Uncategorized

Whirlwind

The speed of light was in contention of being recalculated

As the responses to text messages were swift

The picture messages that lit up the phones

As you took each other on a journey of where you’ve both been

The enthusiasm to know more was amazing

We scour each other’s minds with questions to make sure all is known

The things she says are the cutest

How she pronounces her “R”

Or how she sleeps with her mouth open at night on Skype is so beautiful

The way he looks at me in public without saying a word

The mystery behind his eyes

It makes my heart skip a beat waking up to his messages

I can’t wait to talk to him everyday

It’s real

It’s new

And I want more

Those five hour conversations every night

Seem like mere minutes when they’re over

Willing to risk being late to class to hear her voice

While he pushes the limits at work by being on the phone when he shouldn’t

More and more the things we do

I want more

The first non church hug

The first kiss

The first moment our eyes say “I want only you”

But our mouths don’t move

We both just know

That first conversation with the girls

Recapping how amazing the dates have been

Or how mesmerizing his eyes are

Your buddies are telling you how hot she is

The fumes from them gassing you up on your achievements leave you on a high

You both really start to believe that this might be the one

Then the first argument

Usually about something stupid

Like why you RT’d that girl 3 times that day

Or why she texted back instead of returning your call

It sets in

You both hate it

And it usually is resolved with makeup sex

And then the next one happens

And the one after that

And then your girlfriend is telling you to “try”

And your boys are reminding you of how fine she is and you shouldn’t let her go

Then you both start to spiral

You get caught in this web of crap

Trying to figure a way out

And constantly crashing while you try to fix things

Now you sit here

Buzz… Buzz… Buzz…

Followed by the eye roll

You’re wondering why he won’t stop texting

He’s wondering why it’s so hard for you to let go

Resentment

Now those same looks in public are met with digust

Messages are responded to with the same pace it takes the Nigerian government to fix electricity

Forever

Some are even deleted before being read

The level of disgust

So quickly you begin to wonder how things that felt so good

Hurt so bad

It’s amazing

The memories become much clearer

The little things are more appreciated

The petty arguments you want to take back

The hurtful things you said, you wish you didn’t

But it’s all too late

Then it all breaks apart

You,

For a quick moment

Bask in the refreshing feeling of your “independence”

Forgetting your binding contract to the game

The one that ensures that time will heal and another will come

The next one that you will think is unique

He’ll pressure you into saying “kay”

And you’ll soon think he’s the one

And then you are

Again on another whirl

Experiencing another thrill

Discovering new things

But there’s always that fear

That after the  little whistling storm it all might settle

And then what

You’re caught back at the place it all began

Broken

Drained

And after a short while

Ready to do it all over again

Adewus4real

Uncategorized

You Do To Me

 

For a man so eloquent and articulate

I get tongue tied

The words disappear

And all I can do is stare

The source of all my thoughts

Is the same reason I can’t speak

I can look at you all day

Connect with you on another plane

To be frank

You and I know

We don’t need any words

Our eyes do all the talking

We just let out hearts listen

                                                           

                                                     Adewus4real                                                                                                                                          

Uncategorized

This Game

This Game

 

Buzz… Buzz…

You turn around and take glance

Nah, He’s not getting a reply

 Not a chance

And yet you wait

For that guy you’ve thrown everything at waiting for date

I shake my head

Not at you

I could care less

But I shake my head

At this game we all play

 

See I’ll go to war and back to fight for her

The one that won’t even bother

To consider me as a human being

While I lose all my dignity

Or you’ll ignore all the “good” guys you tweet about

But chase around the one you tell your friends to do without

This game

It’s not the same

 

The lines are blurred

The roles are turned

It’s not a battle for the good

But a quest of survival for those that understood

That going in

The one person you should care about is you

Because that’s the motto and theme

To this game we play

 

Now don’t get me wrong

I am no saint

As a matter of fact

I consider myself a player

Dominant in the paint

I make the same mistakes

And use the same excuses

Hold on

 

That was this girl “I’m talking to”

That thinks I’m really into

I won’t tell her

Wait, so I can lose her?

Nah, let’s string her along

Till the right one comes to stop me from this wrong

This game

 

Some of us keep many sides

And as long as we don’t cheat

The rules don’t apply

I love you to the boo and good night

Means hey let’s talk to the other

We playing games

The sad bit is we only live for the now

We hurting each other

And ruining the pool for others

Great women and men are out there

But they’ll never open up again

Cos of the pain they felt in here

 

Some of you are with people today playing games

Are they a step ahead of you?

Or do you even know if you’re in the game or not?

Wake up mate

You really don’t want to be looking like a fool

When your partner dumps you

And it’s checkmate. 

 

                                                                         Adewus4real

Uncategorized

What The Heck Man

I’m supposed to see the world as my oyster

Make decisions with precision

Keep pushing and not dwell on my wrong decisions

I’m supposed to make it happen

I’m supposed to be that guy

That guy that’s there

Here and everywhere

I want to be that guy

But what happens when I doubt that guy?

 

I drive home wondering what I’m supposed to say

At times things get so hard I can’t even pray

All the openings seem shut

And I get this worrying feeling inside my gut

But I’m the man

That man

Yet sometimes everyone seems to forget I’m just a mere man

 

I wanna scream somedays

I wanna cry

I wanna put my head in a good space

I wanna fly

I wanna make all my worries disappear

I wanna dig deep and make all myself doubt die

But here I am

The outlets I’m supposed to turn to are my triggers

But I stand as a man

An embodiment of what is good

Sociable and determined

Surrounded by many

Yet alone

This is me

Man

 

I know I should speak to my friends about God

And I get tongue tied

But when we talk about sports

The ideas and the arguments come off the fly

Don’t even get me started about when we talk about women

That’s a topic I have endless freedom in

But putting my friends and family in check

On my moral and ethical issues

Then my shyness sets in

And I know what I should do

But the things I really want to do are the hardest for me

 

I’m supposed to keep it real

Be honest and straightforward

I try

I really do

But where is the confirmation that it is okay to keep trying as a result of not always succeeding

Mama told me not to cry as kid

Dad told me to defend myself on the playground but never get into trouble

So I do what I have to do

I have done so for years

Bottled up feelings and emotions like fine wine looking to age

Now I’m cold

Like that barreled wine in a basement cellar

Cold

Now my last 2 relationships have ended because I’m too cold

Not sensitive enough

When my training in feelings was not extensive enough

I’m supposed to make you smile

Make you laugh

But I find myself travelling through a mine field of your feelings

Trying to avoid the next attack

The next attack on my wall of man

My sense of invincibility

The one that prevents me from telling you I really love you

Or telling you that I’m terrified it’s time to meet your mother

That same sense of invincibility that makes me just a little anxious

When the doctor says “cough for me please”

But I take it like a man though

In a society with very little positive outlets for feelings

I have to find a way to get these feelings out

If your man goes to church to let them out

Great

If he doesn’t yet

Pray

Because the body is like a train station

Certain emotions come in and miss their ride

Some come in and never get off

 

I know I should have asked you out

I have been watching you for a minute

Not stalking

Just observing

Yet I’m too busy wasting my time

Time on girls more concerned about their likes on Instagram than their education

Girls more skilled in shopping than cooking

But real women like you

I seem to just waste time with

And when I’m ready

It’ll be too late

So much for being a man right

I broke up with you without good reason

Told you I just wanted to grow

Right before love season

I expected you to understand that I wasn’t man enough for you

And you deserve better

But the truth was the fear of being serious with you had me panic

I worried more about how you feel about my wallet

Than how you’d feel about me

My bank account wasn’t ready

So my heart has to comply

Decisions of a man

 

My friends say she’s a “good” girl and I should marry her

After cleaning out the food she made at my house

I elect to not consult God

My crew said she’s dope

So it’s a wrap

Now I’m sitting in my bathroom

The only room in this house where I have peace

Wondering why the woman I married

Fried my plantain with engine oil

Oh man!

 

 

This is not a forum to make excuses for men

We have our flaws

I elect to watch sports on Sunday instead of making it early to church

I choose to buy size12 shoes with a slight heel for extra support to hide my “real” height

I shave my head every 2 weeks to hide my bald spot

And oh, I drank that milkshake at 2am in the morning

And I haven’t been to the gym in 2weeks

I’m a man though

Let me live

 

This is to let the men out there know

It’s okay

To be you

Be true to you

Make the mistakes you will

And learn from them

Live right and be fair

Sometimes this “job” might get overwhelming

Take a walk

Let out a scream

Cry

Lay to God your plight

It’s not easy

We know

But you can do and we also know

Embrace your insecurities

And feed on your fears as they drive you

So what if you can’t drive after midnight

Or you know you’ll pass out in the delivery room

Or your friends don’t really know you can’t change a tire

It’s okay

It’s okay to be that man

To be true to who you are

You should be comfortable with him but motivated to better him

I do suggest you learn how to change a tire though

Triple A takes 45mins to 1hr on weekends

Today I speak to you man

Don’t stand up and show support

Instead go home reflect

Reflect on you

And how you can be better

Remember to be true to yourself

And ladies

It will be nice if we could have some pie after all that reflecting

Don’t worry we’ll go the gym tomorrow

Or maybe the day after

Or the one after

Don’t worry, we’ll get there someday to work it off

But for now

Let me just be me

The man with a goal and stuffed gut of pie

Just make sure it’s not on a Saturday night

Because if I miss church tomorrow

 You know who I’m blaming for it.

 

 

                                                                                                                                                                               Adewus4real