FreeFall 2

FreeFall 2

Embedded image permalink

6 Words by Wretch 32

It had been a few months since the last time I tried to reach Stephanie. 

The months leading up to my “change in status” are just as important. 

I found out that I was HIV positive in the summer around June but I hadn’t gotten a checkup for 8 months before that, so I potentially have been active for months without knowing.

I will admit to having a lot of partners after Stephanie dumped me. 

Off the top of my head, I would have to say about 7 in the first three months after the breakup.

Anything went.

Let me tell you about the months shortly after I hooked up with Stephanie after our break up till date. Three very interesting months. 

So we broke up 19 months ago, saw each other 5 months ago and had sex, my last check up was 8months ago, so three months before we hooked up and I found out I was positive a few weeks ago. I had been having sex for while before all of this so pinpointing when I contracted the deadly disease was still difficult. 

It was amazing to see the wave of women interested in fixing my broken heart even though I think I just wanted to heal on my own.

I met Linda while I was still with Stephanie and even though we were clearly attracted to each other, we always respected my situation.

And then there was Raquel and Sandra. The rest don’t really matter because I don’t want them to and our interactions were too limited.

But in Linda, Raquel and Sandra, I had a team of people that in different ways tried to help me piece it all together. 

Sadly though, none was enough alone, I still wanted Stephanie even though I knew I had to work hard and let her go.

I remember one evening, I was on FaceTime with Raquel and she was complaining about something that had gone on during her day. 

My phone buzzed I reach across my bed and unhooked it from the charging port.

It was Saito. 

He was trying to convince me to go out. I rolled my eyes and dropped my phone.

A few minutes later my phone buzzed again. I reached over and picked up my phone the message read

“Bruh, you coming out?”

I tried to ignore it but Raquel said

“Why are you ignoring him?”

I sighed and said

“He’s trying to have me go out with them and I don’t want to”

She smiled and said

“Ashton, you need to get out more. It’s been months of you trapping yourself inside the house for whatever reason.

You should go out”

I was about to reply when my phone started ringing it was Vic-short for Vicenza. 

I tapped the screen and placed the phone on speaker

“Bro, you coming out with us man.

I ain’t taking no for an answer.

It’s been too long.”

I laughed and try to joke it off

“Vic, I had a long week man.”

He replied and said

“We all did and well hate people.

I know you ain’t trying to go out because of Steph but you gotta move on man. She fucked up and got herself a new man, you gotta move.

There’s hella bitches out there and they waiting on you to set them free…

Hahahahaha…. Free… You know cos you run a bail bonds business?

Get it.”

I smiled. You had to love Vic. 

He was just always so happy, I couldn’t resist.

“Aight bro. Who’s picking me up cos I ain’t driving for shit”

“I’ll be there in 30 bro. 

Get up!”

I placed the phone down and looked at my laptop screen, Raquel smiled and said

“Go and get ready.

I’ll come over on Sunday.. in the evening. Have fun love”

I nodded as I stretched by the foot of the bed.

Getting ready was the easy part but oh, we weren’t ready for how the rest of the night panned out.



You gotta get off your phone and have fun”

Vic chided at me as I isolated myself in a crowd of people.

I was on my phone majority of the night while we were at the club.

Placing my phone in my coat, I stood up and surveyed the room. Vic had always been my wingman more so since Saito got engaged.

We set about dancing and having a pretty good time.

Two shots of Fireball and I was feeling alright.

Even though we didn’t live in a small town, majority of our crew went to college and the local university.

At one point or another, we all interacted with each other.

So part of my hesitancy around going out was that I would see people and people ask questions.

I was feeling very tipsy so I walked over and took a seat back at our section. 

I was about to pull my phone about when a drunk Saito stumbled next to me and said

“Yooo… I just saw Steph and Wyatt.

Mannnnnnnn! I still can’t believe she left you for a white dude”

It was meant to come off as a joke but it stung.

Saito was like that when he got drunk. No filter.

None whatsoever.

I laughed it off and suddenly got nervous.

She was here. At this point, the last time I had seen her was the night she had drunk texted me and we had sex.

She had already been with her new guy then so I was sure she didn’t want him to know about it.

I wanted to leave.

So I reached for Vic through the crowd and yelled in his ear over the noise

“I’m ready to dip bro. 

Amma take a cab”

He looked at me puzzled and drunkenly waved in my face as if to say

“No no no!”

I walked towards the exit and headed out. 

There was a hallway you had to make your way through before reaching the main exit.

I must have been halfway down the hallway when I heard someone yell out


I went by that to most people that knew me very well.

I froze, sighed and slowly turned around and it was a familiar face.


I walked back towards her as she drew closer to me and she said

“Hey, long time”

I forced a smile and said

“Only a couple of months but hey, how are you?”

She smiled and replied


I know you’ve been trying to reach me but I just needed some space, you know?

Work and trying to focus on me”

I forced another smile and said

“Yeah.. I get it. 

