The room was pitch black.
The only light coming was from the cable box under the television sitting at the foot of my bed.
I could feel the sweat dripping from the crown of my head.
Through my hair and down my face.
My back was covered in the evidence of my labor as I worked.
I looked up to her.
Eyes closed, her lips pursed, she cursed,
There was a genuine effort on her part to contain her moans.
My tongue sailed and didn’t relent, working tirelessly from left to right with purpose.
“Right there! Ohhhhhhh….. Ahhhhh”
She slapped the sheets with her right hand and grabbed another handful of it.
Twisting and winding her waist as I worked, she couldn’t contain herself.
I pressed her hips down hard and nibbled on her clit and she moaned,
“Ooooooooh yeah! The FUCK!
Oh shit! Yesssss!”
I looked up to her and she looked down at me.
That look is priceless.
The look of acknowledgement. You know it.
Where you are thankful for the work being put in and he acknowledges the privilege to give you pleasure.
The chills went through my spine as she shook in my hold.
I had both my hands behind her knees and pinning them down towards her.
She had very little room to fight back or wiggle out of my grasp.
I continued to run my tongue, in long strokes, up and around her throbbing clit.
And then suddenly, I stopped.
I slowly let go of her legs and lifted myself up.
Drops of sweat falling as I towered over her.
She looked at my face and then my eyes to prepare for my next move.
I leaned forward towards her face.
She moved and placed both hands on my face as she began to kiss me passionately.
Her tongue playing sweeper as she tasted all her juices off my chin.
She ran her left hand down my cheek and through my soaked beard.
There was a way she sucked on my bottom lip.
So gentle but ever so purposeful.
It was as if she wanted my lips to know they belonged to her.
I broke free of the kiss as I wrestled my tongue from her.
I looked down at her and she smiled. I did not smile back.
Instead, I bent down till my head was next to her right ear and then I slowly whispered.
“Those juices were mine and I had to work for it.
Now I’m going to fuck you, the next time you are on your way to work, I will be all you think of”
And I began to straighten my body, I said,
“Hold your legs”
You could see the concern on her face. Like she had started something she wasn’t going to finish.
I stroked my hardened member with my right hand and then I used it to slap her clit a few times.
Then slowly, I slid into her wetness.
Her first words out.
Her eyes begged. They begged me to control the depth.
With each stroke, I threatened her walls.
A message I wanted to pass across. She was mine.
The effort in domination on that bed eventually would translate even in places where I was not with her.
I leaned forward as she struggled to hold her legs up.
Biting her shoulder, I stroked.
In and out, slowly and controlled, she moaned out loud.
I told her with concern.
Normally I was not one to care but she was loud enough to wake up my neighbors.
I wasn’t going to let up though.
She just needed to manage how much she could take.
I stared into her eyes with each stroke.
Her eyes flickered as if they were about to disappear into her head.
I leaned in and kissed her as my hard member continued to search her walls.
She moaned even after I stopped.
Her legs flat on the bed.
Gentle moans out of her mouth.
I grabbed her right leg and slowly turned her body. Arching her ass up, her left leg was straight and on the bed with her right leg crossed over it.
I leaned over her and slid back in.
The warmth again. Her lips parted as her walls squeezed my hard member.
The strokes were faster.
In and out, she moaned as her breasts bounced every time my waist connected with her butt.
The deeper I went, her left hand pushed around my belly to prevent me from going any further.
Then she said,
I looked at her as she turned and laid on her chest and slowly lifted up her body.
Her back perfectly arched, she rested on her elbows.
Her perfectly sculpted ass poked up towards me.
I squeezed them and spread her cheeks as I slowly slid back in.
She grabbed the sheets and moaned into the thread count.
I spread her legs wider with my knees and leaned forward.
The intensity increased as I thrust harder.
I smacked her ass a few times as it rippled back to me after each thrust.
She cursed at me and begged me to fuck her harder.
Who was I to deprive her?
I placed both hands firmly around her waist and banged into her.
I fucking hate you!”
She cursed as she moaned away.
The filth from her mouth on made me want her even more but it triggered my member to prepare for release.
I tried to slow down but she knew me well.
She had me pinned and she began to throw it back to me.
As I leaned to thrust, she bounced her ass on my dick.
I was losing it.
I kept hoping that she didn’t look back at me. Any man would tell you that in that position, a woman turning back while you fuck her from the back, is almost guaranteed to push you over the edge.
I clenched my cheeks and smacked her ass again to get her to stop but she worked harder.
So I grabbed her waist tighter and began to pound away really hard.
Each thrust harder than the last. I wanted her to feel me explode.
I could feel it coming, so I rammed harder.
She was looking back at me and suddenly dropped her head into the sheets. She couldnt take it anymore.
I thought I was in the clear and then she rose and said,
Come on! Fuck me harder”
I lost it.
I grunted as my seed spilled out of my member and into her warmth.
She slumped to my right and I slumped next to her, still panting for air.
She looked up at me and swung her left hand, hitting me.
Struggling to catch my breath, I said,
“What was that for?”
She smiled and said,
“That was fucking amazing”
I smiled, waited to get some more air in my lungs and then said,
She was knocked out.
Fast asleep. Mouth slightly opened, she snored ever so gently and I remembered why I loved her.
I quietly climbed out of the bed and walked around to her side. I lifted the covers and covered her up.
I kissed her on her forehead and headed to the bathroom.
I opened the door and hit the light switch to my right.
The light went on.
I woke up.
Dreams like that were my reality.
It had been 19 months since she walked out and called it quits. 5 months since I last set eyes on her and touched her skin.
I remember how it went like it was an hour ago.
The night she ended it.
I was sitting in the living room that evening after I returned from work.
Things had been rocky for a bit but at least inside my heart, I hadn’t given up.
I got up and headed into the kitchen and picked out the chicken breast that I had made the night before.
I opened up the microwave and threw it in there.
3 mins and the countdown began. I stood right in front of the microwave that sat next to the refrigerator.
I remember I was trying to decide between the pomegranate juice or the Naked juice sitting next to it.
I heard a sound that I thought was the door but as I was about to turn, I noticed the microwave had 3 seconds on the clock.
One of the things I hate the most in the world is the microwave beeping when the timer ran out.
I pressed the door and opened it.
I placed my plate on the kitchen counter and heard the door again.
It was a knock.
I wiped my palms on my shorts and opened the door.
“Oh hey Stephanie.
I didn’t get a call. Did you text me?”
I asked as she let herself in.
I didn’t text.”
She clarified as she stood by the couch and I went back into the kitchen to finish making my meal.
“I made chicken.
Are you hungry?”
She smiled and said,
“Ashton, can we talk”
I looked up with some concern on my face. I said,
I walked over to the living room and sat down in the seat across from her.
She placed both her hands on her laps and rubbed in her usual nervous systems.
I looked at her and said,
“Is everything okay?”
She looked down and without making eye contact, she said,
“Ashton, I don’t want to do this anymore”
I felt my arteries close up.
Like my chest hurt. It felt like someone just punched me in my stomach.
I swallowed hard and said,
“Steph, I know we’ve had our issues but has it really come to this?
Like I thought we talked about this a few months ago and decided to work things out”
She raised her head and said,
“Ashton, I am tired.
I just don’t want to do anything to do with this anymore. I’ve tried and I think we just need to go our separate ways.
I don’t want to lose you as a friend but this isn’t doing it for me anymore.
It has been a few months of working on this thing and it’s going nowhere. I’m done”
I wiped my face and said,
“Stephanie, you know I just finished my certification and I was starting my new job and moving in here.
I was under tremendous stress but I never stopped loving you.
Why are you doing this?
Do you think I don’t love you or something?”
She was sitting straight up now and said,
“Ash, I’m done.
I just need to get on with my life and I wish you all the best”
I couldn’t believe it.
I moved in my seat and said,
“Steph, is there someone else?
I promise to give you my all.
Everything I have is yours. I’ll do anything.
Just don’t leave now. Please don’t leave now.
I have been faithful and given my best for you and this relationship. That should at least count for something.
Please Stephanie, let us work this out.”
She stood up and said
“Ashton, I will always care about you but I’m done”
That was the last thing she said as she walked out.
I didn’t follow, I didn’t chase, I didn’t cry; I was numb.
It didn’t dawn on me for weeks that she was really gone but that night. I just sat there.
The relationship I had before the two years I spent with Stephanie was good.
I met Stephanie at a drug and alcohol counselling session.
She was an intern there at the time.
I had been ordered by the court to attend the class because I was arrested for being “drunk and disorderly”.
The night I was arrested was the night I had walked in on my fiance at the time sleeping with my neighbor.
Stephanie and I knew each other for a little over a year before we began dating. We dated for two years before she broke up with me.
I had no intentions of getting into a relationship when I met Stephanie.
I was actually angry at the world and at women in general but she came to me with a promise of better.
A better relationship built on an unbreakable friendship.
And so we dated, it was long late nights spending hours talking on the phone and simple dates where we just got lost in each other.
Stephanie helped me heal.
She slowly held my hand as she allowed me to appreciate love and hope again.
With her, I felt safe.
I could see myself growing too.
I was more patient, vulnerable and attentive too. I was always looking for creative ways to make her happy.
To put a smile on her face.
She made me so happy and I could never imagine being without her.
You see walking in on your fiancee cheating on you was hard but losing Stephanie as I did was harder.
It was harder because the first, I didn’t expect or see it coming but the second heartbreak, I facilitated. I allowed her to get close and I got burned again.
Hide original message
The first few months were hard.
I tried everything except showing up at her job.
I wanted her.
I remember talking to my father one night and saying to him,
“Pops, I feel like she’s the one. I have to get her back”
And I truly tried.
Today, I think one of the comforts I rely on, is the fact that I fought harder than any guy I know would have.
I was willing to change, compromise, forsake my old life for her.
But I was glad that I didn’t change myself because a bigger and better test was coming for me, and I had to be true to myself and ready.
Stephanie moved on and shortly after started dating our mutual friend.
It stung but I had to move on.
People won’t always treat you like you would treat them.
It is funny how I reference treatment and how people will treat you.
All I wanted was for her to apologize.
Maybe come back and say she made a mistake or something.
You see, Stephanie leaving changed me.
While I was with her, I was faithful but since she left, I have been from one reckless situation to another.
From one woman to the next, as they all flocked to me, I welcomed.
I hated myself daily but I continued to say that they were all suffering for the sins of Stephanie.
Almost everytime I had an interaction with a new woman, I would be reminded of how much I loved Stephanie.
How much I needed her.
I felt myself slipping.
The last time it was drugs but this time, it was sex.
I was sliding fast and had no brakes on.
I would sometimes call her but she never answered.
This one night, I was wide awake.
Just thinking about everything and I could sense that it would be another sleepless night.
I wanted to speak to someone but no one came to mind except Stephanie.
She was the only one I had known how to be safe with over the last three years.
I sat up in my bed and pondered about calling her for a few minutes.
Then I headed into the kitchen to pour me a glass of milk.
On my way there, I decided to give her a call.
It was a longshot but I had to try.
I reached for my phone as I walked barefoot on the hardwood floor of my apartment and dialed her number.
It rang and rang like it normally would but no answer.
I was used to this.
But how painful is it to love someone and then suddenly, your calls are sent straight to the blocked caller list.
I placed the phone on the counter and sat on the counter.
I looked outside the window and thought to myself.
“How did I become this guy?
I wanted to dial the number again but I stopped myself.
I needed to talk to her.
I had to.
There were actually a few people I needed to talk to about the situation.
But I was sure she wouldn’t answer.
It was hard because it had to be done face to face.
Some may not understand and think I should have just let her go but how do you tell someone that you’re HIV positive and they might possibly have it too?
Give me feedback. How did this make you feel?
Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated.
Part 2 is out on Saturday
© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan