Reflections

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You’ll only regret it when I get heartbroken 

 ⟹ ⟹ ⟹ PLAY THE SONG BEFORE YOU START READING

Photograph by Ed Sheeran

When we started it was you

When I had you

My dreams came true

Step by step

I fell for you

Before I knew it

My world was only you

Soon you became the reasons for my smile

Whenever I came around you

My self-doubt died

We grew closer and closer

Attention from other folks

I told them not to bother

Our love grew stronger

My heart grew fonder

All I wanted was you

All I saw when I looked at me was you

Even now the mirror got smeared

The picture tainted

We began to fight instead

I could look at you and want peace

But slowly we became selfish

Nobody really gave a shit

Time and time again

We claimed to put each other first

Fact of the matter is

We’re innately selfish wanted out agendas

First

Zone to a time when I held my tongue

There was a time when our love was so strong

We feared no one

Now we’re getting ready for a wedding

And can’t agree on our song

We’ve changed

The things about myself I used to see in you

I now hate

Your feelings of sadness

Choose to not engage or relate

Now you can’t stand me

You don’t even want the free food on our date

Zeal to be better

You used to forgive

I used to forget

Now you’re sitting all alone

Full of regret

Our fights lasted a day

Now I’m out picking my mail

And we haven’t spoken for two Saturdays

My heart aches

Sleepless nights and regular headaches

I miss you

But I’m too stubborn to admit

That I need you

You know I love you

But whenever you upset me now

I want nothing to do with you

I have one foot out of the door

I complain and I don’t put in any effort

Not enough

Not anymore

My heart is sore

And I don’t want to cry or argue anymore

But I’m stuck on you

I’m in love with you

I want no one but you

But why do you want to leave me so much

When you know you’re the only reflection that true

You love me

But you don’t truly forgive me

You say mean things to me

You only remember the hurt I’ve made you feel

Unhealthy

You’re the reflection of me

When I’m happy you are too

When I’m sad

Now It’s because of you

Petty arguments you let divide us

Fights are what define us

If you wanted and truly loved me

You’ll wake up

Now paper over the cracks with make up

You make me happy

But why is it that you want to leave this

So eagerly

Our mirror is cracking

I can no longer see me

My vision is blurred

I can hardly see “we”

I wrote the reflection thinking about you. Yes you.

I was thinking about relationships and how a partner begins to reflect you. You both come into as “individuals” and slowly over time, you become closer and closer. You begin to share experiences, dreams, views and then before you know it, the person becomes a reflection of you. You used to enjoy watching your shows alone but then you meet them and now you have more fun enjoying it with them. You used to buy shoes and clothes by yourself but now all of a sudden, the ones he buys for you carry so much more value.

You were always a go-getter but now you are thrilled by the prospect of building and empire with your partner.

Without consciously asking you or requesting permission, they become your reflection. You go out without your partner and they don’t ask how you’re doing. They ask “how/where is so so and so?”. Completely ignoring your identity. Believe it or not, it’s because they have merged you two into one because you know reflect each other.

Over time the arguments get longer. Pettier.

You used to want to make up that night and you couldn’t imagine your partner mad at you. Now there is a lot of “I don’t care”, “Why am I still here?”

I know a woman who has broken up with her boyfriend 22times!!!! There are deeper issues there but let’s focus on the task at hand instead.

It’s because you’ve forgotten. You’ve forgotten that your partner is a reflection of you. How many of you can lay in bed next to raging partner and be at ease?

When your boyfriend has a long day at work that stresses him, he comes home unhappy. You become his source of happiness pulling from the things that he has shared with you that makes him happy.

You couldn’t stand to see your woman cry before, now she’s in tears and you act cold. Because you have forgotten how much the happiness you derive from her being happy and what it means to you.

Why do we do that? To our best friends, to our parents, to our partners.

Why do we discount the relationships and act like we don’t care anymore?

Especially when we really do. Do not lose the value of the people that love you. Do not forget how much of yourself reflects through them.

I ask you today to be slow to anger, be quick to remember what it is about them that you love. Remember what it is that made you one. Friends, lovers, life partners. Do you think they’ve changed? Honestly, it’s almost always because some element of you has changed too. Have you changed?

I noticed in my relationships that I changed, certain factors influence me and then I start to act out. I start to pull back or not give enough effort. But I sometimes have to check myself.

Are you the same “base” of the person you were when y’all became friends? Lovers?

What do you now reflect?

Who do u need to call? What do you need to fix?

Any relationships hanging in the balance that you have to fix? Don’t stay angry. Fix it. Or at least clean the mirror. Help both of you see a clear picture

Love them and communicate, don’t lose something you truly love. All that comes next is regret.

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The End

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