Fiction

You’ve Changed O

I’ve been taking pictures of the sky a lot lately.
Every morning for the past two weeks, I’ve taken pictures of the sky and the sun as I make my way to the gym.
I love pictures of the sun. Sunrises or sunsets. Even random pictures of the sky just warm my heart.
Forget God in the heavens for a sec (never forget God o) but I love the sky because it signals hope.
I remember growing up either staying at my grandparents or at my uncle’s and aunt’s – when I missed my parents or my family, I would just look up into the sky.
Sometimes in the star filled night and rest easy on the promise that the sun always rises in the morning to brighten up the sky.

My heart has been heavy for a few days now – many conflicting workflows battling for the little bit of happy I have left. Like kilode?!
Anyway, my birthday is in a less than a week and I am actually pretty excited this time around. For various reasons but one really important one, I feel seen.
I enjoy me.
I like me.
On most days.
But I also like that I am evolving and rediscovering who I am and who I want to be. I confirmed something I always knew about myself recently.

LOS ANGELES — FOX Sports personality and Pro Football Hall of Famer Shannon Sharpe had to be escorted from the Crypto.com Arena floor Friday night after an altercation with several Memphis Grizzlies players.
The incident happened shortly after the halftime buzzer when Sharpe yelled at Ja Morant after the final possession of the first half. As Morant was walking off the court toward the locker room, he paused and walked in the direction of Sharpe at his courtside seat.
Before Morant could get any closer, teammate Steven Adams stepped in front of him and approached Sharpe.
Other team personnel, including Morant’s father Tee Morant, got involved as Crypto.com security separated the crowd.
“I bet you won’t!” Sharpe yelled at Tee Morant as the two were pulled away from each other.
Sharpe and Tee Morant are both back in their seats for the second half.


Basically Shannon Sharpe got out of character.
A few days later he apologized on his TV show. I happened to catch the apology and it resonated with me.
You can see the full apology here but something he said stood out to me.
He said – “I’m not going to say that wasn’t Shannon Sharpe because it was, it was just me getting out of character”
Whew!
Many times we apologize for our truth. We see our flaws as something that makes us less but it doesn’t.
I love that I am never too big to apologize when I am wrong and if you are my friend, I would almost always seek to fix things first.
It’s important to be responsible for all of yourself, but it’s even more important to place yourself around people and in spaces that bring the best out of you and not the worst.
If you are constantly around someone and you walk away feeling drained – maybe you need to stop being around them.

I like my evolution but sometimes the growth you have experienced will cause you “pain”.
Because you find yourself standing firmly around people you once knew and they are still in the same emotional spaces. The gap your growth afforded you will also have you feeling sad for them and that is hard.
Lastly, I’ll leave you with this – evaluate all areas of your life and be truthful to yourself.
Peel back some of the layers and you’ll see that some people in your life are just placeholders and sometimes you are one too.

You’ve Changed o
“Sanmi just over here mad all the time”
“If this is who you have become after all these years, then I guess I didn’t miss out on much”
“You’re just like all the other guys out there”


First let me start by saying that you should never let anyone’s perception of you become your reality.
For me, what you think or see as being mean or selfish is choosing to no longer be a people pleaser and putting myself first.
I used to live for validation and external acknowledgment, the moment you start putting yourself first, everyone thinks you’ve changed.
I’ll admit that I wish I heard more voices announcing and validating my worth as a young boy.
I simply didn’t.
As an adult, you can affirm those voices yourself or continue to accept instances, spaces and people that validate your lack of self worth.

Those hard relationships?
The ones that make you write long un-replied essays, make your heart race not into the sunshine but to duck and cover? Those are you reaffirming spaces that make you feel less than you actually are.
You should leave.

——

You’ve become an “influencer” – why do we try to clown people for living the lives they want while living the ones we don’t want.
Being up close to an influencer, you realize it’s not easy.
Delivering and inspiring in an industry that is still finding itself, is hard work and I respect people that do it.
I also respect the fact that these people make their living by living out their creativity and truth.
I don’t think I’m an influencer.
I believe I have talents that I feel grateful and privileged to share with the world but never anything beyond that.
If that leads to influence and bag someday, then so be it.

