just bring myself to speak up then.

“Darrell its nothing really”

He was trying so hard to not lose his cool. He sighed as he came and sat next to me.

He asked me again,

“Bella, if something is the matter, can you lets just talk about it now.

There is no reason to start something and then say nothing.”

I still didn’t respond.

He waited a few minutes and then he sighed really loudly and got up.

As he was about to talk, I spoke,

“So what am I to you?

This version of a wife in your home. Am I just here so you can feel good about yourself?

Do you even care about me?… Like wtf happens when this baby comes?

You’ll just be over me”

I looked at his face as I stopped talking. Shock, anger, disappointment and disgust all mixed in one.

He took a step back and said,

“Bella, are you fucking serious right now?”

I looked away. He didn’t say much after that.

“Bella, you know better and you are just wrong for all that. I have nothing to say.

I’ll sleep in the other room.”

He exited the room and I think that sent me over the edge.

Now I was so angry at myself because I didn’t get what I wanted and there was no hope of me getting it.

I cried that night as I felt empty.

He never left that room all night.

The next morning, he was gone before I woke up.

I went into the room, hoping to apologize and he wasn’t there.

I tried to go about my day, hoping to apologize for my childish behavior later that night.

So when I heard a knock on the door around midday, I was nervously excited. I thought he had come back from work early and we were going to squash things.

I made my way to the door and opened it up without looking through the peephole and there he was.

Mfon.

….

“Mfon, what are you doing here?”

I was surprised and certainly taken aback.

He tried to smile.

“I had to see you, Bella”

He replied.

“How did you get this address?”

I asked,

“I just asked the right questions. Can I come in?”

I replied with a sharp,

“No”

He nodded and continued,

“Well I just wanted to let you know that I want your forgiveness and I am willing to work for it.

But more importantly, I am not letting go. I want to be in the life of my child, so I will do everything possible”

I nodded and said,

“I have nothing against you being in the life of our child but I just want to be clear that we are over.

I would really appreciate if you just signed the papers and allowed the courts to do their job.

This whole year has been stressful enough. I just want to move on”

Still standing at the foot of the stairs, he looked up to me and said,

“I’m not signing those papers”

I couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth. I wanted to jump on him and bite his neck off.

“Are you fucking kidding me? After everything!

You better sign those papers or I will make your life a living hell Mfon, a living hell!”

I was fuming and yelling at the top of my lungs when I noticed Darrell’s car pulling up.

He parked in the driveway and hopped out.

Mfon turned and started to back away.

As he walked away, he said,

“I’ll be in touch”

Darrell walked past him as he nodded.

As he got close to me and said,

“What did he want?”

I turned around and walked into the house.

Darrell followed me in and said,

“Bella, are you okay?”

I turned and said,

“No!

No I’m not okay!

He’s not letting me move on”

Darrell moved closer to me and then he took my hand.

He looked down at me as I looked up to him and very softly, he said,

“Marry me”

I couldn’t believe the words. I stepped back and said,

“What?”

He didn’t bat an eye.

He repeated himself,

“Marry me Bella”

All I could think was WhatTheHeckMan.

…..

I was on a cloud.

In a different planet to be very honest.

The stars were beneath my toes and I felt so happy.

The way Darrell took care of me, ladies would understand. He checked the boxes and I could see a great father in him.

The lawyers were doing their work and the divorce process was nearing a close.

We had started looking at homes in the area and preparing for our next chapter.

Everything was falling in place.

I was returning from the grocery store that Sunday evening. As I emptied the trunk and I was taking the groceries into the house, a car pulled up and an older woman came out.

She stopped me and said,

“You must be Bella”

I nodded and said,

“Yes and you are?”

She smiled and said,

“My name is Tabitha and I am Darrell’s mother.”

I felt a twitch. I had heard so much about her and I was very sad that we hadn’t properly met.

“Oh my God!

It’s so nice to meet you ma. Come in!”

She smiled really big and took in my hug before pulling away and becoming very serious.

She looked at me and said,

“So are you ready to be a mother?”

I smiled and nodded as I said,

“Yes ma. I am excited”

She shook her head and then pointed to the back seat of the car she had just exited. Then she said,

“Not to the baby inside of you. A mother to that child.

Darrell’s son”

She looked at me and I looked at her.

No words were said but there was something deep I felt.

