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Lights Off by Charlie Cunningham


I could hear my own breathing.

I was feeling so outcast. I didn’t do it.

But in the court of public opinion, I was sure that I had been labeled as the one that hurt Nora.

I stared at the wall. It was a nervous wait.

I knew they would send my father’s lawyer who had also been present during the case involving my mother.

It was like waiting for your test scores on a multiple choice test where you were sure the results would come, but unsure of what they would look like.

The clock ticked on as I watched the hands move around the sphere.

I was so tired.

I placed both my hands on the table and placed my head on it as I began to fall asleep.

Only about ten minutes the door burst open. It was Ballazar holding the open and my lawyer; Mr Cornell walked in.

Ballazar and Matthews sat across Sent from my iPhone

“Did you do it?”

I shook my head as I whispered lowly and said

“No I didn’t”

He looked into my eyes and he was ready to go. That was how he worked.

He always truly believed his clients.

It was the same way he spoke to my father when he came to our house after the murder of my mother.

This man defended my family and he was always present to support us.

Mr. Cornell started off by saying

“I would like for my client to be left alone if there is no real reason for holding him here except suspicion and hearsay.”

Ballazar spoke.

He was the arrogant one but the more experienced of the two.

“Well a few hours ago, we only had accounts from other or hearsay as you called it…

and now the rape kit test and the biopsy have come back and it shows some scarring and bruised tissue inside her privates.
There was also a high solution of latex presumably from a condom.

We found a condom wrapper in your room Mr Moka”

I was getting infuriated.

Now he was claiming I raped her???

She came to me!

How would I have been ale to rape her with one foot?

“I did not rape her. Yes we had sex but that was in my room and she came to me.

Why would I need to rape someone who…”

Mr Cornell jumped in and said

“Sage, I’m going to advise you not to answer any more questions”

I blew him off as I said

“No, it’s okay. I’m being wrongly accused here and it’s going on for too long.

Nora came to me that night, we had sex and when I woke up in the morning, she was gone. That was all I remember but I know I for sure did not hurt Nora.”

Ballazar laughed and said

“Isn’t it convenient that you cannot remember whether or not you killed a woman but you remember sex with the same woman?
How I see it, you wanted her. She said no. So you raped her and then poisoned her or maybe poisoned her and then raped her. Some of you young men are filthy nowadays”

I was filled with disgust and if I could jump across the table, I would have punched him in the face.

I leaned over the table and said

“You have got to stop telling me,, I did anything to that woman. I loved that woman and wanted her for years.

Why would I now kill her when I finally had a shot with her?

That’s just stupid and I’m not stupid.”

Matthews jumped in and said

“We also found a bottle of Hennessy in your room and she had a high level of alcohol in her system.

There was also tissue found under her fingernails… So she got a piece of her rapist”

“Take my sample. Test it!”

I snapped back at them.

Mr Cornell leaned in towards me and said

“You don’t have to do this. They have no reasonable proof”

I replied

“I have nothing to hide and I’m tired of this”

Mr Cornell said to the detectives

“Since my client is cooperating and not been declared a suspect, we would like to leave.”

Ballazar said

“You are free to go but don’t . We may have further questions as things develop”

I got up and headed out of the room. My lawyer held the door open for me as I walked out.

The door closed behind us and I dropped down into a squatting position.

My legs felt weak. That pain in my ankles was back and my insides were riddled with fear.

I know I didn’t do it within my heart but it was sure looking like I did with every moving step.

I was beginning to think I might have done it and not known.

The confusion and fear was now killing me and all I could think was #WhatTheHeckMan


I sat down on the seat in the lobby with my head in my hands.

This process was overwhelming.

Familiar but overwhelming.

I was also accused when my mother died. It was just a floated possibility back then.

It obviously didn’t stick because I was younger and my alibi checked out but how many people have to defend themselves on two murders in their lifetime?

What if they didn’t believe me?

Some think OJ Simpson got off easy on the murder of his wife and associate but he still ended up in jail years later because of another offense.

Karma maybe?

What if people thought I was just a killer going around killing people?

My lawyer stood next to me and said

“I’m going to subpoena the video footage from the hotel if there is any and have my guy look over it. I noticed some cameras when I walked in.

I’ll also try to get any information I can off the autopsy report.

I’ll be back in a few hours… In the meantime, do not speak to anyone without me present.


I nodded without saying a word as he walked to the exit.

He stopped and said

“Oh btw, your father said he is flying in. I’m not sure when he will be getting in but just wanted to let you know”

I sighed heavily as I just wanted to give up. The pressure was starting to get to me.

It was coming. But I was worried about what would happen next. I straightened myself and headed into the room they had everyone waiting in.

I could feel all their eyes piercing me as I walked in. You could tell that they thought I was guilty. It was painful to watch and you could feel the tension in the room. I almost didn’t want to be there but I also didn’t want to be the only one off in my room to further contribute to suspicion.

I took my seat in the back of the brightly lit room and stayed silent.

We must have been sitting there for another 45minutes or so when Phillip blurted out

“I don’t know why they have kept us in here for this long. I’m tired and I want to go”

Dillion responded and said

“We are free to go. We are not under arrest but what can you do in these circumstances.

Nothing. So let’s just calm down and wait”

It all seemed handled until Beth said

“I don’t know why they continue to keep us here when they already know who did it…”

She said as she stole a glance my way.

“Exactly, when people think it’s okay to harm other people because they won’t be with them.”

Bart chimed back.

I felt so targeted and I was already on edge, I didn’t realize when I was up and screaming in Bart’s face

“Who the fuck are you to say that to me?

You know I would never hurt that woman you son of a bitch…

Fuck you Bart”

He was also up and in my face as Dillion and Phillip tried to separate us.

“You’re a fucking bitch!”

I yelled out. All I could see was red as I got angry. I wanted to punch him in the face.

The guys eventually successfully pulled us apart and I was huffing and puffing as I headed back to my seat.

Bart continued cursing under his breath until Sai said

“Bart that’s so rich of you. Weren’t you also all over Nora for the longest time and never got any. Does that make you a killer. Ease up”

Bart said

“Correction we actually had sex a few times even before she got into her relationship and her engagement. So yeah…”

Sai replied

“Yeah and i don’t think you made that much of an impression on her. And don’t sit here and play like you weren’t trying to get with her even when we arrived on his trip. She told me

The last time Nora and I spoke before this trip, she said she had big news to share with all of us.

And she was excited to see all of us. So let’s all be patient and let the police to their job. I’m sure she loved us all and we cared about her too but fighting won’t bring her back”

She was right but more information had come out. I was surprised as a few other people.

I never knew that Nora and Bart had a thing even though I wasn’t shocked.

This was all getting crazy.

I sat there trying to remember the night again but I wasn’t able to connect the final piece of the night.

All I had was up until I slept off.

What happened that night?

What happened to Nora?

The door opened up and the detectives walked in and Ballazar said

“We heard it was getting crazy in here. Everything okay?”

He scanned the room and said

“Who was the lady that discovered the body again?”

Rachel raised her hand and that was when I noticed her. She had been so quiet.

I figured she was just still in shock or hand processed that Nora was gone.

Ballazar said

“We want to thank you all for your patience. We have been working down a lead and we think we might have something.

Nora’s online journal was discovered and as we speak, our guys are combing through it to get any more information we can.

We know you would all like to return to your busy lives and we will have you out of here as soon as we can”

He looked over my way and turned around to exit the room. There were two police officers inside the room with us but they weren’t engaging us.

They weren’t giving us answers, I said a quick prayer as I hoped Nora’s journal would have some answers.


#WhatTheHeckMan was 2 a few days ago. Truly, it is only so because of every single one of you. From your presence, to your comments, support, feedback, sharing; THANK YOU.
You are an AMAZING part of my life and I enjoy creating and writing these exciting stories for you. Thank you again.
if there is anything I would ask of you on this journey, is that you experience the art and the words with me. Be open to feeling and the creativity.
Your comments keep me engaged with you and I look forward to them more than most interactions. You are EVERYTHING.
Again, from The Wordsmith and #WhatTheHeckMan; THANK YOU!


The nights are hard.

During the day, I barely remember being engaged.

Well once engaged.

Life and it’s distractions have been so helpful because I haven’t been dwelling on it all.

There is a stigma however subtle that comes from a failed engagement. 

But I am happy.

I realized late that I didn’t want to be in that situation but I’m so glad I realized before it was too late.

Dating would be interesting but I’m enjoying the attention I’ve been getting already.

Everyone seems to be doing well for themselves and that makes me feel good.

I love my people. ️😍

Bart needs to chill with the advances tho. I’m not making that same mistake again. 

Dating within your group of friends can be so hard because when you eventually break up and believe me you will, it can crush the entire group. 

Oooooooh! I saw Sage today for the first time in a few years that man is fine!

Too bad I don’t want a boyfriend right now but 

If he makes a move, he can definitely get it. Or maybe I’ll just go and get what I want. Those big arms and chiseled chest.! How did I even miss it that he became so handsome? 😑😖😞😕

Anyway, I need to get some of him before I leave.

Rachel said she wants to talk to me but idk what about again. I think she may still be upset with me pulling out of the dynamic. I mean it was fun but I like dick too much soooooo… 😊😊😊

 She’s been super quiet lately but we’ll see.

Anywho, I’m just glad that gang is together again….

I’m excited to have fun and be had… It should be a great weekend…

I’ll come back to tell you all about it..”


Those were the words entered into Nora’s journal the day we arrived on the trip. It wasn’t great surprising but it shed light on someone we all might have been missing the entire time; Bart.

My lawyer showed up with a man with him. The man introduced himself and I can’t seem to remember his name right now but they came into the waiting room with Ballazar and Matthews. Signaling to me, my lawyer said

“You’re going to want to see this”

Everyone sat up straight and wanted to know what he was talking about. We walked into the room they were using for interrogations and the man with Mr Cornell put a computer on the table.

He began to play a video and Ballazar said

“Is this footage from the hotel?”

My lawyer said


Ballazar replied

“My guys are already on this.”

Mr Cornell replied and said

“I bet you do but it would take your men days to go through all of it. I had one of my guys devote all day to it out”


Ballazar said

“How can we know it’s not been edited? I need to verify it”

He stepped up and walked to the door. He opened it and spoke into the hallway

“Send Max here please”

A few moments later, a man I assumed to be Max walked in.


Ballazar asked him

“Is this the same footage we got?”

The man nodded and said in a low but audible tone

“I actually wanted to let you know that we got something. I think we might have been focusing on the wrong person”

Ballazar looked confused and turned to the man and said



Max was about to answer when Matthews said

“Isn’t that you Mr Moka coming out of your room and walking into Nora’s room?”

I squinted at the screen but I didn’t need to.

It was me.

I was watching myself go into her room. There was a dead silence over the room.

I was scared.

Maybe I did it but I couldn’t remember it. I could figure out what I would have been doing in there.

What The Heck Man

I was beginning to panic and Ballazar said

“So you brought us the video to show us that your client committed the crime?

I don’t know if I should thank you or advise your client to fire you”


He laughed as he spoke. Mr Cornell replied

“Just be patient and watch”


I wasn’t sure how this was supposed to get better for me and then I saw myself again.

This time leaving Nora’s room.

Looking completely normal as I had gone in. Besides I was thinking to myself, for me to have gone into her room, Nora must have opened the door because you would have needed a key card to open it.

I feel better but only a bit.

I walked out of the room but nobody knows what might have happened in there.

Mr Cornell said to his associate manning the video

“Speed it up a bit”


He clicked something and the video sped up a bit but it showed Nora coming out of her room, coming into mine and the shortly after leaving to hers with a glass of something in her hand. It must have been my Hennessy.

So I guess we drank together.

But it showed Nora was alive at the last time I saw her.

She had been poisoned though, so I could have done that in my room.

My lawyer told his guy

“Cut to that shot you found on the second floor”

The man pressed some keys and there it was. The clearest clue as to what happened that night.

There was someone walking into a maintenance closet but their back was to the camera.

A few minutes later the person emerged and now their face was visible to the camera and everyone watching. The next shot they showed was off her walking into my room with a white bottle in her hand and then leaving minutes later.

Ballazar said


“Oh no”


Mr Cornell leaned back in his seat and smiled

I was still in shock as Max said to Ballazar

“Yeah, that’s what I was trying to tell you”

I didn’t realize when I said

“Oh my God… I can’t believe it”

Mr Cornell said

“We couldn’t believe either but the video doesn’t lie”

My eyes wide open. My left hand was covering my mouth.

I could feel my brain working overtime, trying to wrap my head around it all.

I moved my hand as I said

“Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my fucking gosh. This entire time.

This whole time… Wow”

I looked at Max’s face and said

“It’s Rachel”

He nodded back. I didn’t need to say it but #WhatTheHeckMan was written on all their faces and yours right now.



Give me feedback. How did this make you feel? 


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Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for Fade 4 starting next week.

© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan




I used to feel untouchable
I was so confident in love
I used to wonder how those who got their hearts broken felt
I never knew it was like this
Like a bitter sore in the corner of one’s throat
It stung

When we first met
The things you told me I couldn’t believe
You told me you loved me and you told me you needed me
And that without me you couldn’t live eternally
Now the story is different
Now you don’t call
Texting on your full keyboard phone seems so hard
You don’t even remember how I used to make you feel

I only wonder how your feelings can change
So suddenly
I remember how my heart throbbed when I first said I love you
I remember the big smile I had on my face when you said it back
It was bliss
But what can we call this
This thing that has torn us apart
We seemed perfect
But now we struggle to make contact

I can’t sleep cos I see your smile
I can’t drink cos I thirst for your love
Is it me or am I asking much?
I gave my all and I expected the same in return
So how come I’m the only one having sleepless nights
How come I can’t stop thinking about you while you party with friends?
I don’t think I can ever feel again
What I felt for you

It only makes me wonder
Was it ever love
Or was I in a world of my own
I guess we’ll never know
It still baffles me
Was our love unbreakable
Did we have real love?
Cos I know for sure that I’m not calling you to find out
You broke me once and I won’t stand to hear it again
But you can Facebook me o!

Written April 2006

WhatTheHeckMan is 2. And all I can say is THANK GOD and THANK YOU ALL.


Art · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Oakland · Poetry · Sex · Uncategorized

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Lights Off by Charlie Cunningham


I sat there frozen.

Somewhat glued to my seat.

It felt like I was watching a horrible scary movie where I knew how it would end but couldn’t speak.

I tried to play the how, understand the why and fathom the when, all in my head.

How could I tell them that I had seen her the night before?

What happened? How was Nora dead? Did someone hurt her?


There were murmurs in the lobby. All our activities for the day were cancelled as we tried to wrap our heads around this thing that has shaken the core of the group to its foundation.

Was it someone in our group?

A robbery gone wrong?


Eight hours had gone by now and we were all in our rooms. Nobody seemed to want to be seen. I laid in my bed as I remembered the night before.

I continued to play out scenarios in my head. The fact that the officers hadn’t told us what happened didn’t help either. It only gave our minds free range to craft and build stories in our heads.

I couldn’t imagine someone within our group wanting to hurt Nora. I continued to lean towards the theory that it was a robbery gone wrong. I think this was because my mind didn’t want the rape theory because it would mean that I was fucked. My touches were all over her. My skin probably under her finger nails.

I would be the prime suspect.


I needed answers. I needed Nora to not be dead.


At this point I had truly forgotten about the pain I was feeling in my ankles when I heard a knock on the door.

I opened it up and there stood a police officer along with a hotel employee.


“Mr Sage Moka, would you mind coming down with us”


I followed them slowly and when I arrived at the small conference room Dillion, Sai, Beth and Rachel where already seated. The others arrived shortly. There were some officers standing around. It almost felt like a holding cell.

We all sat down and two men came to address us. One of them came up and said,

“As you all know, there was a tragic event that occurred to one of yours sometime ago. My name is Detective Ballazar and this is Detective Matthews and we are just here to ask you some questions, so we can get to the bottom of this.

Hopefully this doesn’t take too long and you can all return to your lives”
They randomly called us in, or so I thought but I was the 4th one to go in.

Beth, Rachel and Phillip had all gone ahead of me.
When I walked in the room, the detectives were pleasant and then the questions came.

My biggest concern was, would they take my word as my word or will I be judged or be a suspect.


Detective Matthews said,


“Mr…Moka, can you account for whereabouts last night from 10pm till 3am”
I replied quickly,

“I was in my room. With a sore ankle. You can ask all my friends.”

He nodded and then asked,

“How would you describe your relationship with your group of friends?”
I was surprised by the question but I answered,

“It’s a good and fluid relationship with all my friends”


Detective Ballazar would jump in and say,


“So from the background check we ran on you, it seems like you’re familiar with the system. A huge incident with the law a few years back in Arizona?

Do tell us about that please”
I dropped my head.

I guess it was true what they said, sometimes you cannot outrun your past.


“Dad, there’s something I need to talk to you about.”
He looked down from the radio system he was fixing as he said,

“What is it son?”

There was so much honesty in his eyes. I swallowed hard.

I panicked.

I wanted to tell him.

It’s something I knew he had to know but the how was something I struggled with.

My father was my protector.

We had that cliche father and son relationship. We played sports together, supported the same teams, he came to all my Lacrosse games, my recitals. He taught me how to cook as my mom worked.

They had such a beautiful understanding that encouraged me towards commitment and faithfulness.

I could talk to him about everything. I remember the first time we had the sex talk.

I was 12 and a few days before my 13th birthday and a girl at my school had promised me a kiss and a blowjob.

I didn’t know what one felt like. I remember coming into that same garage where my father worked on the radio chips to ask him. That was his “home office.” My mom hated when he started a new creation there because he would always make a mess. She was a top Avon distributor in the community and we knew all the families. I played with all their kids while our moms had skin product dates.

My father was a top microchip developer for police radios and emergency equipments. He had a lab just 15 minutes from our home but absolutely loved working in the house. Occasionally he would travel for days and sometimes weeks for seminars and expositions.

Whenever I had to talk to him, he would always give me his full attention, no matter the issue.

He had the same initial look of concern on his face as I told him.

He then smiled and explained it all to me. He told me I could say no but as a young man, he knew I wouldn’t, especially since all the other boys in my class had been getting theirs.

He just made sure that she was not a “group girl”; one that had been with many of my friends.

She wasn’t but the head sucked. My little wiener was bruised up. I probably should have told my dad that she had a retainer in her mouth.

Oh well.

My father looked at me and said,
“Son, what do you want to tell me?”
I looked up at him from where I was sitting and I lied.

“Nothing important dad.”
I replied.

He looked from the top of his glasses and said,

“Ooookay… Just know that I will be going to the plant and not back till Friday for your game. If it can wait, then okay. If not, then talk to your mother before I get back”
He knew I was lying but he never pushed. He always let it come naturally.

I left that night heavy in my heart but it was something so heavy I needed a bit more time to think.

It didn’t take me very long to gather all my thoughts. That weekend, my father and I set out on a drive to one of my games with my friends.

It was a playoff game and if we won, we would move on to the regional finals.

I was pumped and I remember playing a really good game but we eventually lost.

Gutted, I tried really hard to keep a straight face.

I walked to the car and my dad said nothing.

I hopped into the back seat and slumped into my seat.

My dad waited a few minutes before saying,
“Sarge Sage”
That was the nickname he gave me growing up.
“Losing only means one thing, you have a reason to come harder next year.

To work on your game and play better next time. From the way you have played all season, your team didn’t lose because of you and you played your hardest. You can be proud of that.”
He stopped talking and didn’t look into the rear view mirror. It felt like he knew that making eye contact would probably open the floodgates.

I fought back the tears and I remember clutching the seat.

A few minutes had passed. My father started up the car and slowly turned around and faced me. He said,
“Sage, it’s okay to cry. We can talk it out and you’ll feel better.. It’s never impossible to…”
He was mid sentence when I blurted out,
“Mummy is cheating!”

He froze. The look of concern on his face turned to sadness.

He was stunned. I was shocked.

I don’t know how it came out. I was relieved it did for a split second but the sadness and eventual pain my father would feel made me regret telling him.

He turned back around in his seat and started out the car. He slowly reached for the key in the ignition and turned it off.

His mouth was dry as he began to tear up and without turning around, he asked,
“Who is he?”
You see, that was the problem for me.

There was no he.


“How did you find out?

Did she tell you she’s thinking of leaving?”
My dad asked those questions seeking answers to calm himself down. This was a sucker punch.
“I saw them”

I replied.
He asked for second confirmation.

I looked into the rear view mirror and made eye contact with him and then I said,

“Ms. Wagner”
It didn’t hurt any less that my mother was cheating with a woman. I think the sanctity of what they had being broken just flat out hurt.

He swallowed hard but slow and asked,

“Are you sure, son?”

I nodded as if I wished it was truly not so.

He followed up by asking

“How did you find out?”
“I came home from school early a few times and saw them. The first time was on a minimum day at a school and the other time, I came through the garage and saw them on top of each other. In the kitchen… On the counter. I remember because it was Comic Con weekend and you were in Seattle for the week”

My dad never turned back or made eye contact the rest of the way.

That drive felt shorter than most even though I had fallen asleep a few minutes after he started driving.

When we returned home, it was business as usual. My dad was pleasant to my mother as he always was in front of me. They never fought in my presence.

I was expecting a big blow up like in the movies later that night.

It never came.

Nor the day after or the one after that, I began to think that my father had accepted his fate. My mother was in love with someone else but he wasn’t going to rock the boat.

I was wrong.

Boy was I wrong?



So much blood.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. The foyer was covered in blood.

Ms. Wagner’s blood. It was all over.


I had returned from school that day to a sight that would be forever etched into my memory like Mt. Rushmore.

Two bodies.

Two lifeless bodies.

Hopes and dreams dashed. Families affected.
In movies, you normally see the person that discovers the bodies, all hysterical, scared and loud.

I had the opposite feeling.

I froze.

My mind began to race. I was thinking how, and why?

And then my mind went to my dad. I knew he would be the prime suspect.

They would come for him.

A crime of passion?

Was this why he didn’t confront her?

It didn’t make sense to me but I knew for sure that my father was not a killer.


I walked over to my mother’s body laying on the ground. There were no open wounds in her body.

I checked her pulse.


I walked over to the phone and speed dialed my father. He answered and I said,


“Dad, mom is gone”


I couldn’t tell if the reaction I got from him was fear or confusion but he was back home in Arizona about 3hours later.

Historically, Arizona has not been the most welcoming to the African American population so this storm was something of a media storm.

Think OJ Simpson.

The headlines would read,
“Broken Chip: Shocking Death of Tech Exec’s Wife and Friend”

“Double Homicide or Crime of Passion”

And so on.

The media tried to spin this in so many ways.

My father was a suspect because he had only left on his trip that morning after dropping me off at school. There was window before his flight.

There were so many different permutations and theories. I was sure my father was innocent.


The case was nothing but straightforward though. In my parent’s room, my dads bags had been packed.

On the kitchen counter, the divorce papers my father had filed were found.

Leading people to speculate that he was planning to run away anyways hence the packed clothes or that he served her the divorce papers and they fought.

That was what was crazy about this case, there were no wounds on her but Wagner had been stabbed.


Why kill Ms Wagner?

Oh and the knife used to stab Ms Wagner you ask?

It was in the kitchen sink. Washed clean.

No prints.

Not a single one.

In many ways, this could easily have pointed squarely at my father but the man was miles away when it happened.

But coroners can’t give you a specific time of death, just a time frame. They certified my mother died of poisoning but how remained unknown.

The double murder shook our lives to the core.

The detectives worked tirelessly.

They tried to come after my father but got nothing.

No charges were ever brought against him.

But one thing always seemed to confuse me, why Ms Wagner was at my house was never explained. My father never told the story of how she was cheating and I never did either.

I guess I learned a lesson on secrets very early on. The thing about secrets is, they never stay hidden forever.



Detective Ballazar asked me,
“So what was your relationship with Ms. Lamar”
I leaned back in my chair and said,
“We were friends. Good friends.

We have all been friends for years”
“Good friends?

Are you sure about that Mr Moka because that’s not what we’ve heard.”


I became concerned and I sat up.

I tried to look as confident as I asked the detectives,
“so what did you hear?
Detective Matthews leaned back in his seat and said,

“Well, we heard and I quote that you and Nora had a tumultuous relationship. A few years ago, you had a big fight and you have reportedly.. And I quote… Always liked and wanted her.

Is this true?”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Nora and I?

Where would they have heard that if not from one of the people in our group.
I tried to keep a straight face to hide my growing fear as I said,

” I don’t know who told you that but Nora and I were great friends. And I cared for her and respected her”
Detective Ballazar said,
“Cared enough to kill her because she didn’t want to be with you?”
“Why would I kill her?!

We we’re friends. You can ask anyone, I was even supportive of her engagement…”

Ballazar cut in and said,

“You mean the engagement she called off?”

I paused

I didn’t know that.

When did she cancel the engagement? Why did she cancel the engagement?
I asked,

“I didn’t know that the engagement was off. When did this happen?”

Detective Ballazar smiled and said,
“That’s irrelevant but here’s what I think happened. I think you have always wanted her and she’s turned you down.

She became single again and you thought you could make another move. You did and she still shut you down. Soooo… you poisoned her and killed her”
All I heard was poison and I knew this was serious.

I immediately said,

“I need my lawyer”
Ballazar smiled and said,

“Smart decision”

As they exited the room I placed both hands on my head and planted it in into the cold table as you all say it with me #WhatTheHeckMan



Give me feedback. How did this make you feel? 


Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for Fade 3 starting next week.

© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan



Art · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Oakland · Poetry · Uncategorized



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Wish Me Well by Timi Dakolo

“Why would you even say anything to me?

Because we hung out a few times?”

She barked out at me.

My attempt to express myself had failed and there I stood like an idiot with no words to defend myself.

“You’re nice to niggaz and suddenly, they think they have a shot with you”

I just was.

Like a newly unveiled statue, I was stuck in place.

She had obviously had a bit to drink and we all had but I had never expected that outcome.

Nora was the first friend I had made when I moved to California.

She was smart, funny, beautiful and the captain of our college’s volleyball team.

She had the body to match her brains and she was loved by everyone.

When I had showed up on campus late that spring, it was already too late to sign up for classes.

Nevertheless, as part of the student body, she gave me a detailed tour and even showed me the library codes and such before my summer start date.

From the moment I saw her as I walked into that office, I knew she was out of my league. Trying to get her to be mine would be futile but I always admired her from a distance.

I started school as a transfer student that summer and when Nora invited me to a bbq she was hosting, I was surprised.

After I met her that initial day, I had gone about my business and focused heavily on school.

I didn’t even think she remembered me but I got the text and I showed up.


It was at that event that I met the gang 6 at the time excluding me. The crew would eventually grow to eight great friends who navigated life and our careers together.

But this memorable incident of Nora yelling at me was later during my first summer in school. She was angry because I had made a move on her.

Presumably thinking that I made a pass at her because she was tipsy but the truth was, we had hung out a lot that summer, so I thought that there was something between us.

As if we all have never fallen for that before.

Nora went off on me that evening but it was okay. No one overreacted probably because they knew we were friends.

And I never brought it up again. I also never directly spoke to Nora that night again.

As much as I liked her and had the biggest crush on her, my ego had been destroyed and I was not going back.

Everyone had their spats in the group but we just ignored it and pushed ahead with life.

It was always viewed as “one of those things”.

We would eventually outgrow those phases in our lives and forget them. Or so I thought.


Everyone found their seats in the van as we took off.

Our guided tour of the Yosemite hills was about to start. Everyone was still a bit sleepy as we set out.

The annual “Gang Linkup” was kicking off again. It had been 4 years since the last one of us graduated and 6 years since that incident with Nora.

As we all dispersed all over the country in our various walks of life, we made it a point to always keep in touch and the biggest way was through our group trips we took once a year in the beginning of the summer.

We had arrived late the night before but every minute was to be maximized.

The hour long ride to our starting point was filled with jokes and stories as we all fully embraced the day with the sun rising on the horizon.

It might have been a challenging hike but the trip was a great way for us to relieve stress as our busy lives were put on pause for 3 days every year in the heat of May.

It was always during the Memorial Day weekend and I had missed it the year before.

I had just completed my Geology certification up in the Bakersfield where I had been posted for the last 2 years. I was nervous about what the future held but my nerves kicked in when I saw Nora again. I still had a thing for her but I never shared it with a single soul.

Besides she was in a long term relationship the last we saw, so I always admired from a distance in silence and in fear that she would actually notice me.

You may have gathered my confidence had not always been at the highest but I skated along. I had lost a lot of weight in the last year and was starting to find my feet.

There was a rumor she had recently gotten engaged but when we arrived she was alone and with no ring.

I had asked a friend who suspected they had broken up but wasn’t sure.

As we marched behind the guide on the hike, I kept my space between us. There were about 3 people between us as she marched in front of me. The hike was grueling but a lot of fun.

As the culture of the group, jokes flew all over the place and the hot sun couldn’t keep us down.

We were in the decline as we headed back to the car after the 3 hour hike and I was coming down a steep angle when I slipped and rolled forward with speed, past everyone in line and I landed at the base of the hill.

Many things hurt but I was sure that it was my ego that was bruised the most.

I lay there as the guide asked me not to move. I closed my eyes as my sun glasses had fallen off somewhere during the fall. The sun was slapping my face and I stayed on my back.


My brain was now registering the pain and just then I felt a touch on my shoulder, it was Nora.

“Are you okay?”

She said. I tried to force a smile.

She must have skipped past almost everyone in front of her to have gotten to me first.

My heart skipped a beat as she continued to rub my shoulder.

And then it started to pound in anger; anger towards myself that I allowed my long term crush to see me at this moment of weakness. I tried to stay strong as they lifted me off the ground and then I realized that not only my ego was hurt but my ankle might have been broken too. It hurt like a horrible credit score.

I had to be helped into my room by the hotel concierge as I tried to recover. The air conditioning was blasting and the TV had the local new house running through highlights on of the Minor League Baseball Championships. I just wanted the pain to go away. My left ankle had been badly hurt but thankfully we had figured it wasn’t broken.

I heard a knock on the door and I said,

“Come in”

I thought it was the room service with the ice I had asked for but the door opened up and for the second time that day, there she was, Nora.

“How are you feeling?”

She asked with that beautiful smile I loved so much across her face.

I was about to answer when she hoisted a big bag of ice up in her hand.

“I’m staying next door and I heard you call for ice so I decided to get it for you.”

I was trying to sit up as she said,

“Relax. I got it”

Notice I hadn’t said anything. Well it was because my heart was hiding under the bed and my mouth… well my mouth was on its own vacation somewhere in Neverland.

She reached on the table and grabbed the ice bucket and headed into the bathroom, she emptied the ice in a bucket and kept some on the bag.

She came back and wrapped the ice bag around my ankle with tape. She looked at me and said,

“So how’s Cali been to you?

You’re done with your program right?”

I looked at her and said,


“How about you? How’s Nursing?”

I’m asked,

She said,

“It’s cool. I love the work except the long hours and early days but overall it’s been great. I’m looking to leave the Virginia though. I miss the sun”

“How does it feel now?”

She asked from the foot of the bed as I was not sitting up in the bed.

She turned and our eyes met.

That was the moment. She smiled and slowly walked on her fours towards me.

Yes, my heart returned home to my chest and was now beating like a crack head energizer bunny.

I was not sure what was happening but my member was well aware of the situation between my legs and rising like the economic power of China.

She got to me and she climbed on top of me and looked into my eyes before pausing and then I leaned in and kissed her.

Her lips were even better than I had always imagined.

So soft.

Baby soft.

They tasted like fresh grapes bursting with flavor in my lips.

I wanted more. I laced my arms around her as I pulled her in and then she turned and her right leg hit my swollen and wrapped ankle.

I squealed and she got up quickly apologizing.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!

Does it hurt?”

I nodded as I stifled the pain.

She patted it down a bit before she looked up.

A wry smile spread across her face.

She reached up and ran her hands under my shorts. I twitched and she said,

“I think I have something that will make it better”

She pulled my shorts down.


My rock hard member in all his elegance was reporting for duty.


I think the size surprised her a bit.

She smiled and reached her hand into the ice bucket.

A handful in her left hand, she began to kiss down my shaft.

I was in dreamland.

Clutching the sheets, I think it was even sexier that she maintained eye contact as she continued down to my balls.

Then she did something that shocked me. She placed a few small cubes in her mouth and took my throbbing member in her mouth.

She placed her hand filled with ice right under my ball sack, clutching it.

The cold soared through my spine and I had never felt that before.

The contrast was crazy. Her mouth was cold from the ice but her lips working up and down my shaft was heating it up. My balls shriveled up and into hiding near my body but she worked her hand around the sack and her tongue up and down my dick.

I wasn’t sure how I was meant to moan but it felt so good.

She dumped the ice in her left hand in the bucket and pulled one cube.

She ran it from my inner thigh up to my shift again. She placed it in her mouth and went to town on the head of my very happy member. I couldn’t hide how good it felt making all sorts of ugly faces as she worked on me.

She placed both hands on the base of my shaft and worked together with her lips up and down.

I must have dreamt about what was happening like two million times in my life and it was finally happening to me!

I could feel myself getting ready to enter that level and cum but I wasn’t sure how this was meant to work.

Was I supposed to let it out in her mouth?

Or not?

What if she didn’t like that?

I was thinking and trying to concentrate on what was happening when she lifted her head up. On her knees, she stood straight and took of her blouse as she asked me,

“Did you have any condoms?”

My eyes grew big.

Really big.

Oh! Not because of what she asked but because of her perfect set of boobs that dropped out of her bra as she unclamped it. I was in the presence of beauty and I felt myself cum at that moment.

She ripped open the condom wrapper and slid it down my shaft.

I clutched the sheets as she slowly lowered herself onto me.

The pace was controlled as she stayed on top the entire time, since I couldn’t move my legs.

I stared up at her and she smiled down at me and it was then I knew. I had felt so strongly about her for years; I was in love with her.

She leaned in and kissed me.

We were both panting for air as she cuddled into my arms. I couldn’t believe what had just happened.


With me. After all these years?!

I was mind blown and confused at the same time.

I turned and kissed her forehead. She smiled and without looking up, she said,

“That was so sweet. I could so get used to this”

I pulled her in closer and squeezed tighter. Sleep invited itself in and shortly took over.


Morning came and I felt very different.

Like incoherent.

I could remember being with Nora but when I woke up, she wasn’t in my bed.

I figured she had gotten up early to return to her room.

We had to be in the lobby for breakfast and to go jet skiing that morning.

My ankle felt a bit better as I limped my way into the shower, got dressed and headed down.

On my way out, I noticed my bottle of Hennessy had been opened but I didn’t pay any mind to it.

I arrived at the lobby and we all started to dig into the food laid out in front of us.

The morning grub was necessary for a long day as we had a city tour and a water tour later in the day.

My usual was already in my hand; a chocolate croissant with a cup of tea.


Everyone filled into the lobby as we all began to eat and chat about the day before and the day ahead.

Questions about my ankle and its durability for the activities of the day were raised but I wasn’t going to be the one to miss out, so I lied that it was fine.

It really was fine.

It was still sore but generally okay.

About 25 minutes had gone by and I was there with the crew.

Dillion – a chemical engineer

Sai- a social worker for a psychiatric hospital

Beth- a marketing exec at a startup

Phillip- an info systems tech guy

Rachel- an alternative Ed entrepreneur with her own school for autistic kids

Bart- a medical student and future doctor

Sage- Me; a Petroleum geologist

And as you noticed we were missing one last person; Nora.

“Where is Nora?”

Rachel asked as she scanned the room. Everyone turned around and realized she wasn’t there.

I had noticed earlier that she was not down from her room yet.

In my mind, I was gloating that even though we had sex with me at 55%, she still wasn’t able to wake up on time.

Sage with the “good good”, I thought to myself.

Rachel soon left the room as she said,

“I’ll go and get her. She probably drank too much last night and over slept”

Up the elevators she went as we all continued to talk.

A few minutes later, the lobby staff started running from behind the desk.

Both employees ran to the front of the elevator. They pressed the button and about a minute later it opened.

Pensively, they ran in and pushed another button as the door closed.

I looked up at the number above the elevator and it kept going,


And then it stopped.

That was my floor and Nora’s floor. It was then I sat up straight.

A scary feeling started up in my stomach.

No way, I thought to myself and then I heard the ambulance sirens blasting from down the street.

Everyone else oblivious to what had just happened stopped and looked at each other in confusion.

The gurney was brought out and in few minutes the EMT’s disappeared into the elevator.

Fear had now set over the room. Rachel had been gone too long and the ambulance showing up was not a good sign.

Rumblings started as we begin to mildly panic.

The elevator opened up and the EMT’s rolled out the gurney with Nora on it.

Rachel was closely behind them.

They lifted her into the back of the ambulance and took off.

We all rushed towards Rachel and almost collectively asked,

“What happened?!

What’s wrong with Nora”

Rachel’s head was dropped as she tried to speak.

Tears now streamed down her face as she said,

“Nora’s dead”

Remember that uncomfortable feeling I mentioned in my gut? Well it disappeared and was replaced with a numb chilling feeling.

I sat back down and thought what all this meant.

All I could say was “WhatTheHeckMan”




Give me feedback. How did this make you feel? 


Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for Fade 2 starting next week.

© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan

Art · Drama · Erotica · Fiction · Life · Oakland · Poetry · Uncategorized

Savages 4

Savages 4

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Moving On by Asa

Even though we were outside, you could grill a full burger in the heat that was between all of us.
There was surprise on Ava’s ex’s face, Drew. He just stood there wondering what was going on.

You could see the flames beaming out of Ava’s eyes and Kiki was just looking for a place to hide but she had been caught out.
The Earth couldn’t open up quickly enough to consume her. Death at that time might have been a sweet relief for her.

Ava took a few steps towards Kiki and muttered,


You could see that Ava was only the wrong answer away from tears. She just couldn’t believe all that she had just heard.
Kiki stood still. The remorse and sadness was written along her face.
She wanted to say something but the words were trapped in there and it seemed like her mouth dried up faster than the trust Ava had for her disappeared.

“Kiki why?!
Tell me why!”

Ava yelled at her.
Ava raising her voice seemed to jolt Kiki into reality.
Kiki looked truly sad and apologetic. She took a step back and her head dropped.

What happened next surprised all of us, Kiki raised her head and said,

“”It’s not because you did anything to me.”

Ava swallowed hard as she still looked on the brink of a total meltdown. She replied.

“Then why Kiki. Why have you tried to hurt me like this?”

“You stopped being available!”

Kiki snapped back.
Her head high and sounding confident. She continued,

“You stopped being available. Trust me, it’s not that I wanted your man, I just wanted my friend back and I figured that if I remove all the men in your life, you would come to me for help.
You would come back to being my friend.”

A confused Ava replied,

“Kiki, when did I ever not make myself available to you as a friend? You were like a sister to me!”

Kiki straightened up and said,

“There was a time right when you first met Mono, I was going through it hard.
I had no one to talk to. I had called you on the phone the night before crying. You asked me to come over the next day after work which I did.
When I got to your place however, you were on the phone the whole time talking to Mono. I remember sitting on your couch thinking this call would only last a few minutes but you talked for hours till I fell asleep on the couch.
By the time I woke up, you had to leave for work.
That period was so hard for me and you barely had my time because of some guy that would easily have taken the pussy if I threw it at him the right way.

So that day after your party that you and Drew got into it, I saw Mono leaving and I thought, since he was being available for her, let me have him for myself.

I wasn’t trying to hurt you since I thought you didn’t want him like that. I am sorry if you were hurt but it was not my intention and I stand by that.”

Ava was already in tears. She remembered that day and I did too.
That still didn’t seem like fair “punishment” on Kiki’s part and she came towards Ava to hug her.

Ava pushed her away and said,

“No Kiki, you are wicked for this. For all that you did.
I might not have been there for you but it was never out of malice or trying to hurt you.
You are selfish.
You tried to hurt so many parties because of yourself.
I only even called Drew and started talking to him again because of you. Because you said so.
So how do you justify that too. By telling me that I caused that too.
Did you need my attention then too when you were trying to have sex with Mono?

We can’t be friends Kiki. I am truly scared of you”

Ava turned around and said to me as she walked towards Drew’s car,

“I’m sorry about all of this”

She walked around the car and took one more glance at Kiki who was now crying and entered the passenger’s side of Drew’s car.
I was taken back by what was happening as Drew lowered himself into the car and began putting his seatbelt on.

I hurriedly walked around the car and tapped the passenger side glass, Ava lowered the window and I asked,

“Ava are you really going to leave with him after all of this?”

She looked at me as she wiped her tears away and said,

“Mono, I am sorry”

That was it.
That’s all she said and started the car and drove off.
Nothing more.
I stood there for a few minutes in shock before I gathered myself.


Came out of my mouth as I walked towards my car. There was tears in my eyes now as I felt like I had been sucker punched.
I was about to get into my car when Kiki asked,

“Mono, can I please get a ride to my car, it’s parked on the other side”

I scanned her from top to bottom and let out a sarcastic laugh before saying,

“You have no fucking shame”

I started my car and drove off


The days dragged on.
Cloudy afternoons, cold nights and an empty heart; I just tried to fight the depression.
It felt like karma had come to hit me so hard.
There were times when I truly wanted to cry but I couldn’t even bring the tears out of my eyes.
Yet, my heart wailed.

I knew the feeling very well. That empty feeling.
It was fascinating to find that the feeling that meeting Ava had helped, had now returned because of her.
A different kind of emptiness. A sense of feeling wronged and cheated.
I just wanted to yell at her but show her that I loved her in the same breath.

It was about 9pm that evening and I was sitting on my balcony overlooking the beach when I heard a car pull into the driveway right below me, I looked down and it was a familiar face.
She looked up and said,

“Will you come down here and help me get some of these items into the house?”

It was my mother.

I made my way down and I exited the elevator.
When I reached her, I gave her a hug and a peck on the cheek like I always have since I was a boy.
She teased me and said,

“Aww, you kiss like your father when he is sad.
Come here son.”

She gave me a really big hug and I really liked it. But my macho self would have never asked for another one.
My mother had gone grocery shopping for me. As I made my way towards the elevator, struggling with all the bags because I didn’t want to have to come on a second trip to the car, she laughed and said,

“I know you’re probably not eating well since you’re busy crying over a girl that was never even your girlfriend”

I looked back at her and she shrugged.
That was my mother for you.

As I placed the bags on the counter, I said,

“Mom, you just won’t understand. Like I really thought she was the one”

She smiled as she put a bottle of our favorite wine in the freezer and said,

“She was just someone. And not the one.
Be glad you found that out now. Not two years down the road when you would have built your whole world around her.
It would have come tumbling down and you would have been crushed beyond repair.
It may not seem like it now but this was a win for you. So pick yourself up and get back out there.
She’s going to come back and beg you anyway.
Trust me.
And it’s only a matter of time before you find the one that will complement you and provide real security for your heart.

Till then, I have more than enough love for you. So come and help me chop these onions. Are you down for some curry and rice?”

She knew I was down, that was such a trick question. I nodded and she reached up to give me a hug with her short self.
She was right. This was a win for me and I just hadn’t seen it yet.
We talked for hours as we ate about everything and then I went into my room and made my bed, so she could sleep in it while I slept on the couch.
I returned to the living room and she had passed out. I covered her with a blanket and headed back into my room.
I sat down on my bed and wore my socks as I prepared to crawl into bed.

My phone buzzed.

I picked it up and it was a text from Ava. It read,

“Mono, are you up?
Can we talk please?”


I didn’t reply her that night.
Even though I had wanted to so badly.
I resisted the urge and kept to myself.

It had been two weeks since that night; and now roughly seven weeks since that day outside Ava’s apartment.
Things had somewhat turned for me. I had begun talking to someone new and I was starting to forget the Ava fiasco.
That Friday fateful evening, I was on my drive from work when I received a call from a “blocked” number. I answered out of curiosity.
It was Ava.

“Long time Mono, how have you been?”

I rolled my eyes and said,

“Good. Yourself?”

Small talk always irritated me but I tried to hide my irritation.
I didn’t want to have the conversation, I didn’t want to hear her side anymore. I wasn’t going to be drawn back into that mess with her. And I knew I still loved and cared for her. So I had to keep her at arms length.
I quickly said,

“Ava, I’m driving right now. Can we talk later?”

She replied,

“Oh okay. When is a good time?”

“I’m not sure but I’ll let you know though. Aight bye.”

Call ended.
I switched lanes and made my way down the freeway.
I was going to do everything in my power to avoid going back to her. Besides, I had a date I had to get ready for.
And I was really excited.


Knock Knock
Knock knock knock
Long pause.

I could hear the knocks in my head as I drifted towards consciousness. I could feel a cold but gentle tapping on my shoulder. I turned around and she said,

“There is someone at the door”

I sluggishly got up and stretched. My “morning wood” brought a smile to her face. I reached for my shorts and put them on, a shirt next to hide my failed attempt at a summer bod.
She went back into hiding under the sheets and I assumed to sleep.

I put on my slippers and made my way towards the door. I stopped as I entered the living room as I noticed clothes and her shoes laying all over the living room.

Flashbacks from the night before sailed through my head as I smiled. I remembered her taking me in on the couch and my returning the favor on the kitchen counter.
It was in that moment I remembered the carpet burn on my left knee from driving into her while the candles burned out.
It was a great night.
I smiled again as another round of knocks rung.
I arrived at the door and leaned towards the peephole and simultaneously said,

“Who is it?”

My answer was given before she could respond.
It was Ava.

“What was she doing here?”

I asked myself before she responded and said,

“It’s Ava.
Can I come in?”

My heart skipped a beat.
I actually became nervous for a second. I hadn’t seen her in weeks.
Seeing her was making my heart race now and I couldn’t contain it.
I didn’t know what to say next.
And then I remembered why we hadn’t seen each other in a week and the things I had heard about her and her situation,

“What do you want Ava?”

I asked.

She paused as I looked at her through the peephole and said,

“To be very honest Mono, I want you.
I just hope you would want me back”

I scoffed.
Want her?
Why would I want her?
Or would I want her?
I began to question myself as she continued,

“Mono, I realized that I made a mistake going back to Drew.
I should have stayed and waited for you.
Listened to you and worked things out. I was so blinded by the love I felt for him that I went back because Kiki made me believe that you were not worth it and I foolishly believed her.

Until I found out on Drew’s phone that they had been exchanging naked pictures and having sex”

I laughed and said,

“Oh that wasn’t clear to see that day. I could see from how he didn’t say a word that he wasn’t clean.
So Kiki got to him?
Now isn’t that a story to be told.”

I noticed her shuffle in the hallway as she said,

“Mono, I’m really sorry. Please open the door so we can talk.
I really want to work through this”

I replied

“Ava, a month ago, I might have cared but now, it’s too late.
I don’t care anymore.
Channel that energy into someone that cares, I am done. It’s too late”

“Mono, please. You know it’s not too late.
I know you still care deep down. Please open the door”

She was right.
I still cared.
That’s how I am. I wanted to open the door.
I was going to open the door. I had to forgive her.
She had truly made me happy at some point, so I knew I had to forgive her.
I placed my hand on the cold door knob as she said,

“Just open the door and look at me”

I knew what opening that door meant. Memories began to sail through my head as I placed my head on the door and thought to myself hard.
Was I making a mistake?

I began to fiddle with the keychain as I turned the door knob and through my open bedroom door, I heard her move.
I turned around and she was staring at me; hopeful.

“Mono, Kimon, please give me one more chance.
I promise I won’t treat you the way I did again.”

Ava said.
The girl in bed sat up and I twisted the knob to make sure it was shut properly.
I pushed away from the peephole. A smile appeared on her face, she had a clear view of the door the entire time from the bedroom.
A huge smile covered my face.

I walked back into the room, laid down and pulled her in for a kiss.
She said, do you want to talk about it?
I said,

It’s not important. Right now, you’re all that matters”

She leaned in and planted a kiss on my lips and she got up to make breakfast.
She stretched out her hand and said,

“I need a shirt, please”

Her breasts greeted me with the morning respect as my hardened member twitched in approval between my legs.
I pointed to the closest. She reached in and bent down, her lower lips showing for a brief moment.
I almost jumped out of the bed to devour her but I held still.
She smiled and headed out of the room closing the door behind her.
I sat there smiling as I had locked Ava out. It felt symbolic to my feelings towards her.
My phone began to ring and I picked up saying,

“Nate, what’s good bro?”

“I’m good fam. What are you up to?”

He asked. I smiled and said,

“Waiting for breakfast.”

He picked up on it and he said,

“Oh shit!
Who is this new one?”
“Her name is Ashley…. She is..”

I was replying when he cut in and said,

Doesn’t Ava have a cousin named Ashley that she mentioned before”

I paused and said,

“Ava just came to my place”


He replied and then continued to say,

“Did she see her cousin?”

I replied,
“Nah… They distant family friends. Haven’t seen each other in 5 years.
Besides, I didn’t even open the door for Ava. I almost did but I had to look to the future”

He said,

“True… true…. So how did you meet her?”
I sat up and said,
“She actually found me by fate at the community college when I went to sign up for piano classes.
We hit it off.
She told me she knows Ava and I was honest about our dealings and she still wanted me, so here we are.
I’m just going on the ride”
I could hear Nate laughing his head off as he said,

“Mono, you know you’re the greatest savage of all right?
Like wow.
So when are you going to tell Ava you’re dating her family or shall I say friend?”

I laughed and said,

“Family friend brother, family friend. And she invited me to their family reunion thing this weekend. Barbecue chicken and broken roasted hearts will be served.
Oh what fun we shall have”

Nate shook his head I could tell. He sounded like you sound now, as you say #WhatTheHeckMan

The call ended shortly after and I placed the phone down just as Ashley walked into the room with a tray of food she placed on my bedside and said,

“Was that Nate?”

I nodded.

She pulled the covers off and climbed into the bed.

She looked up at me as she pulled my shorts down. My member was at his hardest.
Slowly, she kissed up my thighs as she worked her way towards my hard member. She opened her mouth and her lips took me in.
I kicked my head back and a huge smile covered my face.
In most situations, you can avoid winners or losers but here, I was clearly winning.

And it felt good.
Revenge, I heard is best served slow, sloppy and warm. And Ava would eventually agree but till then….
It’s #WhatTheHeckMan


Savages need to feed. Don’t be their prey on the name of love.
There are Kiki’s, Ava’s, Drew’s, Nate’s and even Mono’s out there in the world today. Who are you?
haver you ever experienced one of those people or been one of those people?

I wrote “Savages” because of an experience watching and “emotional vulture” come into someone’s life and ruin it silently.
Kinda like Kiki but with the stealth of Drew.
You see, it is not everyone that smiles with you that brushed their teeth. And it’s not every person that you call friend that will bail you out if you ever got arrested.
The true character of those closest to you is something that you should always evaluate.
Even people with initially good intentions can become Savages.

There are good people in the world. But you already know what I feel about the concept of “good” people.
I’ll you conclude on Mono’s character but after his interaction with Ava and Kiki, he could claim justification to be a kind of way and begin collecting hearts.
But again, there is good in this world and it is our duty to grow, cherish and pass it on to others.

Oh the prey.
“Stay woke” they say. Because you are paranoid doesn’t mean someone isn’t following you.
Guard your happiness with all you have.
For whatever reason, there are people out there who can’t stand to you see you happy. To see you up.
Prayerful and concern yourself with reading between the lines. When it comes to your heart, it is better to be safe than sorry.

Remember, not everything is meant to be shared with others.
And I implore you to concern yourself with the power you give people to affect your happiness by the things you allow them to hold in your life.

There are Savages everywhere and there might be one in you too, who knows?
My last piece of advice is that if you decide to prey on someone, make sure you “kill” them all the way. Because if they recover, you have just created a deadlier Savage and set them loose in the world and I’m sure we don’t need anymore than we have.

Above all Ladies and Gentlemen, keep your head up and do good.
It’s yours truly; The Wordsmith for #WhatTheHeckMan.
Till next week,

Stay Up!

Give me feedback. How did this make you feel? Talk to me about Savages 4 or the entire series.


Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for New Series starting next week.

© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan


Convenient Christians

Convenient Christians

Embedded image permalink

 Aye Ole by Infinity

Digging in my car for change

In between the cup holder

Sticky and wet

This doesn’t feel strange

You would think I would know this by now

By my chronological age

But I guess spirituality isn’t determined by age

Or even what stage

You are with God

I think it’s determined by how connected to him you

Keyed into the source and no out of range


This is the routine

Exactly how it has always been

This is the time when I remember him

Right around finals or when life gets me on my knees

Pressured by my expectations

They lean over my back and force me to plead

So at his feet for his mercy

I begin to wail and decree

That I’m a child of God

And the angels should let me in

But the truth remains that he might not know me


They call me the Sunday Christian

Or the convenient Christian

I show up for sure two Sundays a year

The one in the beginning

And then the watch night service at the end

I might come for thanksgiving the week after I take a trip for my birthday

I promise to make time very week

So don’t judge me for God’s sake

I’m real at heart

Because I don’t go to church every week

It doesn’t make me fake


I call his name more than you know

When I slam my brakes in traffic

Or trample through freezing snow

I say it’s him when my friends tell me they see a glow

I call on him when I plan my next my next move to make it big

My great step to blow

I make excuses about tithing

All these pastors just want money

Besides I have bills to pay

All these creditors wont stop calling

So give me a pass when the basket comes around for offering

And I look away like I’m shielding myself from the sun

It’s rays burning

Into my soul

My deep and hollow soul

The place where I question the truth

Where I question whether or not

My offerings will even bear fruit


When the beat drops

I drop it down low

But now I’m in here

Hands lifted up

Don’t let the pastor know

Less than 24hrs ago I was fist pumping and drunk

Under the midnight glow

But now I here I am nodding and claiming the spirit

Like he’s someone I truly know

He continues to search for my attention

But I blow him off when it gets serious

Sitting in my room

I battle depression

The world continues it struggle with me

I stay trying to fight emotional oppression

I put on a front

Behind my make up strands and my socially conscious tweets

I feel the heat

As life burns me at each turn

But I can’t pull back

I can’t resist

But here is my confession

I need him now

I need relief

But am I only reaching for him because it’s convenient for me


I don’t spread the word

Because I don’t know the word

I lift my hands in praise

But to whom

Do I really know the Lord?

I know he protects my family and me

Home and abroad

But if I got jailed in this cell called life

Would he be my only call?

When faced with pain and adversity

I run to people with no audacity

To command the universe to bow to my situation

My relationship with him is one-sided

He’s like the person that loves you way more than you can return

But my attention is divided

Between enjoying the world and listening to all he has commanded

My hope is to make time for him

When it’s convenient

But the truth is,

I need him more than he needs me

And he’s there for me

Our relationship would be better and stronger

If only I was obedient.

I am not a preacher. Nor do I believe that I am in a place to judge anyone regarding his or her relationship with God but this came to me.

There is so much of me in this piece; the constant struggle to balance it all.

Being young and “free” in today’s world we want to identify and being a Christian or religious has lost its glow.

Unbelievers laugh at us because we have fallen from grace.

A girl has in her bio “Child of God” or “God over Everything” but less than an inch upwards is a picture of her bearing her “gifts” to the whole world.

I can’t even remember the last time I heard a guy say that he believed in God. (different issue entirely).

We cry to God when we need him but do we realize that we need to make ourselves useful to him to need us.

A few years ago, I truly recognized the difference in my life without God. When I stopped worshipping and being useful in his vineyard, the fall didn’t come immediately.
It was gradual.
Sadness. Depression came in. Denial, faithlessness and then complete disconnect.
And for a while, I lied to myself that I knew who he was and he knew me but the truth was that he had actually left me to try it my way.

The end of last year was different.

A different kind of pain

It was reminiscent of the story of the prodigal son. I was so broken, I CRAWLED back to God. And the prayers were for mercy.

How many of us started in the church?

Raised in the way of the Lord?

Started learning their art/craft from church but now are so distant from it?

We change. But God has never changed.


We drift away and return but he remains the same.

Sometimes, I feel like we treat him like the Uber driver.

We call him only right before we need him. And sometimes even in his presence, we say nothing.

We ask him to pick us up from the deepest and scariest places in our lives and like the Uber, he always shows up.

But when do we show up for him. When are found standing to be counted.

Again, I reiterate that the walk for and with God is personal but the manifestation of his blessings in ones life is public.

I challenge myself each day to be a better Christian and a better man.

Some mornings I forget to read my bible

Some days my daily devotional is not daily

I sometimes speak in vain

I shy away from spreading his word

Some ignore his word from above

But I pride myself on one thing, my Christian walk is not allowed to have stops.

I am not allowed to get comfortable because I have not done enough for him, not am I ready enough for the places he can take me.

More work needs to be done

So I challenge you today to search your heart and find where you need him most and where you need to do more for God.

Today I challenge you to be the one that he calls.
Because he has all the power to make the Uber not come.

It’s the Wordsmith with #WordsOfWednesday on #WhatTheHeckMan

Don’t forget Savages 4 comes out on Saturday!