I was standing in front of the ATM, I inserted the checks and it spat two back out. I grumbled a bit and then I reentered them – this time around, they worked. With a sly smile on my face, I emailed the receipt to myself and I headed out of the business/bank center. It was one of those that doesn’t have any people – just the machines and virtual portals. I headed back to my car and before I started the car, I began to hear voices.
I know what you are thinking. What is wrong with this guy? But it was the echoes of the songs I was playing before I went into the building. It was me singing “Ololade mi Asake” over and over in my head. I turned on the car and the song had finished, it was now a new song but I could still hear those voices too. We all hear those voices.
I remember one day when I was much younger, I ran upstairs to my mom and I was like “you called me?” She frowned and said “no” Then she added “don’t answer if you don’t see who is calling” All my Africans or Black people in general reading this all rolled their eyes because here is a Nigerian mother telling you to be sure you see her before answering. WHERE THEY DO THAT AT???? Nope! Mothers be wanting you to even answer while they thinking of calling you!
The whole reason I was depositing those checks is that I stopped listening to voices. The checks were some gifts given to me by members of a church I went to sing at recently. Standing there – instead of appreciating some of the gifts that come from my gift, all I could think of was the voices that said I wasn’t good enough. I have one friend in particular that would tell me not to sing whenever I would sing around them. So are the hundreds of people around the country that I sing, can’t they hear? Do they not know good music? That’s incredibly hard to believe. The last time I sang, 4 separate people came up to me to tell me how much they loved my singing and how I carried myself. Yet, before each time, I would hear my friend’s voice saying “no”
Truth is, we are all victims of it. We drown out the voices of praise and amplify that of our doubters. It is important to listen to the voices, especially the praise – you need the fuel. I am not saying doubters are always wrong, otherwise, too many people would be Soundcloud rappers. Sometimes those voices are the voice of reason and they force us to strive for better – for greatness. So they are important in the room. But they should not be so loud that it makes you want to stay out of the room.
There are also times that you are those voices you hear. You push yourself too hard. You negative talk yourself. You put yourself down. Stop it! You are deserving of greatness, belief and the confidence of someone bound to do great things. I am not a fan of those fake self-talk pages on IG (especially since IG is a hub for tons of negativity) but find your own source. Pour the positive into your soul. Every chance you get. Fill your room with enough loud voices – so the next time you are in front of a room ready to present or a church ready to sing or alone at the ATM, the only voices you hear would be of those cheering you on.
Till next time,
Please COMMENT your thoughts below. Thanks for reading!
It was recently brought to my attention that I haven’t written one of these audits in a while. The last one was 2020. I think with the way the world has gone over the past few years, I can be cut some slack. Glad to be able to pen this now and give you some insight into my world and where my mind is or has been.
I also figured I would share some of my 2022 goals with you
Big Goals for Big Daddy Adewus 1. Pray More 2. Touch more lives 3. Be kind to me 4. Enjoy life 5. Argue less, resist the urge to defend yourself
Faith: I am a bit tired of my church. My personal relationship with God is “good” at best. I haven’t felt too hot on certain things connected to my faith recently but thankfully I still pray and talk to God and he talks to me. I am working on the latest edition of Convenient Christian (a piece I write, I’ll post links here for you to check them out), so look out for that. Link to the last one here.
Because I have been “running” from God a bit – I think it has affected some key things I relied on him for. Discernment, gratitude, divine guidance and so on. The past week has been hard on my heart for various reasons but mostly because I felt I had let God down. Not in specific actions – before anyone thinks this is some “gotcha” moment but because I just wasn’t plugged in. The lessons from the past year and this last week have been hard. But I was able to just lay it all at his feet this past Sunday. I went back home. And while I worshipped and praised – he spoke to me. Then the Pastor came on his sermon was EXACTLY for me. Man, when God is with you, he is with you. I am thankful but there is still more work to be done.
2021 Final Score: D 2022 Expected Score: B+
Fitness: As I write this, it has been 11days on my Green & Grown diet. Except for Chicken and Turkey – everything I have eaten over the last 11days has either been vegetables or things have grown out of the ground. I am starting to like the way I look but I also have been going super ham at the gym lately. I got this app called Fitbod – it basically gives you exercises every day to do and helps take away the guesswork. I love it! At 7am every day, it tells me what workouts to do that morning and I can crush it. All in all, I am enjoying this new phase. I decided that I want to get the body of the rest of my life, starting now. I am tired of waiting till a week before a vacation to start detoxing or drinking smoothies. If I want this life, I need to work at it now and I am more than determined.
2021 Final Score: C 2022 Expected Score: B+
Creativity: I need an editor. I have so much written already. I need to actually POST but I always get weighed down by the prospect of having to edit. If someone can help me, I will really appreciate it. I have tons of series lined up (are you ready for the rollercoasters?!), I have the novel in motion. I want to learn how to write scripts.
I started a food IG and I now have more than 250 followers. @chefadewus Please follow and support me if you can. AND my Pinterest page!
My podcast is back and SmallChops is a perfect fit. We need a woman to join us consistently though – preferably someone in Canada or the US. Hit me up if you know someone or you are interested.
I also need to restart my French classes + piano.
2021 Final Score: C-minus 2022 Expected Score: A
Finances: I changed jobs in the summer of 2021. One of the biggest companies in the world came after me, aggressively. It was so humbling and validating. Better pay, better company, sign-on bonus, better everything sha. By the end of 2021, I had hit all of my savings goals for the year – I ended up Detty Decembering some of that money away but that is not the point. Last year, I proved to myself that I could save and I am already on my way again this year. So I am very excited. I have big BIG goals in 2022 and 23. So man must save – I am even on a budget right now. And if you know me, you know I stick to my budget! 2022 is the year of big bags and sometimes that just means closing the big bag already in your hand.
2021 Final Score: B+ 2022 Expected Score: A+
Relationships: This is where the most learnings are for me. Romantically, I am satisfied and happy. Butterflies. Boarding passes. Boba Tea.
In friendships though, it has been a rough year. March 2021 brought a friendship breakup of a friendship that was 12+years old. When I still think about it, it stings deeply but it is what it is. I was already nursing a difficult week and then I walked into church and this was the Pastor’s sermon (when I told you God was talking to me, I was not joking)
Friendship is a choice Choose friends that fill you up. Friendship is loving Friendship is trusting Friendship is loyalty
This past week for me was another reminder to remember the difference between acquaintances and friends. It sucks to think through that feeling but it is necessary. One of the things I struggled with growing up and being bullied was that I wanted to be loved by everyone* As I get older and wiser, I continue to realize that wanting that is toxic and actually having that is fake. To make some relationships work, you find yourself pushing and doing more than you ever would need to. And then you find yourself empty and resentful. Unnecessary.
I took stock recently and I should be proud. I have friends like Seyi that I have had since 2003 and people like Anthony that I have been brothers with since 2006 – 16years. We started what is now our crew called Nifty Nine. 3 out of the band is married with kids, people are in committed relationships thriving. I have my PDG crew expecting our next baby, two weddings are upcoming. And I have the Ninz’s of my world, the Nnenna’s, the Renny’s, the true Brethren, and more. I have never been one to say “No New Friends” but Omo, my squad is already deep. So I was grateful for the reset because it allowed me to look around and appreciate what I have that is solid and these people ACTUALLY love me. They show up for me. They care about my person and my growth. My soul and my heart. So while these recent times have been hard, I am thankful for my true friends.
I am also freshly inspired to be a better friend to the ones I hold dear. Excited for all our growth, love, accountability and friendship.
2021 Final Score – F 2022 Expected Score – B
2021 was rough in many ways – a medical diagnosis that I reject in Jesus’ name, pandemic, soaring prices of everything. But it was also a year of newness, growth and love. I am super excited for 2022. It already started off so great – engagements, birthdays, babies, new jobs, leaving toxic things and people. It will only get better and I am sooooo excited for it. Thank you for reading my review and catch me in early 2023 by God’s grace for a recap on this year. In the meantime, check out my current content (below if you are on your phone and on the right side of the screen if you are on your computer).
Til next time,
Thanks for reading as always! Thank you for commenting. Here is to a fun and blessed 2022! You are highly appreciated.
Tonight, I cried. I was listening to the song above and I became overwhelmed with gratitude to God for everything he has done for me. A few days ago after a long day of errands, I came back home and I was actually about to go to sleep when I heard a loud and obnoxious knock on the door. It was late but I walked to the door and opened it. It was my neighbor. He came to tell me that I had left my car running for 4hours. Can you believe that? I completely forgot to turn off the engine. I do not know what would have happened if it kept running for more hours (about to Google it). I was grateful that nothing catastrophic happened plus I am thankful to God for using my neighbor whom I have never spoken to beyond hi and bye, to come and ensure I didn’t lose my vehicle.
Yeahhhh, right there… on the head
If you follow me on Instagram, you will probably have seen videos of me at the gym. I am always dancing in my recordings. Most times to gospel music. A few days ago, I walked up to an equipment and I bumped my head because someone shorter than me had lowered the bar. It hurt – I see you short people, or maybe not.
But as I massaged my head, I went back to working out and dancing, people kept staring and I thought o myself, I am the weird person in their own gym life. But I love God and singing his praises anywhere, I was not going to stop that.
I was in line at the grocery store when the cashier said “you know you don’t have to wear that anymore?” He was referencing the recent mask mandate that had passed in California – we don’t have to wear masks anymore. It felt weird hearing that. For almost two years straight, we had gotten used to wearing this thing everyday, now you are saying we don’t need to? Can people go back to “normal”? Do they even want to? I kept my mask on because I still feel the panini is not over but it got me thinking, even after COVID is finally under control, will I stop wearing a mask? Most likely not. I will probably end up wearing it every flu season as well. Just to stay protected. Some try to act like the masks are evil or something but guess who hasn’t had the flu in two years? Exactly. I’m keeping ‘em on. Will you keep wearing masks or have you already thrown them away?
I am tired. Physically for the most part. About a month ago – I was in Los Angeles and on my first night there, I laid down in my hotel bed. I had plans to link with my younger brother. I placed my head on the bed at about 6:30pm. I woke up at 2am – the whole night was gone.
Before I slept, I felt dizzy and like the room was shifting – I have known it for a few weeks but I struggle to rest. Most weekends are filled with a birthday party here, a brunch there, church on this side, DIY projects on that side. It’s made for a tired me. I need to rest and as a full adult, I am scheduling it for next weekend. Isn’t that bizarre that we now have to schedule rest? What happened to being a child and just not going to class or sleeping and ignoring your chores? S M H
I watched a talk the other day about relationships that said as you get deep into it and kids come into play, you have to schedule sex. At first, listen, I thought it was bizarre but seeing how busy I am now with all I have going on and no wife and kids yet? Nah, I completely agree with that person. Heck, I have been trying to make an appointment with my left hand for months now and no luck. S M F H
My best friend called me a Nigerian parent because I keep finding things around the house to work on. First off all, “and soooooo”. Secondly, “even thoughhhhhhh” I truly am always working on something but frankly, I need rest. In the meantime though, please follow my latest thing, my Pinterest account. Every follow, like, and share counts. Thank you!
Recently, I was driving and this person in front of me was moving so slowly. I maneuvered around them and began yelling, I was so annoyed. Then it hit me. Why was it so hard to be kind in that moment?
I remember the first time I was ever let go from a job. I was so heartbroken that day that I drove home so slowly, I was crying and confused. What if someone honked at me as I drove? Would I have been able to hold it together? Maybe, maybe not. It was a timely reminder to be kind always. That person could have gotten word that their health was poor or just been having a bad day – you never know. Spread kindness, not continue a chain of the hard in a world already hard enough.
10:48pm – I had been on this wave of eating earlier in the evening, in my attempt to not eat late. So I would eat my first “big” meal around 6pm and if I was up late, like on this day, I would snack on something. The choice this night was the super delicious sausage rolls from @AllIDoIsCook. They get shipped to my house and I get to feast on such goodness. They come in air-tight packaging. That night I decided to use a knife to open the sausage roll pack. As I picked up the knife, my mind told me to use the scissors instead. You probably already know how this ended. Yes, I cut myself.
I was staring at my hand and I just burst out laughing, I knew. I flipping knew and most of us know. We feel it, we see it. The signs are clear and glaring but we go into it anyways. The last time I dated a woman that had poor communication skills and couldn’t express herself, I knew I would eventually get hurt. But she was soooo fine and yes, she had/had bum bum and I went inside head first. Omo _, she just made me catch feelings and started making me return to my toxic ways. As hard as they may come, run from the things that will bring you hurt.
Stay Up, Stay Safe & Stay Strong. I LOVE YOU!
The Wordsmith Master of Cliffhangers
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