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Last Night

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Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Tick….
I was holding my head beneath my bangs with my left hand, as I stared at the clock, which punished me for each minute I had stolen every morning this week.
It was moving painfully slow and I just wanted to go home.
I was so tired.
But thank God it was Friday.

I don’t remember ever running out of the office as fast I did that day. Except for the time when I had a flight to catch.
I rushed into my car and headed home. I just wanted to slump on my bed and binge watch OINTB until I passed out.
As I neared my house, I realized that I didn’t have any more wine. I must have consumed all of it, although it was a slow week.

I turned into the Bevmo parking lot and headed for the wine.
10minutes later, I was heading home and my weekend was about to begin.
It was a struggle to pull myself up the stairs and into my bed.
I slumped into my bed, without taking my clothes off. I sipped my wine and picked the episode I wanted to watch.
I must have dozed off like I always do once the wine kicks in.

I was awoken by my phone.
“Hey girl, what are you up to… wait, are you sleeping?”
My best friend Tola asked me before I could even answer.

“Babe, I didn’t even realize I had knocked out.
What’s going on?”

She laughed and then said in a clearly distracted tone,
“Come on! Let’s go… no, please put that in a separate bag. Thanks.”

My eyes were still closed and I said,
“Come where? Where are you going?
Cause only Jesus can get me out of this bed right now!”

She was walking out of the store she was in when she said,
“It’s Mayowa’s birthday. He’s getting a few tables at Liquid. Let’s go na.”

I slightly opened my eyes, noticing the Netflix screen asking “Are you still there?”

I told Tola,
“See eh, I’m so tired right now. Before I do makeup, fix my hair and everything…” I sighed thinking about it. “Can you see if Janet wants to go? I’m tired.”

I assumed she accepted my plea and was looking for another victim for her night out.
My phone rang a few minutes later, and to my surprise, it was Janet.
She didn’t say much other than,
“You’re going. Get ready. We’ll be there in an hour.”
That was Janet; the sweetest but also the most direct person I know.

An hour and a half later, we were doing shots on my kitchen counter and then we were off!
I was still tired and sleepy. My plan was to come back and get a few good hours of sleep in before my afternoon appointment on Saturday.
The crew at the club was the same as always, mostly people I grew up and went to college with.

It was your regular event, with Snapchat filters and flashing lights that filled the section as we celebrated a dear friends birthday.
I had gotten up to powder my nose, when I felt a gentle tap on my right arm.
I swung around to see who it was and boy, was I surprised!

I found myself locking eyes with a tall and dark-skinned man, as he began to flash his beautiful white smile. He said,
“I’m so sorry to have touched you but I just had to get your attention.”

I smiled and accepted his apology, telling him, “It’s okay.”

He then said,
“I’d love to buy you a drink.”

I smiled and said,
“How about when I return from the ladies room?”

He nodded in agreement.

Tola had seen the interaction and she raced into the bathroom.
She began questioning me,
“Who is he?!
Girlllllll he is fineeee!”

I also couldn’t stop smiling! She was right, he was very easy on the eyes… even though I knew nothing about him.
I replied her, “Girl I don’t  know. I’ll let you know when I get the gist.”

I headed back out and met him at the bar. He had two drinks waiting, as he leaned on the bar.

“You ordered for me?”,I asked him.

He nodded and said,
“I hope you don’t mind. I thought you might enjoy this drink.”

He slid a cosmopolitan my way and as I picked it up I said,
“I hope you didn’t spike my drink.”

He smiled and motioned upwards with his hands, while shaking his head vigorously.
I took a sip and a dope night began.

We talked in the corner and I showed him what a proper whine felt like a few times.
He was witty and funny.
He kept his strong hands around my waist as he matched my every move, I was really feeling him.

So you can understand my frustration when the lights came on and the DJ announced that the club was closing.

I tried to play it off as we walked outside, then he asked me,
“Have you ever had a chorizo and cheese hot dog from one of those carts?”
He pointed a few yards down the street.

My face lit up!
I loved them! How did he know? He couldn’t have known!
I slapped his right arm as I said,
“Shut up! I love those!”

“Ouch!”, he squealed like I had just broken his whole arm.

We laughed and walked up to the cart. As we ate the dogs, he asked,
“I hope your friends aren’t upset that I took you away from them tonight.”

I shook my head with my mouth full, as I swallowed I replied,
“No. I bet you they are glad they didn’t have to babysit me tonight. Cause I didn’t really want to come out.”

He gasped jokingly and said,
“So you mean you wouldn’t have met my awesomeness today?”

I chuckled and said,
“I guess that’s why I’m glad I did come out tonight.”

He smiled and turned towards me as he said,
“And I’m sad I’m going to have to leave you.”

I don’t know when I blurted it out but I said,
“We can go back to mines if you want, I still some wine left over.”

He smiled and replied,
“Who’s trying to get who drunk now?”

We both laughed.

For the whole Uber ride, I kept playing back that sequence and questioning myself,
“Why did I ask him to come over?!”

I only comforted myself by saying I knew I wasn’t going back to his place. At least this way, I could kick him out if I wanted. And I wouldn’t have had to be at some random guys apartment.

We arrived at my apartment and I let us in.
My wine glass was still sitting on the kitchen counter. I emptied it and poured myself a new glass as he opened the new bottle.
He proceeded to pour himself a glass and then walked over to the couch with the bottle in hand.

We went through that bottle and another as we just sat on the floor and talked about everything.
I loved that he works as a lawyer for a group of charter schools that served disabled children and he could play the guitar.
And that smile, oh that smile!
There was a point where he spoke and I just wished he would kiss me.
I wasn’t sure I wanted that on the first meeting but I tell you, his perfect lips were so annoying because they covered that gorgeous smile.

I remember him asking if he could kiss me.
I had always talked about how I thought any man that asked that was stupid because he should know if there was a vibe and if he had the green light, he would know.
But the way he asked melted me.

I just nodded sheepishly.
As he placed his soft lips on mine, I felt chills run through my spine and down my folded legs.
As he pulled away, he licked his lips and I wanted more.

I said
“You are trouble.”

He smiled and said,
“I’ll get in trouble for you.”

I pulled him in and I kissed him. Hard.

I’m not sure how long it was but he just locked his lips on mine. When he broke, he kissed my neck.
I could feel my walls contracting and I starting to flood.
My heart was racing and my mind was trying to catch up.
His lips were wet and soft down my neck and I tried to decide if I wanted this to go any further.

He kissed his was down my blouse and I just knew I was going to.
Somewhere in my mind, I said fuck it.

He was strong and gentle at the same time.
The way he cupped my breasts and squeezed them. And how he pulled me close…I was melting in his arms.

His tongue searched my hard drive for lost files. When he arrived at my navel, he looked up at me for approval.
I just wanted him to pull them off. I thanked my stars that I had recently gotten a wax.

He slowly pulled my panties off.

I was wet.

Not one of those, I’m not sure if it’s a drizzle or rain. It was a tsunami.

He smiled as he kissed my thighs and his lips parted mine.
I squirmed as he licked and slurped.

Oh, it felt so good.
For one, I was getting my pink feasted on, two, I didn’t have to direct him.
The man knew his way around me like he had been there before.

He nibbled and sucked, as he paced himself. I moaned and squirmed underneath the panel lights from the courtyard outside, which shined into my living room.

I could feel myself nearing a climax and it was like he knew it too. He pinned my thighs to his shoulders and dug in.

His tongue carried it’s strength in strokes as it twisted and circled around my now throbbing clit.

My toes curled, my back tensed and lifted off the couch with my pink still his mouth.

And there is was, climax. I let out a satisfying moan as I pushed him off me.

He sat back with a smug smile on his face like a proud winner.

I got up, moved closer to him and lowered my lips onto his shaft.
He moaned.

The warmth of my mouth combined with the swirl of my tongue had him holding on to the back of my head.

I looked up at him as I shifted his hips to my strokes.

He got harder in my mouth. I lifted my mouth off and asked,
“Do you have a condom?”

He reached for his pants on the floor and pulled one out of his wallet.

It was on.

He lifted me in his arms and headed for the kitchen counter. He placed me down, legs over his arms and slowly slipped into my wetness.

The view was amazing, his towering shoulders, the silhouette of the lighting behind him.

He gripped unto my waist as he slapped his pelvis into mine.

I wish you understand how good it felt to have someone dominate with such skill and obviously granted permission.
He slid out of me and walked me to my room, it was dark apart from the glow of the printer in the right hard corner.

No words.

He motioned for me to turn around and I did.

Face down, you know the rest.

As he went inside me, I clutched the sheets and cursed.

“Fuck!”

He was so strong, I tell you.

With each stroke, I thought I was going to break.
I can’t remember what he was saying but he was being so dirty and I liked it.

I could feel his balls slapping into my clit as my wetness transferred on to him.

He picked up and slowed the pace as he wanted.

I turned around to look at him and that’s where I had him.

His thrust got shorter and faster. He pounded harder and harder.

And there it was, a series of very satisfying grunts and he was done.

We laid there and tried to catch our breaths and then we laughed.

He said,
“That was amazing.”

I was glad he said it before I did because it was. I ran my right index finger down his chest and I got up.

Walking into the bathroom, I looked at myself in the mirror, a part of me wanted to feel bad but it was so good. I cleaned up and returned to the room.

He had his shirt and undergarments on.
He motioned to me and said,
“Do you want to cuddle?”

Do you know how that felt?!
A man that actually offers to cuddle?
And with those strong arms of his?

I quickly jumped into the bed. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.
On my back, I could feel his gentle heartbeat.
I remember thinking “what if” as I felt asleep.

The next morning, I woke feeling fresh.
I turned and tapped behind me and there was no one there.
He must have slipped out during the night.
“Oh well”, I thought. Hopefully, we’ll talk later.

I tried to find my phone but I soon realized that I had left it in the living room.
As I got up to get it, I could hear better.
I opened he bedroom door and there he was, briefs and a semi-hard member in between his legs. He was fixing me breakfast.

With a shy smile on my face, I said,
“Gbenga, You cook too?”

He turned and with a smile on his face, he replied,
“Only for special people.”

My smile got bigger.
He looked so good in there and his package between his legs was, even more, inviting in the morning.
I said,
“Well if you cook half as good as you eat, then I’m sure it will be awesome.”

The food was above average which was fair for most men.
What he did to me on my couch before he left was way above average.
I remember a sadness as he left before being reassured when he said,
“I’ll call you.”

I shut the door and I could not contain myself.
I was so happy and bouncy.
It hadn’t felt that good in so long.

I sat down on the couch with my tongue out covering half my smile. I picked up my phone and texted Tola.
“Gurllllllllllll!”

She knew what it meant.

Her reply was,
“Bissssssssh! That good?!

I replied,
“Girl you have no idea. All the gist after this gig. Love you, babe.”

I reached for my charger around the couch and plugged in my phone.
As I looked up at the clock, I muttered,
“Shit, I’m going to be late.”

I needed to shower and get going for my weekend gig.
I worked as a photographer and I took pictures of people and families as needed.
My client was this newly engaged couple that wanted to take their wedding announcement pictures.
But they lived over an hour away.
I hopped in the shower, and within 45 minutes, I was on my way.

It was a beautiful day out.
The shoot was going to be at a historic royal garden where I had shot before.
We were using a different side but I was excited all the same.
These gigs were the extra cash I had to pay off my student loans.
So I matter how tired I was, I always gave my best.

I made my way onto the grass and there she was. The soon to be bride.
I greeted her,
“Hey Danielle.”

I loved her. She was always so sweet over the phone and was referred by another client.
Always smiling and positive.
She turned and gave me the biggest hug.

“Sorry love, my fiancé is running a bit late.
He went out with his boys last night and you know how that can be.”

We laughed and just chatted about her upcoming wedding.
Her phone rang and she looked down to answer it.

“Hey babe, where are you?”, she asked.

He responded and she replied,
“We are over by the fountain.”, before ending the call.

“He’s here!”, she said to me with a smile on her face.

I couldn’t help but think, I can’t wait till I get those similar butterflies while in love.

I was fiddling with my camera when I heard a deep masculine voice say,
“Hey, baby.”

I knew that voice. Well, I thought I did, so I turned around and received the shock of my life.

She broke a short kiss from him and said,
“Ada, please meet my fiancé Gbenga.”

I almost choked on nothing. I was shocked.

He played it off like a pro as he walked up to me, stretched out his hand to shake mine.

I was so stunned that for a second, my brain forgot to tell my hand to rise.

We shook hands and he said,
“Sorry I kept both of you waiting, I got a little lost.”

“Bullshit!”, I thought.

He sure wasn’t lost last night when he was deep inside my gut like Indiana Jones.

Ugh! I felt so stupid.

I was even more annoyed by how well he played it off.
He was playful with his soon to be bride. Whispering sweet nothings in her ears, making her laugh and giggle.

All I could think of as the shutter on my camera closed was,
“Men are Scum!”

How could he?
Here I was about to brag about him to my girls!
From the gentleman-like behavior all night, to great sex and breakfast. I felt so insulted and disrespected but it was either shut up or crush this unassuming lady.

So I did my job and just felt sick inside.
The pictures were great and I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

I regretted the night before and I just wanted to head home, rip my off sheets since they were covered in his cologne and forget the past 24hrs ever happened.

As I sat in my car, I let out a deep sigh.
Thank God I wasn’t contracted to shoot their wedding because I don’t know if I would have been able to.
That thought was just leaving my head when my phone rang.

I reached for it and answered the call.
It was my boyfriend and he said,
“Hey, babe. How are you today?”

I shook my head as I almost vomited my insides filled with regret and disgust.
I composed myself and said,
“It was low-key babe. Didn’t even do anything.
How’s the hospital, any exciting patients?”

He answered away and my mind drifted off until I heard him say,
“Helloooo babe? Are you there?”

“Yes, babe. Sorry. Yes I am.”,
I replied apologetically.

He continued and said,
“I’m off in about 30minutes, what do you say to me coming over and making you something while we drink some wine and chill?”

My head dropped as I replied,
“I already ate babe. Rain check?”

He agreed and said goodbye.

Yeah, I ate quite alright and I was full of regret and disgust.

And thinking about my last 24hrs, all I could say was #WhatTheHeckMan

The End.

Please leave me a comment and let me know if you enjoyed the story. Thank you!

Last Night by The Wordsmith @adewus4real

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© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · African Fiction · African Stories · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Stories · TheRants

The Man, The Shadow: Diary of A Lost Soul 4

The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul

The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul 2

The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul 3

Part 4

It rained during the entire ceremony, in some parts of the world, that might be seen as good luck but where I am from, well you can imagine.
Anything that stops Nigerians from having a full blown party out in the sunshine with jollof and dancing, is obviously an evil darkness.
I was totally unconscious as I was transported to Lagos.
I would later find out that I was in a coma.
When I opened my eyes, it was 4 days after the wedding and I was awoken by my friends who had come to check up on me.
I pestered one of the nurses into telling me if my mother and family had been over. My mother and some of my cousins had been the only people that had stopped to check on me.

Playing back that evening, I was trying to play detective and see if I had noticed anything about the men that attacked me.
Who called the hit?
My mind was racing but my heart slowed – It had gone cold.
It was very cold in the morning as I stood looking out of the window.
The sun had already risen and Lagos was already hours into its hustle.
There was a gentle knock on the door, before I could turn around to answer, my mother walked in.

“Oh you are awake?”

She said attempting to act surprised.

“Yes I am”

She smiled and said

“I just wanted to bring you some breakfast”

“I am not hungry”

I snapped back.
She placed the bowls of food on the table and said

“Well, hunger is not a stable guest. It doesn’t always announce it’s arrival.
The food will be here”

“Mummy, I don’t think you are hearing me. I do not want anything from you.”

I replied.
Her smile was gone now.
She lifted her head and looked my way as she said

“Who are you talking to in that tone?”

I walked over to her and looked her dead in the eye and said

“You.”

It was only a split second before she swung and almost slapped me across my left cheek.
I grabbed her hand mid-air.

She gasped and said

“So Meji, you want to fight me?
You want to hit your mother?”

I gently placed her hand back down by her side and replied

“I would never do that to you but I would like for you to leave and never talk to me”

She began to walk away, stopping right in front of the door. Turning around, she said

“I see you haven’t learned your lesson. Remember that I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it.”

I smiled and replied

“I would love to watch you try.
You already failed once”

…..

I signed the discharge papers as the doctor went on about me taking it easy with my broken ribs.
I hate hospitals and I just wanted to be out of there as quickly as possible.
I was hauling my clothes to the parking lot outside the private hospital that my family was known to use.

Making my way into the parking lot, I didn’t see the Uber I had called.
As I looked down at my phone to determine it’s whereabouts, I heard a familiar voice call out my name.
I slowly lifted my head, it was Monsurat.

I wasn’t sure how to feel towards her.
A part of me was angry but another wanted answers to the questions that troubled me.

“Can I talk to you please?”

she quietly asked

“My ride is almost here but sure”

I replied. she began to talk when I cut her off and said

“Just tell me why you ran. Why did you run when I stepped up to express my feelings for you to the world? Why then”

She dropped her head and sighed. Then she said

“I was confused and I didn’t know what to do. My feet clicked and I just kept running”

“That’s not good enough Monsurat. It’s obvious that I was the only one in this and you couldn’t have the decency to tell me that you didn’t love me”

I snarled back.
She fired back and said

“That is the farthest from the truth and you know it!
I have never loved anyone like I love you. I only know what love is from loving you.
So you know that is not true. I just….I just didn’t see it coming and everyone was there. It was just a lot to take in”

I walked up to her and I placed my hand on her chin, lifting it up.
She leaned into my chest and said

“I have something to tell you…”

“Go ahead”

I whispered back to her.
She stepped back and said

“…but I can’t. I’m afraid”

I believe that for most people, that is one of the most annoying things ever.
I tilted her head upwards again and said

“It’s just me. Talk to me”

“Meji…I will love to spend the rest of my life with you but…but there is something I need to tell you first. I don’t want any secrets between us.

….I got an abortion.”

I stepped back as those words sailed into the open space between us.
There was a mixture of shock, confusion, and disappointment across my face.

“What are you saying Monsurat?”

She was already close to tears as she stretched out her hands and said

“Mj, wait, let me explain”

I stepped back away from her reach and said

“Tell me what you are saying…”

A single tear rolled down her left cheek as she said

“Please don’t get mad. Promise me you won’t get upset?”

I rolled my eyes as I sighed and said

“I promise”

“I didn’t want to. I promise you I would never do that to you.
Once I knew I was pregnant….I knew I couldn’t keep it. I had to go and take care of it…”

She cried as she forced the words out.
I didn’t let her finish her next sentence as I turned and headed out of the hospital parking lot.
I heard her shout

“Meji, you gave me your word…”

Well the word stood for nothing as I hopped into the back of the Uber.
I asked to change the address.
I knew exactly where I needed to be.

…..

It had been three days since Monsurat came to the hospital to drop that bombshell on me.
I needed time to think, so I stayed with my friend Kamir on the Island.
Hiding and not answering my phone, I tried to make sense of everything that happened.

It made sense when I finally called Sola my cousin and asked who could have been responsible.
He initially didn’t say much because he wanted to stay out of it.
As we spoke and he realized what I was making, he let the cat out. It was a matter of setting the right dominos in motion.

I placed a call to the village and spoke to Baba Agba.

As the day broke, I was ready. A new direction for our family beckoned.
It was time to do the right thing.
Driving that morning, I became nervous as we got closer. With each kilometer, I could feel my heart racing faster.

We pulled up and I stepped out of the vehicle.
The gate was already open, so I walked up to the door and knocked.
As it opened up, it was Monsurat.
She immediately tried to slam the door shut. I placed my right leg in the doorway.
The door rammed into my foot and I let out a subdued moan.
She totally ignored my leg and said

“What do you want?”

I tried to speak and she said

“You know what? I don’t even give a fuck about what you have to say. I told you to promise me you wouldn’t react and the moment I told you, you went off to God knows where.
Only God knows what you have done. I told you and you went against everything I said!
So what the hell do you want from me?!”
I dropped my head and then said

“I am sorry.
I just felt very guilty. I had to take a step back.
I didn’t want to react harshly….I realize I could have handled it better. I am sorry”

I moved in closer and pulled her in.
My hands around her waist, she kept her head down as she tried to keep her scowl.
I lifted her head up and gave her a kiss on her lips.
I smiled and said

“I am sorry….and…I love you”

She sheepishly smiled and tried to wriggle out of my grasp. I hugged her tightly.
As I let her go, she moved back and said

“How did you know where to find me?”

I smiled and replied

“I think you underestimate how much people like me…”

She rolled her eyes and said

“Come in, let me fix you something to eat”

I pulled her left hand and said

“We can’t stay.
We have to be somewhere shortly”

“We?”

She inquired as she turned around.
I nodded and she knew.

“Are you sure Mj?”

she queried me.
I again nodded and then I said

“I am sure but I am not sure about that morning breath of yours tho. Whew!”

She shyly turned to scurry off but not until she said

“You know you are not okay right?”

Smiles on both our faces. She disappeared up the stairs.

…..

In the back of Sola’s car, she pressed me about where we were headed but I told her to drop the subject.
As we waited outside a gate in Ikoyi, she asked again,

“who lives here?”

The gateman came to open the gate and let us in, as we parked, she scanned the compound and it clicked.

“This is Aunty Bunmi’s house”

I smiled but said nothing.
As we exited the car, she seemed nervous. I motioned to her, as she neared me, I whispered,

“I got this.”

I turned to the gateman and said

“A Previa van will be coming in about 15 minutes, let them through”

He nodded and said

“Yes sir”

As we made our way into the house, it was clear what was happening.
A family meeting had been called.
Baba Agba who made the trek that morning was seated amongst other elders. My mother and aunt to my right and Juwon standing closest to the door in the far left.
Jola was already on her honeymoon.

I greeted everyone and thanked them for coming before I said

“I reached out to the elders to call this meeting because there are few things that I want to address and end once and for all.
I will do most of the talking but feel free to stop me if you have any questions…

…Aunty Bunmi, let me start by again apologizing for what I did during the wedding. My outburst was irresponsible and ill timed, I hope you can forgive me.
Mummy, thank you so much for showing me the true value of family. It means a lot that I have a telling picture that shows me what families should always look like

To the bigger family, this is an announcement, I will be getting married to Monsurat here. She joined our family years ago and she has never left my heart. So I will make our hearts a home and I would love to eventually share that with some of you.”

Baba Agba and a few others clapped in acknowledgment.
And I continued

“The real reason we are here is to put some things to bed. As you may all know, on the eve of Jola’s wedding, I was attacked and badly beaten.
We thank God for recovery but it put things in perspective for me.
The man I am and who I want to become…

…As a family and culture, we are accustomed to accepting secrecy as loyalty and it is not so.
In many cases, we see the evil within our homes and we turn a blind eye.
Cheating, infidelity, rape, incest… to just name a few that we are familiar.
In this family, I have been able to experience most of that up close.

As a child, Juwon and his siblings would make Monsurat and I have sex with each other for pleasure.
It didn’t make sense then but the scars have stayed on decades later.
So today as a family, I urge us to forgive each other and move forward to a brighter day…”

I stopped talking as 5 bulky men walked into the sitting room.
Immediately two stationed next to Juwon.
He seemed confused and so I continued

“These men as my friends, just her to support me as best as possible but back to what I was saying.
I want you as a family to know that I have forgiven you all.
And to make that clear, I called this meeting.

Monsurat is my fiancee and this animal Juwon raped and impregnated her. And did not have the decency to ensure she was well after she completed an abortion that he requested.
Now I know I just let you know that I forgive you all but even the most forgivable acts have consequences.

I know who called the hit on my life and I know how much you have tried to break me.
I once heard a saying that a man without a shadow has no soul.
But for a man to not cast a shadow, you must be illuminated from all angles. I have a shadow and a dark past and an even brighter future without a family like that who pulls one down.

So here is what is going to happen, in your own home Juwon, these 5 men will dish out double of what I went through last week.
And your blood will stain your home.
Your mother will shed tears, not for your pain but for the sins she has allowed over the years.
I cannot get rid of my mother because God chose her for me, but she can rest assured this is the last we will ever speak.

If you have any questions in the near future, please email me.
Or don’t.
Thank you all for being here. It’s been a pleasure”

Baba Agba rose to stop the men as they grabbed Juwon, one of the elders pulled him back to his seat.
As I began to walk out, I stopped right in the doorway, turned and said

“In case you were wondering, these men as special forces members of the Army.
Don’t bother calling the police, they hold jurisdiction here.

Oh and Juwon, fuck you”

As I sat in the back of the car driving out of the compound, Monsurat reached for my hand and cupped it.
She smiled and I smiled before putting my sunglasses on.
It was a bright day for a new journey. A new dawn for a lost soul.

I looked back to the left as a the driver turned the corner, straight into Monsurat’s eyes. The driver tried to press the brakes and caught air, he gasped and called the name of Jesus.

That was the last time I saw her.

……

I was inspired to write this series after a conversation with a friend who had a story like Meji’s. As we talked, I saw parallels in my life. My inability to let go of certain things I had experienced as a child. From bullying to watching and experiencing abuse, we are “asked” to turn the other way and let certain things go for the sake of the family.
Well, family is meant to uplift and not diminish. And as you see in this series, this family was heavily flawed and they caused a lot more damage than good to the entire body.

In Meji also standing up for Monsurat, you saw love but selfishness. Whenever hurt is shared with you, the reaction the person seeks is not always that you run and jump to their rescue. Sometimes we just need someone to hear us out and hold our truth with us.

I enjoyed writing this series and taking it in all the different directions I could. Thank you to everyone that commented and supported.
If you are reading this on Twitter and you actually haven’t read the series yet, check it out at http://www.adewus4real.com
I promise you won’t regret it.

Till the next one, Stay Up and catch my #WordsOfWednesday this Wednesday.
Thankful for this talent and blessed to share it with you. Please READ and SHARE with anyone that loves good content. Bless!

The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul 4 by The Wordsmith @adewus4real

Thanks for the love and support.
Stay up

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Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#SanmiSaturdays
© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · African · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · TheRants

The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul 3

Catch up on Parts 1 & 2

The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul

The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul 2

“Meji, what in the world was that??”

My mom yelled at me as the whole compound was in chaos. Everyone was trying to figure out what was happening after the bomb I had just dropped.

“Why are you yelling at me?
What did I possibly do wrong here?”

I asked in response.

“Are you serious?
You could have picked any other time in the world to say this and you chose now?
That is so selfish!”
I couldn’t believe the words that I was hearing.
I was enraged and I fired back

“You are telling me that because I called out my cousins for something that they have been doing that is clearly wrong, I am selfish?
Or because I did at the wedding?
Because I don’t know how you hear something like that and I am what you are focusing on. Not the lies and secrets we continue to keep as a family.”

My mom took a deep breath and then said

“do you think they didn’t know?
Do you think the whole family is stupid? that nobody saw it all along?
We did but to keep the peace, you learn to mind your own business…to shut up.
Families protect each other to the core. You stand for your family and to the outside world, you give your best impression of your family”

I scoffed and said

“Well, I am sorry mother but our family unit is fucked up. We are liars and abusers and we need to be held accountable, not sweeping it under the rug”

As my last words trailed off, I walked out of the room and slammed the door.
There were people outside, in the hallway, listening to everything that was just said.
I can’t remember exactly where I went but I kept on walking till I was out of the compound.

…..

“Bring one more bottle”

I had downed 5 full bottles of Star, an alcoholic beverage popular in the Nigeria.
The lady serving me was beginning to look concerned that I would not slow down.

“Uncle, śe sure?”
(Uncle, are you sure)

I waved her on and soon she emerged with my drink. As she opened it, it foamed out and I stared at the bottle as the foam trickled down the sides.
I suddenly felt a huge sense of regret and sadness.

I was all alone.
And that moment, I was clothed in style and value but lacking the true substance that made me important.
There was so much that I was angry for that I had channeled the anger at the wrong parties.
Jola deserved her wedding weekend to be spectacular regardless of what had happened years before.

I motioned to the lady and asked for a glass of water.
I downed that very quickly.
And I quickly rose to head back towards the house. As I approached the compound, I noticed cars leaving and people walking out.
It was soon very clear that the traditional proceedings for the wedding had been canceled.

Walking into the house, I began to look for Monsurat. People that were not super close to my family, avoided eye contact and barely said anything as I walked through.
it was as if I was bringing the darkness.

I finally arrived at the living room. It was filled with senior members of our family.
One of my grandmother’s brothers, motioned to me and said

“Meji, joko sibi”
(Come sit down or sit down here)

I dragged my feet and I sat.
My mother would not make eye contact with me. I could tell she was disappointed. My aunt, Bunmi, had stopped crying.

My granduncle, also known as Baba Agba opened with a Yoruba proverb

“Eyin kule lota wa, inu ile laseni ugbe”
(The enemy is in the backyard but the executor of his plan lives in the house)
“It is very clear that the devil is trying to steal the joy of this family on what should be a glorious occasion. And sadly, we almost allowed him to succeed.
I have heard some of the details of the accusations and they are grave, very grave. In some parts of this country, people are killed for such things.
But today, Mjwe will speak to truth and speak to unity as a family.
Jolade, tell us what happened”
Since I had walked into the room, Jola had stayed silent.
I am not sure what emotions she was juggling but she finally opened her mouth and said

“I am deeply saddened by what has happened here.
Not just today but within our family. We let this happen. Not the devil.
….My family has always walked around like it was better than all of the others in this family and that is clearly not the truth. We are much more broken than we are ever willing to admit.”

She paused and lifted her teary eyes up. Her makeup was ruined and she sniffled then continued

“Mj, did not lie. He spoke on the truth he knows about.
One thing is for sure MJas a lot to be angry about. Juwon and I did some despicable things as children. Some out of naivety but others frankly out of evil and jealously for Mj.
But one thing Juwon and I never did was have sex with each other.
That never happened but we forced Mj and someone else to have sex with each other, while we watched and laughed”

Gasps across the room.
Jola cried harder.

“there is not much I want to say further but humbly as for your forgiveness Mj.
It is all I can ask for and I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me and my brother”

I didn’t realize it but I was already in tears.
I wanted to walk over to Jola and give her a hug but I chose not to. There were more tears around the room and then I responded and said

“Hola, I am sorry also for how I acted this weekend in taking the focus away from a beautiful union.
You deserve love and peace and I am hoping that we can get you married to start the next chapter of your life”

She rose and walked over to me.
As we hugged, my eyes closed and I heard applause around the room.

As she walked back to her seat, I cleared my throat and said

“I am somewhat glad this came out. It has been a burden on my chest and weighed me down for years.
But there is something else I would love to share with you all, now that I have all our family here…. I am in love with Monsurat”

The gasps this time were louder.
Monsurat, standing closest to the door, was shocked and rightfully so. I had not informed her that I was going to do that and frankly I didn’t know I was going to do that either.
I looked at her with her mouth ajar and in one move, she turned and bolted out of the room.
I mean, she ran so fast. I couldn’t believe it.
I was shocked and so was everyone else in the room. And in true asshole fashion, I heard someone snicker.
I turned to my right and it was Juwon.
I don’t know what happened but something snapped in me, I noticed a bottle of Mirinda on the table, I grabbed it and smashed it on Juwon’s head.
He was knocked unconscious and everyone in the room stood up and ran away from me.
The bottle broke and the butt of it was still in my hand, everyone cleared out of the way as I stormed out of the living room and into the back house.

As I sat in one of the rooms, I cried.
Hours passed by and people tried to come and console me.
I couldn’t believe it.
Why did she run?
How could she run then?! After all we had been through?

I must have cried for 5hours straight because when I finally opened my eyes, it was nighttime.
I had been awoken by a sound of keys, someone trying to enter the room I had locked myself in.
The door flung open and with the rays of fluorescent light coming through the blinds, I noticed for big men walk into the room.
The grabbed me and proceeded to punch and kick me.
They beat me till I was bleeding and almost unconscious. And then they left but not before locking the door back.

I sat there coughing up blood.
But knowing fully well that it was my blood that had called the hit on my life.
Who?
We’ll you’d have to come for Part 4 to find out. 😊 LEAVE ME A COMMENT & ANSWER THE POLL!!!!

It’s Part 3 of The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul by The Wordsmith @adewus4real
PART 4 drops next Saturday!
Stay up

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Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#WordsOfWednesday
© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Stories · TheRants

The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul 2

the-man-the-shadow-part-2

The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul Part 2

The morning sun was beaming through the window pane as I jumped out of bed. I noticed that my shorts were on as I grabbed my T-shirt from the chair it was rested on.

I turned to my left and made eye contact as I whispered to her

“When did you come here?”

She whispered back

“You came in here last night. Buzzed”

Oh no!
I had fallen victim again to my own body. Fuck!

I slid my slippers on and whispered as I gestured

“did we fuck last night?”

She nodded.
And we both smiled simultaneously.

“You’re bad”

I whispered again with a wry smile.
She beamed as she said

“Only for you papa”

As I took a few steps towards the door, I heard a knock

“Meji”

The person from the other side called. It was my aunt.
I waved Monsurat to sit on the bed but away from sight. As I opened the door, I stepped out and into the hallway.

“Meji, have you seen Monsurat? We can’t find her anywhere”

I placed my right hand on my head and scratched it. I finally said

“Ooh! I sent her to the market. I need some black soap”

“Black soap?

My aunt looked confused. She then said

“Why didn’t you ask me, I have some”

I shrugged and said

“Oh sorry aunty, I didn’t know.
She should be back soon”
As I turned around to head back into the room, I caught the look of Jolade from the corner of my eye. It was filled with judgment.
She knew. But she was never going to say a word.

I reentered the room and said

“She is gone but how did you end up in here.”

She smiled and slowly walked to me. She planted a kiss on my cheek and whispered

“You should be thanking me for not being loud last night”

I slid my hand down her back and squeezed her bum while I said

“You were loud the last time though”

She smiled and said

“Only because you were trying to prove a point…. I’m going to wait a few minutes before I head out. This one that your aunt is looking for me”
I left the room and heard the door lock behind me. I remember chuckling to myself as I walked out into the yard.
I was quickly met with my uncles and aunts seated in a circle gisting and catching up. Preparations for the traditional part of the wedding were under for later that afternoon.
The cow was been slaughtered. Goat meat being cooked under firewood stoked pots beneath the mango tree.

It was truly amazing to see the family all coming together. When you looked at the entire family from a birds eye view, we truly looked like we had it all together.
Working professionals, creatives, entrepreneurs and folks on the verge of fulfilling their potential; my family was beautiful but broken and I just prayed we would get through the entire weekend without any issues.

Someone called my name and I turned around. It was Chukwuka, my best friend from high school, in town for the wedding.
I shook his hand and said

“Long time no see”

He smiled back and said

“No be you dey run from me?”

…..

If you have ever been in a part of a traditional Nigerian wedding, you can tell that time is a concept that is is lost to Yoruba people. Well Nigerians as a whole if I am being honest.
It was one thing after the other, there was one point when they had all the single men in their entire family, come and beg for Jola’s hand in marriage.

A beautiful experience without a doubt but just looooong.
As I sat next to Sola, I began to scan the room.
My mind started to wander.
I was reevaluating what had happened to us. Don’t get me wrong, every family has their own drama but I always felt like that at every turn, we were only a few wrong words from an explosion.

My life mirrored that of my family; put together on the outside but very broken on the inside.
Uncles and aunts that didn’t talk, cousins that would never see eye to eye and just an all round tension that floated around the family.
I noticed Monsurat walk by, I loved her but she was in love with me.
She had been for years. The circumstances that made it so were cleared at play during the ceremony.

I wanted her to leave and come to Lagos but the loyalty she showed towards my grandmother was commendable.
It actually made her more attractive.
There were times when I would come into town and stay at a hotel, she would come over and spend time with me.

I get what you are thinking. That I am the entitled child from wealth that is taking advantage of the help.
In actual fact, it’s been the other way around. Well not exactly.
Monsurat is beautiful, one of those that you will adore the first time and her looks just captivate you.
She has such a warm smile with that darker chocolate skin tone that suggests that she might be from the northern parts of Nigeria.
All in all, she is beautiful and smart and for the last two years, I have trying to make the relationship official.
I wanted to shout it out to the whole world but she asked me not.
She invited me to see the world in her shoes and how she will be viewed as “the help that got the child to fall in love” or as a gold digger.
I totally understand how she felt and knowing how judgmental my family can be, I am glad we never said anything.

I was tired of living in the shadows.
My depression and anxiety were two of the things I battled with but I was never able to share with my family.
I also temporarily battled with sexually acting out.
From one dangerous act to the other, I kept pushing the envelope because I wanted to feel something, even if it was pain.

But some of the people that contributed heavily towards my present state, were people that I had been promised that they would love me. Because we were family.

I was getting bored and actually annoyed that they were wasting time, so I got up and headed into the house to top off my Jack and Coke.
As I headed back outside, I realized that the ladies were in the living room helping Jolade fix her gele which is a traditional head-tie.

I peeked into the room and said

“Heyyyy, I just wanted to come and say congratulations before all the second round stuff starts”

Jolade smiled at me said

“Meji, thank you so much”

she reached up and planted a kiss on my cheek.
I smiled at the other ladies in the room and turned around to leave. As I exited the room, I noticed Sola walking towards the room.

“What were you doing in there?”

He rudely asked.
I smirked and said

“None of your damn business”

As I tried to walk past him, he pushed me in my chest and said

“Who the hell are you talking to?”

I stepped back and looked him square in the face.

“Juwon, if you know you want to fucking get killed today, touch me one more time”

He stepped up to me and tried to push me, at this point, the ladies helping Jolade with her makeup and outfit, ran into the hallway and got in between us.

“Juwon, what the fuck is your problem ,huh?
Why do you fucking have a problem with me? Is everything okay with you?”

I yelled.
He reached around some of the women and poked me again and said

“You are my fucking problem, you damn snake”

I was livid and boiling inside as I yelled back

“You called me a snake?
From you???!!! Are you fucking kidding me??”

He gestured at me as he continued to be held back.
I blurted out and said

“You definitely don’t want to go there with me here because if I start talking here…”

“You don’t have shit to say like always! Always making shit up, stop fucking lie”

He yelled back to me.
I kid you not, my chest must have jumped out of my heart. Yes, you read that correctly.
I wanted to jump over all those people holding me back and rip his throat out.
As I tried to push them off saying

“E fi mi le”
“Leave me alone”

His mother, my aunt, my mother and some other family members had now filled up the room.

“Aunty, tell your son to stop trying to start problems wherever he goes. We are tired of it”

My mom frowned and said

“What do you mean? What did he do?”

“Ask him!”

He shouted back.
His mother jumped in and said to him

“You will speak to your aunt with respect. Now what is wrong with both of you?!
This is Jola’s special day and you are both doing your best to ruin it. What is going on?”

I relaxed a bit and said

“There won’t be any problems if Juwon just stays in his lane and leaves me alone”

He got riled up again and said

“And if I don’t leave you alone? What will you do? Cry like a little pussy that you are. You are weak and thats why you are fucking alone. Your life is sorry and no one is able to tell you!”

I won’t lie, upon reflection, those words cut deep because there was some truth to it, I didn’t realize what was like a defense mechanism when I blurted out

“At least it is better than brother and sister fucking each other!”

Everyone gasped and the entire room went silent. All eyes turned to a fully clad Jola and then to Juwon and then back to me.
A few awkward moments and suddenly Jola ran out of the room and into the living room. There was another door that led to the front of the house and I think she left through there.

Some tried to follow her and Juwon again tried to launch at me before people grabbed him. My aunt, teary eyed, walked towards me and said

“You just wanted to tear my family apart?”

I replied without a flinch and without any remorse,

“They broke me first”

Thank you for READING. PLEASE COMMENT and answer the poll below. 3 lucky readers will get a first look on Part 3.

 

It’s Part 2 of The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul by The Wordsmith @adewus4real
PART 3 drops next Saturday!
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The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul

the-man-the-shadow

The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul

I’ve lost
I’ve gained
My life has changed
Nothing is the same
Scars and pains
Crossed our names
Regret and shame
A dawn of a new age
The past feels like a burden
It all spun out in a sudden
There are memories to grasp
Some that will hold you back
As I stare in this pool of tears and laughs
I flash back
To a time where it all laid flat
No mountains to climb
Or valleys that doubled as death traps
A lair for an ambush
An open forum to disseminate the truth
This is life
This is the bread that hardens in the sunlight
Tasteless
It rips and shreds
Like dried rose petals
The colors bloom and then fade
One thing remains
Me
I’ve loved and lost
I’ve tried again and wanted more
But life is like a revolving door
Some in and others out before a new dawn
I’ve lost while in love
And there is more and more
This is me
The one that matters at the end of it all

          I woke up as the convoy pulled into the house. There is a notorious bump in the driveway to my grandaunt’s house that cars always had to go over as we arrived. It woke me up and I looked around.
We were home.
I wasn’t the only one asleep on the ride from Lagos to my hometown, Ilawe Ekiti.
That 4hour drive had always been gruesome and painful but since I moved out of Nigeria, it was more bearable.
I actually looked forward to it now since I didn’t get a chance to come back home often.

We all dismounted the car as I stretched. The maid Monsurat, ran out and came to greet us. There was a beaming smile on her face. Pure joy.
Monsurat, now a college graduate, began to work for my grandmother when she was 14. I was 10.
I remember her going to a day school closer to the house while we were at “better” schools.
My aunt made sure that she got an education while also taking her under her wing as both of her parents were extremely poor.
She was so happy to see us. Hugs as we made our way into the house, the beautiful aroma of the traditional Isapa soup greeted us.
I could hear the Iyan (Pounded yam) getting made in the back of the house.
Memories.

My grandmother was not home. Apparently she was out running errands with one of my aunts as preparations for my cousins wedding drew to a close.
From far and near, the house filled up by nighttime. I woke up from my nap on the living room couch to a new wave of arrivals.
My cousins the Adesina’s, had just arrived. Their family was the first to hit wealth in our extended unit. My aunt Bunmi, married an oil magnate in the late 70’s and six children came as a result. The last two are much closer to me in age but the rest are distant in age and interactions.
Her last born was getting married, Jolade. She was the last born and only girl my aunt had, you can imagine how spoiled she was.
We couldn’t stand her growing up but she very quickly grew into a phenomenal woman, and at 28 she is one that we are all really proud of.

“Meji! It’s been a minute”

She called out as she hugged me tightly. She was like a big sister to me.
Warm and always very protective especially during my secondary school days as we went to the same school. Our family had connections at one of the finest local boarding schools. So it was almost a rite of passage to get your life experience there.

“Mj, you look good!
Team beard gang now I see? You better shave it before they think you are part of Boko Haram o”

I smiled back and said

“So you want me to cut it tonight? So I can be fresh faced for your wedding this weekend?”

I laughed as she squeezed her face in disapproval.

“You better don’t try it. I need you giving them sultry looks at the wedding. Let those young girls know we have fine men in our family!”

I nodded and smiled hard as someone hugged her and moved her along.
Side conversations were happening as the living room was filled up. It was out of the corner of my eye that I noticed Juwon.
He is Jolade’s immediate older brother and the terrier of the family. And for a few reasons he did not like me.
This I understood very well and I always played my part in avoiding interactions with him. But that day it almost boiled over.
I was walking back from getting Suya (Skewered meat with spices) with another one of my cousins. As we made our way into the compound, I could hear someone on the phone but it was dark, so I couldn’t make out the face.
Nearing person, I realized it was Juwon. As we walked past him, I heard him hiss very loudly.
I had every intention to let it slide but something in me refused to let it be.
I stopped and as I was about to turn around, my other cousin with me said

“Mj, let it be”

My family called me Mj because as a kid, I loved Michael Jackson and I would mime all his songs but also because it was a cool shortening of my actual name.
I turned and said

“Sola, I go meet you inside”

I don’t know if it was the palm wine I drank at the suya joint but I walked up to Juwon and said

“Hey, what the fuck is your problem?”

Now for context, Juwon is about 8 years older than me.
He ended the call and said

“Do you know who the fuck you are talking to?”

I scoffed and said

“Juwon, we aint kids no more and you are not in charge of shit around here. I have kept my mouth shut all these years out of respect for your sister and this family. But best believe that if you cross me, I don’t care how old you are, I will fuck you up.
You don’t know me and lets keep it that way”

He seemed visibly taken back but gathered himself to say

“You kept your mouth shut because you have dirt too and that doesn’t change the fact that I am not your mate”

I moved up closer to him till there was only about an inch of space between us and I said

“Listen to me clearly, don’t fuck with me”

As my last word tailed off, I heard the generator in the back of the house roar and noticed one of my uncles and my mom walking through the main gate.

“Ki le yin se ninu okunkun eyin boys”
“what are you boys doing in the dark out here”

My mom said as they walked into the house. My mom put her hand on my head and playfully rubbed it as all four of us walked back into the house.
She knew what had almost happened. There were secrets within our family.
And almost everyone had a chapter they tucked away.

……

The next day was a Thursday. It was in the evening as we did a “meet and greet” of extended families.
The grooms family, mostly staying in hotels in the area, came to the house.
Just think of a huge barbecue with a catered chef and unlimited drinks.
Some more of our family members had arrived and it was beginning to seem like a struggle to keep track.

But it was a good time. Good music, good vibes and just all round fun with everyone.
I was even beginning to notice some beautiful women on the grooms side, this union seemed like the beginning of a fruitful partnership. 😊

I think it was because I was at home and there were upwards of 80 people there but I wasn’t keeping track of how much I was drinking.
I was getting really tipsy and usually when I do, I get really quiet. Which is exactly what I did.
My vision was blurry as I tried to look at my phone.
I rose and told my cousin Sola that I was going to lay down for a bit and come back.

I made my way into the house and towards my room. Sola and I were sharing that room.
As I opened the door the lights invited themselves into the room without knocking.
Creeping through the lines in the curtains, they allowed me to take in enough of the view laid bare before me.
It was her.
Her curves, her smile shined bright in the dimly lit room. She got up and leaned in to kiss me.
One kiss.
And I moved to kissing her around her neck. Holding the back of her head in my left hand, my wet tongue canvassed her neck as she moaned into my left ear.

My right hand rummaged through quickly and found safety within her blouse.
Alternating between soft and firm squeezes of her breasts, my hand cupped them with love and control.
She moaned some more.
The kisses got fainter and I soon flipped her over.

Back lifted, I pulled down her panties faster than I downed the drinks from earlier.
A few more kisses around her navel and my lips met with hers.
It was sweet and wet.
The more I kissed them passionately, the more they flooded the creases around my teeth.
The cavity of my mouth was filled up with her juices.
My tongue worked tirelessly getting to know her.
My brain orchestrated my tongue as I twisted and turned exploring her depths.
Deeper and deeper I went, searching for things words could not express. She moaned faintly but the blasting music from outside drowned out her voice.

There is a dedication to the way I explored her pink.
The layers, the moist, the ability to command my attention; I loved it all.
My throbbing member, laid in waiting, joined the party.
The condom proving the thinest and most important barrier between us and newness, I dug deep.
Thrusting and grinding, I slid in and out.

Minutes passed and over I turned her.
From the back, it seemed like I saw all of her.
Flaws and all, I identified her reaches, highs and lows.
As she threw all of herself back into me, it felt like I was meeting her again.
Reintroducing myself without saying my name.
Her moans signified agreement as I pulled her hair and she bit down on my fingers.
Harder, I pounded as the pain coursed through my hands and into my widened hips.
Her head tilted all the way back, her moans were laced with profane words as my balls offered a steady sensitivity that I refused to offer outside of the bed.
And in time, I came.
A kiss on her back. I slid out of her and stood up.
Condom off, lights in the bathroom soon went on.
I wrapped the condom in some toilet paper and flushed it down the toilet.
Turning the faucet on, to cold water, I stroked my still upright member as I dabbed on some hand soap into the mix.
It only took a few minutes and I was satisfied with the wash down.
And then it happened.
I saw me.
As I glanced into the mirror, I was washed with disgust.
At myself and the emptiness in the sexual encounter I had just authorized.
I stood there and watched the sweat still dripping down my chest and shook my head.
A flick of the wrist and the scene closed out.
I headed back into the room and there she was, gently snoring away.

I snuck into my bed and laid on my chest.
I finally caught my breath and right before I could think, she wrapped her hands around me and snuggled up close to me.
I cringed.
Don’t get me wrong. I liked her.
But for some reason, I hated when she touched me.
I was so tired though, a few minutes later, I was gone.
Knocked out.

You know when you are asleep and in a dream but hearing things from your reality? Like your mom’s really loud voice calling your name or your aunt shouting

“Monsurat, Monsurat”

around the house.
It took me a few seconds before I jumped out of my sleep. Startling the lady that was sleeping on me.
She looked at me in shock as she gathered herself and I tried to apologize without being too loud.
Then my aunt yelled out again as she knocked on doors

“Monsurat!”

I turned to my right and my eyes grew big. Hers too.
Oh no!
#WhatTheHeckMan

End of Part 1

Welcome to your first rollercoaster ride of 2017. Buckle up, it gets bumpy! 😊 If you’re mad at that ending, leave me a comment .

Thank you for READING. PLEASE COMMENT, it boosts my intensity and feedback is always welcome! ❤️

It’s Part 1 of The Man, The Shadow: Diary of a Lost Soul by The Wordsmith @adewus4real
PART 2 drops next Saturday!
Stay up

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#WordsOfWednesday
© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Stories · TheRants

I Got a DUI…

“I Got a DUI…”

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Breathing Underwater by Emeli Sandé

Click play before you read.

A twirl
She bopped her head and danced away in her towel
Careless and free
A smile worth any man’s pain
She leaned in close to the camera
I tilted my head for a better view
She puckered up
Then I asked
“Is this new?”

The tune blasted from the portable speakers
I watched her attempt to wine her waist
Simultaneously covering her beautiful black skin in coconut oil
She glowed from the inside
Her singing voice
Death to any tune
Sailed through my phone
I cringed and attempted to end the FaceTime call, but she smiled even more
Her smile was amazing
A close second to how beautiful she was
A new song
A different top
Lace panties on
She asked
“Should I keep the necklace on.”

A kiss goodbye
And a confident Queen sailed into the night
My overprotective warning as a gift goodbye
It was meant to be a great night with some good friends
A bar and a lounge
A chance to forget the 5 slave days that seemed like they would never end
I looked forward to tipsy snaps
Filled with her joyful laughs
They never came
Instead, I got a text
“Pulled over.”

My heart raced
I feared the worst
Her career, her family, her emotions
Her
I began to panic
Waiting for the follow-up
I waited and waited
Then I fell asleep on the couch
Morning came, and she texted again
This time I could breathe a bit
She hadn’t been detained
Another FaceTime call
She answered as she merged onto the highway
I asked
“No DUI?”

No DUI
The system couldn’t add any more toxins into her life
Her stream was filled with unwanted elements she couldn’t account for
The hospital concluded her drink had been spiked at that bar
Yes
A Queen out on the night to share her beauty with the world,
Could have been violated by a peasant with no regard for royalty
How dare he?
She looked tired
Lips chapped
Sleep, a distant companion
She headed home
Tempering my anger at my entire gender
I asked
“Are you okay?

The follow-up came hours later
She texted
“911”
To my friends that was a sounding call
Send that, and everything stops
Full attention to your aching heart
So I Facetimed her again
This time I said no words
Tears streamed down her cheeks
It dawned
She was almost raped last night
Things she had only heard about on Twitter feeds and passing conversations

It almost happened to her
And that was a painful pill
Another thing she never planned to ingest
Her eyes welled, and she shed tears
Of pain and sadness
That even in a world she loves so much
Some continue to try and hurt her
There are no words to say that can make it go away
But like I said to my friend
I am sorry on behalf of all of us
No woman, man or any other deserves to be violated
None at all

Please be watchful and vigilant around EVERYONE. My friend nearly became a victim of something so painful and damaging. Hold those around you accountable and let’s look out for each other.
Educate and please be an ally for everyone you can. Thank you.

It’s #WordsOfWednesday by The Wordsmith @adewus4real

Stay up!

My New Series will be out on 2.4.17
Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#WordsOfWednesday
© 2017 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Stories · TheRants · Uncategorized

Pain & Pleasure in Feeling #WordsOfWednesday

 

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It is 7:03pm.
I just walked into the house. I flicked on the lights with my right hand, turned to my left and headed into the hallway. There, I turned on the heater and set my knee brace down in my room.

I wonder where my ring is. I usually wear it on the middle finger of my right hand but I haven’t been able to find it for about two days now.
Oh well.

Sooo… now I am sitting on the floor of my living room. The heater is blowing too loud to my left.
My feet are crossed.
The next words are being typed and here we are.

Something I have enjoyed about writing is it allows me to talk , spill my heart even when my mouth is shut.

Christmas is in a few days and I don’t feel the spirit nor do I feel festive but it will be nice to have a long weekend.
Every year for the last few years, I have sat down and written who and what I have been thankful for.

This year was harder.
I wrote about most of it in my last piece but I think I finally realized what I was thankful for.
By losing so much, I realized how much I gained.
There is a similar feeling I have right now, to the one I had at the end of last year.
So yes, I have told myself, that I let myself down.

But I realized, you don’t have to please anybody but your family and God.
Truly.
I spent so much time trying to be politically correct and “right” for folks that won’t deserve it.
Also, realizing that you are all you’ve got. At the end of the day, when the chips are down, all you really need is you.
So 2017 is about getting better with self, purpose, art and God.
Focus and channel your strength into all those things.

One thing I realized was that, intentionally or unintentionally, the things I channeled the most effort into are the things I succeeded at this year.
Keep your circle small. Keep your head down. And just be the best you.
Those goals you have lined out for 2017, chase those harder than anything out there.
Pray about them. Chase them. Pursue those goals.
2016, I am thankful for painful lessons.
I tried to love this year. I did.
Infant, I might have loved or at least what felt like it.
Truth is this, if you are not totally ready in 2017 and beyond, stay single. Tattoo it to your forehead and enjoy your time.
If you are not filled up, you will have nothing to give.
Ultimately you will hurt yourself and those you might even have intentions of loving.

Be true to you.
Protect your peace.
Cherish your happiness.
Do your best to show the people you genuinely love AND those that truly LOVE YOU, the best care you can.
Never give up on yourself. Even when others give up on you.
Cry if you have to and then get up.

It is okay to be alone, as long as you are happy and fulfilled.
Stress should be a thing of the past.
Do not deal with folks that hover for chaos.
Let your passions and purpose direct your path.
I know this piece is a bit all over the the place but it’s reflective of my mood right now.

2016. What a bloody wawuuuuu….

Parents
Thank you for always reminding me that I have you and I have God.
My mom would always redirect it back to place of safety in Christ. It was so hard to admit to her that I felt like I lost a bit of my way but truly grateful for the unconditional love parents show.

Ninzlo
There is a gift of foresight that God has given you. It is amazing.
So many times this year, you could have justifiably said
“Sanmi, I told you” or “I warned you”
I know you sometimes desperately want to but thank you for not.
Thank you for being a listening ear for holding me up. Praying for and with me.
Standing by me even when I have doubted my art, my truth, myself.
You are real one and I pray for a bigger 2017 for you.
It’s already loading anyways. Baba God no dey sleep! But you are still very annoying!

 

BeingBola
Man, so much of this year, you were everything. The aftermath of the fire.
When I felt depression creeping back in, even when I couldn’t verbalize. The thankless things you did. The morning voice notes of prayer.
When you would fight for me and pull me up.
This one is hard because of where things are now. But I trust God and I trust his word.
I pray for a better 2017 for you. And I pray he truly grants all your hearts desires. And I pray you find love.
And someone that you will feel safe to let go. And someone that will never give up on you.

 

Echeme
You are like a silent pillar.
2016, you were a bit scarce. More than you have been in recent years. A lot happened for you too but life in general was a challenge that we overcome. I always feel a sense of warmth and grounding when I talk to you.
We haven’t had one of those “hit your core” talks in a min. Now you ran and went to Nigeria. Useless.
I am happy for you and your love. It reminds me of a time and now inspires me back to a place I once knew.
Thanks brother.

 

AyoB
Man!
There is a level of vulnerability that came with meeting you and beginning to know you.
You are truly a gift. Somehow you have your way. The way you challenge me, I don’t get to slouch or have the easy route. I truly appreciate that.
And you steady giving them!
You have brought so much light to my path this year and I pray the same for you in 2017. Thank you so much.

 

Itafe
Yoooooooooooooooo. Where would I be without you?
You are just a pleasure in my life. A true definition of a brother.
A blessing.
You make me laugh effortlessly and you ALWAYS put a smile on my face.
Your advice, your humility and your honesty is so refreshing. You are truly one of the good guys.
And I am thankful for you. Like gahhh.. aint gonna cry but I love you bro.

 

D-O
I don’t think you have decided if you want to stay in my life and stop stressing me out or stay and keep stressing me out. Lol
But make up your damn mind!
Me I don tire o.
You were an unlikely confidant, one that I would sometimes even forget to thank but you have been truly amazing. Thank you for all of the times you weren’t fighting me lol

Mallamsawyer
There is an energy you bring. Genuineness in interactions that I admire.
You make people around you feel really good. And that is what I aspire to be always. We met on July 2nd and every interaction I have had with you since then has been positive. You might not even have realized it.
So thank you for your telling mark. It has been a blessing.
And to everyone new that I have met that is becoming more important in my life as the days go by, I appreciate you all. OO, TJ, Pepe, Jua,

For a long time, I spent 2016 trying to feel sorry for the things I lost but I had to become thankful for so much more.
For lessons, perspective, growth and the love of those that matter.
You won’t believe that it can get better but it does.
it really does.

Let thanksgiving never depart from your mouth.
There will be tears of overwhelm and of joy. But amongst all things, give thanks!
There is so much to look forward to in 2017!
No jokes!

I will be back to giving you monthly series. #TheRants will only be more impactful.
The book will finally come out. And that web series is definitely being worked on.
So trust me when I say 2017 is mine. It’s ours.
Its for #TheRants. Its for positive and powerful people.

It is for #WhatTheHeckMan

Check out my weekend offering. I will be releasing a one part story this Saturday. See the flyer below.

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Till next time ladies and gentlemen!
Bless Up!
7:38pm

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#SanmiSaturdays

© 2016 #WhatTheHeckMan

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#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Stories · TheRants · Uncategorized

Bella 4

bella

Mad Over You by Runtown

Standing over the kitchen sink and looking outside the window into the small backyard of the condo, my head was spinning.

Why was this my luck?

Why couldn’t I just fall for a man who would treat me right and not come with added stress?

You know when you are consumed by so much anger and you  want to cry it out?

Like shed the tears before you act and do something you would regret.

I am not sure how long I had been standing there but I heard Tabitha walk into the room.

She said

“Bella, is everything okay?”

I smiled and tried to play it off but in my mind, I was

“asking how in the hell could everything be okay?!

You just sprung a baby on me!!!!”

“How are you ma?

How was your trip?”

I deflected.

She smiled and walked up to. Complete disregard for personal space.

She stood a mere two fee away from me and said

“I see you trying to be strong and thats commendable. It is okay to be angry or disappointed.”

There was a sudden comfort in knowing she understood what I was feeling. She continued and said

“From what I am gathering, you didn’t know that Darrell had a child?..”

I nodded.

She then smiled and said

“If it is any consolation. Neither did he.

He doesn’t even know yet. So it is up to us, you and I, to figure out how to break it to him”

Suddenly, I didn’t feel like the focal point.

It wasn’t about me.

This man didn’t even know that he had fathered a child out in the world. He was only a few hours away from returning home and I had to figure out how to tell him that he would be a daddy…to two children.

….

“So Tabitha (she insisted I call her that), how do you know that it is Darrell’s and who is the mother?’

She sipped from her tea and set it on the coaster.

She leaned back in her seat and started

“I came back from a funeral about 3days ago. I was in the shower when I heard a knock on the door.

It took me a few minutes to make it out but when I did, there was no one at the door. Just this beautiful baby boy.

I could tell he was Darrell’s just from how draw I was to him. His eyes.

There was a birth certificate in the car seat and it was signed by Darrell’s ex wife but had his name listed as the father.

I pondered on what do but there was no way in hell that I was going to tell him that kind of information over the phone.

So I spoke to my pastor and booked a flight. And here we are.

I tried to contact her but she did not answer. She and Darrell never had a bad divorce, so I don’t know why she did this but here we are”

She sighed and picked up her tea again while she glanced over to the baby peacefully sleeping on the couch. He was beautiful.

Tucked behind a wall of pillows, he was just safe.

“How old is he?”

I asked.

“7 months.”

She replied

“His name is Devon”

I sat back in my chair and rested on my right side while my left hand rubbed my bulging stomach.

“I don’t know what to do Ms. Tabitha. I don’t know how to tell Darrell.

This is a lot”

She smiled and said

“There is nothing we cannot conquer under the sun. Besides, that is why I am here.

You will not be doing this alone”

I will be here with you”

There truly was something comforting about her. I knew there was a reason her son was so amazing.

She smiled and sipped from her tea again and then placed the cup down.

…..

I was talking to my cousin on the phone up in our bedroom when I heard Darrell’s car pull up in the driveway.

My heart started to beat really fast.

I remember glancing at my Fitbit on my left wrist and exhaling.

Heading down the stairs, I caught a glimpse of Ms. Tabitha.

She was standing by the front door.

She smiled as I approached and she stretched out her right hand and squeezed my left hand.

I was nervous.

The door opened and Darrell stood shocked in the doorway.

It was as if he couldn’t believe that his mother was standing there.

She moved closed to him and opened her arms.

He leaned in and took in her hug.

“Mom, what are you doing here?”

She smiled and said

“I came to see my son”

as she patted him on his cheek.

He placed his bag by the bookshelf to the right of the door and kissed me on the lips as he said

“Hey baby”

I forced a smile and he caught it.

He said

“Whats wrong babe?”

Before I could respond, his mom said

“D, come sit down. I need to talk to you”

He looked at me with a slight frown and said

“Okay…”

as he took his seat on the couch.

I sat on the loveseat closest to his mother as she started talking.

“So a few days ago, it came to my attention that you have a son.

You ex wife dropped him off at my home and here I am…

There is a lot more to the story but I am sure you know it better than either one of us.

The child is here with me because I wanted you to know and meet him. I can fully step up and raise him like I did you.

I totally understand wanting to start afresh with Bella. But I wanted to make sure I let you know”

Darrell looked stunned.

It took him a moment to process and then he said

“So she lied when she said she miscarried…

Wow”

I wanted to get up and go to him but I also knew that he needed space.

He looked like he was angry and shocked at the same time.

But true to character, he took a deep breath and said

“Where is my son?”

His mother pointed to the guest room.

The way Darrell held him, I could tell. I could tell that through all the mistakes I made with Mfon, this was the man.

Tears began to roll down his cheeks as he kissed Devon on the forehead.

He turned and looked at me and before he could speak, I said

“Devon”

A wry smile and the tears streamed down.

He was proud.

There was going to be an aftermath to this event but in that moment, all that mattered was the moment.

He loved that child from the moment he set his eyes on him.

And I loved him even more.

Ms. Tabitha returned home and then came back to stay with us.

As I neared delivery and Devon moved in, I needed extra hands and she was truly my rock.

A perfect mother in law and I couldn’t be more thankful.

A new chapter was upon us and my structured story seemed like it was being written on a fresh page, filled with color and love.

…..

Everything was happening fast.

I was so excited for my future and the challenges to come.

I essentially was raising two new borns at the same time.

I think it was shortly after my sister had posted my pictures from the maternity shoot, but I received a call that shook me.

It was Mfon.

He called that afternoon and we spoke for a little while.

In that conversation, he apologized.

He told me that he saw my pictures with Darrell and he could tell I was happy.

Him not signing the papers was only because he could not come to terms with the fact that he let things get bad between.

I urged him to seek help and follow his heart.

If he wanted to be loved by the same sex, he should live his truth.

He told me that he had sent the papers over.

Signed.

And that I could come and take whatever items I wanted from the house, as Darrell and I moved into our new home.

It made me chuckle because that was how he was. Trying to do the sweet thing.

But it was unnecessary.

My life had moved forward and I didn’t want anything from the past to follow on.

Our chapter closed and that was the last time we spoke.

Darrell was facing his own challenges with his ex wife. She was being very difficult and trying to start a custody battle with him over Devon.

Even after she dropped him off!

I was furious but Darrell always told me not to stress.

One evening I heard him yelling on the phone to her

“…you just want Devon because Bella is being a better mother than you would ever be!

You gave him up! and now you want him back?!

No way… take me to court!

I will fight this with every bone in me! I can promise you that!”

When he came up to bed that night, I didn’t say a word.

I kissed his forehead and told him I loved him.

I knew it wasn’t the solution he sought but it was the best I had.

….

PLEASE DON’T FORGET TO SELECT MY NEXT SERIES BELOW.

….

A few days later, my life changed.

My status changed and my world began to orbit around another. My daughter and heart; Daisy.

I will never forget the pain and strength it took to arrive there.

Everything I had been through to that point was a precursor to where I needed to be.

Divorce, heartbreak, betrayal, restarting.

None of it came close to those moments when they asked me to push and I had past my limit of pushing.

But somehow as a mother, you dig deep.

Deeper.

Deeper than you have even gone.

You get lost in the love and life you bring that you forget the pain the world tries to make you see.

I fought for Daisy.

But I had fought for her before she was conceived.

This was Mfon’s child as well but she was all mine.

So here I was through all I stayed through, trying to hold my last marriage together.

I was about to start a family with a man who fathered a child with another and I was bringing a daughter that shared another father.

Life.

But it was my story and as I lay in that recovery room with Daisy in Ms. Tabitha’s hands, I was content.

Gathering my strength back, Darrell came up to me and sat next to me.

He leaned in and kissed my forehead as I forced a smile.

He smiled and then got serious as he said

“Bella, I am proud of you.

Through everything you have been through

You have been a rock

From every turn

And how life tried to make you stop

You conquered all

You are woman

My woman

A fighter and a warrior

A  beaming torch in dark world

You are a mother to these kids and to me

And I promise to love you like its the first time

I swear I will”

My eyes filled up.

I couldn’t say much but

“Darrell, I fucking love you”

He smiled and said

“Shhhh…we have kids now!

You can’t be using that kind of language”

I laughed.

A few minutes passed and then he said

“Oh babe, I noticed there was a huge purchase on the Chase credit card, was that you?”

I laughed even harder.

He smiled but looked surprised and then he said

“Whats funny babe?”

I continued to chuckle and then I stopped and said

“Let’s just say that someone’s ex wife will be receiving a huge delivery of expired baby food”

Still confused he said

“Who?”

I squeezed his hand and said

“Don’t worry my love. Don’t worry”

It clicked for him and he said

“Bella!

You are so petty!”

I smiled, shrugged and said

“At least, I’m still beautiful right?”

He nodded and leaned in for a kiss as he said

“Yes you are. Oh yes you are”

The End.

Bella is a story of triumph and glory. A thank you to women.

To those that stand firm and fight hard. For what they believe in and what is right.

There is a Bella in all of us. She went through so much. Life threw curve balls at her and she stayed strong. Think of your life, your 2016 and how many times you have falled but gotten back up. How many times did people do you wrong and expecte you to fail?
You are a fighter and a winner.

I wrote Bella for the women I know in my life that have been through one battle or another and those who are striving for better each day.
Your strength is life and life will favor you.
Never give up.
Be less petty.
And always happy.

Bella is my gift to you. Your true beauty is a gift to the world.

PLEASE COMMENT. 

~New series drops on Saturday! Do not miss it~

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

#SanmiSaturdays

© 2016 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African · Art · Bloggers · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Nigerian Writers · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Stories · TheRants · Uncategorized

Bella 3

bella-1

Part 3

“You stupid bastard!”

I yelled as Darrell held me back.

Mfon clutched his face as he recovered from the heat and shock that just slapped him.

I wanted to strangle him.

“You stupid piece of shit. You really had me out here crying over your sorry ass!”

I was spewing all sorts of curses on his head.

All I remember was being carried out of the restaurant.

My fingers were sticky from some of the coffee. I was dripping in rage as the once sweet syrup that soaked our love, now tasted like stale burnt bread.

As I waited for Darrell to come out of the now chaotic restaurant. The police showed up.

They walked right past us and into the restaurant. Darrell, came out and we got into the car.

He didn’t speed or anything.

He just drove.

We arrived back at the house and he turned off the engine.

Mine was still running-overdrive.

I was filled with so much anger.

It truly felt like I had been injected with a cocktail of emotions. At an alarming speed, my brain was combing through emotions.

He quietly exited the car and walked into the house.

I just sat there; thinking and scheming.

I wanted to get him back.

I wanted to make him pay. This man put his hands on me.

And left marks that scarred beyond the physical. There was a mixture of failure and a resolution to make him pay, in the worst ways.

I considered telling his family members and the entire Nigerian community.

If only I was truly that wicked but I knew I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I almost felt cuffed by the institution. But I only had myself to blame.

After all, I went in there and asked them to join me to this worthless being.

I hated the church.

I hated my family.

Questioned my own instincts and suddenly I arrived at it; I blamed Bella.

I must have been in the car for a minute because when I walked in Darrell was asleep.

I headed straight for the shower after I placed my purse down.

The water was really hot. I lowered myself to the floor of the shower and just allowed the water to beat my skin.

Each drop burned but not as much as every memory that floated into my mind.

I really wanted to not think about him. I thought of the two years wasted.

Of all the things I put on hold for the betterment of this man.

I swear, I felt used.

My mind went back to our wedding night.

How handsome he looked in that tuxedo. How his smile lit up the room and tickled my pink.

How I couldn’t wait to be his wife. How I couldn’t wait to cook for him. Pray for and with him. Hold him up.

How I couldn’t wait for him to enter me in the worst ways. And then he threw it all away for someone else. Much less another man.

I started crying and I didn’t know I was loud until I heard Darrell come in.

He said,

“Babe, are you okay?”

I didn’t bother to stop crying.

He came in closer and said,

“Bella, are you okay?”

“I’m okay. I just want to be by myself”

I replied through water.

He stopped in his tracks and said,

“But Bella, I am here for you.”

I could feel his helplessness but I truly just wanted to be alone.

I heard him exit the bathroom.

The shower was not refreshing. I walked out feeling physically clean and emotionally soiled.

I dried myself off and walked into the room.

He was sitting upright in the dark on his phone. As I walked into the room, he placed his phone down and the room was pitch black except for the lighting from the DVR beneath the television.

I hit the light switch and the room lit up.

Standing by the bathroom door with a glum face, I opened my mouth and tried to speak but the words didn’t come out.

I could see the anticipation in his eyes, he wanted to know what he could do to fix it for me.

But there was no short fix.

I stood there and tried again.

This time the words came out.

“Darrell, I’m pregnant.”

His eyes grew big and he seemed excited for a brief second and then it vanished.

He then said,

“Is it mine?”

My head dropped.

I replied,

“No, its not.”

He got up and walked to me.

His arms provided the warmth and his heart the safety I needed. He wrapped them around me and kissed my forehead.

I wasn’t sure how things would play out but in that moment I felt safe.

……

The weeks slowly added up and I fully moved in to Darrell’s place. He was still shuttling between both cities and I would stay in the house when he was gone.

I was still in love with this man.

It was happening with each passing day.

I would find myself picking up the nuggets from my last experience and trying to apply them with Darrell.

He was so sweet and considerate. I could see him going the extra mile for me and wanting to take care of me.

My belly was growing and my anger towards Mfon was reducing.

I was feeling myself allowing him back in.

I really did not want to forgive but I could not hold my anger.

The days were long as I worked part time and mostly from home. I had too much time on my hands.

Mfon would call and try to explain himself. Our families also wouldn’t take their foot off the gas.

Everyone wanted me to forgive him for the sake of the baby.

You see my view was that I had always hesitated around bringing a baby into the world. And now I was going through with it, with a man I could not trust. So I had to be sure, I protected my child and most importantly my own life.

One evening, I was in the worst of moods.

In limbo, I hated where I was. Mid divorce, pregnant and living in the house of another man.

I think when I envisioned my life as a woman, none of those things came to mind as possibilities.

So I felt unfulfilled and behind schedule. Angry at myself and some of the decisions that got me there.

I was in my feelings as Darrell returned from a long shift.

In my mind, I knew that it was the best time for the kind of conversation I was about to start with him. But somewhere in there, I needed that validation. I needed to hear him say the things I wanted to hear.

“How was your day?”

I asked him as he unbuttoned his shirt.

Without looking at me, he replied,

“It was good. Just really long”

I went quiet for a bit and then I said,

“I was thinking today…what are we doing here?”

He glanced at me and said,

“What do you mean?”

“I just want to know what we are doing here. This baby, getting the divorce, living with you. I just want to know. What are your plans?

Why am I here?”

He looked confused as he slid on his shorts. He said,

“We have talked about this before and I think you know my intentions. So why is this coming up?”

I scoffed and said,

“You know what, never mind.”

He growled in frustration and said,

“Bella, you know thats mad annoying. Can you please just tell me whats going on?”

I knew I had him. But I couldn’t just bring myself to speak up then.

“Darrell its nothing really”

He was trying so hard to not lose his cool. He sighed as he came and sat next to me.

He asked me again,

“Bella, if something is the matter, can you lets just talk about it now.

There is no reason to start something and then say nothing.”

I still didn’t respond.

He waited a few minutes and then he sighed really loudly and got up.

As he was about to talk, I spoke,

“So what am I to you?

This version of a wife in your home. Am I just here so you can feel good about yourself?

Do you even care about me?… Like wtf happens when this baby comes?

You’ll just be over me”

I looked at his face as I stopped talking. Shock, anger, disappointment and disgust all mixed in one.

He took a step back and said,

“Bella, are you fucking serious right now?”

I looked away. He didn’t say much after that.

“Bella, you know better and you are just wrong for all that. I have nothing to say.

I’ll sleep in the other room.”

He exited the room and I think that sent me over the edge.

Now I was so angry at myself because I didn’t get what I wanted and there was no hope of me getting it.

I cried that night as I felt empty.

He never left that room all night.

The next morning, he was gone before I woke up.

I went into the room, hoping to apologize and he wasn’t there.

I tried to go about my day, hoping to apologize for my childish behavior later that night.

So when I heard a knock on the door around midday, I was nervously excited. I thought he had come back from work early and we were going to squash things.

I made my way to the door and opened it up without looking through the peephole and there he was.

Mfon.

….

“Mfon, what are you doing here?”

I was surprised and certainly taken aback.

He tried to smile.

“I had to see you, Bella”

He replied.

“How did you get this address?”

I asked,

“I just asked the right questions. Can I come in?”

I replied with a sharp,

“No”

He nodded and continued,

“Well I just wanted to let you know that I want your forgiveness and I am willing to work for it.

But more importantly, I am not letting go. I want to be in the life of my child, so I will do everything possible”

I nodded and said,

“I have nothing against you being in the life of our child but I just want to be clear that we are over.

I would really appreciate if you just signed the papers and allowed the courts to do their job.

This whole year has been stressful enough. I just want to move on”

Still standing at the foot of the stairs, he looked up to me and said,

“I’m not signing those papers”

I couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth. I wanted to jump on him and bite his neck off.

“Are you fucking kidding me? After everything!

You better sign those papers or I will make your life a living hell Mfon, a living hell!”

I was fuming and yelling at the top of my lungs when I noticed Darrell’s car pulling up.

He parked in the driveway and hopped out.

Mfon turned and started to back away.

As he walked away, he said,

“I’ll be in touch”

Darrell walked past him as he nodded.

As he got close to me and said,

“What did he want?”

I turned around and walked into the house.

Darrell followed me in and said,

“Bella, are you okay?”

I turned and said,

“No!

No I’m not okay!

He’s not letting me move on”

Darrell moved closer to me and then he took my hand.

He looked down at me as I looked up to him and very softly, he said,

“Marry me”

I couldn’t believe the words. I stepped back and said,

“What?”

He didn’t bat an eye.

He repeated himself,

“Marry me Bella”

All I could think was WhatTheHeckMan.

…..

I was on a cloud.

In a different planet to be very honest.

The stars were beneath my toes and I felt so happy.

The way Darrell took care of me, ladies would understand. He checked the boxes and I could see a great father in him.

The lawyers were doing their work and the divorce process was nearing a close.

We had started looking at homes in the area and preparing for our next chapter.

Everything was falling in place.

I was returning from the grocery store that Sunday evening. As I emptied the trunk and I was taking the groceries into the house, a car pulled up and an older woman came out.

She stopped me and said,

“You must be Bella”

I nodded and said,

“Yes and you are?”

She smiled and said,

“My name is Tabitha and I am Darrell’s mother.”

I felt a twitch. I had heard so much about her and I was very sad that we hadn’t properly met.

“Oh my God!

It’s so nice to meet you ma. Come in!”

She smiled really big and took in my hug before pulling away and becoming very serious.

She looked at me and said,

“So are you ready to be a mother?”

I smiled and nodded as I said,

“Yes ma. I am excited”

She shook her head and then pointed to the back seat of the car she had just exited. Then she said,

“Not to the baby inside of you. A mother to that child.

Darrell’s son”

She looked at me and I looked at her.

No words were said but there was something deep I felt.

Oh Lord, say it with me y’all What The Bloody Heck Man!

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Return for the concluding Part of the Bella series on Saturday!

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Bella

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Bombshelter by Nnabu

The cabinet closed and I finally sat.

As I strapped in, I let out a huge sigh.

I looked over to my right as the older woman next to me said

“You made it?”

I didn’t reply.

I was still trying to catch my breath. But yes, I made it.

As I waited, I just wanted this moment to pass.

Deep breaths.

Inhale and Exhale.

I closed my eyes, kicked my head back and l clutched my sides.

“Just get it over with.”

I thought to myself.

A few seconds later, there were faint voices and I took another deep breath.

Movement.

I heard a thud but I didn’t open my eyes or move. I clutched my sides harder.

With my eyes closed, I stepped out of the moment and back into a time.

It felt like a recoil of an old VHS tape. Momentarily stopping to take in certain memories.

It had been a long weekend.

Being out in the DMV to attend Monét’s wedding brought back so many memories.

We had graduated from law school together, passed the bar around the same time and even did our internships together.

Monét was more than a friend to me.

She was a sister I never had and one I loved dearly.

The thing with Monet was this; she was the last link to what my life used to be.

Our party days, men, our “reckless” nights, be daring moments…

Basically my past.

So anytime, I was around her, there were either pieces she was still connected to or memories that she brought up for me.

So this past weekend was bittersweet.

Monet finally got married to Victor and I found out they have a baby on the way.

I couldn’t be more pleased but the joy they shared only reminded me of what I once had.

The turbulence of my life in the last two years, met me at the height of my womanhood.

In peak position to dominate, I have had to contend with the challenges of womanhood on a completely different plane.

Through it all, I have maintained that my attitude will affect my altitude.

The “seat belt off” sign went off.

Tails up.

……

“Miss, you dropped this”

A deep voice bolted through my unconscious and tickled my ears drums.

I slowly opened my eyes and there he was.

Flashing that amazing smile, he stood over me and said

“You dropped this”

I looked down from his pursed pink lips and made a quick stop on his arms. Before traveling to his hand, where he held on to my Pink Lemonade Snapple drink.

He outstretched it to me and I said

“Thanks”

He was supposed to walk away. This was his opportunity to turn around but he asked

“Can I sit?”

I smiled and shrugged and he sat on the aisle seat across from mine.

He wouldn’t stop smiling.

It bordered on creepy but the man was just so handsome, it could be forgiven.

It was his perfect teeth, his eyes almost disappeared when he smiled.

He had that deep baritone in his voice and he made amazing eye contact.

And he had the perfect lips, they parted and glistened as he licked them every often.

“Hi, my name is Darvell.

Whats your name?”

I smiled and said

“Bella”

He smiled as he leaned over and said

“Well nice to meet you Bella”

As he was about to speak, someone got up and made their way towards the back of the plane.

He leaned back and let them walk by but then he returned and said

“So where are you headed Bella?”

I tried to keep the conversation short as I replied

“Home”

There was a scoff and smile as he replied and said

“Where is home?”

“Atlanta”

He smiled and responded

“This is my first time in Atlanta… Maybe you can show me around?”

I smiled and said

“I don’t think my husband would appreciate that”

“Oh you’re married?”

He answered with surprise laced on his perfect lips.

I smiled and lifted my left hand so he could see my wedding ring.

He looked even more surprised as he said

“I don’t see a wedding ring”

I looked down at my hand and noticed my ring wasn’t there.

Shit.

Where did I leave it?

Oh I remember! I left it on the bathroom sink while I washed my face and tried to hide my tears.

The night before my trip when my husband had gotten into a huge fight.

I gathered myself and said

“Yeah, I just forgot it at home but I am married”

He chuckled and shrugged as he said

“Well forgetting your ring is not a good sign in any marriage.

But what do I know, I’m not married”

“How are you not married?”

I replied with surprise.

“Divorced. And no, I don’t have any kids because I know thats your next question”

I laughed and said

“You don’t know that!”

He was right.

That was my next question.

We talked about his work, his failed marriage, my job and my marriage as best as I would let him get. There was talk about my ambitions as a lawyer. Plans to become a judge.

And even favorite TV shows over the two hour flight from New York.

I would be lying if I said the conversation wasn’t stimulating.

He was just easy to look at and might I add, very smart.

The plane landed and he moved back to his seat a few rows behind me.

As we exited into baggage claim, he smiled and said

“I’m in ATL for a week, maybe we can grab coffee or you can be my tour guide. With your husbands permission”

I smiled and waved him goodbye.

A quarter of an hour later, I had my suitcase in my hand and I walked outside.

No sight of my husband.

I continued to call his phone and he didn’t answer.

It was cold and I was getting even more frustrated.

After about 10 more minutes, I realized he wasn’t coming.

I was washed with sadness and regret as I turned to my left.

There he was, Darrell, on his phone.

I walked up to him as he coordinated his ride.

I tapped him on his shoulder and he turned around.

As he liked at me he said

“Hold on”

to the person on the other side and then I said

“Can I still take you up on that coffee?”

……..

Dinner was getting cold.

I moved it to the microwave, returned the juice to the fridge and refilled my glass of wine.

As I sat down not he couch watching Love and Hip Hop ATL, I scanned the room and let out a deep sigh.

This was not what I wanted.

I wanted nights tucked away in the arms of my hero.

Lately my mother had been encouraging me to stay strong. To keep my home.

But my heart was emptier than my 4 bedroom home.

Why was I being encouraged to stay?

And no one was telling him to fix up.

Why was I taking this?

I deserved better than this. I leaned back and down my glass.

A yawn.

An invite into the safety of my unconscious.

A singular expression of me.

Where the “us” was put aside and I could dream about the “me”.

Sleep.

I woke up a few hours later and realized I had fallen asleep on the couch.

I picked up the remote control and turned the TV off.

I slid on my slippers and walked up in the room.

As I climbed into the bed, I swamped the pillows and took the one  from his side.

I placed it down on my side and laid face down into it.

A long whiff from the pillow.

I missed him.

I could hear the clanking keys outside the door of our two bedroom condo, a few seconds after I heard the closing of a car door.

He Uber-ed.

Thank God.

He stumbled through the hallway and made it into the room. The door opened slowly as he noticed I was asleep.

I could hear him almost drowning in his breath, so he didn’t wake me up.

He stopped in front of the dresser and took off his jewelry and he set down his keys.

I stayed still and kept my eyes closed but I could hear him clearly.

Almost like I was directing his steps.

He flicked on the closet light which was behind me from how I was laying.

The light shone over me and hit the wall I was facing. I assumed he was changing into something more comfortable.

The light went off.

There was silence in the room.

And the shower went off.

As I heard him step into the tub, I quickly got up and walked into the closet.

I reached for this pants and immediately stuck my hand in the back pocket, pulling out his wallet.

I flipped it open and looked into one of it’s pockets.

It wasn’t there.

I checked the next one.

It wasn’t there.

I was beginning to panic. I turned the wallet and checked the next set of pockets.

As I put my finger into it, I felt it.

I immediately heaved a sigh of relief.

I pulled out the condom and examined it. I was still staring at it when the shower stopped.

I heard him getting out of the shower.

I placed it back the way it was and shoved his wallet back into his pants.

It was the fastest I had run in a while but by the time he was stepping out of the bathroom, I was back under the covers.

But I had seen something drop from his pocket.

There obviously was no time to put it back.

A few minutes later he was in bed.

He came up behind me and pulled me in.

He whispered “I love you baby”

I faked a sleepy voice and mumbled, “I love you too daddy”

He smiled as we spooned to sleep.

I could hardly sleep.

My mind kept racing about how we had gotten to this point after just getting married two years ago.

Here I was hoping if he cheated, he used a condom and playing detective.

This was not the life I wanted or the oneI chose.

I finally fell asleep.

The next morning, I was up.

I could not get up the whole night because he had his hand locked around me as he knocked out like a rock.

Once I was able to wriggle out in the morning, I tiptoed into the closet and scanned the floor.

I soon saw a white paper in the corner, inside a show.

I picked it up.

It was a receipt for chewing gum from a gas station. I flipped it around and noticed a number on the back.

Fuck.

He was still sleeping as I walked out of the room in my nightgown and into the living room.

I picked up the house phone and stared at the number.

I couldn’t wait but a part of me wanted to.

I didn’t know what I would find.

But also not knowing was killing me.

I was going to do it.

I dialed out the number and it began to ring.

And then someone picked up.

It was a man.

My eyes grew big as he said

“Hello”

I immediately relaxed. At least it was a guy.

And my husband wasn’t gay.

So whew!

I dodged a bullet.

I gathered myself and I was about to hang up when the man on the other end said

“Bella”

I almost choked.

How did he know my name?

I remember saying

“Huh?”

I could almost hear his smile.

He said

“Well, I’m glad your husband gave you the message and my number.

Its been a while and I’m assuming by how surprised you are, he still doesn’t know.

We ran into each other last night and I wanted him to give you my number. Being as we grew up together and I haven’t heard from you since”

I was stunned.

How?

What were the odds?

We got married in Nigeria and the last I checked, that was where he lived.

I uttered

“Chibuzo, its been a while.

Umm..  I don’t even know what to say”

He laughed and said

“You got married and ran away na.

Makes perfect sense. At least we had one last magical night before your marriage. I will never forget it.

Unless you’re trying to create another memory…”

“Thats not going to happen”

I immediately shut down the idea.

and then I continued and said

“That was a mistake I made before I got married and I love my husband.

I could never do that again”

As I finished the statement, I heard him say

“Do what again?”

Shit.

I swallowed hard and slowly turned around.

It was my husband.

I heard the dial tone ringing through the phone as he had ended the call.

It was frankly that moment, that my marriage also ended.

Some important information for Part 2…..

Welcome to #WhatTheHeckMan. If this is your very first time you are visiting the blog, I appreciate you stopping by. You are now part of the family.
I hope you enjoyed what you just read. If you did and if you didn’t, please leave me a COMMENT.
I live for those comments and they inspire me to write more and create better content.

Bella walks us through the highs and struggles of a Black woman trying to find her balance in the a demanding and largely unfair world. But I tell you this, no single story written by me, follows one track. So get ready for a bumpy but exciting ride!

Again, welcome to #SanmiSaturdays and #WhatTheHeckMan.
I appreciate you and I am lucky to share my art with you.
Thank you.

Till next week, Stay Up!

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© 2016 #WhatTheHeckMan