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Amnesia

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Amnesia

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                              @adewus4real #WhatTheHeckMan

“There!”

I said as I placed my hands on my head and scanned the newly decorated living room of my new place. It had finally come together. I slumped into a sitting position in the corner of the room. Looking out of the window as the sun rays squeezed into the room through the blinds.  This had been a process. Not just the setting up of the place but the gathering of my life together again.

I looked at my keys sitting on the coffee table in the middle of the room. I got up and reached for them. Out the door I went as I trudged to the mailbox. Opening it, I gathered all the mail for the week and headed back. Mortgage payments, credit cards and even a wedding hall deposit payment. These were my regulars. I was paying for a wedding and I wasn’t even…. Never mind.

 

For the past 3 months, I had been living with my cousin; Juliet. I moved out of my home during one of the craziest periods of my life. I opened mail after mail, setting and marking the corresponding bill to a due date on the calendar next to my door cabinet. I sat down on the couch, laptop to my right and some urgent bills in hand. I turned on the sound system; Pandora was playing my “Smooth Jazz” channel. I opened up my laptop and placed it on my lap. It was a $382 bill for the hall.  This was my eighth bill; one every month for the past eight. I glanced at my fingers. No wedding ring. A slow heat of rage was building within me, I was getting angry. Why was I paying for a hall and I wasn’t getting married? Well it’s a long story.

I picked up my keys and headed out the door, I needed some air. My angry fumes were threatening to burn my place down.

.   .   .   .    .

 Lindsey and I met when I was a freshman in college. She was one too. She went to a prestigious university and I was at a community college nearby after transferring over from Nigeria. I was still trying to settle down and find my way when I was introduced to her through a friend of a friend. I thought she was stuck up for whatever reason. I think it was because she was really beautiful, smart and I was somewhat intimidated by her. She grew up here and I was this fresh of the boat African lad, who was mostly mute with the fear of embarrassing myself if I ever opened my mouth. Even though she went to a different school and all, we always seemed to be around each other with our friends. Slowly, we got close. I remember knowing for months that I liked her and I wasn’t sure how to tell her. There were some awkward moments where I thought she would have known that I liked her.

One time, she walked in on my friend and I arguing about the women we hung out with and I was vehemently defending her. She pretended not to have heard anything. She would later tell me years after that the passion I showed in defending her was attractive and one of the reasons we ended up together.

After about 6 months, I began to notice a change in her attitude towards me. She was texting back; faster and initiating conversations. I was not sure what to feel but I really liked it. That summer, she came to my school to take summer classes since they were cheaper at mine than at her school. I think this was where it all built up into something. I would see her almost everyday and since I had no way of getting around, she was my chauffeur. She did everything with a smile. The way she carried herself was just a joy to watch and be around.

 

One afternoon, she picked me up and drove me to her apartment. The plan was to rent a movie and watch a film while we ate. For whatever reason, we were both tired by the time we reached her apartment. She jumped into the bed and asked to take a nap and that we could watch the movie when she wakes up. I hopped in the bed next to her and just laid there. I can’t remember exactly what we were talking about but I know she said something amusing. To my recollection it was some sort of funny slight at me. I began tickling her from behind. She was on the bed facing the wall whilst I had my back to the door. Tickling her she laughed and asked me to stop but I didn’t. Tickling led to gently biting her back and behind her neck, laughing turned to moaning and then I turned her over and got on top of her. I planted a kiss on her lips and we kissed. It was wet and passionate. I had wanted that for so long and for it to finally happen was just pleasing and scary at the same time. Not breaking the kiss, I began to run my hands all over her and then all of a sudden, she jumped up and said,

 

“I have to leave, I have to leave now. I can’t do this!” and then she ran off.

 

I was confused and extremely turned on. I remember telling myself, I don’t care what the outcome was because at least she now knew I had feelings for her. It was the most awkward drive home. I could not wait to get into my house and under my sheets. I was so embarrassed. She had said nothing about the “incident” and I was more worried about her never talking to me again. She dropped me off and did not call for 3 days. In that time I had wanted to die. I thought my whole world had collapsed around me. This woman had my heart and she didn’t even know it yet.

She would finally call me and start by going off on me. And then she slipped this line in there;

“Why didn’t you just tell me?”

 I was shocked and kind of happy. I told her I wasn’t sure if she’d felt the same way hence my holding back. She just teased me and then we joked about it. Over the next few weeks, we made our relationship official.

I always wanted to be with her and around her. It was new love, real love. I remember the night we first had sex. It was at her parent’s house. One of the popular ladies in town had thrown a massive/an elaborate party. The whole community was there so her parent’s home was empty. We snuck out of the party and headed to her there. Nervous, we got into the room and she asked me to lie on the bed on my back. I did and then she handcuffed me to both bedposts and told me not to move. She then went further and blindfolded me. I was terrified. To make matters worse, she’d left a blindfolded and naked me on the bed while she was in the other room, doing something I cannot remember. My mind was wandering.

“What if someone came in? What if this was all a trap and her friends were about to walk in and beat me up?”

All sorts of crazy things flew through my head and then she came back. Sade’s “No Ordinary Love” was now playing in the background as she climbed on the bed. Kissing me down my chest towards my excited package, I was trying to hold it together. Good first impressions during sex are extremely important. I was still blindfolded when I felt something super cold all over my stomach! I was startled and then I realized that it was whipped cream. She was licking it off me as she made her way down to my now hard six-inch member. I was nervous as she took it into her mouth. She sucked like she was new to it too. I couldn’t wait to be out of there. I was beyond myself and out of my skin.

She stopped. I heard her tear open a wrapper and then I felt the cold rubber feeling on top of my package as she slid the condom into position. Asking me to take the blindfold off after removing the cuffs, it was clear to me how beautiful she was. Naked, her dark chocolate skin glowed as her bright smile lit up the room. All of a sudden I was calmer and happy. I was slightly shaking  as I slid into her. It was tight; very tight! It was her first time and I had to be gentle. With slow movements, we warmed up. I remember being so worried about giving her a good time, I forgot to ensure that I didn’t ruin the entire party, which is exactly what I did. The actual intercourse between us lasted about 3 minutes and it was over. Those three minutes though would be the stamp to the beginning of the rest of our lives.

 

I looked up and realized that I had walked almost a mile away from my house to the waterfront. I pushed an empty shopping cart out of my way and I took a seat on a bench by the waterside and drifted back into my thoughts. Memories were dictating me, back into my mind they carried me…

.   .   .   .   .

It was 4 months after I graduated from college that we broke up; Lindsey and I. For whatever reason, it seemed like we had run our course. Things were not the same. Arguments were more frequent and lasted longer. We seemed to love each other but could not be bothered to care holistically about the other anymore and so she eventually broke it off. There was a 3 month period that we did not talk for. One night I hit her up, missing her obviously. I wanted her back in my life. I was not exactly sure why but I knew for a fact that I needed her. She would return and it was date after date, reconnecting our lives and then one night about three and a half weeks into us talking again, she dropped the bombshell.  She was pregnant and she was 75% sure it wasn’t mine.

 

I had been mad, angry, heartbroken and sad. She was supposed to have my babies and not someone else’s. “How could she do this?” I asked myself many times. She broke up with me and then chose to sleep with someone else. I wanted to hate her for it but I couldn’t because I truly loved her.

So I absolutely cut her off. The way I worked back then, if something made me uncomfortable in the slightest way, I removed it from my life and that what I did with her. I just couldn’t believe it. She wanted to get back with me too and that why she sent her best friend to come and talk to me. I really hated that conversation because it tested my resolve and I did not want her friends to see that I still loved her. But I did. I really did.

