The Wordsmith 2

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The A Team by Ed Sheeran

“Babe, you know how the end of the month gets with work documentations.

I’ve been working”

I told Asha over the phone as I began cleaning up the hotel room.

“Oh sorry babe. Didn’t mean to disturb.

Just wanted to make sure you were okay and tell you that I miss you”

“I miss you too baby.

Trust me, I’ve been thinking about you all day too”

I lied to Asha as I got out of having to explain my whereabouts of the night before.

It was a regular thing.

Whenever Jasmine was in my life, I somehow had to lie to Asha.

It was killing me but I couldn’t help it.

Jasmine’s disappearance was not unusual.

Upsetting?

Yes.

Surprising?

No.

This was somewhat the routine and I was the fool for not breaking out of it.

If there is one thing that my job allows me to do, it’s compartmentalize.

I have to remain attentive to everything that is being said and have it written down. My job is to capture the words.

Not the emotions.

I remember walking into the office that Monday. I had still not heard from Jasmine.

From days past, there have been incidents where Jasmine has been gone for days without anyone knowing where she was.

There was one particular incident that tugged on my heartstrings. I remember being called at 4am in the morning one night. I was sleeping next to Asha when the phone rang. I remember the police officer saying

“is this Mr. Marshall Walters?”

I answered as I cleared my throat;

“Yes”

“This is the San Diego police department; we need you to come down to the Highland hospital to identify a person”

I cleaned my eyes with my left hand as I sat up straight and asked

“Is the person dead?”

My voice laced with concern.

He clarified

“No. they are alive but currently really out of it”

I got some more details from him and I ended the call. I began to get out of bed when Asha rolled over and asked

“Where are you going baby?”

My back was turned to her as I said

“I have to rush to the hospital to help one of my friends at the emergency room”

“Oh! Who is it?

Are they okay?”

She asked as she got up

“It’s no one you know babe. They are okay.

I’ll be back soon”

I tried not to make any eye contact as I made my way out of the room. Something kept ringing in my head.

I had lied.

That was the process. I was always stepping in for her.

I was lying to do things for her.

I was in a relationship but my heart was committed to another. The connection I felt with Jasmine was one that I couldn’t replicate with anyone else.

Asha was great and I loved her but I wasn’t in love with her.

I was still stuck in love with Jasmine.

I arrived at the hospital and they let me in after I identified myself.

I went to the police officer as he said

“Mr. Walters?”

I nodded.

“Thanks for coming in under short notice. We got a call from the motel staff that the door had been locked from the inside 3days past the time paid for.

We broke in and found her passed out inside the bathtub. She has lost a lot of body fluid and was very weak. She is stable now.”

I was shocked and all I could say was

“Wow”

“Yeah, it seemed pretty bad. She is lucky to be alive.

We noticed that your number had been calling consistently for the past 4days. So we called you first.

There were no family indicated numbers in there. So yeah, she’s in there”

The police officer wrapped up as he pointed to the room where she was laying.

I thanked the officer as I walked in there.

I was actually terrified that she would have either been dead or hurt herself. I sat next to her bed; she was patched up with bruises all over her hands.

There were bandages on her left arm and the iv passed into her left wrist.

It was clear that she must have done some drugs that weekend. I just sat there and wondered if she knew how the people that loved her felt when things like this happened.

I just imagined how my mother or father would react if something bad happened to me.

That was the difference right there. My parents would care and many parents would, even hers but Jasmine somehow did not connect with her parents.

She was adopted six days after she was born. Her birth mother had passed away during childbirth. You could essentially claim that her adopted mother birth her.

She admits that she was given the most love and car by her adopted parents. She was raised like she was their own.

Honor roll student, dean’s list in college, studied abroad and all that good stuff but things went sour after she graduated from college.

She moved from Sacramento down to Los Angeles to “find herself” but she was not able to find anything.

She fell in love with a guy there who had promised to give her the world and help her find a job but only led her into drugs. They became romantically involved and when they broke up, she just spiraled out.

The drugs she cut back on but she turned full fledged into alcohol. And it only got worse over time.

Being so far away from her family, there was no one to keep an eye on her.

She just plunged deeper into her sadness. Her days were dark and filled with alcohol when she was awake. She would drink, pass out, wake up and then drink some more.

When she was fed up with her life in Los Angeles, she moved down to San Diego which was only a couple of hours away but it served as a fresh start for her.

Let’s just say that things didn’t go that well over their either and it was only a matter of time before she returned to her previous behaviors and vices.

The problem with Jasmine is that when she is on the up, not a single soul can tell she is an alcoholic.

No signs at all.

But if she is nearing a relapse, she withdraws and pulls herself away. I strongly believe that she must have felt another coming on before she left that night from the hotel room.

I woke up to the sound of the charge nurse asking me who I was

“I’m her boyfriend”

I responded before I had time to think. I was not her boyfriend but I just blurted it out and it actually felt right to say.

“She’s very low on fluids and her body needs time to recover. That’s why she has the drips running through her.

It may take a couple of days for her to recover but she will. She should be fine”

The nurse said as she filled her chart.

I was grateful and relieved that she had not done any lasting damage.

“Thank you for everything. 

If possible can someone keep an eye on her, she has a habit of leaving unannounced.”

I told the nurse as I began to leave. It was a little past noon and I had been there since 5am. I needed to get home.

I gave her a kiss on her forehead as she muffled a moan out. Heading down the hallway, my phone began to buzz.

I looked down at it.

Asha.

“Hey babe, what’s going on?”

I asked

“Nothing love. I just wanted to check on you and make sure your friend was okay”

I sighed heavily and responded

“Yeah, he’s doing okay.

Stable now.

How are you love?”

“I’m okay baby. Just finishing up at the store.

When will you be home?

Do you want me to come and cook you something?”

I shook my head as I politely declined and told her I just wanted to sleep.

She took it without saying much back but I knew that was hard for her to hear.

Problem was that it was also hard for me to say.

Imagine having to say

 “I’m your boyfriend but I’m her soulmate”

I was in love with Jasmine and while I had love for Asha, I felt stuck.

I didn’t want to hurt Asha but I couldn’t count on Jasmine enough to leave.

I don’t even have the words to explain it all.

 .     .     .       .       .

I’ve always been good with words but how was I supposed to break up with a woman who clearly loved me.

Asha gave everything to and for me. Not sound like an ingrate or something, I truly appreciated her.

But you know in your heart. You just know.

When you sleep and your dreams are filled with the thought of someone else. We all have that one person we would rather be with but sometimes we go into situations that aid us going through the motions.

Jasmine had my heart.

I’m not sure if it was how we met and connected or the fact that I felt like I always needed to protect her. Something had drawn me into her.

On one of the last times Jasmine left. I think it must have been the 6^th or 7^th and it hit me hard. We had been coasting and growing for almost 6 months. She wasn’t entirely sober but her alcohol intake was at an all time low. We were actually making progress and then she just left.

Vanished again.

She just stopped calling and wasn’t answering my calls. I went over to where she was staying and all her stuff was intact but she was nowhere to be found.

I tried not to make it about me but I couldn’t help but wonder if I was truly loveable.

Like I understood things were hard for her but why didn’t she reach out to me.

Why couldn’t she stay?

I was so devastated that I withdrew. It was work, school and home.

I remember Asha was someone I thought was attractive but I was so focused on Jasmine that I think, she just stayed in the “friendzone”.

One of those depressed nights I had I got a message from her where she invited me out to dinner and a boat tour by the Bay. I couldn’t say no that night for whatever reason.

We went out and a few months later, we were in a relationship.

It was great.

A positive distraction for me but it was a mistake at that time.

Emphasis on that time because I had just gotten out of a situation involuntarily and my heart was still holding on to her.

It was unfair to Asha because I wasn’t giving all of me. I was hiding some of myself from her.

Truth is, I thought I was over Jasmine but I had known her for three years by that time.

People like that are hard to let go, especially if you truly loved them.

Things had been going well with Asha and I. Slowly, I was growing very fond of her and I was truly convinced that I was over Jasmine.

I was happy or at least I had more happy days than sad.

One day, I had actually convinced myself that I didn’t have to attend one of my best friends birthday dinner. I just wanted to be left alone.

Cozy inside my house and under my bed sheets, I just wanted to stay home.

Asha came over and convinced me to go.

It took a while but soon, we were at the restaurant.

As soon as we were seated with the celebrant and the rest of the dinner party, I felt a wave of uncertainty come over me and I became very uncomfortable.

Something felt off.

An hour had gone by and I was feeling a bit calmer.

I just thought that I was thinking things up in my head earlier. Everybody was eating, having fun, vibing and conversing.

The celebrant was seating at the head of the table to my left and I was seated at the middle point of the table. The door to the private room in the restaurant was behind the celebrant. I was looking to my right and talking to a friend with other smaller conversations going on all around the table.

And then all of sudden, it all stopped and everyone looked up towards the celebrant. I turned and noticed that even the celebrant had a look of surprise written on their face.

She turned around too, to catch a glimpse of whatever had caused everyone to go dead silent and there it was in.

In a fitted red dress to about knee length with black Temptation pumps that I had purchased.

You guessed right.

It was Jasmine.

You know that uncomfortable feeling I had told you about? Well, it wasn’t so baseless after all right?

The celebrant Cindy and Jasmine are mutual friends of mine. But I never expected Jasmine to be there. Hell, I hadn’t seen or heard from her in over two months.

She looked amazing as always as she made her way around the table, giving out hugs and dishing out greetings.

Then she got to me, she gave me a big hug and kiss on the cheek as she whispered the words

“I want you”

into my ears.

She stood up straight and stretched out her hand to Asha. With the brightest smile on her face, she  said

“You must be Asha. Hi, I’m Jasmine.

I have heard so much about you”

My heart sunk. My tongue went dry. I felt like I was about to die.

#What The Heck Man

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