Inhale.
Exhale.
deep breaths
“Come on Sanmi, you go this!”
deep breaths
I could see stars for a second – it reminded me of how Tom would see them floating around his head at least once every episode while Jerry smirked in the corner.
https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftenor.com%2Fview%2Fseeing-stars-dizzy-tom-tom-and-jerry-gif-24937523&psig=AOvVaw3wZQtHiYts90r0r1l_xGwi&ust=1677155420264000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CA4QjRxqFwoTCOi8rvqQqf0CFQAAAAAdAAAAABAJ
I slumped to the ground and I tried to catch my breath.
I kicked my head back and began thinking to myself, this was not failure but it sure made me feel “human”.
I turned my head to the camera and smiled.
“One more set, Sanmi”
I said to myself as I got up and pushed through.
We go again.

—
As I left the gym that day, I kept thinking to myself, how did I get here?
Last week, I wrote about discipline and I love how people reference that as some of the traits or things they like about me.
But I firmly remember a time when I never thought I would be a disciplined person.
I may already have shared with y’all about how my grandfather was absolutely certain that my cousins and I would be lazy people. All because we did not want to sweep the compound at 7am on a Saturday. LOLGod rest his soul.

But this post is not entirely about discipline (it kind of is).
It is more about coming to the realization that here is nothing I’ve super cherished that I’ve never had to work hard for, even if that work was just to appreciate what I had.
Not a job, friendship, relationship, or even hobby.
I realized a few years ago and my 2022 made it abundantly clear – anything good you want in this life, you have to work for it.
Now, I most certainly do not believe that you should have to lose yourself to draining or painful work for you to enjoy life, but I most definitely believe that the best things require intentional effort.

Relationships are hard. Being true to you is hard.
Friendships are hardwork. Like I said before, none of those should be draining work but it is hard work.
I have some friendships turning almost 20years in the next few months. While I love and cherish them, I realize that those relationships have been filled with ups and downs.
And pretending it’s not so, does nothing for me.
It’s the lows that make me appreciate the highs more – and knowing that it took intentional work to get there, makes me hold on to it even more.
Interacting with people can be hard but make sure you invest in people that are worth it.
With the understanding that even if it seems easy or hard, you have to choose them every single day.

What Do You Mean You’re Getting Old?

My father turns 70 this September.
For a few years, I have been terrified of the prospect and the reality of my parents getting older.
I typically do well challenging irrational fears in may head but this one has only grown over the years.
I think there is something about the inevitable that rings true but also knowing fully well that you do not control anything.
I love my parents dearly as you may know but yeah, it scares me.

My parents also live a world away from me. So we do not get to talk everyday.
Sometimes when I get a call or message from them, I panic.
The panic became clear in my voice as they would call me.
One day recently, my mom snapped at me on the phone because I sounded super concerned as I picked her call.
I get it. No one wants to feel like every time they call someone, they induce fear but what can I say?!
I love my parentssss!
I even had to make it clear to them to never lie to me about anything, especially their health.
Too many times, I have heard of people who’s parents hid critical conditions from them till the very last minute.
Not only robbing them of time with their families but also creating a shock reaction when the inevitable loss happens.
May we never experience that in our lives and for those that have, I pray healing for you.
More importantly, the feelings I have continue to remind me to be intentional about loving my parents as aggressively and intentionally as I can. I hope you do the same for you and yours.

Anyway, I just wanted to sound this out because it is something that has been weighing heavily on me lately.
Can you relate to any of the areas I spoke to this week?
IF you can, let me know in the comments section or on Twitter/Instagram.

What If I Left?

What would happen if I wasn’t here anymore?
Not dead.
Just not actively present for your interaction or consumption.
Lately, I have been feeling the intense urge to disappear.
Like leave everything behind and just go. I have begun to understand the people that leave everything and start over.
It may seem irrational to some people and even crazy but I get it.
Most people would never have the courage to make that choice but I am not most people and I believe in putting my peace first.
So hmmmm.
It’s not something I have planned out…yet but I am curious to find out if other folks feel the same way.
Let me know in the comments as well.
Till next time, stay up!

Here are my Top Songs I have been listening to this week

Look What You’ve Done Already by Greatman Takit

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/7KuXYbVO5fi6Re3q0iJTEN?si=09eede7d06f343a7
Apple: https://music.apple.com/us/album/look-what-youve-done/1654101154?i=1654101155

Winner by Laolu Gbenjo

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/2OMk1HNj8KRfWDNEBAZrlE?si=4ohRLLgNSGqBqfxbRvQY-A&context=spotify%3Asearch
Apple: https://music.apple.com/us/album/winner/1657202490?i=1657203024

Out of My Belly (Live) by Prospa Ochimana

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/3SOkbv11x75E80JkRkjnLc?si=LcFlfuo9TruBMFFGzohO3Q
Apple: https://music.apple.com/us/album/out-of-my-belly-live-feat-theophilus-sunday-moses-akoh/1638999661?i=1638999664

You Are the Most High (Tungba) – BisiManuel

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/0rc242rWKrEORBY72947n6?si=umUqyjf5SfiJtSBgRuegWQ
Apple: https://music.apple.com/us/album/you-are-the-most-high-tungba/1636973873?i=1636973874

Miracle No Day Tire Jesus by Moses Bliss, Festizie & Chizie

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/4BdSQteqYNDGU8oD487KEU?si=RJzm3FdWTAKajMRy120fxA
Apple: https://music.apple.com/us/album/miracle-no-dey-tire-jesus/1660962372?i=1660962373

Please comment, retweet and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

WordsOfWednesday

© 2023 #WhatTheHeckMan

I got promoted.
I’ll come back to that shortly.

During my company’s holiday party in December, I was walking through the venue.
It had thousands of people in attendance including. There was incredible food, drinks, laughs and a musical performance by one of the most legendary pop artists of our time.
As I waded through the crowd to use the bathroom, I got stopped by someone.
They nervously tugged at my blazer.
If you know me, I initially looked down in such disgust.
Like huh?
Who touched me????

I didn’t recognize the face as I looked down and they quickly introduced themselves
“Hi Ade, it’s me __”
I beamed a huge smile in response.
A quick awkward hug and I was looking at them again.
They quickly said
“Thank you for everything”
That was one of 4 similar encounters that night. I had hired him and the three other people that came up to me that night.
Because of the pandemic, much of their recruitment and onboarding had happened virtually. In some cases, I never saw their faces unless I stalked their LinkedIn profiles.
As I walked away that night, I felt a sense of pride. I brought some incredible people to the company.
In some cases, it was giving them their dream jobs.
One of the 4 was a recent Phd graduate and this was his first “big boy” job.

Last week, I found out that I got promoted.
The only one on my large team to get promoted and scored a 110% on my annual evaluation.
Why is all of this relevant?
I am pretty darn good at my job. Phenomenal actually. You should see me in action.
But I can’t help but remember how I almost never even got this far in my career.

A few years ago, I got called into a room with my director at the time and my lead. They told me that I wasn’t doing my job fast enough.
In my mind I was.
I may not have been moving as fast as they wanted and that’s okay. But their delivery that day was harsh.
And for someone only a few months into that role, it shook me and discouraged me.
I believe their intent was to inspire me but it actually made me consider quitting.
But obviously, y’all know how stubborn I am. So I didn’t give up and here I am today.

Sometimes I hear the way my teams and leaders praise my work and a part of me is truly amazed.
I got better. I worked harder.
I pushed myself but I had help along the way. After I left that company, I worked for two leaders that believed in me and gave me the reins to push boundaries.
I may not have been fast enough there but under the right leadership, I am the pace setter.

I wrote this WOW to remind you to believe in yourself and bet on you.
Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not good enough or great enough.
Always take constructive feedback and apply it where needed but never give up on you because of someone else.
Imagine if I gave up, the 100’s of candidates that have gone through me may not have the amazing opportunities they have right now.
You are right where you need to be. Slow it down or speed it up but never stop moving.

Please comment, retweet and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

WordsOfWednesday

© 2023 #WhatTheHeckMan

In previous years, I’ve written this as “random facts about me or get to know me” but it’s January 6th, 2023 – I have been up since about 6am in Ghana for my friends wedding.
I waited till a little past 8 to get dressed and I’m heading to the gym downstairs.
I have just taken my “first naked pictures of the year”. Relaxxxxx!
It’s not really naked from the point of nudes but I’ve tracking my body and my progress for about 9months.
I’d love to see what I look like by Jan 6th, 2024 by God’s grace.But as my birthday approaches, I am reviewing who I am and what I love. So here are 32 things about me, things I have learned and thoughts I have. I hope you enjoy!

1. I love worship. Specifically African worship. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Maverick City and Hillsong but how do you translate Ijinle ninu Ijinle where the meaning carries weight?
2. I enjoy pushing my own boundaries and limits. Whether it’s going heavier at the gym or testing my discipline, I really like seeing how far I can go.
3. I love learning my body and that has transferred into loving my fitness journey.
4. I struggle to ask for help. Don’t we all?Those of you that know how to ask for help, please how do you do it?
5. I am an experience. If you have the privilege of knowing or loving me, just know you’re in for a treat. Nuff said.
6. I really like cooking and creating new recipes. I don’t even know when I started loving cooking as much as I do but I thank my mom for letting me cook my first pot stew at 9 years old. Since then I have created many things since then and I just want to say thank you to mama Adewus. Check out @chefadewus on Instagram for your food inspirations.
7. I am currently learning a language and an instrument.
8. I am the first of 4 children. Being the oldest fills me with pride but Omo e be tins.
9. My last name is NOT Adewusi.
10. As I get older, my appetite and ambition continue to increase. I want more out of life and I work harder.
11. I give the best surprises. Ask about me. BUT I kinda hate surprises. 
With surprises, because of how much work I put into making sure I give the best ones, I think my standards
12. I lost 54lbs and I decided on March 16th, to absolutely change my physical and mental health and well-being. It’s coming up a year and I’m excited to transfer my disciple, dedication and grit to other areas of my life. Finances, coming for you next!
13. I really love writing as you can imagine – people call me The Wordsmith but I now hate reading! Actually I don’t hate it, I just don’t know if I have time daily to read anymore. I’m going to try to read more this year.
14. I love flowers. I typically get them every couple of weeks but I realize that the flowers are simply a symbol of my self love towards myself. Don’t get me wrong a bubble bath and getting your nails done is not the true meaning of self love but the physical can impact the emotional/spiritual. I love walking into my home with fresh flowers, with gel on my fingernails, with lavender in the air, with smooth jazz as my clouds. I love giving Sanmi his flowers, because he deserves all of them.
15. I schedule cry sessions. I feel a lot when it comes to the world. Empath some people say and sometimes the weight of the world can be too much. So I find time to cry and let it out. Gospel music is the surest vehicle to tears. I don’t even be trying half the time. I’m just here trying to praise God and next thing – wennnnnnnn.
16. I’m scared of my parents aging. My father turns 70 this year and I am trying to capture every moment with him and my mom. I know God will bless both with long life but damn. Do they really gotta get grey? Fucking biology.
17. I hate people gossiping about me. Even if it’s positive. Something about it always feels off but I guess it should come with the territory. Because there are times when I find myself sharing positive things about people I know. A few years ago, I decided that I wanted to change many things about my life and one of them was gossiping. It’s so easy to get caught in it.
You’re with your guys/gals and someone’s name comes up. It feels harmless to just talk about them. A few words shouldn’t hurt but it can definitely cause harm. More often than not, we are sharing things that we cannot say in front of them, so I have chosen to be different.
18. I do not typically dream when I sleep. I realize that if you have been following me for a while, there are some things here that you may have read before.
but yes, I rarely have dreams.
19. I love the sky. Like a lot.I love pictures of the sun. Sunrises or sunsets. Even random pictures of the sky just warm my heart. Forget God in the heavens for a sec (never forget God o) but I love the sky because it signals hope. I remember growing up either staying at my grandparents or at my uncle’s and aunt’s – when I missed my parents or my family, I would just look up into the sky. Sometimes in the star filled night and rest easy on the promise that the sun always rises in the morning to brighten up the sky.
20. There is nothing I set my mind to that I cannot achieve – NOTHING. I think it is the fear of failure or the need to never get complacent. I usually find myself tigerishly chasing after new goals. There is something about reminding your mind and body that you got this. 
I love how sometimes my friends tell me that it actually inspires them to chase their own dreams and goals. That is the world I want to live in continuously – so what am I looking to conquer next? 
Mastery of a language, playing an instrument and maybe building out another stream of income. 
Read my report at the end of 2023 and see how far I go.
21. I can start a conversation with anyone about almost anything. I am sure I picked this up from my dad. I used to watch him go to the dealership or the airport and just strike up a conversation with anyone! 
Frankly as a child, it kind of annoyed me but I see the value in it now. Especially because it happens so naturally, I never find myself begging for the conversation but if it we want to talk about stars or animals or the upcoming elections in Nigeria, I find myself capable of having those conversations. And truthfully, I like that about myself. 
I also think it’s because I remain curious about the world. I am always reading articles and trying to learn more about the world. My travels also help a bit as I always find myself learning from people and picking up new things.
22. I’m unlearning hardship and choosing ease. 
For those of us that grew up in Nigeria or in other parts of the world and with less than, there was a way we were taught to view the world. You had to grind for everything and not take the things you had for granted. 
I agree and believe that is the right way to navigate the world but I also believe that it sometimes forms a dependency on hardship and it can be hard to unlearn. 
Because of that upbringing, we hold on to hard situations and things that make us grind for happiness. I am looking to unlearn that – especially in 2023 and beyond. We strive for ease.
23. I really love traveling – growing up, I would watch my father as he watched Discovery Channel or the History Channel. He still loves documentaries so much. 
Somehow, it opened my eyes to the vastness of the world. Every time I travel, I realize how much of the world I have not seen and how small I am in it but also how big my impact can be. 
If you can travel, do it. 
Doesn’t have to be far countries or complex trips – start by exploring your own city and then state, then your country and others around it that you can drive to. You’ll begin to find that you make up a great big world and people are waiting to meet you.
24. I have the worst motion sickness. I had to put this one here right after the travel one because as much as I love traveling, I HATE the motion sickness I get. 
It is also why I don’t do rollercoasters. I am thankful for Dramamine. I can’t remember where or when I discovered it but it has changed how I travel and ride in cars. If you had bad motion sickness, you should check it out and see if it works for you. 
https://www.dramamine.com/products/motion-sickness-medicine/dramamine-non-drowsy
25. I struggle with letting people love on me.
In therapy – working on it. Even this birthday, I struggled with letting people do nice things for me. 
It always makes me feel bad that I can sometimes feel emotionally closed off but I want to be better and let people give the love I give to them back to me.
26. Kindness over everything. 
I believe that kindness should be the most important trait when dealing with people. I don’t think there is enough of it going around the world. 
One goal of mine this year is to show a bit more kindness in every space I occupy.
27. My favorite word as I get older is IMPACT. If you know me well enough, you’ll know that it drives everything I do and want to do. Are you being impactful in the spaces you occupy?
28. My favorite meal of all time is spaghetti with my pasta sauce and meatballs. Don’t ask me why but I also like to boil some plantain and an egg in that joint. Tastes heavenly – you should have me make it for you at some point.
29. I am learning that my depression and mental health challenges don’t make me less of an amazing person.
30. I really enjoy reading all your comments when I post blogposts. You may not know it but on those dark days, I pull up your comments and sometimes read them, in a way, my art makes me feel seen and I thankful that it resonates with you all. So please never stop commenting and sharing, I appreciate it.
31. I have incredible music taste. You’ll catch me listening to Neo soul and then rap, then UK rap, then acrobats, then jazz – all of them dey and I love it.
32. I am grateful for everything I am and everything I have and what is to come. Simple.

Please comment, retweet and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

WordsOfWednesday

© 2023 #WhatTheHeckMan