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Through The Noise by Solace

My throat hurt.

My mouth was dry. 

It felt like someone had choked me all night.

Or was it day time? I wasn’t sure.

I slowly opened my eyes

The lights were blinding. My eyes slowly adjusted to the lighting in the room.

Empty but for the wall clock.

The lights filled the room and and the only window was behind me.

I could hear cars in the distance from what I presumed was the freeway.

My mind raced as I tried to understand my current situation.

No clues.

I tried to turn to my left, the strap holding my right hand down pulled me back mid air.

I looked down to my right, my right hand was trapped.

Buckled under the straps, my hands and feet kissed the cold of the leather.

I didn’t bother trying to wrestle out of the hold. 

My deep sigh rang out into the room as I remembered being taken away.

Those agents.

The gurney.

The back of that ambulance.

The lights.

My mother.

That woman.

My eyes suddenly began to well up. 

Why did she do that to me?

Why would she let them take me away?

This place was familiar.

It felt familiar.

I remembered the buzzing sounds of the fluorescent lights. The footsteps in the hallway, the chatter behind the doors. 

My mind collaborated with imagination of the world beyond the walls. 

I smacked my lips as I wetted my tongue.

I could taste the drugs on my tongue.

And I could hear a voice, gracing the halls with a song.

The door opened and a lady walked in.

The lights seemed to dim as she walked in. 

Her foots steps stopped by the bed side and I heard that familiar coarse voice as she said

“Rise and shine Anita”

I looked to my left where she was standing as she flashed a smile.

Her teeth trapped her lollipop stick as she said

“Time to eat. Your session is thirty minutes”

She strapped me down across my pelvic area and slowly released my hands.

I sat up straight and said

“I don’t want to meet with her today”

She walked around to my right side of the bed as she talked

“You have to. She’s coming a long way and she’s here to help you”

I looked at her and asked

“How long have I been here and what day is it?”

She smiled and sucked on her lollipop and replied

“You’ve been here 3days and its Monday”

I muffled my words as I sucked down the chocolate pudding that came with my lunch. It was the best part, believe me.

“So that means I should be getting released today”

She looked startled and said

“Why would you think that?”

I responded by saying

“…because you are a 72hr hold facility. So I should be released soon”

“She giggled and said

“Oh dear. You’re here on a 5250.

We are keeping you for 14days”

I stopped, my mouth full of baby carrots

I looked at her standing by the door

“Why???”

She looked at me and said

“Because you made suicidal and homicidal comments. So we have to watch over you and take care of you”

I snarled back and said

“Homicidal comments at who?!”

My tone shook her as she stepped back and said

“Your mother, I believe”

I cursed under my breath.

This woman wouldn’t let me be.

…..

I heard the keys clank on the metal door outside and then it opened.

My hands were still loose as I sat back and waited for her to arrive.

She smiled at me as she pushed up her glasses 

She pulled her chair closer and said

“Good morning Anita”

I nodded and replied

“I don’t want to do this today”

She scribbled on her notepad and said

“Why?”

I rolled my eyes and turned to the left as I said

“I’d just rather not”

She asked again

“You know everything we talk about in here is confidential, right?”

I sighed and nodded as I replied

“Look, you want me to talk to you and then what? We have been here talking for days now and all you do is write and then you go away. You’re probably going to put this information somewhere my mother will find it”

She sat up straight and said

“I’m only here to try and help you. I don’t work for or with your mother. I just want to know what has caused you to see the world the way you do.

So can you tell me a bit about what happened between you and your mother”

I stared straight ahead and then I looked at her and said

“You may not believe me like the last person I told”

She again used her index finger to push up her glasses and then said

“Try me”

I laid back down on the bed and began.

“I was 13 when my dad died. About a year later my mother started dating another man.

At the time I didn’t understand it fully but as I got older, I realized she needed her happiness too.

So I tried to support it.

Things took a very painful turn when her new boyfriend started to rape me”

I paused for  second and tears filled my ducts. 

I swallowed hard and then I continued

“I wasn’t sure what was going on. My mother never had the sex talk with me or advised me about anything really.

Best put, my mother and I were roommates within the home… she did her thing and I did mine.

I was first put in therapy after my dad passed because my mother thought that something was wrong with me.

I had always felt an animosity from her. Somehow she believed that my father loved me more than he loved her.

It was a really dark place to live in.”

She continued to scribble things on her notepad

I shifted in my bed and continued talking

“My school had a seminar around sexual exploitation and child trafficking.

It was then I understood the depths and the power of rape.

They explained how it was affecting my mental health, my relationships, my self esteem and even my trust in men.

I began to think of ways to talk to my mother about it… did I mention my mother was an alcoholic?

Whenever she got the chance, she would drink. 

I always thought she was trying to drown something deep inside her… anyways, it took me about 3weeks but I finally summoned the courage.

That evening, I had returned from dance practice a bit late, about 9:30pm. 

I remember walking into the house and greeting her.

She didn’t say much back to me.

She had been drinking.

I went into my and almost talked myself out of it. 

It took me a little while but I finally came out and spoke to her.

I was shocked by what happened next. 

She turned on me.

She told me that i was too young to know anything and that I was trying to ruin what she and her boyfriend had.

She basically accused me of lying”

“Your mother did?”

the psychiatrist lady asked

I nodded and said

“Yup.

I am not 100% sure but I guess she talked to him because for about a week after that day, he didn’t come into my room.

But then he returned.

And that night he was more aggressive. I couldn’t walk. 

Everything hurt.

So that evening after dance practice, I went to speak with the older brother of a friend who I knew was in gangs.

I told him I wanted a gun. He joked and then I told him I was being raped.

He offered to take the shot for me.

I got the gun that night.

And when he came into my room the following night. I shot him.

And then I took 45 pills.

Somehow I woke up in the psych ward under evaluation.

I haven’t seen my mother since. For almost 10 years. 

She just went off the grid.

The whole time in the psych ward, my mother never showed up. 

The social worker came and I was told that my mother revoked her parental rights and I was now a ward of the court.

The devastation.

I wasn’t sad that I shot the man but to be honest, my mother shot me twice”

I looked at the psychiatrist and said

“Are we out of time yet?

The lady smiled and said

“Don’t worry. Today I’ve got time.

You can go on if you’d like”

For someone so used to bottling things deep inside of me, this felt good to release.

“Yeah. 

She never came back.

And a placement wasn’t found for months.

While I waited, there was government testing done and I was picked.

The day I left the facility was the day I swore to never come back. Obviously, as you can see, that dream didn’t come true.

I vowed that day to get my revenge on my mother.

She changed the course of my life.”

It was clear she was intrigued by the story

I asked

“Is there any way I’ll be able to get out of the straps.

Maybe go for a walk. Its been days in these things and I’m only out for showers.

