A cloud hovered over the home. There was a dreary silence that consumed the place.
It was palpable.
You could almost touch the discomfort around the house.
She barely said anything, my sister.
The evening dragged along, I couldn’t wait for the night to come.
I know my sister.
She is the type to not speak when she is upset or angry. Mostly out of the fear of being hurtful but this was different, she was hurt into silence.
We put the girls to sleep together. As we walked out of their room, she started to move faster, I lunged to grab her.
She shook off my reach and ran into her bedroom, slamming the door shut behind her.
She slid down behind the door and I could hear it.
My heart shattered.
“Abike, please open the door”
She didn’t respond.
I could hear her sobbing louder. Her husband approached the hallway but stood at a distance.
“Sis, I know you are upset. Please can we just talk?”
She sniffled and said
“go away! I don’t want to talk to you…”
I quickly quipped back
“I am not going anywhere until you open this door”
She went silent for a moment and then I heard her shuffle on the floor. The door opened.
I walked in and I turned to my left. There she sat on the floor, her back on the door.
She was crying.
I walked to the right of the room and sat on the bed.
“Abike, I am sorry.”
She looked up at me, almost like my words were a verified lie and said
You kept all of this from me. Me????
Of all people! I come to you with everything!
Everything! I tell you all that is going on with me and my life and you keep this from me?!
And now you want to claim that you are sorry?!
How am I supposed to take that Adeola? How?!”
I was already crying when she stopped talking. I was trying to find the right words to explain everything but all I could come up with was
“I am sorry”
She stood up and said
“Stop saying that!”
I snapped and yelled as I got up
“What do you want me to say?!!!!
What do you fucking want me to say?!…. How was I supposed to pick up the phone and tell my little sister that my husband of almost a decade has been cheating on me with another man, or that I am dying?! Tell me how!
….I understand this is hard for you but come on!
I am the one who is dying here and it’s not even the cancer that has been killing me, it’s having to hide and put on a front that I am fine when I am clearly not. That’s the painful part. So cut me some slack….
…..I’ve lived this life and nothing to show for it. A wrecked home and I’m leaving the ones I love. Everything I worked hard for, I’m losing.”
I slumped back onto the bed and she walked up to me.
As she sat next to me on the bed, she placed her hands around me and said
“I’m sorry sis. I’m scared”
Tears down both our faces, as we leaned our heads into each other.
We just sobbed together.
Suddenly she stopped and she looked at me.
I turned my head to the right and looked at her. Both of us at eye level and then she said
“I don’t know how yet, but we are going to beat this thing”
All i could say in reply was
I was babysitting the girls on a Saturday night while their parents attended a church event. I believe I was scrolling through Facebook – something I had done significantly less because it always reminded me of how much I didn’t have.
Wunola made a noise because her sister hit her arm. I quickly sprang up from my seat.
They quickly resolved the issue and as I sat back down, I realized that children were something I was not going to have.
There was already pain of not having children for so long. In a weird way, there was some relief.
Maybe I wasn’t meant to have children after all. Like it was all God’s plan.
Imagine a world where I had to leave a child behind?
I firmly believe that it would have hurt me even more than I was feeling in that moment.
I kept thinking about my life and my “legacy”.
For some, it is to leave a business behind that thrives and makes wealth for their children.
For some, it is to be impactful and be remembered for good things.
I think it was in that moment I really realized that there was more to do in life even without children and a husband.
I loved these little girls and I had done so much for myself already.
I looked down at them and I whispered to myself
“I’m going to beat this thing”
The next morning, I was up very early.
Before everyone in the house. It was around 4am.
I was just staring at the ceiling and wondering how things could have been different.
Would it have been different if I had married someone else?
Stayed in the States?
Become a lawyer instead of a counselor?
Thoughts ran through my head.
I began to remember when Tobias and I were first picking baby names when I first thought I was pregnant.
This was two years into our marriage.
There was no way I could have seen all of this coming. Tobias was so excited. He was sure we would have girls and he would protect them.
You should have seen the way his face would light up as he painted a perfect future for our children.
