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The Utility Man

The Utility Man

IMG_8412

When my heart was bleeding out of my chest 

You were there

At the end of every phone call

Responding to every text

You knew my hurt like you put it there

But you were like a masseuse 

Gently rubbing out my wear and tear

You held my hand while I shed every tear

Promised me that not every man was built to make you want to pull your hair

It’s amazing how over time

I got used to you being there

You were never truly mine 

And I know without you

I probably wouldn’t be here

…..

Another setback

You smiled and told me we just had to get back on track

I called her

I thought I need to 

But she made me feel like a fool

And you knew

You knew how it would play out

But you stayed true

In my corner like the cheerleaders do

You sang my name louder than I would ever do

Your words carried patience

Knowing you fostered peace

With you slowly I learned

That the mistakes I made did not have to define me

Because people like you still exist

There for me and my growth

But certainly not wanting anything from me

…..

I didn’t realize the progress you had made in me

Till I fell again

Hurt came knocking once more

But I saw it from miles away

You had taught me that I deserved more

Now I’m a blessing to others once again

The lessons I learned with you have given me reason to smile again

Because of you

I’m glad my life didn’t stay the same

Because you opened the door and encouraged my growth

As I shed my shame

I’m proud of who I am today because of you

You reminded me of the true greatness that lives in my name

Thank you

Broken faucets. Splintered tiles. Sparking sockets. Dead bulbs.

You know when you come out of your apartment, and you notice a “Request to Enter” letter from your apartment complex on your door?

Basically, asking for permission to go into the apartment while you’re not there and fix something?

That was the idea behind utility man. 

Recently, I’ve been thinking about this journey of growth that some of us embark on.

I think we can all testify to having certain people in our lives that contribute to either a healing process/growth process/facilitating change.

They are ever present folks who do the thankless.

They listen, they pray, they hold you, they help ensure that as you work towards redefinition of yourself, you do it right.

I’m not necessarily speaking about your best friends. They can sometimes be too emotional and gung-ho to do “whatever you need for you”

But there are the Utility Men/Women, they come in when you least expect it.

And chip away at the negatives. Show you how to love again, how to feel love, that you are special.

Friends that thrive off your chaos. Always in the background and only come to the fore when you need them.

Silently chipping way, they are like the 6th man on an NBA team. The uncelebrated but immensely important part of the rolling machine.

These are the ones that pray for and with you, fast for you, be patient with you.

And when they are done, and you’re back on your feet, they are the understanding ones that are okay with you “ignoring” them again.

One of the most important pieces about utility folk is that they are ready for every task.

They can hold you up in so many different ways or areas of your life. Financially, spiritually, emotionally, academically… they are present with a calming voice on every front.

It’s like they are the most skilled. The right words to say.

They almost always answer when you call them, even when they are fast asleep.

Anything to be there for you. And what do they seek in return?

Your genuine happiness.

Utility men are not expected to stay. Sometimes they do, but most times they are there for a purpose and then they are gone.

Don’t expect them to stay.

Not because they don’t love you but that’s not how they mostly cater to you.

And needing them beyond your process becomes a disservice to both of you.

Don’t start to crush on your utility man/woman or hope they could actually be the change you search for.

It can mess up the entire process.

Are there people that rely on you?

Bank on you being solid for them?

You have to stay present for them. Be alert to their struggles.

Sometimes, they will not put in a “work order” for you to come in and fix something but you can tell something is broken.

Stand up and show up.

It is people that have great utility teams that are usually more confident about coming out of difficult situations because they know that they have someone behind them who is solid.

I thank God for my life and those that have been present with me as I have navigated these waters and continue to grow.

You. Are. Amazing.

I am truly blessed. Truly.

It is important to note that utility folk are there when it rains, shines and clouds.

Present.

But more importantly, they operate under an invisibility cloak. 

Unseen.

Their effects and efforts, will be enough testament of your growth for the whole world to see. 

It’s the #WordsOfWednesday on #WhatTheHeckMan by The Wordsmith.

Stay Up!

PLEASE COMMENT.

The End

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for Part 4 of The Cradle; this Saturday.

© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan

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The Cradle 3

The Cradle 3

Awe by Asa

Think of the flow of traffic right before or after the rush hour craziness.

Cars speeding up and down the freeways.

My emotions were as such.

Racing through my veins. I couldn’t believe what was happening.

I looked over to David, my eyes full and wide.

I could somehow see clearer now. If I could reach up and slap him from my bed, I would have.

Betrayal and anger were the two dominant emotions I was feeling at the time.

My own son had brought the source of my pain right to my bedside but I was also angry because I had never told him the truth.

So how was he supposed to know?

Know all that this man, his father, had put me through.

 

This man was the reason for our struggle. When I married him, I didn’t sign up for this.

I didn’t sign up to be a single mother or to barely make it from paycheck to paycheck.

I did not sign up for lying in a hospital bed trying to recover while wondering where our next gallon of milk was going to come from.

Now here he was.

The one thing that embodied the past I so desperately wanted to get away from.

Seven years of running and it still caught up to me.

 

Angela and Amanda stood shocked for a few minutes before snapping back into reality and approaching their father to give him a hug.

He smiled as he greeted them.

They all broke out of the hug and looked at me.

Everyone waiting for my reaction and I kid you not, my heart was in overdrive trying to catch up with my brain.

My brain was calculating all sorts of potential outcomes. I even considered running out of the room.

I was scared that after all these years, if I opened my mouth to speak, I would choke and it would sound horrible.

So I paused and I closed my eyes.

I took in a deep breath and said a quick prayer.

I slowly opened my eyes and said

“Can you guys give us some privacy, please?”

 

Awkwardly they all filed out of the room. Rotimi began to do this thing that he did when we were married, he slowly paced.

Angela was the last to leave the room, she flashed a smile my way before closing the door.

Rotimi walked to the window and pulled down the string. The blinds closed and he turned around and said

“Well this is certainly not under the circumstances I imagined us seeing. How are you feeling?”

I took that deep breath. You know the kind you take when someone asks you a stupid question and you are trying to compose a non-disrespectful answer.

“I’m feeling much better. Thank you.

Rotimi, what are you doing here?”

 

He smiled. That sly annoying smile he always had when he felt in charge

He said

“Well, I heard you were sick and needed some help with taking care of the bill after you get discharged. So I decided to come down and help”

“I don’t need your help.”

I immediately clapped back at him.

He paused with that same expression on his face and said

“After all these years, you’re still angry at me. I’m just trying to work things out and see if we can move forward from everything that happened and you’re still holding on to the past”

I sat up straight. Blood boiling, I launched into attack

“Now you want to fix things. You hear I’m sick and now you want to fix things.

After spending years, harassing and threatening me with lawsuits and taking my kids from me, now you want to fix things?

Go and fix things with the woman living with you….. Oh, you thought I didn’t know??

People are watching you.

I don’t even care. I just want to be left alone.

As you can see, I didn’t turn your children into hoodlums or prostitutes and your name has been protected. So please leave me alone…..”

I stopped and went right back into it

“And how dare you tell me to forget the past?

After all you put me through???

Everything you did to me Rotimi?

You almost broke me.

The past that you want me to forget so much is what informed what is now the reality for my children and I. So please do away with your memory loss and leave me alone.

I don’t hate you but I sure do not want to have anything to do with you again.

You have your relationship with all your children and that’s enough. So just leave me alone”

 

The smile on his face was gone.

He had a look of surprise written across his face. He didn’t think I knew about his new piece.

 

My friend Lekan had told me that she moved into the home a few months back. I could care less really but him coming here and pretending to care was driving me insane.

“Linda, I’m not here to fight.

I thought I was helping by paying for your bill and coming here”

He replied

“Rotimi, please stop right there.

You see these children; I have raised them all by myself for the past 7years and I haven’t taken a dime from you or anyone in your family.

There will be a bill and I would work my ass off to pay for it.

Keep your money.

I don’t need it and your children sure don’t. They have never had any reason to lack.”

I responded.

He smiled and said

“That’s not what I have heard for the past few years”

“Get out Rotimi!

Get out!”

I yelled out at him.

“Get out!”

 

He was taken aback.

He slowly got up as I continued to yell. He had both of his hands up motioning that I calm down but I wasn’t having it.

The door burst open and there was Angela with Amanda following in closely behind her.

“Get out of here you selfish bastard!”

I didn’t even caution myself in front of my children as David made it into the room last.

 

Rotimi was still in shock but Angela came close to him and said

“Dad, please leave”

He looked at me with confusion.

I was already crying as he walked out.

David stood there in confusion as to what had just happened.

He looked at me, and then back at the door his father had just walked out of and suddenly darted out of the room following his father.

I slumped into the bed with tears streaming down my cheeks.

Amanda and Angela looked at each, a look of deep confusion boldly displayed on their faces.

If I were a betting man, I would say their expressions read “WhatTheHeckMan”

……..

Both my girls didn’t say anything and even David did not speak when he returned.

The room was dead silent all night and I just processed.

The next morning, the doctors came in and prepared me for the OR.

A few hours later, I was wheeled back out.

I was told that I had been under for most of the day. It was night time when I woke up.

I opened my eyes and I could feel the pain.

Parts of my abdomen felt really sore.

But as I comprehended the pain, the drip released more of the medication into my system.

My body almost felt a jolt. The pain eased but the most important one was still very present; in my heart.

I just started to cry.

I hated how much I loved him.

After everything, I still loved him.

Why?

Why is it those that are the most undeserving that we love the most?

After all these years, even as I yelled at him a few days before, a part of me just wanted him to hold me and everything go back to the way it once was.

But I knew what the reality was and I think that was part of why I began to cry.

 

Loving and holding on to him was part of the reason why I couldn’t move on.

It was the reason why I shied away from love of any man that wanted to show me love.

I depended so much on the memories of what we had.

His appearance and attempt at reconciliation was going to change the narrative.

I couldn’t risk the narrative being changed.

He wrong me, I hated him. That was how it worked.

And then I started to question myself, was I truly being a good Christian if I still hadn’t forgiven this man.

If I hadn’t let it all go. What was that saying to my children?

Even though I had shielded them away from all that happened, holding the hurt was hindering me.