I think what made it even more difficult for me to swallow was the fact that I knew who the father of the child was.  It was someone that was supposed to be a friend of mine. I once heard somewhere that these “heauxs ain’t loyal” but these fellas are just as bad; maybe even worse.

There are some decisions that should be made solely with your heart or head. I wasn’t sure which part came up with the genius plan but I asked her to move in with me. I rented a two-bedroom apartment and paid for a full year’s worth of rent. It was going to be our home. We were going to raise our kid with love. I was willing to father that child like it was mine because their mother meant the world to me. I was sure we would be amazing parents, as we already loved each other.

 

I remember the night we moved in. The whole week leading up to that day, she had stopped me from having any physical contact with her. It was about 6pm and we were both tired from moving things into our new place. She was wearing her blue short shorts that I liked; the one with her booty hanging out of it. I just wanted her… all of her! I crept into the room as she lay on the bed. Her face was settled into a pillow as she complained about being really tired. I started kissing her calves up to the back of her thighs. She didn’t move but I could hear her muffle words asking me what I was doing. I continued and pulled her shorts down. Still no movement and then I placed my index finger on her clitoris while I moved my head to the back of her neck and gently began kissing her. My finger worked in a side-to-side motion as I continued to kiss her. I turned her over and locked lips with hers. My finger still working, our lips moved in sync as we communicated our feelings without words. Lowering my body, my tongue replaced my finger, which moved to her mouth. She sucked on my finger as my tongue continued to demonstrate precision covering every inch of her lower lips. The flood being parted by my tongue as it searched for answers that only her mouth could give. I continued to nibble on her clit as she moaned my name. I felt like I was filled up when I moved up and slid my member into her. It was slow, passionate love making. The room was candle lit because we hadn’t replaced the bulbs in that room. The sensation was different. I could feel our bodies connecting again. Pushing my dick further into her, she clutched my back and her nails dug deep into me. The pain and pleasure was my fuel as I rammed harder and deeper into her to send a clear message. I was driving her crazy and she whispered in my ear,

“Let me ride it…”

That was not a request I could decline. I got up and laid on the floor. She slid it back inside her and took control. How fast, slow, deep was all her direction. And she was dripping. Up and down, she went. I felt like I was being fucked and she owned it… all of it! And to be very honest, she did. I could feel myself ready to cum. Her juices were flowing down to my shaft to my balls. I was moaning that I was about to cum and I didn’t want to. She responded…

“Cum and I’ll make you hard again and fuck you even harder!”

I kept my mouth shut and continued to enjoy all of her on me and then, right inside her I let it all loose. She clutched her stomach area and smiled saying,

“That was really warm…”

I was trying to catch my breath and then she took my entire dick into her mouth and began sucking. Now every guy can testify that this is one of the most sensitive moments during sex. I let her suck out the last few drops and she continued. I immediately had to push her off when I noticed she knew I was getting hard again.  We curled up naked on the floor. This was home.

.   .   .   .   .

I was out with some friends from work when Lindsey’s sister, who was staying with us, called me and told me to hurry to the hospital. Her water had broken. A few friends congratulated me as I ran out and hurried to the hospital. This was the night. I was beyond excited. I’m pretty sure I did not park my car properly in the parking lot as I got out and rushed into the hospital. A few minutes later I was outside the labour/delivery ward, restlessly pacing up and down the waiting room. I was about to be a father. My family was not happy about it for various reasons; the fact that it was not my child was the most prominent one. But I was about to be a father to a beautiful baby girl that I would love and cherish.  A few months ago when we found out it was girl, I bought her a little pink baby top, which said,

“Always daddy’s little girl”

I couldn’t wait to put it on her and take her to the park near our house or evening walks to the lakeside. I was going to be there for her always. All she needed to do was come to me.

Still pacing in the waiting room, I began praying for the safe delivery of my little girl. I was praying that God would bring both mother and child to me safely… I hated the wait!! After about an hour of anxiously walking back and forth, I was drenched in sweat and starting to get tired when then the doctor walked out. He still had the mouth mask on his face as he approached me. Pulling it off he said the only words that I’d been praying against…

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I could see his mouth moving but it was like I was in an empty room with white noise railing the walls. I was trying to make out what he was saying and the words finally made it through

“I’m sorry sir. We could only save one”

 

Look out for Part 2

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Follow me on Twitter @ADEWUS4REAL and look out for new updates and material

 

Till you read again. Ask the next guy/gal, #WhatTheHeckMan

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Undercover Player 4

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Undercover Player 4

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 @adewus4real #WhatTheHeckMan

My “true love” (Anna)

My long distance friend (Farah)

My crazy one (Jessica)

My actual woman (Sarah)

My weekend girl (Zoe)

 

I had spent a full 28 hours in cell. I was released after my mother spoke to the officers. It was dead silent on the car ride home. We both said nothing to each other. I spent the night at my parent’s home. No one said anything to me.

Very early the next morning, my parents woke me up and called me into their room. There I was attacked. My mother called me a let down and a disgrace to the family name and to her legacy. My father said he was disappointed beyond words. I was fuming inside as they both felt justified to attack me and then I snapped.

At the top of my lungs I began to yell. Spilling every single detail about how I was molested by my father’s stepsister living with us at the time and then years later my cousin. I was angry. I accused them of being failures as parents and for being too busy with the things of the world to focus on the emotional safety of their children. They were both stunned. My mother was in tears even before I was done. I stormed out of the room and into mine. Packed up my things and proceeded to leave. I was angry and I couldn’t concentrate.

When I reached my house, the first thing I went for was the bottle of alcohol. Two quick glasses and my nerves began to calm a bit. My mind was racing. I called Farah and she didn’t answer. She was on vacation to Portugal and Bangkok. I was so angry. I picked up my phone that I had just thrown on my bed and called Jessica. Even with the “Peaceful Order” issued by the court, I needed to talk to her. Face to face.

 

I was already drunk by the time she came over. Jack and I were halfway in our conversation. My breath wreaked alcohol and I was tipsy. We didn’t even talk when she walked in.

I have to admit; I think I was a bit aggressive. I pushed her up against the wall and spread her legs. Pinning her face and breasts on the wall, I slid my hand up her skirt from behind. Using my thumb, I shifted her panties out of the way and I began to massage her clit. The moans ensued. I pulled her freshly braided hair to the side and began planting kisses all down her neck. She didn’t try to move. There was something in the way my body was working hers; I was going to send a clear message. I started biting her neck as I went along and the moans got louder. My right hand was still working her clit; harder and faster now. I could feel her juices on my fingers as she got wetter and wetter. She was all mine! I got on my knees and kissed her ass cheeks before sticking my strong wet tongue into her. She let out this gasp and began scratching the wall as if she wanted to hold onto something. I could feel her get drenched as it flowed onto my tongue and my chin. I was now the one making most of the noise. The kind of slobbering sounds you hear when you’re hurriedly trying to finish a rapidly melting Popsicle. Every drop of her was going to be mine.

I was so angry. Still angry for all that she put me through. All I had asked of her was the respect she would have wanted any woman to give her if she was in her shoes. Since she didn’t want to play along, I was going to take out my aggression on her. I turned her around. Still on my knees, I looked up at her as I went in towards her clit again. This time I was nibbling. Her eyes rolled back, she let out the sigh of resignation knowing that all she was going to get was more pleasure and there was no chance that I was letting her go. She was stuck. Stuck on a high. My front two teeth enlisted my tongue as support as they owned her pink lips and it’s cohorts. She was now moaning louder and grabbing onto my head in attempt to push me off her. She almost snapped my neck off, so I stood up and walked over to my closest. I opened one of the drawers and pulled out the two sets of handcuffs. I had this evil smile on my face as I walked back to her. I moved her to my reading table. This was no movie shit. I didn’t clear the table. I sat her on it. Her bare ass cheeks on all my documents. I wanted her to spray all her juices on my papers. I wasn’t going to stop there though. I cuffed one around her left wrist and clicked it. She asked with a concerned but excited look; 

“Zane, what are you doing?”

I yelled, 

“Shut up!”

 I clicked the second arm and cuffed her to the book cabinet next to my reading desk.

Hands hanging mid air, her pussy stared me in the face and the look of excitement had turned to hesitation. She seemed fearful for what was about to happen. I was ready to give her all of it. I pulled my reading chair up and sat down. Digging in I lapped up every drop as it flowed out of her. Some of the obscene things she said, I had never heard before from anyone. I was covered in all of her as practically my entire face was soaking with her juices. I stood up and positioned my rock hard dick at the surface of her pink, ready to go! I teased her rubbing it on her lower lips without pressing in. She moaned as if to ask me to go in already. Eventually I did; slowly. She moaned and clenched her fists. That was the best she could do. I put up her legs on my shoulders as I began the stroking motion. In and out, I maintained eye contact watching her face change as I went from one level to the next. The pace picked up. I was thrusting harder, deeper and faster!

“Zane, slow down! You’re going to hurt me!!” she begged.

 I smiled and continued to pump. “Hurt” her was exactly what I wanted to do. I got angry that she tried to have me stop. I dropped her legs and leaned in, placing both hands around her neck. I pulled her in and looked at her. I knew I was about to explode but I wanted every thrust to count more than the last. I wanted her to feel every inch of me, every vein. Smearing all her juices on my hard member, I could not hold it any longer. 

“Tell me who owns it” I barked at her,

 “You, you… youuuu!” she moaned.

 “Yes!” I responded knowing fully well I only had a few thrusts left in me. I squeezed her neck. Slightly choking her as I pumped a few more times and then I pulled out… All over her stomach I squirted every drop. My aim was not the best as some of my seed spilled onto the table. I slumped into the chair. I could feel my sweaty back begin to stick to the leather seat. She was trying to catch her breath. Still cuffed, she struggled to keep her head up. I began touching the insides of her thighs. She immediately closed them up. It was super sensitive. I forced her legs apart and stuck my fingers into her. She begged me to stop. I pushed them in a bit and then pulled them up. We were both drenched in sweat. I got up and un-cuffed her hands. She didn’t even get off the table. She looked too tired. And then she asked…

 

“What The Heck Man? What was that for?”

 “Payback” I responded. “I spent a full day in holding because of your stupidity!”

 She looked at me saying, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking properly”

 “Jessica, this has to end. It has been fun but we both gotta want more” I continued.

 She stared at me then mumbled 

“I understand and I’m sorry again” as she closed the bathroom door.

I swear in a million years, I could not even expect that conversation to have gone that way. I was just thankful that this chapter was closed for good. At least that’s what I thought.

 

.   .   .   .   . 

Even though the case had been dropped after Jessica withdrew her statement at the station claiming that she’d “overreacted”, I still couldn’t focus. Something was missing in my life. I wasn’t able to concentrate on work or anything. I knew I needed to get away. I kept thinking of where I could go. All I needed was a change of scenery.

In all my thinking, I remembered that Anna had left me to basically rot in the cell. I wanted answers. The next day a flight was booked. I was going to talk to her face to face and find out what truly happened. I arrived in the heat at about 2pm. A thirty-minute cab ride and I was at her apartment. Still in graduate school, I know Anna did not have class at that time. I waited till a car went through the automated gates and walked into the apartment complex. I arrived at her door and knocked. I heard movement and then she looked through the peep-hole. With a look of confusion and surprise she opened the door. The look on her face said… you guessed right, “What The Heck Man.” I smiled and walked in. Pleasantries aside, I asked her about what had happened and why she acted that way when I called from the station. She didn’t answer at first then she went on to say,

“I didn’t want to continue the cycle. You wouldn’t be with me but you wanted everything from a relationship. No Zane. No.”

 

I understood her perfectly, I was selfish. I wanted all her support and love but I was not willing to get over my issues and trust her fully and just be with her. Sigh.

We talked for hours and then she made dinner. Brown rice, stew with smoked turkey and boiled plantains.  Anna and I had a connection, I knew she loved me and vice versa. She was just frustrated. She wanted to be there for me through everything but I had to understand how it looked to be with her for that long and not officially enter a relationship. It must have been difficult to comprehend. I just wanted her to know that I was trying to figure me out before I joined me with someone else again.

She was cuddled up next to me when the conversation drifted towards the Jacuzzi and I suggested that we hop into it. A few minutes later swimwear clad, we walked to the Jacuzzi area. It was off. We snooped around until she found the switch and turned it on. It got hot pretty fast. We stepped in and began to talk. She was sitting on my lap as we began to reminisce on memories and on how far we had come together. From memories of our struggle to sex stories, we covered it all. Intimately as we shared that Jacuzzi together, I could feel it get hotter. I wanted her and I knew what she wanted me too. She began stroking my hardening shaft. She turned around and looked at me. Without saying a word she pushed her panties aside and slid my package inside her. It was hot. My balls were feeling the heat bubbles of the water boiling underneath them as my dick held full strength position in her as she worked her waist on it. I was holding her waist and kissing her passionately. This woman had all of me. The way her body was in sync with mine. I ran my hand over her tattooed thigh and squeezed her tighter. It was slow. It was controlled. She did not leave that position or lose control. Up and down she worked me until I was ready to give it all to her. She dictated the pace. Now I wanted to cum but I definitely wasn’t going to do that in the water. I lifted her up and put her on all fours right beside the Jacuzzi. I returned my dick back into her dripping pussy as I held her waist. I controlled the motion making sure that my dick was hitting every corner of her pussy. Discovering new reaches, she grabbed the edge of the Jacuzzi while looking back at me with those wanting eyes pleading with me to go in a little deeper. My balls were slamming against her clit as the passion was soaring out the roof. I took a handful of her hair in my hand, pulling her towards me; each thrust seemed to be a statement as our bodies moved in sync. She was moaning uncontrollably as I neared my climax. We slumped next to each other as I spurted out every drop from inside me on the floor. Naked, we curled next to each other as we stared into the sky. I was beyond confused on what to now do.

I would leave two days later after amazing talks, reconnecting and amazing sex. We even shared a run around the lake down the street from her house. We rediscovered what it felt like to love each other. I was on a high even with the sadness that came with leaving her. I hugged her tightly until the airport staff asked her to move her car. Reluctantly, we let go and she promised to make the next trip down. I had just made it through security when I received a call from my dad. I answered,

“Hello daddy…”

“How are you, son?” he said,

“Fine sir…You?” I responded.

 “Not great. We haven’t seen your mother for 4 days and she hasn’t contacted anyone. Have you heard from her? We are all worried” he said anxiously. 

“Fuck” I cursed under my breath…

“No sir, I’ll call her and get back to you” I said as I ended the call. 

I was worried now. Confused. Had my confrontation driven her over the edge? What have I done? Fuck!

“The number you have dialed is unavailable. Please leave a message…”

This was probably the 12th time I had called and my mother was still not answering. Now I was beginning to panic. She had never done something like this before. She had been really distant since the day I got out of jail. I called Sarah and she didn’t answer either. I left her a message asking her to call me. I hopped into my car at the airport parking and continued to try calling her. Nothing.

I was about 15 minutes from home when I received a series of text messages from Sarah. They were screenshots of messages between her and Jessica. I was stunned. I pulled over to the side of the road. I was confused and angry. What had Jessica done? Why? I thought things had ended the best way possible. Wow…You can never trust these women. Never!

I was torn. Do I keep calling my mother or Sarah? I was trying Sarah; I needed to explain things to her. I needed to explain that I ended it all with Jessica so I could focus on trying to build something with her. Sarah!!!

It had been an hour and I was still sitting on the side of the road in my car when I got a Twitter notification. I had been tagged in a photo. Shortly, more notifications of photos flooded my phone. Jessica was posting pictures of our conversations on the Internet. My heart froze. I was scrolling through them all and then a call from Jessica came through.

“Jessica, what are you doing?!” I yelled at the top of my lungs.

She only said one phrase…

“I only just started with you!” 

I literally think I peed on myself. I immediately began thinking of super private things I had shared with her like naked pictures, recordings and more. Even though I had the same of her, in this game, the first to call one out usually has the upper hand and Jessica really didn’t care if her naked pictures showed up on the Internet. She was that type of crazy.

I was losing it. I couldn’t take it all. There was so much blood rushing to my head. I was going crazy and then I turned over to my passenger seat. My prescription pills sat there; Amoxicillin and 800mg of Ibuprofen, twenty-one pills each. I picked the bag and decided to end it all. End all the pain. I think I was just over it all. I’m not exactly sure what I was thinking to be honest.

I opened the door and sat outside the car. I looked at the pills in my left hand and my cell phone in my right. I called my mother one last time and said 

“I never meant to bring you pain. I’m sorry… I hope you someday forgive me.”

I left the same message for Sarah and I laid the phone down to my left side and popped the pills. Almost all of them at one go. I sat there for a few minutes looking at the trees and listening to the birds chirp and then it got really dark. I was headed to a familiar place. 

 

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.   .   .   .   .

Someone calling my name woke me.

“Zane, Zane honey. It’s mummy” 

I slowly opened my eyes and there was my mother, holding my right hand. She was speaking to me slowly but I couldn’t exactly make out what she was saying. The doctors walked in a few minutes later and explained to a more awaken me that I had attempted to overdose and commit suicide. I put my head down as I was filled with regret for that decision. My mother was rubbing my hand saying it was okay, continuously thanking God for sparing my life and for the person that had spotted me lying on the side of the road. I was somewhat grateful for being alive. The doctor told me that my heart had stopped for a while and it was a miracle that I was still alive. My mother put her hands up and thanked God again. I was weak.

The doctor had left and that’s when I realized that my left hand was cuffed to the bed. I asked my mother why and how long I’d been there for. She said it had something to do with a psychiatric emergency hold for 72hrs. Apparently I’d already been there a day and half! She mentioned that I could possibly leave after a psychiatrist evaluated me. She began talking to me about how she loved me and was sorry she had not there for me. 

Sarah, Anna, Jessica, Farah and Zoe all did not seem to matter. My mother, with the strongest form of love in the planet was there for me. And I could not be more grateful. I glanced back into the room from my long gaze out into the sunny hills and looked the psychiatrist in the face.

“That was how it all happened…” I said

I looked up at the clock and then back at the psychiatrist. My time in this session was almost up. I had one every week for the past six months.

He continued jotting down in his notepad. This was my fourth evaluation in the past 3 months at this psych hospital. That meeting with my mother was 6 months ago. They have not let me out ever since. Apparently, I have not been fit to go back into the society as I have been ruled a danger to myself. If you’re reading this, I’m obviously still in here and hoping you find this story interesting enough to publish. I am so alone in here and I have not had a single visit from anyone who once claimed to love me. Abilify and Prozac are my prescribed meds for my depression. I think the cure lies in the hands of the women I gave my heart to but here I am, all alone. Dressed in all white but completely dark on the inside.  

Sigh…

My name is Zane and I really think I lost this game.

 

                                                                                                                      The End.

              #UndercoverPlayer4

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Undercover Player 3

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                         @adewus4real #WhatTheHeckMan

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My “true love” (Anna)

My long distance friend (Fara)

My crazy one (Jessica)

My actual woman (Sarah)

 

It had been 3 days since I had spoken to anyone. Sarah, Jessica, Anna or even Farah. I had drifted into this dark place that I was becoming a regular guest in. The blinds were closed. There were 8 Smirnoff bottles by my bedside, empty. I was listening to Nina Simone’s “Do I Move You” one of my favorite tracks of all time and I felt that I was tipsy. Staring up at the wall clock, it was 18 minutes past ten and I lay in bed edging closer to bum status.

I had managed to push all the women in my life away because I realized that I was very depressed. I told Sarah I did not want a relationship, Anna I snapped at for whatever reason, and then there’s Jessica. Well Jessica is Jessica so no need for a story there but it was what happened with Farah that has me upset. Farah and I got into it because I told her that I could not trust her. I think by now many of you would have realized that I have some trust issues and maybe underlying image issues. Sometimes I just couldn’t understand why some of these women wanted to be with me. I was never confident in my abilities and my looks. Don’t get me wrong, I obviously do well with the ladies but I never attributed it to myself especially if she was a woman that a lot of men wanted. Once I notice she’s interested in me, I begin to panic and expect the worst. “Maybe she’ll find better” or realize that I’m not that great, so the fear cripples anything positive that I would sincerely like to happen.

Farah and I were talking a few nights ago when she mentioned some other guy being interested in her. I watched how she was flirted with and how she normally flirted back. I just never truly trusted her but she always told me it was nothing. You can’t trust these women, anyone for that matter. I guess I was still insecure within myself with all the things that I had gone through previously in my life. I was not sure why (with all the options she had) she picked me. Farah understood it though. She knew why I did what I did. It wasn’t right and she never failed to put me in check, but she knew what depression looked like. It was something I hoped Sarah or Anna would notice and help me with but they just didn’t. Farah was ambitious. She was the ideal woman; perfect body I always wanted to do things to and the brains to match and she seemed to truly care about me. What more could one ask for? But every time I remembered all these things, I would be redirected in my head to the distance between us. She was so near to my heart but so far away. I would never be faithful in a long distance relationship, I know myself. I tried a long distance relationship once and I was cheated on and then coupled with my trust issues? There was no way, I had to have the person close by. Judge me but it’s the truth.

Farah and I were talking and I was becoming a little more pissed off. I had been highly irritable lately and usually that meant that my depression was getting the best of me. I had been thinking too much. I had been thinking of a time when I was almost invisible. Women barely noticed me. I was friends with many but none wanted to be with me. Then I thought of now. Now it is nonstop attention, and I can’t seem to commit to the one I truly love, for the fear of being unfaithful. Farah said something and I snapped, I can’t remember what I said but I said it and that was it. The called ended shortly after and I hadn’t talked to her since.

I looked up at the clock again. It was now 10:32pm. I picked up my phone and texted Farah.

“I’m sorry”

I waited for her response eagerly, repeatedly staring at the phone, waiting for the little blue light to start blinking.

Nothing.

I opened up another bottle and stole a gulp and then it went off. She texted back.

“I know you’re in a dark place. I’m here when you’re ready to talk”

My heart warmed. How could someone be so perfect? I texted her back.

“We need to meet up soon. Let me know. I’ll take time off work”

 

.  .   .   .   .

I had been a better mood now for a couple of days. Sarah was talking to me again after some serious begging (she’s not like Farah, she’s super stubborn). We agreed that we needed a getaway- time to focus on us and if we really wanted to do this. We planned to leave that weekend to Paso Robles; a little wine country city a few hours away. I was excited and nervous at the same time.

That Friday I had worked the whole day and ended up getting stuck in traffic, after being asked by my boss to do something at the very last minute. I just wanted to get to Sarah already. We had a 3-hour drive ahead of us and it was already 8pm. She tried all her best to remain patient but I could tell she was becoming agitated. Imagine having plans for a specific time but the other person was late; it can very easily upset someone. When I got to her, she was already at her limit. I swiftly apologized and we got on the road. About midway through the trip, I mentioned something about the sex. I can’t remember how the conversation started but I remember saying to her-

“I want to do legal but ungodly things to you.”

