I hate the highs and lows of life. But I guess I like them because you feel alive. After spending most of April harnessing and choosing joy, May has been a bit more reserved so far. I’ve struggled with my joy for the past few days. Life feels “more difficult” – this is not a suicidal thought but boy do I wish I could turn it all off. Just disappear. I don’t want to be anyone’s anything. I want silence. I want to feel solely responsible for me. But I guess there is the balance of knowing what God has put in you or his purpose for you, so no I don’t get to not be connected.
I’ve woken up the last couple of days feeling heavy. I don’t know what happened. I think I have had a lingering question about something for the last few weeks and this past weekend/this week, I think the realization finally hit me. I’ve been trying to process my life. Think straight and understand how to separate my feelings from my realities. I don’t know how I stumbled on it but I woke up and stumbled on an instagram live with Pastor Noble G and TitotheWriter. It was great to hear his story and how he approaches worship – listen to him and others in my Gospel playlists here. ALL LINKS HERE I just felt so overwhelmed that I started crying in the car on the way to the gym.
I know you people won’t assume I am a cry baby but omo, I be crying sometimes o. Just flushed with emotions and heaviness – I just have to let it all out. I mostly do it while worshipping and turning it into prayer but sigh. If you read last week’s blogpost, maybe it flowed into this week but I think I would rather not have anyone than feel like I have to be responsible for everyone.
Thinking about how my life continues to evolve, I have found that I have strength in my vulnerabilities. I wear them like badges because they are my feelings – my realities, my truths. And how some would like for me to hide how I feel, simply baffles me. The places where I have thrived the most have been where I have been able to be and bring my full self.
When I got to the grocery store after the gym, I had a full breakdown in the parking lot – I am not even sure why. Trauma is the thing that makes you suffer in silence in the name of not transferring hurt to someone else despite them hurting you or not being able to satisfy your own needs.
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I recently got put on to Sugarwish cookies – I got them from work. They are sooo good! (No this is NOT an AD) I hacked it when I started to slightly warm up the cookies and then go in with a scoop of Talenti’s Gelato over it. It’s become one of my go to sweet desserts. But after weeks of not having any, I had it a few days ago and it was so mid. I was so upset that I had hyped it up in my head and when I had it, I fell flat.
I also got to experience something that I had been thinking about for the past three years. I finally got to hold it up close and I couldn’t understand why it didn’t generate the feeling I wanted. The lessons I took away from that are 1. Sometimes the things we truly love and enjoy will sometimes not hit the high notes for us. 2. It’s okay for something to not light fireworks immediately – give it time.
Lastly, people are not confused. They can try harder for you. They can be intentional. They can be flexible. They can invest in you. They are choosing not to do that with you and that’s okay. It’s their choice but do not make that your fault. Today, choose to be responsible for your own joy. Go forth.
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I was not sure how I wanted to start this particular blogpost – I usually like to have a theme for you all to take away but today, I think I just want to share. I may or may not cry while I write this but who cares right? I think I’ll title this post – “Questions”. Yeah, pretty sure I have never titled anything that before. – welp, just wiped the first tears out of my eyes. Am I asking for too much?
Let me set the scene for you. I am in my bed. My left leg is dangling over the edge of the bed while my right leg is half tucked under the sheets (extra sheets, Doc. We didn’t put that and the vacuum on the list and I never made it to HomeGoods today). My 24hr ever changing RGB light is blinking in the corner to my right. My ceiling fan is on. Do I need that and the air in the apartment right now? (My last electric bill was like $300 but they said there was a $200 deposit and $20 activation fee). So I guess that means I can anticipate like $80/month? Hmmm.
Back to the scene. When I walked in, I didn’t take off my backpack. My tummy had been hurting all day – I am realizing that I have a longer term reaction to gassy dishes (I had beans for dinner the night before). So I walked straight to the kitchen and mixed a cocktail of Fiber supplements and poured myself a glass of wine. Someone I used to be really close to Facetimed me last week and saw my bar (they told me I should be drowning in the Lord). It felt a way hearing it but I guess we can all speak our minds right? I walked to my room and set the glass and bottle of supplements down. Took off my backpack. Set it down – removed my laptop placed it on the bed and headed to the bathroom. Before I took my clothes off, I washed my hands and slid off my rings – they get tighter sometimes after a full day and surprisingly just water gets them off. I brushed my teeth and then changed into my night clothes. I would love to tell you I took a shower before getting into bed but nope, I did not. Shoot! I need a bed vacuum.
So here we are – and here comes the question that brought the tears – am I asking for too much? Reciprocity and consideration are some of the beautiful gifts you can give someone. When I talk to my friends about some of the things I hope for in love and in friendship and community – they say they believe I am not asking for too much. So why do I feel guilty wanting to hold the line on certain things? Why do I feel pressured to say yes to things or people that don’t do the same for me? I know there are elements of my trauma that make me hyper sensitive to making sure I cater to some of the people I love in the ways they want but the emptiness I feel with that not being reciprocated, weakens me.
I used to tell people that I could imagine my wedding day – my dance with my mother, food flowing, great music (which I will help curate) and just amazing vibes. But for years, I could not picture what my wife would look like. Yes, I would see the other elements of the day but never a wife in the “vision” of the day. A few years ago, that part became clearer. I could see it more. You know something I struggle to see though – you know that part where the man gets up towards the end of the wedding and does the vote of thanks? Yeah, I don’t see that.
It bothers me. I am not overwhelmed right this minute but I feel like my life has been decision after decision of loving on people. Holding people up but my heart doesn’t always feel cared. Now before you, yes you, try to make this about you or how you are a great friend – don’t. If you are good and doing all you need to do, just enjoy this read and move along. and it’s the hope! It’s the hope that kills you. That one day they will get it like you do or that you will feel the love you know deep down you deserve.
Love is not always in grand gestures or orgasms. It’s not in the sweet nothings or public displays. It’s in the mundane like knowing exactly how I like my spaghetti or that Manchester United messes with my mood, so if we lose, send noods. It’s in making me feel like if I fall you got me. Like who makes sure I don’t forget my AirPods before a flight? Who makes sure that I have the aisle seat so I can stretch my legs out into the aisle? Who writes me hand written letters just because? It’s in the “I gotchu” without ever saying it.
I want that. Badly. So again I ask, am I asking too much?
Changed the title to “Too Much?”
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Sigh. I need to get closer to God. You’re probably thinking to yourself from what we see of my life on social media, “you seem to have a pretty good relationship with God, you are passionate about serving God and things like that.” But I don’t know, I guess that’s part of the relationship with God, right? It’s always having a thirst for wanting to have more of Him and be more with Him, like Him and all that stuff. So yeah, I wish, okay not wish, but I want to be closer to God. Yeah, random but not random thought.
At what point do I give my followers of my content a name? Not like Instagram followers, or you know how people name themselves, mostly like BBNaija people always have a name for their people like Titans or whatever, but I don’t know. Some of you’ve been rocking with me since 2013, that’s 11 years, I feel like should we have a name?!
Anyways, welcome to this week’s edition of Words of Wednesday there is a lot to share with you all and I’m glad that I get to share with you all. I have two main guy friend groups. In one of the groups there is 9 of us. We actually call ourselves the Nifty Nine, and in the height of the pandemic we used to have monthly check-in calls but as the world went back to normal or close to normal that tailed off a bit. A couple weeks ago, I hosted another session for us to spend time to catch up, talk and things like that. 7 out of the 9 of us were present and you know, we had to discuss a bunch of different things. I think something that stood out to me was when one of my friends in the group, rightfully so, shared some feedback about relationships as he’s getting older and doesn’t want to feel like he is always chasing after people and things like that and I thought it was very apt but it got me thinking about intentionality. It got me thinking about adult relationships and how one of the main pillars that helps relationships grow is being intentional. Being intentional to show love, to show care, being intentional to afford grace, being intentional to not hold grudges, to forgive, being intentional to have the best intentions, to believe that people have the best intentions. So I ask you today, how are you intentionally showing the people you love around you, that you love them?
Now the reason why I asked that question is it’s very easy to just be your natural self, and by virtue of that, people feel your love or feel the love that is in your heart. But I’ve noticed that as you get older, busier, more distracted, if you’re not intentional with taking those steps to make those people feel seen or loved by you, they just simply won’t, or sometimes you will miss the mark. So intentionality in how you love yourself is important but being intentional in how you love the people that you love is also significantly important.
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For many of you currently reading this, you are probably a new follower or just came because you saw my reel. First of fursttttt, welcome! You truly will like it here – the best way I can describe this space is that it is a place for me to share my most authentic thoughts. I realized years ago that I had a gift for writing – thank you God and mummy but yeah – I’ll periodically write down my thoughts and share here. Think of my speaking videos but in long form and more depth.
So I went viral last week – this time last week. One of my reels blew up. At the time of posting this, that reel is at 4.9million views! Like huh? I have gotten almost 15,000 new followers in less than a week. Like huh????? If you had asked me when I was posting the video if I would have been happy with 5K views and 100 comments, I would have been so happy but we plan and God laughs. The content in the reel is nothing new, I didn’t edit differently but God did. The impact it has had on people has been truly phenomenal. And I am grateful.
One thing I want to flag though is how the devil can try to steal your joy. As the reel went viral, I started to feel shy. Like I had overshared. As I said in the caption, the story was something that only a handful of people knew. And now almost 2million people know as well. I considered pulling the reel down but I was led to keep it up. I will leave you with this quote I came up with yesterday.
I guess the Sunshine people have been calling me is finally reaching wider than I can imagine. As part of being here – you are now part of my family. So let’s enjoy the ride together, we will grow even more – so to my Day 1’s and Day-April2024 people, let’s go! Here’s my linktree to all of my accounts and playlists. Enjoy and for the playlists, please spread it and share the love of God and music. Links:https://linktr.ee/adewus4real
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This year, so far, as you’ve wrapped up Q1, it has already been a very expensive year. Did I know that it was going to be expensive? Absolutely! Earlier today, I was being critical of myself because currently my savings are at the lowest they’ve been since maybe two or three years now. Like early pandemic. As many of you who have been following me for a long time know I try to live a very cash-based life and as many of you who know and who have been following me, you know that I just recently moved to a new city, and it’s been expensive. Moving is expensive, moving across country is expensive, getting your own place is expensive. I had a roommate since I moved out of my parents house in 2009, and I finally just moved into my very first solo place in 2024, before some of you start squeezing your face the Bay Area is extremely expensive, California is extremely expensive. It’s very possible for you to be able to afford your own place, but also it can be very draining on your pocket if you have intentions of saving or things like that. I’m happy to be in this new place, my new place is absolutely gorgeous. For those of you that I know and those of you that I love hopefully, you get a chance to visit soon and experience the warmth and homeliness that I have worked very hard to create so far.
Yeah, moving is expensive, and especially if you’re trying to live a very cash-based life. I try to shy away from my credit cards, I have now gotten to a place where I have them again, like I have a few, I have some that are rewards cards, some that are travel cards. Its been expensive. Back to being kind to myself, as I was thinking about what’s in my account. I started to think about the big expenses that I have paid this year – you know, my couch, my TVs (I have one in my room and one in my living room), my car had an issue that I had to pay for earlier. About a month ago, I totaled all those things and I thought to myself, “Wow, I already spent that much this year.” and I’m still in a good place, not the best place that I want to be, but I’m still in a good place, and that was comforting on one hand.
The lesson that I want to flag here is in two parts. One is track everything, I tracked how much all my expenses were in my old place, and I’m also tracking what my expenses are in my new place and I am keeping a close eye on what I’m spending and the journey there. It’s important, I guess if you add a third element, so the first one is write everything down and track it. The second is make sure that the data you’re writing tells a story. If, for example, in Q1 you spent $20,000, tell the story of what that $20,000 is. You’re not a wasteful person who just splurges or buys designer clothes, and things like that. Maybe it was paying off the balance on your father’s car, or maybe it was moving to a new city, maybe it was paying a medical bill, maybe it was supporting a friend. Document that so you can track those things going forward. And then the third thing I will say is put yourself on a budget. I’ve put myself on a budget for the last two weeks. When I first started taking care of my financial journey back in 2018, I put myself on a $50 a week budget. That $50 budget was for everything outside of groceries and gas. So, if it was a birthday dinner, if it was going to the movies, it had to all be within that $50. Things were a lot cheaper back then, movies, I think they were $5 per person, gas was $2.79 per gallon in California at the time.