I knew I needed to forgive but whenever I was about to, I remembered an incident that had refueled my anger.

 

It was Amanda’s sophomore year in school.

I had returned home from my first job and was resting on the couch as I readied myself to head out again. My shift at my other job started in a couple of hours.

My kids knew the drill.

Do not disturb mummy while she rested. That meant that anything that wasn’t health, church or school related could wait till I was actually free.

Amanda burst through the door and she courtesy as she greeted me.

“Good afternoon mummy.”

“Good afternoon baby. How was school?”

I asked.

She immediately went into the refrigerator where she responded

“It was okay. Same ol.

How was work?”

I smiled and said

“It was okay my dear. Thanks for asking”

She continued to ruffle through the kitchen as I figured she was making her regular snack.

As she was done and heading towards her room, I said

“Did you turn the light off?….. because when they bring that bill now, all of you will be moping”

She doubled back and turned it off.

My eyes were closed as I smiled. I knew my children, and I knew my resources.

We parents had to look out for things like that before a huge bill showed up and we couldn’t pay.

 

I was about to catch the last hour and a half before Amanda had to take me to work.

My breathing slowed and I was cruising down France in my dreams when I heard that very expected but still equally annoying sound; my alarm.

I sluggishly got up and headed into my room to get ready.

“Amanda!”

I called out to her. She was probably in there watching the Real Housewives of some failed county.

She emerged a few minutes later and we were on our way.

On the ride, it was the usual.

Amanda listened to her hip hop on the radio at the least obnoxious volume. I used that time to “functionally nap”.

Never full sleep but enough to convince my mind that it was helpful.

 

We were about ten minutes away from my job when Amanda turned down the volume on the radio and said

“Mom… you know the class camping trip and all. It’s next weekend and the deadline to pay is in two days; Friday”

Sigh.

She had been telling me about this trip for weeks and her entire class was looking to go.

She deserved to go too but I couldn’t afford it.

I had tried to chop and cut things for weeks with no success.

I couldn’t let her down though, so I said

“Oh yeah?

Okay, I will have the money for you Friday morning before you go to school.

Okay love?”

She nodded as she kept on driving.

I think there was a part of her that wanted to believe me but the reality was also clear for her to see. I didn’t have that money.

As little as $320 may seem to the next person, for me, it felt like a fortune.

“Pull into the Chevron gas station on the right there baby”

I told her.

I got out and went into the store. I purchased an international calling card.

Stuffed it in my wallet and returned to the car.

“6:45am”

I said to her as I exited the car.

 

The entire shift, I battled with the place I was in.

I had promised this girl the trip but I was completely broke.

I was already owing certain people a lot of money and I had challenged God with my tithing that I would not be borrowing again.

What to do?

On my lunch break, I came outside and prayed.

I was about to try their father. I convinced myself that my pride was still intact if the money was not for me.

After all, my kids were eating well and being clothed all these years.

This was an unexpected expense.

“Please hold while we connect your call….”

The automated lady said to me as I waited.

I considered hanging up the call before he even picked up.

The last time we had spoken, was me telling him to stop calling and harassing me and here I was about to ask him for money.

“….. well how does it feel to need me now?

I knew you would come back begging. You think you can raise three kids on your own”

I hated the sound of his voice.

It was so annoying and condescending.

“They have been doing fine so far.

I wasn’t calling you to be insulted. I just want to know if you can send the money for her trip or not”

I replied.

And he said

“If you can talk to me properly, then it is something I would….”

 

Click.

I hung up the phone and I was now fuming!

I hated this. I turned that anger to prayer.

Oh how I hated being this vulnerable place where people could now take advantage of you as they please.

Ugh!

It was so demoralizing.

Swallowing your pride and then having it thrown in your face.

My soul was heavy that entire day because I still did not have the money but also because I was being disrespected.

But this was the reality for me and a lot of other people in a place of need.

I was able to borrow the money from my Pastor’s wife.

It was initially meant to be a loan as I requested but she was generous enough to pay for it herself.

I was so grateful.

But it was incidents like that, that set me back.

 

I was lonely.

My children were growing and I had a few interested men but I was so afraid.

Afraid of being vulnerable or letting someone in to the point where they took advantage of me.

It annoyed me that I knew that not all men were like Rotimi but I wasn’t willing to take the gamble.

And I always wondered what these men wanted from me really. Like I’m a separated and technically divorced mother of three pushing her fifties.

Why me?

I couldn’t understand it.

I had no belief in myself. I had placed all my belief and worth in what I had built with him and once that came crashing down, there was no piece of me left.

……

“Mummy, why won’t you tell us what happened?”

Angela asked me.

I was on my way to full recovery. A few more days and I would have been on my way back to understanding what life I had on the outside.

It had now been a few weeks of hospital food and beeping machines.

Honestly, I just wanted 2% milk and to be lying down on my couch.

 

I reached for Angela’s hand, glanced at Amanda and said

“One lesson, you will learn from me is that you don’t speak ill of people.

There are things that happened between your father and I. Some you may understand and others you may not but the reality is, all that has been done in life is planned for all to see in front of us.

Your marriage is sacred and there is a lot that will happen in it that only you and your partner will understand or discuss.

In that union, it will be you, your husband and God.

Once it starts to involve more parties than that, problems arise.

If I sat here and said bad things about your father, you will begin to question your relationship with him and I never want that. The issues we had are between us two”

Angela rolled her eyes and cheekily said

“But you know we are adults now right?”

I smiled and said

“No matter how old you are, you are still my babies.

And I love you very much and want the best for you

And I will always be here to make sure the best is all you have”

Amanda looked away as she said

“This is why I’m not getting married”

I looked at her and slapped her hand. I said

“Don’t say that into your life. You will get married in Jesus name.”

She continued with a jokingly defiant tone

“Me I don’t want all the drama that comes with it and then kids!

No way!”

 

Angela and I both laughed as I said

“You all better give me agile grandchildren. So I can come and live at all your houses.

Once this once gets married (I pointed to Angela), I will retire and start staying at all your houses 3 months a year.

9 months of traveling and 3 months with my own boo”

Angela caught that last part and said

“Soooooo… you’re seeing someone mother and you didn’t tell us?

No fair”

“I was just kidding o.

There is no one. Well no one serious yet or one that I have his time yet.

Let me recover first”

I replied

 

Amanda blurted out to Angela

“That’s where the flowers came from”

Pointing to the bouquet of two dozen white roses sitting on the table.

I couldn’t contain my smile but I quickly said

“So… my birthday is in a few days. What do my lovely children have planned for me?”

They both looked at each other. Nothing had been planned.

I was sure of it.

Angela spoke and said

“Well, we didn’t think you would want to do anything after the surgery. So we didn’t plan anything.

But we can definitely do something at the house.”

The look of disappointment on my face was impossible to miss.

I just wanted to feel celebrated. With all I had going on, I just wanted a getaway.

To feel important.

Sigh

I was starting to get accustomed to that defeating feeling and it was worrying me.

……

All my things were being packed up and we were walking out.

Two days to my birthday.

I stopped at the nurse’s desk to gather the rest of my stuff.

All my children were with me and Michael from my church was with me.

It was somewhat uncomfortable because I could see how he looked at me and I was hoping that my children did not notice it too.

I signed some papers and grabbed my medication.

 

As we headed out of the lobby. I was moving rather slowly.

I had regained a lot of my energy but my legs were still weak.

All those days of laying down in the bed and minimal movement.

“You’re just going to leave without saying thank you or a goodbye now”

Michael who was standing next to me said

“Let’s just go”

I turned around and there was Rotimi.

I sluggishly moved towards him and said

“Thank you”

I turned to walk away.

He said

“So that it’s. You’re just going to walk away again?”

“Rotimi, what do you want?

For Christs sake, what do you want?

To break me again?

To have me wondering if you ever loved me?

To spend 7years slaving to give your children everything while your shadow loomed large over me?

To feel like I could never love anyone like I loved you?”

I stopped.

“Rotimi, we are not doing this in front of people, in front of our children.

I have protected you and your image in front of these children. So you can have a good relationship with them but Rotimi, I owe you nothing.

I have given all my love and all my prayers. I even gave my dignity for you.

I have nothing left to give you.

Nothing”

I turned around to walk away and he said

“You didn’t have to leave.

We could have worked it out. We could have saved what we had”

I turned and came close to him.

My eyes were swelling with tears now.

I came close to him and said

“Rotimi, even after the thing with Chief and you putting me up to that, we weren’t broken.

I don’t think you understand how much I loved you. I would have killed for you and my children.

Whatever it took to keep you happy.

Like many women today and in days past, I would lower everything I had to make you safe within your manhood.

I was willing to give up my body for you….

You just hated yourself because you even agreed to put me up to it.

You punished me for the anger you felt towards yourself.

Unfairly, you treated me.

Undignified me amongst friends and family

I took it all until I couldn’t anymore.

And I left.

You have obviously moved on with your life and so please let me with mine”

He looked at me and you could tell his ego was bruised.

I was in tears and feeling very vulnerable but true to myself at the same time.

He said

“You could have said no when I told you about the chief thing back then”

Startled, I snarled back and said

“Oh said no, like you did to Chief?”

His face went pale

“Oh you didn’t know that all these years, I knew?

Well… I kept wondering why Chief gave us that huge amount of money, even when I was sure I

didn’t do anything with him that night.

So I went one day to his office to find out. The story of him sleeping with me, never came from him.

You were the one who started it because you wanted to protect yourself.

It turns out that he didn’t give the money to us because he slept with me.

It was because he slept with you.”

There was a collective gasp in surprise and shock in that lobby.

Put a phrase to it you say?

I would say…. What The Heck… Watch out for Part 4 on Saturday. We conclude this rollercoaster! How does it end?
The Wordsmith on deck? YOU NEVER REALLY KNOW!

We here! #SanmiSaturdays #WhatTheHeckMan

Give me feedback. How did this make you feel? 

COMMENT!!! 

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for The Cradle 4 starting next week.

© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan

Uncategorized

Needs Wanted: Apply Here

Needs Wanted: Apply Here

IMG_2217

It can feel like a dream

You wake up and you begin to replay the scenes 

Or a blur

The feelings here and gone

Before you can think

Miles before you can truly feel

One moment you think you want

The next you’re struggling with what you need

Remember when you were asked what you wanted for Christmas

But when you got it

It wasn’t what you thought it all to be

Then you discard it

And search for something else

But that toy that you never wanted

That random gift that checked all the boxes

Is the purple one you clutch to sleep

……

Celebrating fleeting attractions

Chasing glorified sensations 

We want what we feel

But fail to feel what we need

Many mistakes have been made in history

But the biggest can be forgetting that you have a unique story

So your choices and dreams

Are yours to keep

Memories and yours to feel

Needs yours wants should feed

And your actions should never cause you to lose your sleep

…..

There will be many

Many stories

Different narratives

Glittering offerings

Many that leave you with holding unto sweet nothings

Bitter tastes

That remain long after a new attraction invades

Your heart becomes a hotel

Many for a few nights stay

Before they move on along on their way

The essentials will remain the same

Find what you need

And how to make it fill you up

Sustain you at every stop

Inspire you to never give up

Find what you truly need

And not what a new attraction can make you give up

Sigh.

There is no thesis. No head to this snake. 

Writing this on my phone. No edits. Just raw thoughts.

There no pills for this feeling.

I feel like I’m writing poetry again. 

Okay let me stop.

 

Today, I was accused of having a girlfriend. I denied the claim.

Well, i didn’t deny because I don’t have one. I know what love feels.

I feel it inside me.

I know what its capable of sparking in me but do I know if I’m ready for what it can really do to me.

I started thinking about what I want vs. what I need vs. what I have.

Like in the accounting class I’m currently taking, they speak to cash in hand.

Today, I have a healthy dose of attraction.

Some sustained, some fleeting, some tempting, some fake and some just empty.

I know I have that. I see it everyday.

 

From mothers who like my beard to ladies who can’t get enough of the words of “The Wordsmith”

But is that contributing to what I want or need?

I want a woman with a gorgeous smile. Something I can wake up to that brightens my day.

I want a woman that other men want and envy me because I have her.

I want a woman that compliments me.

I want a woman with a “phat” ass. One that I can smack and grab in public.

I want a woman with lips that make you feel things.

I want a career woman.

I want a woman that is friendly but distant enough that guys stay back.

 

You see, my list of wants are fair things that someone can confidently justify as requirements.

But they are just wants. They will fade, they will change.

My needs however, will remain the same or even morph into greater needs as they develop.

So what does one need,

I need a God fearing woman. Not a woman that knows her way around a church or how to navigate the church politics but someone who truly has a relationship with him that grows daily.

I need a woman that knows that plantain is above everything.

I need a woman that is not afraid to call my bluff.

I need a woman that prays for me even when I forget to pray about myself.

I need a woman who knows that in my eyes, she is everything.

I need a woman that challenges me and motivates me to be a better man daily.

I need a woman that makes having her feel like a gift.

 

I know what I need and unfortunately, much of what I have right now is not what I need.

I don’t need someone to offer me their body, stress me because I am not emotional enough for them or because I won’t engage in childish arguments.

I may want that on some level but I don’t need that.

I have realized that some want me or the idea of me but do not need me in the capacity they believe they do.

Sucks but its the truth.

See, I don’t need anyone to point me towards where what i may be. And you shouldn’t let anyone do that either.

I have always known that I want to rich but I continue to learn about myself daily that I now know that even if I am meant to be rich, I am not ready for God to give it to me yet.

So what you need may require you to work hard and prepare yourself.

See, all the things I need can be in the right woman but if I am not ready to appreciate her when she comes, I will miss her. Or she may leave.

That is a prayer I say everyday. 

I truly hope that as God works on me, he is working on her too. And we are in the same place at the same time, so it works according to his plan.

Patience is required as you wait for what you need.

No matter how much you need something, there is still due process that needs to be observed. 

It can get tiring as you begin to confuse what you want and need due to timing.

You feel like you have to get what you want now, whereas what you need, requires more work, time and growth.

I always say that regret is a harder feeling to sell to someone. 

The feeling of failure is painful and often hard to swallow when you finally get what you wanted and you realize that you NEED to give it up because you rushed.

Spend time sitting alone, analyze yourself and decide what you have in hand, want and need.

Address them in prayer and create a plan to outline what you want and need.

I’m not saying that you ignore your wants. Eat that bowl of Ice Cream because you want to. Work it off later.

But always keep your eyes on what you need.

What you need to be a better person.

A better son/daughter/lover/friend/confidant/WhatTheHeckMan supporter.

Your needs should be addressing your areas of growth and contributing towards your sustainability. 

You may want the perfect person by society standards but you need the best version of you and someone who brings that out of you.

I hope I made sense today. Like I said, there was no real thesis. 

Just a man with a platform speaking. 

It’s the #WordsOfWednesday on #WhatTheHeckMan by The Wordsmith. 🙂 

Uncategorized

The Cradle 2

The Cradle 2

Embedded image permalink

Ife by Asa

The drive was painful.
There was an uncomfortable silence as Amanda drove me to the emergency room.
I didn’t know what to say and I could tell she was scared. Very scared.
Her hands were shaking as she placed both on the wheel.
She barely turned to the right to look at me. It was like she was worried that if she turned, I would have disappeared or something.
We found a parking spot in the emergency room parking area and hopped out of the car.

We slowly made our way to the door and I stopped and gently guided Amanda into a turn using her shoulder.
I reached both hands up and placed them around Amanda’s smooth shoulders that moulded her 5’7 frame.
I don’t know what is in the American food but I just know she grew physically beyond my imaginations since we moved to the States.
I looked into her eyes and said

“Baby, it’s all going to be okay. I trust God.
We have no one but God and he has brought us his far. He will not desert us now. I am sure of it.
So don’t worry and channel your energy into praying.
Every time you get scared; pray.
His word says pray without ceasing. And that is what we will do. I will be fine because I serve a living God.
Okay baby. By his stripes, I am healed. Alright love?”

I could tell she was still scared but at least she tried to force a nod.
Who was I to blame her? Even after three phone call from the doctor and making my way into the hospital, I still hadn’t told her what I was there for. And I was scared too. I was trying to tell myself it would be okay but I was fearful too.
She knew it was bad but to what extent? That I was sure she didn’t know.
My children had never seen me cry. I had made it a point as they were growing to never cry in front of them.
I tried to shield them from those emotions until there were ready.
And I certainly wasn’t going to ruin Amanda’s big day. She was blessed to have been accepted into the school and to ruin that would have been unfair to her and all her hard work.

The check-in was fairly smooth. About an hour later and I was in my assigned bed with Amanda by my side.
For those of you that have been to hospitals, you can testify that emergency room waits are the doing of the devil.
You can have an exploding brain aneurism but they will still make you wait before they can attend to you.
I acknowledge that it’s not their fault, but you are more likely to guess the winning lottery numbers in the emergency waiting room before you get attended to.

This nurse came for this and the other for that.
Holes were being punched into my body as each person wanted a bit more of the red Kool aid inside my body.
Hours had gone by and I was tired. I remember dozing off and then I woke up.
Amanda was on her phone, I slowly opened my eyes and said

“Posting another portrait or selfie”

Trying to sound hip. She smiled as if to thank her stars that I didn’t say that in public to embarrass her.

“It’s called a selfie mom. We’ve gone over this before.
Just selfie and no I’m not posting anything. Just looking at other peoples pictures”

She replied in that classic 17year old “I have to help my mother be cool” voice.
We smiled at each other.
I said

“So we need to take you shopping so you can start getting new clothes for school”

She looked at me as she lowered her phone and said

“Mom we don’t need to worry about that right now. We shouldn’t even be talking about that right now”

I had this look of confusion on my face as I said

“Why not?”

I paused for a second and I continued

“I’m going to be out of here as soon as possible and I cannot have you not ready for school. College is a big deal.
So it must be done right. Don’t sit here worrying about me, i will be fine.
Sooooo what’s the latest you guys are wearing now?”

She was hesitant to change the topic and talk about her “vanities” but I think she sensed that I needed my mind off the current situation, so she started talking.
I honestly wasn’t listening to the words coming out of her mouth. I had just needed a distraction.
But mind was off to the races thinking

“How many days of work am I going to miss for this?
Where will I get money to buy her what she needs for school?
Will I even make it through it all?”

I was in my thoughts as I watched her lips close and part as she yapped away.
She was beautiful and mine. I was so proud of her.
Everyone was proud of her. Her poise, her big heart and her dedication to who she was.
I just stared in awe as I thanked God for at least making sure one of the three turned out right.
Not to speak ill of my other two kids but adulthood changes things.
Your little angels can quickly become distant strangers who just eat your food and do their laundry at your house.

I must have been lost in my thought because I didn’t notice Amanda tapping my right hand saying

“Mum? Mum?”

I finally snapped back into it and noticed Dr. Fairborn standing to my left.

“Oh hey doc”

I said

“Well hello here”

He replied

“I can see there is some mother daughter bonding going on here”

He continued.
We both smiled like teenage girls meeting our crush for the first time at his concert while he made his way back stage. The man was just fine.
He smiled back as he said

“So do you want to talk in private about the details of the procedure”

As he glanced at Amanda who looked like an enthusiastic student ready to soak up all the information that was coming.
I was about to speak when my two other kids showed up; David and Angela.

“Oh we have a full house now. Are these your other kids?”

Dr Fairborn said as they squeezed into the room.
I nodded as I smiled. He continued

“Well the first bit of the procedure is the radiation. We would start that in a couple of days.
Right now we want to get your blood pressure down and get some more healthy stuff flowing inside of you.
So we will keep you here under observation and I’ll be checking in.
The other part I wanted to discuss with you which I mentioned over the phone is the payment and duration bit”

I swallowed hard.
He continued

“Because the rumors and in such delicate positions, we have to be really careful. And we might need to break down the process but we verified with your insurance and because they are terminating your employment in a few weeks, they are not obligated to pay for anything that happens after that date.
I am obligated by law to complete treatment once I start, so I will operate on you. But I just wanted to give you a heads up that there will intact be a huge bill coming your way once this is over”

I sighed and said

“It’s okay. God is in control.”