But I am not a fan of the underhanded compliments or slights at what you do.
It actually brought up something for me regarding a “friend” – I realized that after thinking about all my interactions with said person, I don’t think I have heard them give me a straight forward compliment in years.
It’s wild.
They won’t directly engage your content or work but will say things like “na wa you’re big now o”.

Cracks me up because what if I wanted to become an influencer true true.
There is money there o!
Like serious money and you don’t want me to us the talent I already have to chop from there?
Yeah, you definitely hate me.

Live your life. For you.
Enjoy it.
Make that reel.
Post that pic.
Start that page. You may not think it but you are a true influence. Even if its not to the people closest to you.

——

It’s my birthday next week. I have been working on a special post that I cannot wait to share!
Next week’s post will come out on Tuesday (my birthday) and not Wednesday.
Also, some of you have been asking for my birthday wishlist.
If you are a gift giver and you typically get gifts from your friends, I encourage you to make a list during your birthday period.

It cuts out the tedious guesswork of people trying to figure out what you want or need for your birthday.
For someone like me, my birthday wishlists are basically EVERYTHING I need in this time.
No gimmicks.
So if it’s there, I need it and if you didn’t get it for me, I would have had to use my money to get it.
And why do that?

Anyway, for those that asked for my list here it is – https://www.thingstogetme.com/620500a76b96
PS: If you know me personally and you want to get something but not pay the reservation fee – please message me directly. Thank you!

Please comment, retweet and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

WordsOfWednesday

© 2023 #WhatTheHeckMan

Fiction

Àrólé

It’s 3:30am.
My aunt is on the couch in front of me snoring. On the other couch, my other aunt’s driver is gently snoring.
I bet they are both probably glad that I am awake now because I am pretty sure I snore louder than them.
I’m sleeping on a mattress on the floor for the night and I feel so at peace.
There is a Christmas tree to the right of me leaning on a standing fan.
There’s no light in the house right now because Nigeria but it doesn’t matter.
There’s a ton of food left from the party earlier and lots of love around every corner of this home. That is golden.

As I reflect on the year – and it’s been a hell of a year, all I can say is “Thank God”.
2022 was a year I would describe as simply – restless determination.
Before the year began, I was committed to arresting certain areas of my life. I decided that 2022 would be the year that positioned me for the rest of my life.
I had been doing the work in different areas but this was the year that I wanted to properly channel the same energy in all areas of my life.
I became obsessed with building the forever life I wanted – today.

In this year’s review – I’ll talk about certain areas of my life like I did last year (you can read the 2021 review here), how I did in 2022 while sharing the expected scores of 2023. I want to make it clear, I give myself scores because I am incredibly critical of myself but most importantly, I love to document progress and growth.
It was even while reading last year’s post that I realized that I had done really well for myself and had a great year.
I also will be writing a letter to my Future self for the first time this year. I hope to document what that looks like next year too.

So here we go, my 2022 for you.


2022 Goals for Big Daddy Adewus + How I Did

  1. Pray More – (I did this)
    1. Touch more lives (I believe I did this)
      1. Be kind to me (Definitely flunked at this!)
        1. Enjoy life (I chopped life last year sha)
          1. Argue less, resist the urge to defend yourself (Kinda sorta did this but more can be done here)

Faith:
I am still not convinced that my Pastor is the man to lead me at my church. I love church because of the communion and worship space it provides me but I am not sure I am deeply convinced in the depth of the Pastor as a spiritual leader.
Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great man. Really nice guy.
But something feels off – I find myself zoning out when he preaches. I also think that the fact that he somehow works in “tithe paying” in to EVERY sermon is a huge turn off for me.
It makes me feel like he’s not speaking from a deep place of fellowship with God. How are you preaching about loving your brother and somehow tithe becomes the focus?

