Art · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Oakland · Sex · Uncategorized

Ruins 4

Ruins 4


Body by Niia


Tony and I had been driving down from a friend’s party and we were arguing in the car.

“Tiff, you know this is dumb right?”

he said

I replied

“You think how I feel is dumb?

How am I not surprised???

You’re always trying to minimize how I feel”


He cut in again as he made a turn at the traffic light and said

“I’m not saying you’re not allowed to feel that way but I’m saying why is this a thing right now? I told you I hadn’t even seen her in over three years!”

I looked over and yelled back

“It doesn’t matter!

Whatever. Just don’t talk to me!”

He sighed and continued driving without responding to me. We sat there in awkward silence as we made our way home. A few minutes had passed and he still wasn’t talking to me so I yelled out

“So you’re really not going to say anything?!”


He turned towards me and had this puzzled look on his face that basically said

“This chick is CRAZY!”

He pulled over to the side of the road and he stepped out. He walked around the car to my side and then he got down to my sitting level and gave me a big hug. I was kind of confused but it seemed to calm me down a bit.

He kissed me on my cheek and said

“You’re so cute”

He walked back around to the driver’s side of the car and entered.

I knew he had nothing to do with the girl. I was just being a pain. Well, I just wanted his attention and for him to hear me out. I had seen the whole interaction between the two of them.

The girl arrived at the party and she came to say hi to him. He even introduced me to her as his girlfriend but I still felt a way about it.


I think I felt a bit threatened because they had been together for 5years before we got together. I think I felt like their connection might have been stronger than ours.

Explaining it now, I think I was just being childish but the point is Tony almost always managed to stay cool.

After all he had just done, I made an ill-timed joke that set him off. It was one of the few jokes I ever made that rubbed him off the wrong way.

I said

“You’re over here kissing me when she’s probably over there plotting how she’s going to win you back”

I had a smile on my face as I turned to look at him and he had a heart-piercing glare.


Then he said

“why would you even say that?”

I knew I was wrong but I was too stubborn to admit it. So I continued as I said

I can’t make a joke anymore?!

You know it’s only not funny to you if you know it’s true!”

“True??? True???

Are you freaking serious right now???”

He was heated and then he went off on a rant. Just calling out all my wrong doings he could remember. For a few minutes, he just went off!

I was silent and in shock at his reaction. And he kept going off until a police officer who had pulled up behind us, came over to my side of the car.

He waved us down and I rolled my window down. Tony was huffing and puffing.


The officer asked if we were okay and if I was safe.

He asked Tony to step out of the vehicle, which he did.


They walked to the back of the vehicle and Tony was asked to sit on the pavement. The officer was speaking him to just like I was being interrogated when I was picked up from the school.

That was the closest I had ever gotten with the law, until today.


 So miss, could you disclose your whereabouts from lunchtime at the school yesterday?

I took a deep breath and said,

“I would like my lawyer please”

The detective sat back in his seat and said

“Well, that might lead me to thinking you had something to do with it?”


I shrugged.

He said

“Your attitude right now is going a long way to conveying your innocence. You’re totally working it”

I looked at him and smiled

“You guys came down to my job to get me. I have cooperated fully and I am seated here while you try to assume I am not being honest.

So I won’t be answering anymore questions till my lawyer gets here.”

I relaxed in my seat as he scoffed and got up to leave.

I began to think to myself. How was this all happening then?

How on earth did I become a suspect?

I figured that my looking into the kid on the database and my connection to his father might have given them reason for concern.

I wanted to explain what had actually happened but I didn’t trust the system; the same one that failed to bring my Tony’s killer to proper justice. I was not going to leave myself vulnerable for them.


I felt I was doing a fair job in regulating myself when the door opened. It was the detective, he had this assured look about him as he sat down across from me and said

“Ms Sanders, if I were you, I would have spoken up earlier because right now, it might already be too late for you.

I just got word from the hospital; the boy is dead”


I slumped back into my seat. I felt like I had been punched countless times in my stomach.

It literally felt like the wind was knocked out of me.


He leaned in across the table and said

 “Now is when you start talking, you just went 0-100. From a few years in jail to the rest of your life on a murder charge. Lawyer or not, I would start talking”

I looked up at him with no words to pass through my open mouth. This was not how this was supposed to go.

He was not supposed to die.

All I could think was What The Heck Man


There was so much fear in me. All the worst thoughts were going through my mind.

What was I now supposed to say?

How was I meant to defend myself?

I finally gathered the words


“I didn’t do it.

And you know I didn’t do it. Yes I looked up the kid because his father killed my fiancé and useless officers of the law like yourself did nothing about it.

So instead of accusing me of being a killer, how about you go and bring the actually killers to justice???”


I had just finished when the door opened and my lawyer walked. I was washed with relief.

I looked up at him as he handed a sheet of paper to the detective and said


“My client is done here.

This is the blood work from the hospital on the little boy. The report states that he was hospitalized due to a severe allergic reaction to what he ate at another child’s house after school.
The school obviously did not serve it to the child and my client had nothing to do with it. So if there is nothing else, we’d be leaving now”

He was surprised as he read scanned the paper over. Then he said

“Give me a minute. I need to confirm this”

he got up and exited the room, shutting the door behind him. My lawyer sat down and said

“Sorry about all this Tiffany, how are you holding up?”

I was still surprised by the boy’s death but I scoffed and replied

“Much better since you got here”

He smiled as he set his briefcase on the ground and said

“Don’t worry you’ll be out of here any moment.”

I looked at him and fed off his confidence but I was still concerned

“So what happened to the boy?”

I asked.

“Apparently he…”

The door swung open and the detective walked in and said

“Story checks out. You’re free to go”

I looked at my lawyer and then back at the detective as I rose from my seat. I walked out of the door.

When we got to the lobby, he offered to give me a ride home and I was about to accept the offer and then I noticed Chris.

Chris was Tony’s partner when they were working on their project. I hadn’t seen him in 5years.

“Hello Tiffany”

I just stood and stared.


 “Oh my God!

How long has it been Chris?”

I exclaimed as I stepped back from the hug I gave him.

He continued to smile sheepishly. Like that look you have on your face when your grandpa who speaks a language you cannot speak asks you why you never call.

“It’s been a minute, I know. Do you have a minute, so we can catch up?

I can drop you off at home if you don’t mind”


How would I?

Tony saw Chris as a brother. He was practically family to me.

“Sure thing!”

I got into the car and we drove towards my house. The conversation was light as we got caught up. We talked careers, life post Tony for both of goals, upcoming plans, such and us.

We pulled up in front of my place. Chris reached for the ignition and turned the car off.