Dr. Fairborn nodded and said his goodbyes before heading out

“It was nice meeting you all. You have a lovely mom. Linda rest up okay and ask for anything you need. I’ll check back on you as soon as I can”

“Thank you doctor”

I replied as he left the room.
As soon as he was gone, Angela and Amanda leaned over the bed and hugged me. It was a warming feeling inside.
As the got up, I said

“Look, I don’t want any sadness around this. God is in control. All we need to do is pray and let him do what he does best”

I heard David say something under his breath. I knew it was something that he didn’t quite want me to hear and maybe I shouldn’t have poked but I said

“David, what did you say?”

I held my breath as he turned and stared at me. You could feel that burning in his eyes.
I hoped he would say something that would burn deeper than any radiation laser could. He turned and squarely faced me as he said

“I said, what will prayer do?”

I thought he would stop but he went on to say

“All you have been saying is pray, pray, pray and nothing has happened. Yet we have a father that has so much money but you won’t take it from him. Now you’re trying to go into so much debt for this. When you could easily ask him for the money and call it day….
You teach us to be humble and all that other stuff but you are too full of pride to even ask the father of your children for money that may save your life. You continue to hide behind God..
Is God going to send you thousands of dollars?…”

He stopped taking and I was bleeding. My heart was bleeding.
His words pierced so deep into my heart. I could see so much of his father in him. It frightened me.
The tears started to roll down my cheeks.
Angela turned to him and said

“Just leave bro. Not cool at all”

I didn’t want him to leave. Even though I was hurting. I didn’t want him to leave my side.
But the reality of our situation hit very quickly. He turned around and walked out of the room.

…..

There are those moments you cherish with the ones you love. Often times, it’s the things that they don’t even realize, that causes you to love them more.
My son wasn’t always so “cold”.
I remember when I had begun to plan the trip to America with my children, seven years ago.
That day the driver arrived with David from school and before David even walked into the house, I instructed him to enter the car.
He was still in his school attire and he didn’t complain.
That was the way he was
I didn’t want the driver to drive us.
We headed out and I remember buying him some Fan Yogurt and two egg rolls while I bought one Gala for myself.

It wouldn’t have seemed strange for me to take David with me to his father.
David and I occasionally had mother and son time as I their father spent time with the girls too.
It was a balance.
That day we went and got his pictures taken so I could get his passports for the travel.
He was so supportive and always helpful with everything I asked of him.
Leaving his father was especially harder for him. He loved his father and they were very close.
When we arrived in America, not having hat father figure was hard for him.
He was also aware of the fact that I left but neither his father nor I, spoke about why I left.
And when he began to resent me, I should have trusted his growth and spoken to him but after a while, it just seemed like a lost cause.
And I had no one to really ask for help.

…..

It was Saturday night as we headed back to our Magodo residence on the outskirts of Lagos.
The driver was carefully guiding us home from the Island.
We were coming from my friends 40th birthday party.
The party had been fun as we mingled with our friends and danced the night away while the househelp stayed back with the kids at home.
My husband, Rotimi, was in characteristically quiet on the ride home.
After 18years of marriage, I knew my husband , something was on his mind.
I didn’t want to pry in front of the driver so I waited till we got home.
I walked into the house with my Gélè (African headtie) in hand. I untangled it and hung it over the side of the rail as I inspected every room.
David was still awake playing video games. That FIFA did things to young and old men that I will never understand.

“David, you should sleep. Turn that off”

He turned on that puppy look and said without moving his face from the TV screen

“But mummy, it’s the weekend! I don’t have school tomorrow…”

He was right but I replied

“Yes but we have church and I will not be late. Thirty more minutes and then bed.
If I come back and it’s still on, you will be looking for my trouble o…
Goodnight son”

I pulled the door close and headed to my room.
I walked in and my husband was sitting on the bed taking off his shoes. I stood in front of my dresser and began taking off my earrings and my necklace when I said

“So babe, what’s been on your mind?”

He looked up as if he was surprised that I had noticed.
He said

“Nothing love”

I knew he was lying. So I walked over to the bed and dropped my Iro (wrapper) and revealed my spanxs as I sat next to him.
I started rubbing his bald head. He loved when I did that and then I said

“My King, talk to me”

He looked at me
I could tell he loved me. He wanted to share but it must have been big
I said

“It doesn’t matter what it is, you know I got you”

He smiled and then said

“We’re broke”

“How bad?”

I asked in response. His head dropped and he said

“The house and cars are all we have left”

I paused for a second and then said

“Why don’t you just take some money from the company till we are back on our feet. We have gone through this before and we always come out of it. I can also sell some of the plots of land I have”

He looked at me like kid with a good heart that just didn’t have enough money for the ice cream truck.

“It won’t be enough. The company is bankrupt as of today. The government is refusing to pay us for the last contract we did. We used all our capital and even borrowed from the bank. Now we are broke and we owe the bank millions”

Now I understood why he looked so glum. This was bad.
Worse than we had ever had.
I got up and got in front of him. Standing over him, I bent down and kissed his bald head and I said

“We are going to pray and God will give us a way. It will all be sorted my love”

He placed his hand around my waist and touched my butt as he hugged me. I headed towards the bathroom to take a shower when he said

“What if God has already given us the answer?”

I stopped in my tracks and started saying in my head, “please don’t mention something stupid”

“How?”

He sat up and said

“Chief”

Whew.
I let out a sigh of relief as I now continued into the bathroom as i said

“That’s interesting. What does he want in return? A stake in the company?”

Chief was a wealthy businessman. He was also my husband’s mentor when he first came into the business world. He bought companies when they are on their knees, built them up and then consolidated them with his or just sold them for a huge profit.
He was a give and take guy I had heard. If he loaned you money, he wanted a stake in that company or to own it.

“So how much can he borrow us?”

I was about to get into the shower when Rotimi said

“Not a single dime.
He wants give it all to me”

I let out a squeal from inside the bathroom as I was surprised to hear what my husband had just said.
I said back

“So what does he want then?”

I could almost hear the sadness in my husband’s voice as he said

“You”

I stopped and froze.
I couldn’t believe my ears as I walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. I stopped in the doorway with my towel around my chest.
I gathered myself and said

“What do you mean he wants me?”

He said

“He wants to have sex with you and then he will cover all we need for as a company and as get back on our feet”

I didn’t say anything. I just stood there dumbfounded.
I knew my husband and if he hasn’t already agreed, he would have never brought it up.
The look in his eyes said it all.
I couldn’t say anything. I actually didn’t have the words to say it but if I could it would be
What The Heck Man.

……
The next few days were hard. I felt betrayed.
Heartbroken.
How could he ask me that?
Didn’t he love me enough?

I desperately wanted answers and truthfully, it wasn’t something you walked up to your friends and told them about.
This was my family, my cross to carry.
He was slightly nudging me to take the offer and do it.
I battled with it within myself.
While I was hurt, I began to think about my children and their futures. I needed to ensure their safety.
I kept on praying but as a young Christian, I wasn’t patient enough for God to answer me.

I could feel that if I didn’t do this and we lost everything, my husband would never forgive me.
So I finally gave in about a month later.

That day I met up with Chief at the Intercontinental hotel in Victoria Island.
He walked into the room.
The man was not the cliché vulture of old men out here. No potbelly or colored teeth.
He was a well-groomed man that just seemed to have a thing for power.
I knew what I had to do and I knew it wasn’t going to be easy but I had to do it.
He walked into the suite and he was on the phone for about 10 minutes.

Once he was off the phone, he motioned at me to come over. I got up sheepishly from the couch I was sitting on and headed towards him.
I stood in front of him while he smiled and examined me.

“How old are you again?”

He asked.

“38 sir”

I replied.

“Hmmm… You are very beautiful. I like it.
Okay let’s get to business”

He commanded.
I slowly began to unbutton my blouse and out of nowhere, I got this urge to kneel down.
So I knelt down in front of him and tears streaming down my face, I said

“Chief, I know you don’t owe or my family anything but I am begging you. I am a mother of 3 young children. I am even only here because of my husband and my children. I beg that you have mercy on my family and not have sex with me, sir.
I know my husband and I agreed to this but sir, my spirit is uneasy.
Please have mercy.”

I finished unbuttoning my blouse. He stared right at me.
The smile from earlier had disappeared.
He seemed insulted.
I was scared

“I’m sorry sir. I didn’t mean to offend you”

I quickly explained
He smiled and said

“Get up and put your clothes”

I felt like I was hearing a foreign language. I just stayed on my knees. He repeated himself and said

“Put your clothes on and get up”

I hurriedly got up and buttoned my top.
I stood in front of him and waited for directions.
He scanned me from top to bottom and then said

“Go and sit over there”

Pointing to the couch through the door in the front room. I walked over there.
Confused, I waited as I thanked God for this miracle.
I waited and waited.
He was on the phone talking for a while and I just sat there.

I slowly opened my eyes.
Oh no!
No!
Oh my God no!
I had fallen asleep.
I quickly patted myself down to make sure that I  had not been touched.
I got up and ran to the window. The sun was out.
It was morning.
Where did the night go? Where did chief go?
I checked the bathroom, bedroom and even closet; nothing.

I returned to the couch where I had fallen asleep.
Right next to my purse was a check for one hundred and fifty million naira (#150,000,000)
I couldn’t believe it.
God had my back. I couldn’t fathom what had happened.
I had fallen asleep.
I placed my hands on my privates.
Even in my confusion, I pulled my pants down to check myself in the secret regions.
It was a cocktail of emotions.
I was happy, scared and just shocked.

I left and returned home that morning. I wasn’t talking to my husband.
I just went to his side of the bed and put the check down.
He returned that afternoon and was ecstatic.
I never told him what actually happened.
Initially, I wanted him to regret giving up his wife for money but after a while it didn’t matter the trust was broken.

He was happy and his company survived and even boomed from then on.
But our marriage turned sour.
He began to keep late nights, unexpected trips and he started drinking.
Thought the time we dated and even all the years we were married till that point, Rotimi never took a sip of alcohol. At least, not in my presence.
Everything changed.
He became mean and cold.
Like he regretted what he had made me do and so he pushed his anger on me.