We should talk sometime soon tho.. It’s important…”

She was about to respond but Wyatt interrupted us

“Everything okay babe?

What’s up Ash?”

I smiled and nodded in his direction. I said my goodbyes and said to Stephanie

“Please do call me, it is extremely important.”

Wyatt put his hand around her and turned her to head back into the club. 

They were going to need each other. 

I hailed a cab outside and got in.

I sighed, sat back and then my phone buzzed it was Linda. She said

“I’m coming over. Don’t go to bed yet”


I sat down on my couch in my dimly lit living room as Linda walked towards me with two glasses in her hands. 

She handed one to me with her right hand and took a sip from hers.

I said

“Linda, it’s just hard. Like I saw her tonight and I was so angry.

And then fucking Wyatt trying to act like he was at no fault in all of this. Such a fucking bastard.


I’m so mad”

She pulled up her skirt revealing her dark lace panties as she straddled me.

She held her glass in her left hand and leaned in.

Her lips were soft.

Warm and soothing.

I remember inhaling her exhale and feeling free.

She rubbed her right hand across my head as she pulled away and she said

“I don’t think you should worry about her anymore. You deserve better, so why don’t you let me get your mind off all that”

She took my cup from my hand and turned while sitting on me and placed them down on the table.

She turned around smiled briefly and then leaned in and kissed my lips.

My eyes closed as I took her in.

Her wine flavored breath, burning my mustache hairs.

Her lips were soft as she kissed my left side of my face and worked her way to my neck.

I shirked a bit but she continued downwards.

Unbuttoning my shirt, she kissed down my chest. I pulled off her blouse and she was now left with her skirt, pulled up to her waist and her panties.

As she kissed downwards, she reached for my belt and began to unlatch it.

She finally opened it up and got down on her knees.

She smiled at me as she kissed around my hard member before taking it into her mouth.

She sucked with a dedication.

Her lips, her stroke, the spit, my quiet moans contributed to the whole experience.

She knew what she was doing. She always did.

I could tell it I allowed her to go on much longer, I was going to explode. I stopped her by trying to push her off, she moved her lips and said

“I want more”

I smiled as she stood and I said 

“Take them off”

She smiled and bent down as she worked her panties off her. She wanted to take her skirt off but I said

“Leave it on”

She smiled and while still sitting down, I reached my hands up and turned her around.

Her perfectly sculpted ass staring me right in the face.

I pulled her closer and pressed on her back urging her to bend forward.

She did with her knees touching the center table. 

I smacked her ass and she twitched and said

“What was that for?”

As she looked back towards me.

I didn’t reply. Instead, I shoved my wet tongue into her dripping pink.

My lips in agreement with her lips.

My tongue isolated her clit as I vibrated while sucking on it.

I couldn’t see her face but her moans sent an exciting message to my ears.

I sucked and lapped up all her juices with long strokes of my tongue from bottom to top and vice versa.

I could feel her knees shake and a chill down her spine.

Similar to the one you have right now. 

Well, now.

You’re still thinking about it.

Now back to the story.

I could feel mustache prickling her inner areas as I worked to ensure there was no drop left behind.

I stood up with my member upright like a Snicker bar on the frozen isle.

Linda looked back as if she wasn’t ready but with a smile.

I touched her and moved her to the side of the table asking her to get on her knees.

I positioned myself behind her.

She kept looking back at me to anticipate when i would slide into her.

I ignored her face as I slapped my dick on her clit a few times.

Those chills again.

Then I slowly slid into her.

She gasped and attempted to reach for something to grab on.

The closest thing was the foot of the table but it was in an awkward position to her body so she wasn’t able to reach it.

My strokes were fast.

If she didn’t know what I was going through, she would have thought that I was rushing but I just wanted to break her back.

I grabbed onto her skirt and pounded away.

“Fuck! Ashton!

You’re hitting something. Oh. My. Fucking. Gosh!”

She moaned into my dark living room. I could tell she was feeling “torture” because she had nothing to hold onto.

I didn’t let up tho.

My shaft driving through her walls as my balls received her wet while slapping on her dripping clit.

I pulled her skirt around her waist to control my thrusts.

She looked back at me and begged

“Ash, right there. 

Don’t you fucking stop… Don’t you fuc….”

I slammed into her again.

My pelvis meeting her tailbone with such welcomed force and aggression

“Give it to me Ashton… Fuck me!”

I squeezed my gluteus and tried to ignore her voice. 

Her moans so sexy as her eyes invited me to give her more.

Her walls were tight as they gripped my shaft.

Her wet covering every inch.

The warmth inviting me to go deeper.

“Fuck me Ash! Fuck meeeeee”

I leaned forward, while continuing to thrust, reached my right hand around her and caressed her clit while I continued to slide in and out.

Her legs were shaking uncontrollably.

She went silent for a bit as I continued and then she said

“Oh shit! Oh shit!