He rolled down the window and began by saying

“I know you have spent a lot of time in the past few years trying to make sense of it all.

But I’m here to shed some light onto certain things”

I was listening so attentively now with my eyes glued to his lips.

He continued

“5years ago, while Tony and I went over to meet with the council members for the preliminary meeting before we presented our proposal.

At that meeting, even though we had taken into account all their requests, they completely shut down our proposal.

Tony and I were furious. As we were leaving the hall that evening, we were called into a private meeting with some of the policy makers. It was in that meeting that Tony and I were told to remove and replace certain things in our proposal for it to pass.

Tony and I initially disagreed but they were very clear in letting us know that without the changes, all our work would be in vain.

I understood Tony’s frustration after all, we had poured our hearts and souls into it.

He was pissed even more because their asking us to modify the plan to fit their agenda highlighted the fact that they knew it was the right plan.”

Chris paused and looked at me before continuing

“I spent the next roughly six weeks trying to convince Tony to change his mind. I kept trying to let him know that all we needed to do was at least get into the room first and then over time, we could demand more. 

Tony wasn’t having it. He wanted a fair shot he deserved in implementing change.

I spoke to one of the policy makers where I expressed Tony’s reluctance to compromise.

It was a few days later that Tony was gone.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand what had happened.”


I now had a concerned look on my face. Why is this sounding like Chris had something to do with Tony’s murder? I thought to myself

He continued


“I had agreed to just roughen him up a bit. Carlos?

Yeah, that’s where he came in.

What happened next we have both lived with for years.

But I got tired of fighting the system. All my life’s work and some people would still not let us sit at the table. I had to join them.

I regret it everyday because we lost Tony.

And I know Carlos did it but it is one of the prices paid in life, he might never directly pay for it but it’s happened”


I was stunned.

I had thought of various scenarios for years. Continuously, I was asking questions and trying to understand how Tony was a target that night.

And here was Tony’s partner telling me he had a hand in it! After everything I had been through. I was angry.

I opened the door and got out.


I was walking up my driveway as my eyes began to fill up. I knew I was going to cry and then I heard him say


I stopped and slowly turned around and he said

“Don’t try to be a hero and go up against them. They are very powerful people and connected in high places. How do you think I knew you were at the station? 

You have some closure when it comes to Tony now.

Let him go and move on with your life”

Who did he think he was to be giving me advice?

I turned around and began walking up the driveway again.

My eyes were swollen. I was fiddling with my keys to my place and then I just broke down.


I just sat down on the floor and the tears streamed down my face.

.   .   .   .   .

 It was a new week but the pain still lingered.

I was missing Tony even more no but more importantly, I could not shake off the words that Chris had said to me.

There was not a single way for me prove anything he had told me. I tried to muster the strength to fight the “system” but I knew it would probably wear me out or I would end up like Tony.

I had been shutting out the whole world for almost three days.

I returned to the school on the fourth day. I had called the principal to inform him that I was quitting. I could not risk the possibility of the incident with the kid following me while I tried to work.

That day I took the bus as usual, making my usual stop at the cemetery before heading to the school.


When I arrived at the school, I chatted with some of the teachers as the kindergarteners played in the yard.
I observed while I waited for the principal to attend to me.

And then it happened, when I least expected it.


One of the little girls ran across the yard towards her friend. While she was running, another boy was running towards a separate point.

All the adults watching saw what was about to happen like a director in the cut. And then boom!

They smashed into each other. The girl coming off worse and bruising her knee, she immediately began crying.

She got up and walked over to the teachers and reported the incident to us.

She was crying as a little ice pack was applied to her knee. And while she was still being attended to, she became restless and wanted to get back to playing.

A few seconds later, off she was, pulling some other kid to play a game or something. She was hobbling a bit but her heart was set on having a great time again.

That was when I knew what I needed to do. It had been enough time and I had to let Tony go. Just like that little girl did not allow the pain cripple her.


The bell went off shortly after and the principal emerged from his meeting with my belongings.

We talked for a bit. The school had just buried the young boy that died.
We briefly talked about the burial and having to close school for two days to have it. I asked him for the location of the burial site incase I ever wanted to pay my respects.

I informed him that I was taking the time off to refocus myself and fall in love with service again. I also let him know that I would be considering writing all the happenings but I wasn’t sure what that would even look like.

He thanked me for all my work and service. I was wrapping up with him when Michael called me.

“…at the school.”

I said as he asked about my whereabouts

“Can I come and pick you up?”


he asked hopeful. This was the first call I had answered since talking with Chris.

“Yes Michael, yes you can.”

I smiled as I ended the call.

He arrived about ten minutes later and I got into the car.

We greeted each other and then I asked him

“Can you please take me somewhere?”

He agreed and within minutes we were pulling up to the cemetery. I got out of the car and walked to a spot so familiar to me.

I stopped in front of it and I smiled as I spoke

“You gave me hope when all I had known was pain

You came into my life and after you’ve left

It hasn’t been the same

You showed me love in a new way

With each day I wish I could have done the same

But that is the testament to how great you were

Your impact was more important to you than the reward

Even if you weren’t there


I hope your heart hears me as I cry

And I pray you continue to watch over me from afar

My love for you will never die

And I can promise to never try

But today I let you rest

You will always have a chunk of my heart

But I have to let you out of my chest

Through you

Life put me to a test

I am grateful

No matter What The Heck Man

You will always be my best

Thank you for loving me”

I wiped the bit of tears that were forming and dripping out of my eyes. I turned around and walked back to the car.

I arrived and opened the door, as I sat down, Michael asked

“Everything good?”

I was trying to fight back my tears. I began wiping of my tears when I realized that I was still clutching the scarf; the one Tony gave me on the night we first met.

I stared at it for about 30 seconds before I yanked the door open and I began running back into the cemetery.
I could hear Michael behind me yelling my name

“Tiffany…. Tiffany!”

I kept running. The wind in my hair, the tears on my face; I ran.

A few turns and I was there.

Now I was fully crying as I got down on my knees and I wept.

I felt a huge release flush out of me. It needed to happen.

I placed the scarf on the tombstone. I kissed my hand and touched it on the head of the tombstone. I turned around to walk away but then I looked back one last time. The headstone read

“Albert Reira


He deserved to rest in peace too.

The End

Life throws curve balls all the time. You can build up the best castle and somehow life turns it down to mere rubble.

But do you sit there and let it cause you to wobble and struggle?

Or will you stand up and show the world you are able?

I wrote the “Ruins” series for those with plans. Those who feel they have struck out from the repeated curve balls life throws at them.

It is not always down to you. Sometimes you have done all you need to do. And you should be getting all you deserve but things happen.

Also be wary of people like “Chris” in your life. They seem to want to build the same with you but do they.

Be careful for those whole claim to be foremen on your project but are secretly orchestrating your downfall. Cutting corners to greatness is settling for a legacy that won’t stand time.It took Tiffany five years to get over the situation around Tony but she did. Today, I challenge you to start rebuilding today. Rebuild from loss, heartbreak, betrayal, depression, loss of jobs, changes in career, uncertainty. BUILD ANEW.

Find the right cornerstone and start building. Pull from the rubble if need be, create the castle of your dreams and do not be stuck being a homeless tenant to your Ruins.


Give me feedback. How did this make you feel? Talk to me about Ruins 4 or the entire series.


Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for New Series starting next week.

© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WordsofWednesday · Art · Life · Oakland · Poetry · Uncategorized




Yours (CoverSeason) by La Braya

When I wailed

You toiled away

This is not your fault

But now he beats on me

And I want to run

But I remember the words you spoke

Now matter the feelings it evokes

Your home is your home

I’m applying a bit more

To cover up my scars

Bruises and deep scars

I kept in giving it one more try

Staying strong

I wouldn’t cry

But you where nowhere to hold my 


Who knew I was meant to text her when she got home

I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to enjoy being alone

That I am meant to appreciate her more than her giving me some

Now I’m in love

But telling her is not an option

So I’ll select none of the above

Let me continue to hide behind my pride

Taking my failures in stride

But never really learning anything

I was told that I was allowed to leave after 15 minutes

If the professor didn’t show

It’s been 15years

I have waited so long

My chest hairs began to grow


I would FaceTime

Yet you would text back

Returning home with a heavy heart

I just wanted you to whisper in your deep voice

Comfort sounds

Truly capturing me in the love I thought we shared

But hours would pass

Nights would count on

And we continued to grow apart

This was not what we wanted from the 


I appreciate you

Always being there

Even when you’re not here

Our friendship has grown

You are my best

It was such a great ride

You became the first

In my heart

In my thoughts

With you I was secure

And then suddenly you told me you wanted more

And over time you would still come over

But you were gone


I just can’t seem to stay

When it gets tough

I run

Because I believe I have no one

I heard of your legend

But daddy I needed your presence

I am supposed to raise a son

But I keep waiting for you to drop out the sky

From behind the sun

But I have continued to realize

The longer I wait

The more I get burned

So I’m going inside where I think it’s safe

At least in there I can’t get hurt

Out here that’s not the case

You cannot protect me out here

You haven’t really protected me anywhere

Please make sure to download my latest #WhatTheHeckMan Rant 2/25. It is super funny!

Many of us are fostered by the world today. 

My condolences to those who have lost parents. I pray you find peace and they rest in peace.

I wrote this piece a few weeks ago but in light of thinking about how many of us are raised by the “system”

I work very closely with foster families and I see what the lives of these kids look like.

Recently I said “fall in love with condoms you cannot fall in love with your kids”.

You might not catch the direct meaning of that statement but the truth is many of were not raised by our parents. They were “absent ” one way or another.

Some were physically present but emotionally unavailable. There are some today who grew up in the same households with their parents but have no relationship.

This is not to say that the parents are horrible people. I am just of the opinion that if you decide to bring children into the world. It is your duty to be everything and more for them.

I was raised by my grandparents for the most part, my parents in the States working to give us the best education and such but there are certain lessons that you can truly only get from a relationship with a parent.

My relationships with my father and mother are phenomenal today but I count myself lucky.

There are some who never get the chance to learn from their guardians.

I have seen many broken relationships and derailed lives because they do not know a way of being. One of the most important things with children is being able to model things to them.

When no one is there to model, who do you learn from?

Where do you learn to follow through, patience, growth, importance of hardwork and where do you get a first hands on look at love?

There are men out there today that cannot love today because they never saw their father show love to their mothers. There are women who cannot seem to be grounded because they had unstable mothers.

Now people boyfriends and girlfriends are doubling as the parents they never had.

We see it on Twitter and IG everyday, the society is “raising” a lot of people. And it shouldn’t be that way. From lessons on etiquette to lessons on love, social media and society are now the tutors.

I always ask you to ask yourself how you’re doing. Today, I challenge you to be there for someone. Even if no one was present for you.

Start to think about your life and future. Work toward being physically present and also emotionally sound for those that love you.

You don’t want the world teaching your child or friend, how to be become themselves.

Choose to be present.

RUINS 4 on Saturday. It will be a fantastic one! 

Stay Up!


The End

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for part 4 of Ruins; this Saturday.

© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan

Art · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Oakland · Sex

Ruins 3

Ruins 3


 Follow @adewus4real on  download

Numb by Niia





I weaved through each emotion trying to navigate the depths of them. I was trying to stay focused as my classroom filled up with my students.

I was distracted.

I began to think about the case. The developments that happened around that time still remained vivid in my memory.

I assigned some group work to my students and I sat back at my desk.

The class worked as I sat there and wondered.

Questions flooded my head.

“Could it really be his son?”

“How?” “Why?”

 That boy was a beautiful boy. You know how certain people tell new parents that their children are cute but it isn’t always so.

This boy had a smile that would captivate any heart. So carefree and honest, it was a shame that he came to represent pain, sadness and loss in my life.

I couldn’t help but imagine if he was somehow connected to the killer, Carlos.

I began to imagine, how would he feel if he lost what mattered to him the most too?

Revenge thoughts have filtered through my head over the years but I had always been able to push it aside but today, I was feeling it in me.
Could it have been fate that caused me to end up meeting the boy?
Was I entitled to reacting?
Any feelings I had towards the boy were not his fault; they were Carlos’.

Even though Carlos was arrested that night around the crime scene and he ended up in jail, it was not because of the murder.

They somehow could not tie that to him. It seemed like everyone knew it was Carlos that did it but nobody had any proof.

He was eventually busted on a felony drug charge a few months after his release. I was not satisfied with it but I viewed it as some form of closure.

Like the universe was ensuring that I would not go away empty handed?

Carlos was serving 10years but for the murder, he could have been put away for much more. Potentially 25years to life in prison but that didn’t happen.

I spent many nights wishing him dead and hoping that everyone in his family would never know peace but there was his son. Or so I thought he was.

I rolled over the mouse on my table and the laptop came alive.
I logged on and headed for the school’s database.

The database was double locked with a unique user id that stored your information whenever you logged in.
I searched his name and it came up. I pulled up his EIR (Enrollment Intake Record), this was a form that every student had to fill out at the beginning of every school year.

It had parent’s names, addresses, allergies, emergency contacts and other information like immunization records and such.
I line where it said

“Father’s name”

And it was blank.


I looked at his mothers name and it was filled out with her address and phone number.