One night he came home and I noticed his fly was undone. I just made a joke and said

“You just move around Lagos with your fly open now?”

I was still smiling when I felt a thunderous slap hit me across the face.
Angela heard it. Her room was closest to ours.
She ran to our door and said

“Mummy, daddy, did you hear that?!”

I gathered myself with shock still coursing to my toes as I said

“It’s okay love. I just dropped something”

There were more days like that, I was wearing more makeup than usual as I tried to conceal the bruises and black eyes.
It continued for a year till one night when he beat me till I couldn’t hear out of my right ear.
He just kept yelling

” you gave yourself for money! What kind of a mother are you?!”

I kept telling him to keep his voice down and our children must not hear.
In his drunken nights with his friends, he must have told them.
I heard of the stories from their wives as I fell from grace.
It was then, I knew I had to do something. So we packed up and without enlisting the help of anyone, I moved my kids and myself to America.
The sacrifice of love that i made for that man and yet for a year and even after I left, he tormented and bullied me.
For a while, I hated him but God helped me start to forgive.
But to go back to him for help, I was never going to do that. No matter who hated me for it and even if it was my own son.
Someday, the truth would come out and I would be vindicated.

…..

I had been in the hospital for ten days and it was the second day after the second procedure.
My body was still weak and I was under the influence of some of the strongest legal drugs mad could find.
Drifting in and out of consciousness, I would be awake to briefly catch a conversation or two with Angela or Amanda.
David didn’t come by very often.
And I missed him.
I missed his smile and his deep voice that reminded me of his father.
The surgery had been successful so far.
Just one more procedure was left and I was sure God would finalize what he had started.

It was sometime in the evening and I was asleep. Well not in deep sleep because I could still hear Amanda and Angela arguing over Kanye West and Kim Kardashian getting married. One was arguing that it was for money and the other was for team love.
I just kept my eyes closed and enjoyed their banter. I was tired anyways and keeping my eyes open was a struggle.
Suddenly, they both went silent and I didn’t know why but I didn’t want to open my eyes.
I lay there.
Then I heard a voice, it was David

He was standing to my left with the door behind him.
I struggled to open my eyes and I said

“Hello son, how are you?”

He held my left hand and I felt a warmth in my heart. I loved that boy.
He replied

“I’ve been okay mom. Sorry I’ve been away so much”

“It’s okay son. I know you’re busy and all. How’s work?”

I asked.

“Fine mom. It’s going well…
Mom there is someone I want you to meet.”

I started thinking girlfriend and I was hoping my son wasn’t stupid enough to bring someone to meet me in that condition.

“Who is she son?”

He smiled and then a voice behind him spoke and said

“Hello Linda, it’s been a while”

My eyes couldn’t deceive me because they could hardly get open but I knew that voice.
Oh I knew that voice.
It was Rotimi.

End of Part 2

My friend’s mother is doing well but keep your prayers going, please. She needs all of it.
God bless you as you bless her and her family.
Love you #WhatTheHeckMan family. I truly appreciate EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU. Even those of you that don’t comment.

Also come for Words of Wednesday this week!!!!!!

Give me feedback. How did this make you feel? 

COMMENT!!! 

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for The Cradle 3 starting next week.

© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan

Uncategorized

The Cradle

The Cradle

IMG_7679

Still by Jake Isaac

“Caramel Frapaccino with roasted nuts and two pumps of classic for Linda”

The host at the Starbucks called out. I continued to click away on my phone. 

I was so distracted as I waited in line for my drink. I was engrossed in paying bills over the phone. 

A password to my utility bill’s account was escaping my mind as I tried to remember. 

The payment was already late but a fee would have been incurred if I didn’t make the payment by noon that day.

This was the usual struggle. 

Month to month.

The hostess at the counter said in a melodious tone,

“I have Caramel Frapaccino with roasted nuts and two pumps of classic for Linda”

I still didn’t catch it. 

A lady behind me who must have seen me order, gently tapped me on my right shoulder and said,

“I think your drink is ready ma’am”

I turned to look at her, smiled and proceeded to collect my drink. 

A man was coming in as I was leaving and he held the door open for me. I smiled and said a quick “thank you” as I turned into the streets of downtown Atlanta.

One long drag from my drink, I pressed the button the side of my phone to unlock it.

I kept my head down, navigating my way as I walked down the crowded street and simultaneously tried to figure out my password to the account. 

A few minutes later, I arrived at my destination. The automatic doors parted as I approached and the noise level increased. 

I approached the desk and there was a short line of people waiting. 

I took my place behind a couple of people and continued on my phone. I finally figured out the password!

It was the name of my youngest child. 

There was a huge smile on my face as I approached the lady after she said “next in line please”

She flashed a bright smile back and I could tell she had only started her day and that smile would probably fade by lunch time.

I said,

“I’m here for an appointment with Dr Fairborn at 9:15am”

She clicked a few times on the computer and said,

“Do you have your medical card and a form of ID”

I reached in my jacket pocket and pulled out the two cards and handed them to her. 

She clicked again a few times and then handed the cards back to me with a few documents on a clipboard. She said,

“Fill these out and have a seat they will come and get you.

When you’re done filling them out, place them in box A over there.”

she pointed to the corner of the room. There were two wall files hanging on the wall tagged “A and B”

I left the counter and took a seat.

The forms were a breeze and I promptly placed them in the wall file and returned the clipboard to the counter.

I returned to my seat and continued my unofficial job as a finance manager and market predictor as I crunched numbers and projected analysis of my paycheck.

This was always a depressing task. 

The constant pain that came with getting paid and the money very quickly disappearing from my account.

Everything had to be properly planned out. There was no room for unplanned expenses or surprise activities.

Every dollar had a purpose and sometimes even months before it arrived in my account.

I was working away and the door next to the files swung open.

A nurse with a clipboard in her hand came out and said, 

“Linda Akalii”

She was pronouncing my name wrong but I got up anyways and walked towards her.

She said,

“I’m pronouncing it wrong huh?”

I nodded and smiled politely as we headed in the back section of the hospital where the real work was getting done.

She smiled and said,

“How do you say it?

I really want to know how to say it right”

I kept smiling as I said, 

“Linda Akala”

She repeated after me but again said,

“Akalii”

I nodded, lied and said, 

“Yeah, you got it”

She seemed so pleased. She was pronouncing it wrong but I wasn’t here for that.

Besides, I was so used to it. 

Almost everyone has been pronouncing my name wrong since I moved to America. 

Oh well.

I sat down and she strapped my left arm up and asked me to open my mouth. She carefully placed the thermometer in my mouth. 

I closed my mouth and directed my attention to the blood pressure machine on my left.

The pump went on and trapped my arm and then relaxed.

Numbers flashed on the screen as she wrote them down and I got up.

She said,

“Oh that looks a little high.

Come here lets get your weight and height”

Normally weight loss would be something that I would be stoked about but this time, I wasn’t. She recorded my weight, 7 pounds lower than my last visit, just under a month ago.

The nurse led me into one of the rooms and said,

“Take off your clothes and put on the robe. The doctor will be with you shortly.”

I smiled as the door shut and then I became nervous. The uncertainty of what was coming next was overwhelming.

I sat there, looking around the room and reading some of the posters hanging on the wall and then the door opened.

My doctor came in with his handsome smile on his handsome face.

He was just yummy.

He reminded me of a young George Clooney on General hospital but with a beard and a more chiseled build.

That wedding ring on his finger always annoyed me whenever I came for a checkup. But what would he been looking for with me anyways. 

I just admired in silence as he said,

“Linda! How are you?”

I smiled and replied,

“Fine doc”

He pulled a chair and sat down across from me and said,

“So what brings you in today?”

My smiled disappeared and I said,

“The pain is back doctor”

He didn’t flinch, he just said,

“Hmmm…

Tell me more about that”

“Well…. sometimes I just feel hard cramps and it almost feels like I’m on my period but I haven’t had one in years.

And sometimes it gets really painful.

Oh… sometimes there is a discharge too”

I replied.

He got up and got behind the standing the computer and said,

“How’s your activity level been? 

Have you been working out?”

I see your blood pressure is high…”

I replied and said with a laugh,

“Try raising three grown children and see if your blood pressure will not be high.”

He laughed with me and said,

“Have you been resting?

And cutting back on your salt intake”

I shook my head and I said,

“Not really doctor. It’s hard working two jobs and maintaining a household to get anytime to sleep”

He said,

“I understand but you have to rest and also watch what you eat.

I’m going to give you some pain meds to hopefully tackle the pain and I’m also setting up an appointment downstairs so you can have a CT scan done.

Do you have some time for that today?”

I nodded and he continued.

“Good. 

That will give me a clear picture of what’s going on in there and we can go from there. Okay?

In the meantime, try to get some rest and stay away from Starbucks”

He had seen the cup sitting by my handbag on the floor.

I blushed like a kid that had been caught sneaking candy after halloween.

He said,

“Trust me, I know it tastes good but it’s ultimately not good for you.

And we don’t want you having to come and see more times right?”

I shook my head as he said,

“Because, I’m open to you visiting all the time if you want. I just know you are a very busy woman.”

I smiled as he said goodbye and exited the room.

I got off the bed and began to put my clothes on. I felt somewhat relieved and I wasn’t sure why. 

Maybe it was the “doctor effect” that talking to him just made it feel better.

I reached for my jacket, it wasn’t the flashiest. Back in Nigeria, they called the yellow fever jacket for traffic officers.

I worked in the similar field as a toll collector.

My phone buzzed and I reached for it. 

I looked at the message and then the time, I had to go. I had work soon.

……

People hope to find their purpose in life. 

And sometimes you hope that your purpose is somehow linked to the work that you decide to do.

Everyday as I made my way into work that afternoon, I was just tired. I hated the work.

Regularly, I felt like a failure or like I was not accomplishing enough of what I could with my potential or the education below my belt.

I walked into the building and headed into the staff room.

My co-worker Bernice, was filling out some paperwork.

I said hello and we got chatting.

“I cannot wait for Friday so I can go on vacation with my family.

My husband and my kids are taking me to Orlando for my birthday”

she said.

“Aww thats really nice.

I bet you are excited”

I replied.

