Sitting in Lagos, Nigeria over the holiday period, I kept asking myself, how bad do you want it? 
While everybody picks a word or picks a guiding principle to explore the year or to navigate their year – you have people saying, “this is my year of glory”, “this is my year of joy”, “this is my year of favor”, upliftment and things like that. That and more can and will be true in Jesus’ name. 
But at the same time, I can’t help but get the understanding or the revelation of the concept of how bad do you want it.

You see, there are certain things that are ascribed to us by just being children of God. There’s another tier of things that are being given to us by being diligently serving children of God. And then there are certain things that are given to us by being actively serving, improving, being impacting and fruit-bearing children of God.

So you see, at the end of the day, there are certain things that God will give you for just being present. And then there are certain things that God will give you for the work and in showing that your life is of reverence to him. 
And what do I mean by that? I’ll give you an example.

In this piece, I’ll try to use as many examples as much as possible as I reflect on even some of the previous things from 2024. A good example is living in the same zip code or in the same, like, cal-de-sac of a former president, right? 
Let’s use the great Joe Biden as an example, right? 
For those of you, I hope none of the people that are reading my content every week are people that voted for the felon that’s in power right now. But if you guys remember that frail old man that tried to keep our democracy and make sure we didn’t lose our minds, imagine living on his street in Delaware, where his family home is based.

Now, let’s just assume that in the last four years while he was president and he was in the White House, you happen to buy a home on that street or in the adjacent street. Now, he now finishes his tenure as president and returns back to his home, obviously this time around. He has the Secret Service monitoring his area, there’s always light because even though he’s not directly in power, he still influences national and global security.

So they put more effort and emphasis in making sure that he’s safe. Now you, who owns a home on that same street or two streets down, you kind of get the protection of having so much focus on his safety. So by virtue of it, sometimes when you’re driving down your street, there might be cars parked, there might be secret agents even living around the area, just making sure that everybody’s being safe.

That is what I meant by the first layer of by just existing in that space, you’re benefiting. Now imagine if you and one of his grandkids were friends. And you are welcomed into their home, you would need to get vetted and go through security checks. Now there are extensions of things that would come from being that close and building the relationship with his grandchild. Maybe you’re the grandchild’s best friend, for example, right? You’re helping them grow.
You’re pouring into them. Naturally, your status continues to grow and the likelihood of you getting blessings or gifts from that relationship becomes higher. And for many of us, the goal is to get to a point where we are actively serving, improving our lives and the greater rewards that come from that.

But the truth is for a lot of people, you’re just okay with okay. So while you pick your great words for the year, and they’re all important, you know, this is the year of breakthrough, joy, favor, upliftment, everything. This is also the season that I want you to start thinking, how bad do you want it? People, it’s very easy to post things like, this is the year that my life will change forever.
You know, “I just feel something great about this year”, but how bad do you want it? 
How willing are you to give up the things that won’t get you there, for the things that will most likely get you there? 
As I review my life today in terms of where I am, I feel gratitude and, you know and pride that by the grace of God, I have some of the things that I have. And I was telling someone recently that when I speak on some of the things that I have, I don’t even mean them to be material things. Sometimes it’s knowledge, lived experiences and the grace to have some out on the other side.

Sometimes it’s a friend talking to me about an issue, and I had experienced it before or I know someone who has experienced it. One of the things that I think our parents love about growing up or becoming older is they have more in their bank.
And that bank could be a few different things. It could be emotionally, it could be financially, it could be socially. They have a little bit more to give to the people that they love and care about.
I was thanking God for that recently and it got me thinking, there’s so many sacrifices that I had to make to get to that point. I’ll share something with you all.

2024 was a big year. I moved to Austin. As a matter of fact, it’s been pretty big since 2023, I would say.
But 2024, if you put it in a time frame, it’s probably the most impactful window I’ve had in my life since 2017. 
2017, I finished my MBA, I started preparing to move into tech. I had surgery, traveled the world, started traveling the world consistently.
I kind of caught the bug that I have now. So if you see me, you know, around the world, just know it started from that window. 
The point I’m trying to make is, as 2025 is starting, I have big goals again.

For personal things that I want to achieve, impactful things that I want to do. And I’ll just put transparently and share that with all of you – I’ve been saving.
Trying to save hard, trying to save a lot for certain things, right? 
It’s been hard. I’ve had to look at myself. 
I remember talking to my closest friends, trying to make decisions like “if I take this much out of my paycheck, would I still be able to survive?”
 Would I still be able to do all the things that I normally do? Support my friends, this, that, and the third.

And I had to finally just stop myself and have a conversation and say, look, just do it. You’re not going to die. It might be hard, but you’ve done hard things before.
And that is something I want to leave you all with as you go into this year. 

You are capable of doing the hard things. 

You’re capable of not calling that person.
You’re capable of eating right. You’re capable of saying good things about yourself, your body, your heart. You’re capable of not being walked over by your family.
You’re capable of exploring your dreams. You’re capable of posting that thing that everybody else thinks is cringe. 
You are capable, and you can do hard things.

So as I’ve started the year challenging myself, pushing myself to try and do these hard things, I feel, even with the knowledge of the things that I’ve done, and the fact that I know I have confidence in the fact that I can do hard things, I still feel the pinch. But every single time I want to doubt myself, I ask myself that question again, how bad do you want it? Do you want to look back at the end of 2025 or in the middle of 2025 and say, yes, I did that thing again? 
I did, I achieved that. I want you to ask yourself that question and answer honestly.

And in line with that, I’m going to use an analogy before we go into the breakdown of each area that I want to review from 2024. I’m going to give you the analogy of something that is very familiar to all of us. For some of you, you’re reading this blog post on your phone.
For some of you, you’re reading it on your laptop, in your bed. If you’re like my best friend, you’re reading this under the covers, in the dark, because she acts like a psychopath sometimes. But you are reading and I appreciate it.
So thank you for being here. Hopefully you drop a comment. It’s been a while since people dropped comments.

A lot of people send me DMs or reply me or text me in conversations that they like the blog post. 
If you’re reading this, actually, and you read diligently but don’t comment, can you please tell me why? Is it that the functionality on mobile doesn’t make it easy to comment? Or is it that you just have to enter your email? Or what is the deterrent? Because I kid you not. A lot of people will text me and be like, “oh my God, I enjoyed reading that. You’re such a great writer.”
 But I would love to see it on the blog so more people can be motivated to comment. I digress sha.

Soooo you are probably holding your phone or your device, reading this in your bed, on your couch. And very close to you is a pile of laundry that you have not folded. Yes, I’m calling you out.
Yes, nobody has come to your house all week or come in your room. So nobody can check you to fold them or put them away. But you know they’re there.

And this is how the analogy goes. And how I want you to think about this. We do laundry because we know that there’s work to be done.
The laundry is the cleaning out. It’s the refresh, right? We know we need to do it to stay in the game, to move ahead, and things like that. But then you do the laundry and you put the pile of clothes sitting in the corner, maybe on the side of the bed.

Or you put it on one side, you don’t want to fold it. And when nighttime comes, you shift it to the other side because you need to go to sleep. Yes, I see you.

This is a safe space. And then you need to go out. 
You have events, you have work.

So you start picking from the clothes, right, from the bed or from the couch or directly from the dryer. You start picking from the clothes. And then about a couple days goes by and all of a sudden the clothes are so little that now you actually have to take them out and sort them and then do laundry again.

For a lot of us, that process is working out. Oh, you work out for a little bit, your body gets right, then you stop because you have a trip coming. So you go on a trip and then you don’t get back in the gym again until the next time a trip is coming.

Your birthday is coming, your wedding or a wedding is coming and you want to look good. So you go back and do what? You start picking from it, you start doing, and you “do laundry again” and do the work again, right? But then what happens when you get into a system where as soon as the dishes are used, I wash them or as soon as the clothes are washed or dried, I fold them. 
That is the place of mastery you want to get to.

The ability to do the hard things effectively and quickly because you know that you don’t need to wait till there’s another need or opportunity for you to get ready, to be ready. So, no, if you don’t want to wait till you have a big buy to start saving again, what about saving ahead of time? 
What about diligently putting money in your Roth IRA? 
What about diligently adding to your 401k? 
What about diligently adding a little bit to the investment fund that you want to build? 
We need to do and focus on doing the hard things this year and beyond. So I challenge you and I tell you that you can do hard things as much as it might not seem clear all the time, being able to do hard things leads to joyful things, to easy things.

And with that said, there’s still a lot of knowledge to share with you all. I know I’ve talked for a little bit, but let’s get into reviewing 2024. It was a fantastic year on all fronts.

FAITH

Spiritually, it is amazing how some of the unassuming conversations can provide insight into who you are, where you are and where you’re going.

I had a conversation with a dear friend last week about our faith and somewhat about ensuring that we don’t get comfortable with certain flaws or sins. The person asked me that, were there certain things that I just didn’t think that I needed to work on because I had just accepted them as part of who I am? And for you and I, that could be sexual immorality, that could be anger, that could be depression, that could be self-sabotage, whatever the case may be. Oftentimes, in this new era and age of accepting and loving ourselves for who we are, we almost allow ourselves to just accept anything and that we are not as strong or able to withstand certain things.

I resist that. I think it’s important to give yourself grace for who you are and how you evolve. But I think more than that, it is incredibly important that you do not allow yourself to become okay with not the best version of who you can be.

So 2024, faith-wise, was different. I truly appreciated the opportunity to be alone in my home, to share community and commune with God one-on-one in the privacy of my home without worrying about being too loud or if anybody could see me. But at the same time, I also realized that I didn’t pray in my home altar as much as I would like.

I had initially dedicated an area to be my war room, but I realized that I didn’t pray in there as much. Now, that’s not to say I didn’t pray at all, but I definitely didn’t use that space as much as I would have liked to. Faith was also weird in general all year.
I went to church less while I tried to find a new church in Austin. I found one and then I also was trying to be balanced in my approach to selecting a home church, not just one where I had friends or one where I knew people or one where I could go in and join the choir. I wanted somewhere that I truly felt a pull and also a calling to be in.

And after 30 plus years of being a pastor’s kid, I genuinely felt fatigued and I just wanted to just be in God’s presence, show up, praise him, worship, try to live right, but not over commit to anything. And that is one of the things that I want to speak on while I work on this review.
It is very, very easy to get comfortable not working particular muscles.

So when it comes to service, when it comes to fellowship, I definitely feel like I lost an edge on the momentum I had from 2023 because I wasn’t in the space as much. I wasn’t obsessively in service to God. So it is something I want to encourage you this year, join that Bible study group, read that chapter of your Bible, even if you’re not consistent, even if you dropped on your Bible plan streak, like I continue to do, just add a little bit extra because it definitely will serve you in the long run more than you would recognize in the now.

That being said, God showed up in immense ways. I felt like I was able to be more honest with God. In some cases, I questioned God.

I have been battling with something medically for a few years and there are certain times where I just sit there and I’m just like, God, why? And finding comfort in the fact that he’s a repeater of miracles has been something that has kept me going and I definitely feel like will continue to push me further. So this year, I definitely want to get back into the full swing of things, make myself more vulnerable to the journey of faith, the depths of where it can take you to and the highs that it can exalt you to. I want to feel like I have a direct line to God about everything.

I saw a meme recently that said, make it a habit to consult God, even before the smallest decisions. And I want to get to that place in my life. I know it’s not just by saying it, I know it’s by action, it’s by actively committing to it.

So that is where I want to see myself more in 2025, in that community with God. 

2024 Expected Score: A
2024 Final Score: C-
2025 Expected Score: B

FITNESS

I really enjoyed fitness in 2024, similar to 2023.

And I believe this is epitomized by an exchange that I had with someone random earlier in 2025.
It was a random Sunday, I was walking through the farmer’s market when I observed this woman that I have seen at my gym pretty frequently.
We’ve never spoken to each other.

Matter of fact, I think I noticed that she noticed me and she probably noticed that I noticed her, but we just never had a reason to speak. And I was doing my local weekly shopping when she noticed me and I noticed her. 
We walked over and chatted real quick.

And she was like, “hi, gym friend”. And she proceeded to chat with me for a bit.
Halfway through the conversation, she mentioned, she was like, “oh, you always look like you know what you’re doing at the gym”.

And in that line lies what I believe to be my progress in 2024 when it comes to fitness. And the testament is not highlighted by the random weekend where I thought I had put on 15 pounds because I was using a cheap scale. It was encapsulated by the fact that I do feel like I’m making progress around the gym.

I do feel like I know my way around. I do feel like you know, when I go into a week, I know how to take care of my body and how to, manage my workouts to get the best out of myself.
And not just out of fitness.

I think that with it connected to the understanding of fitness and health and wellness, I’ve been able to understand that more. Now, I feel like I would also have a lot more runway if my health, particularly my insides and my knee, didn’t bother me as much. But I do find myself able to push myself more.

I’ve been able to understand what growing my muscles look like. I’ve been able to understand how joy factors in to my progress. So yeah, it’s been a great year so far.

But I’m looking forward to more in this coming year. And I’ve said it to myself that 2025 genuinely is the year that I fully, fully change my body. Not just for a period of time, not just for a few weeks on end.
This is the year that everybody sees the behind the scenes progress and work that has been going into who I am and how I show up.

2024 Expected Score: A++
2024 Final Score: B-
2025 Expected Score: A

CREATIVITY

It’s very weird to say this because when you look at my total follower count on Instagram and on TikTok, you’ll probably be able to point to the fact that I now have many thousands of followers. But I truly believe that my creativity might have suffered in 2024.

I think a combination of settling into a new city, finding my footing, sometimes just being alone with myself. I don’t think I expressed myself as much as I would have liked to through my writing. And by the grace of God, there was another edition of Ijinle in Dallas in late 2024.

I look forward to more in 2025. But when it comes to writing or creating, I just certainly don’t feel like I did as much as I would have liked to. And sometimes that’s okay.

Sometimes that’s okay to have a year off or a few months off, whatever the case might be. I will say though, that I was very glad to have unlocked different tools to aid my creativity. For example, I use TurboScribe AI to transcribe my voice memos of ideas that I’ve written down.

I also use Podcastle AI to edit the sound and videos to make them more crisp in videos. So yeah, there are a few things and mediums that I’ve pleasantly unlocked and hopefully can work on more in 2025. One thing I’m determined to do more of is posting the content that’s already in my phone this year.

I think a lot of times I hoard things. So as you’ve seen with the start of the year with my trip to Belize, I am doing less of the hoarding and more of the pushing out content, even if it’s not perfect, so I can do what I will do. So more to come in 2025.

I hope you and yours stay close enough to witness it all, but very excited for what the year holds and what creativity I will be able to share with you all in the world today. 

2024 Expected Score: B+
2024 Final Score: D
2025 Expected Score: B

FINANCES

No Billionaire Status, But We Move

2024 was a different kind of expensive year, not in the sense of wasted money or big things, although buying a new car and moving halfway across the country is certainly not light work.

But I will say it was a good year all around. I think that I was able to sensibly manage a lot of things and manage a lot of things within my finances. And I’ll tell you this.

One of the ways that I realized that I had a great 2024 when it came to finances was how I was able to enter into 2025. So I had more aggressive saving goals.

As of today I am 65% towards my target goal for the year, which tells you a lot about how I was able to enter into this year. So I came into this year with the luxury of being able to be more aggressive around my saving, around my finances and things like that. And it’s been very refreshing to experience, you know, not coming into a year with chaos and nerves and concern.

There are some areas of improvement. I will definitely admit, I think there were certain pockets where I probably should have done things a little bit different to arrive at different outcomes. For example, you know, using a particular card over another to get better rewards and things like that.

I’m getting more in tune with that. Also investing more in the sort of areas that would help grow my finances. So, you know, my wealth savings, my high yield savings accounts, my Roth IRA, knowing my investment portions for my 401k and things like that.

I want to be able to give my wife and kids, the financial footing that they deserve. So, yeah, I think I’m very grateful for how I came into 2025.

And I’m very excited about where things are going to go in the future because I feel very good about the state of things. I do not feel obligated. Oh, another thing I will say when it comes to finances is historically, I always felt like I needed to do more.

Like I needed to spend more. I needed to use that as a way not necessarily as a way to show my love, but more so I felt because I had it, I needed to like use it to care for the people I cared about. And I think that is a trap that a lot of us can fall into because, you know, it’s important to be balanced in your approach when it comes to that.

But two, reciprocity is also a really big thing. You are not going to always have what you have if you keep spending it all the time on everyone. And that does not mean that I don’t think that you should be, you know, that doesn’t mean I don’t think you should care about your people, if that makes sense.

But I don’t think that we should, just keep spending on everyone, like people coming to you, always asking you for stuff, like that does not mean that you shouldn’t give and doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t care. But at the same time, we need to be balanced in our approach and making sure that you always have your future, you always have your present self and your future self accounted for and taken care of. So in 2025, I look forward to saving more, planning better with my travel so I can spend less on travel, and making time to show love and support to the people that I care about.

2024 Expected Score: B+
2024 Final Score: B+
2025 Expected Score: A

Relationships.