I immediately copied her name and went to google.

I typed in her name

“Yzabella Domingues married to…”

And one of the web pages pulled it up. It read

“Yzabella Domingues and Carlos Reira married…”

That was it for me.
I got chills running down my spine. I

had the child of the man that murdered the love of my life somewhat in my care but I couldn’t do anything about it.

I was still surprised and somewhat confused when an emotion very familiar to me came over me.

Anger and then I went numb.

.     .     .     .     .

That Friday, with everything that was going on, I left work earlier than usual because it was a minimum day.

The students got out of school that day at 1:30pm instead of the usual 2:50pm. I headed into the parking lot and there was Michael standing next to his car.

He was in town for a few days.
We had planned to grab lunch before the things I had discovered and even though my mind was not in the best space, I felt that I needed to keep the “date”

After all, I figured that I might actually feel better from spending time with him and talking about things other than my current situation.

He gave me a big hug and said with a huge smile on his face

“You look even better every time I see you”

I smiled back as he held open the door for me to get in. I sat down and he shut it.
In the car, we began to catch up.

“How was your day?”

He asked with his left hand on the steering wheel and his other hand floating around from his lap to his beard and back.

For a quick second, I actually recognized that Michael was very attractive.

He was self assured, confident and always seemed to smile.

I guess I truly had a thing for men with beautiful teeth and accompanying smiles.

“My day was…. Ummm interesting to say the least”

As I remembered my interaction with the kid and my discovery

My phone buzzed. It was an email from the school.

I got tons of those all the time so I ignored it. After all, my weekend had begun.

He glanced over, smiled again and said

“I can imagine, working with all those kids.

I actually commend you; I assume it must take a lot of work to be an educator. Props to you”

I nodded as I soaked in the compliment. A bit more of small talk and we were pulling into the restaurant parking lot.

For whatever reason, I was just a bit more observant.

Ladies know what I’m talking about.

I was looking at his nails, his beard, the way the words flew off his tongue, his overall presence.

Something had clicked.

I remember clicking back into the moment as he finished calling out the order to the waitress.

“We’ll have the avocado rolls and the some water with lemon for the lady…”

I smiled and thanked him for calling the order.

We continued to talk as we waited for our food. The food arrived and we dug in.

The talking reduced as we ate, I remember him teasing me about always wanting to eat of other’s plates as I asked to try his food.

We had just finished the food when he sat back and said

“So… Tiffany, I asked you out today because I obviously wanted to get to stare at your beautiful face but I also wanted to discuss something kinda important to me.”

I looked at him expecting something drastic like he was expecting a baby or something and then he said

“I’m moving back.”

I smiled sheepishly not really knowing what that meant and he looked at me and smiled, then he said

“My company is branching out into providing top tier tutoring and mentoring services for youth. So we have bought a few programs in the area. The plan is to streamline the programs to serve all ages and even college services too. And I am in charge of getting it all going”

I wasn’t sure what it all meant but I was proud of him

“Michael, that’s really cool. Congratulations.

Wow, I’m so proud of you. You’ve always been the driver of great things anyway”

The waitress came with my glass of wine I had ordered and placed it on the table as he said

“Thanks dear. But that’s not all”

I looked at him like “what else?”

He smiled and said

“One of the biggest factors that allowed me to take the job is you. I want this… us.. to become more. I want to put more effort and time into being here for you”

I was smiling but I was nervous on the inside. It was a very sweet gesture but the truth was that I was hesitant because it meant that I had to let go of Tony.

I wasn’t sure I was ready for that just yet.

He looked at me and said

“You obviously don’t have to make any type of decision right now but I just wanted you to know before anyone else.”

I thanked him for the courtesy.

Then he said

“Oh! Remember Tony’s partner, Chris, we are working closely with him too.

Word came out the other day through the grapevine that some of the policymakers had hired people and paid bribes to prevent Tony and Chris’ programs from coming into voting back then.

Some of them are on indefinite suspensions while they are investigated.”

That changed my mood but I tried not to think about.
Maybe Carlos was one of the people hired by the policy makers? Was Tony murdered to prevent his work from going into effect?

I began to think about it because Tony’s work was actually put on hold for over a year after his murder.

That would answer the motive question perfectly after all these years but I still had no proof.

So it was all in my head.

Michael said

“Tiffany, you okay?”

I shook myself back and said

“Yes.. yes.. I’m good”

I actually flashed a smile. Somehow, this man was growing on me. I was worrying less when I was with him.

.    .    .     .     .

I have had a very emotional and overwhelming week. Been hugely in my feelings as I come to terms with certain realities and decisions I have made.
This has been my outlet. Writing for you all has given me something to look forward to. I hope you enjoy Ruins 3 and please comment. Your interactions keep me going. I swear.
it means so much to me. Thank you guys for sticking with me through it all.
#WhatTheHeckMan Crew

Download the songs for Ruins 1-3 here.

.     .     .     .     .

There was nothing special about this Monday. I had seen Michael again, the day before but that was about it.

My regular trip to the cemetery and I was on the way to work.

I got off the bus at my usual stop; a block from the school.

I turned into the coffee shop where I picked up a cup once in a while. About 5 minutes later, I emerged with my cup of white mocha.

The sun was out very early that day and it was very comforting and inspiring since we rarely got a lot of those in the area. I had Tony’s scarf was tied to the corner of my purse.

I walked into the school campus as I weaved through the cars and students being dropped off by various guardians and school buses.

I remember scanning my keycard to get into the back of the building. This side was only accessible by staff.

Up the stairs and I was standing in front of my class as my students flooded in. Faces glued to their cell phones and devices, I just watched in amazement as well all waited for the bell to go off.

The bell rung and phones began to disappear as their heads raised and they glued their eyes to me. I greeted the class as I said

“good morning class. How are you doing today?”

Many responded while some others were still glued to their phones.

“Okay let’s put everything away and get to work.

Kyle, please put your phone away.”

I said as I walked towards the window to open one of the blinds properly. The phone in the classroom rang, I turned and looked at it as the eyes of the students followed and glued to the phone.

These calls were usually to report that a student was running late, or coming through the hall to class, so that the teacher could look out for he or she till they made it to the classroom.

 “Everyone please pull out your history books while discuss the causes behind World War II”

I continued talking as I walked to the phone.

I picked up the phone and said


The voice on the other end was the principal

“Good morning Ms. Sanders.

Could you please come down to the office, there are some people here to talk to you”

“Oh okay. Who will be standing in for me here?”

I replied to him

“Ms. Beale is on her way there.”

He responded

I said okay as I placed the phone back on the receiver.