Ashton, I’m about to fucking cum on your dick…”

Words any man would love to hear. I felt the move in my pipes.

And I was ready to blow. She could feel it as she said

“Ash, you better not fucking stop”

I thrust harder as she went silent and suddenly she moaned let out a thin squeal.

I went a thrust or two more and i laid next to her. My knees stung from the carpet burn.

My shrinking member dangled on my body. She turned and looked at me.

I looked at her and we both smiled.

Panting for air, her words in the morning were the next thing I would hear.


That Sunday evening, I dropped off Linda who had stayed the whole weekend with me.

I returned to my apartment to a waiting Raquel.

I gave her a big hug as we headed into my apartment.

“How was Friday night?”

She asked.

I gulped as my mind flashed back to Linda and then I answered

“It wasn’t that bad”

I walked into the kitchen as I asked

“Want anything to drink?”

I bent down into the refrigerator as I waited for her answer.

She didn’t reply so I stood up and said


I turned and faced her, she sat there with a distraught look on her face.

I walked into the living room and say down next to her and said

“What’s wrong love”

She started to tear up and I placed my hands on her hands and said

“Raquel, what’s wrong love? Talk to me”

She looked at me and said

“I’m sorry”

I was confused and i said

“Sorry for what love. Just tell me”

She looked at me and said

“I’m pregnant.”

It sounded like a ringing in my ear. Her tears flowed more.

I gathered myself and asked


She nodded.

If you were me, what would you have said

What The Heck… See you for Part 3 on Saturday.

Man Up!: http://wp.me/p3GjtC-nd via @adewus4real


Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Part 3 is out on Saturday

© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan


Man Up!

Man Up!

Embedded image permalink


You are in hunting mode . Eyes blood shut like you are on a rampage 

She is cautious about giving it up , so you call her a prude . 

You hide behind romantic RT’s and Lol’s , 

Quickly moving around in this new age . 

Because of what you want , you are so quick to skip the lets get to know eachother stage . 

No you hit , 

It’s quick, you’re out

And she’s left in a rage

Punishable to the next man

The next man who tries to fix or rearrange

All she had built up and you broke

Oh what a shame


It’s not okay . 

To Promise something and do something completely different from what you say . 

Because a day will come and on that very day , you as a man will have to pay 

Either with your physical body , or your heart. Something is going to give way 

You lead them down this dark path

Towards regret , doubting their self worth 

And for you it’s just a task , another one that you check off 

So late at night , she is reaching for that tissue box

Trying to understand how she went wrong ,

Unable to reach out to her friends that told her clearly that you weren’t the one . 

Now she’s all alone 

Clutching at the promises that you made her , that she will never be alone 

So man up


The night before 

She warmed your bed 

Like many nights before

With her your deep secrets

You shared

Now in public you wave so quickly and then  out of sight like the Israelites fled 

You won’t claim her in public 

But when she wanders off to somebody else , you get jealous 

O, it’s so tragic 

That she still won’t leave you

Everyone remains confused as she stays

But you have a hold on her

It’s magic

Still her tears are as real as they come

The summers pass

The fall

Then the winter storms

But she’s not yours

And if she cries

You’ll only blame her once more

For loving you at all

Recently, I had a conversation with some friends around where the responsibilities lie when it comes to deciding what to take or not take in a relationship.

I say that in today’s world, it should be explicitly communicated, the things you Want, Need and have Available to give.
From the offset, your intentions should be stated and whatever happens after that is your responsibility.

There are men AND WOMEN, today that are emotional hoarders/saboteurs that float around from situation to situation, collecting hearts.
Stifling potential in people and regressing their growth.
If their heart is not for you to keep or protect then leave them alone. You want to fuck her, look into her eyes, promise her the world and then leave her?
You want to build him up, have him build his world around you, fend and fight for you; only to bring him to his knees?

Do not make promises you cannot keep. Hopes and dreams are great but deep down, “when you know, you know”.
And once you do, let them know.
And if need be, let them go.
There are valuable women and men across the world, you cannot hoard one because it serves or feeds your ego.
Situation-ships where she is powerless are not it at all..
You hide her and treat her like the other woman even when there is no main woman.
She cannot claim to be independent of you because you have a hold on her. He will do anything for you but he can never get close to you.
It’s sad and it hurts people bad.
Great responsibility requires tough actions.

My words to you today are simple.
Man Up!

If you act/request/coerce someone into giving you their heart, guard it.
Respect it.
Cherish it.
Honor it.
Value it.

Worse than not being chosen is being chosen only to be discarded.

It’s #WordsOfWednesday by The Wordsmith on #WhatTheHeckMan. Till Saturday when I post again, have a blessed rest of the day and week.
Love always.

The Wordsmith.




Embedded image permalink
Somebody Else Feat. Usher & Wiz Khalifa by Rico Love

The room was pitch black.

The only light coming was from the cable box under the television sitting at the foot of my bed.


I could feel the sweat dripping from the crown of my head.

Through my hair and down my face.