I’m starting to think romantic relationships are not something for me. By the number of people that have questioned my sexuality or the difficulty in finding people that will love you the way you want to be loved, I’m starting to think that romantic relationships are not for me. LOL nah I’m joking. See how that got your eyes all big and concerned? Gbeborun.
Relationships were interesting in 2024, for various reasons.
I think moving to a new city, forced me to have more intentional behaviors around keeping in touch, whether that was like sending a picture to my friends when I see something funny or responding to memes or Facetiming randomly, or even leaving messages now. I actually leave messages now.

Considering that I live far away, further away, I don’t see my friends as often. I was able to still stay connected to a lot of people. 2024 was also a great year because I got to see some friends that I hadn’t seen in a long time or meet people that I never thought that I would meet.

So I really enjoyed that perspective. But then it also brought some deep self-reflection, understanding the depths of my mistrust of people, my emotional fatigue in terms of feeling like I give more in relationships than other people. It helped me, living by myself and away from my tribe, if you call it that, helped me understand more closely what my everyday would look like as a single or married man.

And one thing that it challenged me to do was evaluate each relationship more closely. A big thing I really thank God for when it comes to relationships in 2024 is courage. The courage to say how I feel, the courage to act on how I feel, the courage to hold the line and hold people accountable.

I found that previously I would just be quiet because I felt like it was the right thing to do and because I didn’t want to appear to be too much. But in reality, I find that I give so much of myself to people romantically or platonically, and I don’t always feel like I get that back in return. Now, platonically, one area that I definitely allow things on is I never feel like the checks for a platonic relationship are to be cashed immediately.

In many cases, if you’re going to spend years being friends with someone, odds are the scale is not always going to be balanced. There are periods in my life so far where I have been less of the best friend, and there have also been periods in my life where I feel like I’ve given more. In platonic relationships, what you just want is when it’s all said and done, when it’s all evaluated and the sum of it is being considered, you feel like you and the person have given enough of yourself.

You hope that you and your friend have given enough of yourselves to each other in ways that you both recognize and value. But in romantic relationships, I’ve come to realize that what you don’t speak on, you tolerate. What you’re silent about, you accept.

In many cases, that just builds resentment because you get frustrated, and this other person is just living their good ol’ life, not knowing that something is missing. I find that I’m afraid of speaking on my demands in terms of romantic relationships because I never want to seem too much, but I also never want to seem disappointed. This is where I really want to thank my friends around the world.

Some of them I will name drop here, but Itafe, Ninz, Peju, Nnena, Dayo. I’m really thankful for the people that remind me of who I am, sometimes even in just passing conversations. But I also thank them for the direct reminders that, no, this is who you are, this is what you should expect, this is the line you should hold for you and for your joy.

So in 2024, we put a little bit of effort into trying to understand who we were when it comes to relationships. But at the same time, I want to be better in 2025. I want to be more patient.
I want to be more expressive. One area that I find that I’m continuing to struggle with in general is just answering questions. I think because I am a chronic mind my business type of person, I always find it amusing and sometimes intrusive when people just ask me random things about my life.

I’m always like, look, I let you guys have your life. I don’t ask you questions. Why are you bothering me about mine? But I’ve now come to find that I should just allow myself to be more open in that what is the worst that could happen.

I know that my upbringing also plays a factor because I grew up with a mom and dad who believe that your family are best friends and it’s important to keep your family matters and yourself private as much as you can because the world truly does not really care about you like that. But my demands, my expectations are higher in 2025. I truthfully wanted to start the year in isolation from every relationship and every friendship.

But the truth is, no one is an island. That’s for starters. And two, no one is an island.

Two, we all need people. But three, it is important that you envision the life that you want for yourself, work hard towards it. But at the same time, do not drop your standards because of loneliness.

Nnenna called it out this year and said, I don’t like being alone. And the truth is, I like having people around me, but it cannot be at the expense of my current happiness or my future happiness. One area in relationships that I need to do much, much better is telling myself the honest truth and accepting it early. Sometimes I tell myself the truth but I lie into denying myself from accepting the truth.

The hope is what has killed me in so many situations because I keep thinking things would get better. I keep thinking that people will change. I keep thinking that people will try to love like I do.

But the truth of the matter is, not everyone is you. And for better or worse, you need situations and to be with people that are as motivated and as committed to your happiness as you are. No one will ever embody all of what you want for your happiness better than you.

You are the best person to be the driver for your own truth and your own happiness long-term. But at the same time, it is best and life is so much easier when you are driving down this highway of life with someone who understands you, understands the pace, understands the direction you’re going in, and is committed to the journey as much as you are. Another thing that I’ve learned when it comes to relationships through 2024 is that you make sure you are bound and bound with people based on the shared values that you have.

In this instance, shared values around work, around hard work, around commitments, around family. It is important that you align yourself with someone who sees those same pictures and wants those same things as you. Because if that person is committed to self-growth and self-awareness and improvement as you are, the hope is that they are challenging themselves in ways that you are as well.

For example, I just spoke about how I would like to be more measured in my reactions to things, my temper about things, being less upset about things. Imagine being with someone who just thinks that they just have to show up, and they don’t have to do any work. That does not present a joyful pairing, if anything, is going to lead to resentment.

Because ultimately what happens is if you stop improving, you start regressing when it comes to relationships and when it comes to self-improvement. So it is important that you are with someone who is as bought in to that vision as you and able to continue working at those things like you are. Because what ultimately happens is you want to be able to look to your left, to your right, and see them close enough with you on that journey versus you being so far ahead or so far gone on certain things, and they’re so far away from you.

Relationship-wise, 2024 was challenging. I definitely had many tearful nights. I definitely had to cut things off or cut people off.
I definitely had to have very honest conversations with myself. I went to God many times in tears. But like I said last year that I wanted to be more honest with myself and I want to do life with people who truly do it.

I want more of that in 2025. I don’t want people who see me as someone just to make the life they want easier. I want to be with someone who is biased towards action, not ideation.

I want people who come into your life and see and try to find pockets where there can be value adds versus, oh, wow, you have done so much work to better and improve your life – let me just pair myself with you and enjoy from that. And that’s not always an intentional thought.

That’s not always a selfish thought. But naturally, it comes from self-preservation. We want to preserve ourselves and our happiness that we come into situations with people and we look at the landscape and say to ourselves, wow, this is so nice.

Oftentimes when people go into a “this is so nice space”, there’s never a challenge or a need to make that space better. The best example I can give you is going on a hike and ending up at a great viewpoint, let’s say a little meadow. You see the flowers, everything looks perfect.

No one in that moment ever after enjoying the view, right, and appreciating the view, no one says, “hmm, how do I make sure that this landscape stays like this?” Or “how do I make sure that the trash gets picked up? Or how do I help out?”
That is human nature. We’re so focused on enjoying what we’ve been able to observe that we don’t always come in with the intention of aggressively improving something. And I think that finding someone who loves you and is as committed to you is the type of person that comes into that space and makes you feel better about life.

In 2025, I pray friends that are transparent. I pray people who don’t have to communicate through passive aggression or tantrums or being moody. I pray people who are actionable in their love and not waiting for the right moment or for the right thing to be.

I pray people who are quick to apologize for their wrongdoings. I pray people who understand that life and love require intentional and hard work. Yeah, and I pray a lot of laughter because I deserve it all.

2024 Expected Score: B+
2024 Final Score: D
2025 Expected Score: B+

I’m super excited for 2025 – it’s already started off pretty well.
Hard decisions have been made but I think I am working on the right path towards the full life that I want. There are still tougher conversations I need to have – with myself and others but for now, we are okay.

If you haven’t already, please check out my links to my playlists and SAVE + SHARE them!

Thank you so much and here’s to an amazing year!

Confusion, pain, a bit of sadness and there I stood just wondering “how did we get here?” 

It felt inevitable but at the same time I didn’t expect this day to come so soon. I could feel a sinking feeling in my stomach. I really wanted answers so I looked even closer, staring at myself in the mirror.

Had it to come to this?

All alone in that room, I dug deeper, tilting my head to the right I bent, trying to find a sign that I was wrong, but I wasn’t. despite years of putting it off, it was time.

I officially discovered my first gray hair 11 days before my 34th birthday.

So with that hair 34 random things about me enjoy on the very first Sanmi Saturdays of 2025. Come back next Wednesday for my annual review of 2024. where I breakdown how my life was in key areas, professionally spiritually financially, emotionally and more.

But for now, happy birthday to me and here is my gift to all of the people that read and support my content. Enjoy and please leave me a comment if you like this. Talk soon.