So, by the grace of God my income has significantly increased since 2018 and I put myself on a $100 budget. I’m proud to report that, two weeks in, by the time you will be reading this, which is Wednesday or beyond, I have kept to that budget for the last couple of weeks. And I’ve felt good about it, not only has it helped with in terms of like of spending, but it made me feel good about myself, about my discipline, and my ability to stay on task. So, track everything, make sure your data tells the story, and thirdly, put yourself on a budget – be disciplined.
Moving to a new place comes with new opportunities, comes with new experience, try new things. I want to tell you all a story. I absolutely love spaghetti, it’s one of the meals that I will not cut corners on, I don’t portion control spaghetti. I love spaghetti and I make bomb spaghetti sauce, if you’ve had it before you will know. When I moved, I thought that the company that I buy my spaghetti from would have a location where I would be able to buy here in my new state. Unfortunately, since I’ve gotten here, I’ve checked online and nobody sells it here. I was to the point where I wanted to order it from California and ship it to this new state, or go to Dallas, Texas, which is hours away from me, to see if I could pick it up, buy a box and bring it back, this is because I just knew what I liked and I wanted that. Then, suddenly, I went to Whole Foods and I saw a particular brand of spaghetti and I said, “You know what, let me just try it.” And I tried it, and it turns out that I actually like it better than the one that I initially was looking to ship to myself. And it got me thinking, what are some of those things that you were stuck on that you’re not allowing yourself to experience newness because you’re so used to the things that you’ve had before, right? I think that it’s important to allow yourself to experience things, and allow yourself to feel different elements and feel different things because it will give you that opportunity to enjoy new things or at the very least, it will expose you to what you may not like or want for yourself.
Yeah, I thought that it will be important to share that with you all, as you go in through your week, make sure that you are allowing yourself to experience new things because they will bring opportunities that you probably did not know that you’ll experience or enjoy.
I’ll stop here for this week. I am very tired, but I’m very excited. I’m also intending to challenge myself to give you guys something that I have been holding for a few years, so hopefully check back again this Saturday, and hopefully I have more information for you all. Till then, take care of yourself.
I absolutely, absolutely love you all, I’m filled with such gratitude that you all get to spend this time with me and learn about me and from each other and if there’s one thing you can do for me after you read this. Please leave me a comment, tell me what you’re thinking, tell me what you’re feeling. Let me ask you a question, and maybe you can comment at the bottom of this post, or you can send it to me via Instagram or Twitter since I’m never calling it X.
My question would be, “what is one new thing that you want to try in the next month since April just started? What is something you want to try in the month of April?” Comment it down so you can be held accountable or send it to me so I can hold you accountable and join you in accountability. Until then, stay up, take care of yourself. I absolutely love you all, talk to you soon.
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I’m writing this inside my car. It is 9:53 PM. I have tried to find an open pharmacy because my throat has been scratchy since Sunday, and today I have a headache and what feels like a slight fever. I could be falling sick, but I’ve also been up since 5 AM, and like I said, it is now basically 10 PM. I have worked out, gone to the office, ran some errands, and now home.
Welcome to Words of Wednesday! It’s been a while since I wrote this. So, for the two people in the world that have been trying to force me to post this, “you’re welcome”. For those of you who have not, you’re also welcome because there are some gems in here.
I’m in a very different place emotionally and physically, and it’s taken a while to get here. Being in this particular spot has probably been five years in the making, but here we are.
It’s been expensive. It’s been expensive on my body, on my wallet. I spent so much money, money that I didn’t even know I had.
If that makes any sense, and random sidebar shout out to companies that match a 401(k), and also shout out to companies that give you annual bonuses because where will we be right now. *cries in Binance*
A lot has happened in the last few months—my birthday, Valentine’s Day, moving day, all the days. But I’m happy to be here, and I think my body is actually starting to kind of break down because it’s been a hell of a road to get here. It’s been very tasking to get here, so where do we start?
Who ever knew that ironing boards were so expensive? Like, I want a big ironing board, but why is it like $100? That doesn’t make any sense!
At the same time, I just spent almost $3000 on my car fixing it, and now it’s still making one sound. Quite frankly, it was making a sound, and I just turned up the music because I was like, “O le pami.” For those of you who don’t understand Yoruba, it translates roughly to “you can’t kill me.” But yeah, a couch is expensive too.
Funny enough, for value, I think the thing that has been the cheapest has been the TV, and that seems odd, but like, yeah, it’s been interesting.
I’ve been thinking lately and I think one of the highest forms of love, they say, is consideration. But I truly believe that one of the highest forms of love is to be seen in your true self, your truest version of yourself, no gimmicks, no façade, just you.
And I’ve come to find discover that it is probably the hardest thing for me to do because vulnerability comes with courage. Vulnerability also comes with fear—fear of getting taken for granted, fear of being seen in your full self and not appreciated, respected or wanted.
A simple example of that was two years ago when I went to see Maverick City and Kirk Franklin, and I intentionally went “alone”.
I went to the event with my friends, but I intentionally sat alone because I knew that I was going to cry. I knew that I wanted to pray, I knew that I wanted to let go of so many things and place them at God’s feet. But that’s not to say that my friends and people that I went with couldn’t be there for me. I just don’t know exactly why, but I didn’t feel ready to be seen like that.
And I think one of the things I’ve spent most of my adulthood looking for is being seen. And I think for me, another layer that I will even add to that is being seen without needing to be asked to be seen.
And I think that’s something that I continue to pray for and hope for. One thing I’m also noticing is that I need to see myself as well. I think I have some honest conversations with myself, but sometimes I let myself off the hook by not telling myself the hard truth that I need to hear sometimes, so I need to do better at that.
Finding a new gym has been fun. I’m feeling buffer, fitter if that makes sense, but I need to lose more weight. Like I feel like my abs be showing in the morning, but I need them to show like at 3 pm after clearing eba. You know? Like I need to get to that point. Truth be told, and I know some people would lie to you guys, but after two years of being on this journey.
Two years will be March 16th since I started trying to change my physical body and change my physical health. I recently considered steroids.
Yeah! I know. Like I said, part of not lying to myself is having these conversations with you guys and sharing these things. But as somebody who has friends who have gotten surgery done or gone through different mediums to achieve the bodies that they want.
Yeah, it definitely has gotten to me over the last few months. You know that stubborn last layer of belly fat that just won’t go away, that back fat that you just like, “yo!”
And the thing for me is, I want to lose a few more pounds, maybe about 10 or so, but I don’t want to get too skinny if that makes sense. And like the only way that I know is to cut hard, like I struggle to do the sort of in between with my fitness.
It’s either we’re on one complete end of the spectrum or we’re on the other side.
I’m telling you that I’ve passed the stage of just like, “oh, I should do it.” I looked up videos, I looked up side effects of steroids, and as someone who previously had a medical thing, I worry about the things that I put in my body. So I quickly moved past it. I mean you all know I’m not gonna do it, I wasn’t going to do it.
I was beyond curious at this point, and you know I think in talking about that I tell you guys all the time and I tell myself that it is important to stay in your lane and run your race. But I can’t lie to you all when I tell you that it has felt a certain type of way watching different people just, you know, go on Ozempic and you know go under the knife and come back out like nothing happened.
Next thing they’re down 30 pounds. And I am telling myself “you got this! You got this!” While I’m doing 2000 skips at the gym. And I know fitness is not just about losing weight or having abs. For me specifically, it’s about discipline. It’s about knowing that I can push my body to the limit. And it’s about being able to stand here and put on different outfits and be proud of what I am wearing. And you know, things like that. It’s definitely been a journey.
It’s going to continue being a journey. This is going to be a lifelong journey. I want to be one of those uncles that’s like 45 and hot. Like I pull up to an event and the young girls are like, “yo, that man is hot,” with my wife, my wedding band on my hand along with my cute kids.
I want to be that guy. And it’s not just in the gym. You need to eat right and all that stuff. So we will ultimately get there, but I just wanted to share that truth with all of you.
For those of you that are in your weight loss or fitness journey or health and well-being journey and you know questioning whether or not you’re doing the right things or questioning maybe you should just save money and go under the knife.
I’m very proud of you. I’m proud of us for continuing to grind. And that’s not to say that anybody that took any alternative that there’s any shade or anything like that.
No shade, it’s just sharing my truth about how we are and how we are feeling.
_____________ It’s been a while since I gave you all music that I have been loving lately – so here you go. My latest obsessions have been Blaq Diamond’s new album – Zulu Romance and Dunsin Oyekan’s Undignified (Excuse Me).
It’s 3:28am. It’s actually incredible to me that the theme for my 2023 came in the second half the year. I want to call it a POWERFUL SHIFTING but I think that is the current phase God has me in. 2023 was simply a year of realignment.
I won’t add too much creative fluff or meat to this review because I frankly think it’s unnecessary and I think it symbolizes how I currently approach the world. Let’s just get to it.
2023 Goals for Big Daddy Adewus + How I Did
Pray More – (I did this)
Touch more lives (I believe I did this)
Be kind to me (Another year where this continues to be hard for me)
Enjoy life (I had some amazing highs and some humbling lows)
Argue less, resist the urge to defend yourself (Kinda sorta did this but more can be done here)
2024 Goals for Big Daddy Adewus
Pray More and Read my Bible more
Do not hide my light
Be kind to me – do it this time Sanmi. Just do it!
Make ground on all your potential
Lose your temper less.
Faith
I heard God more in 2023 – loudly in my places of worship, prayer and in seeking his face. There were multiple times in the year where I just knew God was speaking to me. It may be recency bias but in September, as I was preparing for arguably the biggest week of my life, God spoke to me through a sermon I stumbled on. He called me to prepare for a “shifting” – simply put. A powerful shifting.
The message I got was simple – “I am going to do things and move you in different directions. Just be ready”. The constant voice of God was evident across the year. I got clear direct communication about so many different areas in my life. I mean vivid moments where I said God “please do this by 12pm and at 11:55am things happened”. That type of vivid. I will be honest and say that I don’t think I heard from God or heard clearly up until sometime in August but so much had already happened. I’ll explain more in later sections. But I felt his touch and presence most of the way.
A Pastor came up to me while I was singing at church once and told me that he felt that my anointing had increased. To be honest, it scared me a bit because I swear I don’t want to be a Pastor like my dad. But I was happy to know that God’s hand was upon me. I leaned more into the gifts he gave me and used them in places I never expected.
Imagine me singing a Yoruba Hymn in front of 30,000 people at my company. Referencing that in this section doesn’t speak to creativity alone but more to faith – I never hide that I love God. When I was asked to sing a hymn in front of people, I didn’t flinch once. I knew I was meant to do it. I was called to do it. Something I have always loved about myself is never hiding my faith and flaws. As much as I love God, I revel in knowing that he doesn’t need me to be perfect BUT I know the expectation of more, that he has for me. Which is also why I know that I fell short of his glory sometimes in 2023. So there is room for better in ’24.
This may be tied into creativity but I discovered new gospel artists and I created a couple of gospel playlists that many people around the world use. I paid my tithes pretty consistently last year, increased my offerings and commitments to the church. 2023 was the year I overcame the devourer by sticking to my covenant with God to always pay my tithes. Trust me, it was hard. But I asked for the grace to do it and be consistent but I also did practical things like taking my tithe out of the ATM on Friday before Sunday Service, so I didn’t have to deal with the battle to convince myself on Sunday morning.
This year, I want to intentionally pray more and read my bible more. Every day. I actually want to buy a bible. I also want God to use me more this year. Amplify my impact in the most amazing ways. Last but not least, I want my life to reflect that I serve a living God.
2023 Expected Score: A 2023 Final Score: B- 2024 Expected Score: A
Fitness:
I loved fitness in 2023. I can truly say that a lot of things that I sought after in my fitness journey have now become part of my daily life. I feel a sense of pride in loving and taking care of my body. There is no part of me that doesn’t understand what I need to do to push my body to the places I want it to go.
I improved my stamina and perfected my form over the year. I was also injured fewer times which helped my journey. This is definitely an area of improvement for me. Be kind to your body, your heart will breathe better and your soul will feel lighter. I fell in love with my body more through my discipline in the gym all year.
2023 Expected Score: A++ 2023 Final Score: A 2024 Expected Score: Let’s do it again
Creativity
“Let’s get sexy!” The year started amazingly with me semi-consistently putting out content on Instagram through grwm videos and travel reels. I posted way more on here than in recent years, although I wish I had given you all more series. Maybe that might be something that comes soon – who knows? 2/3/24 👀
Singing in front of my whole company was pretty big for me but singing and then giving a speech was so unexpected and I am happy I pushed myself to do it. I spoke in front of people and also sang in various places. I headlined my first gospel show and even pushed my boundaries by doing things like singing on different keys and leading songs that pushed me out of my comfort zone. It might seem small but hey choir leader, you can leave C-sharp for one Sunday 😉
I could have done more. Posted more content, delivered more posts – I am still hoarding. So intend to do better this year.
2023 Expected Score: B+ 2023 Final Score: B 2024 Expected Score: B+
Finances
Omo 2023 was expensive o! Forget inflation for a second – even though, how can you forget inflation when it wants to choke us all? But seriously, I think we need to indict our parents. How come nobody made it abundantly clear that the back pain in your thirties will only be second to the constant throbbing in your wallet? Eppppppo! I spent a lot on trips, travel and time with my friends but I still hit my savings goals – although they were adjusted due to some heavy family obligations I had. Part of my goal this year will be to save and keep the money saved. I need to be aggressive early on and lock that away, so I can spend the rest of the year in ease.
2023 was when it dawned on me that I have PTSD when it comes to money. After being laid off a couple of times, I am hesitant to spend on anything big for myself. I find a way to talk myself out of every big spend. Even convincing myself to take a mid-year trip to relax was harshly resisted and I had to talk through it in therapy. Yes, times have been incredibly hard but after being out of work before and seeing so many TA teams cut across many companies, I have had to be extra careful.
Given the raise and promotion I got in early 2023, I could have saved better and managed my money better but again, I am grateful that I was able to take care of what needed to be taken care of. Including buying my father a car and changing my zip code. Abeg if you see me around, please squeeze small change into my hand because your boy needs it. Please and thanks!
2024, I will still like to travel but one way I save on that is by
2023 Expected Score: A+ 2023 Final Score: B 2024 Expected Score: B+
Relationships:
I lied. A lot in 2023. To myself and even to people I cared about. Frankly put, I knew better and in some cases intentionally chose not to do right and in some others, I decided not to do the right thing. Something I preached about in 2022 and parts of 2023 was knowing the difference between what you can do and what you should do. In many cases, I can make the case that I was well within whatever rights I had to do or behave how I did but to whom much is given, so much is expected. What about the learnings I got from God or the teachings instilled by my mom? I could have been so much better in my interpersonal relationships but ultimately I chose not to. I was selfish. Dishonest. Angry. And downright unlike myself.
I have always been a “need to know” type person but I learned that cannot work in deep friendships. Transparency and offering information can be magical for relationships. This is something I want to change in 2024. I hate being asked questions. I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s because I grew up being told to keep things to myself or not probe on things not offered to you, I have always just kept quiet. I could be so much better with opening up but I don’t truly feel safe with some people to open up. Some think that saying they like or love you is enough for you to open up but I simply cannot allow myself to feel that way and just open my heart to people. It’s hard.
I was evaluating a scenario with someone and I realized I just care so much less about certain things. A part of me operated from a very selfish place in 2023. I am burnt out, I am not as patient, gracious, kind or forgiving like I used to be. I expect more from others more than I am sometimes willing to give. One could even call me “angry” – maybe at the fact that I give so much and continue feeling like I truly get less from a lot of people that claim to care about me. I remember feeling kinda sad at Christmas that we said we would do a gift exchange and only my mother and I came bearing gifts.
I pulled back from a lot of situations and people over the past year as I noticed that reciprocity was something that wasn’t always there. Never one to keep score on deeds but if after a while, all you keep hearing from people is how they wished they could do more but never doing it, you realize you need to conserve your energy. Pulling back from a few spaces made me feel more whole in ’23. I just realized that nobody is really checking for you like that. Yes, they’ll remember you when they need something or a resume looked at but trust that if you are going through it, you could go through it alone.
That being said, I am super grateful for my friends. Wrapped with love, I could feel the warmth of their hearts pouring into me at every chance they got. I hope you all felt my love in return as well.
I was also grateful for spaces that allowed healing in 2023. People I had wronged or spaces that I had messed up where remorse, grace and forgiveness were allowed in. I believe I made space for the same but that definitely is an area I can grow in. As someone who has been given grace and chances to be better, it certainly is something I’d want to work on in 2024.
I want to be more honest this year – with myself and others. I want to do life with my people and truly do it – flaws, joys, and all. A part of me will give less in some places and pour more into others. Live for me and ensure that the people I love feel my love in the ways they want and need to.
2024 will be the year of ease in relationships. I look forward to hosting my loves in my new place. And wrapping them with hugs that shine light from my heart.
2023 Expected Score: B 2023 Final Score: D 2024 Expected Score: B+
2023 had many ups and very little lows but tons of room for improvement. My happiness, peace of mind and health are my main focuses this year. So I look forward to enjoying me more. Here is to a phenomenal year for us all. Hopefully in 2025 we’ll write about joy and love. And our only issues will be jetlag and popping ears and bottles after long flights. Here is to the best time. This is the year we make a difference and in time, you’ll know the difference.
Welcome to Caesar’s Palace. 😉
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It violated. Really did. I sat there first stunned, confused and then angry. Very angry. I ran it up the flagpole with my closet people. It was one of the most disrespectful things I had ever had said to me. It still ranks very high on the list. “How could you?” I kept asking myself. Before I even get into what happened, remember this – you are not above disrespect, ever. Even the ones you expect so much from, can let you down. Healthy adulting is hoping for the best and planning for the worst – even in friendships and though we won’t admit it, in love as well.
—— Ladies: Quick question – how would you feel if the man you were in love with and dating said that he thought you were the type to sleep around for money? And that he had run some of your pictures and behaviors by his friends and they agreed. ——
As the love of my life at the time suggested that I could be gay because of _ (THE REASONS DON’T EVEN MATTER), I was stunned, hurt and disappointed. Not because being gay is bad. But to know you to be the opposite of something and still say it or suggest it felt very strange to me. To find that someone you had intimately shared your body and soul with, could not hold their own real opinion on something was even more upsetting. That was what hurt the most. Imagine how hurt you can be when your youngest sibling fixes their mouth to call you stingy after all you’ve sacrificed because their friend heard you say no to them one time? Yeah, that feeling. The exact one you just had is how I felt.
For those that may make this about being gay – it’s not about that exactly. I invite you to flip it – imagine being openly gay. Living, loving, thriving and then a partner you love says “I think you are putting on this gay thing for show”. Ah. Yeah, there it is.
It’s the same type of feeling you would have if you told your story of how women can sometimes be more emotionally abusive than men. As per your own experiences. But then one of your closest ‘friends’ says that you give off “women hater” vibes from your tweets. Failing to acknowledge your lived experience of being raped at 9 by a woman and being sexually violated by older women till you could find your voice.
Who are you? When someone asks you that, what is the answer you give. Most times, we start with our names but think beyond that for a second. Who are YOU? Are you kind, considerate, giving, thoughtful, patient, intentional…? Is that you?
I believe it’s truly important to know who you are deep down. One of the reasons it’s so important is because people will actively work hard to make you feel less than or like you are something or someone else. Rather than rejoicing in the complexity that makes us all unique, so often this world tries shrink us to make us more manageable. So those attempts will come but who are you? How are you standing?
Know your core early enough, so you are able to feel how I felt but not lose yourself or drift. I remember finding confidence in the most confused looks on my friends faces as I questioned them. You ever be accused of something so far from who you are, that you even start to question who you know yourself to be? In this case, sexuality is one thing but it can be replaced by anything else and it would still hurt. For example, imagine thinking of yourself as very humble but someone you care about tells you they believe you to pretentious or not genuine. And that they could point to this and this evidence of such.
This situation taught me something, you can find almost anything you want to find when you look closely enough. If you want to believe a friend of yours is ungrateful, you will find the moments where their “thank you’s” aren’t loud enough. Or if you want to believe that nothing good happens to you, I am pretty sure you can point to evidence that it doesn’t. That is life. And why you have to choose to see the light you want to see in people. Especially the ones we claim to love.
Have you ever been so wrongly accused by someone you loved that it brought you to tears?
New podcast episode dropping today. Click here to listen to my thought on everything from Will & Jada, to 48 Oyster Bay, Wedding Dress to to church and so much more. Also please leave me a comment on how you feel about this post.
Song of the Week: Wande Coal – Ebelebe ft. Wizkid: It’s been a minute since I drifted towards Afrobeats. My last few months have been spent enjoying sounds from other regions of Africa. Heavy on the music out of South Africa, Kenya and even Ghanaian highlife.
But I really like this song. You can tell that Wande still mostly freestyles his songs into hits but I love the synergy between them. A part of me feels like they shot the video before Wiz’s mom passed, God rest her soul but I enjoyed seeing him smile. They both could do with seasoned writers – ugh, imagine a studio session with Johnny Drille, Kizz Daniel, Wiz, Wande and maybe like a Nonso Amadi or Tay Iwar? Lord, that would be magical!
It’s Friday evening. 8year old you is with your two younger siblings 6 & 4. Mummy and Aunty Jade were supposed to pick you all after drama rehearsals and on their way back from Lagos Island. You waited. The sun started to go down and there was notway for you and your siblings to make it into the house. Eventually, your neighbor Mrs Nduka, who is also your mom’s go-to person in the neighborhood invites you into her home to wait for your mother and aunt. Seems simple right? Yeah, those pre-GSM days.
You are suddenly gently woken up out of sleep. Dazed but recognizing the familiar voice, you slowly rise up. It’s your mom and aunt. They have come to get you from your neighbors place. As you all find your belongings and stumble out, you catch a glimpse of the giant Deeper Life wall clock on the wall. It reads 10:08pm. You make your way into your house. It smells like – home. Exhausted, all you want to do is sleep. You know everyone is tired. You are still in your school clothes from 7:12am this morning when your neighborhood bus came to get you. As you drag yourself to your room, your aunty asks what you all want to eat. She assumes you must be starving. You sleepishly reply that you all had eaten at Mrs Nduka’s house. Stumble into bed. Goodnight.
You have not a care in the world as you rise on Saturday morning. You start with cleaning your room like you have been raised to do. You can smell the Akara frying from the kitchen. You had picked the beans on Thursday after all , you remembered. A little over an hour later, your siblings assemble to eat their akara and ogi but yours isn’t plated. Surprised you go to the kitchen to find out why – your aunt redirects your curiosity to your mother in the living room. She is doing some work and listening to TBN (Trinity Broadcasting Network in the background). You approach and she proceeds to grill you about why you let you and your siblings eat at a strangers house.
You are stunned. Mrs Nduka’s kids have slept at your house before. Your family has eaten there before. This woman is your mom’s friend. You are just standing there wondering. Then it hits you years later, not in that living room. But thousands of miles away. It clocks that our parents just didn’t want us eating at other people’s houses, especially when they weren’t there. Before the days of telling us we couldn’t have McDonald’s because there was rice at home, there was rice at home.
You cannot find your special thing in everyone, stop looking for it everywhere.
I was talking to my friend once and they brought up my interesting encounters with love. My friend asked me if I felt like my constant search for love and belonging might have sent me to places that I didn’t need to be in. Omo as a proud man, it felt like a slap in the face. A jolt from within but she was right. I sat on FaceTime that day as she made her sandwich and I kept feeling like I had just been plastered with one. It was hilariously painful.
I feel like all my adulthood has been me trying to find love and belonging, and truthfully sometimes in places where I knew I shouldn’t have gone in the first place. I remember my mind being blown one time when someone sent me a full breakdown of how I wanted to be loved. It got me so hype and I felt so seen but I was too high on the moment to flag that even the person that was posting out all the ways I wanted to be loved, was incapable of loving me the way I wanted to be loved.
Since 2018, I started keeping a running list of things I prayed for in a partner and a letter to the woman I choose to marry. Neither of the lists are stagnant – they are very fluid and ever evolving. But you see, I haven’t always felt like I had a the blueprint written out and truthfully – I haven’t always followed it. So despite knowing exactly what I want, I still found myself considering things and people that I simply knew could not meet up. It was that same search for love that led me into the arms of this friend of mine. The same one telling me that there was rice at home but didn’t have rice in their home at the time.
I remember one day Mrs Nduka was advising my mother because I had been seen with a girl down the street by a church member – we were just walking o! She was telling my mom to be more present and stricter with me. My mom would ultimately discipline me but not because of what I did but because I “allowed Mrs Nduka, the right to speak to my mother about how to be a mom”. It felt like an insult to her especially when Mrs Nduka’s son had been arrested with some cultists last year. Who was she to give my mother advise? It got me thinking – the message might not come from a source you like or respect but it should not diminish the quality or value of the message still coming through.
