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It can feel like a dream
You wake up and you begin to replay the scenes
Or a blur
The feelings here and gone
Before you can think
Miles before you can truly feel
One moment you think you want
The next you’re struggling with what you need
Remember when you were asked what you wanted for Christmas
But when you got it
It wasn’t what you thought it all to be
Then you discard it
And search for something else
But that toy that you never wanted
That random gift that checked all the boxes
Is the purple one you clutch to sleep
Celebrating fleeting attractions
Chasing glorified sensations
We want what we feel
But fail to feel what we need
Many mistakes have been made in history
But the biggest can be forgetting that you have a unique story
So your choices and dreams
Are yours to keep
Memories and yours to feel
Needs yours wants should feed
And your actions should never cause you to lose your sleep
There will be many
Many that leave you with holding unto sweet nothings
That remain long after a new attraction invades
Your heart becomes a hotel
Many for a few nights stay
Before they move on along on their way
The essentials will remain the same
Find what you need
And how to make it fill you up
Sustain you at every stop
Inspire you to never give up
Find what you truly need
And not what a new attraction can make you give up
There is no thesis. No head to this snake.
Writing this on my phone. No edits. Just raw thoughts.
There no pills for this feeling.
I feel like I’m writing poetry again.
Okay let me stop.
Today, I was accused of having a girlfriend. I denied the claim.
Well, i didn’t deny because I don’t have one. I know what love feels.
I feel it inside me.
I know what its capable of sparking in me but do I know if I’m ready for what it can really do to me.
I started thinking about what I want vs. what I need vs. what I have.
Like in the accounting class I’m currently taking, they speak to cash in hand.
Today, I have a healthy dose of attraction.
Some sustained, some fleeting, some tempting, some fake and some just empty.
I know I have that. I see it everyday.
From mothers who like my beard to ladies who can’t get enough of the words of “The Wordsmith”
But is that contributing to what I want or need?
I want a woman with a gorgeous smile. Something I can wake up to that brightens my day.
I want a woman that other men want and envy me because I have her.
I want a woman that compliments me.
I want a woman with a “phat” ass. One that I can smack and grab in public.
I want a woman with lips that make you feel things.
I want a career woman.
I want a woman that is friendly but distant enough that guys stay back.
You see, my list of wants are fair things that someone can confidently justify as requirements.
But they are just wants. They will fade, they will change.
My needs however, will remain the same or even morph into greater needs as they develop.
So what does one need,
I need a God fearing woman. Not a woman that knows her way around a church or how to navigate the church politics but someone who truly has a relationship with him that grows daily.
I need a woman that knows that plantain is above everything.
I need a woman that is not afraid to call my bluff.
I need a woman that prays for me even when I forget to pray about myself.
I need a woman who knows that in my eyes, she is everything.
I need a woman that challenges me and motivates me to be a better man daily.
I need a woman that makes having her feel like a gift.
I know what I need and unfortunately, much of what I have right now is not what I need.
I don’t need someone to offer me their body, stress me because I am not emotional enough for them or because I won’t engage in childish arguments.
I may want that on some level but I don’t need that.
I have realized that some want me or the idea of me but do not need me in the capacity they believe they do.
Sucks but its the truth.
See, I don’t need anyone to point me towards where what i may be. And you shouldn’t let anyone do that either.
I have always known that I want to rich but I continue to learn about myself daily that I now know that even if I am meant to be rich, I am not ready for God to give it to me yet.
So what you need may require you to work hard and prepare yourself.
See, all the things I need can be in the right woman but if I am not ready to appreciate her when she comes, I will miss her. Or she may leave.
That is a prayer I say everyday.
I truly hope that as God works on me, he is working on her too. And we are in the same place at the same time, so it works according to his plan.
Patience is required as you wait for what you need.
No matter how much you need something, there is still due process that needs to be observed.
It can get tiring as you begin to confuse what you want and need due to timing.
You feel like you have to get what you want now, whereas what you need, requires more work, time and growth.
I always say that regret is a harder feeling to sell to someone.
The feeling of failure is painful and often hard to swallow when you finally get what you wanted and you realize that you NEED to give it up because you rushed.
Spend time sitting alone, analyze yourself and decide what you have in hand, want and need.
Address them in prayer and create a plan to outline what you want and need.
I’m not saying that you ignore your wants. Eat that bowl of Ice Cream because you want to. Work it off later.
But always keep your eyes on what you need.
What you need to be a better person.
A better son/daughter/lover/friend/confidant/WhatTheHeckMan supporter.
Your needs should be addressing your areas of growth and contributing towards your sustainability.
You may want the perfect person by society standards but you need the best version of you and someone who brings that out of you.
I hope I made sense today. Like I said, there was no real thesis.
Just a man with a platform speaking.
It’s the #WordsOfWednesday on #WhatTheHeckMan by The Wordsmith. 🙂