1. I love Arlette’s Pop the Ballon or Find Love Show. Yes, I said it! I truly think it is one of the best social experiments out there just observing how people interact and choose partners. If you are already in a safe and loving relationship, hold your person o. Nothing day streets and everyone is mad. I mean someone popped one time because the person wore a color that their ex liked and that was their reason. I swear, just work it out. Lol.
2. I love a quiet evening indoors – a nice flavored gummy and watching a documentary. 
3. I love helping the people I care about, either to think through things or just sorting through ideas. 
4. I STILL struggle to talk about myself – sometimes I feel like it’s helpful, other times I feel like it just reawakens the things that stress you out and I feel strongly that not enough people truly care deeply enough to help change your life. 
5. If I am not flying business class or first, I need to be sitting in a C seat on a flight, so I can extend my leg j to the aisle during the flight. Although sometimes the drink carts run into my elbows while I am dead asleep on an flight.
6. The artists I’m currently obsessed with are Llona, Timmie, Syntax – The Creator, Serotonin and you know my gospel playlist has all my faves.
7. I think dinner and a movie is a stupid plan. I end up sleepy. Well I fall asleep at the movies anyway BUT we should watch the movie and then talk over dinner. That’s a more sensible plan to me.
8. Some people, friends and partners like to call me a “teddy bear” and I actually really hate that nickname. It makes me feel like I must be fat or too fluffy and I hate it but people do it so freely. 
9. A few years ago, I randomly started being really afraid of forgetting a metal item in the microwave and turning it on. It really scares me and makes me nervous about using the microwave but I keep praying that nothing ever happens. 
10. The most spontaneous thing I’ve ever done – I was in a long distance relationship and we were missing each other, we happened to be on Facetime and I said, “do you want to come and visit tomorrow through the weekend?”. She lived in another state at the time. Less than 24hrs later, we were watching a movie and cuddling in bed. 
11. Sink or Swim by Jacob Banks would probably be my life soundtrack. You have a choice when you are thrown in to sink or swim towards the greatness that lives within you. 
12. I think people misunderstand my approach to realism on certain issues. I don’t like lying to myself, I do it but I don’t like it and because of that, on some issues I just tell it like it is and sometimes people feel I’m being detached but it’s the truth.
    Now understand this, you can tell the truth and such without being a jerk or whatever but try to live your truth fully. 
13. A whiskey sour is probably the drink that describes me best – it’s sweet enough, tangy and tart plus it can take it there if you need it to and you know I’m about that life. 
14. One random day a few years ago, I wanted to order dominos and the offered me a deal, a free pizza with my food – I wanted the pasta bread bowl (look it up) and I also had to get the wings. BUT I didn’t want to eat wings alone, so I had to drink garri. Ultimately, it ended up being garri + wings, the pasta bread bowl and I had the pizza which I dipped in Strawberry yogurt because I don’t like ranch like that. So yeah, that happened and do not judge me. Yes, I have ordered that same combo a few more times since then. 
15. The visually most beautiful place I have ever visited has to be Cape Town or maybe the Sahara Desert but it was so hot, I am not sure I am going back anytime soon. The Grand Canyon definitely gets a good shout as well. 
16. I could literally eat spaghetti with my sauce and peppered turkey every single day and never get tired of it.
17. I turn almost anything into a song. Is it annoying sometimes? Yes. Will I stop? Nope!
18. Getting my MBA when I did changed my life. I remember at the time I was dating someone and she told me that I shouldn’t go back to school at that time. That it would be wrong to get my MBA then, I did it anyway. My life has never been the same.
    follow your heart. 
19. The best professional advice I ever received was “make sure you are running towards something and not away from something”. Unless they are abusing you at your current job, make sure you are running to a challenge that improves you and not because you think the grass is greener elsewhere. 
20. You would almost always catch me wearing a beanie. I just love them and how they can upgrade an outfit or something super casual plus they keep my head warm. 
21. Arguably the best meal I have ever had was Cinnamon Indian Tapas Bar in Portugal. The food was amazing and I think just having Indian Food in the randomest place and it banging was everything that I needed and more. 
22. I believe that a lot of people hide behind the word “feelings”. The moment people drop that, they expect that all accountability will be avoided and I cannot stand it. 
23. Once I put on a coat, I feel unstoppable! Like I am a hedge fund owner that flies private between New York and Basel. So classy. 
24. The most expensive (or ridiculous) thing I’ve ever bought – my bachelors degree. Fuck you, US Education system that saddles its citizens with debt to even make something of yourself. 
25. If I had to wear only one color for the rest of my life it would be black but I bet you already knew that. 
26. I don’t have a favorite movie anymore – it used to be the usual suspects but apparently Kevin Spacey is a weirdo, so I don’t like it anymore but it was such good movie. 
27. Honestly, I can’t think of one right now but the one for 2024 and beyond – Not Like Us. I CANNOT wait to watch Kendrick at the Super Bowl in a few weeks. Sorryyyy not sorry Drake fans. 
28. As much as I like Indomie, I don’t think I am good at making it. Well as good as I am making other things. And it’s annoying because I want to be good at it!
29. I almost always shop on sale and I like to shop during the off seasons of the outfits I want. I have enough clothes, I don’t need to be splurging on new fits. I would rather be in a different country wearing “old” clothes than having new clothes and being stuck at home. 
30. A song that no one can shame me for is Brown Sugar by Jide Chord. I love that song sooooo much! https://open.spotify.com/track/3JnxQ7tADrM6Oy0niayRlS?si=c1ec6757d894408e
31. The most ridiculous argument you’ve ever had – I had a woman once try to blame me for being with someone she knew (they are not friends) before her. I was just in awe because what???
32. My passport stays ready – If there’s a chance to travel, I’m in. Whether it’s a quick weekend in Chicago or a dream trip abroad, I’m always planning my next adventure.
33. A quote or mantra that keeps me going – “there is no fatigue felt on the day of victory.”
34. If you could give your younger self one piece of advice, what would it be?
    
    Dear Bobo,
    
    Breathe. Slow down and trust yourself more. You don’t have to have everything figured out right away—life will unfold in ways you can’t yet imagine.
    You’ll question your worth, path, and purpose, but hear this: you are more than enough. The setbacks? They’re just setups for something greater. The heartbreaks? They’ll teach you what real love should feel like. The doubts? They’ll make your victories even sweeter.
    Stay true to yourself. Protect your peace. Walk away from anything that makes you beg for the bare minimum. And most importantly, never dim your light to make others comfortable—your shine is meant to be seen.
    
    With love and wisdom,
    
    The You That Made It

Somebody asked me to do this, and I thought to myself, Why not start giving you all early blog posts for 2025? Considering that the year starts pretty early in the week, I wanted to kick things off with new blog posts right out of the gates.

If you’re reading this, I’ll probably post this on Instagram, too. If you know a web developer or designer who can help me, I would greatly appreciate it. I’ve been saying this for a few years now—preferably someone in Nigeria. I want to not only support meaningful work but also provide tangible income to someone there.

I really want to redo my website. I want it to feel like my apartment or my car—an environment that inspires and compels me to create. When I’m in a space I love, I feel more obligated and inclined to do the work. As it stands, I don’t love the interface of my blog. Even as I record this, I might change the layout before posting this.

So, yeah, I’ve been debating whether to write a post, but it feels only fair to close out 2024 with something meaningful. I’m not sure if this post will be entirely “fun,” but I’m going to share some thoughts with you all. I’ll probably organize them into three main pillars—or maybe four. Let’s start with three and see where we end up.

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1. You Can Do Hard Things

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned this year is that I can do hard things.

For a long time, because of the instability of how I grew up—or perhaps being at the mercy of economics—I sought comfort. Many of us do, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But I’ve realized I thrive when I create environments that are steady. However, that stability doesn’t always encourage you to challenge yourself.

This year, I discovered that not only can I do incredibly hard things, but I also have a community that supports, encourages, and cheers me on. I want you to know the same applies to you.

You can do hard things. Maybe 2024 wasn’t your best year. Maybe it was incredibly hard. But you can navigate challenges with grace, poise, and resilience, setting yourself up for a better future.

Hard things are rewarding. They remind you, like muscle memory, that you can do anything you set your mind to. For me, packing up my bags with my best friend and moving from California to Austin, Texas, was eye-opening.

Challenging myself—without a therapist for most of the year—to stick to the principles we worked on has been transformative. For instance, I used to have massive anxiety around big purchases, even when I had the money. My therapist helped me understand that this anxiety stemmed from childhood experiences of financial struggle. Knowing where these feelings came from allowed me to build systems to manage them.

For example, I now have a rainy-day fund, a health savings account, and a Roth IRA. I’ve realized that while I can’t control everything, I can do the work to manage what’s within my control.

You can do the same. No matter how tough 2024 was, you’ve made it this far. You have the resilience to face what’s next.

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2. Stop Making Excuses for People

I’ve learned that my tendency to cradle people’s feelings is deeply rooted in my own trauma. If you know me well, you might notice that when something’s wrong, I hesitate to express it immediately. I’m often trying to find the right time or words to avoid being harsh or disconnected.

