Thank you so much for taking the time to read this week’s post. I appreciate all the love and support over the last few weeks and since 2013. I am trying to stay consistent with posting every week, your comments, messages, likes and more are genuine fuel to post more.
I always say this, I write ALL the time but I sometimes struggle to post. When I know I am coming to deliver to you all every week, it gives me a bit more fire. So please, never hold back your comments on the blog post and if you cannot comment here, feel free to send me a message as well. They all go a long way. And with that, here are the WordsOfWednesday from The Wordsmith. Enjoy!
. . . . .
Hear Me Oh Lord, I Pray
For two weeks straight.
Hardly any sleep.
There I was, night after night, praying for it to end.
The echoes of voices in my head. Sleep would visit but never lodge.
I felt powerless in trying to change the situation.
The people stronger than me were calling the shots.
I was drifting away again.
Deep into the night at 2am in the morning, I could hear the tambourines cymbals clang together sending echoes of tear laced prayers into the night.
As I lost myself, I felt a firm a hot slap on my back slash shoulder area.
It shocked me back into consciousness.
Unclear of what just happened, I looked around and there staring at me while muttering something was my mother.
We were doing night vigil. It was 3am.
There is power in prayer.
The story, I just told you above was my reality for two weeks straight.
In the early 2000’s while trying to japa my parents led a family vigil for two weeks straight.
The prayer points varied but the theme was “God abeg”, we needed to leave Nigeria badly. Thank God we were all able to leave a few months later.
It’s incredibly sad that Nigeria collectively is praying the same prayer now.
Prayers work – short and shallow or deep and vulnerable, they all work.
While you are rushing to get to work despite waking up late because you watched Netflix throughout the night before or whether you are on your knees and praying with tears.
I just wanted to share with you that prayers got me to where I am today. The prayers I know of and the ones that went straight up for me.
Prayers are important.
. . . . .
For many years, I would feel like shit.
Everytime I lost it, or shared too much.
I always felt like I was “weak” and while I don’t think weakness is a bad thing, I always felt having great discipline was one of my strengths.
I was raised to have discipline. My grandfather loved to brag about how discipline made him great.
My father talked about how it made him stand out in a crowded polygamous family.
But there were times where I would let it slip.
Asking for playtime when I was not going to have any. Or holding to chapters in journals lent out to others.
Books that had my pages long ripped out.
I had to tell myself I needed and deserved more.
In my situation, my lack discipline was affecting just me but in other situations, there are people benefitting from your lack of discipline.
The longer you take to take full control of your life, some may continue to benefit from it.
There is a man/woman that continues to take advantage of you because you don’t want to hold your boundaries.
You haven’t gotten to that next level because you haven’t forced yourself to grind in this season.
That life change, you want hasn’t happened yet because you haven’t pushed you as hard as you can. You know it too.
As a high achiever, whenever I don’t hit my goals, I feel unfulfilled.
I did notice however, that on the goals that I aspired for and tried hard to give my best, if they don’t work, I am usually fine with it.
But on others where I know I didn’t apply myself, I feel like a failure.
Creativity is important, desire is necessary, consistency is key but discipline, changes everything.
. . . . .
I had double booked.
As I sat down in my barber’s chair, I greeted him but did not respond to his greeting properly.
I signaled that I was on the phone.
I was trying to quietly reschedule my therapy session, so I could get this haircut and head on vacation.
Then it dawned on me – why was I hiding that I was in therapy?
Or “ashamed” of it?
I cannot tell you where it came from or how it did but the courage to speak up returned.
I rescheduled the session and then I told him about how I’ve been in therapy.
It got me thinking about how men mostly don’t talk about therapy and getting the help they need.
The stigma around it has been long documented and I can completely understand why.
Therapy requires a level of vulnerability and honesty that the world does not celebrate within men.
But I like I have said over the past 11 months, I am no longer hiding from who I am or who I want to be anymore.
Our chat about therapy was very short – he never said if he was in it or not but I shared my story, my journey and for me, that was plenty.
I may have been the domino that made him consider therapy, return to it or move a step closer to it. Who knows?
But I am glad I spoke about it.
For those of you out there considering therapy, here are some of the things I have learned so far.
- Therapy is expensive – financially and emotionally. It will ask a lot of you – be ready to give it, so it can work.
- It requires vulnerability and honesty – I always tell people that the easiest person to lie to is yourself, for it to work, you will have to be very honest about you and with you. Remember that.
- It is a lifelong process – there will be phases where it seems like your whole life is put together and you don’t need therapy anymore, don’t fall for it. I did once. Stick with it. Make it a part of your lifetime emotional workout. Continue strengthening the muscle and you will be better for it.
Shout out to everyone that celebrated Valentine’s day yesterday. Your reward is in 9months. 🤰🏾😊
Please comment, retweet and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.
© 2023 #WhatTheHeckMan