She smiled, looked at me and in the most nonchalant way, she said

“I think my period might be coming soon.”

I turned and looked at her, assuming she was just fucking with me I asked

“How soon is soon?”

She replied

“It was supposed to start today”

I kept my head straight on the road but I was fuming.

“What the actual fuck?” I thought to myself. Was she trying to say she did not know her period would be coming soon when she allowed me to spend all this money to book the trip? I know many of you are thinking that the trip was meant to be for us to reconnect, and it was, but who the hell said sex was not involved in the reconnection? I was angry.

In her usual manner, she first touched my arm and then went into using her baby voice and talked me into forgiving her. She made sure to highlight the fact that it hadn’t started yet, so we could make the most of it at least before it starts. I smiled in attempt to hide my anger.

We arrived at the hotel about an hour later. She had passed out in the car. I took all the bags in, after checking us in, then woke her up. She was too tired and yes! You guessed right, I got no play that night.

The next day I woke up to breakfast in bed, her attempt to bribe me. It was a nice gesture. She sat in front of me with no clothes on feeding me blueberry pancakes with sausages and it was a beautiful sight to behold. We got dressed after, and headed out to the Vineyard for wine tasting. I really could not focus on anything else; I just wanted her, all of her, on me. We had a lady pouring each glass of wine for us as we tried different wines. Together we laughed and joked as we spent time together. In the back of my mind, I just wanted her in a closed space, to just take control of her. So I devised a plan to get her so turned on that she would not be able to resist me. I left her for a moment, and went to the bathroom to text her-

“Let me come in there and violate you.
Laying you on top of that wine counter on your chest, I want to begin kissing you from the left side of your face while I slowly start to come to your lips as you feel my hot breath on your cheeks and my soft lips now working towards your neck. I want to take your bra off and continue kissing your back all the way down. My right finger on your clit, massaging it from left to right, up and down. I’ll lift you up onto all your 4s. Spreading those round cheeks with my hands, I’ll stick my tongue deep into your pink… My tongue searching for answers in the depths of your pussy. My nose, lips, chin and cheeks are now covered in the inviting flooding from inside. You’re scratching the desks and moaning into the wood while my fingers dig into your butt and my tongue ploughs your pussy…”

A few minutes later, I walked back into the room like absolutely nothing had happened. She had just finished reading my text. Her face was flushed red. Her knees wobbled and she just glared at me. It was like her eyes said “What the Heck MAN????” I smiled, licked my lips and winked at her. She looked like she wanted to punch me. We finished tasting our last glass of wine and then we turned to leave. She pulled me close and said

“I’m fucking soaked”

I smiled. Step one was complete.

We sat on the outer deck of the vineyard with other people around. She said she was turned on and wanted sex now. She went on to say

“I’m so turned on, I could ride you right here. Right now. “

I looked at her squarely, smiled and said

“I dare you”

I held my glass in my hand. Her blue bag and the bottles of wine sat on the footrest, she looked at me with this evil grin on her face. I dared her to do it; she chuckled and stared at me. She began to unzip my pants, maintaining fierce eye contact. I asked her what she was doing, but she did not say a word. She put her hand down my pants and cupped my rapidly hardening member in her hand and began to roll my balls between her fingers. She leaned in and whispered in my ear “you dared me right? I’ll suck your dick right here in the open” and then she sat back. Instantly, I was rock hard. I knew she could and was capable of doing it. Fearless she was. She leaned down took the first inch showing out of my pants into her mouth. It was broad daylight with about twenty people around us! I was stunned. She began working her tongue around the head of my shaft while I looked on in disbelief and concern, trying to make sure nobody could see us.

She lifted her head and asked me to meet her in the bathroom. I waited about 3-mins after she went into the bathroom and then I followed. I walked into the men’s bathroom and waited. She did not come. I realized that we had not decided what bathroom to meet in, male or female. We had done it in the ladies bathroom before a few months back. I figured it was my turn to have it on my playing field. A captain like myself should not be playing away all the time. A few minutes later she walked into the men’s bathroom and with her loud voice, she said “are you in here?” practically disregarding the fact that there could have been any number of people in there. There were only two stalls and I was in the further one from the door. I responded and she walked in. She glared at me as if to ask why I did not show up in the ladies bathroom. I pushed her up against the wall and put my hand under her blouse and cupped her breast in my hand kissing her passionately. The words floated out of the corner of her mouth into thin air. I began kissing down her neck. She wrapped her right foot around my left leg. Her head knocked back, as I kissed my way down her neck bone with her inviting perfume as my guide. I turned her around, head now facing the wall. I then moved her hair to the left side of her face and began kissing her neck again. I could sense that she was getting turned on and could no longer wait for me with the foreplay. She looked back at me and said “fuck me now”. I unzipped my pants and dropped my belt; my dick was already showing its head out of my briefs so I bent her over and slid it inside her. It was wet. Very wet. Holding her waist, I controlled the motions thrusting with finesse to avoid making any noises or her moaning too loud. She began to thrust back towards me and the noise was a bit more. I tried to stop her but I think the glasses of wine were hitting her. She was throwing it back to me with such determination. I continued to pump in and out, even when a man walked into the bathroom. He eased himself, washed his hands, listened closely as though he had heard some action out of the stall and then left. We continued. With his departure I pounded away and hoped nobody would come in while I was about to unload; oh how I hate my cum face and my grunts. Her pussy was so good. It was wet, slippery and owning my dick and then it happened, I began to get much closer to cumming. She looked at me and said “keep going”. I kept thrusting but gave her a look of disgust. I thought to myself, “this is not the 5 or 10k”. You don’t need to tell me to keep going like this is a marathon. And then it came, she said my trigger phrase “fuck me” and I knew I was going to cum, very soon. Quietly I grunted, as I jerked my shaft out and shot all my seed onto the floor. She looked at me and smiled. She had gotten what she wanted. She put her clothes on, kissed me on the cheek and walked out. I was turned on again but confused. That was amazing.

We headed back to the hotel to chill and get ready for dinner.  Relaxing while we lay in bed, we began to talk about why things had been the way they were. Sarah had hurt me before when she led me to believe something and then did something else. Broader story but I’ll save y’all the hurt too. We talked about my hesitancy to enter another relationship and the truth was I that I was still in a dark place; depressed most times and I felt that being in a relationship with that feeling would be selfish. Sarah was upset because she thought I was playing games and wanted boyfriend privileges from her without the title. But this wasn’t the case. I truly wanted a relationship and to be happy, but my fear of heartbreak crippled me before I even go into one. I remember sitting in bed with her and looking straight into her eyes and I said,

“I don’t know exactly how it will happen but I know that we are meant for each other and I pray God helps show that in the easiest way possible. I am truly scared of a life without you. You make me so happy. Continue to give me all your love and patience through these dark times, and I hope to come out of it as the best man I can be for you.”

She leaned and hugged me, and in all honesty, that was the safest I had felt in a woman’s arms. She held me and I truly felt like I was walking by a peaceful water levee back when I first realized what love was.

We both got ready and headed out to dinner. A quick photo-shoot in the hotel hallway and we were ready to go. I remember walking past the elevator on our way down to the parking lot and suggesting that we create memories in there; she didn’t buy it. Dinner was amazing. Oh my love for sushi! It was great food and even better company. On our way back to the hotel, we stopped by the local pharmacy to grab some snacks.

I was trailing her as we headed into the bedroom. We unlocked the door and began changing our clothes when the brilliant idea struck me; there was a balcony to the left of our room where we could go and smoke some of the Kush we came with. We changed and headed to the balcony. It was a non-smoking facility but we didn’t care. The balcony was a huge one. Our floor happened to have the only door that led to it. But all the rooms on that side of the hotel shared the balcony. We scanned for cameras and found none. It was time to blaze.

Moonlight lighting up the balcony we had discovered, it was cold but quiet. On a non-smoking facility, we sat in the cold and lit the swisher. A few puffs and the mood was right. We started talking as we puffed and passed. Sitting closely together, I began to run my left hand up the inner side of her thigh. She looked at me and smiled asking me what I was doing. I said nothing and kept my hand sliding to its destination. She began to move her body as my fingers neared the chocolate factory.  As I kissed on her neck and down her blouse, she kept on smoking. There was no need for her to stop.

Weed in her hand, pussy in my mouth. I was working and she was puffing. Clouds moved from right to left in the sky. She asked me why one big cloud covered the moon as my tongue moved uncontrollably from left to right. I was in there. The warmth on my face from her chocolate factory, to the chilling cold on my bare back. I put her legs on my shoulder and continued to work. All of a sudden the lights in one of the rooms went on. She twisted her neck to her right to look behind her and said

 “Zane! I think someone might see us”

I muttered

 “So?”

Now I don’t know about you men out there but unlike Kanye, you have to let your woman finish. I nibbled on her clit just a bit more. She placed her left hand on my head and worked it in motion over her pussy. I loved the way she called my name when her juices smeared my face. She dug her fingers deep into my neck as she came all over my tongue with me lapping up every drop.

We got up and stumbled into the room. She wanted to play a drinking game so she poured the liquor into the cups while I set the mood; I had other plans. I put on a porn video. The game was simple. We ask each other questions, and if you got the question wrong? A piece of clothing came off and you took a shot. She won the battle but I won the war. She couldn’t focus. She was tipsy and extremely turned on by the video playing next to her. She ultimately said

“Babe, I want you now”

 I was in business. I flung my shorts off my waist and carried her to the couch of the hotel suite. I gently placed her down. It was then I realized that I was tipsy also. Drunk sex?

She stared and squinted at my package as if it was her first time meeting him. I rubbed it on her lower lips. She was really wet.

I maintained full eye contact as I slid into her. It was hot. Not warm, HOT. Slowly, I worked my way in, covering all of me with her wetness. She gently moaned my name; as I began to pick up the pace, her voice got louder. She was really tipsy and was beginning to not care about how loud she was. In some way, I felt the hotel intentionally gave us a room at the end of the hallway. I was pushing deeper and deeper. With her legs on my shoulders, I raised her creampie closer to me as I made sure my member hit the deepest corners of her body. Her eyes were closed as she took every inch of me. I wanted to turn her over but she refused. She pushed me onto the couch and dropped on her knees. She slowly took the first few inches of my manhood into her mouth; I knew I was screwed, with her soft lips, wet on my dick. She slobbered all her spit all over it. I was so close to exploding in her mouth. Almost every man can relate when I say, I began coaching and inspiring myself to not let loose. She was that good. She worked her mouth over my shaft. She looked up at me, winked and I immediately felt a shiver down my spine. How was she doing that?

I quickly realized that this was another battle I was going to lose if no action was taken. I quickly got up and grabbed her. She complained that I was being selfish for not letting her make me cum. I asked her to get on all her fours. I slid back into her. It was perfect. Like drinking a cold soft drink in the summer after returning from catching buses all day in the sun. I repeat perfect. I could almost always control myself but somehow I felt like the weed and the alcohol were going to cause me to cum faster than I wanted to. I was stroking in and out of her and she began throwing it back to me too. I was for sure about to explode. I began to grunt and thrust harder. Clearest signs of my ejaculation and then she said

“Shoot inside me baby, I want to feel it all inside me”

“OH HELL TO THE FUCK NO!!!!”

I thought to myself. I remember what I had just been through with Jessica. I was not making that mistake again.

I responded

“NO”

She replied in between moans

“I’m on the pill”

I replied

“And I don’t give a fuck, still…”

I glanced over and saw my reflection in the mirror. Acknowledging my skill, I continued to work and I knew I was about to cum when I heard the ugly words come of my mouth.

“Ugh Ugh Ugh!!!”

It happened. All over her butt, I sprayed every drop.

Clutching my manhood in my hands, I was bent over like a man that had just been punched in the gut. We slumped in bed. A few minutes she was cleaned up and with that satisfied look on her face, she curled up next to me and said

 “Why do you look so tired?”

I glanced over and gave her the dirtiest look I have ever given and thought to myself “how did this happen?”

On our way home from our trip, while we stopped to buy gas’ Jessica called me and said

 “I’m in town we need to talk. Come to my hotel room tomorrow. I’ll text the deets” 

I actually thought to myself that this was perfect. I was going to roll up in there and tell her it was over and I wanted to begin working towards getting serious with someone else.

.   .   .   .   .

 The biggest mistake I would make was eventually lying to Sarah about where I was going to the next day. I had picked up some flowers and I was planning to surprise Sarah with them when Jessica called and asked that I come over immediately. So I headed there, not realizing that I had the flowers in my hand. Right before I walked into the room, Sarah called me and asked me where I was. I lied and said that I was at my friend’s house in a different city. Jessica was in her bathrobe, obviously her attempt to get my attention and potentially start something.

I began talking to her about how we both have been through a lot and needed to grow, apart. She looked at me with a look of confusion.

 “What?! So you mean the flowers aren’t mine? You’re not trying to fuck me anymore? Cos you got some new chick right?!”

 I knew Jessica, and I knew engaging her was just going to put me in more trouble.

I kept calm and explained to her that I just wanted to grow alone. She was not having it. She began to yell. At the top of her lungs she was shouting assault, rape and battery. I was stunned. I wanted to stop her but she just kept on yelling. I began begging her to stop but she was not listening. A few minutes later, I heard a knock on the door; it was the police.

I cracked the door open and attempted to explain to the officers what had happened. She started yelling from the back of the room.

“He hit me, he hit me”

The officer politely asked me to step outside the room and he cuffed me. I was in hand cuffs!!!! For what?!

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I sat there hoping they would see she was lying.  A few minutes later, the officer returned and said she claimed I pushed her. I had pushed her at one point when she charged at me but I did not hit her. Fuck!

The officer said he was going to have to take me downtown to get my statement and then go from there. I was stunned. How did this happen to me?

I looked at Jessica as they walked me away and she had a smile on her face. This woman was pure evil.

The entire ride to the station, all I could say in my head was

“What The Heck Man”

 We reached the station and the police booked me after taking my statement. I was told I could be released on bail and given a preliminary stay away order from Jessica.

I had my one phone call.

Who would I call? I could not call Sarah because I had lied about where I was earlier. So I reverted to calling the one person who was always there for me and was always ready to support me through everything.

I dialed Anna’s number and she answered, I told her the whole story and she responded.

 “I’m sorry, I’m not coming down there”

I was stunned and this overwhelming sense of loneliness came over me.

I put the phone down and I was taken back into the holding cell. How did I get here?

From trying to be a player, to this?

All these women in my life and I was going to spend the night in jail alone.

Well, I needed some covers to hide under tonight; this man in the corner was staring squarely at me like he wanted me.

I dropped my head and sighed. I seemed to always have a lot of women around me and here I was all alone. No one to call. Trust issues shackled me, my indecisiveness and the fear of getting hurt have led me further down into this dark place. Like when I started, here I am alone again. The jig was up, Zane.

Undercover Player?

Game Over?

                                                                                                   Watch Out for Undercover Player 4

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Till you read again. Ask the next guy/gal, #WhatTheHeckMan

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Undercover Player 2

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@adewus4real #WhatTheHeckMan

“Cast”

“True love” (Anna)

Long distance friend (Fara)

The crazy one (Jessica)

The weekend girl (Zoe)

My actual woman (Sarah)

“Hey Anna… How are you?” I heard Sarah say. I was still drying myself off in the bathroom and my eyes grew big. She’d answered the call?

“Oh, I’m good. And you?”  Anna responded.

“Is Zane home? I just wanted to ask him something really quickly” she continued.

“He’s just getting out the shower” Sarah said with a smile, “I’ll have him call you later.”

Called ended…

She turned towards me and said one word, ‘explain.’

I told her some calculated story of how Anna, now an investment banker, wanted some information about my bank because she was advising a client on investments or something like that. Sarah bought it but I could tell she was still irritated.

Sarah and Anna used to be acquaintances a while back. I was still dating Anna and around that time when a mutual friend introduced us to Sarah. They became social media and texting friends (the definition of friendships today) but when Anna and I broke up, one thing led to another and Sarah and I became involved. I don’t think Anna resents Sarah for getting involved with me, I just think she expected more from us but what is loyalty in this world today?

There seems to be an awkward tension between the two of them whenever they’re in the same area together, but they have always seemed to stay respectful and cordial towards each other.

Sarah and I finished planning our upcoming getaway, we needed one because I was carrying a lot of emotional baggage and Sarah just needed a break. Tickets bought! Time to step away from all the madness. It was going to be a busy but good week, or so I thought.

.   .   .   .   .

 

I was in bed on Skype with Anna on what I believe was a Tuesday evening.

“It’s going to be okay…You’ll always have me here” she said.

On face value, that sounds like the typical break up line but it was her giving me all her love as I cried my eyes out. She got me. She was the only one that I could show this side of me. Well one other person but she was thousands of miles away. She always gave me all her love, yet I broke up with her to go and “find myself.” Ladies, if a man ever says he wants to break up to find himself, tell him okay but you’ll be the one holding the flashlight trailing him as he journeys to find himself. For some men, that line is a classic cop out of whatever they have but I really wanted to find myself though… Instead I found Sarah.

Anna never left though. She had been with me through everything and I mean everything! I was not a man when I met her. I was a young boy trying to find his way. Anna was a year older than me but we got on perfectly. She knew me before the “come up.” Before the confidence, money and new-found attention from women. I was sitting there pouring out my heart to her.

Anna and I met when I was trying to come to terms with myself, and who I wanted to be in the near future. We became really close and she knew me inside out and it was only right that when I fell for someone, I fell for her.

My mother and I had been clashing; I carried a bit of resentment towards her. She was too busy doing the work of the church that she’d missed me growing up, leaving me in the care of someone that violated me for years. I remember the lady she had employed to take care of me; a much older lady at the time.  She would deprive me of food and threaten to not take me places unless I did sinful things with her. I was probably about 9 or 10 at the time. I sometimes think I should have known better. I should have spoken up or did something but I was scared. I have blamed myself many times for the things that happened to me during that three-year period but could I really have known better? Wasn’t it the job of my parents to protect me?

It was the love I had for Anna that repaired my relationship with my globe-trotting evangelic mother. Anna showed me what it felt like to be loved whole heartedly and I began to warm up to my mother but every so often, I would drift back into this dark place. The one I have been in for the past few months now. Anna is the definition of the love I want in life, I’ve seen it before and felt it. I let it go with good intentions but if I could, I would get her; my one true love back and let her love envelope me again because I sure can do with it these days.

Highlighting my new dilemma, Zoe (nursing student/weekend girl) just texted me.

“Sushi?”

I was hungry, tired and frankly just being lazy skyping with Anna. I considered saying no but instead I responded with;

“Sure”

I asked her to text me the address of wherever she wanted to grab dinner. I sluggishly got dressed and dragged myself into my car. I sat in there for a minute, the key in the ignition and almost talked myself out of going. I eventually did and showed up at dinner that night. I think we had a salad appetizer because I remember her asking the lady to take it back and remove the dressing they had put on it. The conversation was great as usual partly because she was such a brilliant woman. Her smile was a beauty and for some reason I just loved her handbag. She carried that pink thing with her all the time and I loved it.

We talked about everything! From us, to food, our careers and much more; with her I could have a conversation about anything. Many times in hindsight, I asked myself why Zoe and I never really became an item prior to that night and I think it was because of a certain vibe that I got from her. Her parents were well off. Hardworking folks and I always felt she gave off an entitled vibe, like she always got what she needed or wanted. I didn’t have that so I felt like I couldn’t be with her because she wasn’t humble. My view on that has since changed because I’ve gotten to know her better but back then, I think that was the reason we had minimal contact and that she was busy or vice versa.

Dinner got wrapped up and I was in a much better mood. I was enjoying her company and didn’t want to go home. I remember how I somehow talked my way into us going to the Marina. We parked our cars next to each other and began walking on the side of the water. It was an absolutely beautiful sight. The lights across the other side of the lake were lit and planes flew closely over our heads to the nearby airport while we walked alongside the water talking about everything and nothing. I was really into her and from what I’ve told you so far one would think that I was into every woman, but the truth was I loved a few and could not trust many of them. The hurtful things that I’d experienced as a young boy in the hands of that lady who repeatedly raped me for three years, and later my cousin down the road would also abuse my trust in the same way which made it impossible for me to trust women anymore.

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I only trusted one…Anna, and even with her I sometimes had my doubts. Zoe and I took seats on the docks; they were rocking back and forth as we sat down on them. Surrounded by water, in the dark with just enough lighting from the corner of the parking lot in a distance we held each other and talked away. Midway into our conversation, we noticed a raccoon walking on the rock and coming towards us. Zoe began to freak out. I remember telling her to calm down and sit still. We both sat still but it kept coming closer. I told her if it passed a certain point, we were both going to run off the docks and into safety as fast as we could. Luckily, it went away. We both took that as our cue from Mother Nature to leave and so we did. Hand in hand, we walked back to the parking lot and I got in her car. We sat there talking some more. It was one of those nights where you just didn’t want it to end.  Somehow we got to her reading my poetry pieces off my phone and I remember her asking me to create something on the spot. I leaned in and closely placed my mouth right next to her ear, asking her to close her eyes whilst I began reciting as softly as possible. Zoe loved when I read poetry directly into her ears. I wasn’t exactly sure why but she did. The heat built up between us as I continued;

“…Bring your body over here

 Lay it down

Like a burnt offering

I’ll enjoy you

Like I’ve been suffering

From your toes, to your neck

I’ll travel your body

Your moans as my compass

I’ll cover every ground

Kiss every corner

Drink all you have                            

I hate to waste it

Give me more baby

Take all of me inside you

Dig into my back

Whisper into my ears

Tell me how you want it

I won’t stop you

I’m here to pleasure you

But first I’ll devour you…”

 

Her breathing was shorter and faster as her heart paced. I was done talking but she was still breathing fast like she was expecting me to say more. I stopped talking and pulled her in close to me with my right hand. With my left hand, I moved her hair out of the way and began kissing her neck. She was moaning gently as I placed my lips on hers and began kissing her passionately. I had all my love to express. All my feelings in those kisses; her lips were soft and sweet. I tasted her strawberry lip-gloss as I devoured her lips and abruptly I pulled away. I leaned back in the passenger’s seat and motioned at her to come. She hesitated like she was not sure she wanted to do this or at least do it there but then she climbed over. She sat on my laps. Her legs were on either side of me while I continued kissing her. She was holding my head; my absolute favourite spot was behind my head. She was making me feel like ripping her clothes off her. Things were moving fast and it was getting hotter in the car.