But in doing so, I often prolong my own pain. While I’m losing sleep and crying, the other person might be entirely unaware—living their life, carefree.

Stop making excuses for people. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t forgive mistakes or expect perfection. But if you’re like me—someone who prioritizes others’ feelings and thoughts—surround yourself with people who do the same for you.

This isn’t a call to cut people off but rather to conduct an honest audit of your relationships. Where are you staying silent out of care, and where are you swallowing pain to preserve someone else’s happiness?

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3. Intentionality

Be intentional about everything.

One thing I’ve observed about the people I admire—whether they’re fitness enthusiasts, tech professionals, or lifestyle influencers—is that they’re deliberate about the elements of their lives. Success doesn’t happen by accident.

Write things down. Everything I wrote down this year—within reason—came to fruition in ways I couldn’t have imagined. Some of these goals were years old but finally came to pass because I was in the right season to harvest them.

God doesn’t make mistakes. He’s intentional, and you should be too. As you prepare for 2025, think about what you want for yourself—write it down, pray over it, and work towards it.

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4. Grace and Gratitude

I have so much more to give myself, but I don’t always extend grace to myself.

This year, I want to thank everyone who has shown me love and light. Those who’ve reminded me that I’m seen and appreciated—you mean more to me than you know.

I work hard for everything I have, but sometimes I forget to acknowledge that effort. So, to everyone who’s told me I’m trying, I’m great, or I’m working hard—thank you. Your encouragement fuels me.

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2024 was a foundational year for me. I set up systems, made big purchases, and planted seeds for the future. And in 2025, I’m excited to share more of my life—whether it’s food content, realizations, or honest conversations.

Vulnerability is my strength. It’s my truth. Sharing it with the world has inspired others, and I’m proud of that.

So, here’s to more growth, more realness, and more of me in 2025. Thank you for all the love and support.

Before the year ends, do me a favor: share my gospel playlists on Spotify. Let’s get them to 100 saves—they deserve it!

Remember, you’re amazing. You can do hard things. You’ll achieve great things, and I’ll be here cheering you on.

Until next time—stay up!

Stop Waiting for Mondays.

I think we have a tendency to pick times that others have determined to be the beginning of a journey, a beginning of a new chapter.
So every next week is the week that you start that thing.

We all have that thing, that one thing that you want to start, that you know as you’re reading this is at the top of your mind that you should start. It could be your fitness goals, it could be your business goals, it could be your career goals, it could be your even rest goals like me. Don’t wait for Mondays, don’t wait for the perfect moment, just start.

I say this because my manager recently called me out for not taking time off this year, and I thought to myself, why haven’t I?
Most of the time it’s because, “oh I want to go to a new country, or I want to go at a particular time where work is not crazy busy, or I want to go when I can see some of my friends”. And then I find that it never actually happens, because I spent so much time waiting for the perfect that I actually never get the chance to perfect.
So short word today, stop waiting for Mondays.

Embrace the New

Also, something I think is important is learning to allow yourself to embrace the new. And I’ll give you an example of what that means. I recently bought a new car, for those of you that are reading this on my blog, just act surprised when you see it on my reels or TikToks.

Sidebar: Please, as much as you can, write down the things that you want.
The things that you want God to do for you, the things that you want him to provide for you, write them down. They may not happen overnight, they may not happen for a while, but they will happen.

He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him, and he’s a repeater of miracles. So there’s nothing that you want God to do that he hasn’t done before. So write it down, pray on it, meditate on it, treasure it, protect it with your heart.

Don’t necessarily share it with everyone or people that are outside your circle, but it will come to pass, it will happen.
Since I bought this car, this car comes with a rear view parking assistant and a parking assistant button, where you press the button and it helps you park the car.

But, I found that I’m always still looking over my shoulder when I’m reversing this car to park it, and I got thinking to myself, what is it about the car that makes it so hard for me to trust the new?
This car is so many times better than my old car.
Every time I’ve parked and used the rear view camera on my very big dashboard, the car has parked itself perfectly.
So why do I continue to doubt and try to use my own naked eye to park the car? And it got me thinking, we’re so accustomed to not appreciating the new.

We are so comfortable in the old, which, don’t get me wrong, it protects you, familiarity protects you, it helps guide your intuition because when you’re familiar with something, when an unfamiliar happens, your alarms go off. But what happens when that hinders you from being able to enjoy the new? Every time this car is parked, there’s so much space on both sides, it is perfectly aligned. If I follow the mirror or the camera, it parks perfectly in the center.

Yet, I find that as I’m still adjusting to it, my eyes, my own human knowledge wants to influence. So, today, my word for you is appreciate the new. Whether it’s that new person that God has sent into your life to help you, to uplift you, whether it’s that new opportunity, whether it’s that new thing that you are trying to do, allow yourself to experience and enjoy the new.

You’ll be better for it, much better for it.
till we speak again,

stay up.

Comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

© 2024 #WhatTheHeckMan

Lately I’ve been thinking about the concept of bias. 
Where are we biased? If you spend enough time on Twitter or on social media in general, everybody seems to give off the impression that we’re all perfectly adjusted, self-aware people who know our blind spots and all the areas where we fall short or we can be biased for or against people or things.

I’ve come to find out as I continue exploring myself more that there are biases that I carry, sometimes I’m not even fully aware of them. 
And that’s the thing with biases. They’re often largely unconscious, rooted in different micro-aggressions, your background, your experiences and things like that.

For example, if you were scammed by someone of a particular nationality or race and you proceed to navigate the world with that lens of, feeling like you can’t trust that group of people and that becomes normal for you, people might look at you and say ah, you know, you’re negatively biased in that regard. But who’s to say that you, your truth is any less important because of how you arrived at said truth, right? So I’ve been thinking about that a lot.

For example, since I started working out in 2022, I have lost a lot of weight. And oftentimes I have to check myself whenever I look at people or see people who may or may not be at the beginning of their fitness journey. There’s a second, a microsecond where my brain almost goes,
“hmm, I did it so why can’t you?”

But then again, I find that that’s not my place to do that, right? I can’t determine where people are at in their journey or in their story and I have to check myself and check my biases because again, I can imagine when I started my fitness journey in 2022 or when I ballooned in 2020 that people were probably looking at me and saying why can’t you just, you know, get fitter? 
When in reality, you know, I had been nursing a bad knee for years where I stopped playing sports and wasn’t able to work out as much as I wanted to.

So it feeds into something I always say that kindness needs to be your currency of how you navigate the world. Kindness and understanding. Full stop.

An understanding of people and their experiences and knowing that you don’t know it all. When you come in contact with someone, you don’t know it all. And today, something got me thinking.

I was at the gym working out and someone just being super friendly came to talk to me. I typically don’t like people talking to me at the gym but this person came to talk to me and a part of me was initially almost irritated but then I thought to myself, you know, within seconds of the person talking to me, I was like, hmm, what if today was that person’s day? 
And what I mean by that is, let’s say everybody has prepared for a day, right?

A day, the first day you’re going to go to the gym, the first day you’re going to perform spoken word, the first day you’re going to go on a solo date or whatever the case is, right? 
And then they come in contact with you and you or I shun them or make them feel less than in that moment. That, you know, we always joke about people’s 13th reason but that could be the interaction that sets them on their way towards even greater success or that could be the interaction that pushes them back and takes away all of the work that they had done to get to that point.

So in all your interactions after you read this and going forward, lean on kindness. Let it be your default because you never know what stop you are on someone’s journey. Let it be a memorable one, a memorable for good.

Speaking on bias, I continue to find that I am biased towards action less than ideation. 
I think growing up with my grandparents, my grandpa was very principled. I won’t say strict because he had his moments but I would say he was a very principled and disciplined man.

And I found from observing him that there was a tendency for people to be afraid of offending him or afraid of disappointing him with the standards that he set or the standards that he had. And I find that when people grew up in those types of environments where they are criticized for their actions or their thoughts or creativity, they often spend a lot of time thinking. 
So you hear, “oh, I was gonna do that.”

I find that as I get older, wiser, more experienced, that I am just more appreciative of doers. People who just do.

Look, life is hard work. Anything you want is on the other side of hard work. Whether that is your life goals, your career goals, even your creativity, right?

Oftentimes, unless you’re born with like God-given talent, you can be Usain Bolt, but you still need to learn how to come out the blocks, right? Not false start. 
You can have the arms and legs of a Michael Phelps.
The agility, strength, determination of a Serena, but if you don’t know how to wield a racket properly, it won’t be anything, right? So life is about doing. And I find that for us to have the lives that we want, to enjoy the life that we want, we have to be doers more than we have to be thinkers.

Thinking is important and thinkers are essential to any society and environment. 
But ultimately, you want to spend most of your time actively doing something that you want. You might not be the best at it immediately.
You might not be the best at it for a long time, but you’re doing. So here’s my thing to all of you out there, whether it’s that content you want to post, whether it’s that, chapter you want to start, whether it’s that project, whether it’s that trip, do it. 
Just do it.

You’ll be better for it. And the world around you will thank you for it. 
Till we talk again, take care of yourself.

Be well and stay up. 

Wordsmith, Out!

It’s 7 p.m. Friday, it’s 95 degrees, I ain’t got no, and no, nigga ain’t got me.
Well it’s not actually 7 p.m. nor is it Friday.
It is 12:58 a.m. and this is fresh off the press.

Welcome ladies and gentlemen to this week’s edition of Words of Wednesday.
I’ve just returned home from one of the most relaxing vacations that I’ve ever been on and I just took a shower, took my night supplements, and I’m about to post this for you all.
This is hot off the press because I typically would have written this days or weeks in advance before editing and posting it.
Sometimes not editing, but you get the gist. But yeah, wanted to deliver this to you all and share my thoughts.

I’m very thankful. It was a very restful vacation, very slow. Waking up whenever I wanted, had an all-inclusive situation. So breakfast, drinks when needed, slept well, had really good food, great views, mingled with locals. Very relaxing.

For the last few years I’ve worked for a company that gives us a week off during the summer and then a week off between Christmas and New Year and I just decided this week that regardless of where I work going forward, I will always make it a note to take time off and be completely unplug during the summer months to just recharge.

There’s a lot that I want to share with you all today but there’s a few things that I wanted to get off my chest first. First is stay true to who you are.

One of the most difficult things I have come to face as I have gotten older is this need to satisfy all the areas of my life, all the complex pieces of who I am, you know, manage people’s feelings, expectations, oftentimes secondary to mine.
But this week I just decided to go cold turkey on a few things, change some things up and put me first. I find that I spend a lot of time trying to find me as priority in the eyes of people that I believe are priority in my life.

And that often leads to disappointment because maybe they don’t match my energy or maybe they don’t match it the way I match it for them, or things like that. And I’ve had to have a very difficult conversation with myself. As you all know, I have various review points throughout the course of the year, mostly twice, middle of the year now and end of the year, but usually delivered in the beginning of the following year.

And I’ve come to find that I’ve held on to things that I should let go of. I have cradled the feelings, thoughts, impressions of others, oftentimes over myself. And I just can’t do it anymore.
Very tired, very spent. I feel like I’ve been doing it since I was a little boy. Some of the intuitiveness or, you know, ability to connect with people, I believe, was born out of being on high alert from a very young age.

And part of me is exhausted on that front. But a part of me also knows that I’ve thrived because of those elements. So, you know, what may seem harsh, mean, selfish to some people, is just finding ways to finally put me first.

And understanding that at the end of the day, you’re responsible for your own happiness and your own evolution. Never forget that. Never.

I came home to a spotless apartment, which makes me so happy. I took a lot of time before I left to clean and tidy up and put things in place. And I cannot tell you the amount of satisfaction I got when I stepped into my closet, and it was spotless.

Of course, there are a few things that need to get tucked away here and there. But I just loved how organized it was because I put time into organizing it before I left. And that made me very happy.

I find that I am saddled with the responsibility of being very complex. There’s a lot of things that I feel like I’m good at. There’s a lot of things that I want to do.
There’s a lot of interests that I want to explore. And I often feel crutched by the fear that I’ll get to some point in my life and I wouldn’t have done them. As I was walking into the house, I had to remind myself that there is a childlike excitement that I never want to lose.

So no, I won’t stop doing my GRWMs or dancing anyhow in my apartment, or singing worship songs in the hallway, or just breaking out into a dance in the middle of the grocery store. Because I don’t want the child in me to die. And some of you might think me saying I don’t want the child in me to die might be extreme.

But I find that life kills the child in you a very slow death. They’re like tiny little paper cuts until the arteries bleed out. And I don’t want that for myself.
So I want to not be too serious, not be too focused on the worst case scenario, not be too concerned about what you who’s reading this might think. Randomly, I also want to put it out here. There’s someone that keeps asking me whenever I do those anonymous question things on my Instagram when I’m going to get married.
You live in the same state as me. I know who you are.
Please stop asking me.

I know why you’re asking. But I’m not going to answer your question. I actually have made it a purpose of mine to never answer your question because I don’t care what you’re doing with your life.

I don’t care what people are doing with their lives. I just want to be left alone.
And I know that because of the light that God has put in me, because of the things that I’m doing, because of the exposure or visibility that you have to me, you feel entitled, you feel encouraged to care about my personal life.

But anything I give to you is what I give to you. I don’t care if you buy a new car. I don’t care if you buy new shoes.
I don’t care if you’re having a baby. I don’t care if you’re having three babies. I don’t care if you’re buying a range or ice cream.
Please stop asking me about my personal life. I’m just not going to answer you. I don’t care.

It might sound insane to some people. But during my day to day, the only time I talk about anybody else is if somebody else initiates the conversation to ask me about something or someone else. I genuinely cannot think of a day where I care enough to gossip about someone or to talk like I just, I was never raised that way.
And my friends know not to bring gossip to me, I don’t want it or want to be part of it

And as I’ve gotten older and older, I just don’t care.
I want to be left alone. But it brings me back to this vacation I just came from, and how it highlighted for me the evolution of who I am.

As many of you know, I’ve just moved to a new city and I’m enjoying it, despite the fact that the heat keeps slapping me in the face. But on my vacation, I realized that I enjoy the solitude. My phone was on do not disturb literally from the moment I got on the plane heading to my destination.

And I only just took it off right when I landed. I loved that the calls didn’t come through. I love that somebody was trying to reach me and the person was like “can you please take your phone out dnd?” And I was like, “ No”.
I just like the peace and quiet.
And it brings me back to when I was ATVing with my friends in the Dominican Republic, we were going through a local rural area full of green.

And I just thought to myself that I would really love to own a house and like a farm, like a house on top of a hill with a farm connected to it. Grow my own greens, use it to cook like my fresh basil, fresh time, mint, make my own lemonade with my fresh lemons.
My grandpa used to grow lemons when I’m when he was alive.

And just be within myself in my quiet. I need that.
I don’t know what how I’m going to balance it because I feel like there’s so many things that God has put in me that would force me to be in the in the in the sort of light if you want to call it that. But I would love maybe like a balance of an Ed Sheeran type life where like I have like this huge farm on an acre kind of like my parents house right now.
Tucked away from the world. But then like I would have to come every three months to do a book tour or something like that. I don’t know but I just want that.

And I pray that God gives that to me.

Lastly I somebody told me recently that it will never be enough. The abs will not be enough.

The physique you want will not be enough if you don’t feel that happiness and joy from within completely. And I truly believe that. And I’m seeing that now.

That’s by the fact that a lot of people appreciate what I look like now and how I feel. I still feel like there’s more that I can get for myself. So we’re back to March to August 2022 form.

We are going to be going back to eating small, eating early, drinking less, and being diligent with shredding the next 20 pounds. 20 pounds is probably a stretch maybe like 10 to 15. But yeah, I’m back at it.

So hopefully I’ll take you guys on on this journey with me.

Comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

© 2024 #WhatTheHeckMan

Walking Away

When did I become a night walker?
Welcome to this week’s offering of Words Of Wednesday. I hope you are doing well and taking care of yourself.
I’m starting this week’s post on a night walk.
I’ve begun to enjoy walking in the evenings.
My body feels tight.
My back hurts – I can feel the stress in my neck and in the ways that I don’t sleep through the whole night.
This week has been good. My mental has been pretty good.
I feel fed up about a lot in my life – the things I don’t enjoy really.
We’ve been talking a lot about decision fatigue but I am truly just tired.
On the work front, you have to be effective. With parents, you have to parent and support.
With friends, you have to be intentional.
With every other aspect of adulting, if you drop off – you can quickly tank the quality of your happiness.

I’ve been asking myself this question a lot lately.
Who do you really want to be?
Someone recently tried to come at me sideways and my first instinct was to throw it all away.
I don’t want pity or someone making excuses for me and the man that I am.
I truly think it is selfish to build castles in your head of who you want people to be and then you get upset that they make decisions that prioritize themselves.

But more importantly, I think it’s cowardly to be silent and I feel like I have been silent too long.
When I was younger, I thought I didn’t deserve the love that I go but as I have gotten older, I realize that I deserve more.
I’ve been silent all my life – I remember dating someone that was such a good person that I almost felt like I had to accept the love because how could I not?
But someone’s best doesn’t always mean it’s the best for you.
And you don’t have to feel guilty about that.