I was in dreamland.
Now here I was trying to figure out if I had been played all along.
As preacher of “the signs are always there”, I felt like I had let myself down.
There was such guilt and disappointment in myself and my choices.
But then I remembered all the times I was being put down for not having children and how he held me up.
He was really there for me.
So how do you fake that?
I remember a night when we got into a heated fight.
It was about the fact that he went out with his boys and didn’t contact me for almost two days.
He explained that he just needed time. I started wondering why he would do that.
Was he already seeing that man then?
A part of me wanted answers, so I picked up my phone and I dialed out.
A sleepy Lizzy picked the phone on the other side.
I spoke as she muffled
My reply was short
“Let my clients know that I am back at work starting Monday”
She smiled and said
You are right, I changed my mind. The past didn’t deserve my energy.
The future needed all of what I had left, if I was going to beat this thing.
I returned to work the following week and I was crushing it.
My body was struggling to keep me up. I would randomly get weak but I couldn’t stop fighting.
Lizzy recommended treatment abroad and I was starting to consider going to stay with my cousin in Atlanta.
She drove me to my check up at the hospital.
As we were talking, I started to feel like myself in my mind but clearly not in my body.
The doctor came in and asked if I wanted Lizzy to be present as he shared the results, I told him I was fine with it.
He was about to read them to me, when we heard a knock on the door.
The door slowly opened and Abike and her husband peered into the room.
Smiles on their faces as they came in.
“What are you guys doing here?”
I asked as I kissed Abike on the cheek.
She smiled and said
“Uhh… we came to support you. Duh…”
I felt so warm inside.
The doctor, smiling, asked if I wanted him to come back to read the results, I told him no.
This was my family and my backbone.
As he again was about to start, he was interrupted. This time by Abike.
“Sis, I know you are probably going to hate me for this but I think there is something you need to do before all this.
well someone you should speak to”
I rolled my eyes.
They ambushed me.
I was trying to be annoyed when the door opened and Tobias walked in with my favorite flowers.
I quickly said
“If you think a bouquet of flowers will do anything, then you are grossly mistaken”
He placed them on the bed and said
“Adeola, I am really sorry for all that has happened….
…I want to be here for you as much as I can. Please forgive me and give me the chance to fight this thing with you. Please…”
I looked up at him and said
“There is so much we need to talk about before any of that can happen and I can’t do that right now…
…Doc, please read the results. This is my ex-husband but this saves me the trip of explaining the updates to him”
Everyone in the room was quiet.
The doctor broke the awkward silence and said
“Well… from the last time you were here, we found some irregularities in the test.
That was why we had you come in again, so soon.
…Ummm from these tests that we just ran. We found out that you are 2 months pregnant.”
The entire room gasped.
My heart sunk. What was this going to mean?
What would happen to this unborn being?
I finally said
“Run the test again”
As I finished, he said
“I expected you to be shocked, which is why I had the test run three different times in our facility and one time in a neighboring facility.
Miss Adeola, you are pregnant. Congratulations”
The doctor excused himself and as the door shut behind him, I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole.
What a nightmare!
As I was trying to get back on track, life throws this at me again.
I looked around and everyone was in shock. No one was able to say a word.
A few seconds went by and then I looked up to Tobias and said
“I guess you’re going to be a daddy after all”
His face got sullen and he said
“I don’t think that’s what is going to happen here unfortunately”
“What do you mean?
He replied and said
“I am just being transparent thats all. That baby is not mine”
I got up from my seat and slapped him.
“How dare you?!”
I muttered to him.
“What do you mean this baby is not yours?
“Because this is not my child. I got a vasectomy 5 years ago.
No way in hell that baby is mine”
The whole room froze and I felt my soul exit my body. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
Lizzy squealed and I asked
“Will you be here next week for the concluding part of this series?”
I hope to find you here. Don’t worry, catch your breath and I’ll meet you back here next week for the concluding part of this captivating series.
It’s WTHM and #SanmiSaturdays
Against Counsel – Part 3 by The Wordsmith @adewus4real
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