My hands began working their way to push her panties aside. I thought to myself, she was not a ‘have sex in the car’ type of girl but this was a moment that wasn’t scripted and it felt just right. She stopped me in the middle of a kiss and looked at me as if trying to make sure we were on the same page, and then she leaned back in and kissed me. I knew it meant go. I kept kissing her as I pulled out my package from my pants. It was hard and ready to go great places. I slid her panties to the side in the process getting some of her wetness on my fingers. I moved the finger to my mouth and sucked all her juices off my fingers. The sight of it drove her wild. I proceeded to slide my manhood inside her… She gasped! Slowly, I began to work her body up and down on my member. She kept her eyes glued to me. The glass was completely fogged up. The pace gradually picked up and I began to drive all of me into her like I had told her I would. She was moaning and digging her hands into my back. I just wanted to give her everything I had. She kicked her head back and I pulled her hair just to keep her head in the same position. I thrust upwards searching her insides as her juices flowed down onto my package and subsequently my pants staining them. We kept at it for a short while and then she began riding me faster as she neared her threshold. Her moaning sounds were driving me closer to my climax but I did not want to explode yet; at least not now but she was ready. She was throwing her pussy back onto my member as she neared her climax and then it came… she came! A few seconds later I had to push her off as I spurted out all I had in me. I cleaned up as I looked over to her and we both smiled. It was hard to find the words to follow up; just smiles. It was 3am and too late for her to go home. We spent the night in that car. Don’t ask me how we slept but we did albeit uncomfortably but it was definitely a memorable night.

. . . . . .

I left that parking lot at the Marina and headed straight to work stopping by my gym to freshen up and change my shirt. I was having a great day. The type you have when you’ve had great morning sex. I was responding emails with “Splendid morning to you!” and I even let someone cut me off on the way to work without losing my temper. I swear it was great. And then…. Yes go ahead and say it. I received that call. It was from Jessica; crazy Jessica! Every bit of happiness I had seemed to have had disappeared by the end of the call.

She had a special way of sucking out all of my joy but her pussy had a way of giving me another type of satisfaction. I thought she was just calling to inform me that she was in town and wanted to have sex, but what she dropped on me was the most unexpected bit of news I’d heard since I was told Michael Jackson died. It was something serious and far from just being a booty call! Jessica told me she was in town and that she hadn’t gotten her period for a full week. Apparently from her calculations she might be pregnant and I was the last one she had sex with in the last 3 months. I knew that was a lie but I was in too much shock to argue. Yes, no one can be trusted.  She said she would come over to my house that evening to talk and she hung up.

I was in shock. What the hell just happened?

I had to leave work early. I headed home… confused, angry, scared and just worried.

Was I about to be a father? What would I tell my parents?

Was my mother, the head of a church going to be given a grandchild out of wedlock?

Was I really going to ruin my mother’s ministry because of some unstable girl?

I stopped by the nearby grocery and picked up a pregnancy test and headed home. I was uncomfortable pacing around my apartment. I needed to calm down. I poured myself a glass of Jack and sat anxiously, waiting for her to show up. I clutched the pregnancy test in my hand… I was nervous. That fateful night kept replaying in my head. I remember we were having sex and I was about to cum when she held me by my tie and told me to keep going and in her words, “shoot every drop inside me.” She told me that she was on the pill. Why did I believe her? I was so angry with myself. She had me clipped in when I let my seed loose into her. I was sure that the devil was trying to get me for all the evil things I had done. Of all the amazing women in my life, why was it this one that had to become pregnant?

I needed to calm down!!

That was when I thought to call Fara. Fara was the long distance girl. She was just perfect. Everything was perfect about her except for the fact that she lived thousands of miles away. She truly cared about me. The only person that came close to how she cared about me was Anna. I would spend countless hours late into the nights talking to her and even though she was hours ahead of me, she would stay up. I told her about Jessica. It was before I met Fara so she understood and actually felt for me. She did her best to calm me down with her gentle voice and adorable giggle. I remember it being just like when we first met. We had been at the airport, our flights delayed. She looked tired and couldn’t wait to get on the plane. I remember approaching her and starting up a conversation. The rest they say is history. She has worried about me beyond my comprehension and has always been there for me even when I acted like I didn’t need her. I needed her more than ever now.

Fara was able to convince me that everything would be alright, advising me to breathe and calm down which I did. She had completely taken my mind off the issue when I heard a knock on the door. I ended the call and let Jessica in. I handed the pregnancy test to her and pointed her to the bathroom. She looked at me with a smirk on her face and said, “No hug or kiss… All because of a small pregnancy?”

I glared at her with my glassy eyes as she walked into the bathroom. The pregnancy test included two tests and I asked her to take both. It seemed like forever. Heaven only knows how many times I had died in the 5 minutes it took her to come out. I just sat there and continued to worry. My dreams? My goals? I wanted to see the world, what would happen to them now?

Why was she taking forever? I paced around the room waiting for her. My glass of Jack Daniel’s was running low, I was too tense to pour the rest. After what seemed to be as long as the Cold War, she stepped out with the first stick and it was negative. She was not pregnant! I was slightly relieved but I asked her to take the second one just to be safe. She rolled her eyes, complained that I didn’t trust her and went back to take the other one.

Same result.

I was glad! I poured the emptied the rest of the bottle into my glass and began to down it. I was definitely going to be drunk now. And then it all turned, she looked at me and said “Sooo… since I’m not pregnant, can we have sex now?”

What?! With my emotions running high, I was so confused and turned on at the same time. It was an understatement to call this woman crazy. She was the definition of functionally mad. I asked her to leave. She turned and looked at me. In a controlled movement, she walked towards me and said;

“Zane, if you don’t fuck the shit out of me right now… You’ll wish I was pregnant so I could spare your life to take your child support!”

I was stunned. Tipsy but I was sure my eyes cleared up and my dick stood up. I was going to break her!

I grabbed her and pushed her up against the wall. I stood behind her leaning into her and asked her if she just threatened me. She said yes claiming she would do it again. My breath reeked of alcohol as I yelled at her. I pushed her tighter up against the wall and spread her legs apart. Ripping her underwear off, I got down on my knees and put my tongue into her now hot and wet pink. She was moaning like crazy and I loved it. I was like a hungry savage, the way I’d covered my face in her wetness. I spread her ass cheeks wider as I let my tongue search her insides with much focus. I threw her onto the bed and clumsily reached for the handcuffs. Behind her back, I cuffed both hands together. I slid my rock hard manhood inside her from the back. She let out a loud moan and tried to wiggle her way into a more comfortable position. I did not care… Even if it hurt her, she was going to feel this heat. I was thrusting in and out of her with such anger and determination to make her feel something. She was moaning and taunting me asking for more and I duly obliged. I leaned forward grabbing her hair and with a handful in my hand; I drove deeper and deeper inside her. Jessica began to yell that she was going to cum and that I should keep going but I knew I didn’t have it in me to last that much longer. I looked at my reflection in the mirror at the foot of the bed and encouraged myself to keep going. I kept going till she became completely silent and then she let out the loudest moan I had ever heard from a woman. I was partly in shock but I pulled out of her and spurted out all of my seed onto her butt right in front of me. I got up and staggered into the bathroom, leaving her sprawling in the bed with her hands still cuffed behind her back. I turned the faucet on and dabbed some water on my face. I looked up at the man in the mirror and whispered, “Who are you?”

I had begun this roller coaster ride to find myself but I had become this calculated hoe and quite frankly an Undercover Player because I knew what I was doing for the most part. I washed my eyes and head again this time looking closely into the mirror. I was never actually going to find myself if I kept letting mediocrity like Jessica find me. I returned to the room and said,

“You need to leave…NOW!”

Jessica rolled over and smiled. “Sure… right after you take these cuffs off me.” I took them off and she picked her things to leave. She got to the door and turned around saying;

“Call me?”

I hesitated before saying, “no…”

She smiled and cunningly said, “We’ll see about that”

I sighed and closed the door. This was definitely not going to be easy at all.

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