Oh Lord, say it with me y’all What The Bloody Heck Man!

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Confessions of a Yoruba Demon 4

Word travelled fast as I left the hospital and returned home.

Think of gossip flowing through the grapevine between Nigerian Aunties. It moved faster than your mood from angry to not angry after you get your hands on food.

There were calls of concern and care.

People were genuinely worried about me and I could feel the love.

Taiwo and Cynthia were basically living with me at this point and I could truly feel their love in it’s purest form.

I was trying to live a normal life but no one was normal. I could feel the pain in all their hearts.

But I was the only one that knew was I was feeling.

One afternoon, I heard a knock on the door as I exited the bathroom.

I sluggishly walked to the door.

I leaned forward and looked into the peep hole, it was like my eyes were playing tricks on me.

Back, I leaned and then forward again.

On second glance, I saw clearly that it was Annie.

As I opened the door, I stepped to the side and allowed her in.

Standing in the same spot where I had slumped a few days prior, she said

“Hi Kola”

I turned the lock on the door and said

“Hi Annie”

as the words left my tongue, Taiwo came out of the room and into the hallway.

She was looking dead at Annie when she said

“What are you doing here?”

Annie sighed.

Before she could answer, I jumped in and said

“Taiwo, can you please give us some privacy?”

She rolled her eyes and said

“I asked her to tell me why she’s here and I want an answer”

as she approached Annie and I.

Annie replied and said

“I came to show honest care and concern. Something you obviously know nothing about”

I could almost hear Taiwo grinding her teeth as her fists clenched.

I immediately changed my standing position to occupy a space between both of them and I again said

“Taiwo, please go back to the room please”

She hissed and said

“You’re lucky”

as stormed back towards the room.

I motioned Annie toward the couch where she sat and I asked

“So what can I do for you?”

She fiddled with her hands and said

“Kola, I just came to apologize and say I’m sorry for all that happened.

I can’t help but feel like I contributed to the whole thing by what I did that day and I’m really sorry”

I made a sound that was almost a mixture of a scoff and a smile as I said

“it’s okay. It’s all in the past now.

We good”

She apologized a bit more and stood to leave when she said

“I heard you were poisoned. I don’t know if you care, but it was not the one who did that. I would never do that to you”

I smiled and didn’t respond as I held open the front door.

She smiled and took a step forward as if to walk out and quickly she turned.

She hugged me and squeezed me.

“Kola, I still love you and I need you.

Please come back to me”

I let go of the door, it slid and closed.

I looked down at Annie as she sobbed. Her tears soaking my shirt.

I placed my hands around her back as I tried to comfort her.

She looked up and our eyes met, I leaned in and I didn’t know when I kissed her.

It was not one of those “she forced herself on me” situations. I actually went in for the kiss.

It felt good.

There was a surge through my body.

She sucked on my bottom lip as our tongues interlocked.

We must have been tongue tied for a few minutes before something clicked in my head that Taiwo was only two doors away.

She stepped back and wiped her juicy lips.

We both smiled and I spoke first

“Annie, we have to talk about this some more but later”

She smiled and said

“I look forward to it”

Not without leaning in and planting another long kiss on my lips before heading out.

I watched her as she walked through the halls and towards the stairwell,

“Oh how do I keep getting myself into this?”

I thought to myself.

Reopening doors that should stay closed. Oh great Nigerian man.

….

My mother was due to arrive that evening.

So right before as Cynthia and Taiwo made dinner in the kitchen, I said to both

“There will be no talk of dying or anything along the lines to my mother.

Okay?”

They both agreed.

I then brought up the earlier interaction as Cynthia and I teased Taiwo.

“…you should have seen her clenching her fist like she was going to beat Annie!

It was so funny!”

I recanted to a beaming Cynthia.

Taiwo jumped in

“I don’t know whats so funny. Me that I was ready to beat her ass. Y’all here laughing”

I replied as I laughed

“She was just trying to apologize”

Taiwo chimed in again and said

“Thats how it starts and then she’ll want to be talking to you. Then she’s kissing you and before you know it, you’re fucking her.

You dont know women”

I laughed as Cynthia suddenly switched sides and agreed with her.

“Yup Kola. It always starts with some cry baby act before we start using our tears to wash your penis.

You know better”

I smiled knowing that Annie’s lips were just all over mine.

but that was for me to worry about.