As someone who has ended up more hurt and confused by searching or even exploring love in the wrong places. Work on loving yourself, first. If you don’t love yourself, you’ll tolerate quite a bit and a lot of it won’t even be up to par with what you want or need. Be honest with yourself about who you are and what you want. And frankly, my message to you all now is “don’t compromise”. Ladies, drill into your list – we know you have one and decide what you truly want from someone and stick to it. Don’t just fall for his words or the bread crumbing. Fellas, bum bum is great. Trust me, I’m a victim. 🤣 Now add in stunning smile, melanin toh bad and a raspy but inviting voice? Issallova! BUT WAIT! Hold firm. Be flexible but don’t concede early. Stand for what you truly want and continuing being what you truly want for yourself as well. ——— Sidebar: why is that people think that you cannot take accountability for your actions but also explore the perspectives that made you how you are? ———
In line with not all the “love” dangled in your face is actually love and more importantly, it’s not all “love” that you should accept or collect. One thing I have always found interesting is how quickly “love” turns to anger, disgust and so on, once you decide you don’t want what they are offering. Many times even before you have tasted said love. I’ll say this from a man’s perspective because that is really what I can speak on more than other perspectives.
I have seen too many times where you attract someone who professes their love for you – they are sure before they even know you well enough, that you are right for them and vice versa. You knowing yourself better than anyone else, once you see early on that they aren’t what you need, you make it clear and if you have to, cut ties. Before you are able to settle, you’re blocked and cursed.
I don’t think Mrs Nduka ws wrong for attempting to feed you and your siblings – people will always give what they have. You just have to decide if it is really what you want and most importantly, what you need.
Make sure you have rice at home and for those not catching on – rice in this instance is genuine and healthy love. So have it at home, so when you go out, people don’t offer you things not up to par and you feel compelled to collect it.
Song of the Week: Buya – UMUTHI ft. Mawelele & Makhosi : This song literally transports me to place of calm and makes me wish I was living in South Africa or Kenya for a year. It’s beautiful, the melodies, the lyrics are rich. Enjoy and let me know if you like it too! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJBWNXLAVOU
Please comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support. You are highly appreciated.
It’s 1:37am, I woke up a little over an hour ago. I swear when I woke up I thought it was the morning but I found out that I had only been sleeping for a handful of hours. Anyway, it’s Wednesday now, so I can post. First of all, thank you to everyone that read last week’s post and also listened to my new episode of my podcast – I really appreciate it. If you haven’t read last week’s post, please do so here and you can listen to me return on the microphone here.
As some of you who have been following me for a while will know, I have been managing and working on my mental health for years now. Today on #NationalMentalHealthDay – I wanted to share a few things:
Your mental journey is just that, a journey. Focus not on a destination but managing the journey. Think about your mental health journey as a marathon. You want to manage the journey and coast through the process – never too fast or two slow. Steady is valuable. Too often life forces us to be faster, or dwell longer – you want to strike the perfect balance. It is also important to not get too hung up on times you are too high and times where you are low.
It is very easy in high moments to want to do everything to hold onto them and yes you should try to stretch your happy moments as much as possible but don’t fall victim of them. Allowing yourself to enjoy the moments in them, being present and cherishing them is more important than trying to hold on to those moments. Said moments will fade and can ebb + flow, so allowing yourself grace to move within them is important.
Track the highs and the lows – find the triggers and the highlights in both settings. It will help you navigate both as they come up. Most importantly, allow yourself to feel it all. There are valleys and dizzying peaks. Days where everything you touch turns to gold and the next where the sun doesn’t rise outside and suddenly you question everything about your existence. Sometimes I find that trying to prevent myself from feeling low is what leads me into a deeper hole. Versus just understanding what triggers may have come up, feeling things temporarily and relying on my (healthy) coping mechanisms to get me through.
Therapy is expensive but not healing or evolving costs more.
One thing that you don’t find out till you are in it is how expensive therapy can be – financially and emotionally. Therapy will tax you emotionally and invite you to cash in the secrets that have built your walls keeping you from the outside world and the risk of being hurt. And for example if you don’t live in America or have good health insurance coverage, you can end up paying a lot for a lot. Financially, it adds up too.
But one thing I have realized is that if you don’t address it – it being your mental health, it will cost more in the long run. Think about your life right now and think about the friendships, relationships and more that you have lost because you feared getting hurt or you self sabotaged. Or things you couldn’t fight for because you were so on E from life draining you. The costs add up. I recommend prioritizing your mental if and when the funds allow it, it will save you a ton and from a ton in the future.
Win small battles and get practical about your everyday.
You showered today? You didn’t cry? You ate? Oh you actually went outside?
All small wins. With tremendous ability to have great snowball and downstream effects. I used to struggle to do some big ticket things, until I started to try to win incremental battles. Please note that all I am speaking about is not during phase where you may be dealing with deep clinical depression. I for one am now living functionally with my situation.
A few years ago, I started going to the gym in the mornings – it greatly improves my mood. But I would struggle to get out of bed in the mornings, so I started putting my clothes in front of my bedroom door, so all through the night when I would go to the bathroom, I would see the items and know that I needed to go to the gym. It won’t always be that straight forward but that simple act helped greatly improve my mood and made me feel closer to winning.
Guard your mental health jealously and selfishly It won’t make sense to everyone but guard your mental health. Especially when you find out your triggers. Those triggers can be in people, places, projects and more. It won’t always seem easy to get for others but you have to know you and what gets you.
Remember though, that sometimes the guards you put in place to protect yourself could be triggers for others. So while you try to protect yourself, understand that not everyone is out to hurt you – even if they eventually can and they just might.
Understand Your Internal Working Model
Internal working model of attachment is a psychological approach that attempts to describe the development of mental representations, specifically the worthiness of the self and expectations of others’ reactions to the self.
Your internal working model will influence how you view yourself and it tries to reinforce how you feel about yourself through things that happen to you or around. If you believe you deserve love, when it comes you’ll feel justified. If you feel you don’t deserve love, when it doesn’t come, you say “ah! Exactly, I don’t deserve love”
It will contribute to:
Self doubt
Imposter syndrome
Negative talk
Self sabotage
Understand how you see yourself and the interrogate that. Why do you see yourself as less or why do you feel like you don’t deserve good things? When clearly you do.
God above all
My mental health is largely influenced by my faith. I go to God first. But I still struggle like everyone else. I let depression sneak in and I may try to fight it myself, instead of praying. I start almost everyday with prayer and worship but it doesn’t always mean that I do the right things internally.
Many times, my depression is brought on by my sin and falling short of God’s expectations. Which sucks because he forgives me and I end up not forgiving myself. Like how sway? It’s so backwards but it’s how I sometimes treat myself.
So truthfully, my mental health would be much better if I did what God wanted. Many times, I do the opposite of what he wants or I do the opposite of what I should do and then I feel worthless. This then triggers my depression or negative talk.
Worshipping helps me a lot. I get to submit and just tell him how much I need him. I want to stay in that place more and not just run there when things go south.
I don’t think I have everything about my mental figured or sorted but I can say the following
Stay with it, it gets better. I promise.
Therapy changed my life.
Therapy requires application – the theory has to transfer to real life.
You will have to get it wrong to get it right
Be wary of false dawns. Do the work, the nasty, gritty work – you will be better for it in the long run.
Be patient, be kind. You are figuring this out as you go along.
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I just sang a Yoruba hymn in front of 100’s of people live and thousands online at one of the biggest companies in the world today.
Sanmi – Tuesday, October 26th, 2023
It’s 8:33 pm I am parked in my Tesla on the side of the road across from my apartment. I finally give in. Tears. I am talking full snot, wheezing, throat clamping eye bawling session. I broke. In gratitude. This was easily one of the best days of my life and my soul is drenched in thanksgiving. Let me tell you how we got here.
I should start this story from way back in June but I’ll come back to that. Let’s go back to just yesterday. I was meant to pick up my car rental at 10am and drive to my office HQ which was about an hour away. How can it be Monday morning with 11 customers in line and only one person at the counter of the car rental pickup? I was already so frustrated. I needed to get to HQ for a couple of meetings and I also had soundcheck for the event I was participating in on Tuesday. I finally picked up my car after almost an hour of waiting and headed to the office.
At the end of every year, typically in my hotel room in Lagos, I review my goals for the year. I grade myself and give myself marks which I eventually share with you all, while prepping and outlining my goals for the coming year. Coming into 2023, one of my business/professional goals was to speak in front of the company or on behalf of the company.
On Tuesday, that goal became a reality. Back in April, there was an email about being part of an annual event at my company. I kinda brushed it off but then I remembered a Black woman who led the same event last year, so I decided to apply. I specifically wanted to make sure you all note that I chose to apply because I saw another black person like me doing something and thought I could too. This is for those of you out there worrying instead of doing it afraid – the next person you could be inspiring to greatness is waiting for you. Do it.
Anyway, back to my event. I applied when the entries were 200 words or less. And so you can imagine my shock when my application to be the key speaker was chosen. I was stunned. I spent the following months working with a couple of coaches and an amazing team that prepped me for the big day. I was going to tell a story about my life in front of my entire company. Huh???? I couldn’t believe it. As we fine-tuned the content of the event, we finally got to a place where they wanted to see if I could sing at the event. I would sing a favorite hymn of my grandma’s in Yoruba. Yes, I walked out on stage singing one of my favorite hymns in Yoruba at one of the biggest companies in the world. Chills.
As I walked through soundcheck and got mic’d up. I just remember asking for the Holy Spirit to take over. I was so nervous and worried about failing that I just kept praying. I am so thankful for God but also for my relationship with him. The praying and deep breathing brought me calm. I would need that calm in abundance the next day as well.
On the day of the speech, my parents were running late due to traffic and I was very worried that they would miss the event and my speaking segment. My anxiety was out of this world. I was constantly needing to remember to breathe. They would eventually make it there. Right before I went on stage, I went to the bathroom. Got down on my knees and just blessed God, I thanked him and then asked him for the grace to deliver.
I felt he was going to deliver that day from the morning at the gym. My playlist was hitting. Look What You’ve Done by Greatman Takit came on and I knew it was so apt because look at what God has done. My tailor started calling me Irawo Agbaye in 2019, I met a woman who started calling me Sunshine in 2019, and my mother started calling me Eniiwaju in 2020. Today, I shone bright. Everything I touched felt magical and ordained. Standing up there and just telling my truth in my own way, was everything. It felt good to see all the layers of me interact with each other. My faith didn’t take a back seat at my workplace. My creativity put me front and center and my God no dey wear flip flops. It felt magical.
So as I sat across from my apartment in my soon-to-be-returned Tesla, you can understand why my heart was filled with gratitude and I was bawling my eyes out. The mighty one came through and I’m forever grateful. Even before this week, I had been getting word of the Holy Spirit taking me into a season of shifting. I randomly stumbled on a sermon about there being a shifting in this season. I didn’t know exactly what it meant but I felt it. It stuck with me. And all through last week and even as I put the finishing touches to this post at 2:55 am – I feel it.
The last time I felt this type of move in my spirit was in 2018 and that year my life changed for good. It’s amazing to see what God has done especially because I have been feeling very unworthy. Not only by how I have been within myself but also by how I feel like my heart has been responding to life around me. It’s been truly beautiful to see that God has not forsaken me or his promises for me. I find myself in awe of what he has done for and through me this year. I am excited for what is to come and for the testimonies to be complete but before it all becomes “perfect”, just take a moment to see what God has done and Look at What You’ve Done.
Update: I came back to add this part at 3:25 am. I truly believe this part may help somebody. Oftentimes, we see the highlights of people’s lives and we try to base our lives on that. We see someone appear to be shining and we believe that our lives should mirror that, even without knowing what that person is going through in the background. For example, the picture below on the left is me maybe 5 minutes after bawling my eyes out inside that Tesla outside and the one on the right is me opening my phone to change a song while I cried and I caught what I looked like.
One of the reasons I love writing this blog is that I give you all my real perspective on things but most importantly, I don’t hide things from you all. That day, I was a mess. Completely. If not for God, I would have folded. But you see, I only posted the picture to the left on my IG, I know how many people would have thought my life was perfect and I was so happy. Yes, it was an overall happy day but it had ups and downs. Like life always does. I pray you share the full you in every space you can, and let people know that one of the reasons your light shines so bright, is because you are not afraid of the dark.
Keep the lights on, in everything you do. Soon your light will be so bright, you won’t even be able to hide or contain it. Till next time, keep your head up.
Oh, and I have a surprise for you soon. Stay tuned.
Song of the Week is very easily: Look What You’ve Done Already – I miss you and I always think of you when I hear this song. You’re always in my heart. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOPwjTxgcKY
Please comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support. You are highly appreciated.