My back was covered in the evidence of my labor as I worked.

I looked up to her.

Eyes closed, her lips pursed, she cursed,


“Oh shit”

There was a genuine effort on her part to contain her moans.

My tongue sailed and didn’t relent, working tirelessly from left to right with purpose.


“Right there! Ohhhhhhh….. Ahhhhh”

She slapped the sheets with her right hand and grabbed another handful of it.

Twisting and winding her waist as I worked, she couldn’t contain herself.

I pressed her hips down hard and nibbled on her clit and she moaned,


“Ooooooooh yeah! The FUCK! 
Oh shit! Yesssss!”

I looked up to her and she looked down at me.

That look is priceless.

The look of acknowledgement. You know it.

Where you are thankful for the work being put in and he acknowledges the privilege to give you pleasure.

The chills went through my spine as she shook in my hold.

I had both my hands behind her knees and pinning them down towards her.

She had very little room to fight back or wiggle out of my grasp.

I continued to run my tongue, in long strokes, up and around her throbbing clit.

And then suddenly, I stopped.

I slowly let go of her legs and lifted myself up.

Drops of sweat falling as I towered over her.

She looked at my face and then my eyes to prepare for my next move.

I leaned forward towards her face.

She moved and placed both hands on my face as she began to kiss me passionately.

Her tongue playing sweeper as she tasted all her juices off my chin.

She ran her left hand down my cheek and through my soaked beard.

There was a way she sucked on my bottom lip.

So gentle but ever so purposeful.

It was as if she wanted my lips to know they belonged to her.

I broke free of the kiss as I wrestled my tongue from her.

I looked down at her and she smiled. I did not smile back.

Instead, I bent down till my head was next to her right ear and then I slowly whispered.

“Those juices were mine and I had to work for it.

Now I’m going to fuck you, the next time you are on your way to work, I will be all you think of”

She gasped.

And I began to straighten my body, I said,

“Hold your legs”

You could see the concern on her face. Like she had started something she wasn’t going to finish.

I stroked my hardened member with my right hand and then I used it to slap her clit a few times.

Then slowly, I slid into her wetness.


Her first words out.

Her eyes begged. They begged me to control the depth.

With each stroke, I threatened her walls.

A message I wanted to pass across. She was mine.

The effort in domination on that bed eventually would translate even in places where I was not with her.

I leaned forward as she struggled to hold her legs up.

Biting her shoulder, I stroked.

In and out, slowly and controlled, she moaned out loud.


I told her with concern.

Normally I was not one to care but she was loud enough to wake up my neighbors.

I wasn’t going to let up though.

She just needed to manage how much she could take.

I stared into her eyes with each stroke.

Her eyes flickered as if they were about to disappear into her head.

I leaned in and kissed her as my hard member continued to search her walls.

She moaned even after I stopped.

Her legs flat on the bed.

Gentle moans out of her mouth.

I grabbed her right leg and slowly turned her body. Arching her ass up, her left leg was straight and on the bed with her right leg crossed over it.

I leaned over her and slid back in.

The warmth again. Her lips parted as her walls squeezed my hard member.

The strokes were faster.

In and out, she moaned as her breasts bounced every time my waist connected with her butt.

The deeper I went, her left hand pushed around my belly to prevent me from going any further.

Then she said,


I looked at her as she turned and laid on her chest and slowly lifted up her body.

Her back perfectly arched, she rested on her elbows.

Her perfectly sculpted ass poked up towards me.

I squeezed them and spread her cheeks as I slowly slid back in.

She grabbed the sheets and moaned into the thread count.

I spread her legs wider with my knees and leaned forward.

The intensity increased as I thrust harder.

I smacked her ass a few times as it rippled back to me after each thrust.

She cursed at me and begged me to fuck her harder.

Who was I to deprive her?

I placed both hands firmly around her waist and banged into her.

“Fuck you!

I fucking hate you!”

She cursed as she moaned away.

The filth from her mouth on made me want her even more but it triggered my member to prepare for release.

I tried to slow down but she knew me well.

She had me pinned and she began to throw it back to me.

As I leaned to thrust, she bounced her ass on my dick.

I was losing it.

I kept hoping that she didn’t look back at me. Any man would tell you that in that position, a woman turning back while you fuck her from the back, is almost guaranteed to push you over the edge.

I clenched my cheeks and smacked her ass again to get her to stop but she worked harder.

So I grabbed her waist tighter and began to pound away really hard.

Each thrust harder than the last. I wanted her to feel me explode.

I could feel it coming, so I rammed harder.

She was looking back at me and suddenly dropped her head into the sheets. She couldnt take it anymore.

I thought I was in the clear and then she rose and said,

“Fuck me!

Come on! Fuck me harder”

I lost it.



I grunted as my seed spilled out of my member and into her warmth.

She slumped to my right and I slumped next to her, still panting for air.

She looked up at me and swung her left hand, hitting me.

Struggling to catch my breath, I said,

“What was that for?”

She smiled and said,

“That was fucking amazing”

I smiled, waited to get some more air in my lungs and then said,

“Wanna go….”

She was knocked out.

Fast asleep. Mouth slightly opened, she snored ever so gently and I remembered why I loved her.

I quietly climbed out of the bed and walked around to her side. I lifted the covers and covered her up.

I kissed her on her forehead and headed to the bathroom.

I opened the door and hit the light switch to my right.

The light went on.

I woke up.


Dreams like that were my reality.

Our reality.

It had been 19 months since she walked out and called it quits. 5 months since I last set eyes on her and touched her skin.

I remember how it went like it was an hour ago.

The night she ended it.

I was sitting in the living room that evening after I returned from work.

Things had been rocky for a bit but at least inside my heart, I hadn’t given up.

I got up and headed into the kitchen and picked out the chicken breast that I had made the night before.

I opened up the microwave and threw it in there.

3 mins and the countdown began. I stood right in front of the microwave that sat next to the refrigerator.

I remember I was trying to decide between the pomegranate juice or the Naked juice sitting next to it.

I heard a sound that I thought was the door but as I was about to turn, I noticed the microwave had 3 seconds on the clock.

One of the things I hate the most in the world is the microwave beeping when the timer ran out.

I pressed the door and opened it.

I placed my plate on the kitchen counter and heard the door again.

It was a knock.

I wiped my palms on my shorts and opened the door.

“Oh hey Stephanie.

 I didn’t get a call. Did you text me?”

I asked as she let herself in.

“Oh no.

I didn’t text.”

She clarified as she stood by the couch and I went back into the kitchen to finish making my meal.

“I made chicken.

Are you hungry?”

I asked.

She smiled and said,

“Ashton, can we talk”

I looked up with some concern on my face. I said,

“Oh sure”

I walked over to the living room and sat down in the seat across from her.

She placed both her hands on her laps and rubbed in her usual nervous systems.

I looked at her and said,

“Is everything okay?”

She looked down and without making eye contact, she said,

“Ashton, I don’t want to do this anymore”

I felt my arteries close up.

Like my chest hurt. It felt like someone just punched me in my stomach.

I swallowed hard and said,

“Steph, I know we’ve had our issues but has it really come to this?

Like I thought we talked about this a few months ago and decided to work things out”

She raised her head and said,

“Ashton, I am tired.

I just don’t want to do anything to do with this anymore. I’ve tried and I think we just need to go our separate ways.

I don’t want to lose you as a friend but this isn’t doing it for me anymore.

It has been a few months of working on this thing and it’s going nowhere. I’m done”

I wiped my face and said,

“Stephanie, you know I just finished my certification and I was starting my new job and moving in here.

I was under tremendous stress but I never stopped loving you.

Why are you doing this?

Do you think I don’t love you or something?”

She was sitting straight up now and said,

“Ash, I’m done.

I just need to get on with my life and I wish you all the best”

I couldn’t believe it.

I moved in my seat and said,

“Steph, is there someone else?

I promise to give you my all.

Everything I have is yours. I’ll do anything.

Just don’t leave now. Please don’t leave now.

I have been faithful and given my best for you and this relationship. That should at least count for something.

Please Stephanie, let us work this out.”

She stood up and said

“Ashton, I will always care about you but I’m done”

That was the last thing she said as she walked out.

I didn’t follow, I didn’t chase, I didn’t cry; I was numb.

It didn’t dawn on me for weeks that she was really gone but that night. I just sat there.


The relationship I had before the two years I spent with Stephanie was good.

I met Stephanie at a drug and alcohol counselling session.

She was an intern there at the time.

I had been ordered by the court to attend the class because I was arrested for being “drunk and disorderly”.

The night I was arrested was the night I had walked in on my fiance at the time sleeping with my neighbor.

Stephanie and I knew each other for a little over a year before we began dating. We dated for two years before she broke up with me.

I had no intentions of getting into a relationship when I met Stephanie.

I was actually angry at the world and at women in general but she came to me with a promise of better.

A better relationship built on an unbreakable friendship.

And so we dated, it was long late nights spending hours talking on the phone and simple dates where we just got lost in each other.

Stephanie helped me heal.

She slowly held my hand as she allowed me to appreciate love and hope again.

With her, I felt safe.

I could see myself growing too.

I was more patient, vulnerable and attentive too. I was always looking for creative ways to make her happy.

To put a smile on her face.

She made me so happy and I could never imagine being without her.

You see walking in on your fiancee cheating on you was hard but losing Stephanie as I did was harder.

It was harder because the first, I didn’t expect or see it coming but the second heartbreak, I facilitated. I allowed her to get close and I got burned again.

Hide original message

The first few months were hard.

I tried everything except showing up at her job.

I wanted her.

I remember talking to my father one night and saying to him,

“Pops, I feel like she’s the one. I have to get her back”

And I truly tried.

Today, I think one of the comforts I rely on, is the fact that I fought harder than any guy I know would have.

I was willing to change, compromise, forsake my old life for her.

But I was glad that I didn’t change myself because a bigger and better test was coming for me, and I had to be true to myself and ready.

Stephanie moved on and shortly after started dating our mutual friend.

It stung but I had to move on.

People won’t always treat you like you would treat them.


It is funny how I reference treatment and how people will treat you.

All I wanted was for her to apologize.

Maybe come back and say she made a mistake or something.

You see, Stephanie leaving changed me.

While I was with her, I was faithful but since she left, I have been from one reckless situation to another.

From one woman to the next, as they all flocked to me, I welcomed.

I hated myself daily but I continued to say that they were all suffering for the sins of Stephanie.

Almost everytime I had an interaction with a new woman, I would be reminded of how much I loved Stephanie.

How much I needed her.

I felt myself slipping.

The last time it was drugs but this time, it was sex.

I was sliding fast and had no brakes on.

I would sometimes call her but she never answered.

This one night, I was wide awake.

Just thinking about everything and I could sense that it would be another sleepless night.

I wanted to speak to someone but no one came to mind except Stephanie.

She was the only one I had known how to be safe with over the last three years.

I sat up in my bed and pondered about calling her for a few minutes.

Then I headed into the kitchen to pour me a glass of milk.

On my way there, I decided to give her a call.

It was a longshot but I had to try.

I reached for my phone as I walked barefoot on the hardwood floor of my apartment and dialed her number.

It rang and rang like it normally would but no answer.

I sighed.

I was used to this.

But how painful is it to love someone and then suddenly, your calls are sent straight to the blocked caller list.

I placed the phone on the counter and sat on the counter.

I looked outside the window and thought to myself.

“How did I become this guy?


I wanted to dial the number again but I stopped myself.

I needed to talk to her.

I had to.

There were actually a few people I needed to talk to about the situation.

But I was sure she wouldn’t answer.

It was hard because it had to be done face to face.

Some may not understand and think I should have just let her go but how do you tell someone that you’re HIV positive and they might possibly have it too?

Give me feedback. How did this make you feel? 


Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Part 2 is out on Saturday

© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan

Art · Drama · Fiction · Life · Sex · Uncategorized

The Cradle 4

The Cradle 4

Embedded image permalink

So Beautiful by Asa

I couldn’t believe that I had lost my temper like that.

As we got into the car, I couldn’t even look at Michael who was driving. I was so ashamed at myself.

And even though I had been provoked, I still didn’t feel it was okay for me to lose my cool as I did. 

I had never wanted Rotini’s secret to come out the way it did but I was fed up with protecting him.

Still, I couldn’t convince myself that it was okay.

Maybe because it wasn’t okay. That was still the father of my children after all.

“It’s okay. Stop beating yourself up”

Michael said out of nowhere.

He glanced at me and said

“Ive been watching your face for the past 20minutes. You are blaming yourself.

And you need to know that it will be okay. He will come back from it.

And the kids are grown, they can process things. 

Be ready to answer any questions that come up even though I am sure they will also just want to never have to deal with it.”

I hoped so. 

I truly didn’t want to address that with them. But its the same fear I held since I found out about chief and Rotimi.

I just needed to get my mind off the whole thing but it kept coming back. Particularly the afternoon I found out.

I had taken the car with the driver to chief’s office.

After waiting for chief because his secretary claimed he was in a meeting, she finally let me in.

I curtsied as I greeted

“Good afternoon sir”

He sat behind his desk with a huge smile on his face.

He addressed me as 

“Akala’s wife right?”

Suggesting that he didn’t even know my name or I was just one other wife he had gotten his way with.

“Sit down, please”

he said

I sat down and he said

“What can I do for you?”

I swallowed hard and said

“Sir, I just wanted to come and thank you for all you did for my family. My husband and I are very grateful for the help with the money you gave us.”

He smiled pompously and said

“Don’t mention it. You know when God blesses you, you help out however you can”

I think I must have vomited in my mouth. Help?

That was what he called help?

Anyway, I was there for a reason.

I continued and said

“But chief, I was wondering why you still gave us the money, if you never touched me.”

He sat up and smiled even wider as he said

“Why would I need to touch you?

I already had your husband. The offer was initially to him.

I just wanted him but then he offered you two and I said why not but that day, only you showed up. 

And when I saw you, something caused me to let you go.

And I gave the money in advance because the call I made after you left the room that night was to your husband.

I told him, I was going to send the money with you but I wasn’t going to touch you.

And that he was to report to my hotel the next day which he did. So problem solved.”

He leaned back in his seat. My eyes were wide and my mouth ajar.

He noticed the surprise on my face and said

“you seem surprised. Your husband never told you?

…Oh, I’m sorry about that.”

Sorry? Chief didn’t need to be sorry. 

Rotimi did.

That was the final straw for me though.