I actually wanted to speak on the reality that that dynamic only works from woman to man.
There is a level of arrogance with women that because they like you – you have to consider it.
Let me put it like this – when a really “good” guy moves to a babe, if he is not what she wants, it doesn’t matter how good or nice he is, she’ll say no.
Reverse it – how many times have guys been able to say – “yeah, this is good but it’s not up to what I want”.
I once dated someone that I should have ended talking to within a few weeks but they experienced a traumatic event and I felt obligated to stay.
It would lead to two years of horror.

Why do I say this?
Like I mentioned it’s cowardly to not speak truth on what you really want/need.
Don’t be harmful or hurtful but be honest – first with yourself and that person or thing.
You deserve the future you want for you.
Not the one that someone imagined themselves into.

————

I’m further up on my walk and it hit me – I hate walking while black.Or being outside.
As I was walking – I thought to myself, what if someone called the police and said “oh we saw a black man walking” and the police pull up.
God forbid you are the person they say matches the description by just being outside and being black.
Do you know how annoying that must be that you can’t just exist without worrying?

Also, as I’m walking I start thinking about wild animals.
Like coyotes, raccoons and such – even wild squirrels or snakes!
Anyways sha, I love the freedom of eating dinner and talking a nice walk.
I like living alone. I like having my own.
I really like being with me.
Long may it continue.
I hope I never get greedy in life but I pray my silence or fear of asking for what I want never leads me to having to settle.

———

Man, Texas is HOT!
Forget the sweating like a crazy person at the gym or randomly outside but it’s HOT.
That’s one of the first things I have had to tell people and as someone who is always very hydrated – you end up sweating A LOT.
And now I have a singlet tan line from where I wear my workout shirts.

Building new habits take time and kindness.
I found myself taking a cup of ice with me out the house every morning to put in my workout bottle at the gym.
That way I have freezing cold water to drink through my workout and it helps keep my body cooler.
I have never been a morning person but I need to start sleeping earlier and waking up earlier. That way I can be in the gym early and before the sun starts hitting hard.
I am also buying 5 towels (I workout 5 times a week) to keep in my car, so I don’t have to be dripping sweat whoever I walk around the gym.

Lastly this week, I want to tell you – you don’t have beg for what is good in your life.
You should never beg for love. Communicate your needs and feelings but never have to hold your breath or find yourself waiting by your phone.
You deserve love that almost runs towards you at every chance it gets.

Sometimes you may even feel like you are unworthy because you open the door to people who would never appreciate you for what and who you are.
There are people out there who see your value and your worthy, please focus on them and not on people who only remember you when it’s convenient for them.

Til we speak again, stay up!

NB: I had some technical difficulties with the upload last week, Undercover Lover 2 this Saturday. My apologies!

Comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

© 2024 #WhatTheHeckMan

A fictional three part story by Sanmi Ade @adewus4real

I could feel the tension in my back as I pulled into the driveway.
It was almost as if my body knew that I had been away from the gym for a while. Although I would argue that yoga or pilates is much harder, missing your gym flow changes you.
The work retreat I just returned from was both a physical and professional haul.
We worked on OKR’s and KPI’s for the year but also got to do some wine tasting, vision boarding and a few morning yoga sessions.
All in all – I was glad to be back in my bed.
It had been two long weeks away from home. Hotel beds are cool but nothing beats your own bed.

I don’t really remember the drive home.
I mostly remember thinking about washing my car that had been sitting at the airport and smiling at the fact that I had the cleaning lady come and clean right before I went on my trip.
As I walked towards the elevator in the connected parking garage and towards my apartment – I started thinking about the things missing from my fridge.
Forget missing your own bed, after a week of travel the thing you miss the most is a home cooked meal.
My fridge was bare even if my freezer was pretty stuffed. (How do
I picked out a bowl of some stew and put some rice in the rice cooker.
While it cooked, I picked up my mail and started going through it.
Fried up some plantain before pouring myself a glass of wine.

I left and went to take a shower.
Before I returned, night had fallen and the views were immaculate.
They reminded me why I fell in love with Cape Town and how quickly my sadness faded once I moved here.
I’ve lived here now for 8months, I cannot pretend to be a local but I have found my tribe here.
It definitely helped that I did a program here right after I graduated from Covenant University. But after living in Birmingham, New York, Chicago and Lagos – I can tell you that Cape Town has it’s own unique charm.

In my robe, I plated my food and sat down to eat.
I had been watching S.W.A.T on Netflix during my flight back from JoBurg, so I continued while eating my meal.
It felt like it wasn’t just the rice and stew but the fact that it was at home that made me so happy.
Midway through I remember curling up into the couch with my blanket and reminding myself not to fall asleep on the couch.
As I dozed off. I happened to glance down and see my phone ringing.

“Hey sexy”

the first words to come through the phone. I smiled and replied

“Mummy Eleganza, how are you?”

She chuckled and replied

“ I don’t know why you insist on calling me that. Are you back home? I just wanted to check on you”

I lifted my phone to pan around the room for her to see.
She smiled and continued

“Have you eaten?”

I rolled my eyes and said

“Nothing a Nigerian woman loves to do more than ask if you’ve eaten.
Yes I have”

This time her smile was bigger and more mischievous as she replied

“I mean, is it my fault that I want to make sure that you are taken care of?”

I smiled without replying.
She continued and said

“I mean, I know something else you could be eating sha”

I looked down at the phone and she had the sneakiest smile on her face.
Unable to stop smiling, I replied

“Ireoluwa, you are looking for trouble o”

“What did I do????”

She asked, pretending to be confused

“Continue o”

I replied.
She continued and said

“Am I still seeing you this weekend?”

I replied

“We have brunch tomorrow right?”

She nodded and I watched her finishing up her makeup.

“Where are you even going?”

I asked

“Remember Nana’s Art Studio launch is today.”

It had totally skipped my mind. My friend Nana, a Ghanaian and Zambian hyperrealism artist was opening up his second studio and tonight he was having a private showing for his friends.
I had told him I was arriving the following day because I knew I would be too tired to go.
I think I deserve a pass, I went to the first one all the way in LA.
So tonight I was staying in.

“Oh yeah, totally forgot. I’ll go during the general opening next week”

We said goodbyes and she got off the phone and I returned to my unwind.
The next thing I remember was waking up on my couch the next morning – refreshed and hungry.

————————

The entire evening, I couldn’t concentrate. Not because her painting was better than mine from the paint and sip activity we went to.
She absolutely loves activity dates and letting her express her creative genius, well that was a win all round.
She wore the cutest pink top with pink accessories and blue jeans.
It almost felt confusing how I realized I had never noticed how much bunda she was carrying back there.

We headed home because she had an early morning the next day.
As we walked in, I remembered we had ordered some banana bread to the house earlier in the day for dessert and I started to make my way into the kitchen to get it when she said

“I’m going to lay in the for a little bit”

I looked at her confused because I knew she could easily fall asleep.
But I changed course and followed her into the room – a few minutes later, were both changed into lounge clothes.
I laid up next to her as began talking about the night we had just had.
The music, the food, the energy and chemistry between us.
It so relaxing.
We probably laid there for 15minutes just talking about the night and me returning from my trip.
She was catching me up on everything from school to fitness and I could listen to her talk all day.

My fingers traced the outside of her right arm as she talked to me and suddenly, we stopped and looked at each other right at the same time.
I leaned and asked

“Can I kiss you?”

She smiled and without breaking eye contact, she said nodded in approval.
We make music without lips locked like an aux cord in an iPod.
We fit.
I pulled her in closer and kissed her down her neck and shoulders.

I got up and placed my legs around her.
Her back on my chest as I kissed down her neck. I could smell the sweet notes down her neck with certainty that she couldn’t even explain the cocktail of scents my tongue was getting familiar with.
She moaned and closed her eyes off while kicking back her head more into my chest. My left hand reached around and lightly choked her while I kissed on her right cheek while my right hand made its way down to her slightly spread legs.

No forecast could have prepared me for how drenched my fingers were as they made contact.
She moaned softly and my index fingers parted her lips.
The softest “fuck” slipped out of her northern lips as I slowly massaged her clit.
Her eyes completely shut but she could see the picture my fingers painted with her wet.
There was something deeply satisfying about her bending to my will.
I could feel the stress and tension melt away in my body as she rocked her pelvis to the tune of my voice.

In her ears, I was the navigator.
Signaling as the pace picked up or steadied.
She smelled so incredible and would not stop cursing under her breath. With my hand around her neck, my legs on both her sides and my fingers firmly inside her. She just gave in.
And I welcomed her.
Slowly I laid her down on her back and moved to meet her down south.
I had something very important to say and only her lips could understand.
As she laid on her back, I lifted her legs and pinned them back towards her chest.
My searching tongue making first contact with her throbbing pink. I kissed it and then lifted up.