“I am beyond excited. It is the first time they have come together to do something for me like this.

I just want the week to speed by”

she chimed back.

The smile on her face said it all.

She was happy.

And I wasn’t.

I was happy for her but I wasn’t happy.

My children were too busy in their various lives and of course; I had no husband. 

Well, technically I do but only in the title, not in the presence.

But that was not something that I dwelled on too much.

It was my reality and more importantly, it was my past. 

And part of my reality was that my birthday was a month away and my own children most likely had nothing planned.

My shift was about to start in 6 minutes and when my co-worker Greig walked into the room and said,

“Did you guys get your checks yet?’

I replied and said,

“No, I didn’t get a chance to last week.”

I got up and headed into the accounting room. I stopped and asked Lacy for my check, she looked through a folder and handed me an envelope with my name on it. 

I opened it up I looked straight at the bottom line to see how much I had made in that pay period.

I was shocked as the amount was less than I had calculated.

Significantly less.

I asked Lacy why it was so low, she said,

“You’re going to have to ask Rob”

I rolled my eyes and walked into my supervisor Rob’s office and said,

“Hi Rob, I was looking at my paycheck and I noticed it was lower than what I worked last week.

What happened to the overtime pay?”

He looked up from his desk and said,

“Oh, we processed that separately. It should come in a separate check.

Talk to Lacy tomorrow.”

I felt better and sure my money was coming. I said,

“Thank you”

I was about to leave when Rob said, 

“I’m glad you came to talk to me. I was going to speak to all staff individually before the all staff meeting on Wednesday. We are cutting back. 

As you know the state approved automated toll stations a few months ago, so we are phasing out staff. 

Starting next week, there will no longer be overtime and as you know, your position will be completely discontinued once all the installations are completed in 3 weeks”

I swallowed hard. That development was a hard pill to take.

The overtime was the crux of what we lived by.

I had always known that I would have to look for a new job. I just didn’t think that I had to give up the overtime opportunity that I was getting. I really didn’t have an answer for what I was going to do next.

 I just knew I had to do something; fast.

I nodded and quietly left the room. 

I tucked my check in my bag and placed it in my locker. I ran out onto the freeway and made my way to my station.

It was those hours before rush hour and I just sat there. 

The things about my job was that it was so mechanical that I just sat there and collected money, gave change and sat in my thoughts.

Sometimes, some of the drivers would say hello as they handed their cash to me but most times people just wanted to be on their way.

I respected that as it gave me time to think.

That day, I just sat there and pondered. 

It had been 7 years since I left Nigeria with my three children.

I had left a comfortable life but I was being physically and sexually abused daily.

It had gotten to a point where I had to leave. So I worked it out with the help of my very good friend and after a few months of secret planning.

I left my husbands house with my three kids aged 17,14 and 10 at the time.

They thought we were travelling to Abuja for a wedding and did not realize we were coming to America till we stopped over in London’s Heathrow airport.

My children were my priority and the older they got, I couldn’t allow them to witness what I was going through.

The sacrifices I had to make for my children now seem to have gone unnoticed.

My oldest, now 24, hates me even though all my children had constant contact and interactions with their father.

He questions why I left the “good life” to struggle in the States.

I have never blamed him because I never told him what I truly went through. I would never want my children to think their father was not a good father to them.

My younger two, both girls are interesting cases. One was on the verge of graduating from college as the other was preparing to go in a few months.

They seemed to be doing fairly okay but sometimes I just wondered if they would soon turn like their older brother. I used to always pray that “America wouldn’t change them” like people always claimed it did when children moved out here.

I prayed everyday for a miracle or breakthrough in my life. 

I was so tired of struggling and putting my children through hardship.

I went back into balancing mode as I tried to figure out where the money for my daughter’s college trip to New York was going to come from.

It had already cost a fortune to send out all the college applications and now she needed money for some college trip with her friends.

One thing I always made sure of was that my children never felt like they were less than or they didn’t have enough.

If it was important, I would make sure they could be a part of it or attend.

And I celebrated all their birthdays with great happiness.

It was around those days that I felt some level of reward for leaving their father.

He was a wealthy man and sometimes I would begin to wish I was still connected to him so my children didn’t struggle.

But my pride was worth more than anything he had.

There was a lesson, I wanted my children to learn from my leaving their father.

Money couldn’t and should never buy love or respect. 

I closed my shift 4 hours early. There was no overtime, so I was able to leave earlier.

On one hand, I was glad that I got to leave early because it meant that I could sleep a few hours before having to go to my other job later at night.

Normally, I only got a couple hours at home before having my youngest child drop me off at my other job.

She would then pick me up in the morning and we would switch off using the car. I would drop her off at school and go to my job at the tolling station, pick her up during my lunch break in the late afternoon and then have her drop me back to work.

It was a rotation that worked seamlessly for months and was made easier because she had finished up her credits early, so she didn’t have to be in school a lot during her senior year.

That day, we didn’t have the switch because I had the doctors appointment early in the morning. I left work that day feeling uncertain as I drove home but things were already set in motion beyond my dreams and I had no idea.

…….

If you’re new to the blog, Welcome to 19th series on #WhatTheHeckMan!!! There are a ton of stories.

From Turbulence, Pains, Faded, Blurred, Triangle of Revenge, Scarred, The Wordsmith, Fallen Heights, Homeless, Amnesia, Mirage, Savages, Selfish, Imperfect, Trapped, Empty, Remote Control and of course the legendary; Undercover Player. 😊

If you want to read up on them, there is a link here. Click on that and it will take you to the links for each one.
The WhatTheHeckMan Library: http://wp.me/p3GjtC-m4 via @adewus4real
Enjoy and also check out the #WhatTheHeckMan Playlist!!!!

Get to know The Wordmith better in Behind The Writer: http://wp.me/p3GjtC-hW

…….

Anytime after 4pm was chaos at out apartment complex. 

Finding parking was impossible.

I circled for about 7 minutes before I finally found a spot. I squeezed my car into the spot and began the long walk to our unit.

It felt like I parked in Africa and was walking to Washington DC.

I was so tired too. 

I walked to the mailbox right in front of our building and opened it up.

The mail had not been taken for a few days.

I stood there and scanned through them.

Separating bills, coupons and looking out for my daughters college responses.

I was going through them when I noticed the envelope from Columbia University in New York.

Unlike most parents that I saw on television that waited for their children to open the letters themselves. I began to open it.

Her success was my success and her failure was my failure too.

I couldn’t wait to find out.

I pulled out the paper on the inside and fleshed it out.

It read,

“Dear Amanda Akala,

I am pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into the School of Engineering and Applied Science at Columbia University for the Fall 2014 program.”

I squealed and started running to the house shouting.

“Hallelujah!”

The joy in my heart knew no bounds.

I kept on shouting as I ran up the stairs.

“Amanda! Amanda! God has done it o!”

I even burst out in song as I opened the front door. I began dancing around the living room singing

“He has done it for me…. He Has done it for me”

A popular Nigerian Praise and Worship song.

Amanda was nowhere to be found. But I didn’t notice as I kept on dancing.

I stopped temporarily to catch my breath as I called out,

“Amanda! Come out na. God has done it!”

I began dancing again and slowly the bedroom that she shared with her sister opened and there she was.

My pride and joy. 

I was so happy.

“Amanda come and dance with me. Come and see what the Lord has done”

I kicked into another round. Swinging my tired hips from left to right as I weaved various local choruses together in praise of God and this thing that gladdened my heart.

And then it happened, just as Amanda reached me, Tyler a boy from her school that I had told she should no longer see or allow into my home. Walked out sheepishly behind her.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

I looked at him and then Amanda.

I didn’t even have the words to rain the curses I wanted to on his head.

You could tell that he hoped the ground would open up and swallow him.

In other circumstances, it would have been funny to watch but this was my daughter; my last hope at the life.

Her success was almost linked to that of the family.

Tyler said,

“Good evening ma’am”

I didn’t even realize it but I blurted out.

“Get out!

Get out now before I rain curses on your head. The devil wants to use you to derail my daughter. 

Get out!!!!!”

He ran. 

Oh he ran so fast with his undone fly.

I almost laughed as he tripped over himself while bolting out the door.

I turned over to Amanda and said,

“You!

You this girl. After everything we have been through. What were you doing with that boy in my house?”

I was about to kick in a gear of insults when my phone began to ring.

I stopped mid sentence and turned. My bag was in the corner of the room as I had thrown it in the happy chaos that seemed like a distant memory now.

I picked up my phone and looked at the number.

It read “Unknown”

I normally didn’t pick up “Unknown or blocked numbers” because their father used to harass me years back trying to force me to come back to Nigeria.

I answered and said “hello”

The voice on other end said,

“Hello Linda, it’s Dr. Fairborn. How are you doing?”

I relaxed a bit while still shooting the worst possible stink eye at a now tearful Amanda.

I replied,

“Hi doc. I’m okay.

How are you?”

He said,

“I’m okay. Is this a good time to chat?”

I replied and said

“Yes. I can talk”

He continued and said,

“Well, I got the results back and from what I see, we discovered some tumors around your ovaries 

And it looks aggressive this time.

The good thing is their treatable but the bad news is that the procedures can be very expensive and take a lot of time. I know you’re a busy woman, so I’m open to working with you around what works best but we need to get you in as soon as possible.

The sooner, the better.”

I didn’t realize that I was crying.

Amanda would tell me later that I just started crying.

I ended the call with the doctor and slowly walked back to the couch. 

I sat down and began to cry profusely.

Amanda walked over to me and said,

“Mom are you okay? Is everything okay?”

In my teary eyes, I looked over to her. 

She could see it in my eyes.

Everything was okay. 

She reached her hands around me and hugged me.

Another set of tears flowed. 

End of Part 1

Please pray for all those that are seeking the face of God for healing. Particularly my friend C.O’s mother. 

I just found out about her situation a few days ago and I decided to dedicate this story to her, her family and God’s wondrous work of healing that he will perfect in their lives.

Say a quick prayer for her and anyone else you know that needs his touch. May he always protect you and yours too.

Thank you and come back for Part next Saturday. 

From The Wordsmith, it’s #WhatTheHeckMan

As always, please don’t forget to leave a comment.

Give me feedback. How did this make you feel? 

COMMENT!!! 

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for The Cradle starting next week.

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Photo-1

Some Days the Rain May Fall by Kim Churchill

The jig was up.

Rachel did it.

I was so relieved but heavy in the same breath.

The why was still unknown to us all but we were all curious to find out why it happened.

Mr Cornell looked at me with a smile on his face as we walked out of the room.

I still had this puzzled look on my face as I walked into the hallway.

Mr Ballazar looked at me and said,

“Mr Moka, we are truly sorry for the sustained inconvenience that this investigation has caused you.

I truly want to thank you for being cooperative with us.

You have my word that we will get to the bottom of this”

He concluded as he stretched out his hand. The handshake was limp.

I was still trying to gather myself.

Mr Cornell said,

“You wanna grab your stuff from the room that wasn’t gathered up or you want to wait with everyone else while they interview Rachel”

I didn’t reply. I just sat down in the hallway.

How could Rachel take Nora away from us?

My eyes were wide like they were being held in place.

I looked at Mr Cornell and said,

“When does my dad get in?”

He swung out his left arm and looked at the watch on his wrist and said,

“within the next couple of hours”

I replied,

“I’ll wait for him”

Mr Cornell said,

“Okay. I will speak to the department about your belongings we can take and find a way to get it to you before you leave.”

I nodded.

He walked away and a few seconds later, I got up.

I walked to the room where everyone was waiting. As I opened the door, I noticed Ballazar and another officer escorting Rachel out of the room.

She looked at me and I looked back at her.

She seemed surprised but how I was I to care what she thought.

I walked to my seat and sat down.

The vibe was different.

The looks were different.

They seemed to gather that if I was back, it meant that I wasn’t the one that did it.

I spoke to no one.

I still wanted to punch Bart in the throat but I just wanted my father to arrive and Rachel to be confirmed as the killer.

The wait was long, I was becoming impatient.

I got up and was about to exit the room when one of the officers in the room said,

“Sir, where are you going?”

I looked at him with disgust and replied,

“Detective Ballazar told me that I was allowed to wait in the hallway. So that’s where I’m going.”

The confidence and arrogance in my voice caused him to take a step back.

I opened the door and walked out of the room.

The seat I had made my own in the hallway was still open, I walked over and sat down.

I just wanted this rollercoaster to be over.

There were no answers yet.

No concrete answers.

There were still a lot of “whys” that needed answering.

There were two officers at the end of the hallway. Presumably there to prevent us from running away.

This investigation was unique.

We were on vacation far away from home and the officers could not risk anyone skipping town.

So almost every base was covered.

The door of the waiting room opened and Sai came out.

She said,

“Hey Sage”

“Hey”

I replied in my most solemn voice.

“How are you holding up?”

she asked,

“I’m not really sure. It’s been a mixture of emotions.

First I thought it was a murder, then I was accused and now they found out that Rachel did it”

Sai was shocked as she blurted out almost in a squeal,

“Rachel did it???”

she quickly covered her mouth as I looked to see if the officers in hallway had heard anything.

She whispered to me,

“Rachel did it?”

her eyes wide with surprise and in anticipation of my reply.

I responded and said,

“Well, there is footage showing her entering Nora’s room with a can of bleach. I think that says it all.

They are talking to her right now in there.”

Sai could not believe it.

“How? Why?”

She continued to ask.

I shrugged letting her know I didn’t have the answers to the same questions I needed answers to.

She turned to head to the bathroom when I said,

“Sai, I know you spoke to Nora before we all came here. Did she tell you what her big news was?”

Sai faced me as she dropped her head and then lifted it up as she said,

“She was in the process of being a surrogate for couple that couldn’t have kids.”

“What The Heck Man!”

It hurt just a little bit more.

……..

One of the officers in the waiting room with the rest of the gang came out.

He was holding a handbag and he walked into the room that was being used for the interrogations.

I wanted to find out what was going on.

There was a bit of noise coming from the room.

Rachel’s voice was raised,

I got up and walked to the door. I leaned on the wall as I listened through the walls,

“Yes we had a relationship but I would never kill her because of that.”

Detective Matthews said,

“We have footage that shows you heading into her room with a bottle of bleach. A ton of it was found in her system.

How do you explain that but that you drugged her?”

I heard someone I assumed was Ballazar say,

“Where is her purse?”

Rachel then said,

“Look through my phone. I got a text message asking me to come to her room with a bottle of bleach from Nora. That was why I took it there.

Because she asked me.

I loved Nora like everyone else.

I would never hurt her. I don’t know who wanted to hurt her but it certainly wasn’t me”

There was a pause in the room and I assumed it was because someone was browsing through her phone.

Shortly after there was some movement and steps. I stepped away from the wall quickly thinking that someone was coming of the room.

A few seconds passed by and no one came out.

I leaned back on the wall and heard Ballazar speaking to Max.

“I need you to verify that this message actually came from Nora’s phone. Was the phone ever recovered?”

he said.

I didn’t hear Max’s reply. I heard Ballazar continue.

“And why do we only have half the video footage?

How can I pin this thing on one of them if the video cuts out?”

Max replied audible enough for me to hear,

“The hotel manager said that on weekends, tape switches sides and reboots at about 2am.

If someone else went into her room that night, it’s not on tape and we may never know”

“Shit”

Ballazar cursed.

“We’re going to have to let them go. We can only keep them for 24 hours and it’s been way beyond that.

See if you can get me anything.

Anything.

Otherwise, they all have lives and our job gets a million times harder.”

I was about to peel off the wall and return to my seat when I heard my father say,

“Sage”

I turned and there he was with Mr Cornell standing next to him.

The door to the interview room opened and Max stepped out.

He seemed surprised that we were just standing there. He nodded respectfully and headed down the hallway and out of sight.

I smiled and said,

“Hello Father”

He barely responded. I just figured he was tired.

He looked over to Mr Cornell and said,

“So how soon can they be out of here?”

Mr Cornell was about to respond when the door to the interview room opened and Ballazar, Matthews, Rachel and one other officer walked out into the hallway.

Mr Cornell said,

“Well here is the man we all want to see…

Detective Ballazar, my client is ready to leave.

If you have an arrest to make, please do but we are ready to leave. My client has been very cooperative and they have our lives to return to”

Ballazar conceded defeat as he walked across to the waiting room and opened the door. Standing in the doorway, he said,

“Thank you all for your cooperation.

Our people will keep in touch with any developments.

We hope to find who did this and you all remain parties of interest until notified otherwise.”

Everyone in the room got up, ready to leave.

We all looked drained. It had been a long couple of days.

Hugs and goodbyes were due.

But it wasn’t fluid as it normally was over the years.

We were missing a key part of us. And not all of us had come to terms with that.

It was a solemn goodbye.

To our trip and to our friend.

There was an air of the unknown as we began to put our luggage in our various cars. I shoved my suitcase into the trunk of my father’s rental. I didn’t even properly pack, I just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible.

We were about to get into the car when Max and Detective Ballazar ran out and stopped us.

Ballazar said out loud as some of the others put their things in the airport shuttle

“Ladies and Gentlemen, sorry to keep you again but I am requesting that you turn in your key cards to your hotel rooms.

It is true that there was a loop in the video but we realized that if someone actually went into Nora’s room to poison her, they would have needed a key and we can try to identify what keys were used.”

Everyone looked puzzled and then Bart said,

“That makes no sense.
Only the key to Nora’s room would have worked to enter her room and it could have been Nora entering and exiting her own room after the video was off. Couldn’t it?”

Ballazar smiled and said,

“You are definitely right but we are trying to account for everyone being in their own rooms.

If anyone stepped out of their rooms during the window we are speaking of, those people would be our focus. They would have needed to use their own keys to return into their own rooms”

That made sense.

That really made sense. Slowly people began to reach for their own keys.

I couldn’t find one of my keys but so did a few people. Who would have thought to keep their hotel keys in light of what was ruled as a murder?

Up until Rachel was spotted with the bottle of bleach, it was never concretely confirmed as a murder but I had thought too, why was it never considered to have been a suicide?

Couldn’t Nora have taken her own life after all?

What if everything was overwhelming for her and she decided to end it all?

Yes, the whole idea of her being a surrogate suggested that she was full of life but people have taken their lives with less at stake.

None of that would matter though as Bart turned the entire investigation on its head as he said

“I can’t find my keys and this is stupid. I’m leaving”

We all turned and looked at him.

No one expected that and his tone sounded like that of someone with something to hide.

What The Heck Man was in order but we were all now suspecting him, where were the answers going to come from?!

…….

I was sure it was the last roll of the dice for Ballazar and his people.

But it didn’t work. There weren’t enough keys retrieved and Ballazar had to finally let us go.

And this time for real.

Goodbyes again and by now, we were really exhausted.

I climbed into the passenger’s side of the car and my father started the car.

I let out a deep sigh.

I just wanted to be home and back in my apartment.

In my own bed.

In my space.

Alone.

We climbed the turn pike and headed onto the highway. My father had said nothing so far, so I spoke,

“Dad, you know you didn’t have to come down right?

We had it all figured out”

My father said nothing and continued to drive.

This took me back to days as a child where I would get in trouble at school and my father would say nothing the entire ride home.

He would then chastise me and then dish out my punishment at home but these were two grown men here.

I didn’t even need to be in the same car with him.

“Dad, you’re not going to say anything?”

I said.

He went a few more yards and then he pulled over to the right shoulder of the highway.

He reached for the ignition and turned the car off.

Pressing the hazard lights, he turned to his right and said,

“Sage, I only have one question.

Did you do it?”

I looked him square in his eyes.

What?

What did I just hear?

How could he ask me that?

That rage began to build inside me again. What kind of a stupid question was that?

he continued and said,

“Before you get all angry, I would just like an honest answer.
So my conscience can be clear.

We both know what happened the last time we were in a situation like this and how long it took our entire family to get over it all.”

“You want to fucking bring that up!

You could have said something but you didn’t. You did not!”

My voice was raised as I pointed my finger in his face as cars fizzed past us.

“Me?!

What was I supposed to do?

Give you up?!

Give my own son up?!

