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⟹ ⟹ ⟹ PLAY THE SONG BEFORE YOU READING.
Even My Dad Does Sometimes by Ed Sheeran
Nia left and Jae packed her things and left a few hours later. I sat on the couch as she packed up and walked out. She did not say a single word to me and I was sure I wouldn’t be able to handle her saying another word to me. It would have broken whatever was left of my heart.
I was replaying what had just happened in my head and how it came about. Apparently, Jae had picked up on the exchange at the hospital. Suspecting that Nia had maybe told me something in private about a condition, she tried to find out herself by requesting a home visit and then manipulating an already fragile Nia into telling her everything that happened between us.
Nia held nothing back and once she started talking, it was all out there.
It crumbled my home. To dust.
The days began to add up and my home was just as empty as my heart. Jae did not pick up any of my calls and a now married Nia did not want me contacting her. I was stuck but I knew I had to do something. And I had to do it soon.
It took a lot of self building up to realize that I had to start with Nia. From what I gathered, Jae was completely off the grid.
I summoned courage one evening and headed for Nia’s home. It was beautiful. It had a picket fence in a cul de sac which she loved and always dreamt about raising her kids there. I parked on the street and walked up to the front door. I knocked and a little dog began to bark. About a minute later, someone opened the door. There were toddler soccer shoes to the right side of the door and Nia stood in the doorway.
“What are you doing here? What do you want?”
“I just wanted to talk to you and ask for your forgiveness for everything that happened to you back then. I am sorry.”
“Sorry? Sorry? You want to stand here and say you’re sorry. Not only did you let your friends rape me, I got pregnant from that horrible encounter. I would eventually have two boys and if you’re still the man that would do that to a woman, I pray that my boys never end up anything like you. You are a disgrace to men. I lay there and you watched me get violated and you did nothing. I cried and pleaded with you to help me. I needed you and you were too concerned with vanities. You broke me that night and I don’t think I ever healed since that night. I went to your father to tell him about it and he blew me off. Me? I was the victim here and I was expected to be shoved away?”
The words flied out her mouth and hit me like flames, I was starting to sweat and I felt my knees and ankles begin to give way. I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me.
I wanted to explain myself but I didn’t have the words. They just wouldn’t come out. I stood there in shock and flooded with regret. I remembered that night, I hated that night. I was a coward back then, eager to be accepted and feel among. Fitting in with the guys was all I thought of, I needed an identity and I went about it the worst way because I hurt the woman I loved.
“Your father manipulated my poor parents into accepting money and we did leave town but I had unfinished business here, so I returned. The money was good but having you was priceless. I ended up losing that pregnancy and I spiraled into depression. One evening whilst mourning, I cursed your existence that you would not see the joys of having a child of your own. I never knew it would come true. I feel for your wife but I don’t know what you expect me to do”
Before I could respond, Jae’s husband came out of the house and stood behind her in a protective stance. It all seemed to get awkward. I was angry. My father never told me that she was pregnant and I thought she just disappeared. Why wasn’t he honest with me?
“Everything okay, here?”
He asked as he scanned me up and down.
“Everything is fine, baby. This is NU.”
She replied with NU standing for the name of our university; Northwestern University. I acknowledged his presence and began to speak
“Nia, I am sorry. I was young and naïve. I made many mistakes and I am sorry. I hurt you bad and I wish I could fix it all but we both have families now. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Also remember that this is also affecting someone who had no hand in this being my wife. Please forgive me.”
Nia broke down and began to sob. I apologized for my presence as her husband led her back into the home. There was so much hurt in her and I think finally listening to me apologize lifted a huge burden off her shoulders and she could finally move on from it.
I didn’t hear from Nia for another couple of weeks. I second guessed myself and wondered if my going over to her home was a bad idea. She would eventually call me and with the help of her husband, she forgave me. The evening she broke down at her house, I dashed out of there and headed straight for my father’s. I was furious, how could he hide such huge things from me?
I remember leaving Nia’s home and driving at about 100mph. I just wanted to get into his face and punch him with all due respect.
I arrived there.
I stormed into my father’s house searching for blood. Maria the cleaning lady was doing her things as usual.
“Welcome Mr Murcel”
She said with her heavy Chilean accent. I waved her off and headed for my father’s study.
Up the stairs and around the corner I headed. My father’s study was at the front of the house with a balcony. He had a full view of the premises from the gate to the front door. He must have seen me from the proverbial a mile away.
I didn’t knock, I barged in. I began in a heightened angry tone,
“Why didn’t you tell me that she was pregnant?! They came to you with my child and you paid them off?!
Do you know what happened to that child?!”
With a stern but calm look on his face, he pointed at me barely looking up from the paper on his desk.
“Sit down, son”
“No! I’m not sitting down”
I yelled back. He stood up sharply and said with a now angry voice,
“Now listen to me, I did this for you but not only you, I did this for us. That girl and her family came to me with a baby. You were still in school, you needed to focus on that and our family was facing an election, we could not afford to face that.
Besides, what kind of story would it be if it came out that the son of a top executive was a witness to a rape of his girlfriend which resulted in a pregnancy but he didn’t do anything. So I paid them some money, enough money to take care of them fully and then send her back to school once the baby was born. You could have also gone to jail for a long long time. I handled it.”
I paused for a second and gathered my anger again and said,
“You should have told me something! Anything! I would have let her know I did not abandon her and the baby. You hid that away from me because of your own selfish needs. You run for office. How much did you pay her?! Paying her to stay quiet.
Well congrats; you gave her money while I have lost everything. From a potential child to a barren home, all lost thanks to you. For all the money you gave her, that boy still died and she cursed my future for that. Thank you, father. You always found a way to control everything!”
I didn’t wait for a response; I just turned around and headed out of the room.
It was like my legs could not carry me fast enough. I just wanted to be far away from him and my current life. It all felt hopeless. The woman I love had already left me, I put a child in another woman and that was also taken away from me somehow.
What was there to live for?
Why even bother trying?
I got into my car with tears streaming down my face.
Why was this happening to me? I knew I had made mistakes but why was I being punished like this?
I felt like I was stripped of my dignity, integrity and even happiness as a man. I didn’t know how to find myself. I was lost.
. . . . .
I’m a Mess by Ed Sheeran
From the top of my mouth, through my nostrils and onto my huge forehead, I felt heavy pressure.
I slowly opened up my eyes as I sat up in my bed. There was a ringing sound in my ears. And the light in the room was making my headache worse.
I got up and stumbled across my room towards the door. I slipped on my house slippers and realized I had left my phone on the bed. I turned around and went back to get it.
Pausing before I started walking back, I realized my room was a mess.
It was a clear representation of my life at the time. Dirty clothes all over the floor, used empty plates by the bedsides, take out meal packets beginning to mould and unfolded laundry falling out of the basket; just one big mess.
Grabbing my phone, I stood still and stared at myself in the mirror. I hadn’t shaved in almost a month, full beard and I looked unkempt. I just felt like there was no need to look presentable to the world.
For some reason I changed my mind about heading downstairs and I headed for the shower instead. I turned the water on, it usually took a few minutes to get hot. I sat down on the toilet seat and handled two pieces of business while I responded to my emails. I then proceeded into the bathroom. The water was hot and I had to dial it down. I stood at the back of the tub for a bit, as the shower sprayed water onto my shins and then like a kid getting into a swimming pool for the first time, I slowly came under the shower as the hot water soaked my body from the crown of head to the soles of my feet.
I stood there and I let the water cover me. The sound of the water drowned out the rest of the world as my thoughts raged at me.
It had been 5 months since Jae left. She never came back for any of her things. Her sister came by once to pick up a few things and that was it. I had not spoken to her, seen her, heard from her or had an idea where she was. I had begun to give up hope of her and our life as a couple. I feared that she might now be in love with someone else or trying desperately to forget me. I knew I had fucked up pretty bad but how to fix it was now the biggest problem and 5 months in, I still had no answers.
The water trickled down my chest and through my pubic hairs. I was washing away the soap around my dick and I cupped my balls in my hands. I looked down at them positioning my head to prevent the water from getting into my eyes as the shower continued to spray me.
Looking at my slowly hardening package, I realized that I hadn’t done anything sexual for a little over a month. Depression and everything else just killed my drive.
For whatever reason, I was on today. I gently began to stroke my shaft as it began to harden in my hands.
I forgot how good it felt to feel hard. The water was heating up the rest of my body, my right hand on the shower wall while my left hand pumped up and down on my now hardened cock. I wish I had somewhere to put it I thought. My mind flashed to Jae.
Both sets of her soft lips, her inviting curvy hips, her sexy voice and her perfectly rounded ass. I missed her body, I continued to pump while thinking of the one night I sent her a message saying
And I came home that night and tore it up.
I wanted a night like that but I realized that it wasn’t going to happen. The sadness crept into my mind quickly and I could feel myself begin to soften in my hands. I quickly pumped harder and faster. A few minutes later, the water was washing away my wasted seed down the drain.
I was out in my room, drying myself off. I slid on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I headed down the stairs to my living room and turned the TV on. MSNBC was on, it was the Hardball show. I loved watching the news. I continued my journey to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator.
It was going to be noodles, stir fry and some sausage that I had left over from a few days ago. I hadn’t gone grocery shopping in a while. Ordering in was my new thing, reflected by the pile of restaurant menus I’d ordered from on the coffee table. Standing there, I played back the day I walked into Jae and Nia sitting there and how they both ended up leaving that day. Every single day, I thought about how I could have made that different. A lot of “what if’s” floated through my head but I knew it was fate and it played out the way it needed to.
I absolutely hated the microwave hitting the last second and making that beeping sound. Right before it hit 2seconds left, I snapped the door open. I stopped. It sounded like I had heard a knock on the door. I was quiet, no follow-up knock.
I closed the microwave door and it seemed like there was another knock on the door. This time I had to check it out. I set my food down on the kitchen counter and headed for the door. I heard some movement. I bent down and looked into the peep hole; it was my father.
“What was he doing here?”
I asked myself. I hadn’t seen him since the confrontation at his house. I actually got nervous for a second because he had made no attempt to contact me either. I looked into the peep hole again and noticed there was someone else in the corner of my view but I couldn’t see them clearly. The person looked big but unrecognizable.
I looked behind me and realized my entire home was a mess. Shit!
I had no choice but to open the door and I did slowly. My dad stood in the doorway and looked at me
“Can we come in?”
I motioned them in as I held the door open. He walked in and coming from the corner of the front of the house, Jae walked in behind him.
Yes. You read that right. I was shocked. Frozen into my spot, I didn’t know how to feel. On one hand, I was happy on the inside and on the other, very nervous about her standing in front of me.
“Sit down, son”
My father began as Jae took her seat beside him. She was different. She looked like she had a glow and I was curious to know. My father continued on,
“Marcel, I want to apologize to you and your wife, Jae. Way back when I paid off Nia and her family to go away, I thought I had your best interests in mind but evidently, I only had mine. Time and various situations have shown me that, I was wrong. I believe that my actions back then caused certain things to happen in your marriage and I take responsibility for that. Indeed for everything I am truly sorry. My actions back then contributed to the separation between you both, there for, I had to reach out to Jae and plead with her to come back to her marital home.”
My father looked straight at me while he talked. He was always an honest man when it came to his family and being straightforward with them. I always respected him for that and I think that was why I was so hurt he kept the whole thing about Nia from me back then.
He turned to his right and looked at Jae.
“Go and sit with your husband”
Jae rose and came to sit next to me across from my father. He continued,
“I am here to humbly ask for your forgiveness…. Both of you. And implore you to not let the love between you which is clearly there die. Remember that love is patient and can stand the test of many difficult tests life throws at it. You love each other. Grow that, cherish that”
I was moved by what my father said and I nodded at him respectfully. Turning over to Jae, I held her hands in mine and said,
“Jae, my love, these past few months have been the worst of my life because I was not waking up to you in my life. I am sorry for whatever way I might have hurt you and our families. I never meant to hurt you. I truly want to earn your love and your trust if you will let me. I need you back… More than ever, I know I need you. Please come home. I truly love you.”
Tears had begun to form inside her lower eye lids, she squeezed my hands gently and said,
“You are my everything and even though I was hurt, I realized that it wasn’t entirely your fault and even Nia called to tell me she forgave you and wanted me to do the same. So why not? I have been away in London for the past 5 months and I go back tomorrow. No one knows I am here and I want to keep it that way to protect us. All of us. You are the love of my life and I want us to go back to being a family, a happy family.”
She removed her left hand which still had her wedding ring on it and began to rub her belly.
“I know you missed out on one opportunity to be a father the first time my love but this time, I know you will be a great dad. We are having a baby!”
I was overjoyed. A huge smile broke across my face, my wife was back and she was carrying a baby. I was so happy but confused. I uttered..
“how? We haven’t had…”
She stopped me in my tracks, knowing exactly what I was going to ask and said,
“Remember that day I came to your office? Yeah, it was that day.”
I remembered that day. That was a magical day. I leaned in and kissed my wife on her lips. I was the happiest man in the world. No single pregnancy we had ever had before made it past the 4 month mark. I was beyond joyous.
Jae was heading back to London to protect the situation and any kind of “attacks”. Nobody except the 3 of us in the room knew about her being pregnant and it was going to stay that way till the baby was born.
Right before Jae turned around to leave, she looked around the room in all it’s messiness and said,
“Thank God I’m pregnant; I won’t be responsible for cleaning this up”
We laughed as they left. I walked them to the car and gave Jae a hug and waved them off. I stood still and thought of how much of a lucky man I was.
It all felt out of this world, I was beyond grateful and I hadn’t even processed it all yet.
. . . . . .
I was walking through the hallway towards the sound of my name. It was loud and tempered with fear. The voice was familiar and scared. It was Jae. The last time I had heard her scream my name like that was a few nights prior in bed but this sounded more like the noise she made in the delivery room almost two years ago.
I knew that her water hadn’t broken yet, it wasn’t time yet but I also wasn’t sure if it was another miscarriage or not. I feared the worst. I pulled up into the balcony of my father’s house where the whole family was present for our annual Christmas party and there she was.
With panic written all over her face, she pointed to the corner of the balcony towards the railings. It was Marcel Jr.
I stopped and burst out laughing, he was crying, Jae’s panic was slowly turning to laughter. Remember what I said about having a big head, well I definitely gave it to my son. Great genes!
He had stuck his big head in between the rails and gotten stuck. It took me back a few years to my situation before he was born. I was trapped before too and just like now, it was the people I loved the most that helped me out.
I walked over to him, still with a smile on my face, I crouched and said,
“Realize your worth today and reach out to someone going through a tough time. You might just be that outlet they are looking for.”
Thank you for reading Trapped 1-4. You are highly appreciated. NEW STORY out NEXT SATURDAY. SNIPPET ON WEDNESDAY
Lookout for Part 4 of TRAPPED next Saturday
© 2014 #WhatTheHeckMan