#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · African Fiction · African Stories · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Stories · TheRants

Against Counsel – Part 2

I just stood there, staring at them.
Motionless.
I wanted to move, but I couldn’t.
My therapist would later say it was due to the shock I felt and I have to agree.
How could he?
How could he stoop so low?
How could he do that me after everything?

My face was blank as he covered up himself up with the bed sheets.
He stretched out his hands and said,

“Babe, let me explain!”

I didn’t let him finish, instead, I turned to the left towards the man standing there.

Right then it struck me, I knew who he was!

As I turned to him, he ducked and tried to hide his face.

I moved closer to him and said,

“Turn the fuck around!”

He failed to move.

I walked up behind him and placed my hand on the back of his right shoulder and made him turn around.

I was right. I knew him, I just wasn’t sure where from.

I squinted while I looked at him and said,

“Where do I know you from?”

His head down and turned away. As he turned, it struck me.

My eyes grew big as I gasped,

“Aren’t you Susan’s brother?!”

He turned and bolted for his clothes. Susan was one of my employees and her brother had interned for me a few years prior.

I started laughing sarcastically as my husband approached me.

“You are such a dog!
Worse than the filth of this Earth! Oh my God!
How did I ever think to marry you?”

I headed for the door as he reached for me. His left arm touched me. I turned and screamed,

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!!!”

I stormed out of the room.

On my way out of the house, I stopped by the living room and grabbed my iPhone charger.
It wasn’t until after I had been held up in traffic and driving for about 10 minutes, that I began to I broke down.
Tears were streaming down my face, I felt broken.
Shattered.

I kept asking myself  two questions, “Why?” and “What will people think of me?”

I felt like my world was crumbling around me.
I was so lost in thought that I didn’t realize when traffic started moving. The car behind me honked, and I stepped on the gas a little too hard and I bumped into the car in front of me.

…..

I called my driver who I had just dismissed earlier when I stormed out of the house.
The person I hit was yelling at me hysterically. It made sense, especially since the car he was driving belonged to his boss.

I tried to calm him down but he wouldn’t stop yelling. Cars were squeezing around us to get through.
I just wanted to get out of there.

“Madam! I no know how you go do am but you must pay me o. My oga (boss) go kill me!!”, he hysterically wailed at me.

Frustrated, I took a deep sigh and asked,

“How much will be enough to cover this?”

He stopped and looked at me,

“Madam, me I no know o but you go pay for am.”

I turned to my driver and said,

“Adamu, go with him to the mechanic. I will call my assistant to meet you there. She will handle the bill once the car is fixed.”

He nodded and said,

“Madam, you sure sey you go dey okay?”

I nodded while waving him off. I turned to the driver of the car I hit and asked,

“That one go dey okay?”

He shyly nodded as his face was washed with relief.

They both jumped into the other car and headed off.
I returned to my car and headed for a nearby hotel that my husband and I frequently used on date nights.
I just needed some quiet so I could think.

As my back touched the bed, I curled up into a ball and it felt like my mind began doing a full highlight reel of my life with my husband.
Every situation and circumstance we had experienced. I couldn’t begin to understand what was going on.
My heart began to go through different phases. There was betrayal, then anger, then I felt guilt and embarrassment.

“Maybe this was my fault for not giving him children.”, I thought to myself.
But that would not explain him being with a man.

Another wave of tears came about, I had been with a man that was a liar and a fraud.
How could I have been so stupid?
I pretty much cried myself to sleep that night.

When I opened my eyes, it was 9am.
I was typically up before 5am on most days. I was clearly exhausted.

I had my clothes from my trip to Ghana, so I freshened up and decided that I would go about my day.
The one thing I was sure of was that if I stayed balled in, I would only think about my problems.
So I decided to immerse myself into my work, with the hopes of getting better.

I showed up at the office with my sunglasses on as I walked through the building.
No one was going to see the pain in my eyes.
I met with my first clients of the day, shortly after 11am.

They were a couple going through a divorce. A huge part of providing therapy for anyone is always being able to check your countertransference.
As they discussed their issues with me, I found myself doubting every word that came out of the man’s mouth.
I could just hear the words my husband said at our last session, coming out of his mouth like it was a voice over….

“I would never leave you for another woman…”

Carefully put by a bastard who had mastered playing the lines.
Yes, he did not leave me for a man but he thought it was okay to be with another man?

