It’s the way it crept in
Almost like the opposite of what it really is
It covers a shorter distance
Like the space between four and three
The palm trees bellow
Uncovering hidden sorrows
It’s getting late
Like a dying lantern wick in the middle of a storm
I place both hands on the sides hoping for a brighter tomorrow
It’s welcoming chamber
Been trapped in longer than I can even remember
The eyes have become accustomed to the black
I’ve tried to crawl outside
Tried to find my way back
Sometimes it isn’t just going to the start
Maybe it would just be helpful to go where I can feel
Truly feel again with my heart
Never there when I toss and turn
The memories of you and life
Inside of me they continue to burn
Fueled by the fear of being alone
Sharing my true feelings can keep me isolated from everyone
Uninviting towards growth
Continuously being wrapped in broken situations
Clutching tighter as my pains continue to violate my heart
It desperately wants to run out of my chest
You are like the exception to what my heart currently feels
More pronounced like the change I want to see
The hope in you sets my mind, my heart at ease
Because of you I feel new peace
More growth than I could believe
My formerly sinking ship now forges ahead
A full belly of steam
We’ll sail into a new morning
You were unexpected brightness
Continuing to give me hope that there could be love without crisis
Finding you didn’t fix me entirely
But it gave me hope that I am not beyond repair
And all you did was be you
I never expected to love how you make me feel
But because of you
I know butterflies are real
You may not be my final piece to this puzzle
But you have helped in the completion project
Thank you God for believing in me
For letting me have the strength to share this with you
So stand here
Quiet with me
Hold my hand and look ahead
Take in the beauty and new hope
Appreciate growth with me
Look it’s over there
Often times we expect that a person or persons is expected to be a mainstay in our lives as we work towards building who we are.
The reality is that it is rarely so.
Think back to high school for a second and remember who used to sit next to you. Your favorite study partner, your wingman/woman, your school daughter, your magazine reading girlfriends, the boys you argued soccer with all day.
Think more recently now. That group member you just happened to take 4 classes with and always group with, your lab partners, even that mentor you thought would be there forever.
The point I’m trying to make is that at some point, these people stopped over in your life. Deposited something into you and left.
Sunrise refers to the new hope and belief in new hope. It is never easy to understand a painful state in ones life but certain people or circumstances can be a help towards finding happiness again.
I want you to appreciate the short but meaningful interactions. When I came out of last year, I so desperately wanted to leave my depression and hurt behind, I was looking for that one fix pill that would solve everything.
I didn’t want to lean on the friends I had. So I started clamoring for more interactions with people.
What I soon realized was that you don’t need interactions with people to be a magical one. I had to stop a begun to appreciate the friends I have and believe it or not when I met one of the realest people I know now, she came out of nowhere. But she gets me and interacting with her allowed me to appreciate my best friends I had before I met her.
We don’t talk everyday and sometimes get caught in the wind of our busy lives but the woman that can’t help but call me an “ashewo” is a blessing. One interaction that has given me hope that I am not damaged beyond repair.
Not every interaction or relationship you have with people will be like that of Bartimaeus the blind man who encountered Jesus as he entered Jericho. The mans life was changed in that one interaction for good but the reality is that we often need many little interactions like that to form a full package.
This past weekend, I was able to watch the Sunrise with a beautiful friend. I couldn’t help but appreciate that moment but this piece came to me on that beach. At the time, my interaction with her was in passing but I was so appreciative of the moment.
Watching the sunrise spoke to me. It didn’t matter if we had a friendship after that moment, that interaction and conversation sparked a new flame of hope within me. That I am on the right track and I’ll get it right.
So today I appreciate all of my friends; from my lawyer, to my nurse, my MTV and future music exec, engineers, finance guru, my model and snicker bar of energy, google contractor, resident mentor at the library J, my hopeless romantic and the rest of you.
We may not talk everyday or get along all the time. You will often call me annoying and I will drift in and out but having you in my life gives me hope.
Each night I go to bed, I pray for you.
And as the sunrises each morning, I thank God for you.
Cherish those short and meaningful interactions, appreciate your friends and preserve the happiness you have while you work for more.
It’s #WordsOfWednesday on #WhatTheHeckMan