She seems unsure but she said

“I’ll see what I can do.

I’ll say something to the on call staff once we are done here…

So tell me… How has living without your parents and working for the government been?”

I smirked and said

“I’ve seen and done things. I’ve seen lives snuffed out of men with no regard for the families that they leave behind.”

There was a serious look on her face. It was a mixture of surprise and fear or maybe concern.

” is this where you’re going to ask me if I ever killed anyone?”

She paused and said

“Have you?”

I smiled and laid back down. The smile disappeared from my face as I said

“My cousin…. 

On my breaks from duty or assignments, I thought I could stay with him.

One night even with all my training, he overpowered me and raped me.

Somehow I think my handler wanted me to kill him. 

They basically handed him to me on a platter.

It’s funny because I was out. I had told them that I wasn’t going to be a part of it anymore.

I was traveling back from Sudan when they cornered me and then I was left with two bodies.

I took care of it but I was back in.

Before I agreed to take on missions, I had clarified that above everything, the person I wanted to get to most was my mother.

So after many years of working with them and no success I was about to quit. They roped me back in.

What I don’t understand is how she got to me first though. 

How did she find me?

It doesn’t make any sense but then all of his doesn’t make much sense to people”

The psychiatrist lady sat upright and placed her folder down on the floor right next to her left foot.

She looked at me and said

“Anita, I have to ask you an important question.

Are you open to it?”

I turned my head to my left side and said

“Sure”

She smiled back and said

“In your file, it says that while you were in the facility, when you were 14. It says that you were diagnosed as having PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder” and Schizophrenia.

Those are heavy tags to live with, how do you feel about that?”

I sat up straight and said

“Here we go!

Now you’re going to think I’ve been making it all up!

This is why I never want to talk to shrinks!

They always act like I’m lying.

This is pointless”

She motioned with her hands as if to say “calm down”.

With a soft tone, she replied and said

“Anita, I’m not here to judge you. I’m here to learn about you.

So I can help you”

“It’s whatever!” 

I chimed back.

The session was pretty much done at this point as I was starting to get really angry.

She leaned back and said

“I’m sorry if that upset you. 

It was certainly not my intention. Before I leave, can I ask this?

Would it be possible to have a session or two with your mother to see if some repairs can be made to your relationship?”

I sighed and said

“Yes.”

“I know there are some difficult feelings between you two but I feel like with time and work, they are things that we can work through as a team.

How does that sound?”

She asked.

I smiled and said

“I’d like that.

Maybe finally my mother and I can talk after all these years.”

She asked

“So no animosity?”

I shook my head and said

“Not anymore.

Hate consumed me. I’m tired of it”

……

It had been about a week since that session.

They had moved me into another room. It had more things in it.

I was now out of isolation and allowed to mingle with the other residents. 

I was out in the resource room when my name was called over the public address system. 

I rushed over to my room and a few minutes later, at about 2pm sharp, there was a knock on the door.

The door slightly opened as the psychiatrist, Theresa, walked in. 

She smiled big and said 

“Hey Anita. How are you today?”

I replied and said

“I’m okay. You?”

“Very well thank you.”

she responded and continued to say

“…So I just wanted to confirm before we start today’s session, that it’s okay if your mom joins us?”

I smiled and nodded while saying

“Yes. I’m looking forward to it”

She smiled and said

“Thank you. I’ll be right back.”

I looked around my room and smoothed the edges of my bed. I was wiping down my desk when there was a gentle knock and a quick open

Standing behind Theresa was my mother.

The woman I went as far as joining the centralized government’s taskforce to find, was right here.

She found me.

It was bittersweet.

I ‘m not sure about how I still felt but I think a part of me was very relieved.

After all these years, to sit across from her.

She timidly walked in approached me and gave me a hug. 

She said

“Oh my daughter, how I have missed you”

It was a long hug. A cold one.

We separated and sat down in our seats.

Theresa started by saying

“Thank you both for coming. I am happy this is getting under way. I hope we can all benefit from this as a group and even as individuals.

Anita, anything you would like to start with?”

She smiled and looked my way. 

This time, I didn’t smile. 

No affect.

She tried again and said

“Anita? 

Is everything okay?”

I still said nothing.The puzzled looks on their faces was priceless.

It was silent for a few minutes and then I turned Theresa on my left side and said, 

“Can you please give us a minute alone?”

She gathered her things and went out of the room.

I stayed silent and then I said

“Why didn’t you believe me back then?”

I looked her straight in the face. The cold in my face.

I just stared at her.

Then she broke the silence

“Anita, you were young and naive. You didn’t know what you were saying”

No change to my affect, I calmly said

“So you’re sure that was the only option. Not believing me. Your own daughter. You know how much that experience broken me. How much it took from me?

Affected my life and my relationships.”

She smiled and said

“Anita, there comes a time when you have to stop blaming others for your misfortunes.”

“Wait what?

You think I enjoy this? You think I loved living this pain?

The sense of worthlessness, that I don think I’m worthy of ta=

You’re mistaken and this was a mistake.”

I snapped back.

Before I could finish, my mother got up and headed for the door.

She said

“It seems this is not going to go anywhere and maybe I shouldn’t have come.

I wish you all the best.”

I got up and said

“Mom, wait, what, I’m sorry.

Can we please talk?”

She turned around and walked towards my outstretched arms.

I hugged her with my arms behind her back. 

I removed my right hand and placed the handkerchief on her nose.

Holding the back of her head with force, I pushed the piece of clothing onto her face.

A few seconds later. She was out cold.

Laying lifeless on the floor of my room.

I walked to my door and opened it. I peeked into the hallway.

Clear.

I rushed back and grabbed my already packed back from under the bed.

I pulled her by her shoulders and out into the hallway. 

I had to get to the garage as quickly as possible.

The cameras were going to get me but I was about to get out.

I ran to the door that led to the stairs. It had the “Emergency Exit Only” sign on it. The kind that would trigger if you opened the door without knowing the code.

The door was unlocked already.

Down the stairs I dragged her and minutes later, into the parking garage. 

The night shift crew usually started at 4pm and worked till midnight. 

Their change was coming up. The afternoon staff was about to do their rounds and they would have noticed that I was missing.

In the garage, there was a running van.

I ran towards it and jumped in the drivers seat. 

Slamming my foot on the gas, I drove the van till I was by the door.

I hopped out of the car and yanked the door back into the building open, I dragged my mother out of the building and i pulled her to back of the van.

When I pulled open the double doors of the van, there was a big black box. 

I climbed into the back of the van and dragged the empty box to the edge.

I stepped out of the van and lifted my mother into the back of the van.

Folding her body into the box was hard but I dumped her in there.

Head first.

And then I squeezed the rest of her body in.

I locked the box with the padlock and I jumped out of the van.

I rushed into the drivers seat and drove towards the exit.

There usually was a guard there but there was no guard that afternoon.

As I pulled up, the gate slowly opened and I drove out.

This was my city.

I weaved my way through the growing rush hour traffic and about 35minutes later, I was by the water side.

The same place Hazim had brought me back then.

I parked the van and left it running.

I jumped out as I slid some gloves on my hands. I yanked the van’s rear doors open as I climbed in.

The box was obviously now heavy.

I bent down and I pushed the box towards the door of the van.

I got down and dragged the heavy box to my desired spot.

There was a shovel sitting by the stairs that led to the water front. I grabbed it and began digging.

My arms worked as I dug away.

I could feel the sweat trickle through my braids and down the back of my neck.

My palms were sweaty beneath the gloves as I dug away. 

There was an anger within me each time the metal from the shovel split the dirt.

I remembered every night with my legs wide apart as my mother’s lover violated me.

I remembered those cold nights in training camp where I actually missed her voice. I remembered the sound of the voice of the social worker as she told me my mother gave me up.

I remembered killing a man.

And another man.

I remembered dying.

Long before I realized.

She let me die. I remembered the way my heart raced as I opened up to my mother about rape.

I remember how she looked into my eyes and pulled the trigger.

And then I heard a noise.

It was a muffled sound coming from the box.

She had woken up.

I stood there heaving as I stopped digging.

I went closer to the box and right when I was about to open it, I heard another familiar voice.

“Anita!”

I turned to my right and at the top of the steps was Hazim.

He had a smile on his face as if to say “well done partner”

As he drew closer, I asked

“How did you do it?”

He smiled and said

“It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you got her. But I have to ask, did you really have to go through all this to get her though.

I know you knew that we had found her when she called you on the phone that day.

So why all this”

I smiled and said

“This was all a smokescreen”

I moved the shovel to my left hand and continued

“It was a distraction to my original plan. 

Revenge was always my top priority but I wanted it to feel natural. She was always going to run from me. So I had to make it impossible for her to see me coming.

I was miles ahead.

Being taken into the psych ward was all part of the plan.

And her not seeing me coming, makes it even sweeter”

He smiled. Oh I loved the smile on his face.

It showed that he respected me and the lengths I went to exert my revenge

Then he said

“Well, I’m glad you are getting what you have always wanted. Since I met you, its all you’ve talked about.

Here you go”

Hazim handed me an envelope.

I collected it and peeked inside. it was the same gun, I shot my cousin with.

I smiled and I said

“Thank you Hazim.

Truly. For everything.

You are a true friend”

He came closer and he gave me a hug and a peck on the cheek.

He straightened his suit and said

“Are you really going to go through with it?”

I smirked and said

“What do you think?”

He rolled his eyes and said

“I don’t even know why I asked.”

as he turned around and began walking back towards his car.

He said

“Leave the van.

Someone will be here to take care of it soon…”

He was about 4ft away from me when I said

“Hazim..”

He turned around and 

“BANG!”

I shot him.

Right in his head.

I walked over to the box and opened it.

There was my mother.

Shivering at the sight of the gun in my right hand. She had just heard the shot ring through the early evening sky.

I smiled and said

“Mother, can I ask you question?”

She didn’t respond. She just continued to beg 

“Anita! Anita!! Anita!!!

I’m so sorry for everything… Pl..plea…pleee..Please let m…

Give me a chance to make it right”

My face suddenly became serious.

And then I asked

“When you had sex with him after I told you he raped me, did you heard my cries in your ears and in your head?”

She was still begging. I yelled

“ANSWER!!!!”

She continued to shiver and said

“Anita! I’m sorry!

Please I’m sorry”

I looked her in the eyes.

I could touch her fear.

I could feel her desperation. I could taste her tears from where I stood.

“Anita, I’m sorryyy…y..y.y..yyyyy…!”

“BANG BANG”

She went silent as life slowly abandoned her to the chaos that filled this world

And I whispered

“…I’m not”

I walked over to Hazim and dragged his body to the body.

It took me a few minutes but I forced his well toned frame into the box.

Both bodies in the box.

I returned to digging.

I turned to the left and blood was flowing onto the dirt from the corner of the box.

After about twenty more minutes, I walked over to the box and with all my strength, I dragged it to the hole.

I dropped it in hole.

I walked back to the van and opened the passenger side door. On the floor was a can of fuel.

I returned to the hole and bent down to open the box. I dumped most of the fuel all over the two bodies and set fire to it.

I dropped the can next to the hole and I walked back to the top of the stairs.

I sat down on the bench and lit myself a cigarette.

The smoke from my mouth sailed into the sky as the dark smoke from the hole filled the sky.

I smiled and kicked my head back.

One of the things I learned early on from working with Hazim was to always stay far ahead of your target.

Because if you let them get too close, you might still take them out but they have the chance to get to you.

Hazim was too close.

And I could eventually have become his target.

Call it paranoia but I would rather not take chances.

The sun was beginning to set over to my left.

I gazed up at it and puffed out another smoke.

A smile covered my face.

It had been a rollercoaster ride and I drove that shit without my seatbelt on. 

Fin.

Oh what I would pay to see the look on your face RIGHT NOW! (Please remember to tweet #WhatTheHeckMan #SanmiSaturdays once you are done commenting! Thank youuuuuu!)

I bet you didn’t see that coming.

Well, it’s WhatTheHeckMan, so what do you expect besides the unexpected.

If you enjoyed this captivating and sometimes scary series, PLEASE LEAVE ME A COMMENT BELOW.

But before you do that I have one question I’d like you to answer

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Silence

I could hear the ringing from the gun shots in my ears.

My hands were shaking but my shots were clean.

He was dead

There was blood everywhere. Dripping out his chest and the side of his head.

The was a release

The tension in my body seeming to transfer into the metal in my right hand.

I kept my eyes on him, life had departed from him. 

I wasn’t angry but there was a bit of a sadness in my heart muddled between all the other feelings.

But it was the right thing to do.

I started heading back to the club.

Some minute later, I pulled back into the back of the strip club. 

Walking out of the car, there was a woman I had never seen before standing by the door.

I walked past her into the building like a zombie.

I could still hear the ringing from the gunshots in my head.

It was brighter than when I had remembered from few hours earlier.

The sun was reflecting on all the mirrors and there was some music playing as I noticed the bartender cleaning the counter to my left.

The man I had met earlier was not there.

I stopped in the middle of the club and turned around in place. 

I moved a few steps closer to the bartender and said

“Where are the men from earlier?”

He didn’t even look up. The white towel in his hand making a circular motion as he cleaned away.

I moved closer and said

“Excuse me, where are the men from earlier?

I need to talk to them”

He looked up at me and with no expression on his face, he said

“Place the envelope they gave you on the counter and go home. 

They’ll be in touch”

I looked at the envelope in my right hand and I slowly walked over to the counter. 

I placed it down.

I looked at the man. He stared back at me and still with no expression, he went back to cleaning to the counter.

One more scan of the room and then I headed out of the building. The sun shinning bright as the Arizona heat smacked my face.

As I walked outside, I noticed Hazim.

He was on the phone as he spotted me, he ended the call and walked over to me.

His first words as he smiled were

“How are you feeling?”

I looked up at him, shielding my eyes from the sun with my left hand, I said

“I’m not really sure”

He came over to me and said

“You’ll be fine. Just go home and rest”

as he rubbed my bag and guided me towards his car. 

I wasn’t sure I was going to be fine.

We walked towards his car parked by the roadside and I got in.

The whole ride home, I kept thinking to myself

“What is going on?

Who have I become?

Why did I shoot that man?”

I turned to my left as we entered the highway and asked

“Hazim, why are you always driving me around and there whenever something happens but you don’t tell me why”

He smiled and said

“My job is to be there as needed.

The moment you don’t need me anymore, I will not be here”

“What does that mean though?”

I asked, still confused

He again smiled and said

“Not everything makes sense now but trust me it will”

I turned and stared out the window to my right and just wondered about what was going on. 

I was now a passenger in my life and I couldn’t understand anything.

A part of me wanted to shout and rage for answers but a huge part of me kept thinking What The Heck Man.

……

I was tired and sleepy

But I needed to shower. 

I sat in the tub as the water from the shower head sprayed down all over my body. I couldn’t decide how I wanted to feel.

I just closed my eyes and sat there for some time.

When I left the shower, I heard a knock on the door.

I quickly put my clothes on and rushed to the door as fast as I could.

There was no on there as I looked through the peephole, so I opened the door and at my feet, there was a medium sized black box and it was addressed to “Anita”

I walked back into my apartment and sat down on the floor in front of the couch. 

I ripped open the box and it was filled with papers.

Lots of papers. 

It only took me a few minutes to realize that these were my journal entries from a dark period of my life.

I thought to myself, maybe I would read these and find some answers or something to go by in there.

Some of the entires read…

3/14

“My name is Anita Walker. 

I am 14 years old. I go to school at West May High school.

I miss my friends, my teachers and my Lucile, my cat.

They told me that I have to come here because they are trying to help me. I am not sure why.

But they let me watch my shows whenever I can, so that makes me feel better.

I miss home but at the same time, I don’t miss home.

Home is not safe.

I want protection and the people here have promised to protect me.

I don’t believe them really because mother promised to protect me. She lied.

I miss mother too.

I wonder what she’s doing

This people haven’t told me when I am leaving here but we shall see.

I wish I had my cat right now”

5/5

“I made a new friend today.

His name is Hazim. He is from Sudan.

He is so strong. He helped me push the table to the wall, so I can sit down and look outside the window and see the birds and the trees.

I have been here for 52days.

I am always sleeping

I don’t like the medicine they give me because it makes me tired and sleepy.

There are a lot of books here and finally I have someone to talk to in Hazim.

Hazel tells me about war and Africa.

I want to go to Africa.

My dad went to Africa when he was younger. I want to be a soldier like my dad when I grow up so I can travel places too but my dad is gone.

I still want to be a soldier though.

But I don’t want to kill people. Unless they hurt other people”

6/15

“Today was hard.

I have been hiding my meds for a few days. When they give it to me, I hide it  inside my throat and then I vomit it out.

The drugs are bad.

They are the alter my mental state. I know it.

That is why we are here.They think we are crazy. So they give us meds and let us sleep and move around like zombies.

But not anymore.

Today we talked about them

Those men.

The ones that took advantage of me.

I remembered the feeling. The feeling that I had drowned so deep inside of me

I hate that therapist and I hate group.

They ask too many questions and they want you to talk about your life.

It’s annoying.

I mean what is that going to change.

It’s not going to change that I was raped. 

I am tired.

Lonely 

And I miss food. Good food.

I am craving some Nandos right now. Well I have been craving for a few days but I know I won’t get it in here.

It’s okay tho. They keep saying I will leave soon.

But it’s day 93.”

6/27

“I hate today.

They told me I have a condition. And it is because of the trauma I have been through and my father dying. They don’t know the story.

They only care about half of it.

They have labelled me.

I dont even feel like myself anymore. I am so tired of everything,

I want to die.”

8/11

“I am joining the government.

A man came today with some documents and told me that if I work for the government, my file will be sealed and I will be free to go.

I have to get out of here.

I feel like with each day, this place is making me crazy.

Hazim always seems to only come when something bad has happened.

But he is always there to talk.

I think I am excited because I get to be like my dad. 

But I am also nervous because I know it will be a lot of training.

Hopefully they pick me”

10/24

“I am leaving tomorrow.

I will miss some of the people here. But I am leaving.

And I am leaving my past behind.

Today is my birthday.

Today, I find a new me”

There were hundreds of entries like that. 

As I read them, I could feel my mind flashing back.

Back to those nights.

Those late nights at home when I just needed someone to help me.

These were the answers I was looking for but I couldn’t connect the dots.

I was sweating as I sat there staring at the papers in my hands.

My palms were sweaty as I flipped through the pages and then I saw it. 

The one I had written before I was taken away

“Hey mother

I went to the clinic today

The asked if I spoke to you

I told them it was just rough 

But I’m bleeding more and more

My body is fine 

Or at least it usually is after a couple of days

My heart is sore

…..

He comes in around 1

Right after family feud rerun

You’re passed out on the futon

He leaves the television on

No need as I don’t scream anymore

I used to plan to run

But he’s so strong

My mind is numb to the pain

It only lasts about a few minutes anyway

And then he leaves

But then so do you 

When I look at you

I’m constantly having to ask

“Who are you?”

…..

I’m tired

My friends don’t feel what I feel

They have different struggles

Real 

But is this real?

Feeling powerless in my own home

You are supposed to be my rock

But even when you’re home

You’re never there

In love with a man that breaks me

And a bottle that rapes you

I know you had your own problems

But why did you bring me into this world

To be a part of this mess

My dad I can’t call

Because he’s gone

Aunty Sally answers her phone

But she barely knows me

I haven’t seen Nana since my 12th birthday party 

It’s just sad and

I’m powerless 

And alone

Living in a home

With a family I can’t call my own

It’s 12:51 and I know he’s coming soon

I just hope by one

These pills will have kicked in

Hey Mother, 

I’m leaving and not coming back

I just needed to let you know

I used your glass”

That sent shivers down my spine and there were tears in my eyes.

I couldn’t stop crying.

I could feel the pain again like the first day.

His cold hands all over my body.

The lust in his eyes.

I could taste the garlic on his lips as he forced them on mine.

I could feel the power leaving me as it did every night back then.

I could feel.

My eyes were flooding and then I heard a knock on the door.

I ignored.

A few seconds later, someone knocked again.

A slowly I got up.

I wiped my tears and approached the door.

I slowly opened it and standing right there was my mother.

My mouth dropped as the tears stopped and she said

“Hello Anita”

…..

We both just stood there.

I was staring at her and she said nothing.

She didn’t ask to come in and I would eventually see why.

She broke the silence as she said

“I’m sorry”

I swallowed and straightened myself and before I could respond.

Two FBI agents entered the room

“Afternoon Miss Anita, you’re under arrest for the murders of ……”

He mentioned two names I hadn’t heard before.

I immediately thought about the box.

Those bodies..

Out of nowhere I began to scream!

There was initially a startled look on the faces of the agents but I screamed louder!

And then more men filled the room

I knew what was going to happen and I wasn’t going to let them have me

I tried to dart for the door

But they sealed it off!

I screamed some more and then I ran into the kitchen, I was about to pull out a knife when one of the agents bear hugged me from behind.

He quickly lowered me to the floor and then they swarmed me.

I wouldn’t stop screaming

“I didn’t do it!

i didn’t do it. Let me goooooooooooo!”

“Please let me go!!!

Fucking let me goooooooooooooooo!”

The men pinned me down. Those menacing looks in their eyes as my behavior probably terrified them.

They lifted me onto the gurney and put the straps on my arms and legs. One shot to my arm and my eyes got dreamy.

I looked over to my mother who was standing in the corner crying and I said

“I hate you”

And then it all went dark.

Please leave me a comment or two…

The End.

Part 4. Well, BE PREPARED.

PLEASE COMMENT!!! 

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Part 4 ON OR BEFORE Saturday.

© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan

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SmokeScreen 2

SmokeScreen 2

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Particles by Sivu

“Mom?

Is that you?”

I was scared and my voice was shaking. The blood on the phone dripping down the side of my face. 

My mind was scaling through a million options and my heart was beating out of my chest.

Then in the calmest voice, my mother said

“Anita, how was your flight to America?”

Huh?!

I was startled. Mind fucked!

“Mom are you okay? Is everything okay?”

She didn’t even pause on the other end as she replied

“Yes but I’m a very upset you didn’t tell me you were leaving. I was worried and then the university you’re going to in Arizona called to let me know you were on your flight.

I hope everything went smoothly..”

I couldn’t believe the words I was hearing. 

Here I was over looking two dead bodies having been picked up by random people, and I was speaking to my mother about a university I had never heard of after running away from home without telling her.

What the actual heck man.

“Mom… The university is okay. 

They gave me a scholarship, I couldn’t turn down”

I lied as I turned my body around to see if anyone was watching.

This was insane and this was even taking into account what I had been through since I landed.

She prayed for me and asked that I call her frequently. She reminded me that I was all she had and she wanted the best for me.

“Please be safe Anita. 

Don’t let any men distract you on your goals. Focus and be safe in America”

If I could laugh, I would have but there was nothing funny. 

I looked at my hand covered in blood as I lowered the phone. I stood there and just stared at the bodies. 

“What was I supposed do now?” 

My mother calling me all the way from Sudan?

I still couldn’t believe it. I felt like I was in a movie where you’re screaming the answers at the character but they still don’t get it. 

I was freaking out but something needed to be done. I didn’t know how much time I had in the open before someone would show up.

I walked around the car slowly and surveyed the area. I was standing by the passengers side door in the front when the phone rang again. 

I looked down and the number said 

“Unknown”

I clicked the answer button and placed the phone by my ear as a man said

“Hello Anita”

It was a new voice. Not one of the ones I had heard before.

At this point, any information I was getting was better than nothing. 

“Y..e..s”

i nervously dragged out my answer.

The man on the other end said

“How are you?

And how’s your mom? She sounds like a very pleasant lady….”

I interrupted and said

“What is going on?

Why are you talking to my mother?

Why am I here and who are these bodies?

What is going on? Can somebody give me some answers?”

The man chuckled and said

“Wow…. wow….. (laughs)

Slow down there Anita. All your questions will have answers soon enough.

But for now, I need you to walk down the steps to the water side..

There is a black box in the corner to your right.

Place both bodies there and leave them….”

He paused and then said

“The police will come in about 30 minutes. So you don’t have a lot of time”

Click.

He was gone. 

There was no voice on the other end anymore.

I tried to redial and it wouldn’t let me because the number was unknown.

I cut a frustrated pose and moaned as I made my way back to the rear of the car.

It was still hard to look at those bodies.

Two young people, they couldn’t have been that much older than me. 26 or 27 maybe.

I leaned in and touched the forearm of the female. It was still warm suggesting that they had only recently been murdered.

I pulled her out of the trunk, sweating as I dragged her down the stairs towards the box the man had mentioned.

It was a big box but it seemed like they knew both bodies would fit. 

Carrying the body of the man was harder. 

He was a bit bigger, more muscle I figured.

I lowered him in the box and I started crying. What had I gotten myself into?

All I wanted to do was leave Sudan and find a better life out in America. Here I was stashing bodies of people I had never met and talking to my mother who I had run from.

It was all so confusing and overwhelming to me.

The tears started to stream down my cheeks.

I couldn’t wipe them off as my hands were covered in blood.

I slumped on top of the box and seriously became consumed by my feeling.

The sense of powerlessness I had both times I was raped, washed over me.

I wanted more.

I didn’t want this. I didn’t know this.

I had no control over this.

I cried for a few minutes and then I woke up. 

Cleaned my face with my elbows, alternating the sides.

I climbed up the steps and back to the car.

“What next?”

I thought.

Here I was in the middle of nowhere, with a box filled with bodies and I knew no one.

I thought about calling 911 for a brief moment and then I thought, how would I explain myself?

I closed the trunk and turned around.

Behind me, a police car was pulling up with it’s lights flashing.

The car stopped and both officers jumped out with their guns drawn and I heard shouts of 

“Hands where I can see them!! Put those hands up!”

I froze and lifted my hands up. 

The fear of getting shot almost paralyzed my senses and I just stood there with my hands to the sky.

“On your knees! With your hands on your head!”

The officer on the driver side, yelled at me.

I slowly dropped to my knees and placed my hands on head.

I will not lie, I was shivering down to my panties.

Something in me wanted to run. Like I knew I couldn’t outrun the police but I would just run into oblivion. 

But they approached me and a few seconds later, I was in handcuffs.

They didn’t read my rights, nor did they ask me any questions.

I was led into the back of the squad car and both officers stood outside.

Minutes later a black car with tinted windows showed up. The TSA agent from hours before was now dressed in a suit.

Another man was driving.

They both came out of the car and shook the officers hands. 

I turned my body from my seating position to get a better look. 

Then something crazy happened, both men in the suits that just arrived, walked down to the waterside and grabbed the box.

The brought it back to the car that just arrived and placed it in there.

The TSA agent guy, hopped into the car where the bodies initially were and drove off.

The second car followed closely.

The officers returned to the car and got in.

I immediately launched into them and said

“Whats going on?!

You know those men, killed those people right?

They brought me here!”

I was about to start crying again.

That threshold you hit where your frustrations are uncontainable and you have no option but to cry.

The officer in the passenger seat laughed and said

“What bodies?”

I stopped as they both looked at each other and smiled.

The officer driving, looked in his rearview mirror and made eye contact with as he said something that would not only stick with me but would later give me a sense of what was really going on. He said

“Just do your part and don’t worry about the rest”

About twenty minutes later, we arrived at an apartment complex. The officers took me through the back and parked.

They both got out and removed the handcuffs.

The driver opened the trunk and pulled out an envelope. 

It was one of those big brown ones.

He handed it to me and said

“Apartment 648”

They turned around, entered the car and drove off.

I opened the envelope and it had a set of keys, my documents and some money in cash.

I looked around to see if I was dreaming.

Up the stairs I went and I stopped in front of apartment 648. 

I opened the door and what I saw shook me to my core.

There were pictures of me all over the world on the walls, there was mail addressed to me on the kitchen counter, the whole place was furnished!

It looked like I had been living there for years.

I walked into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror.

Staring at myself, I whispered “What The Heck Man”.

I wasn’t confused anymore.

I was just lost.

At that very moment, I didn’t know who I was anymore.

……

That time of the year is coming up again. For the “Behind The Writer” edition of 2016, I will soon start gathering questions that you want to answer.
If there is anything you want to know about The Wordsmith, I’ll answer in my piece while sharing things about myself that you may not already know.
Thank you ALL for your continued SUPPORT.
I am always humbled by the positive comments/criticism. Remember I started writing so girls could like me, today, I like who I am and who my art has allowed me to connect with.

Bigger stories, New Perspective and endless moments of screaming #WhatTheHeckMan.

…….

“Anita… Anita…. Anita!”

“Huh

What happened”

I looked around and noticed the whole classroom staring at me.

“Were you day dreaming again?”

My group member Neida asked me with quizzed look on her face.

I quickly got up, pulled my skirt down and rushed to the front of the class.

About twenty minutes later, our presentation in my Public Policy Management class was over. 

It was the final one of the semester and our signaled the end of that class.

I was making my way to my car and my mind went back to the class.

Very frequently, I would get lost in thought about all that happened since I moved to the United States.

It had been six months since I last heard from the airport agent, the driver or the man on the phone.

I was living in my place, and had begun my journey towards completing school and just trying to forget all of that

My bills were always paid on time and I just went about my life like I had a guardian angel watching over me.

I walked into the Panda Express and waited in line as I scrolled through my Twitter page.

When it was my turn, I ordered half and half with kung pao chicken and some orange chicken.

I walked out the door and into my car. I pulled into my parking spot a few minutes later.

I fiddled with my keys and I opened my door, I almost dropped my entire plate of food as I noticed the TSA agent man from months before, sitting on my couch.

I was still clearly shaken up when he rose from his seat and stretched out his hand as he said

“Hello, my name is Hazim.”

Shivering, I shook his hand.

He smiles and said

“How have you been?

Well I hope… Sorry I scared you but I need you to come with me”

Eat? Was he crazy?

I placed the food on the table and we headed out the door.

He drove and said nothing.

It was bright and sunny outside as we pulled into the back of a popular strip club “Sinnamon”

We walked through the door and there was a man sitting by himself in a booth.

I walked behind Hazim to the man.

The ran stood up and stretched out his hand and said

“Anita, nice to finally meet you”

My eyes grew big!

I knew that voice! It was the man that called me that first day after I spoke with my mother.

He smiled and sat down

I sat down across from him and Hazim stood a few feet away from both of us

“I know you have a lot of questions but the answers will come if you are patient and you stick to the program”

He slid over another envelope and said

“There is a gun in there. There is a car parked outside, go the car and head to the address you find in the car.”

I looked at him and said

“No!

I’m not doing anything!

I am not going anywhere! You have had me running and watching my back for months with no answers!

I need fucking answers!”

He smiled and said

“Anita, just do as we ask.

You are only a small part of the picture. Just let things move smoothly”

I was getting more confident as I raised my voice

“No.

Ever since I have been here, nobody has told me anything. 

How I got the apartment, the school, who you are!.

NOTHING!!!!”

he motioned to me with his hands to keep my voice down

He said

“Okay what would you like to know?”

I said

“First, why me?

What am I doing here?”

He leaned across the table and quietly said

“You came to us. Don’t you remember?

You picked us, not the other way around”

I was so confused.

What did he mean by I came to them?

I had never met that man before.

This was all just one big scary puzzle.

Hazim led me out through the front and there was a car running

I walked to the car, it had the Uber sticker on the dashboard.

There was an iPhone sitting on the pod, it beeped with a customer requesting a ride.

I accepted it.

About 6 minutes later, I arrived and a man walked out of the house and into my car.

He opened the back door and entered the car.

I turned to say hi and the sight I saw was one that evoke pain.

He said my name first

“Anita?”

And then he smiled

I turned back forward and noticed the envelope I had placed on the passengers seat.

I reached for it and slid my hand into it.

I turned around one more time to make sure it was really who I thought it was.

he said

“Anita, how many years has it been?

How did you get to America?!”

I didn’t need to reply. I didn’t owe him a reply.

But he owed me his life.

I pulled the trigger.

I shot him.

Twice.

The End.

Part 3 will definitely be OUT ON OR BEFORE Saturday! I PROMISE!!!!! 😘

PLEASE COMMENT!!! 

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Part 3 ON OR BEFORE this Saturday

© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan

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The Convenient Christian 2

The Convenient Christian 2

IMG_6924

Do you even know who I am?

I have clothef myself in an identity that is not befitting

I carry your name

But when you call me by the names I claim

I fail to answer

Have I become comfortable in knowing about you

But not knowing you

Knowing you enough to find myself in you

People know me as a son of you

But am I really a bastard to you?

….

I just took a selfie

In the place of worship

I remember the outfit of that day

But the sermon

No way

There is a war going on in

My daily struggle to fight the hardship

But my current dilemma is whether or not I should post it

My order just arrived

New shoes

Tithes?

Malachi who?

It is so easy to save

To attend that rave

To be lost in the new wave

But all efforts to convince me to give to your house are in vain 

……

Dinner dates

Work retreats

Movies times

Bible reading 

Quiet time?

I’m too tired

You’ll go through 5 timelines to get the full gist

But bible reading continues to be met with fuss

Everything else in my life is on cue

But I’m only consistent in prayer to you when I need you

Who am I without you

Nobody

The world may see a somebody

But without your favor and grace

Well who is anybody

…..

The vanity

This thing that has led to a collective insanity

We have lost ourselves in the attempt to get others to like us

Two hours of make up 

A nice shape up

To hide the real work

Papering over the cracks

The scratches on our wall of character

Undoubtedly

We want more

More of the acceptance of the world than of you

Will he like me

Will she want me

The real question should be

Do I want him

….

The alarm goes off

I’ll drop down to the floor and strengthen my biceps

But my spiritual muscle is weak

I’ve been leaving myself defenseless

Against the trials of the world

The struggles untold

I’m holding onto a history that’s faded

Our correspondence is outdated

I’m like a lost child

I don’t call

I’ll be in your home and I won’t open my mouth to greet you

But when I need a ride to the next level

I begin to shout

Oh what have we become

…..

Masks hide who you are

You highlight what you what the world to know

Advice for the broken

Sermons on Youtube

Gossip in private

Malice married with rage

Who are you?

A leader to the Lord

Or a leader of the lost

You claim to want to bring men closer to God

Yet you judge them as they attempt to know said Lord

Are you inviting them to his house

Or ultimately turning them away instead

……

Girls like men that serve the Lord

I know that

The end times says there will be a lot of false prophets

Not everyone of them will be wearing suits and ties

Many on Twitter and Instagram living lies

Carefully crated quotes and bible verses

Words like a sweet smelling savor people inhale

But they do not exhale the quality you sell

You know you know the Lord

So the women want to know you

Some reflect the Lord

Because they align with what they want to

Today there are men that claim to be of God

But you sit there licking your lips and your shirt is off

Vanity or leading to lust

Your voice is the gift from God

Worship on Sunday

Hands lifted up

But the rest of the week

Your melody is that your hotline isn’t blinging up

Like shopping through the clearance rack

Today Christians pick and choose

Believe that 

Abide by that

Ignore that

Reframe that

Oh that? I’m never guilty of that 

…..

The kinds of Christians majority of us are today

Are simple

Know enough about the Lord

But fail to be challenged in his ways

Tested by his law

You compromise his words and his teachings

At work you’re silent

But your spiritual rights keep being taken

Now the household of Christ seems confused

Some conform to the world

And you agree too

His words are clear

But we try to manipulate the word to accommodate our sin

You and me

Are we completely submissive to his will

Many Christians today are like you and me

Probably going to read this and have it minister to you

But post this or share with your friends

Well that’s something you may never do

Who am I to blame you

I’m just as guilty as you

But who are we fooling

Your bio says “child of God”

He’s still smiling down

But you’re clearly ignoring the call

The End

Someone asked me recently what my purpose was. Simply put, this is it right here.
Well a key part of it. To use my words to inspire and empower people.

It took me years to embrace it but I am a writer, a believer, a work in progress and a child of God. There is sometimes a fear in saying that out loud on social media or in certain quarters out of fear of being judged, ridiculed or sometimes not even believing the words.

When I wrote Part 1 of Convenient Christian, I was actually sitting in a church at the back and it was probably my first time in church for about 3 or 4 months. And to be perfectly honest, I only went because I was beginning to have problems in certain relationships.

One thing I am still thankful to God for is that he can still convict me. Like I do certain things and immediately, I can tell I shouldn’t be doing it or I should be fixing that. Do I ignore his voice sometimes, yes but I am glad he hasn’t gone completely silent.

Recently, I have seen a wave of “new age ministers”. The beautiful and handsome ones with all the right quotes and bible verses for you to retweet or screenshot but I then asked myself, how many of them are truly reflecting God?
It is one thing to know of God but another entirely different thing to be known by God.

You give “great advice” to women, your fan base increases, then the message now involves your looks and it’s no longer about the message. You are doing a disservice to the household of God.
Drawing them in, only to eventually regress them.

I thought I had it figured out.
The vanities of life.
Yes, I cared about my pictures on Instagram, who liked me or wanted to invite me to their party, who was following me on Twitter, how big is this blog.
I got so lost in all that, I didn’t realize when I began to lose myself.

There are core values/assets in you that should never be compromised. The situations may change but who you are should be grounded.

There is a word in this piece for you. Have you found it?
Did you let it minister to you?

I am not a preacher. Nor do I believe that I am in a place to judge anyone regarding his or her relationship with God but this came to me.

There is so much of me in this piece; the constant struggle to balance it all. But more work needs to be done.

So I challenge you today to search your heart and find where you need him most and where you need to do more for God.

I challenge you to be a blessing to someone else today. This relationship with God shouldn’t be built out of convenience.
Whole heartedly serving him should lead to a life of convenience.

It’s the Wordsmith with #WordsOfWednesday on #WhatTheHeckMan

Don’t forget Smokescreen 2 comes out on Saturday!

Please COMMENT BELOW.

Uncategorized

SmokeScreen

Smokescreen

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The Nile ft. Rae Morris by SIVU

Alone.

I could taste the dirt on my lips. 

Particles of sand made their way onto my tongue.

The soil a few feet away from me was soaked in blood

My eyes watered as I strained them.

Sweat covered my burning face as the sun kissed me longer than I asked it to.

My arms hurt.

Throbbing as I continued to dig. 

I had been there for hours. The sun was asleep when I arrived.

And now it had invited the world as an audience as I slave away.

Blisters on my palms beneath my gloves as I moved the shovel in and out.

My shoulders felt heavy. 

Like the weight of the world sat on them.

But the night before, there had been bodies on them.

Two bodies. 

One box. 

Me.

How did I get here you asked?

There are choices an individual makes that alter ones life for ever. Some are made for you without your input and you still have to live with them.

There is a lot you would find out as I recount some of the events that have led up to me being here. 

In most cases like these, the order of the questions are simple. 

First the “When?” and then “How and Why?”

The “when” and “how” questions are easy to answer. But the “why” question, well, you’ll have to come along and pay close attention to see if you can solve this.

Cause Heaven knows I need answers too.

 …..

When I boarded the flight out of Sudan, I knew very little about what the future held.

The only thing I knew with a fair bit of certainty was that my journey was going to be about 35 hours in total to get into Arizona.

Long, I know but that long flight meant the hope of a new life.

It meant safety.

I took my seat, 21B, I still remember clearly and I scanned my surroundings.

My eyes met that of another passenger. He flashed a smile at me and I forced one back.

I bent down and stowed my handbag under the seat in front of me.

Another scan of the other passengers as my head rose, I leaned back and began to whisper a prayer.

When I opened my eyes, I noticed a man standing in the aisle and he smiled as he pointed to the empty seats to my left.

“Oh, I’m sorry”

I said as I got out of my seat so he could get into his seat.

He was a white man.

He sat in the window seat and I remember praying he was the last one coming in because I didn’t want to get up again.

I rubbed my hands together and then ran them over my thighs. The man next to me smiled and said

“First time flying?”

I smiled and shyly nodded.

He smiled even bigger and said

“Don’t worry.It will go smoothly.

Just relax and get some sleep, it’s a long ride. 

Where are you headed?”

I looked down wishing this conversation wasn’t happening. I replied with a smile 

“Arizona”

“Oh, thats way out there!”

He exclaimed.

How did I know different? 

I didn’t know which was in there or out there. all I knew was that I wanted to touch American soil.

I could not wait for that plane to take off. There was so much that I wanted to leave behind.

I held my breath as the plane made its way down the runway. 

Clutching the seat panel, the plane ascended and I prayed one last prayer.

“God do not bring me back here. Ever”

Now, I know some of you would be wondering why I would say that about my country and for that reason, I am glad you’re here. 

We have a lot to cover.

At 24, Sudan had only managed to take from me without giving me much in return.

My father was died in the heat of the war.

I was raped twice by the time I was 12 and 5 months before leaving the country, my mother had agreed a deal with my uncle to marry a “friend” of the family and move to Ghana.

I was not going to wait and be “sold” into a life where I would have no control.

One thing I learned after the second time I was raped, this time by my older cousin, was that you can never assume that people would do good to you.

And if you waited, you will be stuck in a reactive state of whatever the situation brings.

So I decided to always be proactive and go after what I wanted. 

The night my mother told me that I was basically being married off to a man, I called my friend who knew some experts in forgery. 

My school fees were redirected to them without the knowledge of my mother and a few weeks later, I received all my necessary documents to relocate to the United States of America. .

The land of opportunity.

…..

I knew no one in the United States but a guy that had added me on Facebook a few years back. 

That handbag under the seat was all I had to my name on that flight.

It contained two other blouses, a pair of jeans, 6 panties, my school documents and (MONEY).

I was walking away from safety; from home.

But I had to run. 

Fast.

Or that place or its people were going to consume me.

I knew my mother would be livid that I left without her blessing but she could be in trouble with the family council as I had been promised off.

I wasn’t sure if “payment” had been given my mother yet but waiting to find out was never going to happen.

I fell asleep about an hour into that first flight. My mind travelled miles ahead of me as I dreamt. 

The turbulence shook the plane as she neared our destination. Landings are funny but scary to me.

You know you’re coming down to the place you want to be but there is some anxiety around what waits on the ground. 

Somehow, I just wanted to get outside the airport. To smell the American air in the land of freedom.

I waited as people got of the plane after we landed. The pilot welcomed us to the 

“United States of America”

Oh the melody those words brought to my ears. I didn’t rush of the plane.

I couldn’t anyway because I was at the back of the plane. 

The air hostess smiled at me as my row cleared out. They thanked me for flying with them as I stepped out of the plane. 

As I walked off, I reached the customs line for visitors to the United States. I suddenly became really nervous but I wasn’t sure.

I couldn’t get deported.

But I had faith that my documents had got me this far, so I should be fine.

A few people ahead of me and I was next in line. The customs agent looked up and smiled

I swallowed hard

He motioned at me and I approached

“Evening Miss Anita, what brings you to the US today?”

I thought answering quickly and confidently would get me through

I said

“I’m here to visit some family”

with a smile

He looked at me and said

“You need to enter their address Miss”

I swallowed hard again.

Address?

I didn’t have an address. I didn’t even know where I was going from the airport.

I literally knew no one out there.

He caught it and said

“You don’t have it do you?”

I smiled and shook my head.

He smiled again and said

“It happens all the time. Try to get it next time. 

Enjoy your stay”

He said as he stared at my breasts bulging out of my T-shirt.

I smiled and quickly walked away.

I was in!

There was something in me that wanted to run towards the door but I tried to play it cool.

My heart was jumping for joy.

I made it out.

There was a reassurance of my strong will, God helped me out but I got out.

I was about to walk out of the airport when I heard my name

My heart literally dropped. 

Nobody knew me here. How could anyone be calling my name?

I slowly turned around and it was the customs agent with a police officer behind him.

Fuck!

“Miss, could you come with us please?”

I couldn’t believe it. I was almost out.

I clutched my purse and walked slowly with them.

They took me into a room, and they just left me there.

Nobody came to speak to me.

Nobody said anything to me. Not a single soul came into the room for almost an hour.

I was sure that I was done.

At one point, I thought they were already looking for a flight to send me back to Sudan. 

I was waiting and praying.

Suddenly the door swung open and the same agent walked in again, this time alone.

He didn’t say anything.

He just held the door open. I sat there and tried to figure out what was going on.

I slowly got up and motioned towards the door.

He said nothing and so I walked out.

I headed out of the door and he walked closely behind me. 

Through the airport doors and I was outside. The whole time he walked behind me I never turned around.

When we got outside, there was a car waiting. I stopped outside not knowing it was there for me.

The agent walked to the car and opened the right rear door and motioned with his hand for me to get in.

I lowered myself into the car.

There was a driver in the passenger seat and he was silent.

He began to drive and said nothing.

About 30minutes later, the car stopped.

He got out of the car and asked me to step out.

I stepped out and we both walked to the back of the car. He opened the trunk and there were two dead bodies there.

I screamed and covered my mouth!

He said

“Take care of it”

I was in shock. 

I stared at the bodies and froze. Another car pulled up and the driver got into it and left.

There I was. By the water side with a trunk filled with two dead bodies of people I did not know.

My mind completely slowed down.

I just couldn’t believe what I was staring at.

What The Heck Man!

Nothing made sense. The airport didn’t make sense. 

This didn’t make sense.

I just needed answers. I placed my bag which I was still clutching on the ground. 

And then I heard a phone ringing.

I looked around trying to figure out where the sound was coming from. 

The ringing continued and then I figured it was coming from the trunk.

I paused but the ringing continued

I reached my hand between the bodies and pulled out the bloody phone.

My hands were covered in blood

I tapped the “Answer” button and I placed the phone to my ear.

I swallowed as my throat had dried up and said

“Hello”

The voice on the other end was familiar.

It was my mother and she said

“Hello Anita”

I couldn’t believe it.

What The Heck Man. I tried to figure it out but I realized that I had to comment and come back for Part 2 on Saturday.

The End

Big big birthday shout out to the love of my life. My mother turns 50 today! 
I am so blessed to have her.
She is EVERYTHING and so much more! Happy birthday to Mummy #WhatTheHeckMan 😂😂

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