“Everyone, Ms. Beale will be here for a little while. I have to run down to the office to handle some stuff. Keep working on the WW2 project”

Right on cue as I turned to my left, Ms. Beale was standing in the doorway.

We exchanged pleasantries and I was on my way to the office.

I arrived at the principals office shortly after and as I walked in, I noticed two gentlemen sitting down in front of him.

They all stood up as I walked into the room. I noticed the men were dressed in suits and they introduced themselves.

“Detectives Walsh and Matherson”

I shook their hands as I sat down.

“Ms. Sanders, we are here because we wanted to ask you some questions regarding the recent incident that led to one of the students here, Albert Reira ending up in the hospital over the weekend. It was classified as a poisoning“

I just sat there and said nothing as he continued to explain. I glanced at the principal and then back at the detective speaking

“Due to the connection between the student’s father Carlos and your unsolved murder case of your fiancé. We looked into you a bit. And we noticed you accessed the student database to look up the student shortly before the incident
The fact that you also work so closely with the student, given the circumstances, you are viewed as a person of interest.

So we would like if you could come downtown to answer some questions for us. If you don’t mind”

The principal was now staring at me as if to say

“defend yourself!” but I had nothing to say. There was nothing really that I wanted to say. They already had their mind made up about me, so I decided to leave it in that moment.

Or maybe I was just confused and taken aback by the whole situation. I sat there silently for a minute and then said

“Can somebody bring my purse from the classroom and can I leave with you all from the garage?

I do not want any rumors started by leaving through the front of the school”

I wasn’t hand cuffed nor was I followed from behind. The detectives walked in front and beside me as we approached the car in the garage. Some teachers were already outside and watching, I believe they were on their breaks and someone from the front office had told them.

I sat down in the back of the car and I placed my head down. I couldn’t tell you why it happened but the looks on all the faces of the other teachers said it all and you know it too

All I could say was. #WhatTheHeckMan

Did Tiffany do it?

If you had been the one in her shoes, what would you have done?

You want to know what happens next? Download my #WhatTheHeckMan Rants. Trust me, you will not be sorry.


I really hope you enjoyed it and please continue to comment. REMEMBER, your feedback is EVERYTHING TO ME.

Thank you all!


Check back on Saturday for Part 4.


Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan


The End

The End


Waves by Mr Probz

I don’t want you to come close

I don’t even want you to talk

Because you’ll captivate me

Slowly find your way and start to consume me

My thoughts and dreams

Become one with you

My fears you’ll wash away like by a stream

With yours tongue white like a new sponge

I don’t want to fall for you

Because I know how this ends

So here

Take this bargain

Let’s just stay friends


Months have passed

Seasons have changed

Blocks are built

I have come of age

You’re still here

and now we talk everyday

Somehow in you

I now find inspiration in a new way

The future I see in you like a crystal ball

With you by my side

I manage to stand tall

With you

I found love


Somehow behind my dark skin I blush

The words that come from you

They lift me up

Being with you

Leaves me wanting more

Less of me

You and more

The way you look at me

You search my soul

The deepest of you

I really want to know

I’m in love with you now

That I know


I wish I knew

Just hold me close

And promise you’ll stay true


It’s now harder to get you talk

When you wanted me

All avenues of mine

You used to stalk

The growth has stopped

The love is there

But it’s not coming through anymore

More and more

I see you’re not here

I know where you are

But I feel so alone like in the start


You broke my heart

You scarred and tore me apart

Now I’m definitely back to the start

And I’m comparing the next person to you

Trying to build the next model like you

But it was you

That gave me tears

Made me cry and broke me in two

I don’t even know what is true

I ask myself

Who are you

And I question what is love


Your words used to adorn me

Now they annoy

I can’t imagine I fell for you

My insecurities I have to you

Pieces of me are littered around your home

But my throbs alone

Yet I am still drawn to you

I’m crying to him about you

As he smoothes my hair

I can feel myself feeling safe here

But I know exactly how this ends

I’m crying here because I was just here

Falling in love is the easiest part of an interaction/relationship. It can be with a job, work, school anything. In someone that understands and completes you, you slowly find yourself drifting away. You get lost in them and begin to align your dreams and goals.

There is a fear there though. Tangible and very real, people close that door because they do not want to experience what it feels to be heart broken.

Breakups are hard. For the most part and if you truly loved the person, it can be a rough time.

You question God, yourself, your choices. Self worth and self hate become a conversation. I’m here to tell you that it’s not always you.

My friend told me that

“no matter how much love you have, if you plant it in the wrong soil, it won’t grow. No matter what you do”

Point there is, no matter how great you are, if the person isn’t the right one for you or they are not ready, you will never feel like you’re enough.

Bad breakups or hurtful break ups like cheating, abuse or eating plantain when you weren’t supposed to can cause a lot of self blaming.

I just want you to know that

“The worst thing that can you do is to give up on you because of somebody else.” -B

Dust yourself off and get up. You are beautiful, you are strong. You are unique and heck, you are part of the #WhatTheHeckMan crew!

Some of you are out there in abusive, stagnant or non existent situations or relationships. If you know you deserve more, ask for it. If you don’t get it, then leave.

Break ups don’t have to only be for relationships. Sometimes you need to leave a friendship, job, environment. Self evaluate tonight and find where you need to make a change and do it soon. Before it gets worse.

Above all though, pray over everything.

Till next time.

Stay Up!


The End

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for part 3 of Ruins; this Saturday.

© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan

Art · Drama · Fiction · Life · Poetry · Uncategorized

Ruins 2

Ruins 2


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[audio m4a=””

Youth by Dee Faisal



 Today the world stops to acknowledge love

But I take a moment to thank God above

It’s you

He reached down and blessed me with you

My love for you is true

And I can’t imagine happiness without you

I can’t promise you there won’t be lows

But I can promise you that we’ll never be alone

I’ll always be your support

Completing your every thought

Fulfilling all your wants

Pushing you to dream for more

With you

I will never be gone

Your ruling in my life

I will always lead you back to it

Back to your throne

You are my Queen

Happy Valentine’s Day my love





My mind was troubled by the emptiness. I just lay there in the dark room.

A few rays of light sneaking into the room from the right side of the space.

I was lying on my side of the bed with my back to the window.

I would occasionally drift towards sleep but it was too dark on the other side.

 I worried about where my mind would go if I closed my eyes. The memories my brain would tap into. I wasn’t ready and I didn’t know when I would be.


I could hear myself breathing as the night continued it’s daily appearance and reminder of my emptiness.

It was a bit colder that night. It was 3 days after Tony has left me.
Broken promises he made to me.

He had promised me that I would never feel this.

He looked into my eyes and told me that he would never leave. He would be there to protect me.

He promised.