All that being said, I enjoyed my growth with God last year. I feel a bit wiser and stronger in him.
I still deeply love worship and I joined a worship collective with some other worship leaders in my local community.
We meet once a month to sing and fellowship together.
I also think that my daily sessions with God while working out have been life changing.
I always feel him near and I communicate directly.
It’s so odd to have a personal communion with God in such a public place but I ain’t mad at it. Where do you hear God the most and the clearest?This year, I want to intentionally pray more. Much of my praying comes from worship – which I guess is not bad but people always make it seem like if you are not a prayer warrior like the MFM church, you are doing it wrong.
I also want God to use me more this year. Amplify my impact in the most amazing ways.
Last but not least, I want my life to reflect that I serve a living God. You may also hear me on one or two projects this year. So stay tuned!

2022 Expected Score: B+
2022 Final Score: B+
2023 Expected Score: A

Fitness:
WOW.
If you read the entry from last year, I was just at the beginning of my fitness journey.
Amazingly, I crushed it.
I think I wanted to go down. My fitness journey because I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it.
I lost a lot of weight in 2013-2014 because I was depressed and heartbroken from a relationship.
But this time around, I didn’t just want to lose weight.
I wanted to change my life – starting with my body. I never went on any fad diets or used supplements. Everything you see is me grinding hard through every rep and pushing myself to the limit.
I lost almost 54lbs last year.
While most of the progress looked like it came from the gym, I can tell you confidently that I won first in the kitchen. Cutting out unnecessary sugars and fatty things was essential for me.
I am not yet at my final form but I am certainly on my way.
Here’s to an even more ridiculous fitness year. Let me know if you want to come on the ride as well!

2022 Expected Score: B+
2022 Final Score: A++
2023 Expected Score: Keep that sameeee energy fam!

Creativity:
Why are we so critical of ourselves?
I was talking to a friend on the phone yesterday as I went through each segment. When I got to this segment, I wanted to give myself a C but then the person added more color to my perspective and changed it.

Last year we had the first video taped episodes of my podcast.
I started my speaking videos on Instagram and TikTok.
I started my food page and while I stopped posting as frequently because of my dieting, I actually did it.
Also 2022 was probably my most active year on my blog since maybe 2019 or 2018.
Plus TheRantsShow did its thing and the annual giveback was another success, so there you go Sanmi.
It was a good year. It can get even better.

I want to make TheRantsShow the most impactful podcast and show with Nigerian hosts and roots this year.
Watch this space.

2022 Expected Score: A
2022 Final Score: B-
2023 Expected Score: B+

Finances:
I didn’t always stick to my budget in 2022.
I spent a lot on trips, travel and time with my friends but I still hit my savings goals.
Part of my goal this year will be to save and keep the money saved. I may need to move things to a separate SEPARATE account. But our goals must be achieved this year.
I mentioned last year that I have big goals and I still do – so diligence this year will be key in all that we do.

2022 Expected Score: A+
2022 Final Score: B
2023 Expected Score: B+

Relationships:
As you get wiser, you discover more of who you are, who you want to be and everything in between.
In 2022, I prioritized my mental health and my place in friendships.
There were some that I cut completely.
Resurrected a few.
Others that I restructured and some that I restricted.

I am still very thankful for the friendships and relationships I have. I feel like I nurtured the ones that needed water and love.
I also learned that in relationships, you can sometimes over water them.
Sometimes you need to tend to the soil with a till and not muddy the soil.

One thing that came up for me in 2022 was that I realized how much I hadn’t been fought for in my life.
I always felt that friends and partners had usually given up on me.
It’s still a few I loosely carry. So I decided that I would fight for me.
To some, it may seem rash or harsh and even extra sometimes but truth be told, I had to look out for me first.
And I encourage you to do the same. Not at the expense of others or while harming others but truly because you have to learn to put you first.
Inverted or not, it is what you put in front of the mirror that looks back at you.
And if you let life have it’s way, it can drain you off the joy you find in people and in yourself.
So yes, 2022 relationship wise required work. It required communication, patience, kindness, honesty and forgiveness.
It was hard but it was real – just ask the scar on my forehead.

2022 Expected Score: B
2022 Final Score: B-
2023 Expected Score: B+


Please comment, retweet and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

WordsOfWednesday

© 2022 #WhatTheHeckMan