A few hours later, my mother and Taiwo arrived from the airport.

The mood quickly changed. There was an air of seriousness or cautiousness that my mother brought into the space.

We all ate together and watched a Nigerian movie my mother selected.

About halfway through the movie, my mother looked at me and said

“Kola, je kin ri e.”

Kola let me see you (in private)

We headed to my room, she sat down on the bed and said

“Sit down”

I sat next to her as she began speaking. It was a mixture of simple words and prayers.

She was crying through it all as she said

“….I have learned to not question God but this leaves a big question mark regarding his loyalty to me. I thanked him for you and raised you in his ways and re-dedicated you to him.

This is not fair but I want to tell you that I love you more than my own life”

As she spoke, I felt her heart break into tinier pieces than mine.

My mother was my everything, and to see her shattered like that was hard to swallow.

I reached my hands around her and pulled her close.

She squeezed my shirt and sobbed harder reciting my Oriki (praise poetry, is a cultural phenomenon among the Yòrùbá-speaking people of West Africa.)

I looked down and slowly moved her off me and I said

“Mummy, I’m not dying”

Stunned.

She sat up straight and said

“Ehn!”

I swallowed hard and quietly repeated myself and said

“Mummy, I am not dying.”

She looked at me like I was strange and said

“What are you saying Kola???”

She stood up and raised her voice as she said

“Are you serious???

You had the entire family worried and devastated and you are not sick

Explain it to me!!!”

I stood up and motioned to her, gently asking her to quiet down

as I spoke

“You see, I spoke to the doctor and paid him so we could plan the whole thing.

I just needed a fresh start and for all these women to leave me alone.

It was weighing me down”

Her mouth was ajar.

She was stunned

If she could slap me at that moment, I bet she would have.

There was so much disappointment in her eyes.

I couldn’t hide.

I wanted to hide but I couldn’t.

“A new beginning is moving to a new state or country. Getting a different career, giving your life to God… but this… this is low.

Even for you.

I can’t believe this”

She got up and exited the room.

I wanted to follow her but I was ridden with so much shame.

I just sat on the floor there and played my actions.

All I concluded with was that it needed to be done. It might have seemed horrible to others but to me, it was necessary.

…..

The rest of the week, my mother and I danced around each other. She barely spoke to me.

My mother ranks high as one of the most passive aggressive people I know.

She was clearly upset with me but not saying anything.

Even Taiwo asked me what happened and I played it off as her just being upset with the situation.

It was around 6am when I felt a sharp slap around my shoulder.

It wasn’t your friendly wake up call.

It was firm and painful.

I sprung up and said

“What?!”

It was my mother and she put her finger across her lips.

She stood over me and said

“There are people out in the living room.

You are going to go out there and tell them the truth about all this.

Otherwise, I will”

I looked at her in shock and said

“Huh?”

She looked angry as she said

“Kola, don’t make me slap you here. If you know what is good for you, you will get up and go out there now.

Thank God you know I don’t stand for this nonsense”

I was so upset.

This was why I didn’t want my mother to know about this whole situation.

I sluggishly got myself out of bed with my mother policing me, almost like when I was in grade school.

She walked behind me as I walked to the living room. As I turned the corner, I noticed two people sitting on the couch; Annie and Cynthia.

I actually let out a sigh of relief because Taiwo wasn’t there.

She was the one I wanted anyways.

I sat across from them and finally gathered the courage to speak and I said

“I want to start by saying I am sorry.

I have been selfish and a coward. I have lied to both of you and even made you feel like you weren’t enough for me.

I lied to both of you and others about my medical condition, I am not actually dying. I just did that because I wanted to leave all the situations I have at the moment and return to a stress free life.

I know you probably hate me, but I Truly enjoyed the memories we made and I hope someday you can both forgive me”

Annie said nothing.

She got up, picked her bags and walked out.

I turned and watched her leave.

Cynthia sat there with her hands on her laps and my mom at the end of the couch.

She sighed and said

“It’s unfortunate that you have people that actually love you but you have done such a despicable thing to them.

To bring such grief to people you call family is just downright low and beneath you.

And to think I was holding off on telling you that I was pregnant.”

I gasped and sat straight.

She looked at me and said

“Calm down.

It’s not yours and I’m glad because you changed Kola.

You really changed. This was not the man I fell for.

I wish you all the best but I’m out”

I heaved a sigh of relief. For a quick second, I thought I was going to lose out on everything and somehow have ended up as a father.

Cynthia stood up and left.

She shook her head as she said

“You brought this upon yourself”

She walked and left the house. She would later return as she was still staying with me till she found her own place.

As everything settled, I got up and my mother looked at me. Her glare was telling, then she said most she had said to me in days

“I am proud of you for manning up but I am leaving tomorrow back to Nigeria”

I didn’t even get a reply in. She walked out of the room.

Somewhere in my mind, I felt less pressure on my shoulders.

I still had to talk to Taiwo, at least now we could properly be together.

I picked up my keys and in my shorts,

I headed over to her house.

About 30 minutes later, I was knocking on her door.

My heart was racing.

I heard someone walking towards the door.

It opened moments later.

“Hey babe”

I said.

She smiled and said

“Hi Kola”

That greeting might have sounded normal to everyone else in the world but I knew Taiwo, she was upset.

I looked at her, smiled as I said

“You must have heard huh?”

“Heard what?”

she replied swiftly.

I realized this wasn’t going to be easy.

“Taiwo, I lied about being sick.

I paid the doctor to say all that at the hospital. I just wanted to get everyone out of the way, so we can better together.

I’m sorry I lied to you baby.

I would never do anything to hurt you”

Taiwo closed the door.

Huh?

I was so confused. I heard some shuffling on the other side then the door opened again.

Taiwo had a box in her hand.

She placed it on the floor between us.

Then she stepped in the doorway and said

“You are a liar, manipulator and a self centered prick.

So no. I don’t want you or your love that taints or hurts others.

In this box, I have packed all your shit.

Please leave me alone and never contact me, I don’t need your love.”

She slammed the door.

That was it.

I couldn’t believe what had just unfolded.

I wanted to scream/cry/punch something all in the same breath.

I couldn’t even gather myself to pick up my belongings in the box.

Slowly, I trudged to my car.

The drive back home was painful. I kept playing it all in my head and trying to find ways I could have avoided all of this.

I felt like I had eggs broken only face.

What The Heck Man.

When I returned home, I sat in my car for almost an hour.

You know that defeated stance where you even get home but you can’t bring yourself to go inside.

I finally pulled myself in.

When I opened the door, Cynthia was watching the television and my mother was in the kitchen.

Standing in the door, I couldn’t hold it anymore. I started crying profusely.

Cynthia got up and approached me.

She said

“Are you okay?”

I looked at her as I slumped to the ground.

My mom said

“Whats wrong with him?”

Cynthia said

“Annie posted a secret recording of him confessing that he lied to people about being terminally illl.

It is all over the internet”

I raised my head and looked up to her as I said

“What video?”

She looked at me puzzled and said

“You haven’t seen it?”

I hadn’t seen the video.

Apparently Annie had a camera in her purse, recording me that morning as I confessed being a fucking liar to her.

She had never been one to play fair and I couldn’t even muster anger towards her.

I felt a sharp pain in my stomach.

The tears flowed faster and I slumped farther into darkness.

Cynthia then said

“Kola, you’re bleeding”

I cleaned my nose with my right forearm and there was blood on it.

She asked

“Are you okay?”

My mother hissed and said

“Nosebleeds?

He gets those when it’s too hot or he’s stressed. He brought this stress on himself.

Kola go to the bathroom and wash that nonsense off before you stain the walls”

She walked right past me and into the bedroom.

And in that moment, I realized how low I had fallen.

My reputation was tarnished and I lost all the women I had and even my mother walked away from me as my heart lay broken.

And all I could think was What The… you know the rest.

I hope you enjoyed the Confessions of a Yoruba Demon series. I know lately they have gained prominence for creative heartbreaking techniques and patterns. I enjoyed writing this series and I hope you enjoyed reading it.

Please if you know a Yoruba demon, stay with him. He needs all your love.

LOL it’s play o! RUN!!!!!

But in all good fun, ladies and gentlemen, treat your partners well.

“Yoruba demonizing” is a way of life. WE must all cast and bind!

Please leave a comment/SHARE and let’s meet back up here next Saturday for a brand NEW series from the mind of your one and only

The Wordsmith.

Till next week, Stay Up!

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Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated.