#WordsofWednesday · Art · Drama · Life · Oakland · Poetry · Uncategorized

Real Talk (The New Way of Attractions)

Real Talk (The New Way of Attractions)

[audio mp3=”https://adewus4real.files.wordpress.com/2015/04/jacob-banks-say-something-cover.mp3″

Say Something Cover by Jacob Banks

It’s 4am.                                                                                                                                                 

Why am I up?

Its you

I should be asleep but let me share the truth

The truth for me is you

Socks on my feet

Curled under my sheets

My face is beat

I shouldn’t have makeup on right now

It should be my head wrap securing my crown

Carrying me into dream land

But hearing your voice is all I need

With you I want to share my thoughts 

It’s late and I have to be up at the crack of dawn

But let’s just sit here and talk

…..

It’s been eight months

Yet all we do is talk

Now you no longer want to hear my thoughts

Everything I say sounds like I nag

Having you in my life was once a reason to brag

But now I carry my aching heart in my handbag

I’m struggling to not drown in my feelings

But you won’t answer my calls

And if you do

You always promise to call back

But you never call

And all I really want to do is talk 

It’s 4am

……

Suddenly there are other people

Those long five conversations till four have stopped

Now three of us make up this triangle 

Me, you and this growing space

I miss when it was just us two

But now you’re not available to return the attention or concern

It’s now too much to expect one call from you

It’s 4am and I’m retweeting the new girl you’re talking to

……

It’s 4am 

And I haven’t heard from you

I’m scrolling down your timeline

This is the only way I connect to you

Oh you have a doctors appointment

I didn’t even know you hated hospitals

I’m careful not to double tap as I make my way

Down your Instagram page

I am 64 weeks down the way

I loved it when you had your hair in those box braids

But I keep waiting for you

I still keep the faith

But i admit I’m getting tired and I might not be able to wait

……

Fleeting attractions

Like Nitro gas

We burn out fast

Spilling out our lives

Into each other’s palms

Building dreams in clouds so high 

But our eagle is ground when the clouds cry

Drenched in emptiness and regret

But remembering you’re the best I’ve had yet

I want more

Like I had wanted you

Now I communicate my feelings through retweets and emojis blue

Hoping that my borrowed words reach

Hoping they catch you

I’m here hurting as you announce your new conquest

And I’m hoping you say something

But you’re saying I’ve given up on you

It’s 4am

And I’m talking to you again

Through an unresponsive screen 

Realizing that all we had were muddled dreams

…..

That dreaded “talking phase”. Oh that phase.

Think, how many people are you “talking” to right now? Why is it so convenient for the guy you want to hide behind being in a talking state?

There are many great men and women today scared of commitment and void of effort that they just sit in the talking phase.

But the talking phase provides no security, today you’re the only one he’s talking to, tomorrow, you’re not the guy she calls first in the morning anymore.

When will we want more? Ask for more.

Do more.

And ultimately be more.

I am never here to scapegoat anyone and I am not perfect (this is a lesson for me too).

But we need to grow as a people.

For a generation so adept at knowing emotions, we are very emotionally behind.

Our emotional vocabulary is shot. Minimal if any.

Men cannot communicate needs and women cannot fully grasp the understanding of self.

People talk more than they get into relationships. This is our new wave of attraction. Our new ways of sharing self.

We talk and talk but our hearts are not listening. All we do is talk; no action.