How Would You Know Your Life Has Changed?

If your life changed—actually, let me rephrase—when your life changes, how would you know?

I always find it curious and interesting for us to understand the markers in our lives that indicate change. Does it mean more money? More access? A better friend group? A more accomplished circle? Maybe even more fame, to be honest. But I’ve come to understand that the change in our lives might not be obvious to everyone. If we drill down and look a little closer, we can often see significant indicators of how our lives have changed—or improved.

It’s a little past noon. One team in England just won the Premier League title. We’re not going to say their names, but congratulations to my youngest brother and his team on their accomplishment.

My Uber is on its way. The Uber ride from Brooklyn to New Jersey—an eight-mile drive—is going to cost me $140. Now, somebody will probably ask me, “Why didn’t you take the train?” Well, the train would have taken me an hour and 40 minutes total. I guess there were some delays. But here’s the issue: it’s not about the money, nor is it about the time.

I feel a little bit feverish—just because I feel like my emotions and my heartstrings have been tugged significantly over the last few days. I’m not in New York for a great springtime event or to have night brunches, even though I was able to work one or two into the schedule. I came here for a more somber and sober experience.

But more importantly, being able to be here at this time is one of the most significant indicators that my life has changed.

You see, I came here to support someone I care about. And historically, when I think back to similar situations years ago, I was either the “I-support-you-with-prayers” or “that’s-crazy” type of friend. But being able to rise up and be present for my friend through this situation has reminded me that my journey is not linear—and that progress is not always directly connected to joy.

What I mean by that is: this situation is not joyful. It’s not joyful at all.

But being able to show up and wrap support around the people you love should bring you joy. It does bring us joy. By far, it’s one of the biggest indicators that my life has changed.

Like I said before, whether it was long-distance friendships or even relationships or family situations that had you on the other side of the world when your closest people were going through important things—something about being able to be physically present, and not just physically present, emotionally present… to have the emotional capacity, the bandwidth, the empathy—all of those things are signs of growth.

For me personally, empathy has been one important sign of growth. When I was much younger—or even a few years ago—whenever something would happen, my first thought would be, “Oh, that sucks for that person.” But then I would be so invested in what was going on in my own life and in my own world that I don’t know that I was always the best at showing up or supporting the person in the way they needed.

So you can imagine that this bumpy ride to the airport has given me much-needed perspective and gratitude—even in sadness—to be able to say thank you to God for how much my life has changed, and for how much the lives of those around me have changed.

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Pivoting here—I have a question for you.

How would you know that the person who loves you, loves you?

Yes, there are days where I see couple pictures on Instagram or Twitter, and I honestly just roll my eyes because… are you the first to be happy? But I’ve come to find that as we go through our hierarchy of needs, community and companionship become significantly more important as our lives evolve.

And some days, I want that. I don’t want it at the expense of my individuality, nor do I want it at the expense of my sanity.

But how would you know that you are loved by someone romantically?

I’d love to find out from you. So if you could, write it in the comments section. It could be how you knew somebody you cared about loved you. It could also be how you found out that someone you cherished prioritized you.

I’d love to know. So leave it in the comments section.

I think that as I get older and wiser, it’s important to understand that love doesn’t always show up in the forms we’ve been conditioned to appreciate—whether through Disney or even through watching our own families. Oftentimes we love to try to map our own story based on what we’ve seen—our parents, our uncles, our aunts, or even our friends.

But the truth of the matter is: your love story, for what it’s worth, has to be unique.

Your love story has to be what you want it to be and what you make it to be.

More importantly—and I’ll say that again—your love story has to be what you make it to be.

So if you want romance, if you want to be swept off your feet—be light on your feet to be swept off. If you want romance that is divinely expressive, full of love through words and actions, well—get that muscle ready.

Start writing so you can be the lover you want to be. Start writing so you can be the lover you want for yourself.

Too often today, many men and women are not the version of themselves that they would date or want to spend the rest of their lives with—but they demand that in other people.

It’s important that before the requests or the demands become known, you have mastered being that lover for yourself. Being that truth for yourself.

So today I ask you: how would you know that you are loved?

But let me be more specific with that question.

How would you know that you are loved based on how you love yourself?

Something for you to think about today.

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Last but not least—summer is coming up pretty fast.

By the time you read this, it will be the last day of April. You more than likely have maybe two months to get as close as possible to the body that you want.

Lock in.

Not just lock in mentally—lock in physically. Lock in financially.

Nobody has ever said this statement before:

“For summer, we go sweet.”

Not “For April, you go no.”

Lock in.

And have a great week ahead of you.

Tell me something you have in your life right now that you didn’t have in 2019?

What are your shareable plans for the summer?

How do you know when you are romanctically loved?

Till next time, stay up!

Comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

© 2025 #WhatTheHeckMan

Did you not hear how loud we cheered
How the joy drowned out the fear
Oh how you let the memories drift
Of how you attracted fans from many streets
Near
And there
They all came to see your light
Did you forget the prayers I said over you?
Safely embracing you between how toughened walls
Telling you stories of how I knew you would be great
Because God promised me
The Heavens affirmed it
Before morning affirmations became fashion
Did you forget how the love I have for you
Beamed from my chest more than I could imagine
How your smile whispered it back to me
Your gentle snuggles softened me
I am sorry life made you forget
How you’ve had love that simply required your existence
That I gave you a name that demands respect
First from thyself
Then everyone with breath
I am sorry you slept on it
Your tabernacle of many promises
You, my love
Deserve to be filled with a love that promises
Not to change or exceed
But to be true and present
Never forget
That the first love you knew
Calmed your nervousness
Before you became used to the system of anxiety
The love I pray for you is one that is true
First to itself and then to you
Because remember, I told you…

– “a mother’s reminder that you deserve a recognizable love that knows it wants to find a home within you”

I often dream of what it will be like
To have our hearts in sync
Beating in proclamation and adoration
Tick after tick
Heralded as one
Together in a fluid bond
That grows and softens
As the love between us strengthens
I picture
Wide awake
The views from hilltops
Do you feel the warmth
Of the kissing sunset and the ocean glow
Like your gloss left between my lips
Does our love make you feel just as alive
Each day
As the sun reintroduces its familiar glory
I long for the days when we share a name
Answering same
United by God’s grace and warm embrace
Oh I dream of the day
You become…

“Untitled” by Sanmi Adewunmi

The Gentle Invasion

It’s never really barnstorming or breaking and entering like a Wild Wild West movie, where the cowboys come in the middle of the night and take over. It’s mutual. You open the doors — and you let them in. Sometimes, you even offer water, food, or shelter. A place to lay their head next to you, in the bed you made home.

You see, the thing about this spectacle called love — this romance, emotion, and everything in between — is that everyone is at a party, but most are dancing to very different tunes.

The Perfect Routine Isn’t Perfect

Some want that cinematic 90s love: slow motion rays of sunshine, the perfect meet-cute. But no one wants to break a sweat. Everyone craves a perfectly choreographed routine, forgetting that to dance well, you’ve probably stubbed your toes a few times. Tripped over yourself in front of the big mirrors. Forgotten the counts. Missed the beat. Missed your heartbeat.

But it’s all part of the show. The beauty of a performance isn’t in its flawlessness — it’s in the effort. Every toe stub, every misstep, is part of what makes the final product your best performance yet.

Where Do We Miss It?

So where do we miss it? Why do we pretend we don’t want love, while low-key craving it more than anything?

You might be sitting there waiting for that man to text you. To check on the thing you told him about two weeks ago — the meeting, the pitch, the presentation. But he hasn’t. Meanwhile, he’s busy trying to convince someone else — someone uninterested or unavailable — that his love is worth receiving.

And you? You’re scrolling his Instagram. Again. Falling harder in his absence.

Or maybe you’re the man who swore this would be the year you’d settle down. Choose peace. Choose yourself. But of course, the only person you’re drawn to is someone who’s too afraid to love or believes every man with something dangling between his legs is set out to hurt her.

Sugarcane

So I ask you — what is it that makes it so hard to love yourself truly?

Why is it easier to stand there, pen in hand, waiting for the approval of someone whose eyes have never looked your way?

Why do we keep showing up at shops that never wanted our business?

It’s confusing, isn’t it?

How often we chase things that are not meant for us. How, in our youthful ambition, we believe we can be the exception — the explorer who softens hearts, the discoverer of hidden affection. But as you discover over time, you come to find that the best love stories are the ones where each person realizes that the fairy tale is only made real by the amount of effort you both put in.

The fairy tales you admire — your aunt and uncle’s 40-year marriage, your friend’s ride-or-die — they were built. On communication. On commitment. On choosing one another every single day. On being intentional.

The rise and the fall. The tone. The showing up even when it’s hard. None of it comes easy.

The Question Behind the Question

I ask you, as you read today’s piece, to ask yourself: the next time somebody asks you to introduce yourself — like many of us — will you start with what you do for a living? You’ll start with your career, your titles, the work that you do. And oftentimes, I would scold people for answering that question that way, because the question is what do you do, not what is your title?

But for the sake of this particular conversation, the next time somebody asks you what you do for a living, I want you to pause as you finish your answer and think about every single element of your life at that particular stage.

Think about your career. Think about what you own. Think about where you are. And then ask yourself: which part of that came easy? Which part of those initials behind your name came easy? Which part of the hard work that you have put into your body — the tear that you have soaked the soil with, that grew these beautiful trees and fruits the world can now see — what part of that was easy?

I reckon the truth is probably none of it. But the whole world admires it. The whole world yearns for it.

So what makes you think that the inner parts of what you seek are simple or easy? I told someone recently that love brings ease — but loving someone, including yourself, is not easy.
It is so much easier to give up. I know society today glorifies “ease” – anything that remotely requires extra effort. Some even hide behind sayings like “what is meant for me will come to me”.
While mostly true – nothing truly good comes without requiring some effort. Some energy.
And then maybe that is where the lesson is – if they do not want to put the energy into you – that is your answer. They don’t truly want you.
If one day, they say you are so great and the next they watch you in tears and let you leave? They never wanted you.
Good requires work. Great requires work+luck+God.

I think of my relationship with God and how that needs to mirror my love life. God never gives up on us.
No matter how much we try to push him away. In his grace, the door stays open. The door is open for you.
But at the same time, we have to choose to live right by him. The fact that he loves us unconditionally does not mean that he doesn’t require us to put in the work.
I hate to break it to you but if they don’t want to put in the work, if YOU don’t want to dig deep in you and put in the work for that person – then you don’t love them.

So today, I ask that you love yourself a little bit extra, but I also ask that you realize the level of intention it will take to be loved the way you want to be loved. That gorgeous IG couple you love so much – they put in work. Whether it was being intentional about communicating or saving money for long distance – true love is built.
And the great l
And then I recommend that the same effort you have put into your life to get to where you are today — you channel that into that particular space of your life — and watch what it yields.

Again this week, I want to thank everyone that has been reading and commenting so far, I really appreciate it. To close this week’s post, here are some questions I would love if you could answer in the comments section below –

What part of your life did not come easy, but is now something you’re deeply proud of?

Do you believe love should be easy… or intentional?

What does loving with intention look like in your life today?

Till next time, stay up!

Comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

© 2025 #WhatTheHeckMan

Man shall not live by bread alone. Well, he may not live at all but if he does, I will make sure he has no bread.

Tinubu, 2023

It’s been a sluggish morning—one of those where you have to roll yourself into action like an aging coffee maker.
Slowly grinding.
I slept really late last night after getting into a heated conversation with one of my favorite people in the world.

Pleasant?
No.
Necessary?
Yes.
So you can imagine my slight frustration and surprise as I rolled around and realized it was only 6 AM. Essentially, I had been asleep for about four hours.

I had a doctor’s appointment last week where they asked how much sleep I get every night. Before I could answer, my heart sank completely because I knew that as soon as I said the number out loud, I would get that look from the physician assistant. And lo and behold, I did. Slightly disappointed, but almost like an older sibling or a parent looking at you, saying, This is bad, but you can do better. And better is what I want.

I want to sleep better, to sleep through the night. Part of that comes from my dedication to going to bed early and not being a night owl. That means making sure the dominoes fall the right way—like eating dinner at a healthy time. I’ve been trying to eat before 8 PM this year. By doing that, I can get in bed, stay off my phone, slowly convince myself to sleep, and voilà—it’s 10 PM, and I’m already knocked out.

The problem? I’ve built up such a habit of staying up late that on the days I do sleep early, I not only miss out on conversations with some of my favorite people, but people start wondering if something is wrong.
Guys, me sleeping early doesn’t mean anything is wrong.
I’m just getting old.

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Anyway, today, I was standing in the kitchen, and I wanted to tell you all about my love for omelets. But before I get into that—obviously, omelets aren’t entirely what I’m talking about. I’m talking about more than just eggs (which, by the way, are expensive these days).

There’s been a huge dialogue on social media—both in Nigeria and America—about the price of eggs.
Well, both countries have made their questionable choices. One elected an idiot, and the other allowed an idiot to steal the future of many kids and half a generation. But that’s not why we’re here.

A few weeks ago, one of my absolute favorite people was at my home. While I was finishing up my morning workout, I got a text message that read: Would you like an omelet? I’m making one.
As someone who rarely eats breakfast, my first thought was, Yay, I get to eat!

But more importantly, Yay, somebody is making the food, so I don’t have to worry about it. And very quickly, I thought to myself, Huh, I should eat more. But again, not why we’re here.

The omelet was so good that I have since made an omelet almost every single day I’ve worked from home in the last two to three weeks. One key part of my fitness goals is understanding that I need to eat breakfast consistently. It sets the tone for my day and helps me stay on track. But often, by the time I get back from the gym, I either have to rush into a meeting or I’m just not in the mood to eat—so I skip it.

That day, I was so grateful to be asked that simple question because, one, it meant I could eat, and two, I loved the feeling of being taken care of.

A major frustration for me as I get older is feeling like I pour so much into the people around me, but I don’t always feel that energy reciprocated in ways that speak directly to my heart. Note that I didn’t say people don’t care about me—I just said I don’t always get those gestures in the way I want to receive them.

So yes, the omelet was fantastic. I had breakfast. It was a great start to the day. But here’s the thing about that omelet: in making one every day, I’ve been able to stay on track with my fitness goals and rekindle my love for food in a way I hadn’t in a long time.

I never made a lot of breakfast foods because, growing up and in college, I always felt like eating breakfast made me sleepy. And I wanted to be alert in class. So I wouldn’t eat, then I’d be starving by the evening and overeat. You know the cycle.

So, being able to re-engage with my relationship with food has been fun and helpful. But why did I start talking about this omelet? Because I think it’s important to allow people to show us love in ways we may not fully understand—simply because they love us.

We often want to control how love manifests in our lives, but it doesn’t have to be grand or big.

To the person who made me the omelet—thank you. But more importantly, thank you for just being you. Who knows? Maybe they were just hungry and knew I had more eggs than they did. (I joke, I joke.)

But the reasoning doesn’t matter. What matters is I got my omelet. I got some breakfast. And I’m appreciative of it. So this week, I want you to allow yourself to receive love in the little things. And maybe, just maybe, have some eggs.

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Now, back to reality. As I write this, I need to finish washing dishes and start my day. It’s 7:03 AM. I’ll return after I’m done.

(7:09 AM) Before I started washing the dishes, I really didn’t want to. I woke up groggy, a little heavy. I just wanted to get ready, go to the gym, then to the office, and call it a day. But I’ve been working on consistency—like making sure I don’t leave dishes in the sink.

There was a time I was so busy that I completely forgot to do the dishes before a trip. When I got back three weeks later, there was a used wok in my sink. Thankfully, it was dry, so no bacteria grew—but still.

So, standing at the sink today, I debated skipping it. Who’s gonna check me? But then I reminded myself: Your desire for greatness will never outwork the effort required to be great.

It might just be dishes, but apply that to anything in your life. That life you imagine? The relationship you want? Your desire for it will never be greater than the work required to build it.

It only took six minutes to wash those dishes—six minutes that will make my evening so much better when I return home to a clean sink. Small actions add up.

So whatever you’re chasing in life, just start. Be methodical. Be consistent. And don’t let the urge to procrastinate win.

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Lastly, a quick complaint about one of my favorite brands. Rihanna, I love you. I know you’re never dropping another album. You’ve been lying to us for years, and we’ve accepted it.

But I need to say this: men want pockets in our sleepwear!

I love the fit of Savage Fenty. The fabric is luxurious. The colors are top-tier. But there are NO pockets. Why? Men like pockets. We need pockets.

You gave us a tiny chest pocket. What am I supposed to do with that? Sleep with my phone in my chest? Come on, Rih. Do better. Thank you very much.

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Anyway, thank you for reading. And shoutout to me for being consistent and posting this on time.

Stay up.
Avoid trouble. And do a little extra toward the greater you.
You’ll be better for it, and so will the world around you.

Peace.

Comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

© 2025 #WhatTheHeckMan