Looking dead at her, I asked her

“I need you to promise me one thing…”

“What?”

She said.

“Don’t hold back”

I replied.
She sheepishly smiled and I smirked as I tongue kissed her pink.
She let out a louder moan.
“Oh wow”
She said

“Wow” was the word of the night as she repeated it over and over as I feasted on her dripping wet.
She grabbed my head and pushed and tugged as she sang my name into the walls.
The neighbors already knew my name but they didn’t know all the different octaves it could be sung in.
There was something about the passion in my drive – I wanted every last drop of her.
I wanted her to bend and break in my hands while I then put her back together nicely.

As I rose and lowered into her.
The first entrance felt like the first time you laid in your bed after a long trip away from home.
It was warm and welcoming.
I leaned next to her head as I thrust in and out, complimenting her beauty and how welcomed my throbbing member felt inside her wet walls.
With each thrust, she moaned

“Wow”

I tried hard to concentrate but I could feel her giving up on me.
I lifted up and pinned her legs further towards her chest.
I called out at her, making her open her eyes

“Ire”

She moaned

“Hmmm?”

“Don’t fucking close your eyes”

I chimed back at her. I continued on to say

“I want you to look at me. Keep your eyes on me.
Look at me as I take your shit – look at it”

We both looked down as I entered and exited with familiarity.
Her eyes began to roll back as she struggled to keep them open.
I looked down at her and smirked. The look on her face was a combination of pleasure and confusion – mostly “how could something feel so good?” she asked in her sexy moans.
I didn’t let up.
With her legs pinned back, every thrust hit deeply enough in her walls.

I picked up the pace and drove deeper into her.
Letting out all the questions I needed answered

“This is what you wanted right?
To have me fuck you like I can’t do without you?”

She nodded and moaned along.

“Give it to me then.
Give me every last fucking drop.
Do not stop until you cum all over me. Do you hear me?”

She nodded in reluctant agreement – she was about to break.
I leaned in more and said

“Such a good girl.
Look at you taking all of it… good girl.
….
…you’re so beautiful baby”

I could feel her tighten up.
I asked again

“Who’s my good girl?”

And that was it.
The floodgates opened.
Her moan, so loud, I was sure my neighbor Cristian heard it.
And just like that, I intensified.
Thrusting harder and faster to meet her at the peak. We were to arrive together and together we came.
A dual explosion coming from two sources.
Boom.

As I slumped next to her, she turned over to me and said words that would send chills into anyone.

“This is bad”

She said and my heart stopped.

———————

The church was filled with a soft, reverent hum of hushed whispers as everyone settled in. Sunlight streams through the stained glass windows, casting a kaleidoscope of colors across the altar. I was sitting in the right corner of the altar where I play the bass guitar, my head bowed as if in deep prayer, but my thoughts are far from the holy sanctuary. I couldn’t focus on the sermon, not after the night I had.

Last night was… perfect. It started with a simple dinner with smoky jollof and turkey with plantain plus great wine, nothing extravagant, but every moment felt like it was carved out of a dream. The way her eyes sparkled when she laughed, the subtle touch of her hand on mine across the table — every detail is imprinted in my mind.
The sweetness of her kiss lingering like the finest wine. I return to my seat, trying to clear my head, but every time I close my eyes, I see her face, feel her touch, hear her moans. I know you can relate.

I shift in my seat, attempting to focus. The congregation stands to sing a hymn, and I join in, but my voice feels detached, like it belongs to someone else. My mind is still in that moment when we rode back to my place in the Uber. The light caught in her hair, casting a halo around her face and the world seemed to dissolve around us, leaving just the two of us in our own little universe.

The service continues, a series of rituals I follow on autopilot. Stand, sit, bow, pray. My body moves through the motions, but my mind is elsewhere, lost in the memory of last night. The way we talked for hours, sharing stories and dreams, finding connections in the most unexpected places. There was a moment when she leaned in close, her breath warm against my cheek, and whispered something that sent shivers down my spine. I can’t even remember the exact words, just the feeling they left behind.

And then it hit me again, why did she say “it was bad”?
I needed answers but I was not sure how to get them.

The final blessing is given, and we rise to leave. I step out into the sunlight, blinking as the brightness hits me. The fresh air is a welcome relief, but my thoughts are still tangled with memories of Ire. I pull out my phone, my fingers hovering over her number. Should I call her? Would she be thinking about last night as much as I am?

As I walk away from the church towards my car, I realize that no matter how hard I try, I can’t shake the feeling that last night was the start of something extraordinary. The future is uncertain, but for the first time in a long time, I feel a sense of hope, of excitement. Maybe, just maybe, this is the beginning of something beautiful but I was still uncertain.
As I pressed the remote to unlock my car, I hear a voice.

It was Dior. Her real name is Adaora but everyone calls her Dior.
I smiled as she shuffled towards me.
As she got closer, I noticed it.
She smiled big and said

“Congratulations Dele”

I almost choked.
It took me a second to gather myself before replying –

“Ummmm….sorry…what do you mean?”

She smiled again, this time smaller and more controlled as she replied

“I’m pregnant”
__________

Quick note from Sanmi:
Hey y’all I know it’s been a few years since I gave you all some of my stories to keep you company through the weekends. Well I’m back. I aim to give you exciting and captivating series that will have you glued to the edge of your seats. I am not being held prisoner by perfection or the right timing, it’s ready and you’ll have it.
for those of you new here, you are in a for a ride. They call me The Wordsmith, Master of Cliffhangers and so on – so I will not apologize for the emotional rollercoaster you will get from reading my work.
As a matter of fact, I live for it. So I hope you enjoyed part 1. Your comments are my fuel, so if you like it or love it, tell me. It keeps me going.
Thanks for reading part 1 of Undercover Lover, see you next week or if we get to 20 comments, I’ll drop part 2 early. Till then, stay up!

____

End of Part 1. Come back next Saturday for Part 2!
Please like this story, leave a comment below, and share with lovers of fiction and storytelling.
Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated.

#SanmiSaturdays © 2024 #WhatTheHeckMan

Why are you so unforgiving
Of yourself
Affording grace to yourself is like a deep struggle
Rowing upstream on a paddle board
How do you make it so easy to punish yourself
Even as life already takes it up to challenge you
Why have you decided to tattoo your pain on your sleeves
And answer it like a last name
You deserve light
The same one brimming out of you
Filling up rooms
And lives of others
The same one you work so hard to cloud
With self doubt and that pesky imposter syndrome
You deserve to feel alive
All the time
You deserve to be fine
And feel joy
And not only after you have experienced pain

If you have been reading my blog over the last few weeks, you would probably be able to tell what mental state I am in right now – slightly unhappy, maybe unsettled.
The themes keep coming up in my writings and the poem above came as a result of that as well.

I was telling someone recently that I don’t have expectations of them and I could tell the comment hurt them.
Over my years of doing therapy and working through my trauma, it became very clear that my not having expectations was a trauma response to protect myself.
People can’t really hurt you if you already expect them to hurt you, right?

I truly feel like there is a balance to be explored.
One should always show up as their best selves and ensure that you uphold the standards you set for yourself in the spaces you occupy and the relationships you build.
I know that if I heard one my friends tell me they expected nothing from me, I would probably faint.
But I truly feel like the best expectation one can have of themselves is to have a mindset that considers the best case scenario in everything.
Expect good.
Harness joy.
Find peace.
Hold on to happiness.

———

Sitting at the restaurant Itafe asked me “how does it feel to have 23K followers? Do you feel different?”
The question felt absurd to me because huh?
Why would I feel different – it’s just followers. Some people are truly great and you get to meet them but for the most part, I’m just me with more eyes watching.

The reason I have that many followers is because this video I posted went viral. I have never blocked as many people as I have in the last 6weeks.
Watching the comments come in their thousands, they have been overwhelmingly positive but also there have been a few hundred that were just mean and rude.
I’ve felt so exposed that I wanted to take down the video or limit the comments but with each passing day, someone sends me a testimony of how my video gave them hope or faith that God will do their own.
I actually wanted to do an exercise where I would go and read every single comment and count the positive/negative ones – I gave up once the comments got to 2,000.

Why am I saying this?
Your vulnerability is a strength, and you should never be made to feel less than for it.
6.7 times the video has been played and my story shared. And thousands of times, it has touched someone else. Imagine if I never shared it or spoke up –

The other big takeaway from that conversation is that boys need their time.
We need time with our friends – spending time with my guy, I felt lighter instantly and I was able to genuinely discuss how I felt about things.

So yes, pick up your phone and set up time with your friends and loved ones. It might just be the pick me up you need.

Comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

© 2024 #WhatTheHeckMan