A man that would put me through that whole ordeal would have killed me and the world wouldn’t even have known.

Thank God he didn’t turn to money rituals because if that was the case, I am sure I would have been dead.

I left chief that day and began planning how to leave the country with my friend. 

What The Heck Man was not enough to quantify my shock and disappointment. Sometimes you are willing to give everything for someone but that person is plotting our downfall.

This life.

I looked up and Michael pulled into the driveway. 

He looked over to me and said

“Are you really going to leave on this trip without the kids?”

I looked at him and said

“I asked if they had anything planned for my birthday and they said no. So yes, I’m going without them.

They can send me text messages on my birthday but for now, I want to feel celebrated”

I stepped out of the car and felt a bit of pain in my back but it wasn’t going to stop me from having a great time.


The whole time at the airport, I kept thinking about my children.

I wished they were with me.

I looked over to Michael to my right and quietly said

“I wish they were here”

With a gentle smile, he said

“I know”

We were in Atlanta for 3hours and then out to Puerto Rico.

Michael planned the whole thing for me.

I actually felt really loved but for some reason I wished I was with my children.

The first night there was amazing.

We had dinner on a boat. A really big boat.

I had never been on one that big before.

Or any for that matter, well maybe except for the one that brought me from Africa.

I joke. I joke.

But it was very romantic and Michael was the ultimate gentleman.

Pulled my seat, asked how I was feeling and at night, he didn’t touch me or demand anything.

The next morning was my birthday and I was very excited.

But I woke up and Michael was gone.

I kept calling his phone and there was no answer.

For a whole hour, I didn’t know where he was or even where to begin looking for him.

He eventually texted me saying that he was out and would be returning shortly. I was very irritated.

But I waited for him.

I had taken a shower, eaten breakfast and still no David. 

Like what was the point of coming on vacation if he was going to leave me alone in the room.

My frustration was at an all time high when I received a text from him asking me to meet him on the beach around a spot we had passed by the night before.

I wanted to snap at him but I held my cool.

I made it out there and he wasn’t there.

Now, I was very angry.

I was actually composing a mean worded text message to him when I felt a tap on my shoulder. 

I turned around and there he was. 

“David, what kind of nonsense if this?

You left me alone for hours and then told me to meet you here and you weren’t even here.

Really? Is this meant to be relaxing?”

He put his strong hands on my shoulders and said

“I am sorry. I was taking care of some work stuff”

“Work stuff on vacation?”

I snarled back. He just smiled and used his hands to turn me around and coming down the trail heading to beach were my babies.

All three of them. I turned around to him and hugged him tight.

I pulled away and smacked him on the chest playfully as I said

“What The Heck Man”


Smiles all around. 

I was just so happy that they were there with me. Michael had purchased all their tickets ahead of time.

And planned the whole thing.

“So when I was asking you two, you knew this whole time?”

I asked Amanda and Angela.

They both smiled like cunning geniuses.

I was beat. They pulled this one over me. I felt really loved.

We just kept hugging each other as I imagined the next four days with my children and my new man.

Then I heard a voice very close say


I know I offended you and the God you serve.  I hurt you and I disrespected you and our children.

I just want you to know that I still love you.

I want you.

I need you.

My life has not been the same without you. 

I just wanted to come here to apologize and even though I know you probably hate me, if there is any chance that we could become something again, I would love to take it.

I am here begging for one more chance to do right by you and our kids.”

I was stunned.

Another surprise albeit unexpected but what. I figured David must have spilled and told him about the trip while I was in the hospital but it didn’t matter.

Those words as they came out of his mouth seemed genuine. They felt real. They felt like words I had wanted to hear for many years.

I didn’t know what to do.

I stood there. I could feel my heart racing. 

I wanted to go and I wanted to stay.

I had loved before Rotimi but he was the first and only man that I truly allowed myself to get lost in.

I defined the woman I wanted to be as I found this man. 

In my youth, he gave me love. In my womanhood, through him, God gave me children.

I could never stop loving this man.

There was an air of expectancy over us as we stood there. They all looked at me, waiting for me to make a move. 

I looked back at my children and then I made my decision.

I walked over to Rotimi and took his hand. Together we walked up the beach, leaving Michael and my kids behind.

We arrived at a wooden log at the top of the trail that led to the beach. I sat down and he sat next to me.

I held both his hands and said

“Rotimi Akala, you were my first true love. The physical manifestation of the cornerstone in Christ that I wanted to build.

You gave me laughs, you gave me joy, you gave me children, you found me fit to bring your legacy into this world. You loved me.

And I loved you. Much like I still do now.

But you hurt me.

You hurt me pretty badly.

In some of those days, I thought the sun wouldn’t rise. I couldn’t imagine where the hope was. 

I had invested so much of my life, so much of my person, my womanhood in you and what we built that when it came tumbling down, I had nothing.

I know you are not the worst man in the world but you showed me your worst. 

It hurt. Rotimi it hurt.

It hurt even more because I was voiceless. I needed to protect not just you but the children we brought into this world.

I would not allow them to suffer the consequences of our shortcomings.

Rotimi, you punished me for the mistakes you made as a man but I still love you.

Rotimi, I forgive you. And God helped me raise 3 fantastic children.

I am grateful.

So Rotimi, I forgive you and I love you…”

He squeezed my hands tighter. 

His eyes were swell with tears. He wanted to cry.

I could tell a few more words and the tears would have started streaming down his face.

“…But Rotimi, I can’t. 

I can’t love you the way I used to any more. I have love for you but I’m no longer in love with you.

Too much damage has been done. Not anything that God cannot fix or hasn’t fixed but I have to forge ahead.

The love I have for you, I promise to channel into loving our children but our romantic chapter is closed.

You will always be in my life because you are the father of the greatest gifts that God has given to me.

But I have to focus on me now. I have to focus on the growth within myself that I want.

I have to build off the rubble that fell from years past.

Rotimi, I remind you that you will always have my heart but I have to focus on my new start”

He was already crying and trying hard to not have that ugly cry face.

I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek while we hugged.

Slowly, I got up and without looking back, I walked away.

Back down the trail and towards my children and Michael. 

They were all huddled up talking when I arrived and as I approached, Angela turned around and saw noticed me coming. 


She said as they all looked towards me. 

I walked carefully holding up my dress as I walked to them.

“Where’s dad? 

Amanda asked

“He left but I’m sure he’ll always be close”

I replied.

“Now since you guys are here. Can we have some fun and focus on my birthday and nothing else?”

I added.

And then David spoke as he walked up to me. He stood in front of me and said

“Mother, I speak on behalf of my siblings when I say that we are sorry. 

For our behavior sometimes and for not seeing all the value in all that you have done for us.

The sacrifices. The pain. The hardwork in raising all of us by yourself.

I now know some of what you went through and I truly appreciate you.

I know sometimes I have been a pain but I am grateful that you have always shown me love and never forsaken me.

You are an amazing woman and the best mother any son could ever ask for. You pray for us, even when we forget to or think we are too big to. 

Thank you for everything you have done. That which you have done and even things that we don’t know of.

Mummy, we love you”

The way he looked at me. A simple look was strengthening a mothers love for her son. 

It got me feeling so vulnerable and connected. 

I reached out for him and gave him a big hug.

I whispered in his ear

“I love you son”

as he hugged me long. 

As the hug broke, I said

“You all are my pride. My gift from God. 

He trusted me enough to give you guys to me and I forever thankful.

You are beautiful souls and children I am proud of. 

You are not pains to my heart.

I know there is a lot that I have kept away from you all but it’s because like a baby, I had to cradle you. 

Tightened firmly into your seats, I had to protect you from the chaos till you were able to navigate life by yourselves and I think you are all in that phase now. 

Now I just want you all to be the best you can be. That is all that will bring me joy in the world. I love you all more than you will ever be able to fathom but just I am always here for you all. 

I’ll give you the world and more but for now, all my love is here for you.”

I smiled and looked at their faces and I said

“Now come in here and give me a hug”

They all filed towards me and gave me a big family hug. Amanda looked at Michael and said

“Come on Michael. Get in here”

He looked startled for a quick second and then he joined.

As their hands held me close, I felt the love through our bodies.

At that moment, everything was complete.

My life felt full and I couldn’t be more thankful.

The End

Have you ever baby sat for a family member before? Had to watch a kid for hours on end?
I’m sure you can identify with how scary and nerve wrecking it can be to be responsible for someone. Now imagine having to do that for years.

To concern yourself with their every move, their development and well being. Emotionally, financially, spiritually, physically.
Wanting to give them the best and shelter them from the trials of life.
At some point, having to deal with the reality that you cannot keep them safe all the time. And being okay knowing that you as a parent have done your best.

The Cradle series focuses on a mother’s love. Essentially a parent’s love.
To guide and protect their young from the difficulties of life.

What is stronger than a mothers love?

Many times the efforts that parents put into giving us sound lives are overlooked.

There is so much they take on or shield from us to protect us.

A lot of it are things that we cannot appreciate in our youth but our parents take on a huge and sometimes thankless job to show us the way.

The Cradle series focuses on the story of Linda who raises her 3 children alone amidst adversity and life’s challenges.
It channels love, heartbreak, resilience, growth and forgiveness.

Linda gave up the life she had for the betterment of her children in the long run. David might not have appreciated it at the beginning but imagine the life he would have had if he had stayed with his father.

There is so much that goes on that we don’t always see but I am thankful for prayerful parents that continue to grind for us.
Take a moment to appreciate all the parents that go to the end of the world and back for us.
Be grateful. The baton will soon fall on you too. 😊😁👀

Give me feedback. How did this make you feel? Talk to me about The Cradle 4 or the entire series.


Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated. 

Lookout for New Series starting next week.

© 2015 #WhatTheHeckMan