You were everything I had left”

He replied.

“No, you idiot.

You should have confronted her and left her when I first told you that she was cheating,

instead of acting like a ball-less bitch that you are and said nothing!

….. I was the one coming home to her everyday with another woman in our house.

She acted like I was stupid or like I wouldn’t figure that she was in love with another woman because that stuff is not common?

You could have stopped all of that by confronting her and leaving her ass but your bitch ass didn’t say anything like you won’t say anything this time around.

Yes, I drugged her fucking bitch ass….

She came to have sex with me and in the same fucking bed, she was writing in her stupid journal on her phone that she was sleeping with other parties in the group.

That is disrespect and I am a man. I will never be disrespected.

She had to go.

She had disrespected me for years. Enough was enough!”

My dad just stared.

I think he was partly in shock because of how loud I was screaming but also what I had just said.

He finally gathered the words to say,

“So you killed another innocent person?

Because you felt they disrespected you?”

Even though I was panting and trying to catch my breath, my response was calmer,

“Mom disrespected our family with her stupid acts. This girl felt like she could ridicule me in front of people for years.
So I handled it.

You didn’t.

I drugged her and the rest was history.”

His eyes filled with shame. His head dropped.

I continued and said,

“That day, I walked in and the stupid woman, I forget her name tried to play off the fact that she didn’t just finish fucking my mother.

They were fucking when I got home from school that day like many days before.

I had it. So I snuck into her room and used the syringe I had gotten from a friend while exploiting some drugs. All I needed was a deadly mixture of Hydroxycitronellal (a tropical base found in perfumes) and a bug killer solution. Both things that the police would have easily believed she would have come in contact with in her day to day.
I stabbed the bitch and mom tried to fight me when she came out of her room. I punched her head and knocked her out then I injected her between her toes. She never woke up.

Done.

They had to go.

Nora always thought she was better than me. Better than us.

Well, she can’t think that anymore now can she?

You weren’t going to divorce mom because you thought she would take half of your stuff. Well, I did you a fucking favor!

You are welcome.

Now can we fucking go?!”

My father was overwhelmed with regret. I could feel it but at that point I was so angry I didn’t care.

He said,

“I was in the process of divorcing her.

They served her papers the day you killed them.

You are evil Sage”

I could see he was close to tears.

I replied,

“Evil?

You are just as bad because that day when I called you before I called the police, I told you all that had happened and you never said anything. Just like you are not going to say anything about this.

So shut your sorry ass mouth and let us go”

“Sage, what have I ever done to you for you to be this horrible to me?”

He said as a single tear streaked out his right eye behind his glasses

I smiled and said

“You never had a backbone. Mom had one stronger than yours, that’s why she thought it was okay to cheat on you.

Pathetic.

Men are not supposed to be weak and you sir are weak”

He turned and sat straight up in his seat. It was like a moving truck had run into him.

He looked devastated.

He slowly turned the key to start up the car. One more glance to his right, I could feel all respect he had for me disappear.

It felt like he had come out there hoping that he would be wrong about me being responsible for Nora.

His face looked like it did when I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder as a teen.

Powerless.

The cabin of the car was warm, so I wound the window and reclined my seat.

He merged back onto the highway and I closed my eyes.

I woke up about 30 minutes later to voices of people and we were at the airport. My father and I did not say goodbye to each other.

I just grabbed my bags and headed to my gate for my flight.

I went through security pretty easily and arrived at my gate.

Another short wait and we were boarding.

I felt myself finally relaxed as I sat in my seat.

No one had expected it but I was through.

My plan was to land in California and relax. My father was not the type to snitch on his child, so I felt pretty good.

I buckled my seat belt and waited for takeoff as the crew did their final cabin check.

My head was leaned back and my eyes were closed as I waited to hear the pilot announce that were about to takeoff.

The voice never came over the public system.

And suddenly I heard a familiar voice say,

“Mr Moka”

I opened my eyes and looked up, it was Detective Ballazar.

The jig was really up.

……

Some of you started supporting me when I only had 25views a week and now here we are. Thank you for all your support and as you have always supported me, I urge you to do the same for my friend A. 
She is talented, funny, real and very relatable. Show her some love guys!!!
CHECK OUT HERE BLOG AND LET HER KNOW #WTHM crew says hello!

…….

“How did they know it was you?”

Charles my new cellmate asked me.

“My father”

He looked surprised.

“I thought you said he was not the type to snitch?”

I smiled as I got up from my bed on the lower bunk. I stood up and said,

“I thought so too but apparently he called them right after we got to the airport that evening.”

Charles asked,

“Did he get jail time too for keeping your secret all those years?”

I shook my head and said,

“Nope.

He was their key witness. He claimed he was afraid for his life.

His testimony put me in here”

“Wow. Thats rough”

Charles said.

It was rough but it was life.

The bell rung and the guards walked the hallways saying,

“Stand by”

It was time for our single hour of the day in the yard. And then dinner.

Charles climbed down from the top bed he was sitting on and stood next to me in front of the door.

I looked over and said,

“What is someone as young as you doing in here anyways?

What you in for?”

He didn’t smile as he said,

“Murder, attempted murder and grand theft…”

I shrugged and said,

“True”

We waited and then Charles asked again,

“What happened to the rest of your friends from that weekend?”

I smiled and said,

“Many different stories and outcomes in life. Too much to tell.

How many years you got again?”

“23 before I can apply for parole”

he replied.

I responded as the doors automatically opened.

“Oh we got enough time then…”

Charles said,

“How much time you got left?”

I stepped into the hallway as it got crowded with other inmates and said,

“Three whole life sentences”

His face totally said it all. You know how it goes…. #WTHM

The End

Are you shocked? Upset? Caught off guard? Did you think it was someone else?
I have often found that in most situations, our biases, perceptions and reservations contribute to the opinions we form about certain things. Some of you might have thought Sage was the killer from the jump but the reality is that most of you didn’t.
Because of you views on love, “nice guys” and such but sometimes the answer is right in front of you and other times, you have to dig for answers. (NOT GOING THROUGH HIS PHONE!!!)
There are Sage’s out there, pretending to be people they are not and such. There are other people like Rachel, Bart, Nora but there are also people like Sage’s father who see things and keep quiet.
Suffering in silence if you will.
There are abusive manipulators and liars out there. Avoid them when you can but if you ever get caught in the web of one and make it out, help someone else.

Nora would probably be alive if Sage’s father had spoken up.
Silence can be it’s own death.
Speak up when necessary, you never know who life or who’s heart it might save.
Thank you for reading once again. The Faded series was a step out of my comfort zone and I believe it was received well, so thank you all that commented and those that will comment and share.
Please TWEET about Faded 4. Share the ART. Grow the #WhatTheHeckMan family.
You. Are. Amazing.

Thank you for everything.

                                                                                                                                                         The Wordsmith

Give me feedback. How did this make you feel? Talk to me about Faded 4 or the entire series.

COMMENT!!! 

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Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for New Series starting next week.

© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan

Uncategorized

A Mother’s Love

A Mother’s Love

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Fifemayo by Pepenanzi

To Mother,

For the first time

Our stages coincided 

Sunrise

Into your eyes I found love

Before self discovery 

You would hold my hand as I wrote my story

Being in love with you was all the history I had

O’ Mother

……

Like an vhs cassette

I have ejected myself out of your love

Pretended like being in your care wasn’t home

Rebelling against you and hurting myself

A stubborn young man

I tried to navigate life without the safety of your love

Like a trusty navigation system

You helped me avoid potholes

Re routed around traffic

You alerted when the storm was near

And gave me reason to go out in the world without fear

I pray love on you mother

……

Times have changed

My beard is now flourishing 

And I get too busy

But I am still no one without your touch

Your blessings

I still crave the warmth in your love

Even as your words chasten me

They have moulded me

Into a version I can be proud to say is yours

I know I have hurt you

It must have hurt more

Like hitting your pinky toe on the corner of your new settee

The screams are internal

Like when I moved inside of you as a fetus

No one will understand a mothers pain

And sometimes I act like you are the pain

But without your love

My life is not the same

Mother

……

I didn’t just realize all this today

But I’ve been trying to find the right words to say

I love you

In a meaningful way

Needing you is not something I can deny

And fear of you pushing me aside

Breaks my heart

I cannot imagine a day without a prayer from you

To you 

I owe much of me to you

Everything in truth

I sometimes fail to show you how much I love you

Or how much you mean to me

But what I am here trying to say today is

Mother, you are everything

My everything

Without you

There is nothing

So today and everyday I forget to say or show it

Please know that I love you

Unconditionally

More than anything I can ever find

Thank you for loving me

Wholeheartedly.

Written in June 2015.

People have sometimes joked and called me a “mama’s boy”. I find that term very interesting to understand considering that I feel like she’s mad at me half the time.

Like she is right now.

But I wrote this to remind her of the love I have for her. My journey with her.
Her influence in me.
My realization that only one person can love me more than she does. Ever.

I started to think of the idea of “unconditional love”.

There is a bond between a child and a mother that withstands much of life’s tests. But what prevents that love from being recreated within different interactions and relationships.

The love a mother has is one that never gives up and even if it does, it has to be in the most extreme of circumstances.
Today, we are so quick to give up. On people, relationships, dreams and love.
I have been extremely frustrated with my friends or situations before but I find it hard to give up. Like the pull within me to give up on someone I love is so hard.

I always ask, would I want someone to give up on me?
And the answer is always a resounding NO.
I have a forgiving personality. I let things go. But I realized over the last few months that I havent always truly let things go.

When a child offends, a mother chastises and then moves on. It may be slow but eventually, she moves them along.
I feel like people need more of that.

What is that thing that is holding you from giving love that stands the tests of situations?
Understand that thing and work on it.

It seems trivial but letting someone know that you will never give up on the love you have for them, is a helpful step in them loving themselves.

This concept of love can be discussed from now till Jesus comes but make it your duty to love everyone like they are your own.
Forgive when you can, admonish when necessary, support always, pray without ceasing and love unconditionally.

It’s WordsOfWednesday.

Look out for Faded 4 on Saturday and PLEASE SHARE!!!!!!

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The End

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Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for Part 5 of Pains; this Saturday.

© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan