Sometimes I wonder, and I think about writing and posting on here. Another week, another Wednesday. Welcome to this week’s episode of Words of Wednesday with the one, the only, The Wordsmith.
I once hired an editor to edit some of my blog posts. Not entirely because I wanted someone to edit the grammar—shout out to all the AI tools that do that now—but because I wanted the person to summarize what each blog post covered and send it to me. Because if you’re in a particular season or frame of mind, it’s very easy to continue to speak on the same things over and over.
And I didn’t want a scenario where I was always writing to you guys week over week about the same things, not allowing myself to expand my mind beyond whatever it was I was thinking about.
So on today’s episode of Words of Wednesday, I’ll just go ahead and tell you what’s on my mind.
“You need to go that department do your forensics and then come back”
As of the time of writing this blog post, my energy has been off.
And one of the beautiful things about being self-aware is that it allows you the opportunity for introspection—to sit down and do a sort of forensic analysis of everything happening in your life, or everything that may have happened to get you to that point.
For me, in thinking about why I’ve been feeling the way I have, it’s obviously been a very difficult month within my friend group and family. Work has been really tough. But at the same time, I know exactly why my mood is off.
Despite all the things I just mentioned, in most cases, I still make time to push through. But I find that with this particular subject matter—or when a particular person and I are not in active, positive engagement or conversation—my mood is off.
Now, some of you will try to speculate and figure out who that person is. I promise you, you won’t figure it out. But we know, right?
And the beautiful thing about that self-reflection is it made me think about all the places where I’ve ignored the promises I made to myself.
One of the challenges I find as I get wiser—and I hate the fact that I keep saying that in these posts, because I’m like, damn, I don dey old o—is that I want to offer something meaningful to my kids. I don’t want them to have to wait until I’m in my 50s, 60s, or 70s to know how I feel about them or about the realities of my world.
Because I’ve spent the last 12 years of my life documenting my truth, my experiences, my realities, and trying to keep a conversation going with my current and future self.
This week, I’m nursing a left shoulder injury. Work has been off the rails—off the chain busy, as well. Life has just been lifing.
But we keep pushing through. We keep trying to advance and move ourselves forward.
This week, I want to tell you guys a few things that reminded me of promises I’ve made to myself—whether it’s through therapy or just adulting in general.
For the first time in almost a year and a half, I opened my affirmation book cards and read them.
Initially, I stopped reading them probably because things got better—or I got busy. That’s one of the things about life: it never stops. Loving someone never stops. Loving yourself never stops. Being active in a relationship with God never stops.
You have to continue to actively work on it every single day.
Of course, I got comfortable and told myself it wasn’t necessary anymore—when in fact, that’s exactly when you should lock in more.
I’ve picked up a lot of lessons along the way in life. But one that continues to stand out came from a TikTok I saw a few years ago—and it’s changed almost every relationship for me.
The TikTok said:
“If they couldn’t speak, would their actions show you that they love you?”
Pause. Don’t think too deeply about it. Think about the immediate thought that comes to mind when you think about that person—and how they make you feel.
If they were silent for a week, would their dependability or thoughtfulness, without using words—make you feel seen and loved?
If they didn’t have money to send or didn’t buy you gifts, would the other things—how they care, show up, or hold space—make you feel loved?
I can’t tell you how many times just thinking about that has changed my perception and perspective on relationships.
I had to do that forensic analysis I mentioned earlier and ask myself some difficult questions: How do I feel with this person?
….for the Ladies (and Gentlemen)
So ladies, take a moment.
If he doesn’t talk, does remembering the things that are important to you make you feel seen? Loved?
If he wasn’t complimenting your body, does the way he looks at you—with love and genuine affection, make you feel loved?
If she doesn’t cook for you, or she doesn’t get jealous, does that mean she doesn’t love you? Or does it just mean she expresses it differently?
It doesn’t always have to be romantic relationships either. Think about your friendships:
- How do they speak of you?
- How do they hold you in regard?
- Do they go out of their way to make you feel important?
I was talking to one of my really good friends the other day, and in the middle of our conversation, I mentioned something I was about to do for someone I care about.
He said, “This one… just use your head, sha. They will just use your head again”
And I thought to myself, Nah.
There’s a tendency, due to my natural predisposition to be generous and thoughtful, to continue being a doer. But I speak here all the time about reciprocity. I speak all the time about feeling seen.
All my life, and in all my romantic relationships, all I’ve ever really wanted was to feel seen.
And I don’t believe I’ve spent enough time truly seeking relationships that make me feel that way. In many of them, I’ve had to guess how they felt about me or make excuses for the lack of care they show me.
So I want to ask everyone reading this—especially the ladies:
If you have to ask them if they love you or even like you, shouldn’t that worry you?
There’s a tendency in today’s world to live at extremes. People are either super nonchalant or lovebombing you. You have folks who want you to move the earth before they even show that they like you.
But I don’t believe you need to wait. If your heart is pure, and you genuinely care, your natural instinct should be to show it.
If the person you love—man or woman—is having to ask how you love them, maybe you need to re-evaluate how you’re expressing it. Maybe you’re not speaking their language. Maybe you’re not loving them in the way they need.
So ask yourself this as we head into the second half of the week and into next week:
If you didn’t speak, would all the people around you know you care?
That question can apply to the present. But it can also reflect the past:
- Have you done enough in your current or past relationship for that person to trust that you care?
- What was the last thing you did to make yourself feel seen?
- Do you feel like you put the same vim and energy into your platonic relationships?
If not, it may not be too late.
Find out what’s important to them—whether it’s words of affirmation, acts of service, or simple consideration—and speak that language.
And I hope that even in your own silence, you would still feel loved—based on how you’ve shown up for yourself.
Till next time. Stay up.
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