Aye Ole by Infinity
Digging in my car for change
In between the cup holder
Sticky and wet
This doesn’t feel strange
You would think I would know this by now
By my chronological age
But I guess spirituality isn’t determined by age
Or even what stage
You are with God
I think it’s determined by how connected to him you
Keyed into the source and no out of range
This is the routine
Exactly how it has always been
This is the time when I remember him
Right around finals or when life gets me on my knees
Pressured by my expectations
They lean over my back and force me to plead
So at his feet for his mercy
I begin to wail and decree
That I’m a child of God
And the angels should let me in
But the truth remains that he might not know me
They call me the Sunday Christian
Or the convenient Christian
I show up for sure two Sundays a year
The one in the beginning
And then the watch night service at the end
I might come for thanksgiving the week after I take a trip for my birthday
I promise to make time very week
So don’t judge me for God’s sake
I’m real at heart
Because I don’t go to church every week
It doesn’t make me fake
I call his name more than you know
When I slam my brakes in traffic
Or trample through freezing snow
I say it’s him when my friends tell me they see a glow
I call on him when I plan my next my next move to make it big
My great step to blow
I make excuses about tithing
All these pastors just want money
Besides I have bills to pay
All these creditors wont stop calling
So give me a pass when the basket comes around for offering
And I look away like I’m shielding myself from the sun
It’s rays burning
Into my soul
My deep and hollow soul
The place where I question the truth
Where I question whether or not
My offerings will even bear fruit
When the beat drops
I drop it down low
But now I’m in here
Hands lifted up
Don’t let the pastor know
Less than 24hrs ago I was fist pumping and drunk
Under the midnight glow
But now I here I am nodding and claiming the spirit
Like he’s someone I truly know
He continues to search for my attention
But I blow him off when it gets serious
Sitting in my room
I battle depression
The world continues it struggle with me
I stay trying to fight emotional oppression
I put on a front
Behind my make up strands and my socially conscious tweets
I feel the heat
As life burns me at each turn
But I can’t pull back
I can’t resist
But here is my confession
I need him now
I need relief
But am I only reaching for him because it’s convenient for me
I don’t spread the word
Because I don’t know the word
I lift my hands in praise
But to whom
Do I really know the Lord?
I know he protects my family and me
Home and abroad
But if I got jailed in this cell called life
Would he be my only call?
When faced with pain and adversity
I run to people with no audacity
To command the universe to bow to my situation
My relationship with him is one-sided
He’s like the person that loves you way more than you can return
But my attention is divided
Between enjoying the world and listening to all he has commanded
My hope is to make time for him
When it’s convenient
But the truth is,
I need him more than he needs me
And he’s there for me
Our relationship would be better and stronger
If only I was obedient.
I am not a preacher. Nor do I believe that I am in a place to judge anyone regarding his or her relationship with God but this came to me.
There is so much of me in this piece; the constant struggle to balance it all.
Being young and “free” in today’s world we want to identify and being a Christian or religious has lost its glow.
Unbelievers laugh at us because we have fallen from grace.
A girl has in her bio “Child of God” or “God over Everything” but less than an inch upwards is a picture of her bearing her “gifts” to the whole world.
I can’t even remember the last time I heard a guy say that he believed in God. (different issue entirely).
We cry to God when we need him but do we realize that we need to make ourselves useful to him to need us.
A few years ago, I truly recognized the difference in my life without God. When I stopped worshipping and being useful in his vineyard, the fall didn’t come immediately.
It was gradual.
Sadness. Depression came in. Denial, faithlessness and then complete disconnect.
And for a while, I lied to myself that I knew who he was and he knew me but the truth was that he had actually left me to try it my way.
The end of last year was different.
A different kind of pain
It was reminiscent of the story of the prodigal son. I was so broken, I CRAWLED back to God. And the prayers were for mercy.
How many of us started in the church?
Raised in the way of the Lord?
Started learning their art/craft from church but now are so distant from it?
We change. But God has never changed.
We drift away and return but he remains the same.
Sometimes, I feel like we treat him like the Uber driver.
We call him only right before we need him. And sometimes even in his presence, we say nothing.
We ask him to pick us up from the deepest and scariest places in our lives and like the Uber, he always shows up.
But when do we show up for him. When are found standing to be counted.
Again, I reiterate that the walk for and with God is personal but the manifestation of his blessings in ones life is public.
I challenge myself each day to be a better Christian and a better man.
Some mornings I forget to read my bible
Some days my daily devotional is not daily
I sometimes speak in vain
I shy away from spreading his word
Some ignore his word from above
But I pride myself on one thing, my Christian walk is not allowed to have stops.
I am not allowed to get comfortable because I have not done enough for him, not am I ready enough for the places he can take me.
More work needs to be done
So I challenge you today to search your heart and find where you need him most and where you need to do more for God.
Today I challenge you to be the one that he calls.
Because he has all the power to make the Uber not come.
It’s the Wordsmith with #WordsOfWednesday on #WhatTheHeckMan
Don’t forget Savages 4 comes out on Saturday!