I found myself conflicted between feeling sadness and emptiness to addressing feelings of anger.

I sometimes became mad at him because he was perfect.

He was by far the best I ever had. In many ways than one, he completed me.

And it had taken me so long to find someone like him.

Someone that truly understood me without reservations

He truly took on my baggage and the extra I came with and did not charge me for any of it.


There was no fairytale love story about how we met, or whether I put him on this wild goose chase that most women put men on.

Our first interaction was very simple and direct.

I had just gotten out of a horribly draining relationship and earlier that night, I had sworn off men.

I was sitting in bed at my friend’s apartment when I had been watching classic movies and eating beef patties.

I was just fattening myself up. I couldn’t understand why the guy I had just broken up with, was such an asshole.

Cheating on me and then somehow trying to make it my fault?

After I gave him everything???



I made a plan to become more selfish and focus more on growing myself.

I was so done with men.

I was saying things like

 “all men are the same.”

“They are all dogs”

“I will never open my heart to another man”

“I’m just going to be cold from now on”


I was in my anti men state when my friend Laura walked into her apartment.

She stopped in the doorway and just stared at me.

No words.

Just staring.

Slowly smiles covered both our faces and she said

 “Get up! We’re going out”

 she shut  the door with the back of her right leg and placed her handbag on the floor.

I replied with a full mouth as I slid under the covers

 “Nooo… I’m not”

 She was now standing by the island in the kitchen. She was pouring herself a glass of wine.

She downed the glass in one go and said

 “When I left this morning, you were laying right there.

And I’m pretty sure you haven’t even moved since I left; unless to get food because you love food too much.

We are going out tonight! I have had a day and we need to let loose. I am calling Jessica too”

 Jessica was the life of the party and she for sure was not going to let me stay home. I picked myself and ran out of the living room in my sweats as Laura laughed at me.

 The plan was to grab some drinks at a local bar before proceeding to this new club downtown.

We were all covered in our coats, with our skimpy dresses underneath; drinking away and laughing. I had scanned the room when we first walked in and I felt there were not many attractive men in the room. Besides, I didn’t need any nor did I think any would be able to match up to us.

Laura was the social activist and director of the largest homeless shelter in the area, Jessica even with her party ways was surprisingly a killer negotiator for big firms. Her team would get drafted in to broker mega deals but she partied like she was raised on the Jersey Shore.

I was the “modest” one; boring dentist. I love dentistry and a man with great teeth.

I remember joking that night before we left the house that a man with great teeth would probably be my undoing.

I was sipping out of my glass of wine and I can’t even remember what we were talking about when I heard a really deep voice behind me.

I turned to my right where he was standing and I looked up at him.

Such a good-looking man!

I tried to compose myself and before I could speak, he stretched out his hand and in that sexy bass ridden voice, he said

 “My name is Tony. Nice to meet you.”

 And then he did it. He flashed that beautiful smile!

I squeezed my legs together and swallowed hard before stretching out my hand to shake his.

Then he said

“Good evening ladies”

 to Jessica and Laura. He shifted to the fourth chair and said

 “May I sit?”

 I think we were all still in shock but I nodded and he sat down. His eyes were glued on me and I couldn’t help but continue smiling.

Remember that “I’m off men” speech I gave earlier, yeahhhh… It died.

I just wanted to kiss those perfect lips that guarded his amazing teeth and then run my fingers through his beard.

He smiled again and said while looking straight at me

 “So I have 3 questions for you.

One, what’s your name? Are you single?

Two, do you like sushi and jazz and three, when can I pick you up?”

 Now I was smiling too hard and I knew it but you couldn’t blame me. I was so surprised and turned on by his confidence.

I looked over to my friends on my left as if to say

“Is that guy serious?”

 And they looked back with the expression on their faces saying

 “Yes! And you better answer so he can take you out”

 I turned back to him and said

“You know, you actually asked me four questions. Instead of three..

Soooo… you have to pick one to eliminate”

 He smiled and calmly said


I want an answer to all 3 or 4”


I just couldn’t help it. The way he held his ground and had my friends gazing on the greatness of his beard, I gave in.

There was only a two-week break between my breakup and meeting Tony but I felt like it was so worth it.

 As we left the bar that night and walked into the cold night, I noticed Tony didn’t have a coat on but it was really chilly out.

 “Aren’t you cold?”

 I asked. He smiled and said

 “Not really. I have my scarf and my car is literally right there”

 pointing at a park BMW sitting curbside. The scarf was actually really nice and I said it out loud.

He replied

 “Do you want it?”

 I smiled and before I could answer again, he took it off and placed it around my neck and said

 “It looks better on you.”

 A hug, a goodbye to my friends and we began walking away in opposite directions. I kept turning back to look at him as he faded into the night.

We walked as Laura said

 “What happened to staying away from all men?”

 I smiled and sniffed his scarf that smelled heavenly and said

 “This one came to me”


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Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you! Love you to bits!


.       .      .       .       .       .

 Mornings since Tony left brought forth feelings that seemed to conflict within my heart.

Everyday I woke up to the reminder of what I had lost but I would find comfort in my time at the cemetery where I could just cry and hold on to the memories he created with me.

My mother continued to ask me why I would not allow myself to be taken by someone else. Especially since it had been 5 years.

I had changed so much of my life but I still didn’t let go of Tony. I closed my private practice and took up teaching to be around kids.

I changed the layout of almost every room in the house except Tony’s side of the room.

I just couldn’t let go.

People just didn’t understand what Tony was to me. He literally was everything.

My thoughts began and ended with him.

And I was tired of having to answer to people. It was annoying like when the detectives came to talk to me right after Tony died.

 “Ms. Sanders

Can you think of anyone that would have wanted to hurt your fian… Tony?”

 I smiled as the detective corrected himself mid sentence. He must have been thrown off by the engagement ring I was wearing on my finger. I had fallen in love with the ring and begun wearing it.

 “We apprehended a man named Carlos Riera a few blocks away from the crime scene.

Do you know this man?”

 He looked up at me as he slid a picture of the man across the table. I looked up and shook my head to let them know I didn’t know the man.

I still couldn’t imagine anyone trying to hurt Tony.
He was that kind of man so questions like that annoyed me because I felt like they had no answer. And because I had to “help” the detectives, I had to pretend that there might even be the slightest possibility, that someone wanted my Tony dead.


.       .       .      .       .

With each year, the holidays became lonelier.

I was sitting on the bus a day before Valentine’s Day and all the radio was playing was love songs.

I was in hell because I had forgotten my headphones at home and had to listen to the entire lineup on the radio.  Everything was mushy and sweet.
But driving me up a wall as I imagined what Tony would have had planned.

He always had something elaborate planned out and almost every time, it was a surprise.

But I was resigned to just my imagination and clutching on to the old memories we had made.

I arrived at the school and made my way into my classroom like I always do and there was a bouquet of flowers sitting in a vase.

I actually smiled for a second while I read the note; it was from Michael.


Michael had been trying to be with me for almost a year. He worked as a management consultant for a Fortune 500 company and was travelling most of the year. In some ways, I felt that made it easier to ignore his advances.

We had gone out a few times so I didn’t seem rude but I just couldn’t give him all of me.

He was a great guy but nobody was Tony.

 I placed the flowers on the side of the table and continued with my day.

It was extended recess and I was on recess duty. Teachers took turns in watching the kids on the playground.

I was walking around the yard when I arrived at a table filled with kids painting Valentine’s Day paintings for their parents.
Some of the pictures were actually really cute. I was watching the kids, focused as they tried to get the mixtures of colors right and ensuring the angles were properly colored in.

It was a joy to behold.

 A boy from the end of the table called out


 I looked up and headed over to the kid

 “What’s going on?”

 I asked

He looked up at me and said

 “I ran out of green and I cannot finish coloring in my dad’s name”

 “Aww… Let me see if there is some green on this side.”


I replied as I walked to the other side of the table. I ran my hand through two tubs of crayons before I found the right kind of green he needed. I returned and handed it to him.

He said

 “Thank you.”

 I was about to turn away when he said

 “Teacher, you wanna see?”

 Holding it up to me. I obliged with a smile.

It was a nice picture of the boy, his mother and father. I was about to hand it back to him when I looked at the corner of the picture and the name read

 “Albert Riera”

 I looked at the boys face and thought,

 “It couldn’t be”

 I sat down on the bench next to the kid and said


 He looked up at me and I said

 “This is a nice picture. Is this your family?”

 He nodded. I smiled and said

 “Aww.. you guys are going to have a nice Valentine’s Day?”

 He bowed his head and shook it. Then he said

 “My mummy is at work but my daddy is in jail.

But.. but… my aunty Lydia is coming to take me and my cousin Ricardo to see Spongebob tomorrow”

 His smile was full. I was struggling to maintain sincerity as I said

 “Awww… I’m sorry to hear about that. “

 “Oh no! Don’t worry, my dad is coming home soon. My mommy told me”

 He chimed in.

I nodded in agreement and without prompting he continued

 “Yeah.. my mommy said my dad had to go away because he got into a fight with someone. But he wont do it again so, and he told me it is not good to fight… so I don’t fight”

 “That’s good Albert.

Always listen to your parents”

 I got up as the bell rang. As he was about to walk away, I asked

 “Albert, how old are you?”

 “I’m am 7. I will be eight in July!”

 He replied with a huge smile as he picked his painting and took off running back to class. I just stood there and stared into space.

I kept telling myself, it couldn’t be.

It just couldn’t.

Or could it?



Part 3 will be published on Saturday. 


I really hope you enjoyed it and please continue to comment. REMEMBER, your feedback is EVERYTHING TO ME.

Thank you all!


Check back on Saturday for Part 3.


Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan

Art · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Uncategorized




 Follow @adewus4real on  download

[audio mp3=”″

Chainsaw (Ramones Cover) by Niia

The dirt flying up onto my boots
The raindrops forming patterns on the ground as they smacked the Earth

The clouds announced their partnership with thunder.
It was wet.
I moved my right leg and cleared the dirt of the headstone.
This was my ritual.
I was always here. It was like my job.

I bent down and placed the flowers on the headstone. Positioning them to make sure the wind didn’t blow it away.
I came here every morning.
I have missed 18 days in the past five years. And on those days, I hated being away.
This place spoke loss to the world.
This space was where I felt the most complete.

I fixed my scarf. My precious scarf
Holding my umbrella intact over my head.
I looked around and began to walk out.

I arrived at the bus stop right outside the cemetery.
I sat down on the bench and lowered my umbrella. The rain was slowly letting up and the skies clearing.
It was 6.48am.
A few minutes later, the bus arrived.
I got on the bus and I looked at my hands.
The bus was empty.
Symbolic of my life, I looked around.
Every day, I was reminded of the emptiness that had engulfed my soul. This was my story.
So empty. So dark.
The rain, I hated so much but I was stuck in Seattle.
“Rain City” some called it.
But my heart remained flooded with pain, darkness and emptiness.

.     .     .    .     .

CATCH UP ON MY PIECE: “Behind The Writer” here. Behind The Writer:

. . . . .

The bus pulled up and I got out.

“Morning Ms Lewis”

“Good morning Ms. T”
Greetings filled the air from the students. I slowly made my way into the building.

“Good morning, Suso”

I greeted one of my students.

“How are you today?”

He looked up to me and smiled.

“I’m okay.”

I cleaned off my shoes and I made my way into the classroom as he followed me closely behind.
I opened the door and the kids flocked in. I placed my umbrella in the corner behind my desk and sat down.
And I took in a deep breath.
It was go time.

I picked out the list and the bell rung.
Class was about to start. I began to take roll in my 7th grade class.


Tony. I looked up like I always did every day when I called his name. He was not my favourite kid in the class but his name always took me back.
I looked around the class and made eye contact with my favourite kid in the entire school.
Of course, he was in my class.
I continued taking roll and I looked back at the list.
Another deep breath and then the next name



. . . . .
The kids were the life, the driving force behind me waking up each day. Through my darkest days, the obligation I had to always show up for them, kept me going.
But they were only half of what I needed.
They filled me up during the day but I always left and the emptiness continued.

I sat in the break room staring at my bowl of Lean Cuisine as it heated up and then my mind drifted.
I rubbed my scarf as I began to think about the most important night in my life.

He looked at me as he dug his fork into the slice of the Oreo Pizookie sitting between us. He cut a piece of it and lifted his head as he directed the fork towards my mouth.
I opened my mouth with a smile expecting delivery of the goods but he swirled his hand around like a parent feeding their child and playing airplane.
The warmth of the cookie hit the back of my mouth as the cooling sensation of the ice cream followed swiftly. Some of it almost dripped out of my mouth as I swung my tongue out to catch it
I looked up and noticed Tony looking at me with his tongue out also as if he was trying to catch the ice cream falling out of my mouth with his tongue.
I smiled and he said

“You’re just too beautiful”

I giggled and tried to hold back from blushing. I replied as I swallowed

“Even when I’m trying to stop ice cream from dripping out of my mouth?”

He beamed a smile back at me and said

“Especially then”

That was Tony. He was always complimenting me.
From the big hugs when I returned sweaty from the gym or early in the morning on my way to work; his words of affection were always warming to my heart.
He made me feel beautiful and made want more of his presence. I just wanted to be with and around him.
The way he looked at me was how I looked at my first pair of red bottoms.
His eyes always seemed to say “I can’t believe you’re actually mine”.

This great man was seated here and making me feel special – when I tried to understand it, I never understood it.
I just accepted the fact that this was my luck that a man so assured in himself and open to loving me, held nothing back as he drowned himself in me.

“When are you going to the County with the proposal?”

I asked and waited for a response as he chowed down the slice of pie in his mouth.

“We’re going in on Monday morning.
8 o’clock”

He licked his fork and then said

“I’m actually kinda nervous but I’m sure they will see the work we have done and something positive will come out of it.
Even if we don’t push it through, just ensuring that the process of creating opportunities for those kids is enough reward”

I actually felt my heartstrings pulled. What The Heck Man

“Babe, you know you’re amazing and the work you have done is everything and more.
3 years of research and all that preparation, I am sure you will do great.
And when you do, you can come over and I’ll make your fav. And then we can do that thing you like, you know… with the baby oil?
Yeah.. we can do that
Or we can do that first and then eat, whatever you prefer”

I winked at him and he smiled back. This was the man I wanted to spend my life with.
Dedicated to changing the lives of kids in the inner city. For the last 3 years, he worked with the teachers and lawmakers to approve funding for underprivileged kids to get after-school programs.
The meeting on Monday was to present the final findings that highlighted the importance of art, music, sports and tutoring in the lives of kids. I was always so turned on when he talked about the work but motivated by his progress each day at the same time.
I wanted to create greatness with him.
Without a shadow of doubt in my heart, this man had all of me. I just hoped he knew that every day.

The hostess returned with the check as she began to clear our used plates off the table. He picked it up and looked at it.
It was his birthday; he knew I wasn’t going to allow him to pay for it. I glared at him and he said

“Calm down love. I was just checking our total”

I smiled as he flashed that gorgeous smile of his at me one more time and placed the folder on the table. I picked it up and opened it up, placing my card in it before placing the folder back on the table.

We were looking at each other when he stretched his hand across the table and reached out to me. He placed my hand in his and he slowly said

“This was the best birthday ever. Thank you for everything baby. I love you.”

“You’re welcome my love”

I was beaming so hard. And my stomach was turning with happiness and all.
I was so in love.
Then he said

“Can we stop somewhere on our way home. I need to show you something”

I looked up at him as he was now standing. Like can you believe this man?

“Is this a surprise?”

He smiled and said cheekily


I couldn’t believe it but this was my man. Surprises on his own birthday!
He was never big on his birthday but the fact that he had something set up for me was just crazy.
Another wave of excitement washed over me. I got up and he helped me with my coat.
We walked out of the restaurant into the night with the remainder of his cake. In my right hand and he held my left hand in his right hand.
We just trudged slowly towards his car. When we arrived at the car, he walked with me to my side of the car and opened my door.
I lowered myself into the car and he closed the door.
He walked back to the car to the driver’s side of the car. He was about to get into the car when a man walked up and said


I assumed it was just a homeless guy asking for money, so I was about to get on my phone. I knew that he was going to pull out his wallet and give him some money and we would be on our way.
He responded and said


The man said nothing as he came closer to Tony. I don’t think for a second Tony was afraid of the man or worried about his safety.
The man continued to approach with the hoodie covering his head and his hand in the pockets.
Tony turned around into the car and asked me

“Babe, do you have any cash?”

I said yes and began to reach into my wallet for it when Tony turned around and just liked that.
He was on the ground.
Clutching the open driver’s side, he had shock written all over his face.
He had been stabbed.
It all happened so quickly and the man had turned around and was running off.
I jumped out of the car and ran towards him.
He was bleeding out and I didn’t know what to do.
His mouth was closed as he stared at me with his eyes wide open.
He had fear written all over his face and I couldn’t make it go away.
I remembered things I had seen on TV shows and I used my scarf to stop the bleeding.
He was totally silent as he slipped away.
I began to yell

“Someone help!
Please call 911. My boyfriend has been stabbed!

Someone from the other end of the parking lot started running towards us. Seconds after the sound of sirens on the ambulance filled the air.

“Tony, don’t leave me. Please hold on.
Please baby. Please!”

The ambulance arrived and the EMT’s came to attend to him as I clutched his hand. The whole time I never let go of his hand.
I just held on tight.
That was the tightest I have ever held on to anything in my life.
He was lifted into the back of the ambulance and I sat next to him.
He was bleeding so much and I continued to talk to him.

“Tony, you’re going to be okay. Just hold on baby”

My eyes glued to him. I couldn’t lose him.
I just could not imagine my life without him.
Please, Lord. I begged.
I just needed him to be better. I needed him in my life.
He was a huge part of my life.
He was my everything and it was clear to me that I was all of his.
We pulled into the hospital parking and as they were about to lift him out of the back when he said with the little breath he had


I looked down at him and said

“Babe, we are here already. Hold on.”

They lifted him out of the back of the ambulance and wheeled him into the hospital. I was on my heels running barefooted with the gurney as they wheeled him into the OR.
We pulled up into the OR and they were about to start working on him. They didn’t ask me to leave or let go of his hand.
He struggled to keep his eyes open. And then he squeezed my hand a little tighter.
He opened his eyes, looked at me and said

“Tiffany, I love you with all my heart”

That was it.
That was the last he said
That was the last thing my heart felt.
That was when I died too.

There were no tears. Just shock.
I slowly let go of his hand as they began trying to revive him.
I walked over like a zombie and I sat down. My right hand was shaking.
And my left hand clutched on to my scarf that was soaked in his blood.
I just sat there.

I must have just lost the greatest gift God had given me. At that time, I hadn’t even processed the stabbing and all.
All I was thinking was that Tony, the love of my life- My everything was gone.
Taken away from me, one day after the celebration of his birth.
It hurt and I just sat there.
It must have been about 15 minutes of sitting there as they tried thing after thing. Eventually, they pronounced him dead.
I saw the nurses in the OR come out one by one with this solemn look on their faces.
As if they were saying, “I’m sorry” without opening their mouths.

I still wasn’t crying. I just stared into space.
And then the charge nurse walked up to me and sat down next to me. She held my hand and handed a box to me along with some of his other belongings.
I slowly opened the box and it was an engagement ring.
I looked at her and she looked at me with her eyes filling up.
And then I broke.

Part 2 will be published on Saturday. 


I am beyond excited to present this story to you all. I really hope you enjoy it and please continue to comment. REMEMBER, your feedback is EVERYTHING TO ME.

Thank you all!


Check back on Saturday for Part 2.


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