My mind had wandered and I snapped back into the present.
I don’t even remember giving any advice to that couple that day, I just wanted them to be honest with themselves.

I said to both of them, “This will only work if the two of you are truly and completely honest with each other.
Not even seeing me will help if the other is still holding back.”

That was the crux of what I said before I sent them on their way.
I was responding to emails when I heard a knock on the door.

“Come in.” ,I said in an even tone.
The door drifted open and I looked up. It was my husband.

Filled with disgust, I asked, “What are you doing here?”

He shut the door behind him and he got down on his knees as he said, “Please let me explain.”

I could not believe this man.

I stood up and yelled, “Explain what…?!
How you cheated on me with another man?
How you lied to my face in months of therapy?
How long have you been taking it up your ass? Huh…?! How long have you been exposing me to diseases and disrespect…? Tell me!
Is that what you came to explain…?

…we were supposed to be in this together. To prove the world wrong and show that true love perseveres.
Everything I preach and teach my clients is a lie! All because of you and your selfish ass.
I pray you rot in hell. I have nothing more to say to you.
Get out of my office!”

He stayed on the floor and just looked up at me for mercy.
Mercy didn’t live here.
I knew no mercy and I say this to you now, if I could, I would have killed him.

He stretched out his hands like a beggar in Ojodu and said, “Please find it in your heart to forgive me.”

Those words set me off.

“Forgive you?!
Forgive you???
No, I need to find a way to forgive myself for the mistake of marrying you. Since you won’t leave, I’ll leave for you.”

I grabbed my purse, car keys and made my way for the door.
As I approached him, he stood up and grabbed me.
Those strong arms that once protected me, felt like a prison I could not break free from.

“Let me go! Tobias, let me gooooo!
Let me go.. let me goo… let meeeee gooooo!!”

I broke down in tears in his arms as he held the back of my head.
I cried in his arms and he held on to me. A part of it felt familiar and also unclean.
A few moments passed and I pushed him off.
Teary eyes, I looked up to him and said, “You fucked me over. I never did anything to deserve this!”

I stormed out of my office and caught the eye of Lizzy, my assistant as I headed out.
I paused and said, “You can reach me on my cell for any urgent matters but please reschedule all my appointments for the week and help me look into a ticket to London for next week. Thanks.”

She forced a smile as I walked out.

Lizzy was a true confidant and as I headed out, I felt like I trusted her more than I trusted myself.

As I drove away, I selected the late Fela Anikulapo Kuti’s album “Gentleman”.
Windows down, shades on, tears streaming down my cheeks – I blasted one of the truly legendary albums ever released out of Africa.
Straight to my sister’s house, I went. I needed a lifting.
I needed my nieces.

……

Nobody was home when I arrived.
I parked on the side of the street and just sat on the front steps.
Gazing into the settling evening, I must have been sitting there for about 4 hours.

I heard their footsteps as they turned the corner, my nieces ran up to me and hugged me.
Their parents followed closely behind.
As my sister approached me, she said, “How long have you been sitting there?”

I smiled and lied, “Not too long. How are you guys?!”

I redirected my attention to my nieces. Off they went!

Chattering about their day and everything colorful within it. Bliss.
As we entered the living room, they headed to their rooms to finish their homework and then come out to play.

My sister and I sat down in the living room. Her husband turned on the television and flipped through the sports channels.

She turned and asked me point blank, “What is wrong?”

A part of me wanted to lie but I couldn’t anymore.

I dropped my head for a moment, took in a deep breath. I looked up and said, “Tobias has been cheating on me”

She gasped.

Her husband turned around and looked towards us. He stepped back from the television and came to sit next to me.

She gathered herself and said, “Sis, I am so sorry to hear that…
…Are you okay?
How did you find out…?”

I smiled and fought back tears as I said, “Let’s just say I found out.”

My sister patted my back and simultaneously rubbed it as she said, “You know you are always welcome to come and stay here with us.”

I nodded and replied, “That won’t be necessary. I am already staying somewhere.”

She knew better than to argue with me.

I gave them some more updates on my trip to Ghana and the last 12 hours of my day with him coming to my office.

As I wrapped up, I asked, “Where are the girls?”

My sister replied and said, “They are finishing up their homework. They should be done soon.
…In the meantime, can I get you anything to drink? Water, juice, wine, whiskey…?”

She motioned and smiled as she walked towards the kitchen.
I smiled at her trying to cheer me up and said, “Whiskey. On the rocks.”

“Alrighty! Babe, what about you?”,she asked her husband.

“A beer is okay babe.”

She disappeared into the kitchen.

As the kitchen door closed, her husband moved closer to me and said, “I am sorry Adeola. I can’t even begin to understand how hard this must be for you”

He paused and said,“This doesn’t change much for me though, I still think you need to tell him.”

I looked at him in confusion and said, “Why would I need to tell him that? Why would I even tell anyone that right now?”

He sighed and said, “I understand that it is hard for you but you have to tell him. You need to tell the people you love. They deserve to know.”

As those words sailed off, my sister was halfway into the room.

She said, “Tell us what.”

I looked up and saw the uncertainty written all over her face.

I looked at her husband, her and then sighed before saying, “I have stage IV ovarian cancer.”

Before I could finish my sentence, the glass in her hand dropped and shattered all over the floor.

At that very same moment, from the corner of my eye, I saw my nieces burst into the living room.

It all happened like it was in slow motion but the farthest from it, my life was a rollercoaster ride at it was about to fly off the tracks.

Be back here on Saturday 7-29-17 for Part 3 of this gripping series; Against Counsel

 

Against Counsel – Part 2 by The Wordsmith @adewus4real

Thanks for the love and support.
Stay up

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#SanmiSaturdays
© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan

 

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · Life · TheRants

I F*cked a Prostitute in Amsterdam

Burna’s Rock Your Body playing….

I am sitting next to an empty boat on the water in the middle of the Red Light District.
Let’s just start by saying I hate the use of the word “Prostitutes”. Sex workers is a much classier title.
It’s late. Four minutes to eleven.
There is an outdoor male toilet about 10feet to my left.
I wandered here.
On both sides of the water, there are probably about 400 people just doing people stuff.
We are all here for similar or different reasons, after all.

I’m in a mood.
You might know it.
Somewhere in between a huge meltdown and riding a wave of optimism.
I am on probably my most elaborate and exciting vacation in my life.
Taking in culture and experiences but something feels missing.

Everyone seems to think I should have the world at my feet. Recent MBA graduate, “talented writer”, host of growing show, handsome man who should be happy in love but I can’t seem to meet this guy they speak of.

 

Graduating recently came with a well-deserved lap of honor before my family and friends but reality soon set in.
I don’t know what to do next.
I am annoyed, tired and just mostly mehhhhh.

Being on the cusp of what next has me shook.
Because I am now asking “what next?”
I know what I want to happen next career wise- an opportunity that allows me to be of service while paying me what I am now worth with the debt AND let’s not forget education that I have now acquired.
I also want to start pushing this creativity thing.
I have started working on my book and I really want to take script writing classes. I want to bring life to some of the work I have done but also tell stories of real people.

Check out my current series Against Counsel here.

Kiss Daniel’s Sofa is blasting in my ears as I wonder why I love it so much.
Today, I visited the Anne Frank house in Amsterdam. I was moved to say the least.
Sometimes I wish I didn’t “feel” as much as I do.
But her story is unique and much like mine, it was living on the fear that it may never be told.

Anne and her Jewish family hid in an Annexe in Amsterdam from the Germans that invaded the Netherlands during World War II. She and her siblings never left that house for two years.
She wrote extensively in her diary which would later become one of the most read books around the world.

The thing about Anne that I resonated with was that she found courage even without understanding how it would turn out.
She kept writing.
I have so much so why do I keep holding out on myself.

I am sitting by the water because I could feel a horrible mood coming on.
I just walked out of my hotel and left a sleeping Itafe to come here.
Because I needed something, something I couldn’t give myself.
But the moment I opened the note app and started writing this, I felt a bit better.
I have no formal writing training and I think I am a horrible writer – I am definitely my own worst critic.
So why am I not seeing me?
The boat I was sitting next to and hoping to get on to take pictures is now drifting away. It must be the wind. Smh

Have you felt like you knew what step to take but you couldn’t?
Or you wanted to do more but you are unsure how?
Or everyone wants more of you but you have not the first clue how to start?
Sigh.
Join me and take a deep breath.
Let’s figure it out together, one line at a time.

Write out your next goal.
And what you need to do to get to it.
Now exhale.
Listen, you can do it.
Will it be easy? Hell the fuck no.
But you can do it.

As I get up to leave, one of the sex workers inside one of the Red windows, opens her door and says “hey cutie”.
I only heard her because I just turned of Bruno Mars singing “Chunky” in my ear.
I stopped and she said in what sounded like a Romanian accent

“Why you no smile baby?”

I smiled instantly and she said

“Enjoy your night”

I laugh as she does.
I turn around and notice that the boat I was sitting next to has now drifted right back to being right next to me.
I’m laughing as I write these final lines.
It’s an empty boat on sight but finessed right, it has all the necessary elements for a journey.
You ready? 😊

Please leave me a comment below. Thanks!

It’s #WordsOfWednesday by The Wordsmith @adewus4real
Stay up!

Part 2 of my current series “Against Counsel” will be out on 7.22.17

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#WordsOfWednesday
© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · African Fiction · African Stories · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Stories · TheRants · Uncategorized

Against Counsel

 

“Mummy, buy groundnut?
Mummy, buy from me ma. It’s fresh one”

The little boy hawked his bottled ground nuts to me. I could see the desperation in his eyes.
This was his livelihood. He had to sell.
I so badly wanted to get him out of his reality but was that really my place?

“How much?

I asked

“tiri (three) hundred naira ma”

I handed him a thousand naira note.
He took a quick glance at it and then said

 

“Mummy, I no get change ma”

I smiled and said

“No worry. Keep am”

His face lit up and he almost jumped in place with shock written all over his face.
He tried to hand me the bottle of ground nut.
I said

“I no want”

He looked even more surprised and said

“But you just pay for am mummy..”

I nodded and said

“I know. But I no dey chop am”

He finally got it
He knelt down on the hot tar in Lagos traffic and thanked me

“God go bless you madam. Anything you day find, God go day bless you”

I smiled as I rolled up the window in the back of my car.
I looked up at the driver and the traffic still ahed of us.
This was the part I hated and loved about Lagos.
Moments like this in traffic, I could think and gather my thoughts but also get consumed by thoughts that I should avoid.

“Hello… aha aha! Can’t you hear me?”

I could hear my sister and best friend Abike speaking, through my headphones.
I replied

“Abike, why are you shouting?”

She hissed and said

“It’s your people in your family that are shouting”

We both laughed as I said

“I keep telling you I’m adopted. All of them in your family are not okay.
We are almost there sha”

She replied and said

“Okay. Jide just walked in with the kids sef.”

I smiled.
I was getting to see my babies.
My sister had two adorable little girls and I love them like they are mine.
They just bring me so much joy.

“I think we should be there in 10 minutes, I’ll call you when we are outside”

….

As I stepped out of the car, Wonuola (6) and Wuraola (4) both rushed towards my outstretched arms.
I gave them big hugs as their smiles lit up my world.
They just seemed so full of love and I needed that.
After long weeks and life draining all of what I had left, I would often stop by and just spend time with two people that saw me as a superhero.

Sitting in the living room, they ran rings around Jide and Abike. I loved every minute of it.
The two hours I spent with them made up for everything I had lost all week.
As I left, I gave Abike a hug and she handed me my gele (African Head Tie) and said

“Next week o!
I’ll come to the Island and we can go”

She was referring to a family friends birthday part that I was going to need the head tie for.
I hooped in the back of the car and my driver backed out of their house.

As we made our way to my next meeting, my mind raced.
Spending time with my nieces always reminded me of my own reality.
I am extremely happy for my sister in motherhood and watching my nieces fills me with so much joy.
But I always leave asking when will it be my turn.
I wanted to be a mother. I want to be a mother.
I’ve been married for 9 years and been waiting on God to bless my home with children.

 

I run my marriage counseling outfit and my husband is an engineer with one of the top firms in the country.
Money is not the problem but a 5 bedroom house feels empty very quickly when there is no one running through the halls.
I just celebrated my 36th birthday and I was subtly reminded that I didn’t have any children as people had to find sitters or some canceled because of children related obligations.
It’s a difficult reality.

 

I was very absent from the meeting.
Physically present but my mind was elsewhere. The meeting was just to finalize the budget for my company and get my signature.
30minutes later, I was walking out of the conference room and heading into my office.
My assistant closely followed me behind, she said

“Ma, we need to reschedule the Odufalu’s appointment”

I looked at her and said

“Schedule it and put it on my calendar. Okay?”

She nodded as I picked up some documents and headed out of the office.
Back into the car I went and on to the next stop.

…..

I snatched my purse and rushed out of the car. I was trying to be really quiet as I snuck into the waiting room.
My husband Tobias was sitting on his phone.
I sat next to him placing my purse on my lap as I said

“Sorry I’m late”

He was on a phone call but he smiled and leaned in to give me a kiss.
He ended the call a few seconds later and turned to me
He said

“How are they?”

I beamed and replied

“Beautiful as always”

as I pulled out my phone to show him a video I had taken of my nieces from earlier in the day.
We laughed together and then we got called in for our appointment.

Couples therapy.
As a therapist, I fought the idea for the longest time. I felt like it was a personal smear on my part and a sign of failure.
My husband is a good man.
The thoughtful kind.
The “I intentionally do just because shit for you” kind. A protector and a great listener.
But 9 years of childlessness can begin to take its toll. The pressures from both of our families began to weigh on us.
I went from being really vivacious and expressive to being reclusive.
He became the opposite, needing to step up and show up for me in the face of our families.
There was still a lot of love between us.
But something was missing.

 

“I just don’t always know how to talk to her anymore.
Like it feels like we recycle the same subjects that frustrate us. We want a child. But we can make one out of salt, can we?…

…I know she feels responsible and holds a lot of that on herself but I just wish she would know that I love her deeply and nothing can take that away.”

He finished as he looked over my way and the therapist turned to me to respond.
I sighed and rubbed my thighs before saying

“Yes, I do feel responsible.
I have sleepless nights and I see he is withdrawn and it scares me.
I know he loves me but we all have needs. I know he is about to be 40 and pictured being a dad years ago.
I daily feel a sense of guilt and I worry that one day, I might not be enough for him anymore.”

The therapist said

“Tobias, what do you have to say about how she feels?”

He turned to me and held my hand,

“Babe, you are one of the best things to ever happen to me.
I thank God for allowing you to say yes to me every day. I really really love you.
And I don’t want you t forget that. I know our communication has not been great lately but I guess that is why we are doing this together.
I can promise you that I will never leave you for any other woman and I will do my best to make sure our communication is much better”

I smiled and I could feel the honesty in his voice.
It was only our third session but I felt good about it as we walked out.
He pulled me in close and gave me a really big kiss.
I felt it in my spine. As I pulled away, I said

“You are lucky I am heading to the airport, otherwise, we would have for sure made a baby tonight”

He laughed and smacked my bum as I walked to my car.

“I love you”

I shouted across the way as I entered the car.
He turned and said

“I love you too…. Let me know when you get to Ghana”

……

One of my old clients, owned a school in Accra and she invited me to hold a talk for the girls at her school.
The talk was about women empowerment and being able to chase their dreams.

So that Saturday morning, we had a breakfast breakout sessions with the girls.
It was engaging and inspiring.
I felt like I was learning so much from these beautiful young women.
They spoke about their goals and dreams in a way that I hoped my nieces would, some day.

Some spoke about family pressures, the lack of representation in the fields they wanted to explore.
But I felt like I offered my story as an example of powering through and finding your voice.

I was feeling very good and while I was scheduled to stay in Accra till Monday morning, I was missing Tobias.
So on Sunday morning, I headed to the airport and luckily enough, I was able to get on a flight.
As I landed, I headed straight for the church. I was hoping to surprise my husband by joining him at church.
The second service was wrapping up when I got there but he was nowhere in sight.
I called his phone and no answer. I figured he was probably at home watching football and decided not to go to church because I wasn’t there to bother him into going.

 

As the Uber pulled into the driveway, his car was not there.
Mine was parked under the outdoor garage canopy, so I thought he must have headed out with his boys.
I opened the door and set down my suitcase at the foot of the stairway. I placed my purse next to it and kicked off my shoes.
Turning right, I headed into the kitchen when I poured myself a glass of wine. I could hear noises from our bedroom.
It was the television.
I remember chuckling and just thinking that this man was here ignoring my calls and watching football.

Hitting the landing upstairs, I heard my husband say

“Babe”

And I responded while opening the door

“Yes my King”

His eyes grew big and he said

“Shit!”

as he scrambled to get covered.
I asked

“Whats wrong babe?”

He couldn’t speak but he didn’t need to.
Seconds later, a butt-ass naked young man walked into the room with his semi hard penis dangling.
I felt my heart hit the bottom of my stomach.
My husband of 9 years with a naked man in my matrimonial bed.
WhatTheHeckMan!

Against Counsel by The Wordsmith @adewus4real

Thanks for the love and support.
Stay up

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#SanmiSaturdays
© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan